Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 372 – June 20, 2018

It was 1998, and I was
in 8th grade, when I
decided to start coming
out to my small town in
the middle of Michigan.
In the Midwest you don’t
come out to individuals,
close friends or family
members; the news
travels fast—you come
out to the entire town,
overnight.
No one was surprised.
A few years back I had
begun dressing goth,
and in 5th grade proudly
proclaimed my love
for Alanis Morissette,
whom I still adore to
this day. Before coming
out I’d been plagued
with fear that my father
would disown me, and I
would literally become
the next Matthew
Shepard. None of those
things happened. To
be honest, I ended up
having it pretty easy,
aside from having food
thrown at me in the
lunchroom, being yelled
at in the hallway and
a few words scratched
into my locker, which
of course were spelled
wrong.
THOMAS
TALKS
ABOUT:
Here we are, 20 years
later, and LGBTQ
populations still don’t
have it easy, and in a
lot of cases it’s worse.
With the gain in visibility
comes the rise of hate
crimes, reportedly an
increase of 5% yearly
against the LGBTQ
community. And 40% of
homeless youth identify
as LGBTQ. Families
are still kicking their
children out because
of their sexuality and
gender identity, leaving
our LGBTQ brothers
and sisters to make new
families, their chosen
families.
I just moved to NYC
from Utah, and I don’t
know anyone. I want
to make friends, but
everyone seems to just
want to hook up. What
do I do? - Male, Gay,
19
Welcome to the city! I
think what you’re going
through is something
that most go through
when they move here.
You’re the new face, and
everyone wants a piece.
You didn’t mention what
you do for work or if
you’re a student, but I’d
recommend getting a
social job (something in
a restaurant or bar) in a
gay part of town. You’ll
meet a ton of coworkers
that are LGBTQ, or
friendly straights, and
tons of patrons. That’s
COMING OUT
what I did when I moved
here, and I met mostly
great people. I’d shy
away from apps for
making friends, but if
you go that route, be
clear you’re “looking for
friends”—and mean it.
Hookups can become
friends, but it’s not
always the case.
I haven’t come out to
my family. My friends
think I’m weak and
should. I’m afraid
they will cut me off
financially, and I need
them. Do I have to
come out? - Male, Gay,
mid-20s
No one can make you
come out, and you don’t
say if you “want” to. If
it’s something you want
to do, then do it. You’re
in your mid-20s; you
can support yourself
one way or another.
But, that’s a choice you
have to make, and it
might require making
some lifestyle changes.
Everyone has a different
timeline, and only you
can say what’s right for
yourself. There are a
variety of reasons to
come out or stay in the
closet, and there is no
“right answer,” but you
have to make sure you’re
safe either way. Make
a pros and cons list,
accept that for now and
reassess later. Write to
me again if you decide
you want to come out
and need some tips!
Sex/Love/ReLationShip advice? Send youR queStionS to: thomaStaLkSabout@gmaiL.com
@thomaSWhitfieLd84