Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 366 – May 9, 2018

BY TY SEECOF
KISS
FIRST,
BRUNCH
LATER:
Do platonic friendships
among gay men exist?
My friend recently told me a story about
this guy he met. It went per usual: They
met at a bar, went home together, decided
they weren’t compatible and should just be
friends. This is a common narrative among
our community. Being a marginalized
community united by sexual identity, it’s no
surprise why we’re more open-minded than
our hetero peers. Our sex-positive, hook-up
culture has definitely reshaped how we see
platonic relationships. But is it a good thing?
When you go to the bars, you immediately
feel men on the prowl around you. Whether
there is or isn’t chemistry often dictates
that first interaction among strangers. That
chemistry can be a make or break a potential
friendship before it even develops. This is
either a flaw or a super power.
Once, I innocently complimented a
gentleman’s jacket. He replied, “Sorry, I don’t
fuck lesbians.” If he wanted to sleep with
me, this story would have gone differently.
We might have even become friends, but
since he couldn’t look past his own sex drive,
he lost an opportunity to get to know me.
Checking myself, I realized I’ve certainly been
in a similar situation, minus the name calling.
Imagine all of the friends we could make if
we’re not always “looking.”
Not every gay friendship starts with a kiss,
obviously. However, sex is still present. Much
of the reason why I met one of my best
friends was because I thought he was cute.
If I didn’t think he was cute, I might have
missed out on an amazing friend, which is
why our sex drive can feel like a super power.
Ty Seecof is a gay, New Yorkbased
writer. He currently works
in advertising, but his work also
includes essays and screenplays.
Visit TylerSeecof.com or @The_
TyGuy_ on Instagram.
Even if you don’t kiss first, it can feel like
there’s a pressure building to test the
waters. After all, there are many types of
relationships. If we’re going to be friends,
we should check to see if we are compatible
romantically (open or monogamous) at
some point, right? Or, let’s find out if we
can be friends with benefits, maybe. Even
if it’s just a one-time thing, most of us have
done our due diligence to confirm that
we’ve slapped the proper identification on
our companionship with a fellow gay. It’s
like hooking up is not only an inescapable
prerequisite, but a tool.
Good or bad, it feels like there’s a certain
mindset in our community to kiss first, brunch
later. Personally, I want to break free from
this. I don’t want to miss out meeting great
people because I don’t find them attractive,
nor do I want to miss out because someone
doesn’t find me attractive.
Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with
hooking up first, as long as you’re not doing
it because you feel pressured to. Just try to
keep an open mind to people you may not
initially feel attracted to. You never know
who may enter your life. And when you are
kissing (among other things) first, be safe and
respectful. Besides that, there’s not much
more anyone can ask of you.
PHOTO CREDIT ASHLEY CAWLEY

