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Scottish trail fashion has peaked.<br />

“Wil, you’re an idiot!”<br />

A plan was hatched with Antipodean Wil, still new to this<br />

parish and keen to tackle a proper Scottish mountain. It was<br />

all going swimmingly right up to the point at which his skill<br />

set proved to be more Ian McCaskill than Danny MacAskill<br />

and he managed to dislocate his shoulder on the blue route<br />

at Glentress. Doh! Fortunately, my good friend Dave the<br />

Bastard (don’t ask me – all I know is that it comes from a case<br />

of mistaken identity at university) gamefully stepped in with a<br />

bonzer idea. “Why don’t we go up Ben Venue? It was the very<br />

first mountain I ever rode in 1993 on my mountain bike.”<br />

We were back in business.<br />

Enter the dragon (aka the midge, Scotland’s<br />

national bird).<br />

For those who don’t know, Ben Venue is something of a<br />

picture postcard, properly pointy mountain located within<br />

easy reach of the second city of the Empire, Glasgow, with<br />

breathtaking views in all directions (unless you manage to<br />

pick the slightly dreich day we did). It’s not enormously high,<br />

but what it lacks in scale it more than makes up for in terms<br />

of grandeur and that all important element of being close<br />

to a bloody good café or two. A recent walk up it with my<br />

daughter revealed that the trail fairies had been hard at work<br />

and the previous bog-fest ascent from Loch Achray had been<br />

greatly improved. Without map in hand (I left it on the coffee<br />

table at home like a prize plum), Dave and I set off from the<br />

car park keen to see if distance and the passage of time had<br />

lent enchantment.<br />

As befits a Scottish mountain day, the midges came out<br />

in force to cheer us on our way – the little shits! Even with a<br />

midge net, the wee bastards were getting through and feasting<br />

on the all-you-can-eat Yorkshire buffet that was Dave. Rather<br />

smugly I had remembered to cover myself in industrial<br />

quantities of Smidge pre-ride – not so Dave. Well done me.<br />

With nary a breath of wind, we set off at haste up through the<br />

well-built woodland trail that would take us to the base of the<br />

mountain. A mix of coniferous and deciduous trees abounded,<br />

each turn affording us a tantalising glimpse of our target<br />

through the verdant canopy. Hardpack turned to boardwalk<br />

turned to minor back road as we left the midges behind and<br />

started to properly enjoy the ride. The lack of map proved not<br />

to be an issue – the route being well signposted. A brief stop<br />

at the obligatory bridge over waterfall and we were soon into<br />

the climb proper.<br />

With this being a step back to the future for Dave, we<br />

(being me, Dictator Sanny) decided that he should ride my<br />

long-term test bike, a Cannondale Fat CAAD 1 resplendent<br />

with Lefty fork, 4.8 inch tyres and a dropper post. It was a<br />

far cry from his then cutting edge Marin Pine Mountain, a<br />

fully rigid vision in chromoly and purple. Given that he was<br />

revisiting an old friend, it seemed appropriate to do it while<br />

taking advantage of the latest technology just as he did in ’93.<br />

“So what do you remember of your last trip here?” I<br />

asked as we cleared the treeline on a path that rose inexorably<br />

upwards into the heavy clouds above. “It was my first proper<br />

ride on my new bike,” replied Dave.<br />

135

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