Singletrack

WORDS CHARLIE THE BIKEMONGER
ROOM 101
Every issue we highlight some of those niggly aspects of being a mountain biker. Our
resident judge considers the evidence for and against each case. Often, a part of mountain
biking that we’ve never noticed infuriating us is brought into focus, judged, and then cast
into Room 101 along with top tube frame pads, purple anodising and mountain bike aero
bars. And other times, the plaintiff is simply told to get a life and stop whining…
Our guest Judge this issue is once again the saviour of steel, singlespeeds and anything
quirky. He is Charlie the Bikemonger. Bike shop owner, bum-butter purveyor and larger
than life character.
The Uncivilised Few
John Lloyd
There is a famous quote from one P. Martin Scott that goes:
“Bicycles are the indicator species of a community, like
shellfish in a bay.” The analogy being that a community
complete with many cyclists is happier and healthier than
one without. This is backed up by almost all research on the
subject. Widespread cycling makes the population healthier,
the roads safer, reduces pollution, increases mobility, and
lowers the cost of transportation infrastructure.
But on a more personal level, cycling has the capability
to create a stronger community – it reduces stress, social
interaction is increased, strong and lasting friendships are
formed. Cyclists are friendly people; the natural camaraderie
between people with bicycles has enormous benefits to both
society and the individual. Cycling is civilised, cycling is
sensible, and cycling should be promoted.
And yet, as with most human activities, the enjoyment
of the majority is tarnished by a small number of people.
People who don’t follow the rules of the road, and might not
recognise the kindred spirit of other people on bicycles. We
have all seen them cycling on pavements, ignoring the traffic
management systems and putting themselves and others at
needless risk. These uncivilised cyclists who force their way
through pedestrian traffic, choose not to avail themselves of
high visibility clothing or safety gear and show little respect to
other people – they are one of the reasons why bicycle traffic is
not always given the respect it deserves.
If all cyclists were civilised (and welcomed), then
communities would benefit, transportation systems would
benefit, and individual people would benefit.
I argue, therefore, that uncivilised cyclists be consigned to
Room 101.
Charlie says:
I could not agree more that cycling makes for a lovely
community of well-dressed gentlemen and ladies, going
about their daily lives in a charming and civilised way. This is
entirely true in many places. However, one of those places is
not Boscombe (insert your own crappy neighbourhood here).
For it is here that we can witness the freedom and opportunity
the bicycle gives to what one might describe as a cad, bounder,
stinker, damned rotter or ****ing dick. He cannot only make
swift getaways, and midnight pickups are a breeze, but he can
also impress pregnant 15-year-olds with his wheelies.
I would argue the population of curb-hopping, lightjumping,
weed-dealing, kids wearing hoodies not helmets is
much greater than that of the civilised cycling community. Is
it us, the well-behaved cyclists who are in the minority? Are
we the odd ones out? Are we making Kyle, the spotty hoodie
on his stolen Carrera with no rear brake and no seatpost, look
bad?
No, we are not. But uncivilised cycling cannot go to
Room 101. For, you see, it is the uncivilised cyclist who takes
chances, hucks big drops, pulls impressive wheelies… who
eventually becomes a world-class downhiller. Every society
going all the way back to the beginning of time needs the
unruly ones to fight the mammoths, jump the cliffs, wrestle
the bears. Yes, they might get eaten, and make the rest of the
tribe cringe… Actually, sod it, yes, uncivilised cyclists can go
to Room 101, and you can carry the consequences of the derad-ening
of the cycling world. Can you handle that? The next
world cup downhill race will be on folding commuter bikes,
with gentlemen accoutred in tweed suits.
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