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The Musharraf government later said she hit her head on the roof handle; other people said she had
been shot.
We were watching the TV when the news came through. My grandmother said, ‘Benazir will
become shaheed,’ meaning she would die an honourable death. We all started crying and praying for
her. When we learned she was dead, my heart said to me, Why don’t you go there and fight for
women’s rights? We were looking forward to democracy and now people asked, ‘If Benazir can die,
nobody is safe.’ It felt as if my country was running out of hope.
Musharraf blamed Benazir’s death on Baitullah Mehsud, the TTP leader, and released a transcript
of an intercepted phone call that was supposed to be between him and a fellow militant discussing the
attack. Baitullah denied responsibility, which was unusual for the Taliban.
We used to have Islamic studies teachers – qari sahibs – who came to our home to teach the Quran
to me and other local children. By the time the Taliban came I had finished my recitation of the
complete Quran, what we call Khatam ul-Quran, much to the delight of Baba, my grandfather the
cleric. We recite in Arabic, and most people don’t actually know what the verses mean, but I had also
started learning them in translation. To my horror one qari sahib tried to justify Benazir’s
assassination. ‘It was a very good job she was killed,’ he said. ‘When she was alive she was useless.
She was not following Islam properly. If she had lived there would have been anarchy.’
I was shocked and told my father. ‘We don’t have any option. We are dependent on these mullahs
to learn the Quran,’ he said. ‘But you just use him to learn the literal meaning of the words; don’t
follow his explanations and interpretation. Only learn what God says. His words are divine messages,
which you are free and independent to interpret.’