COMIC ARITHMETIC
Arithmetic is the art or science of computing
bj numbers. It is national, political, military,
and commercial. It is of the highest importance
to the community ; because it pre-eminently
teaches us to take care of Number I. Our ministers
succeed according to their knowledge of the
science of numbers. Witness the skilful management
of majorities of the lower house.
He who understands the true art of Addition,
Subtraction, Multiplication^ and Division, as here
laid down, will not be considered a mere cipher in
tlie world; but will, in all probability, make a
considerable /^wre ; and in the figurative words of
Horace, be "Dives agris dives positis in foenore
nummis."
Let us, therefore, under the guidance and protection
of that god of honest men, the light-heeled
and light-fingered Mercury, be diligent so to add
to our store by subtracting from the stores of
others, that we may add to our importance. Let
us so multiply our resources, by encouraging dimsion
among our contemporaries, that we may see
their reduction in the perfection of our own practice.
Arithmetic is the art or science of computing
bj numbers. It is national, political, military,
and commercial. It is of the highest importance
to the community ; because it pre-eminently
teaches us to take care of Number I. Our ministers
succeed according to their knowledge of the
science of numbers. Witness the skilful management
of majorities of the lower house.
He who understands the true art of Addition,
Subtraction, Multiplication^ and Division, as here
laid down, will not be considered a mere cipher in
tlie world; but will, in all probability, make a
considerable /^wre ; and in the figurative words of
Horace, be "Dives agris dives positis in foenore
nummis."
Let us, therefore, under the guidance and protection
of that god of honest men, the light-heeled
and light-fingered Mercury, be diligent so to add
to our store by subtracting from the stores of
others, that we may add to our importance. Let
us so multiply our resources, by encouraging dimsion
among our contemporaries, that we may see
their reduction in the perfection of our own practice.
92 FIGURES FOR THE MILLION. when the pockets are to be rifled, either with or without a bayonet at the end of it. The charge for spiritual care is best settled by a charge of dragoons ; and a discharge of clerical arrears by a discharge offlre-arms>* TO REDUCE MONEY WEIGHTS AND MEASURES TO DECIMALS, Take a tithe-owner, a collector, a proctor's warrant, and a constable, and go in a body to the house of a Quaker, or the mud hovel of an Irish Catholic. Enter the house by means of a crow-bar. Take pigs, poultry, pots, pans, sticks, or rattletraps. Obtain an appraiser, call in a broker, and dimde the spoil by means of any number of vulgar fractions, called purchasers. Take the dividend, called plunder, and " pocket." * Whatever may be said of the mode of collecting tithes, nothing can be said against the "right of tithe." The clergy are the greatest sufferers, and no consummation is more devoutly to be wished than an equitable adjustment. As things are at present, the clergy do not get half their dues, and these are obtained in a manner well calculated to keep up the idea of a certain person shearing the hogs, "great cry and little wool."
DECIMALS. 93 TO BRING DECIMALS TO THEIR PROPER VALUE IN WHOLE NUMBERS. The proper value of a decimal is only to be ascertained by his points of character, and they are to be found of full value in many parts of the kingdom, in the shape of worthy curates, and honest rectors and vicars, dimding not their flocks, or the produce of their flocks, but their own time, meaiiSi and moneys in the conscientious discharge of their clerical duties.
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92 FIGURES FOR THE MILLION.<br />
when the pockets are to be rifled, either with or<br />
without a bayonet at the end of it. The charge<br />
for spiritual care is best settled by a charge of<br />
dragoons ; and a discharge of clerical arrears by a<br />
discharge offlre-arms>*<br />
TO REDUCE MONEY WEIGHTS AND MEASURES TO<br />
DECIMALS,<br />
Take a tithe-owner, a collector, a proctor's<br />
warrant, and a constable, and go in<br />
a body to the<br />
house of a<br />
Quaker, or the mud hovel of an Irish<br />
Catholic.<br />
Enter the house by means of a crow-bar.<br />
Take pigs, poultry, pots, pans, sticks, or rattletraps.<br />
Obtain an appraiser, call in a broker, and dimde<br />
the spoil by means of any number of vulgar<br />
fractions, called purchasers. Take the dividend,<br />
called plunder, and " pocket."<br />
* Whatever may be said of the mode of collecting tithes, nothing<br />
can be said against the "right of tithe." The clergy are the<br />
greatest sufferers, and no consummation is more devoutly to be<br />
wished than an equitable adjustment. As things are at present,<br />
the clergy do not get half their dues, and these are obtained in a<br />
manner well calculated to keep up the idea of a certain person<br />
shearing the hogs, "great cry and little wool."
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