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ISSUE 366 - MAY 9 2018
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ELENA (COSTA RICA/22 MIN.)
Some people irreversibly change your present.
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ALMOST SAW THE SUNSHINE (UNITED KINGDOM/30 MIN.)
Rachel is a young aspiring transgender woman. After a series of coincidental
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Directed by Leon Lopez
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Aysha is a young energetic voice emerging from the Middle East. Poetry and
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New Hope Celebrates 15 Years of Community Pride • “The United Colors Of Love”
"Showbiz Spitfire"
Paige Turner
Stephanie Chin
Leonardo Martinez DJ Krk Josh Zuckerman Christine Martucci
Chris Weaver as
"Nedra Belle"
As seen on The Voice Finale
Stephanies Child
Sunday 6 th - Sunday 20 th
Kick-off of the BEST Cocktail Contest
town wide Get OUT and Vote -
Sponsored by Tito’s & Templeton Rye
VOTE - bestcocktailcontest.com
Saturday 12 th
Pride 5k Run - Lambertville
to New Hope Register online
Rainbow Flag Event at Starbucks
on Bridge & Main Streets 11:30am
Special flag tribute music
and daytime fireworks show
Wednesday 16 th
FACT Bingo - At the Eagle Fire Hall 6-9pm
The Love Boat sails to Gilligan’s Island
Bob Egan’s Open Mic
Night on the Piano at The Raven
in the Oak Room
7:00 -10:00pm
Thursday 17 th
Service for Justice at St. Phillips
Special guest speakers, more details online
Pride Trivia Night Hosted by Danny E.
Triumph Brewing Co. Union Square
Friday 18 th
Ferry Market Special Event
Food, Spirits & Live Entertainment
8:00-10:00pm- Special tickets online
TGIF Party - The Raven and The Cub
Room additional details online.
Saturday May 19 th
Annual Pride Parade 11:00am Starts in
Lambertville crossing the bridge to New Hope
Pride Fair Noon-5:00pm on West Ferry St.
at the Logan Inn parking lot. Various Vendors,
Live Entertainment, Fun all day!
Saturday Night Fever NHC’s Annual
Dance Party at The Raven 9:00pm-2:00am
Sunday May 20 th
Special events town wide, discover all we
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“THE RUNAWAY HIT OF
THE OFF-BROADWAY SEASON”
– THEATERMANIA
a new play by S. ASHER GELMAN
the climax is just the beginning
afterglowtheplay.com

BY EILEEN SHAPIRO
CELEBRITY CORRESPONDENT
FROM LEFT: JULIAN WALKER, CELEBRITY AMBASSADOR; ANTHONY
CURRY, EVENT PRODUCER; ERIK NUNEZ, CONTENT PRODUCER;
KENNETH COURTNEY, PUBLICIST; DASHAWN USHER, FOUNDER;
D’ONTACE KEYES, CONTENT PRODUCER; BRANDON DYKES,
MARKETING DIRECTOR; LONDON MILES, COORDINATOR
DASHAWN USHER
MOBI: MOBILIZING OUR BROTHERS INITIATIVE
DaShawn Usher is the founder and executive director of MOBI (Mobilizing Our
Brothers Initiative), a series of curated social connectivity events for black gay
and queer men to see their holistic self while promoting community, wellness
and personal development.
Usher has explained it as “trying to actually showcase that there is a community
that actually cares about you, that wants to support you, that wants to see you
succeed in any area that you choose.” This May New York will enjoy MOBIfest,
an interactive arts experience that celebrates black queer voices in fashion,
music, visual arts and media, and is “the only free curated festival focused on
seeing its attendees in their holistic selves.”
Performing at the festival is Dawn Richard, formerly a member of the group
Danity Kane. She will be headlining the festival at the Melrose Ballroom
Saturday, May 19. When asked why she wanted to headline at the festival,
Richard answered: “I felt honored to be asked to headline the launch of MOBI’s
first festival. MOBI’s mission is really important as well.” She went on to say, “It’s
great to be part of such an important cause.”
I spoke with Usher, who shed some light on the importance of the project. I
found him to be very polite and brilliant, and I enjoyed our conversation.

I’m sure some of our
readers aren’t familiar
with MOBI, so can you
explain exactly what it
is?
So MOBI stands
for Mobilizing Our
Brothers Initiative. It’s an
organization that exists
really for black, gay and
queer men to see their
holistic selves through
community engagement
and our social connectivity
events. It’s really centered
around being a bridge to
connect our community
to existing resources and
partners and ultimately to
each other.
You are the founder,
correct?
Yes, I am. I founded it in
June of last year.
I understand that the feeling is that
there aren’t enough black, gay bars or
Internet space?
It goes a lot beyond that. There’s literally
a lack of space, like physical convening
space, for the black, gay and queer
community, and it’s not just in New York
City, but it’s all over the country. It’s even
more crazy that in New York City, you
would think that we would have all of
these options. We really don’t. There is
only, as far as I know, only two black gayowned
bars and/or clubs. ... We can go
to The Village, Hell’s Kitchen or Chelsea
where there are so many other gay bars
that exist for the larger gay community.
Sometimes we feel welcomed in those
bars; other times we don’t. But just to
think also that the only time we can
convene is inside of a club is crazy. MOBI
is thinking about how can we actually
connect outside of those types of venues,
but where do we connect when there’s a
lack of physical spaces.

