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<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />
Better Understanding<br />
Around Coercive Control<br />
November 2017<br />
The East Anglia Edition<br />
OPERATION ENCOMPASS<br />
Revolutionary Safeguarding<br />
From A Husband and Wife Team<br />
WHEN THE COURTS GET IT WRONG<br />
EVERYONE CAN MAKE MISTAKES, BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF<br />
IT IS THE COURT THAT HAS GOT IT WRONG?<br />
Frontline Training To Break The Myths<br />
For: Police-GP's-Nurses,-Midwives,-Teachers,-Safeguarding<br />
Leads, Social-Workers.-Lawyers-Counsellors, Paramedics<br />
Looking at various responses to Coercive<br />
Control in Suffolk,Cambridgeshire, Norfolk
Contents<br />
Editor's Notes<br />
5 It's been an intersting month.<br />
Find out why.<br />
Operation Encompass<br />
6 A husband and wife team get<br />
serious about safeguarding.<br />
Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD<br />
9 Lisa explains how abusers<br />
brainwash using 'Perspecticide'.<br />
When Courts Get It Wrong<br />
14 Sophia Cooke on why she wrote her<br />
blog.<br />
High-FunctioningSurviving<br />
18 Nancy's story<br />
Jessica Eaton<br />
22 Jessica on why showing CSE films to<br />
children is unethical<br />
Emma Bond<br />
31 Associate Professor of UCS<br />
and Director of iSEED<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Contents<br />
Hollie GazzardTrust<br />
33 Nick Gazzard trains employers on<br />
abuse and on their obligations.<br />
Graham Goulden<br />
39 Interview with Director of<br />
Cultivating Minds UK<br />
40th Norwich Beer Festival<br />
46 The festival charity of the year<br />
is Leeway. Wey Hey!!<br />
Charity Focus<br />
47 We interview Mandy Procter,<br />
CEO of Leeway.<br />
Elder Abuse<br />
51 Rachel's story about elder abuse<br />
and dementia.<br />
When Courts Get It Wrong<br />
54 Kelly's Story<br />
Mobbing<br />
56 Trolling with an agenda.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Contents<br />
Mobbing<br />
56 Some screenshots of the<br />
interactions in mobbing.<br />
Gwen Owen<br />
68 We find out more about the civil<br />
and commercial mediator.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
70 Coming to East Anglia in 2018<br />
Abuse Talk<br />
71 Jennifer Gilmour gives us an<br />
update on the recent chat.<br />
Online Book Club<br />
72 A book club with a difference<br />
Gallery Highwaymans<br />
73 A look at a Suffolk getaway and<br />
conference centre.<br />
Elizabeth Hodder<br />
75 When there is no legal aid, look for<br />
no-nonsense straight talking<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Editor's Notes<br />
About The<br />
Editor<br />
Min Grob started<br />
Conference on Coercive<br />
Control in June 2015,<br />
following a relationship that<br />
was coercive and<br />
controlling.<br />
Since then, there have been<br />
three national conferences,<br />
various speaker<br />
engagements and a<br />
newsletter which has now<br />
developed into an online<br />
magazine.<br />
2018 will see the start of<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Groups<br />
starting in East Anglia<br />
before rolling out<br />
nationwide with the next<br />
Conference on Coercive<br />
Control planned for the 1st<br />
week in June at the<br />
University of<br />
Gloucestershire.<br />
Min is particularly<br />
interested in looking at<br />
perpetrator tactics and how<br />
they can be identified and<br />
has spoken on how to<br />
differentiate between<br />
strident discourse and<br />
deliberate baiting and<br />
goading using examples<br />
from social media to<br />
illustrate the various tactics<br />
aimed at provoking a<br />
response and how it is<br />
concealed. Min hopes to<br />
enable a better<br />
understanding of abuse that<br />
resides below the radar to<br />
be able to identify nearer<br />
inception.<br />
To get in touch:<br />
contact@<br />
coercivcecontrol.co.uk<br />
Let's Start The<br />
Conversation!<br />
Welcome to the 3rd (and biggest!) edition of<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />
(all almost 80 pages of it)<br />
Its been a busy month. Not least because the numbers of people getting in<br />
touch are rapidly rising and time seems to be passing by faster. I daren't<br />
blink in case I miss 6 months!<br />
The biggest topic of interest for readers seems to be the subject of so-called<br />
advocates ( SCAs) . I have had numerous disclosures ranging from bad<br />
practice and non-victim-centric thinking, to reports of harassment and<br />
intimidation and subverting information.<br />
Many of you will have noticed the late publication of <strong>CCChat</strong>. This was due<br />
to the need to seek legal clarification and advice from the ICO - The<br />
Information Commissioner's Office- on a vexatious complaint. This is explored<br />
more fully in the article on 'Mobbing'.<br />
I was pleased to be able to volunteer for Leeway at CAMRA's 40th Norwich<br />
Beer Festival. Leeway was appointed the Beer Festival's charity of the year<br />
money raised during the 6 day event was a whopping £7,070. Amongst<br />
other events I have attended, there was a presentation by DAHA to<br />
Cambridgeshire Domestic Violence Forum, and a discussion group on parental<br />
alienation at Westminster by the Family Law Panel.<br />
Whilst in Cambridge I met with PhD researcher Sophia Cooke who had<br />
recently left an abusive relationship to find the courts could not identify the<br />
abuse.<br />
Next month, is the Christmas edition where incidents of abuse will rise as a<br />
result of family tension and alcohol, among other factors. CChat will be<br />
looking at housing with an interview with Shelter CEO Polly Neate as well<br />
as looking at the easy way accusations of stalking, harasment and coercive<br />
control are made. We will be interviwing and talking about the research Dr<br />
Emma Bond. as well as delving into topics that are invisible in plain sight.<br />
Christmas may still be some time away but <strong>CCChat</strong> is more than just tinsel!!<br />
See you next month.<br />
Min<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
OPERATION<br />
ENCOMPASS<br />
HOW DID IT START?<br />
Operation Encompass is an<br />
initiative created by husband<br />
and wife team, headteacher<br />
Elisabeth Carney-Haworth and<br />
retired police sargeant , David<br />
Carney-Haworth .<br />
Operation Encompass was<br />
launched in Plymouth in 2011<br />
to address and identify<br />
shortcoming in how<br />
information was being shared<br />
with schools regarding<br />
children living with domestic<br />
abuse.<br />
The concept of Operation<br />
Encompass was both simple<br />
yet revolutionary: If a domestic<br />
incident occurred on the<br />
previous evening with a child<br />
was in the house, the police<br />
would contact the nominated<br />
Key Adult at the child's school<br />
prior to the start of the school<br />
day.<br />
Appropriate support would be<br />
in place for that child. This<br />
support could be overt or<br />
silent dependent upon the<br />
circumstances.<br />
It was such a simple concept<br />
but it had a huge impact.<br />
Having the knowledge that a<br />
child had experienced<br />
domestic abuse, allows the<br />
school to put support for the<br />
child in place.<br />
The Operation Encompass<br />
website contains support<br />
materials and anecdotal<br />
evidence of the success of<br />
Operation Encompass.<br />
O<br />
peration<br />
Encompass is a Police and<br />
Education early intervention safeguarding<br />
partnership that ensures that when the<br />
police have attended at a home where a<br />
child or young person is exposed to<br />
domestic abuse.<br />
A nominated Key Adult will be notified of an incident prior to<br />
the start of the next school day.<br />
So far Operation Encompass has been embraced in 21 police<br />
forces with the force wide rollout in Devon and Cornwall in<br />
December 2017.<br />
In May 2016, Dame Vera Baird QC, Northumbria Police Crime<br />
Commissioner reported on live television that her force had<br />
supported over 1500 children in a 6-month period.<br />
In Norfolk, police implemented Operation Encompass in<br />
January 2017 as a direct result of the recommendations of a<br />
Serious Case Review.<br />
Domestic abuse is identified as an ACE ( Adverse Childhood<br />
Experience) and for children an 86% predictor of having four or<br />
more ACE’s.<br />
Research shows that the more ACEs you have the greater the<br />
negative impact upon physical, emotional and mental health<br />
and the more likely to take part in risk taking behaviours which<br />
people into contact with the police.<br />
With 4+ ACEs you are:<br />
2x more likely to binge drink<br />
5x more likely to have had sex whilst under 16<br />
5x use of illicit drugs<br />
7 x more likely to have been involved in violence in last year<br />
7x addicted to alcohol<br />
11x more likely to have used crack/ heroin or been incarcerated<br />
12x more likely to have attempted suicide<br />
“ It’s so important that we give vulnerable young<br />
people across South Tyneside a voice and Operation<br />
Encompass is about doing just that, offering early<br />
intervention and support when children need it most.”<br />
Dame Vera Baird<br />
http://www.operationencompass.org<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
In the HMIC report ‘Increasingly<br />
everyone’s business, a progress report on<br />
Domestic Violence’: ‘It was described by<br />
partners in education as the best thing<br />
the police have given to education’<br />
In September 2017 the South West<br />
Director for HMI Ofsted, Bradley<br />
Simmons, said on a live BBC programme;<br />
“One of the things that we found is there<br />
isn’t really a focus on the needs of<br />
children who do witness such violence<br />
and they can arrive at school traumatised.<br />
They often present as quite difficult<br />
young people because of what's going on<br />
at home but actually Operation<br />
Encompass is doing exactly the right<br />
thing. There’s joint agency working so the<br />
school knows at once when a child has<br />
witnessed domestic abuse and is able to<br />
make provisions.’<br />
Photo: Elizabeth Carney-Haworth<br />
A review of Operation Encompass in<br />
Knowsley found that ‘Overwhelmingly,<br />
the majority of both the incidents and<br />
the children and young people<br />
involved were defined as Bronze or<br />
Silver cases.<br />
This is an interesting point given that<br />
prior to the implementation of<br />
Operation Encompass, schools would<br />
not have been made aware of these<br />
cases at all. Gold cases would have<br />
been reported to schools as part of the<br />
MARAC arrangements.’<br />
In December 2016 the College of<br />
Policing wrote: ‘The college is acutely<br />
aware of Operation Encompass and<br />
has circulated details widely as good<br />
practice as part of our response to the<br />
recommendations in HMIC reviews<br />
into force responses to Domestic<br />
Abuse’<br />
A case before Operation Encompass<br />
A Year Six child was predicted to achieve<br />
Level 4 in her Standard Assessment Tests<br />
(SATs) the average attainment for an 11yr<br />
old.<br />
The child only achieved Level 2 and 3<br />
(Level 2 equates to the attainment of an<br />
average 7yrs old and Level 3 equates to<br />
the attainment of an average 9yrs old).<br />
The school could see no reason why the<br />
child had performed so badly. In July of<br />
that year, some two months later the<br />
school received details that showed that<br />
the weekend prior the SATs there had<br />
been a domestic abuse incident in the<br />
child’s household.<br />
The school felt that this incident of<br />
domestic abuse had had a detrimental<br />
impact on the child’s emotional health<br />
and wellbeing and her therefore upon her<br />
ability to succeed in the SATs.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
A Case After Operation Encompass<br />
In a case where Operation Encompass was<br />
operating (Shown on live BBC television) a<br />
mother suffering domestic abuse stated that<br />
her 5 year old son had begun to imitate her<br />
partner’s violent behaviour, the child began<br />
spitting, swearing and hitting her.<br />
Once the child’s school became aware of the<br />
domestic abuse incidents through Operation<br />
Encompass immediate support was given<br />
and the child’s behaviour changed. This<br />
change was credited directly to Operation<br />
Encompass by the mother.<br />
What do we want from the<br />
government?<br />
That children and young people exposed to<br />
Domestic Abuse are recognised as victims in<br />
their own right.<br />
That the principles of Operation Encompass<br />
i.e. the timely sharing of information with<br />
schools prior to the start of the next school<br />
day when a child has been exposed to<br />
Domestic Abuse, becomes a statutory<br />
requirement for all police forces.<br />
That all police forces have a statutory<br />
requirement to record the numbers of<br />
children exposed to Domestic Abuse.<br />
That the police are given powers to protect<br />
the victims of Domestic Abuse as Domestic<br />
Abuse is currently not an offence in itself and<br />
any officer’s powers are limited to trying to<br />
find some other offence for example; assault,<br />
criminal damage or public order.<br />
That all schools undertake mandatory<br />
training to develop knowledge and<br />
understanding of the impact of Domestic<br />
Abuse of children and young people and how<br />
best to support these children.<br />
Photo:Sergeant David Carney-Haworth<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Lisa Aronson-Fontes,PhD<br />
is a psychology researcher at the<br />
University of Massachusetts<br />
Amherst and author of "Invisible<br />
Chains: Overcoming Coercive<br />
Control in Your Intimate<br />
Relationship,"<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Perspecticide<br />
