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How can we avoid writing clunky dialogue? You would have to analyze what exactly is “clunkiness.” There are going to be some very simple steps—dialogue is clunky if just has too many words. If it’s taking more words than necessary for the character to express outwardly in dialogue what they are trying to do inwardly in action. It can become clunky because they are using multi-syllabic or poly-syllabic words when a one or twosyllable world will do the same. For example, I have a pet peeve with people who use the word “utilize.” “Utilize” is a three-syllable word when the one-syllable word “use” will always substitute. There is no case in which someone uses the word “utilize” in which you couldn’t substitute the word “use.” So they use three syllables when one would do. But I know why they do that, because “utilize’ sounds important. When people want to sound intelligent they add syllables to words and words to sentences and sentences to speeches, they just talk more. The cure for clunkiness is just a matter of economy and brevity in terms of the number of words you use and the quality of the words you use. Are there any strategies to rewrite dialogue that is on the nose? That goes back to what we were talking about before. On the nose dialogue is dialogue without a subtext. Of course people try to say out loud what they are fully thinking or talking. Of course they make an effort to speak on the nose. You can write dialogue in which people are trying to say exactly what they are thinking and feeling. I gave that example of somebody with their psychiatrist—the patient does everything they can to say on the nose what they are thinking and feeling to try to help the psychiatrist to understand them. They are not holding anything back; they are paying the psychologist very good money to help them understand themselves. They are being as outwardly honest and frank as they possibly can be. And what’s the psychologist doing? Taking notes. And what’s in those notes? What the patient is not saying. A psychologist is not a stenographer. A psychologist is someone who is trained to look through the on the nose expression of their patients to realize what’s really going on in their subconscious mind and why there is a disconnect between what they think they do in life and what they really do in life. It’s not as if you can’t write on the nose. If it’s appropriate for the character to say out loud what they are really thinking and feeling, then fine. But there always is a subtext underneath that. And that’s what keeps on the nose writing from seeming on the nose. The ideal of all dialogue is that it is a transparency, that no matter how long a character tries to say out loud what they are exactly thinking and feeling, the audience’s eye travels through the surface of the scene to the real thoughts, even subconscious thoughts and feelings that are going on underneath what the character is saying. That’s what’s the audience finds captivating—they know what’s really going on inside the character better than the character. 56
From November 9th - 12th, Robert McKee returns to his favourite city to deliver the legendary STORY Seminar and acclaimed LOVE STORY Day. LONDON - REGENT’S UNIVERSITY INNER CIRCLE, REGENT’S PARK NW1 4NS Learn More at MCKEESTORY.COM “Presented with such urgency and power, Robert McKee teaches us about life, death and the human heart.” “The most innuential storytelling theorist since Aristotle.” “The Ultimate Master.” “McKee teaches what is not yet taught. He shines his unwavering analytical light on the structure and invisible substructure of dialogue. He takes a craft that is often considered instinctual or magical and reveals its chemical secrets.” TERRY JOHNSON Writer/Director Winner of the Tony Award, Olivier Award, Critics’ Circle Theater Award, and Writers Guild Award. Available on
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WELCOME To the London Screenwriters
Page 5 and 6: GETTING THERE The London Screenwrit
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Page 15 and 16: SPEAKERS LEGENDS CHRISTOPHER VOGLER
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