Fertility Road Issue 44 May/June 2018

MIND
mean it’s all doom and gloom and we are
destined to be on this emotional rollercoaster
forever, that nothing will change.
The more we recognise the nature of thought,
that it’s thought, not truth or reality. That our
experience is created by these spontaneous
neutral thoughts we can begin to change our
relationship with them. It’s not the content of
thought that matters. It’s not our feelings that are
the problem. It’s whether we think they matter
or not. It’s our relationship with them. The more
we see thought for what it is, it moves on. Fresh
thinking is always behind it. We shift back to our
innate wellbeing without doing anything.
Think about the times you’ve felt most at peace.
You drop into those moments without doing
anything, when you stop trying to be OK. This is
because we ARE OK in this moment. We have all
we need to be OK and at peace in this moment.
It’s only when we get caught up in our stories of
the future (or past) we are not OK.
Our thoughts create our experience. Which in
turn can impact our physiology and chances to
get pregnant. The more you see thoughts and
feelings for what they are and the fact you are the
observer of them, they are like clouds on a breeze
but you are not the clouds, you are the sky that
has the potential to have clouds. The more we
see this the more we get connected to our innate
wellbeing we were born with. When our thinking
collapses we have a connection to our true self
that has everything we need at this moment.
A thought is like a snow globe. It settles all on it’s
own when we stop trying to be OK. When we are
no longer scared of our experience (by judging
what it means for our future) it moves on, our
mind settles, we come back to the here and now.
We reconnect to our full range of resources that
know we are OK. In this moment you are OK.
This is the only moment that exists.
Care
By care, I mean self care. So often on this journey
we can be striving for the next thing that can
be ‘the’ thing that makes the difference. We
are filling our day with so much to do and
think about. Nutrition, supplements, herbs,
acupuncture, yoga, losing weight, trying to relax,
tracking cycle, journalling, mindfulness, the
timing of sex, researching what else could be out
there...as well as everything else in life. It’s not
what you do it’s why you do it. If you are doing
things out of fear of not doing enough or missing
the thing that could make the difference then a)
that fear will be undermining the good thing you
are doing and b) it could actually be fuelling the
fear. Do what you feel inspires you. Trust your
instinct. Stop doing what you think you ‘should’
be doing, even temporarily, you may come back
to it in the future but maybe giving yourself a
break from some of these things will serve you
most right now.
What do you do for fun? For play? Play is doing
something just for the hell of it because it feeds
our soul. What do you do for you, your soul?
Not your fertility. Your soul. What feeds your
soul? Whether it be a long hot bath, amateur
dramatics, meeting with friends, do more of it.
These things often get left out of our lives when
we are locked on to Project Baby. These things
keep life flowing, which in turn keeps your body
flowing. The mind and body are one system.
A lovely relaxation technique I teach clients is
a breathing technique that works by stopping
your mind time travelling. It prevents you going
into la-la land future in your head that is often
scary, depressing but totally made up. It keeps
you in the here and now because it gets you to
focus on your breath and your body is always
in the present moment. What I love about this
technique is that you can do it with your eyes
open and no-one needs to know you are doing
it as it’s not a special breath, it’s a nice relaxed
breath whilst you are counting in your head.
As you breathe in count to 1-3 in your head.
As you breathe out count to 1-5 in your head.
Repeat over and over.
Find a pace of counting that gives you a nice
relaxed breathe.
After 3 or 5 breaths you may notice how you are
feeling more relaxed, more centred.
You can practice with your eyes closed but it’s
great to use any place, any time, anywhere!
So dealing with stress is about understanding
the cause of it. That it’s thought not our
circumstances. The more we understand that
feelings are thought and it is not telling us
anything about whether we will or will not have
a baby, it is our thought in this moment, our
imagination we are feeling, we don’t have to be
scared of it. When we stop resenting and resisting
it we find a deeper sense of peace we never knew
we could have in the toughest of circumstances.
We are built to thrive in reality, whatever that
reality in this present moment is. And this
present moment knows nothing about the future.
Nothing can predict the future not even thought
and feelings. We were told we would never get
pregnant naturally. One in a billion chance of it
happening the doctors told us. It did.
Russell is a fertility coach supporting
couples on their journey. You can contact
him via his website thefertilemind.net
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