How Love Found Me

Love
How
Found Me
A POETIC
AWAKENING TO
LOVE AND
SELF-DISCOVERY
V O L . 1
M S . S H O N T I C A W A L L A C E

contents
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i n t r o d u c t i o n
u n d e r s t a n d i n g
p r o c e s s
s e a r c h i n g
p r o c e s s
d i s c o v e r i n g
p r o c e s s
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H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
You Shall Live
P A G E 0 3
and
Not Die
A PERSONAL MESSAGE
FROM ME TO YOU
B Y M S . S H O N T I C A W A L L A C E
At this moment in your life I want you to
take time to live.
Live beyond your past life circumstances.
Live pass the person your circumstances
caused you to be.
Live pass the bad habits you picked up
along your journey.
Live pass the mistakes you have made.
Live pass the negative thoughts that
sometimes consume your mind.
Live pass you feeling like you're not
measuring up to the person you think you
should be.
Live pass the wall you’ve used to guard
your heart.
Live pass the blockage that prevents your
tears from flowing.
Live pass the fear that holds your tongue
hostage from speaking your true feelings.
Live pass the force that stops your heart
from loving freely.
Live pass the voices that tell you not to
trust.
Live pass the person that prevents you
from escaping the bondage of everything
that stops you from enjoying a life that
will truly set you free.
Live in the you that I chose to see, in
order to look beyond all that life tells you,
you have to be.
Because pass all that, I see a gentle giant.
A blooming flower.
A loving teddy bear.
A true example of God’s angel.
A generous and warm hearted creation of
a Prince and a Princess.
Because you are the son and daughter of
a true living King!
Know that I Love You...the person you
think others don't see!

I will learn to
love all of me
I w i l l l e a r n t o l o v e a l l o f m e .
S o I c a n u n l o c k t h e d o o r t o m y
u n i q u e a n d p u r p o s e f u l g i f t s .
I w i l l l e a r n t o l o v e a l l o f m e .
A n d t r u s t i n G o d w h i l e H e
d o e s t h e s i f t i n g .
I w i l l l e a r n t o l o v e o t h e r s .
S o t h e y c a n h a v e t h e
o p p o r t u n i t y t o d o t h e s a m e .
A n d I w i l l l e a r n t o s p r e a d l o v e
i n o r d e r t o h e l p m a k e t h e
w o r l d a b e t t e r p l a c e .
Lesson Learned
0 4

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
In This Corner
P A G E 0 5
Good evening ladies and gentlemen
and welcome to today's boxing
match of the season
A fight for total restoration and not a
battle for redemption
In this corner we have one that
fights with put downs, control and
influence over many
And the contender in this corner is
simply fighting to the finish
The contender was trained by the
best but somehow got lost along the
way
Her opponent weighed in on her
weaknesses and used it to win the
title in his class as a heavyweight
Today is a different day because the
contender has been training with a
new team
Her opponent may need to start
rethinking his master plan on how to
deal with defeat
Ding! Round 1 and she came out
swinging, dodging and dipping
He came back with a jab "Ha you'll
never amount to anything cause you
don't have it in you"
She went back to her corner only to
hear "Keep going don't give up this
fight"
You will be announced an
undefeated champion by the end of
tonight
Ding! Ding! Round 2 and this time she
landed a jab maybe even two
She hit him where it hurt by choosing
to lift her head high despite what she
was going through
This only made him mad it made him
come back with a vengeance
He landed one powerful uppercut "Look
at you, you're ugly what man would
want to be with you"
She couldn't wait to get back to her
team to hear what they had to say
Because she felt she was seriously
losing this round and fighting her
opponent back was a huge and stupid
mistake
Her team cleaned up her scars and wipe
the sweat off her face
To only make her get back out there and
square this demon right in his face
Ding! Ding! Ding! It was time for Round
3 to begin
And her opponent came blaring from his
corner screaming I'm about to finish you
in
When suddenly something came over
the contender as she lifted up her hands
It was a glare of sunlight beaming down
from her new corner man
He spoke "I have been with you through
each and every round
I never let go of your hand and I've
never let you down
It was my grace that covered you
through the bad, the ugly and the best
And without it all you wouldn't be the
Heavyweight Champion of the World
and wouldn't have passed my ultimate
test
So my love the next rounds are solely on
you
Just continue fighting a good fight by
remembering all the training I've
bestowed upon you

