DCIS Newsletter June 2018

Advice and Guidance:
Transitions
The end of a school year can be an exciting but
challenging time for many children and families.
Uncertainties about new classes and teachers,
even new schools and countries, can all add
to the worry that some children (and their
parents!) may feel. It is natural to feel some
excitement and even worry when anticipating
such a significant change. We can help to reduce
this worry for our families by being prepared for
the change.
Here are 7 tips taken from an article
on Psychology Today, with input from
Psychologist Doug Ota, which you may find
helpful:
1. Say your goodbyes
“Moving, at its psychological core, is an
experience of loss,” writes Ota. Saying
goodbye to the people, places, and the roles
that are left behind is an inherently difficult
but necessary step. By helping children say
a clear goodbye, we are helping them to say
a clear hello.
2. Pick pivotal people
Pick a few important people from your
child’s life from back “home” (grandparents,
neighbours, friends) with whom your child
could check in once in a while and tell them
about their new life. It’s important to choose
people who are staying put. This way, they
can become the pivots around which your
child’s stories can rotate.
3. Listen
“Do not underestimate the healing power
of simply attending to whatever a child
is saying,” writes Ota. Listen reflectively –
discerning the core message, or reading
between the lines – then repeat the core
message back to the child to make sure you
got them correctly. This shows empathy and
the intention of wanting to truly understand
their feelings and experiences. “Having you
as an audience is often all they need.”
4. Maintain traditions
From an evolutionary perspective, human
beings resist change. When everything in the
landscape starts changing, we intuitively
tighten our grasp on things that have
stayed the same. For a successful mobility
experience, Ota suggests maintaining
continuity in space and time. This entails
not only bringing along familiar things such
8
as furniture, pictures and sacred objects, but
also traditions. Whether they are Sunday
dinners or bedtime rituals, doing the same
things you used to do at the same time in
your new place will provide this continuity.
5. Give children choices
During a move, children often feel like they
don’t have any choice or control over various
parameters of their lives. “The long-term
absence of control over these parameters
can lead to two alternatives, either angry
rebellion or learned helplessness,” writes
Ota. The solution could be to give children
choices. Whether it’s big ones (e.g., which
school to attend) or small ones (e.g., how
to decorate their rooms), having them
participate in decision-making will help
them feel like not everything is out of
their control and thus, help to boost their
confidence.
6. Welcome difficult feelings
Often children will get the sense that they
are not allowed to have negative feelings
about the move. “Many feel under pressure
from their parents (“Why can’t you just be
positive for a change?”) or their environment
(“You’re so lucky to be going to live abroad!”)
to bury negative feelings,” according to
Ota. These feelings have a better chance of
relaxing and not popping up later in life if
they are validated rather than when they are
oppressed or denied. Encourage your child
to feel like they are allowed to have all kinds
of emotions about the move – including the
negative ones. After all, navigating through
life’s ups and downs is a skill well worth
acquiring.
7. Extra help for the introverts
A lot of factors come into play with how
well and how quickly we adapt to new
environments. One of them is personality.
“The more extroverted and assertive a
person is, and the more he or she is open
to new experiences, the more quickly he
or she will adapt through the challenges
of mobility,” says Ota. What about the
introverts? Children who are shy or
cautious, may inherently need more time
to process their feelings and adapt to
new environments. You can help these
children by making them understand their
personality strengths and the circumstances
under which they thrive. “Teach them to
look for somebody else who’s probably
feeling afraid, like somebody standing by
themselves,” suggests Ota. “Teach them
to take a big deep breath, walk up to that
person, and introduce themselves. Then
find out where the person’s coming from,
and what his or her hobbies are. Before they
know it, they might have a friend.”
Alison Ford
Counsellor
References
Ota, D. (2014). Safe Passage, How mobility affects
people and what international schools should do
about it. Summertime Publishing, UK.
Pogosyan, M. (2016). Helping Children Through
Transitions. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/
between-cultures/201609/helping-childrenthrough-transitions