Fertility Road Issue 14

didn’t touch the ground when I walked;
I floated. I was on top of the world. I felt
as though we had finally been rewarded for
all our hard work and now we would finally
have our family and our IVF days would
be over. I nurtured myself and my growing
babies. I stayed fit and healthy, exercising
regularly and ensuring I ate only the best
food. I had waited so long to be pregnant
and I was revelling in it. I loved telling people
that I was expecting twins, they would
all be so happy for me especially those who
knew of our struggle. The prospect of welcoming
two beautiful babies into our world
consumed me. It became my every thought
and filled my heart with such warmth.
Finally our family would be complete.
» What goes up must come down
When I began bleeding at 19 weeks, I had
no idea how my world was about to
change. What started out as minor abdominal
twinges, soon evolved into severe
cramping and heavy bleeding. I managed
to drive myself to hospital and was taken
straight to emergency. By the time I was
examined by a doctor I was fully dilated. I
had gone into spontaneous labour and in
the doctors own words, ‘there was nothing
they could do’, I was going to have my
babies that day. It wasn’t until Dale arrived
at the hospital and I had to explain to him
what was happening that the gravity of the
situation hit me. We were about to endure
the most harrowing and heartbreaking
night of our lives and there was absolutely
nothing we could do to stop it.
“
Even though we experienced immense
heartache along the way, I look back at the
journey as the most wonderful thing that ever
happened to me. I guess I am a ‘glass half full’
type of person and having that attitude got me
As the babies were less than 20 weeks
gestation, we were told there would be no
medical intervention once they were born.
When I asked the midwife if there was any
chance my babies would survive the birth,
she calmly replied, ‘No’. At that moment,
I had two perfectly healthy babies inside
me. My body was about to end their lives
before they had a chance to take their first
breath and it was out of my control.
I begged the nursing staff to perform a
caesarean, please don’t make me deliver
them if it means they won’t survive, but
that is not the way things are done. Six
and a half hours after arriving at hospital
I gave birth to our two little girls. So tiny,
so perfect and so beautiful. As I held one
of my babies in my arms, her tiny hand
wrapped around my finger. I touched her
skin and kissed and kissed and kissed her,
telling her how sorry I was. This was all
my fault. I looked over at my husband
holding our second baby, he was crying so
hard, it was the saddest moment of my life.
My body had betrayed me, betrayed Dale,
betrayed our babies and as a result we
would never get the chance to know them.
We would never hear them laugh or cry.
We wouldn’t be able to watch them grow
into little girls, or become young ladies or
even hear them call us Mummy or Daddy.
In that moment, all that we had struggled
for had been ripped away. A little piece of
us died that day along with our babies. We
held them for a long time before we finally
handed them over to the midwife for the
last time. We named them Tia and Kirra.
» Little Blessings
We were emotionally shattered after the
loss of our girls and found it difficult to
think beyond that horrendous night, but
we had to remain strong for each other
and focus on the future. I yearned to be
pregnant again. My body yearned for it and
my heart yearned for it. Two months later I
was back at my fertility clinic to try again
using frozen embryos from the same ‘batch’
as the twins. We couldn’t believe it when
one month later we got the call from my
clinic that my pregnancy test was positive!
It was the longest nine months of my life.
I couldn’t relax until I was able to hold that
baby in my arms and I did just that nine
months later when I gave birth to my first
son, Taj. Four IVF cycles and 3 and a half
years later, I gave birth to my second child,
another beautiful little boy named Kai.
Dale and I both learnt so much about
ourselves and the type of people we really
are. We grew as individuals and as a couple.
We forged some great friendships along the
way and allowed the people that we cared
most about become part of our journey. I have
gained so much from my quest to start a
family. Even though we experienced immense
heartache along the way, I look back at the
journey as the most wonderful thing that
ever happened to me. I guess I am a ‘glass half
full’ type of person and having that attitude
got me through the toughest nine years
of my life. I now spend my time with my
amazing boys and remind myself everyday
that I am so blessed to have them in my life.
For more information on Jenni's path to
parenthood or to purchase a copy of her
book, please visit myivfblessings.com
through the toughest nine years of my life. ” 49
APRIL - MAY 2013 | WWW.FERTILITYROAD.COM |