Most of my friends are
gay men. At least half
are black and gay, and
I’ve never been aware
of them complaining. So
when you say “meet up,”
are you specifying for
relationship purposes,
or is it a social thing, a
health thing? Can you
explain further?
So the way that I’m looking
at it is, it’s like on all
fronts. So it’s holistic. Even
though we can enter those
are totally welcomed or
culturally appropriate
for our community? For
example, I have friends
that are comfortable in
Hell’s Kitchen, and then
I have friends that won’t
ever go to Hell’s Kitchen.
It’s like, how do we find
that balance? Then there
is a health and wellness
aspect. Again, if we don’t
necessarily feel like we
are valued to even be at a
bar or be inside of those
viable community. For us,
often times when we are
inside of those spaces we
are still the minority, and
then we’re thinking about
how do we connect to
everybody else? I think
part of it plays into our
overall health. We think
about how do people
think about their overall
health, their value or their
mental health? I think
about the services we have
available and the barriers
venues, when you don’t
have anything specific—in
other words, some of
those bars have a hip-hop
night or Latino night or
whatever—but why does
it have to be like a theme
versus a consistent venue
that we can frequent?
Part of that plays into the
social aspect. Are bars
the only places that we
can convene in that we
spaces, then what does
that say internally to our
community? Again, for
the larger gay community,
they take that for granted,
because it’s become the
norm. They have their
safe spaces. It’s like, they
are able to come out and
socialize, and it’s not about
sex or anything like that.
It’s like, they’re able to
actually have a visible and
to access them. We
know that there is plenty
of community-based
organizations that are
geared towards black, gay
men, particularly around
HIV prevention, but they
also have other services
that they don’t ever
offer black, gay men, for
instance nutrition, housing,
finance management or
fitness.

There are so many other
services that they are
able to provide that they
don’t provide to our
community.
Do you think
statistically that
perhaps this is because
there are less black,
gay men in the actual
community?
No. I have a background
also in research, and
part of it is that we are
there. How are we being
counted? If some of
these organizations are
targeted towards one
certain population, there
is always going to be
an influx of who shows
up to that organization,
and who they are able to
serve.
Do you think that
having more black, gay,
queer bars exclusively
promotes a type of
segregation within the
community?
I can definitely
understand that point. I
think the thing with that
is that it’s very similar
to the Historically Black
Colleges and Universities
(HBCU) model. Thinking
about why did those
colleges have to exist?
It’s like, if there are
regular colleges and
community colleges, why
would we need a black
college? We were not
welcomed. We weren’t
allowed in. And we also
couldn’t see ourselves
in those spaces, making
it virtually impossible
to thrive. If you never
see representation of
yourself, what impact
does that have on
you? It’s not to say that
every day we have to
go to this one place. It
would be great if there
were 40 bars. Give or
take, there are like 40
gay bars across the
city, encompassing
Manhattan and the
other four boroughs.
There are so many
different options where
you can go, but to think
that you only have two
bars—one is in Brooklyn
(Langston’s) and one is in
Harlem (Alibi)—at least if
you have more options it
creates that opportunity
for people to mix and
mingle and feel affirmed
and safe to step foot into
those larger gay spaces.
I don’t think it’s about
being exclusionary.
Unfortunately it has to
exist somewhere, and
someone has to start it.
So as a straight, white
woman, would I be
welcomed at these
bars like I am in, say,
The Monster?
Yeah, you definitely
would be. Andy Cohen
has been to the black
gay bar in Harlem and
has frequented other
black, gay parties like
Trappy Hour Harlem.
Part of it is that I think
that when you are
already a minority,
despite what people
might think, there
usually is this inclusion
of other folks, because
you already know what
it feels like to be a
minority.
That’s a good point.
I understand your
organization is going
to have a festival in
May. Can we talk
about that?
We’re planning our
first festival. It’s called
MOBIfest. It is going to
happen Thursday, May
17, through Saturday,
May 19. It’s a citywide
festival that celebrates
black, queer voices in
different industries, like
fashion, music, media
and the arts. Each day
is going to highlight
and celebrate those
particular industries and
our influence on the
various cultures. We are
teaming up with some
amazing black, gay and
queer individuals for
our community like art
curator Jae Joseph, DJs
BMajr and Adam R. from
Papi Juice, visionary
artist LaQuann Dawson,
media influencers Julian
Walker and Dustin Ross,
and our favorite drag
queens Harmonica
Sunbeam and Brita
Filter, to name a few
folks involved. Since
it’s a citywide festival,
we want to showcase
different areas of the
city. Thursday night will
be in Manhattan, Friday
night will be in Brooklyn
and Saturday will be at
the Melrose Ballroom
in Long Island City,
Queens. People can
earn a free ticket and
learn more at
MOBI-NYC.COM.