“Manipulative people brainwash their partners using<br />
something called 'perspecticide' : Lisa Aronson-Fontes PhD<br />
What is Perspecticide?<br />
It occurs when an abusive<br />
partner has made somone believe<br />
things that aren't true.<br />
Eventually, they no longer know<br />
what is real.<br />
Living with an abusive and controlling<br />
partner can feel like living in a<br />
cult—except lonelier. Victims' own<br />
viewpoints, desires, and opinions may<br />
fade as they are overwhelmed by the<br />
abusers.<br />
Over time, they may lose a sense that<br />
they even have a right to their own<br />
perspectives. This is called<br />
perspecticide—the abuse-related<br />
incapacity to know what you know<br />
(Stark, 2007).<br />
Perspecticide is often part of a strategy<br />
of coercive control that may include<br />
manipulation, stalking, and physical<br />
abuse.<br />
Abusers make their partners<br />
narrow their worlds. Once<br />
isolated, it is easy to lose one's<br />
sense of self.<br />
Doug insisted that Val watch him play<br />
video games rather than doing what<br />
she wanted. He demanded that he be<br />
the centre of her attention at all times.<br />
Gradually she accepted this as an<br />
obligation.<br />
Corey’s husband only “allowed” her to<br />
socialize along with him, with other<br />
couples. He did not permit her to leave<br />
the house without him, even to shop<br />
for food.<br />
Whenever TeyShawn tried speaking on<br />
the phone or seeing friends or family,<br />
his boyfriend, Angelo, grew angry with<br />
him.<br />
After a while TeyShawn severely<br />
curtailed his social life; It just wasn’t<br />
worth the hassle.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Abusers insist on controlling minute<br />
aspects of their partners' lives.<br />
Over time, victims internalize the rules and<br />
forget what life was like when they were freer<br />
to make their own choices.<br />
Herman drew up an extensive chores chart<br />
and insisted that Marta keep a detailed log of<br />
her activities.<br />
Ken gave his partner, Steve, a list of<br />
expectations for his diet, workout routine,<br />
and grooming, and implied that their<br />
relationship would be over if he did not<br />
comply.<br />
Darnell expected Sara to dress modestly<br />
when outside the home but insisted that she<br />
dress sexily when they were alone together.<br />
He told her to stop speaking to the cat,<br />
reading magazines, or sleeping on her back.<br />
He chose her makeup, dictated her bedtime,<br />
and weighed her daily. He meticulously<br />
controlled the way their house was<br />
organized, down to how towels were folded<br />
and food stored on the shelves. To avoid<br />
explosive conflict, Sara followed Darnell's<br />
demands and began to see them as "normal."<br />
Abusers make their partners feel badly<br />
about themselves.<br />
Because they are isolated, people victimized<br />
by perspecticide begin to believe the negative<br />
descriptions of themselves and lose selfesteem.<br />
Imani’s husband told her repeatedly<br />
that she was a gloomy, depressed person by<br />
nature. He told her that she was selfish to ask<br />
for changes in their marriage since she would<br />
never be happy anyway. Over time, she<br />
stopped asking.<br />
Lori’s boyfriend told her she was oversexed<br />
and that he needed to keep an eye on her or<br />
she’d be out of control. He had sex with her<br />
at least once on most days, which was more<br />
than she wanted, but he told her it was what<br />
he needed to do to keep her “honest.” Over<br />
time, she stopped protesting the way he<br />
monitored and forced himself on her. She<br />
accepted the idea that the sex was “for her<br />
own good.”<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Abusive partners create the expectations. The<br />
abuser demands certain acts as proof of love<br />
and over time, the person being victimized<br />
gives in.<br />
Kelly’s husband insisted that they share a<br />
toothbrush and that they use the same water<br />
or wine glass at all meals.<br />
He couldn’t seem to tolerate her having<br />
anything that was hers alone. Kelly dreamed<br />
of being able to close the door when she<br />
showered but her husband wanted to be able<br />
to see her at all times.<br />
Clarice’s husband, Dre, did not have a job<br />
for the first decade of their marriage.<br />
Clarice worked long days and when she<br />
returned home he berated her for<br />
“choosing work over family.”<br />
In front of the children, he defined her as<br />
cold, unloving, and nonmaternal.<br />
Lily pushed her boyfriend to share all his<br />
social media and email passwords and when<br />
he refused, she secretly installed a keystroke<br />
logger so she could access them against his<br />
will. When he found out and confronted her,<br />
she replied, “Loving couples keep no secrets.”<br />
He gave up on the idea of Internet privacy.<br />
Karen told Carmen that she should never say<br />
“no” to her; pleasing her should be her<br />
Number One and only priority. Carmen tried<br />
hard to follow this rule, and grew ashamed<br />
when she had longings of her own.<br />
"In an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the<br />
dominating partner changes how the victim thinks,"<br />
Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD<br />
Clarice constantly felt obliged to prove<br />
that she was a good mother.<br />
The children joined their father in<br />
blaming Clarice for “not being around<br />
much,” as if she was making a deliberate<br />
choice to be out of the home for long<br />
stretches.<br />
In the evening, sometimes Dre would take<br />
away Clarice’s phone, saying, “Now you’re<br />
going to have to pay attention to us.”<br />
People subjected to perspecticide often blame<br />
themselves, as they feel despairing and<br />
disoriented.<br />
It can be hard for them to figure out exactly what’s<br />
wrong. Controlling partners serve as a filter for<br />
the outside world, gradually forcing their victims<br />
to lose the support of family, friends, and<br />
coworkers.<br />
Isolated and controlled in this way, victims lose<br />
self-esteem and have trouble remembering what<br />
they once thought, felt, and believed.<br />
For more on Lisa Aronson -Fontes, PhD,<br />
visit her website at www.lisafontes.com<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
WHEN THE<br />
COURTS GET IT<br />
WRONG<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
WHEN COURTS GET IT WRONG<br />
Sophia's story<br />
I<br />
was<br />
referred to Sophia Cooke, by a professional in the domestic<br />
abuse sector, a few weeks ago. I had been told that a young woman<br />
had recently come out of a very emotionally abusive relationship<br />
and he had sold his story to the papers. I was asked if I could<br />
support.<br />
'it is beyond unspeakably evil,<br />
what it actually is'.<br />
I took some time getting to know Sophia, getting to hear her story. It was clearly apparent<br />
that she had been through an extremely distressing time and I was sadly all too aware of<br />
how her version of events would not come across as credible as his. He had made her<br />
believe she was to blame. How can you explain something, when you are still trying to<br />
make sense of it yourself? This is something I come across q frequently. A victim is<br />
disorientated, confused, perplexed as they come to terms with the reality of their<br />
relationship. Many do not see themselves as the victim, so conditioned are they to believe<br />
they are the perpetrator and they have to relive the whole relationship , looking at it<br />
through different eyes.When we met, I listened to an audio recording of the couple.Sophia<br />
had recorded it, to evidence the abuse. It made my blood run cold, with the insidious way<br />
he manipulated her , blaming all of his abuse on her.<br />
I asked if I could use the recording as a training resource as I felt it was an extremely<br />
powerful aid looking at the insidiousness of emotional and psychological abuse. But there<br />
were silent gaps, bits of the conversation which I felt would detract from the learning<br />
opportunity and mention of his name. I asked Sophia if she could edit the recording. What<br />
then followed was a change of heart. Emboldened by my response and that of others in the<br />
abuse sector, combined with a desire to create better awareness and help others to not end<br />
up in the situation Sophia had recently been in, led to the recording being released on<br />
Twitter. This was shortly accompanied the release of Sophia's blog - a cathartic outlet for<br />
her -to give the recording context.<br />
Unsurprisingly, he was quick to contact the papers who quoted him as saying: 'it is beyond<br />
unspeakably evil, what it actually is' Sophia was understandably nervous of the reaction to<br />
her blog, so, over the weekend, I interviewed her about why she had felt compelled to<br />
release it.<br />
The interview follows this article but, before you read it, it makes sense to listen to the<br />
recording first, which is Post 7 on the blog.<br />
Sophia's blog can be found at: https://victimscanbestrong.com<br />
Please cut and paste the link into your browser.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
The Interview<br />
Sophia Cooke<br />
survivor<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
What made you write the blog?<br />
I began writing about the relationship on the<br />
advice of a counsellor I started seeing after<br />
my former partner was arrested. Up until<br />
this point I had been struggling to<br />
understand everything that had happened<br />
and blaming myself for things going wrong.<br />
However, as I wrote, things began to make<br />
more sense. I began to see the patterns in<br />
both his and my behaviour and come to<br />
terms with the idea that I had not been to<br />
blame for his violence.<br />
The more I wrote, the more I understood. As<br />
a result, I started to feel my sense of who I<br />
was return, the cloud of confusion lift, and<br />
little by little I was able to recognise that I<br />
had not deserved any of it. I then launched<br />
my blog.<br />
I wanted to put the topic of domestic abuse<br />
more prominently on the map and to educate<br />
people on how it developed and what the<br />
warning signs were.<br />
If I had been able to recognise what my<br />
former partner was doing early on, perhaps<br />
none of this would have happened to me.<br />
After the trial and subsequent media<br />
coverage, I felt an even greater need to speak<br />
out. After taking some time to build my<br />
strength back up again, I finalised the writing<br />
I had already done and launched my blog.<br />
I decided to release the voice recording along<br />
with it because it so clearly demonstrates the<br />
emotional abuse I am trying to raise<br />
awareness of. I also played it to a few people<br />
in the domestic abuse sector who thought it<br />
would be an important educational tool.<br />
“The more I wrote, the more I understood.”<br />
I decided to release the voice recording along<br />
with it because it so clearly demonstrates the<br />
emotional abuse I am trying to raise<br />
awareness of. I also played it to a few people<br />
in the domestic abuse sector who thought it<br />
would be an important educational tool.<br />
Why did you decide to release the blog<br />
and the voice recording?<br />
As what had happened to me became more<br />
widely known, a large number of people<br />
started to confide in me that they had also<br />
gone through abusive relationships. I<br />
discovered it to be far more common than I<br />
had thought, yet it seemed to be hardly<br />
talked about in the public sphere.<br />
It really struck me how limited the<br />
understanding of domestic abuse of most<br />
people who had not been through it was. I<br />
therefore decided that I wanted to speak out<br />
about my experiences once the court case<br />
was over.<br />
What has the reaction been to the<br />
blog and the recording?<br />
The reaction has been overwhelmingly<br />
positive. I have had a huge number of<br />
messages from others who have suffered<br />
domestic abuse to say that reading my<br />
blog has really helped them. They have<br />
said it has enabled them to understand<br />
better what they went through and to let<br />
go of any feelings of self-blame.<br />
A few have even told me that reading the<br />
blog has given them the strength to cut<br />
their abusive ex-partners completely from<br />
their lives which is fantastic.<br />
In addition I have had enormous support<br />
from many who have not suffered abuse,<br />
but feel they now understand much more<br />
about it.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Responses to the recording have been<br />
mainly of shock and several people have<br />
said it reduced them to tears.<br />
A number of domestic abuse experts have<br />
said that the emotional manipulation<br />
shown by my former partner, is<br />
absolutely textbook and, sadly, a large<br />
number of other victims have commented<br />
on how much it reminds them of the way<br />
they have been treated previously.<br />
I do feel embarrassed knowing that so<br />
many people are listening to it as I was<br />
clearly at my lowest ebb at the time, but I<br />
am very glad it is helping to educate<br />
others.<br />
And what next?<br />
Having finally been able to speak about<br />
what I have been going through in the last<br />
two years,<br />
I feel better able to move forward with my<br />
life and my PhD.<br />
I am still working to get the PTSD<br />
symptoms under control but I am doing<br />
much better than I was.<br />
I am in a happy, healthy relationship now<br />
which has been further helping me to<br />
rebuild my confidence.<br />
I still feel strongly about continuing to<br />
raise awareness of domestic abuse and I<br />
have already been asked to give speak at<br />
