The Good Life – July-August 2017

MR. FULL-TIME DAD
The Toddler Diet Revolution
Get Your Beach Body by Summer's End
BY: BEN HANSON – MR. FULL-TIME DAD • PHOTO BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA
Any stay-at-home parent will attest, not a day goes
by without learning something new about your child,
yourself or the greater experience of life. My son, Macklin,
turns two in late July, and already he’s taught me valuable
lessons about humility, love, creativity … even the actual
process of learning itself. Somewhere along the line,
he also apparently signed a lifetime contract to teach a
master class on patience. It’s a pass/fail class that I had no
business signing up for.
Not all lessons are quite so lofty. Often, I simply end the
day with a better understanding of how to clean yogurt off
the dining room wall. That was just yesterday, in fact. I was
feeling pretty confident in my yogurt cleaning abilities, but
Mack thought otherwise and gave me yet another chance
to get it right.
As I was scrubbing, another light bulb went off. Perhaps
this isn’t a cleaning lesson at all. Maybe I’ve been looking
at this wall of yogurt all wrong. And it hit me. Mack’s
immensely frustrating bedside manner (at the dinner
table) is actually a pretty clever, five-part diet plan.
I took a step back and ran through our typical mealtime
scenarios in my head. It was all there — calorie reduction,
gastrointestinal maintenance, even stress control. I
10 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com
thought about calling Oprah immediately, but figured it might
be too early in the process. What I need are a few real-life
case studies to validate this toddler diet revolution.
So, good news for you. I realize the summer of 2017 is
already half over — the longest day of the year is now in the
rearview — but there’s still plenty of bathing suit season left
to make one last push toward attaining a beach body worthy
of a double-take. Use these tips, report back and let’s get (me)
rich!
Fling Your Plate Across the Room
At the outset of any new endeavor, it’s good to keep things
simple. Thus, step one of the Toddler Diet Revolution (yes,
I’ve since trademarked it) is simply to throw all of your food
directly on the floor. You’re allowed one … maybe two bites,
but seriously, fatty, that’s it. And if you’re an adult that still
drinks cow milk, throw that on the floor, too, then use your
newfound free time to deconstruct the idea of drinking cow
milk.
Poop Whilst Eating
Step two requires a little more effort. Maybe even a grunt or
two. The concept, however, remains simple. You’ve probably
heard about the concept of “calories in/calories out,” but
that brings exercise into the mix, which I will assure you