BY IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
@ianmichaelinwonderland
The Mystery Dildo
Last week, a mysterious
package arrived at my door.
The package itself wasn’t
mysterious: It was just a
brown cardboard box,
medium-sized, sent to my
address, APARTMENT 33
written in all capital letters
across the top—but there
was no name attached.
There are five of us in a fivebedroom/three-bathroom:
two straight roommates,
two gay, and then of course
me. “What do we do?” one
of the straight roommates
asked. Three of us stared
at the box; the
other straight
roommate and
one of the
gays were
working.
“What
if it’s
anthrax?”
J, the
gay roommate, took a long
pull from his joint.
“It’s not anthrax,” I rolled
my eyes. “It’s probably
something I ordered online
when I was blacked out.”
“Yeah,” J choked, his face
clouded in smoke, “you do
that a lot.”
“Shut up.” I took out my
keys, slid one along the tape
and opened the box. “Oh.
My. God.”
“What the fuck?” the straight
roommate exclaimed,
leaning forward.
“Jesus Christ.” There were
two boxes inside of the
package: one, a vibrator, the
other a dildo. “These are not
mine.”
I turned to J, but I already
knew they weren’t his: He
had a very active sex life that,
for the past few months,
has involved me exclusively.
“Are you sure you didn’t
get them, like, for us to
play with?” he asked
innocently.
I opened the first box,
shaking the vibrator
in his face. “This has
an attachment for a
clitoris!” I exclaimed,
though I was guessing
that’s what the do-hickey
on the side was for.
We both turned to the
straight roommate, who just
shook his head.
“You sure you didn’t buy
this for a lady friend?” I
asked, pointing the vibrator
accusatorily.
“I don’t remember the last
time I had a lady friend.”
We texted the other two
roommates respectively,
examining the goods closer.
It came to mind that maybe
someone was playing a prank
on us, but it would have been
a pretty expensive prank: the
vibrator, in all its purple glory,
must have cost at least $100
for the quality (I looked at all
of its dangles and gadgets,
wondering exactly how it
worked inside of a human
vagina), and why buy a
second dildo? Could it have
been a mistake, perhaps
meant for apartment 32 or
34?
The straight roommate
claimed to have no idea what
was going on, and when the
other gay roommate got
home he stole the dildo,
stashing it away in its satin
drawstring bag.
As for me, my hot pink,
suction-to-the-wall-action
dildo is still stored under my
bed in a small plastic box.
Unfortunately for it, it’s been
gathering dust for some time
now.
Later, while writing in my
room, J came in without
knocking, crawling into bed
next to me. “It really wasn’t
you?” he asked, cuddling up
to my arm.
“No,” I said confidently…
In the morning, while he
slept, I checked my bank
statements—just to be sure.
PHOTO BY STEVE BRENNAN

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