several events.<br />
Sophia's blog can be found at:<br />
https://victimscanbestrong.com<br />
Please cut and paste the link into<br />
your browser. ks at different<br />
institutions.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
I am a Survivor<br />
I am also High Funtioning<br />
Nancy's story<br />
I<br />
t’s<br />
challenging being a highly functioning survivor. Over decades<br />
we’ve had to self learn our own coping strategies in order to<br />
function in public, within family dynamics, with our children and<br />
most importantly the workplace, for fear of arousing judgement<br />
and discrimination.<br />
“ DVA survivor professionals have also honed their own individual<br />
detachment techniques, specifically in learning not to be triggered<br />
and most importantly in not trigger others”<br />
Highly functioning survivors and DVA survivor professionals have also honed their own individual<br />
detachment techniques, specifically in learning not to be triggered and most importantly in not<br />
trigger others<br />
The skills in maintaining a mask in order to function highly, is paramount to a professional<br />
survivor’s job or career, because sometimes it’s the job or career that’s needed in order to thrive.<br />
Some of us manage to balance the status of single working mother/survivor successfully, until our<br />
children leave home.<br />
Some of us who have experienced childhood and repeat domestic sexual violence and abuse may<br />
struggle with a myriad of mental health issues, tried and tested and failed coping mechanisms and<br />
the ramifications of having to fight a misdiagnosis, whilst repeatedly disclosing their issues together<br />
with their experiences to too many agencies, and not always with positive outcomes.<br />
Some survivors also struggle with the lack of post DSVA specialist family support and individualised<br />
therapeutic services, due to lack of Government cuts and sustainable funding. So, life after domestic<br />
abuse should be good for at least the highly functioning survivor, yes?<br />
Well no. You see, as a survivor who has had a career in domestic abuse from bottom to top approach,<br />
I had taken time out of work after repeat domestic abuse, sexual violence, stalking and harassment<br />
experiences. After the first occasion, I needed to take two years out of my life and my career to heal.<br />
t was at this point - some decades earlier - that I became acutely aware of the discrimination<br />
experienced by survivors of VAW, with the media taking the helm in victim blaming and the<br />
normalisation of abuse of women at home, socially or in the workplace. Now, over two decades later,<br />
I’m seeing a return to work after nine years.<br />
Being in this situation for any survivor of low-to-no financial means, - after moving from Refuge to<br />
several self-funded moves and a change in vehicle, etc - means an existence on welfare and the<br />
growing realisation of the fact that as a survivor, like those before me, we are faced with necessary<br />
and constant battles with Statutory, Health and Welfare Services and as post DSVA survivors, we<br />
face these systems alone.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Over the decades, the economic loss to<br />
myself, whilst raising my family has been<br />
crippling. Yet my ex husband, the father of<br />
my child contributed just fifteen pounds in<br />
eighteen years of his son’s life, due to failures<br />
in the Child Support Agency in the handling<br />
of my case. Essentially, this is the reality and<br />
cost of decades of repeat Police failures in<br />
bringing the perpetrators to justice.<br />
However, having adopted a mask of<br />
resilience, I knew that when I was ready I<br />
would offer my expertise, once again, in a<br />
voluntary capacity. After all, I had financially<br />
just about kept up-to speed by self funding<br />
my Continued Professional Development,<br />
attending poignant seminars, conferences<br />
and launches.<br />
I was focused on obtaining a masters in the<br />
dynamics of domestic violence and abuse.<br />
During my time out I had maintained a<br />
hands-on approach by actively engaging in<br />
awareness raising on Domestic Abuse and<br />
Stalking on Social Media, providing<br />
signposting for victims and survivors, and<br />
updating professionals and activists on key<br />
training needs and national campaigns from<br />
key national players.<br />
I also offer pro bono case work in the<br />
community for senior vulnerable adults,<br />
some with learning difficulties and<br />
disabilities, which have all led to positive<br />
outcomes for a variety of welfare, housing<br />
and health issues.<br />
I felt that my previous experiences in the<br />
domestic abuse sector would be of credit,<br />
especially since the countywide project I had<br />
set-up had gained Statutory, Home Office<br />
and European funding.<br />
“I felt that my previous experiences in the domestic abuse<br />
sector would be of credit,<br />
”<br />
It was at this point - some decades earlier - that I<br />
became acutely aware of the discrimination<br />
experienced by survivors of VAW, with the media<br />
taking the helm in victim blaming and the<br />
normalisation of abuse of women at home,<br />
socially or in the workplace.<br />
Now, over two decades later, I’m seeing a return<br />
to work after nine years. Being in this situation for<br />
any survivor of low-to-no financial means, - after<br />
moving from Refuge to several self-funded moves<br />
and a change in vehicle, etc - means an existence<br />
on welfare and the growing realisation of the fact<br />
that as a survivor, like those before me, we are<br />
faced with necessary and constant battles with<br />
Statutory, Health and Welfare Services and as<br />
post DSVA survivors, we face these systems alone.<br />
This meant going without luxuries such as winter<br />
heating and the pre requisite three meals a day.<br />
But such was my determination and passion in<br />
regaining my career within the DV Sector, I felt it<br />
was a small sacrifice to make. However, due to the<br />
bedroom tax, after two years, I could no longer<br />
afford to continue.<br />
Further, that the success of my work was<br />
undertaken with the mental health issues that I<br />
currently have.<br />
Ironically, in a work environment, it is my mental<br />
health that I have to attribute to my drive and<br />
resilience and the success of that project. I needed<br />
to get back to work in the DSVA Sector - it literally<br />
compounds issues for me in not doing so. So when<br />
the time came I felt quietly confident, but<br />
apprehensive. I applied for a voluntary frontline<br />
worker position for a sexual assault centre. I was<br />
advised to dumb down the application and apply.<br />
I was delighted to receive by return an<br />
opportunity to attend an open day event, so that<br />
the organisation could discuss their role and that<br />
of the position, enabling candidates to make an<br />
informed decision as to whether the job was<br />
suitable for them.<br />
Delighted by the service and the job spec, I<br />
returned their application form and received an<br />
interview immediately. To my surprise the<br />
interviewed was conducted solely by the Volunteer<br />
Co-ordinator.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
In disbelief and feeling insult to injury,<br />
I pulled random skills out of my bag<br />
and asked if I could be taken on as a<br />
volunteer to undertake administration<br />
or to assist with office admin, bid<br />
writing and fund raising.<br />
The response came back the same. I<br />
asked if she would like to see my CV,<br />
but curtly she stated ‘it would<br />
discriminate against the other<br />
candidates’.<br />
But, I felt that I was the one who was<br />
just discriminated against and judged<br />
without any meaningful discussion on<br />
the ‘spectrum’ of my issue.<br />
I found the VC to be professionally<br />
detached in her approach and remarkably<br />
the questions too limiting given the<br />
responsibility of the role. I felt I had<br />
answered the questions well, without over<br />
emphasising my personal or professional<br />
experiences.<br />
I felt happier than I had felt in decades,<br />
until she said, ‘I understand from one of<br />
your tweets on Social Media, that you<br />
suffer from ‘Post Traumatic Stress<br />
Disorder’.<br />
I knew that this was not true and that she<br />
had googled my name and had come<br />
across two articles dating back to 2014, in<br />
which I appeared discussing domestic<br />
abuse and the various Government cuts<br />
having a direct impact on survivors lives<br />
and that of their children, their health<br />
and wellbeing.<br />
She then told me that I wouldn’t be able<br />
to work for the organisation for at least a<br />
year. I asked her if we could discuss my<br />
mental health as she had raised the issue,<br />
but I was met by her reiterating and<br />
hiding behind a rigid and inflexible<br />
organisational policy.<br />
I felt that she was not in a position to<br />
have made that decision alone,<br />
especially since she had not displayed<br />
an understanding of mental health let<br />
alone PTSD and therefore I felt she<br />
alone was not qualified to have made<br />
that decision.<br />
If she had asked, I would have<br />
explained that PTSD like any other<br />
MH issues is on a spectrum, and that I<br />
have situational PTSD, which is exactly<br />
that - situational - and as I had already<br />
moved for the second time, my MH<br />
should not be an issue.<br />
I would have told her that ‘yes, I’m a<br />
highly functioning survivor and DV<br />
professional. I do not trigger, I do not<br />
trigger others and therefore, my being<br />
in post is not a safeguarding issue.<br />
I screamed inwardly and silently to<br />
myself ‘do you really think my<br />
professional integrity - the only thing I<br />
have left - would allow me to apply for<br />
a position, that I knowingly was not<br />
ready for, to put others lives in danger?<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Utterly floored, I fell silent. I thanked her<br />
for her time and left.<br />
This is my reality and I’m sure it’s a<br />
similar situation for most survivors<br />
returning to the workplace after long<br />
term unemployment, and worse still for<br />
vulnerable women leaving prison system.<br />
It’s a constant struggle maintaining<br />
resilience against constant<br />
discrimination, victim blaming,<br />
revictimising and re traumatising attitude<br />
When it’s the very professionals and<br />
organisations that are there to empower<br />
women that we repeatedly experience this<br />
from?<br />
If the Government doesn’t address the<br />
need for sustainable funding for<br />
specialist victim and survivor Mental<br />
Health services training, the cycle of<br />
victim blaming, re victimising and re<br />
traumatising will continue,<br />
compounding the survivors ability to<br />
emotionally, physically, and financially<br />
thrive.<br />
Government cuts to VAW Services is<br />
clearly unsound economic practice, for<br />
survivors and the UK economy.<br />
“ I’m a highly functioning survivor and DV professional. I<br />
do not trigger, I do not trigger others and therefore, my<br />
being in post is not a safeguarding issue.”<br />
Without sustainable funding how can<br />
we dispel the systemic fear around<br />
mental health?<br />
How can we address the training needs<br />
of all Domestic Sexual Violence and<br />
Abuse workers on the spectrums of<br />
Mental Health and trauma to an<br />
accredited level?<br />
How can we address the training needs<br />
of Health and Welfare professionals in<br />
the dynamics of domestic violence and<br />
abuse, the impact and trauma to an<br />
accredited level?<br />
Discrimination against mental health is<br />
covered in the disabilities act, yet as<br />
recenty as this September, research in<br />
Independent, highlighted that disabled<br />
people have to apply for 60% more jobs<br />
than non-disabled people before finding<br />
one.<br />
There is a serious need for the UK to<br />
adopt the Council of Europe’s Disability<br />
Strategy on Human Rights which<br />
addresses discrimination.<br />
A reality for all, which aims to achieve<br />
equality, dignity and equal opportunities<br />
for people with mental health, disabilities<br />
and difficulties.<br />
Link: http://www.independent.co.uk/<br />
news/uk/home-news/disabled-people-j<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
THE INTERVIEW<br />
JESSICA EATON<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Jessica Eaton<br />
CSE FILMS ARE NOT OK<br />
FOR CHILDREN<br />
I<br />
am<br />
interviewing Jessica Eaton, a doctoral researcher,<br />
writer and national speaker on sexual violence and victim<br />
blaming who has been campaigning against the use of<br />
CSE films for children. Jessica is also the founder of the<br />
Eaton Foundation, a registered charity specialising in<br />
holistic, longitudinal support for men.<br />
Many of us aren't familiar with the resources being used to address<br />
Child Sexual Exploitation. You have been very vocal on the harms some<br />
of these can cause. Could you explain some more?<br />
From what I understand, employees of MESMAC are not huge fans of my blog and<br />
my opinions about the way the field of CSE has employed techniques and<br />
approaches with no evidence base and this was used as an excuse for cyberstalking<br />
for a period of over 8 weeks.<br />
I don’t know any of them and they don’t know me. I do not follow the work of<br />
MESMAC, Blast or Basis but it became apparent that one employee of MESMAC<br />
was using four accounts to stalk me, watch my posts and to comment on things I did<br />
and said in real-time. Generally, the posts were trying to discredit my work and my<br />
writing – especially where I was arguing against the use of CSE resources with<br />
