MIND “Although we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives, we can choose how we respond and move forward” | fertilityroadom | fertilityroadmag | follow us @fertilityroad
MIND THE IMPORTANCE OF RESILIENCE Learn how to develop and nurture resilience to become better equipped at navigating your way through life’s challenges By Juliana Kassianos From a young age, we hope and expect to live a 'fairy-tale' notion of life – one where we live happily ever after. We map out a timeline of our lives, which tends to go something along the lines of that old playground rhyme we used to sing: "First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes baby in a baby carriage." But as we grow older, we start to learn the hard truth that life doesn't always go to plan. Although we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives, we can choose how we respond and move forward. It’s our ability to work through the tough times that makes us grow stronger not only in person but in our relationships too. This soldier on attitude requires a certain amount of resilience, which isn’t something we’re born with, it’s something we develop and nurture throughout our lives. We can do this by putting into practice what I call the three A’s: Acceptance, Awareness and Action. Acceptance It’s important we accept early on that life doesn’t always play fair. Plans we make might not always work out the way we thought they would and life itself may be a little harder than we’d imagined it to be. There are bound to be some bumps, turns and dark tunnels in the road ahead of us. By accepting this, it gives us the readiness and willpower to work through any obstacles that come our way, making sure that we get to our desired destination, no matter how hard it may be or how long it may take. When we hit these obstacles it can feel like the breaks are being slammed on our life. We’ve suddenly stalled, whilst everyone else appears to be happily moving forward, leaving us behind feeling scared, lost and all alone. A feeling you might be all too familiar with if you’re struggling to conceive. As a form of control, we tend to react by either suppressing our thoughts, feelings and emotions or resisting them, but this only makes their power over us grow stronger. As Shinzen Young formulated ‘Suffering = Pain x Resistance’; the more we resist pain, the more we suffer. Think of it like quicksand, the more you struggle, the faster you sink. But if you stop struggling, it gives you more time to find a way to free yourself. Embracing the struggle isn’t easy; it’s something we have to make a conscious decision to do. To choose to accept obstacles we come across as part of our journey, to embrace them and believe in our ability to work through them. To know in advance that’s it’s not necessarily going to be an easy ride, but confidently say nonetheless “I’ve got this”. Awareness When we get knocked down, it’s tempting to hide under the duvet and shut-ourselves out from the world or go about our day pretending we’re fine, as though nothing’s happened. To be able to pick ourselves up, we need to be completely honest with ourselves, acknowledge that there’s something we need to work on and have a sense of self-compassion. To not beat ourselves up about how we’re feeling. To realise it’s okay not to be okay. To admit to ourselves: “I’m not coping”, “I’m anxious” or “I’m lost”. Certain life events such as miscarriage, termination or stillbirth can have such a traumatic impact on us mentally, physically and socially, that they can be life-changing. As a result, we can’t necessarily bounce back to who we were before, but we can grow through what we go through and use the experience to gain a better understanding of ourselves. If we suppress our thoughts, feelings, emotions, it may help us to get through each day, but it’s not going to help us heal. It’s putting a plaster over the wound. In order to heal the wound and recover, we need to acknowledge and address all that we’re suppressing either consciously or subconsciously. In order to reflect, it may be helpful to start writing in a journal every day. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful tool to help develop and increase your selfawareness. To get into the habit, schedule a time in your day to do so, such as first thing in the morning or before you go to bed. Keep your journal and pen on your bedside table to act as a daily reminder, so you don’t forget to fill it in. Your emotions may be more deeply-rooted, so much so that you might not even be aware of | fertilityroadmag | follow us @fertilityroad fertilityroad.com | 39
Change language