Opportunities don't
just happen by chance
O p p o r t u n i t i e s d o n ' t j u s t
h a p p e n b y c h a n c e .
O p p o r t u n i t i e s c o m e s f r o m
B E L I E V I N G i n y o u r v i s i o n s ,
g o a l s , a n d d r e a m s , h a v i n g
C O U R A G E t o c o m e o u t o f y o u r
c o m f o r t z o n e t o t a k e t h e f i r s t
s t e p , S A C R I F I C I N G y o u r l i f e
a l o n g t h e w a y , a n d h a v i n g
P A T I E N C E t o s e e i t t o t h e
e n d !
Not By Chance
0 6

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
I Walk in
P A G E 0 7
Boldness
Boldness was given to me at birth
when I was brave enough to let out
the cries of joy from being released
from my mother's womb
Boldness was in me the day I
decided to let go of the coffee
table and take my first steps across
the floor
Boldness was in me when I stepped
foot into my first day of
Kindergarten joining the world of
endless possibilities
Boldness was in me when I placed
my foot on the accelerator of my
first vehicle all alone not knowing if
I would make it back home to see
another day
Boldness was in me when the doctor
gave me specific instructions to
push both my babies into the world
not realizing the true responsibility
of motherhood
Boldness was in me when I
proclaimed better for my life and
ditched the mistakes and failures
from my past
Boldness was in me the day I
decided I would no longer be victim
to a slap, push, negative insult only
to say I belong to someone
Boldness was in me the moment I
cried out to God giving Him total
reign over my life for His perfect
purpose and plan for me
Boldness was in me as I overcame
the struggles and shortcomings that
had me bound from discovering my
full potential for greatness
Boldness was in me as I learned to
open my heart to those that deserve
to receive my unconditional love
Boldness was in me when I decided
to use my pain for my purpose in
order to change the lives of others
with my journey
Boldness will live inside of me as I
remain courageous and continue
walking through the doors God will
open for me

You were made in
My image and not the
image of man
You will never amount to anything!
Nobody will ever want you!
Do you think you can get better than me?
I'm only here because of the kids!
Ha! Ha! Ha! If only you knew that everything was simply a test
That my life was already planned out before I took my first breathe
Your words of insult and the stripes from the physical pain
All played a part of God's everlasting and eternal gain
Now I didn't understand it and I always asked myself why
Until one day I fell on my knees and began to sob and cry
It wasn't silent tears shed from the pain that I was in
But a calm river flowing because I finally gave God permission to
step right on in
From that day on my dialogue began to completely change
Words of encouragement and uplifting began to guide my pathway
You were made in My image and not the image of man
Those are the words I heard as God reached for my hand
Walk out this journey by faith and not by sight
As I guide you into your purpose and the master plan I have for your
life
I didn't know that He was carrying me every step of the way
Because I'm a daughter of a man that covers me in His mercy and
His grace
You Didn't Know
0 8

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
My First Love
P A G E 0 9
I will love myself because
I am an outstanding sculpture of DNA.
I will love myself because
there's no one else like me because God didn't make two
people the same.
I will love myself because
it's not up to others to decide to love me first.
I will love myself because
I've been blessed with the skin I'm in, it's an honor not a
curse.
I will love myself because
life is easier when you work with what you have.
I love myself because
pure love is what God demanded because pure love is all He
has.
I will love myself in order to reach my full potential and
discover my purpose in every way.
I will love myself because my weaknesses are camouflaged
as a journey, ready for God to lead the way.

You are God's
rendition of a Princess
Inmate More Than Enough you are now being released from the
hands of the enemy
Released into a world of endless and amazing possibilities
You are no longer bound by the shackles and hand cuffs that are
keeping you from greatness
No longer bowing your head when you walk and not because
you're praying to a God of deliverance
But dodging the eye contact of those that just might see you're a
daughter of a King
God's rendition of a princess
You are no longer bound by phone calls that you thought were
checking up on your well-being
But it was a GPS locator to track your every move to help ease
doubt and satisfy his insecurities
You are no longer bound by the scars, bruises, broken bones and
repeated beatings upon your head
The price was already paid by God's ultimate sacrifice to give up
His only begotten Son so that we may live instead
You are no longer bound by the dreadful voice that's saying you
will never compare or be more than enough
But being comforted by the sweet whispers that you abound in
all things and lack in nothing
You are no longer bound by the thought of not seeing the light at
the end of the dark tunnel
Choosing to endure, hang on in, stay or continue running
You are no longer bound by where does my story start and how
do I begin
Because my God your God has already paved a street of gold
Ready to help guide you into your purpose and plan all the way
to the end
No Longer Bound
1 0

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
One More Day
P A G E 1 1
(understanding process)
Every day is a step in walking out your
journey.
Some may be slow and make you feel like
you should
begin to worry
Courage, strength and determination
will continue to see you through
Remember that God is a God of
miracles, signs and wonders
And He wrote a plan constructed and
design just to fit you.