children who have been abused and exploited.<br />
My core argument had nothing to do with those organisations – I was arguing that<br />
films containing sexual violence against children, drugs, abuse and grooming should<br />
not be shown to victims of abuse because they will retraumatise them. Pretty basic<br />
really.The blogs were read thousands of times and I received hundreds of emails<br />
and phone calls from professionals who felt the same way. However, the employee<br />
of MESMAC had already at this point used lines from my blog and my own social<br />
media to attempt to discredit me and argue that I didn’t know what I was talking<br />
about.<br />
The issue here is that everyone is free to disagree with me and to provide evidence<br />
to the contrary but no one should use that disagreement to target a professional<br />
online. After three weeks of the behaviour, I blocked him on all four accounts over<br />
two platforms – two of those accounts were owned and should have been managed<br />
properly by MESMAC but they failed to do so, leaving him able to use them to stalk<br />
me and put up passive aggressive comments about my work for 8 weeks before<br />
anyone noticed. Two of the accounts were his professional accounts. Two were on<br />
Facebook and two were on Twitter.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
He simultaneously used all of them to<br />
post about my work and my thoughts –<br />
and to watch everything I was saying<br />
in real time.<br />
After 8 weeks, I submitted a cease and<br />
desist letter which was responded to<br />
with arrogance and a complete denial<br />
of any wrong doing. The reply even<br />
argued that they would not be looking<br />
into it because I had no evidence.<br />
However, I had 22 pages of evidence<br />
and had logged over 280 posts in 8<br />
weeks from the four accounts so I<br />
decided to log a formal complaint<br />
against the employee.<br />
I submitted the 22 pages of evidence<br />
and eventually got a phone call from<br />
the person ‘investigating’ the employee<br />
to say that the employee had admitted<br />
watching me and posting about me,<br />
that he was angry about what was<br />
being talked about (CSE films being<br />
unethical).<br />
He also told his employer that other<br />
employees and professionals were<br />
involve and he didn’t act alone.<br />
Once I had blocked his accounts, he<br />
enlisted others to help him. He also<br />
told his employer that he used my<br />
twitter feed on my website to watch me<br />
after he realised he was blocked.<br />
“I had 22 pages of evidence and had logged<br />
over 280 posts in 8 weeks.”<br />
The complaint was eventually accepted<br />
but only after a number of difficult<br />
conversations with MESMAC staff.<br />
The CEO refusing to investigate<br />
himself because he was compromised<br />
in the first email which said I had no<br />
evidence and copied him in.<br />
I was repeatedly told that I couldn’t<br />
prove the employee was watching me,<br />
even before they had seen the<br />
evidence.<br />
During this process, I was sent the<br />
workers conduct policy which<br />
contained the clauses allowing sex,<br />
personal relationships and exchange of<br />
personal details with clients.<br />
I sent it to a group of experts in the<br />
field and asked for their advice.<br />
I sent it to the LSCB and reported the<br />
policy as unethical – especially in the<br />
light of their behaviour I was<br />
experiencing from the employees.<br />
It was clear to me that the organisation<br />
were preparing to protect the<br />
employee right from the beginning.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Why do you think they have reacted<br />
in the way they have?<br />
Well they were already not a big fan of me<br />
so this won’t have helped much. However,<br />
I have been surprised by the shifting of<br />
blame to the whistleblower.<br />
It strikes me as quite telling that a charity<br />
that has not only got a policy of having<br />
sex with clients, but also with a culture<br />
that allowed employees to monitor and<br />
berate an academic online would also<br />
then berate someone who whistle blew on<br />
the organisation and instead makes<br />
comments that this is malicious or mud<br />
slinging.<br />
Why should I keep quiet about this?<br />
What damages our sector is dangerous<br />
and unethical policies like this – not<br />
the people who speak out.<br />
This field is so contradictory.<br />
It wants people to speak up and speak<br />
out about bad practice and cover ups<br />
but when they do they are vilified.<br />
And then people sit back and ask why<br />
professionals don’t report bad<br />
practice?<br />
I didn’t write the policy.<br />
“ What damages our sector is dangerous and unethical<br />
policies like this – not the people who speak out. ”<br />
Safeguarding is apparently at the heart of<br />
what they do in their jobs, except for<br />
when one of their own is on the wrong<br />
side of it and then, of course, it is<br />
someone else's fault.<br />
I have noticed on Twitter that there<br />
are some claiming that this<br />
amounts to airing of dirty laundry<br />
and damages the charity sector.<br />
How would you respond to that?<br />
This is really the most disappointing<br />
response out of all of them. This is how<br />
victims and whistleblowers in the field of<br />
child abuse get silenced again and again.<br />
Why should the professional reputation<br />
of the charity come above the safety of the<br />
clients?<br />
It’s a good job I value the rights and<br />
wellbeing of clients above my own<br />
professional reputation otherwise this<br />
never would have been discussed.<br />
In your opinion, how should they<br />
have reacted?<br />
They should have agreed that the<br />
policy is unethical.<br />
There is no other opposing POV unless<br />
they want to out themselves as<br />
professionals who want sex with<br />
clients .<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
'You showed me a CSE film<br />
when I was 13 years old…<br />
this is how it affected me’<br />
M<br />
y<br />
name is Kate, and I recently turned 22 years old.<br />
When I was 13 years old I was shown CSE videos like<br />
the ones detailed in Jessica Eaton’s letter, and I<br />
would like you to know how that did and still does<br />
affect me.<br />
Up until 12 years old I was a very happy child. Then one evening I was walking<br />
home down a quiet side alley when some older boys I recognised stopped me and<br />
offered me money in exchange for sex. They started grabbing at me, and I only<br />
remember flashes of what happened next. After that I would often ‘zone out’ and<br />
lose chunks of time, which is when my school began to notice something wasn’t<br />
right.<br />
It took a lot for me to talk to them but ultimately, nothing happened. Shortly after, I<br />
started getting harassed by other boys at my school. They would follow me, wait<br />
outside my house, throw things at me and touch me in ways I knew they shouldn’t.<br />
At first I reported them to my school, and in some cases they were dealt with, but<br />
over time I stopped. One teacher had called me annoying, and another had asked<br />
out right if I had been raped by ‘a man’, as I was over reacting for it to be anything<br />
else. I felt like I had become ‘a problem’.<br />
I always thought it was a coincidence that I was shown the CSE resources, but<br />
having read about the same thing happening to so many other children I now think<br />
perhaps it wasn’t. Can I tell you what it feels like to sit in a class full of children and<br />
be shown videos depicting the most traumatic experience of your life? It feels like<br />
your heart is going to thump out of your chest and that you will tremble until you<br />
cease to exist.<br />
It feels like the world could collapse in on you and that you could explode all at the<br />
same time. You’re panicking, and you want to scream and cry but you can’t because<br />
then everyone would know what you are. What happened to you. Afterwards you<br />
made me stand up and read a poem to the class about how I could stop it happening<br />
to me, when I knew it already had.<br />
At 13 years old I stood up and recited from your videos how I could have stopped my<br />
own assaults, if only I had thought. Or not walked alone. Or not been so god damn<br />
inviting with my female body. I was so sure everyone in that room would see the<br />
guilt written on my skin. I felt utterly humiliated.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Everyone in the class read their poems, and it<br />
felt like a chorus amplifying my wrongness.<br />
It was a competition. I didn’t win.<br />
Your videos taught me that the thoughts<br />
inside my head were true. That somehow I’d<br />
invited it because of the way I looked or acted<br />
or was.<br />
That the people around me, my friends, my<br />
family and my mum, would be disgusted by<br />
and disappointed in me. That they’d whisper<br />
and point and think about all the ways I<br />
could have prevented it.<br />
If only I had known. If only I had told<br />
someone sooner. All I had to do was realise<br />
what was happening and tell someone.<br />
Sometimes I would lie powerless on my<br />
bed, overwhelmed by the gnawing feeling<br />
that I was worthless because I let it<br />
happen to me.<br />
Sometimes I still do.<br />
Every time I wanted to tell someone<br />
memories of those videos convinced me<br />
otherwise.<br />
It took me 9 years to tell someone after<br />
you. Please stop showing children those<br />
videos.<br />
They hurt more than you can know, and<br />
they stop us asking for the help that we so<br />
desperately need.<br />
“Your videos taught me that the thoughts inside my head were<br />
true. That somehow I’d invited it because of the way I looked or<br />
acted or was. ”<br />
But you see I had realised, and I had told<br />
someone. And those videos were what I got. I<br />
went into that class feeling dirty and<br />
ashamed and left convinced I was right to.<br />
Those videos didn’t make me aware that<br />
what happened to me was wrong. I already<br />
knew that.<br />
Those videos didn’t make the harassment<br />
and assaults stop. If anything, they helped<br />
them continue. So you see, there is no logic<br />
in your CSE videos. And I guess I’ll never<br />
know why you showed me those films.<br />
Maybe you didn’t know what else to do.<br />
Maybe you thought I would find a way to<br />
make sure it didn’t happen again.<br />
If you wanted to shut me up, it worked.<br />
Instead of talking I scratched at my skin,<br />
trying to stop the aching, bursting feeling<br />
inside my chest.<br />
It was your job to make it stop, that<br />
responsibility never should have sat with<br />
me. I needed you to tell me that it wasn’t<br />
my fault, to give me the space to be angry<br />
and in pain but still be safe and protected.<br />
Please stop using those CSE videos.<br />
You’re better than that.<br />
I know you are.<br />
Kate – 12/11/2017<br />
Please share this letter, use it in<br />
training, read it out at conferences,<br />
read it to other professionals, use it<br />
in university modules. We ARE<br />
getting this wrong. We ARE doing<br />
harm. We ARE using untested,<br />
unethical resources with children.<br />
We ARE teaching children to blame<br />
themselves and change their<br />
behaviours after abuse. This has to<br />
end, NOW.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Tips on how to make an<br />
ethical CSE resource<br />
Jessica Eaton<br />
#nomorecsefilms<br />
I have had hundreds of emails from<br />
people who are willing to work<br />
together to support this campaign. The<br />
emails come from regulatory bodies,<br />
government, directors, researchers,<br />
psychologists of all disciplines, trainee<br />
psychologists, lawyers,<br />
psychotherapists and even<br />
professional parents.<br />
One email caught my eye. A<br />
professional contacted me to say that<br />
their organisation makes CSE<br />
resources and had read my letter and<br />
blogs.<br />
She wrote to me for advice about what<br />
they could do to make ethical and<br />
effective CSE resources for children. I<br />
wrote back – and thought that I should<br />
probably share these tips with<br />
everyone.<br />
As it stands, I do not currently support<br />
the use of ANY CSE films in current<br />
circulation. This is because not one single<br />
organisation has put their film and<br />
resource through empirical testing,<br />
psychological oversight, ethical review –<br />
and none can prove that their film works<br />
as an intervention, prevention or support<br />
mechanism.<br />
In fact, when I have challenged those<br />
organisations, I have been told I am being<br />
‘too academic’ and ‘evidence is not<br />
needed’ before using these films with<br />
children. So, this email from the<br />
professional who makes these films was a<br />
brilliant step forward, and I am happy to<br />
share my advice to her:<br />
Do not show sexually violent, graphic or<br />
violent materials to children – ever.<br />
Do not ask children what they could<br />
have done differently (where the answers<br />
are a modification of the child’s behaviour<br />
or actions that would have ‘led’ to not<br />
being abused, which has no evidence base<br />
and is a form of victim blaming)<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Do not show any CSE films to children<br />
who have been abused or traumatised –<br />
or are currently ‘at risk’ or being groomed<br />
for CSE/A .<br />
Any teaching or resources should be<br />
focussed on the actions, decisions or<br />
issues of the sex offender – not the child.<br />
Teach children that people who harm<br />
them do so because they want to, not<br />
because there is anything wrong with<br />
them.<br />
Steer clear of depicting ‘vulnerable’<br />
children – many resources show a child<br />
