Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 420 May 29, 2019

THOMAS
TALKS
ABOUT: MOVING
I’ve been dating my
boyfriend for about
a year, and we’re
talking about moving
in together, but we’re
both a little unsure
about if it’s the right
time. I have lots of
friends that have done
it like right away, and
sometimes they break
up and sometimes
they don’t. If we need
more time, that’s fine.
Neither of us has ever
lived with a significant
other before, so we
really don’t know what
we’re doing or what
to consider. When I
talked to my friends
about it, they said,
“You just know when
it’s right.” But both
of them are single…
so… yeah. How can
we know when we’re
ready? – Male, Gay, 24
I don’t think the amount
of time you’ve been
together is as important
as the way you spend
time together is. For
example, what’s it
like when you guys
are just at one of
your apartments and
hanging out? Do you
know about all the
unique (and probably
annoying) things your
partner does when
you’re not there, and
likewise? We all do
weird shit when we’re
alone or in our own
space. Can you discuss
finances openly? Are
you both OK with
independence and
having alone time? Are
you comfortable with
asking each other for
space when you need
it? Make sure you guys
are on the same page
about what it would
look like if you decided
to move in together.
It’s a big step, so don’t
make assumptions.
I love my boyfriend
very much, but living
with him is ruining
our relationship. He
moved in with me
after six months, it’s
only been two, and I
honestly might have
to kick him out. We
work different hours,
and he often wakes
me up at night by
being loud, leaves
dirty dishes in the sink
and never gives me
any privacy. I’ve tried
to give him hints, but
he doesn’t seem to be
picking up on them. Is
it possible to ask him
IN AND OUT
to move out without
breaking up with him?
– Male, Gay, 27
Whatever your hints
are, they aren’t enough.
I’d start out with being
as direct as possible,
without attacking or
blaming him. Living
with someone can
be tough, and it
sounds like maybe
you expected him to
behave a bit differently
than he does. When
you live with someone,
it’s difficult to ignore all
of the things you may
have before. I’m curious
what you expected him
to be like to live with.
Were you honest with
yourself about who he
is? Yes, I do think it’s
possible for someone
to move out and the
relationship not to end.
In fact, the chances
of the relationship
lasting might be higher
than if you just keep
putting up with the
things that are driving
you nuts. The question
then becomes, do
you ever want to live
together? Would you
be willing to be in a
relationship where
maybe living together
never happens? For
some, that might even
be ideal.
Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: ThomasTalksAbout@gmail.com
@ThomasWhitfield84