Keep pushing and
don't give up
There's no rush to the finish,
it doesn't matter if you come in first.
Just get started with your process by
putting in the work.
The race is not given to the swift nor to the
strong.
Because it's already been won by the man
who sits high on the throne.
Don't worry yourself with how many people
are up ahead
Just continue life's journey and keep your
eyes on God's perfect plan.
You're finally in the home stretch and it
seems this race has got you beat
Keep pushing and don't give up because
you're running a race to live in all eternity.
You Will Win
1 2

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
When I'm in need
P A G E 1 3
When you look at who I am from day to day
It may never cross your mind that sometimes I'm
walking in pain
Not the same pain from when I was being hurt and
harmed
But the type of pain one would experience when
you're in need of a shoulder to cry on
What's that you're saying it's not showing on my face
No not right now I have laundry to put away
Maybe I can schedule a meltdown around 2 or even 3
When the time gets near I hear "Ma my stomach is
bothering me"
I can drop a couple of tears while creating a design
and hitting the press
But soon my customers will begin calling saying I
want purple glitter and rhinestone the rest
I could call on my friends to express just how I feel
But one has a cut off time and the other is a jack of
all trades so of course you know the deal
I hold on to my tears because I don't want God to
think I'm ungrateful or I can't handle the challenge
He said the road wouldn't be easy and in Him I trust
so I've learned to manage
So now when I'm in need I just fall on my knees
And cry out God help me out because I know you are
the source provider of all of my needs

One of these ole days,
this will not be the
bedtime story thats's
told
I'm complicated like a jigsaw puzzle
One that's hard to figure out
Sometimes my mouth is extra fly and others
ignorance makes me lash out
I have taken on the identities of others to
camouflage my weaknesses and flaws
I endure the constant put downs and bashings
about how I'm never going to be anything at all
My neck hurts from the downward position my
eyes are stuck in
Because you constantly tell me how I would
never amount to nothing
To just quit trying and throw in the towel seems
like a better plan
Anything would be more rewarding than the life
I'm living in
I tug on my blanket, clutch my pillow and close
my eyes once more
Because I know that one of these ole days this
will not be the bedtime story that's told
My Bedtime Story
1 4

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
Would You Still
Love Me
P A G E 1 5
Would you still love me? If I
doubted the words you say are
real like you love me, you'll
never hurt me and you will
protect my heart from being hurt
again
Would you still love me? If I'm
not familiar with a couples
massage, five course meals,
lakeside fishing, oceanfront
rooms you know the finer things
in life that I'm not accustomed
to
Would you still love me? If I told
you I had to give up everything
I own to start my life over by
even turning a garage into my
home
Would you still love me if I
decided to admit my biggest
fear is allowing myself to be
vulnerable? Letting you know all
of my weaknesses, my downfalls
even the things I hold near and
dear
Would you still love me if I
want you to fall in love with
who I am and not the idea of
sleeping with me? Causing you
to see me past a physical
connection because I'm more
than a cute face, thin waist
and a body to please
Would you still love me if I ask
you to bear your all? To share
everything, you are. To be
raw and uncut so that I can
meet the real you and not an
imitation you, someone
completely made up
Would you still love me? I only
pray that you would. Because
I desire to finally have the
man of my dreams. My knight
and shining armor, the man
God has designed due to His
liking and pleasing.

Your destiny is patiently
waiting on you
God is trying to exposure a treasure hidden
deep inside of you
Hello! What are you waiting for? Stop
closing up the gate and please let Him
through
You say you've been hurt before and don't
want to experience the excruciating pain
Well He's the kind of man who sticks closer
than a brother or a sister
He's one you can call a true and faithful
friend
What do you have to lose, what harm can it
cause go ahead give it everything you've
got
Your destiny is patiently waiting on you but
you can't get there without giving it a
fighting shot
Then the Walls
Came Down
1 6

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
To You I Give
P A G E 1 7
To you I give my entire heart
The one you touched right from the very start
To you I give the best of me
My good, my bad and everything in between
To you I give the brightest smile as I wake from
day to day
Because your daily words of inspiration are a
guiding light that help illuminate my pathway
To you I give my most inner darkest secrets
Knowing you won't judge and hold them against
me
To you I give words to complete a simple prayer
One that will cover and intercede on your behalf
even when I can't physically be near
To you I give the burdens and trials of my life
Knowing you will listen, comfort and guide me to
help understand the why
To you I give something I've never given to
another man
Because you are able to touch a part of me that
can only be reached by God's anointed hands.

