COMIC ARITHMETIC
Arithmetic is the art or science of computing
bj numbers. It is national, political, military,
and commercial. It is of the highest importance
to the community ; because it pre-eminently
teaches us to take care of Number I. Our ministers
succeed according to their knowledge of the
science of numbers. Witness the skilful management
of majorities of the lower house.
He who understands the true art of Addition,
Subtraction, Multiplication^ and Division, as here
laid down, will not be considered a mere cipher in
tlie world; but will, in all probability, make a
considerable /^wre ; and in the figurative words of
Horace, be "Dives agris dives positis in foenore
nummis."
Let us, therefore, under the guidance and protection
of that god of honest men, the light-heeled
and light-fingered Mercury, be diligent so to add
to our store by subtracting from the stores of
others, that we may add to our importance. Let
us so multiply our resources, by encouraging dimsion
among our contemporaries, that we may see
their reduction in the perfection of our own practice.
Arithmetic is the art or science of computing
bj numbers. It is national, political, military,
and commercial. It is of the highest importance
to the community ; because it pre-eminently
teaches us to take care of Number I. Our ministers
succeed according to their knowledge of the
science of numbers. Witness the skilful management
of majorities of the lower house.
He who understands the true art of Addition,
Subtraction, Multiplication^ and Division, as here
laid down, will not be considered a mere cipher in
tlie world; but will, in all probability, make a
considerable /^wre ; and in the figurative words of
Horace, be "Dives agris dives positis in foenore
nummis."
Let us, therefore, under the guidance and protection
of that god of honest men, the light-heeled
and light-fingered Mercury, be diligent so to add
to our store by subtracting from the stores of
others, that we may add to our importance. Let
us so multiply our resources, by encouraging dimsion
among our contemporaries, that we may see
their reduction in the perfection of our own practice.
158 FIGURES FOR THE MILLION. Stocks or Funds are the true substantial, In the golden ages of the world, cattle, corn, and merchandise were the medium of exchange among nations ; but as men grew more enlightened, they agreed to represent these things by pieces of conventional metal. This at last becoming scarce, the world would have fallen into a state of hapless and irrecoverable ruin, but for the idea of a fictitious representation of a representation, of a non-existmt which might have been. Funds are therefore the to kalon, the absolute, the logos, the never-to-be-apprehended, the inscrutable, the supreme totality of "emptiness," the absolute cause, the absolute effect, the absolute concurrence of national faith ; in short, the commercial " ideal " which all men worship, in its temples of the Bank and Stock Exchange. Stocks are the "heaven of this religion," an agreeable hallucination, by which a variety of insane persons, called Stockholders or Fundholders, are permitted to roam at large under the conviction that they possess wealth. The public are compelled to believe in these fictitious representations, which are the foundation of the " imaginative system" in fiscal affairs, of the Bill and Credit
STOCKS, FUNDS, &C. 159 system in commerce, and of the National Debt. In England there is nothing truly national but this debt, or dead weight, which is the mighty pendulum which makes the national clock "go upon tick." It is the true foundation of political economy and of social faith or trust ; " 'pon tick" is the basis of the wealth and happiness of our country, which it makes the envy of the world and the glory of surrounding nations. To be in debt argues credit, and credit respectability, and respectability means, and means resolve themselves into the Funds; here they merge into the blessed obscurity of " nothingness," and being absorbed by the same media, pass for a "something" which is far more formidable than " anything." Thus private wealth moves in a circle continually, making the round O from (nothing) to (nothing.) Joint Stock.—Joint Stock Companies are so called from the projectors being generally "black legs," and their victims "raw Jemmies." The object of such companies is to give honesty the
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STOCKS, FUNDS, &C. 159<br />
system in commerce, and of the National<br />
Debt.<br />
In England there is nothing truly national but<br />
this debt, or dead weight, which is the mighty<br />
pendulum which makes the national clock "go<br />
upon tick." It is the true foundation of political<br />
economy and of social faith or trust ;<br />
" 'pon tick"<br />
is the basis of the wealth and happiness of our<br />
country, which it makes the envy of the world and<br />
the glory of surrounding nations.<br />
To be in debt argues credit, and credit respectability,<br />
and respectability means, and means resolve<br />
themselves into the Funds; here they merge into<br />
the blessed obscurity of " nothingness," and being<br />
absorbed by the same media, pass for a "something"<br />
which is far more formidable than " anything."<br />
Thus private wealth moves in a circle<br />
continually, making the round O from<br />
(nothing)<br />
to<br />
(nothing.)<br />
Joint Stock.—Joint Stock Companies are so<br />
called from the projectors being generally "black<br />
legs," and their victims "raw Jemmies." The<br />
object of such companies is to give honesty the