who is having some sort of ‘problem’<br />
which makes them ‘vulnerable’ to a sex<br />
offender.<br />
Not only this, but we are teaching<br />
children and professionals that the<br />
‘harm’ of abuse comes at the ‘end’ of a<br />
linear grooming process, instead of<br />
teaching them that the entire process<br />
is harmful and manipulative.<br />
Don’t show just one type of sex<br />
offender using one type of method –<br />
think outside of the box. Maybe the<br />
perp could be a woman who is<br />
recruiting girls to a fake modelling<br />
agency?<br />
Maybe she’s super glam and is sexually<br />
attracted to girls? Focus on her<br />
behaviour and actions – her words and<br />
her demeanour.<br />
“Any teaching or resources should be focussed on the actions,<br />
decisions or issues of the sex offender – not the child.”<br />
There is no evidence at present that<br />
vulnerabilities lead to being sexually<br />
exploited – and vulnerabilities are not<br />
a pre-requisite to being sexually<br />
abused.<br />
Also, steer clear of depicting<br />
stereotypical rape victims (white,<br />
female, teenage, socially confident,<br />
parties, hotels, boyfriends, taxis etc) –<br />
it does nothing for our cause and<br />
alienates children who don’t see<br />
themselves in the resource.<br />
Don’t show a linear grooming process<br />
where the perp is nice to them and<br />
makes them think they are in a<br />
relationship and then eventually<br />
harms them – grooming rarely works<br />
like that in real life and we are giving<br />
children a romanticised version of<br />
abuse.<br />
You don’t need to show harm to<br />
children to get your point across.<br />
Maybe the perp is an old disabled man<br />
who tricks children into ‘helping’ him?<br />
(I have based this idea on a real case<br />
from Elliott, 1995).<br />
Maybe the perp is a young, talented<br />
sportsman who uses his fame or talent<br />
to abuse girls around him?<br />
Maybe the perp is a respected English<br />
teacher who abuses boys in her<br />
primary school class?<br />
Try to show the diversity of abusers<br />
and the techniques.<br />
Some sex offenders are just violent and<br />
threaten children.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Some offenders will be very careful and<br />
charming and nice. Some mix it up. Some<br />
have completely different approaches.<br />
We are guilty of only ever showing one<br />
type of sex offender in CSE films and<br />
resources and it’s totally unrealistic.<br />
Don’t show online abuse as some fat old<br />
ugly bloke posing as a teenager online to<br />
groom kids, the research does not support<br />
this at all – and it is causing a narrative in<br />
professionals all over the UK who think<br />
that online abuse is a sex offender who<br />
poses as children and then ‘tricks’ them<br />
into meeting them.<br />
There is way too much ‘consultancy’ going<br />
on around these CSE films and resources<br />
where professionals are telling the<br />
developers that the resource is unethical<br />
or incorrect and then the organisation<br />
ploughs ahead and releases it anyway.<br />
I know of at least two resources in the<br />
public domain that were opposed by<br />
experts but were released anyway by the<br />
organisation.<br />
What is the point of holding consultations<br />
if you ignore the experts you invited?<br />
Accept that you might not get the answer<br />
you hoped for.<br />
“Don’t show online abuse as some fat old ugly bloke posing<br />
as a teenager online to groom kids, the research does<br />
not support this at all.”<br />
Avoid a misleading title full of buzzwords<br />
and sensation. Personally, I think that<br />
‘Kayleigh’s Love Story’ is an insult to her<br />
and should have been boycotted the<br />
second it crept out of someone’s mouth.<br />
It’s not catchy or clever to call a video<br />
about a sexual homicide of a child a ‘love<br />
story’.<br />
Do not sell, roll out or deliver a resource<br />
or film that has not been tested<br />
empirically and independently.<br />
In fact, only make a resource or film if<br />
you have sought an expert panel which<br />
includes child, clinical or forensic<br />
psychologists at a bare minimum.<br />
Go to your local universities and ask for a<br />
reviewing panel. Ask for ethical review.<br />
Go and get experts to be your critical<br />
friends and listen to them.<br />
What is the effect of your resource? How<br />
does it work? How do you know? Does it<br />
work the same for all children? Does it<br />
work better for some over others? Why?<br />
Do children benefit from this? How? How<br />
long for? How do you know? Is there any<br />
difference between the children who have<br />
never seen your film/resource and the<br />
children you used it with? How do you<br />
know? How will you test this?<br />
Evaluation is vital. There are so many<br />
CSE films and resources that make<br />
massive claims to reduce abuse, increase<br />
knowledge, protect children, enable them<br />
to spot the signs of abuse, escape abuse,<br />
realise what is happening to them – but<br />
no evidence and no empirical testing.<br />
This is an edited version.<br />
The full blog can be found on:<br />
victimfocus.wordpress.com<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Dr Emma Bond<br />
is a Professor in the Faculty of<br />
Arts, Business<br />
and Applied Social Science<br />
at University of Suffolk<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Professor Emma Bond is a<br />
Professor in the Faculty of Arts,<br />
Business and Applied Social<br />
Science at University of Suffolk<br />
and has over 15 years teaching<br />
experience on social science<br />
undergraduate and post-graduate<br />
courses.<br />
Emma also has extensive research<br />
experience and is a Senior Fellow<br />
of the Higher Education Academy<br />
and a visiting Senior Fellow at the<br />
London School of Economics.<br />
Emma is a member of the British<br />
Sociological Association and the<br />
Society for Research in Higher<br />
Education.<br />
Her research on virtual<br />
environments, mobile<br />
technologies and risk has<br />
attracted much national and<br />
international acclaim and she has<br />
been interviewed for BBC<br />
Breakfast; The Today Programme<br />
on Radio 4; Woman's Hour on<br />
Radio 4; Channel 4s Sex<br />
education Show and for various<br />
national media channels in the<br />
UK, America and Canada.<br />
NEXT MONTH<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> will be interviewing<br />
Professor Bond as well as hear<br />
about her current research.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
In 2014, 20 year old Hollie Gazzard was viciously murdered by her<br />
ex-boyfriend. Since then, her family have tirelessly raised<br />
awareness of domestic violence whilst keeping the memory of their<br />
beloved Hollie alive.<br />
Following on from Hollie Guard, an app that turns a smartphone<br />
into a personal safety device by shaking the phone or tapping the<br />
screen to generate an alert. Nick Gazzard, Hollie's father aims to<br />
educate employers on domestic abuse and their obligations to their<br />
employees.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Graham Goulden Dad,<br />
husband, 1986 World Pipe<br />
Band Champion Drummer,<br />
International Leadership and<br />
Violence Prevention Trainer<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
THE INTERVIEW<br />
Graham Goulden<br />
H<br />
i<br />
Graham, thank you so much for agreeing to this<br />
interview. I am really pleased to be interviewing you<br />
especially as I know you are currently away in the<br />
States, working but before we get on to that, let’s start<br />
off gently..<br />
Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />
Wow, what a start to an interview. What the hell in for a penny in for a pound.<br />
A bath gets my vote all of the time. But then again, I’m getting bathrooms<br />
upgraded soon with a new shower. Can I get back to you on that one?<br />
Are you an early bird or a night owl?<br />
Early bird for me. Always keen to get the day started. Always something to<br />
learn. Coffee makes everything better.<br />
For the benefit of those who don’t know, what do you do?<br />
I spent 30 years as a Scottish Police Officer, the last 8 years spent as a Chief<br />
Inspector with the Scottish Violence Reduction Unit (VRU) developing<br />
leadership/bystander programmes in Schools, Universities, with dentists,<br />
hairdressers, the fire service, sports and in the work place. This work focused<br />
a lot on leadership to prevent incidences of bullying, domestic violence and<br />
sexual violence.<br />
Having now retired from the police I’ve set up my own training consultancy<br />
‘Cultivating Minds UK’. I enjoy talking leadership when it comes to<br />
prevention of bullying, domestic abuse and sexual violence. I’m lucky enough<br />
to work from time to time in the United States. This has in past centred on<br />
schools, university campuses and pro-sports. I worked last year with pro<br />
baseball teams supporting prevention work around domestic and sexual<br />
violence. I can always say that I worked with the Chicago Cubs during their<br />
World Series winning season (Go Cubs). I see a real opportunity for sports in<br />
the UK to be engaged in this work I’m also about to speak at an event on<br />
‘heroism’ in Michigan. I know bystanders see friends being abused or being<br />
abusive. We need to help them be the friends and hero’s I know they can be.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
What made you go into this line<br />
of work?<br />
I got into law enforcement as a 19 year<br />
old. It’s something I had always<br />
wanted to do. My last role within the<br />
VRU really turned my world on its<br />
head. I just started to see a world<br />
where my two daughters faced real<br />
issues and challenges. I met some<br />
really interesting people including my<br />
now friend Jackson Katz. Jackson<br />
forced me to self-inspect my attitudes<br />
and behaviours. I have to say it was<br />
like getting hit by a 40-tonne lorry.<br />
Now that I see it I will never be able to<br />
un-see it. For me I just want to engage<br />
others in conversations that allow<br />
them to see the issues at play.<br />
Prevention for me needs to involve a<br />
dripping tap approach. Not one<br />
response will provide the solution. It<br />
will take many small steps and actions<br />
that together will make the difference<br />
we need.<br />
What, in your opinion is the most<br />
misunderstood, the biggest myth<br />
in the understanding of violence<br />
prevention?<br />
For me there are many challenges. The<br />
biggest for me is in how society defines<br />
the term violence itself. Most people<br />
will define violence as the physical<br />
stuff.<br />
“the work I was doing brought me into some conflict with other<br />
colleagues who simply thought that to tackle violence we<br />
needed to come down hard on the criminal. ”<br />
How do people react when you tell<br />
them what you do?<br />
In the last years of my service, the work I was<br />
doing brought me into some conflict with<br />
other colleagues who simply thought that to<br />
tackle violence we needed to come down<br />
hard on the criminal.<br />
I look at violence now through the lens of<br />
public health. This has allowed me to ask lots<br />
of questions about behaviour but at all times<br />
still hold people accountable. What we see<br />
playing out in our communities: the antisocial<br />
behaviour, the violence and the<br />
addictions are often rooted in early years<br />
experiences.<br />
We ignore these at our peril. This for me is<br />
why our collective response to domestic<br />
violence is so important. We will never have<br />
peace on our streets, and in our world until<br />
we have peace in the home. That’s fact. I’ve<br />
persevered and just kept pegging away, so<br />
much so that many colleagues and even<br />
family members now see the issues at play.<br />
The punch, the kick, the slap. A question I<br />
always ask of people is “If we simply<br />
define violence as the end result, how do<br />
we expect to prevent it?” That’s the first<br />
challenge. We need to think differently<br />
and widen our lens when it comes to<br />
violence. There are many other challenges<br />
including how we blame victims, media<br />
consumption, notions of masculinity.<br />
These may have to wait for another time.<br />
Which question makes you cringe?<br />
Not so much a question but a<br />
statement.<br />
As I say above I do a lot of work to<br />
prevent domestic violence and sexual<br />
violence. It’s clear that girls and women<br />
are most at risk and that men are the<br />
main perpetrators.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
I often get men and women reminding<br />
me that men can be victims of<br />
woman’s abuse.<br />
I understand where they are coming<br />
from and of course this form of abuse<br />
is wrong however I sometimes just<br />
want individuals to be able to talk<br />
about men’s violence without having to<br />
focus on woman’s violence. For me it’s<br />
important we separate it.<br />
First thing is not to panic. This is more<br />
about being a friend than having to be<br />
a crime fighter. It’s not your job to<br />
solve this, your role is to be there and<br />
ask the question.<br />
Statements such as “Is everything ok?<br />
I’ve noticed (behaviour/injury). It<br />
looks like something has happened.<br />
You didn’t deserve this.”<br />
Being a bystander to any difficult<br />
situation is going to be difficult<br />
therefor it’s important we think about<br />
our actions if it happened for real. Ask<br />
yourself what’s the alternative if you<br />
do nothing?<br />
“I sometimes just want individuals to be able to talk about men’s<br />
violence without having to focus on woman’s violence.”<br />
If you suspected a friend of yours<br />
of being a victim of violence, how<br />
