Peace in the Face of War

Brother John of the Cross CSWG
6 April 1944 – 12 November 2015
Professed March 25 1994
Homily given at his funeral on November 21 2015
Job 19:23-27; Romans 5:1-11; John 6:27-40
The people said to Jesus, What must we do to perform the works of God?
Jesus answered them, This is the work of God, that you believe in him who
he has sent. (John 6:28-29)
On 7 November 2012, Brother John of the Cross had a fall. This wasn’t
unusual, as his walking had been getting very wobbly. With help he got back
to his cell but as the day went on it was clear that all was not well. He couldn’t
move his left leg, though he wasn’t in pain. An ambulance was called and
he and I went off to the hospital. He hasn’t been resident at the Monastery
since then. The condition of his legs – peripheral neuropathy – meant that
he felt little pain and as the doctors at Accident and Emergency hadn’t seen
him walk in his rather precarious way, their initial concern was to make
sure there wasn’t a reason for his fall – chest pain, a blackout, dizziness and
so on. The trouble was that, though John was his usual chirpy self, the fall
had clearly jolted him onto another level of confusion. He answered their
questions brightly enough but was not, shall we say, very consistent. He
was asked several times if he was in pain. ‘No, no,’ he said. Later, when he
was asked if he was in pain, he said he was, indicating areas on his right leg,
when it was his left hip he had broken. Eventually the doctor said to me, ‘He
seems rather confused,’ and did I know anything of his medical condition
and history. When I reeled off all the things that were the matter with him
and the medication he took to keep it all in some sort of coordination and
working order, she looked somewhat stunned. I was to repeat this to various
doctors over the coming weeks. I must admit I rather enjoyed their amazed
reactions, made all the more comic with John usually sitting there, smiling
happily and largely oblivious of what we were talking about. I can laugh
about it now and I did then, but actually it was the unfolding of a tragedy. It
was the beginning of a slowly diminishing existence, which was to end in his
death on Thursday of last week.
After the operation to repair his hip, he had no pain, so keeping him in
bed or in his chair became a major problem on the ward. No amount of
telling him made any difference. He had no sense of danger and wouldn’t
stay still. We were told he couldn’t return to the Monastery, as it was highly
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