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
If I wasn't a Christian woman I would say my life
is something I hated.
But In God I trust so for Him I have waited.
To tell my amazing story, it’s something that has
to be heard. It's the one that you hear about
that seems so absurd.
I promise it's the raw truth from end to end. It's
a true story of trials and triumph when I was
buried in sin.
Now, I'm not sure how I found myself on this
dark and winding road.
"Get married first, then have children." that's
what I was told.
But I met this guy and it was love from the start.
He came in like a knight, swooped me up and
stole my heart.
Walking Down
This Road
1 8

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
My kind sweet knight, he didn't choose to stay. He
started being emotionally abusive and I knew that was
not the way.
P A G E 1 9
So here I was balancing relationship, life, family and
friends from day to day.
And just when I thought I was succeeding guy number
two started the physical pain.
Believe me when I tell you I was in grave danger there
was cause for alarm.
I was being abused, I was depressed and he was
causing me bodily harm.
I was talked about, belittled, and even misunderstood.
I was beat over the head, had several broken bones,
and my faith was no good.
The world back then, saw in me what you see today.
But when I looked in the mirror, beauty was not a word
that I could say.
All I saw was a reflection of a monster who wanted to
roll over and die. And kill myself to escape the torture
of the mental, verbal, and physical lies.
My life was spiraling downward, it was so out of
control. I went from being on top of the world, to a
woman with no goals.

My kids were quickly losing their mother, their
comforter and their ultimate power source. My
life was being stolen and it was being taken by
force.
I fell on my knees and cried out Lord I need
your help. Do a new work in me so this horrible
storm will end and I can begin to find myself.
You see I didn't have a long drawn out talk
with Him; it wasn't even a paragraph. I just
made a simple declaration that I surrender
everything I have in order to follow His path.
He stepped right in and gave me a plan of
action you could say. He began to help me
discover just who I am and why my journey was
laid out in such a way.
"Do as You please" is what I cried out from the
depth of my soul. Anything was better than the
mess I was enduring and I knew I couldn't take
it anymore.
Thank God He can handle any issue; I'm living
proof He can move mountains on your behalf.
God healed most of my bumps and bruises, my
broken middle finger is the only visible scar I
have.
2 0

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
Because God kept me when weeping endured for two
nights. He picked me up, dusted me off and turned all
my wrongs into rights.
P A G E 2 1
Now I'm at the part where joy comes in the morning
light. Realizing that destruction will always come with a
warning, a red flag or a sign that something isn't right.
The time has finally arrived for me to share my
complete truth, my entire storyline. Not because I say
so, but because God's vision awaits its appointed time.
I've finally let go and given God all of the glory. For my
hurt, my pain and definitely my spiritual journey.
Now I fully understand that my life is not my own. It's
for those who have lost the love, courage and strength
to open up and tell their true story because they feel so
all alone.
I didn't beat this thing called Domestic Violence all by
myself.
I leaned firmly on the Word of God and trusted the
Holy Spirit's voice when I needed help.
My story is nowhere near completed, there is more than
your eyes can see. The voice that was once silenced
now ministers loud through the works of ministry

Know that meeting you was fate.
Becoming your friend was my choice.
Allowing my heart to love
you was a right.
And falling in love with you
will be an honor
Good Day,
Nice to meet YOU
2 2

H O W L O V E F O U N D M E
I Am…
P A G E 2 3
Wait!! Now telling you who I am not will probably
help you understand who I really am.
So follow along with me as I unfold this master
plan
You see I am not the color of my skin
I am not the outfit my body is covered in
I am not the shoes on my feet or the pretty
earrings that you see
I am not my hips, my thighs or my petite boo you
know what I mean
I am not my flawless eyebrows, glossed lips and
eyelashes pink pack #42
I am not those things that people call me because
they don’t know what I’ve been through
I am not exactly what everyone thought I would
turn out to be
Because who I really am they were too afraid or
blind to see
I Am the bruises, scars and even the broken
bones
I Am the one who was left crying and feeling all
alone
I Am the disappointments, put downs and even
the regrets

I Am who I Am.
I Am the one who’s life was supposed to end
up an ugly mess
I Am the broken heart left hurt and confused
I Am the lost identity that any man could use
I Am the one that others fought hard to
breakdown
Called me out my name, told me I would be
nothing and even stopped coming around
I Am who I am, not because that’s who they
said I would be
I Am who I Am because that’s how God molded
me
My pain shaped my purpose and the
understanding of my life
The why I was put here so I could get this
thing called life right
My faithful divine purpose came straight from
the man above
And today I have a full understanding that……
I AM LOVE
I am....
2 4