would you broach the subject, if<br />
at all?<br />
It’s so important that we all start to see<br />
a role in the prevention of violence.<br />
Violence has the potential to be deeply<br />
personal to each and everyone of us.<br />
Victims of violence need our support.<br />
They need to know that they have done<br />
nothing wrong and didn’t deserve their<br />
victimisation.<br />
When it comes to incidences of<br />
domestic and sexual violence this is<br />
vital. These crimes involve power and<br />
control being taken away from victims.<br />
It’s vital we know that we all have the<br />
ability to give some of this power back.<br />
I previously wrote this blog on when a<br />
friend discloses sexual violence. It’s still<br />
very relevant -<br />
https://ggoulden.wordpress.com/2016/<br />
12/05/so-you-want-to-help-heres-how/<br />
( cut and paste into browser)<br />
And what if you thought the friend<br />
was the abuser?<br />
I’m so glad you asked this question. The<br />
ongoing Harvey Weinstein case suggests<br />
that many people around Weinstein knew<br />
what was happening but did nothing.<br />
What does this say to Weinstein?<br />
It gives a form of consent to his actions<br />
and adds to his power. I do however<br />
accept that it can be difficult to challenge<br />
a friend and see a need for us to talk more<br />
about this and provide individuals with<br />
options and ways that this can be done<br />
safely.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Conflict is difficult. We might lose a<br />
friend, we might get hurt. But again,<br />
ask yourself “What’s the alternative?”<br />
I’m not a believer in simply coming at<br />
this head on with a friend. We need to<br />
come more at this from many different<br />
angles. Saying something like “I’ve<br />
noticed your behaviour with ….. I’m a<br />
bit concerned about this. Is everything<br />
ok?<br />
As a man, for me there is a need for<br />
more men to challenge other men on<br />
their abusive behaviour. Let’s not wait<br />
for it to become physical. We need<br />
men to help send out the message that<br />
any form of abuse isn’t tolerated<br />
The conversations will also help us<br />
challenge the thinking of the some. Lastly<br />
we need to provide young people with<br />
safe options that they can use to help,<br />
even challenge their friends. So whilst<br />
education is needed and can happen. For<br />
me its how we engage the young people<br />
that’s critical. I often feel this initial<br />
engagement is missing.<br />
There are some who think the mindset of<br />
a perpetrator cannot be changed and that<br />
change is only possible with a new<br />
generation brought up with different<br />
values. How would you respond to that?<br />
There will be some perpetrators of abuse<br />
that will never change.<br />
“As a man, for me there is a need for more men to<br />
challenge other men on their abusive behaviour.”<br />
How do we educate children in this?<br />
Education is important but for me there is<br />
a step we need to take before education.<br />
There is a real need to open dialog up that<br />
creates a conversations that raise<br />
awareness on these issues. These<br />
conversations allow us to start to provide<br />
the reassurance I feel is needed.<br />
The majority of young people in our<br />
schools possess healthy attitudes that are<br />
being challenged by our culture and<br />
climate. Young people are growing up in a<br />
sexually toxic environment. Yes, we<br />
should be shocked when we read<br />
headlines about increases in sexual<br />
violence in our schools but we shouldn’t<br />
necessarily be surprised.<br />
The reassurance we need to provide will<br />
support young people live their healthy<br />
values.<br />
Criminal justice is the response. I’m doing<br />
work in prisons just now that clearly show<br />
that for some a lack of knowledge around<br />
healthy relationships plays out in the<br />
offences we see. .<br />
I’m not excusing abuse, I just want us to<br />
help some people better understand their<br />
behaviour. In many way’s my approach<br />
forces self-inspection whilst not directly<br />
pointing fingers. A lot of those who<br />
perpetrate abuse have known nothing<br />
else. Behaviours are often taught and<br />
without an opposite they will continue to<br />
play out with harmful consequences.<br />
Again, I’m not excusing abuse. I’m<br />
suggesting that we need to consider the<br />
impact of early adverse childhood<br />
experiences (ACES). The work I’m doing<br />
in prison just now focuses on fatherhood.<br />
Clearly the next generation are at risk of<br />
we don’t look at ways to affect change in<br />
behaviours<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Who inspires you?<br />
For me it’s my daughters Alice and<br />
Jenni. We all need a purpose in our<br />
lives. I know both my girls have<br />
experienced sexism and forms of abuse<br />
in their lives. It angers me and has<br />
forced me to self-inspect my own<br />
behaviours when growing up. This in<br />
many ways have been very helpful. My<br />
girls experiences inspire me to make<br />
the invisible, visible, especially when<br />
working with boys and men. I show a<br />
picture of them at most trainings and<br />
presentations I deliver. They are my<br />
Why.<br />
What is a typical day ?<br />
Retirement from the police hasn’t<br />
meant that I have slowed down. In<br />
fact, I’m as busy as ever. I’m a bit of a<br />
social media addict using it to extend<br />
my learning and connect with likeminded<br />
people. My day often starts<br />
with some web surfing. Preparation is<br />
important for me. I like to ensure my<br />
content is bespoke and current. A lot of<br />
my time is spent developing my<br />
content to ensure those attending<br />
trainings get the most from it.<br />
How do you switch off from<br />
work?<br />
I sometimes find it hard to totally<br />
switch off. There is so much going on<br />
in the world that both upsets and<br />
angers me.<br />
I just want to develop conversations to<br />
help others see the issues at play.<br />
Walking the dog, running, skiing and<br />
enjoying time with my wonderful wife<br />
all excite me.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
“My girls experiences inspire me to make the invisible,<br />
visible, especially when working with boys and men.”<br />
You’re stranded on a desert<br />
island. Which 3 things could you<br />
not live without? You are not<br />
allowed to say people or pets!<br />
My phone with unlimited data so I can<br />
speak with my wife and family as well<br />
as accessing my Spotify account. Love<br />
music.<br />
Graham, Ive really enjoyed this<br />
interview and it's good to know<br />
more about the man behind the<br />
mission. Thank you so much for<br />
giving <strong>CCChat</strong> this opportunity.<br />
That will do me. Hopefully my wife will<br />
send out the rescue party after I call<br />
her. By the way I’m assuming there<br />
would be a signal.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
2017<br />
Norwich Beer Festival<br />
Leeway - Norwich Beer Fesival's Charity of the Year<br />
As a volunteer for Leeway Domestic Abuse, I helped man the stand at the 40th Norwich Beer Festival in<br />
October. The 6 day festival showcased over 250 different beers and the event overall amount raised for<br />
domestic abuse was in excess of £7,000- a phenomenal amount. Thank you CAMRA and real ale drinkers!<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Charity Focus<br />
Interview with<br />
Mandy Procter<br />
CEO, Leeway<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Mandy Procter<br />
CEO, Leeway<br />
Hi Mandy, thank you so much for<br />
agreeing to this interview. I am<br />
thrilled to be interviewing you.<br />
Leeway is a fantastic local charity<br />
and it was a real pleasure to talk<br />
at your recent conference in July.<br />
So, just starting off gently:<br />
Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />
Bath Are you an early bird or a night<br />
owl? Neither! I hate early morning and<br />
don’t like to be too late going to bed<br />
For the benefit of those who don’t<br />
know, could you tell us what you do? I<br />
am Chief Executive Officer of Leeway<br />
Domestic Violence and Abuse Services<br />
who supports adults, children & young<br />
people experiencing domestic abuse.<br />
What made you go into this line<br />
of work?<br />
I started as a volunteer with the charity<br />
in 1989 & because I was passionate<br />
about wanting to support women and<br />
children who were suffering from<br />
domestic abuse.<br />
How do people react when you<br />
tell them what you do? Outside of<br />
the DV sector that is! “<br />
Oh that must be rewarding” is a<br />
popular response.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
What do you consider to be the<br />
most important qualities in<br />
someone working with victims?<br />
Empathy, understanding, nonjudgemental,<br />
supportive, the ability to<br />
advocate on behalf of others.<br />
Knowledge of safeguarding & safety<br />
planning. Awareness of other agencies<br />
both statutory and voluntary that can<br />
also offer additional support.<br />
Ability to confidence build & empower<br />
victims to make positive life choices.<br />
What advice would you give to<br />
someone who didn’t want to report?<br />
If someone is at risk of immediate harm<br />
or in danger the advice I would always<br />
encourage them to report to the police.<br />
The police powers and responses have<br />
drastically improved over time and the<br />
service is there to offer the emergency<br />
response to emergency situations.<br />
For ongoing harassment, stalking and<br />
other abusive behaviours I again<br />
encourage reporting, the abuser can then<br />
hopefully be brought to account for their<br />
behaviour/s through the criminal or civil<br />
justice processes.<br />
“We currently have six refuges across the Norfolk offering 47<br />
emergency bed spaces for women and children fleeing an<br />
abusive situation. ”<br />
How would you respond to someone<br />
who feels that getting funding for<br />
support services is easy?<br />
I would explain that there are many<br />
competitive processes and hoops to jump<br />
through to obtain funds from a whole variety<br />
of funders & that you would need to not have<br />
all your eggs in one basket so to speak.<br />
Who do you admire?<br />
Professor Liz Kelly<br />
Editor's note:<br />
Professor Liz Kelly was one of a group<br />
of women who set up Leeway in<br />
Norwich, in the 1970's.<br />
What is a typical day for you?<br />
Leadership & decision making,<br />
problem-solving, various meetings, bid<br />
reading, governance support for the<br />
board of trustees, liaising with the<br />
media etc etc.<br />
What positive changes in terms<br />
of victim support have you seen<br />
in your time at Leeway and what<br />
still needs to be done?<br />
Leeway have expanded and developed<br />
our services over the last 44 years. We<br />
currently have six refuges across the<br />
Norfolk offering 47 emergency bed<br />
spaces for women and children fleeing<br />
an abusive situation.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Leeway Community services cover<br />
Norfolk and Waveney meeting people<br />
who are living with or fleeing abusive<br />
relationships this includes our helpline<br />
for women and men, as well as<br />
caseworkers, outreach workers and a<br />
children’s team.<br />
We also have an advocacy service for high<br />
risk service users. We have seen many<br />
changes in attitudes and legislation over<br />
this time and partnership working is a big<br />
move forward in reaching and supporting<br />
people experiencing domestic abuse.<br />
We work closely with Norfolk<br />
Constabulary regarding Claire’s Law and<br />
Coercive Control.<br />
What do you do to relax?<br />
Go to the football, spend time with my<br />
family, go on holidays, visit the<br />
seaside. If you were given 3<br />
wishes, what would they be?<br />
Secure long-term funding for domestic<br />
abuse services, Government legislation<br />
to safeguard victims from further<br />
abuse Norwich City Football Club to<br />
win the Premier League<br />
Finally, you’re stranded on a<br />
desert island. Which 3 things<br />
could you not live without?<br />
Chocolate or cake, glass of wine,<br />
water.<br />
“We have seen many changes in attitudes and<br />
legislation over this time ”<br />
We are also involved in many<br />
consultations, both nationally and<br />
locally, and campaign on various<br />
issues alongside Women’s Aid over<br />
many years to improve the lives and<br />
services for women and children.<br />
Many things still need be done like<br />
having a national stalking register and<br />
also for the government to ensure long<br />
term, secure, funding for refuges, as<br />
well as introducing a Commissioner to<br />
ensure good practice is being carried<br />
out by the police and legal system.<br />
Making sure children and teenagers’,<br />
experiencing DA, voices are heard and<br />
that they have adequate support from<br />
DA services.<br />
Mandy,<br />
Thank you so much for giving<br />
your time to this interview. It is<br />
great to know a little bit more<br />
about the CEO of the charity I<br />
volunteer for.<br />
The sponsored headshave did not<br />
reach the target I had hoped for<br />
but am looking at organising<br />
another fundraising event to<br />
support Leeway.<br />
It will be some form of sponsored<br />
karaoke<br />
but let's get Christmas out of the<br />
way first!<br />
Min<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
ELDER ABUSE<br />
we need to talk<br />
about this<br />
and we need to talk<br />
NOW<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
"MY MUM IS IN DANGER<br />
BUT NO ONE CAN SEE"<br />
Rachel's story<br />
“I am told that dementia is a complex illness. It<br />
isnt. Coercive control is complex behaviour”<br />
Rachel has been trying to get help for<br />
her mother for many years.<br />
She believes her mother is being failed and<br />
there is nothing she can do to make those<br />
who are in a position to help her, see.<br />
She has tried and tried and tried but, instead,<br />
she has come away with the awareness that<br />
SHE is being seen as the problem.<br />
Not the abuser, the emotionally bereft<br />
emotional abuser who has isolated Rachel's<br />
mum, but, instead, the daughter who<br />
desperately wants her mother to be safe.<br />
I have talked to Rachel on numerous<br />
occasions. We have been in contact nearly 2<br />
years. Throughout that time she has told me<br />
what has happened, filling me in on the<br />
background, updating me on the present.<br />
I have literally wanted to bang my head in<br />
frustration at the blind ignorance, the<br />
failings to recognise areas that should flag up<br />
a serious safeguarding concern.<br />
For some reason ,those concerns remain<br />
unflagged. Or, to be more accurate, the case<br />
has been looked into but nothing has ever<br />
been found.<br />
He appears devoted to his wife, so devoted he<br />
spends all his time with her. He claims it is to<br />
reassure her. He claims she only wants him to<br />
look after her.<br />
Rachel's mum has dementia and no capacity. She<br />
tells me of some horrifying examples of lack of<br />
understanding, negligent care and poor practice.<br />
There was the time social care refused to see she<br />
was at risk. She looked well presented so they<br />
surmised she was well cared for- because she was<br />
wearing clean clothes and he had brushed her hai,<br />
she was safe..<br />
There was the time the perpetrator managed to<br />
get a copy of highly confidential meeting notes<br />
discussing the potential risk he posed to Rachel's<br />
mother.<br />
There was the time he admitted giving her his<br />
medication. Highly addictive sleeping pills. He<br />
said he had been told he could do that, if Rachel's<br />
mum became unmanageable and he couldn't cope.<br />
That it did not alert them to possible risk,<br />
especially when he refused social care, saying he<br />
wanted to do it all himself. Even though he<br />
admitted medicating her when he plainly couldn't.<br />
There was the time he insisted on no outside help,<br />
saying he could manage, saying he wanted to be<br />
the one looking after his wife. He was in in<br />
eighties.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Many a time, Rachel has worried that he<br />
might go to the police to make a compaint of<br />
harassment. This would inevitably result in<br />
her not being able to visit her mum,<br />
increasing the already significant isolation<br />
and incresing the risk of harm of Rachel's<br />
mum.<br />
Rachel is exhausted. She has been trying to<br />
have her mum moved to a safer environment<br />
for several years. it has taken a toll on her<br />
health, her relationship with her family and<br />
also on their finances.<br />
She tells me she has not had a holiday<br />
abroad, with her husband, for several years.<br />
She insists on one of them being in the<br />
country in case something happens to her<br />
mum.<br />
There was the time he accused Rachel of<br />
lying and only wanting to get her hands on<br />
the inheritance.<br />
This, even though Rachel wanted her mum<br />
transferred to a care home which would have<br />
eaten up the inheritance she was trying to grasp.<br />
Noone saw the contradiction. It was easier to<br />
scapegoat Rachel as the one with the problem, the<br />
one who was a risk to her mother.<br />
This is no way to live, there is no way this is<br />
sustainable. Rachel spends her life in a<br />
hypervigilant state fretting over what her<br />
mum may be subjected to.<br />
What Rachel can't understand is that others<br />
can see the concerns and yet the<br />
professionals who are supposed to safeguard<br />
her are oblivious to 'red flags'.<br />
“I still expect to be lied to,<br />
stonewalled, by adult social care.”<br />
He had Power of Attorney but even so, Rachel was<br />
unable to find a single domestic abuse support<br />
agency that would look at the case. Why? Because<br />
she lacked mental capacity.<br />
Visits were made as difficult as possible. He<br />
insisted on staying in the room. If Rachel's mum<br />
became confused, he told her that she and Rachel<br />
had had a row and she had told him she wanted<br />
Rachel to go.<br />
Or that she had fallen and needed to stay in bed to<br />
rest and get better, that she is was the one asking<br />
to go to bed, to be left in bed - sometimes all day.<br />
If Rachel said anything, he accused her of<br />
defamation, of lying, of being the bully.<br />
She really struggles with this seemingly<br />
unbelievable cognitive dissonance and<br />
can't help but wonder if she really IS the<br />
problem - as all the professionals have<br />
come to see her.<br />
There have been many times when Rachel<br />
has been tempted to throw in the towel<br />
but a small voice always stops her:<br />
"We all become old eventually."<br />
It is this thought which spurs her on.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
WHEN THE COURTS GET IT WRONG<br />
Kelly's Story<br />
T<br />
T<br />
here is one day now ingrained on my mind. This was<br />
the day that my non molestation order was due to<br />
expire.<br />
As it got nearer this date, my anxiety levels<br />
accelerated and I felt constantly on edge.<br />
I was granted a non molestation order after the CPS dropped my case. The<br />
police advised me to urgently make an application for a non molestation<br />
order after all bail conditions were dropped<br />
The order was finally granted after several weeks of my ex partner continuing<br />
his abuse of me but through the court system. He evaded the application<br />
which had to be served and requested that he would only accept the<br />
paperwork electronically which therefore meant another court appearance at a<br />
further cost.<br />
On the final appearance at court he had stated that he would not contest the<br />
order, however I felt sure that he would on the day. True to form, he<br />
contacted my solicitor stating that he was running late and was stuck in traffic<br />
but was looking forward to seeing her in court, she said he was lovely on the<br />
phone! As my solicitor said she hated dealing with his un- predictable<br />
behaviour.<br />
He arrived at Family Court late; I was petrified, I had requested special<br />
measures due the nature of the case -he had previously threatened to kill me if<br />
I went to the police- but here were none. We were in the same room. My<br />
Barrister informed him of the process,as he was self representing, he would<br />
have been able to cross examine me, if I'd had no legal representation.<br />
True to form he then said he would be contesting the order. My Barrister<br />
informed me that he had re-written the order and informed him that this<br />
would mean a further court appearance and that we would be requesting his<br />
criminal history.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
At this point a member of staff<br />
intervened and we were called in to the<br />
court room.<br />
The Judge immediately said to my Ex<br />
partner it is my understanding that<br />
you were not going to contest this<br />
order however you have now changed<br />
your mind.<br />
I had a good judge that put my ex<br />
partner firmly in his place, he was told<br />
given the seriousness of the allegations<br />
and the fact that you state that you<br />
never want to see this woman again! I<br />
ask why you feel the need to contest<br />
it?<br />
I was utterly relieved that the order<br />
was granted and that I had some sort<br />
of protection and peace of mind.<br />
My ex is calculating and I am all too<br />
aware that whilst there is an order in<br />
place that states that he is not allowed<br />
any contact with myself both directly<br />
or indirectly and not allowed to<br />
instruct a third party to threaten or<br />
intimate me , that I am safe.<br />
All professionals have stated that he is<br />
dangerous and I am a high risk victim<br />
I know.<br />
All professionals have stated that he is dangerous and I<br />
am a high risk victim<br />
At this point he lost his cool and the<br />
judge was able to see exactly the types<br />
of behaviours that had bought us to<br />
this. He swore at me, calling me a liar<br />
and every expletive under the sun, it<br />
was at this point that the judge told<br />
him that he needed to accept the order,<br />
he reluctantly agreed and asked<br />
whether his employer would need to<br />
be informed of this he then stormed<br />
out of court.<br />
I am lucky to have left the relationship<br />
and still be alive, two years on.<br />
However, I was all too aware that I<br />
would need to either move from my<br />
home town when the order expired or<br />
re apply for an extension. The latter is<br />
what I did.<br />
This is a man who says he is a changed<br />
person; he has previous for kidnap,<br />
armed robbery and drug charges.<br />
However he now works for a major<br />
corporation so prides himself on this.<br />
My ex showed his real self at this stage,<br />
completely losing his cool screaming<br />
and shouting at myself and my<br />
barrister in the court waiting room.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Mobbing<br />
WHY WE CAN NOT,<br />
MUST NOT IGNORE<br />
D<br />
D<br />
on't feed the trolls. I hear that a lot. If you follow me<br />
on Twitter, you'll understand why. It's not because I<br />
have an insatiable appetite to respond. To be perfectly<br />
honest, dismissing them would be a relatively easy<br />
thing to do. I choose not to.<br />
Having been in a relationship that was coercive and controlling but where, for the<br />
longest time, I did not recognise that I was the victim ( so carefully had he spun the<br />
web of lies to say it was all me), the BIGGEST question I had was How?<br />
How did I not see it?<br />
How did I not get out?<br />
How did I react in the way that I did?<br />
How was I able to hide it from everyone, especially myself?<br />
These questions, and many more, would lead me down the path of identifying 'red<br />
flags'. Those little signs at the beginning of a relationship that niggle away.You can't<br />
quite put a finger on it, it is uncomfortable, it is there.<br />
It is also a mystery.<br />
It's easy to overlook those subtle 'red flags'.<br />
People are, essentially, nice most of us believe in the goodness on mankind. Many of<br />
us are blessed with humanity. Where it can become an issue is when we overlook<br />
certain signals because we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, we don't<br />
want to judge, we don't want to readily condemn.<br />
Manipulative abusers know this and play on it. They use words like overacting,<br />
paranoid, too sensitive. These words feed into our insecurities. We all want to be<br />
liked.<br />
This brings me onto a subject that conflicts me greatly.<br />
How to deal with the troll?<br />
Don't feed them, ignore, block them.<br />
I hear these comments all the time. There is a bit of a running joke within the<br />
Twitter community that knows me. " She's off again" is fairly common as is, "Are<br />
you ok?"<br />
Those who know me well know that this is what I have to do. I engage to pin point,<br />
to highlight, to document what is THE essence of invisible in plain sight.<br />
The motivations and patterns of abusive mobbing.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Let's be clear, this is not trolling. It's<br />
not some contemptible twit bashing<br />
out his or her inadequacies on a<br />
keyboard. It's not some delinquent<br />
getting his or her jollies. It's not the<br />
cacophony of inflamed anti feminists<br />
screeching loud and proud about<br />
THEIR equality, THEIR<br />
egalitarianism, THEIR inclusiveness.<br />
By ostacising.<br />
Funny that.<br />
When I refer to mobbing, I am<br />
referring to the smear campaigns, the<br />
shouting down, the silencing, the gang<br />
baiting ego driven, hate filled enraged<br />
polemic that operates in tandem.<br />
And, most of all, I refer to the shrill<br />
screeching of the mock outraged who<br />
claim to highlight the injustice of false<br />
allegations.<br />
By making up their own false<br />
allegations.<br />
I refer to the ability of some who goad,<br />
incite, mock, attack, demean, degrade,<br />
humiliate, harangue, defame a target<br />
into responding.<br />
So THEY can claim they are the victim<br />
Or they can say it is 'tit for tat'<br />
Or reciprocal<br />
“Part of recognising what is invisble in plain sight is<br />
acknowledging what is in plain sight.”<br />
I refer to the so called advocates<br />
(SCAs) who trawl the internet for the<br />
prey they seek to validate and verify<br />
their bloated yet empty claims.<br />
I refer to the disaffected who lash out<br />
at all who disagree because THEY have<br />
been hurt, THEY have been violated,<br />
THEY have suffered.<br />
And, somehow, they feel it justifies<br />
their behaviour.<br />
I refer to the axes that are ground by<br />
spreading rumour and innuendo and<br />
fantasy as fact.<br />
When it is ANYTHING BUT.<br />
Part of recognising what is invisble in<br />
plain sight is acknowledging what is in<br />
plain sight.<br />
You can give a blind person a book but<br />
you can't make them see.<br />
If we want stalking, harassment, cyber<br />
bullying, any king of bullying, coercive<br />
control to be taken seriously, we need<br />
to take our heads OUT of the sand and<br />
not only recognise but FLAG UP what<br />
is there.<br />
Right under your nose.<br />
Invisible in plain sight.<br />
Min Grob<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Just some of the examples of 'Mobbing'<br />
Mobbing is not trolling. It is coordinated silencing.<br />
It is a carefully orchestrated and choreographed mass attack on<br />
a common 'foe'.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Just some of the examples of 'Mobbing'<br />
Abusers attach to others to intimidate and denigrate en masse.<br />
It won't be long before the person trying to discredit you starts<br />
engaging with others who disagree with you. to form an alliance.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
GWEN OWEN<br />
Mediator and Panel Member<br />
of <strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
I<br />
am interviewing Gwen Owen, a commercial and civil<br />
mediator with offices in the medieval grid of Suffolk<br />
market-town, Bury St Edmunds.<br />
Starting next year, the first <strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
will start, in Bury St Edmunds, with Gwen as one of<br />
the panel members.<br />
Hi Gwen, thank you so much for agreeing to this interview and thank<br />
you also for letting me use your offices for the upcoming <strong>CCChat</strong><br />
Discussion Group. I wanted to find out a little more about what you do<br />
so, for the first question: Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />
A bit of both really. Shower in the morning but I love a bath at night. Are you an<br />
early bird or a night owl?<br />
More of a night owl but I can get up in the morning and can hit the floor running, if<br />
I need to.<br />
Your offices are based in the centre of Bury St Edmunds. What is the<br />
best thing about being in Bury St Edmunds?<br />
Oh where do I start! I love the feel of the town:- Abbey Gardens , all the cafés,<br />
independent shops, the Wednesday and Saturday Market, the friendly people, the<br />
Cathedral, the surrounding villages and the community spirit of our Facebook page:<br />
- WE LOVE BURY ST EDMUNDS<br />
As you know, I raise awareness of coercive control. What do you think<br />
needs to be done to improve understanding?<br />
Generally there is no hiding the fact there is physical abuse in many relationships;<br />
we can see the evidence of this when someone has been affected. Mental cruelty and<br />
coercive control, can be hidden by the perpetrator and the victim, therefore if more<br />
people have an understanding of how damaging and dangerous coercive control can<br />
be, there will be more opportunities for victims to be heard and understood.<br />
Hopefully this will result in less situations sliding under the radar.<br />
There is an enormous need to educate potential victims by providing support and<br />
general awareness. The need for self worth, self belief together with the knowledge<br />
they will be listened to, will provide strength to the potential victim. This means the<br />
perpetrator who is attempting coercive control will not have the level of power<br />
required to succeed.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
I know you are a mediator, but<br />
that’s all I know. Could you tell me a<br />
little more about it?<br />
Mediation can be an effective solution<br />
when an argument / disagreement cannot<br />
be rectified with the personnel involved.<br />
It is less costly than resorting to courts<br />
and can often provide a more acceptable<br />
outcome because both parties are given<br />
equal input.<br />
My training in Commercial & Civil<br />
Mediation has been further enhanced by<br />
my training and knowledge in group<br />
counselling.<br />
I fit a gym workout in when I can but<br />
have been lax over the past months due to<br />
spending a number of nights away<br />
looking after my Mother.<br />
I do generally enjoy exercise so I want to<br />
get back into a healthy routine. My day is<br />
then taken up with meeting clients or<br />
potential clients, answering emails and<br />
preparing mail outs.<br />
My hobbies are Dramatics and as a<br />
member of Bury Theatre Workshop, I’m<br />
either rehearsing for a play or helping<br />
with the set-up of the next play, twice a<br />
week.<br />
This provides me with a wonderful outlet<br />
and tremendous fun.<br />
“I believe you need to have an open mind, be non<br />
judgemental and to know you’re not there<br />
to solve their problem.”<br />
Mediation can be effective in many areas<br />
of conflict such as neighbour disputes ,<br />
business agreements • Business<br />
Partnership Disputes , doctor / patient<br />
disputes • family disputes around wills .<br />
My role as a Mediator is to facilitate the<br />
discussions, not to advise or suggest<br />
solutions. I listen to the options each<br />
person wishes to offer and go back and<br />
forth to each person until there is an<br />
agreed acceptable outcome.<br />
What would be a typical day for<br />
you?<br />
I get up around 7 to 7:30 am, check<br />
emails and after showering, arrive in my<br />
office any time from 9 to 10:30 am,<br />
depending on whether I have an evening<br />
group counselling session.<br />
In your opinion, what are the qualities<br />
to look out for in a good mediator?<br />
I believe you need to have an open mind, be<br />
non judgemental and to know you’re not<br />
there to solve their problem. Encourage<br />
people to believe they have the answers and<br />
provide them with the space and belief they<br />
can come up with an acceptable solution.<br />
To contact Gwen:<br />
Email: thewestsuffolkhub@gmail.com<br />
Mobile: 07979 151509<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
New for 2018<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong><br />
Discussion Groups<br />
First East Anglia, then nationwide<br />
Making The Invisible Visible<br />
Cambridge<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
Starting 2018<br />
Bury St Edmunds<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
Starting 2018<br />
Norwich<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
Starting 2018<br />
Ipswich<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />
Starting 2018<br />
Px
On the 1st Nov our discussion point was<br />
‘financial abuse’ and there was a lot to be<br />
said by many. It created many conversations<br />
and I have selected a few tweets so you can<br />
see what real people are saying about the<br />
topic. Anyone can get involved, all you have<br />
to do is sign into Twitter on the dedicated<br />
time and tweet with the #AbuseTalk.<br />
The account @AbuseChat will retweet and be<br />
involved in the conversation. If you have any<br />
articles, blog posts, thoughts, feelings on<br />
domestic abuse then this is a space were you<br />
can express it<br />
Don’t know what a Twitter Chat is?<br />
“A Twitter chat is a public Twitter<br />
conversation around one unique hashtag.<br />
This hashtag allows you to follow the<br />
discussion and participate in it. Twitter chats<br />
are usually recurring and on specific topics to<br />
regularly connect people with these<br />
interests.”<br />
www.JenniferGilmour.com<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
NEW: Online Book Club<br />
more than books, books with messages<br />
J<br />
ennifer<br />
Gilmour has launched a book club with a difference.<br />
Read books that relate to domestic abuse. There will be<br />
interviews, reviews, a chance to share your thoughts as talking<br />
points and win exclusive signed copies of some of the books<br />
featured. Any questions or want to get involved?<br />
Email: JLJarratt@hotmail.com<br />
Book for November 2017<br />
Autumn Sky by Helen Pryke ????? on Amazon UK. FREE short story on Amazon:<br />
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Autumn-Sky-Helen-Pryke-ebook/dp/B01N4G80LN<br />
The day Julia’s best friend Becky gives her a magazine article to read, her whole world falls apart.<br />
After years of emotional and psychological abuse, is Julia ready to face the truth about her perfect<br />
marriage to Simon or will she continue to hide her head in the sand? Autumn Sky is a short story of<br />
7,000 words. It includes an excerpt of Walls of Silence, Helen Pryke’s debut novel. My own thoughts<br />
on Autumn Sky: “What a powerful short story that makes an impact. Helen has done a fantastic job<br />
on portraying the anxiety of a victim and I have to say I particularly valued how she has brought<br />
some of the facts of domestic abuse through a magazine article in the book.<br />
It is a challenging job to educate through fiction when you are using it as a piece of entertainment<br />
and Helen has done this exceptionally well. I wanted to read more and find out what happened<br />
further, I was kept intrigued and I related to the victim. Thank you Helen for this short piece which I<br />
am sure will help those who are in abusive relationships realise they are worth more and that it’s<br />
unacceptable behaviour. A must read”<br />
I had the opportunity to ask Helen a couple of questions:<br />
What would you like readers to gain from your short story?<br />
I hope that my short story will reach readers from all walks of life, both male and female, and help<br />
them understand what psychological abuse is like and why the victim can’t leave in most cases. I<br />
hope that people who have never been in an abusive situation will come away from my story with a<br />
deeper understanding and compassion for those who go through these things every day. Most of all, I<br />
hope that someone who is experiencing this type of abuse will read Autumn Sky and it will give them<br />
the courage, and the hope, to take the first step towards asking for help.<br />
Is domestic abuse at the core of all your writing or do you write about anything else?<br />
My books do have abuse at their core, but they are also about strong women who overcome terrible<br />
situations, despite the odds. I’ve written a full-length novel, Walls of Silence, that deals with all kinds<br />
of abuse – sexual, domestic, psychological, emotional. I wrote it just after having left an abusive<br />
relationship, and it was a way to get rid of the anger and hurt inside me. My latest novel, The Healer’s<br />
Secret, is also about abuse, and the effects it has on a family, but there are other elements interwoven<br />
into the story. Sometimes I need to take a break from writing about such traumatic subjects, and I<br />
have recently published a middle grade children’s book under a pen name, with another one due out<br />
next year.<br />
Thank you Helen for giving your time to answer those questions. Do you have thoughts on<br />
Autumn Sky? Email me by the end of November at jljarratt@hotmail.com.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
The Gallery Highwaymans<br />
Risby, Nr Bury St Edmunds<br />
01284 810283;<br />
www.thegalleryhighwaymans.co.uk<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
The Gallery Highwaymans is situated<br />
just outside Bury St Edmunds.<br />
If you're planning an event in Bury St<br />
Edmunds, this venue has facilities<br />
measuring 30 square feet (3 square<br />
meters), including a meeting room.<br />
Free self parking.<br />
Make yourself at home in one of the 8<br />
guestrooms. Complimentary wireless<br />
Internet access is available to keep you<br />
connected. Conveniences including<br />
desks, and both irons/ironing boards<br />
and cribs/infant beds (surcharge) are<br />
available on request.<br />
An ideal venue for a gallery opening, a<br />
conference, a retreat or just an escape<br />
to the country.<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Elizabeth Hodder<br />
Gross & Co Solicitors<br />
If you need to see a solicitor but don't qualify for legal aid,<br />
then pared down straight talking is what you need<br />
Elizabeth Hodder is a Solicitor,<br />
Collaborative Lawyer, Partner and<br />
Head of the Family Law<br />
Department at Gross & Co in Bury<br />
St Edmunds, Suffolk.<br />
She sees clients from all walks of life<br />
including:- Doctors, Dentists, Vets,<br />
Solicitors, Bankers, Accountants,<br />
Teachers, Farmers, Police Officers, Prison<br />
Officers, Grandparents.<br />
As well as members (serving and retired)<br />
of HM Forces, Financial Advisors, Small<br />
Business Owners and<br />
throughout England and abroad.<br />
Elizabeth also acts for a large number of<br />
expatriates whose domicile may or may<br />
not be in the UK, but who have issues<br />
which need to be resolved in the English<br />
Courts.<br />
About Elizabeth:<br />
Elizabeth has practised as a Solicitor in<br />
Bury St. Edmunds since qualifying in<br />
1984 and has been actively involved in<br />
the local community over the years in<br />
may roles including : Trustee of the<br />
Bury St Edmunds Citizens Advice<br />
Bureau Trustee of Relate (formerly<br />
West Suffolk Marriage Guidance)<br />
Director of Women’s Aid. Trustee of<br />
Meningioma UK (a registered charity<br />
providing support and information for<br />
people with a rare form of brain<br />
tumour)<br />
In her spare time, which she admits is<br />
scant, she enjoys many sports and<br />
activities including going to the gym;<br />
pilates; tennis; cycling; walking;<br />
looking after my allotment.<br />
Elizabeth Hodder<br />
Gross & Co<br />
83-84 Guildhall St, Bury Saint<br />
Edmunds IP33 1LN<br />
Tel: 01284 763333<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible
Specialisations:<br />
Financial settlements, Living Together<br />
Agreements Contact/Residence of children<br />
Cases involving a foreign or international<br />
element with assets in the UK or abroad<br />
www.gross.co.uk<br />
Editor's note:<br />
Elizabeth was my divorce lawyer. I had<br />
a strong need to get out of the<br />
marriage as soon as possible and<br />
chose to divorce without looking at<br />
child arrangements and financial<br />
matters. As a result of that I was<br />
divorced within 4 months and acted as<br />
a litigant in person for children and<br />
financial.<br />
This isn't a step for everyone but I<br />
needed to free myself from the control<br />
as soon as I could as I felt suffocated.<br />
Elizabeth made it happen.<br />
MG<br />
<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible