The Ultimate Body Language Book

when people suffer from illness personal grooming is the first aspect to go. When minds are busy with
more pressing matters it shoves looking good aside. Homeless people and the severely depressed will
wear un-kept hair, dirty clothing and ignore showering. They will lie around for hours on end but when
they do finally take foot, their posture will be slumped, shoulders rolled inward, torsos bent at the waste
and their head will droop as if they carry the “weight of the world upon their shoulders.” They will
succumb to the forces of gravity rather than defy it such as what we see with the exuberant who seem
to have a “bounce in their step.” This is why it is so vitally important to keep a well cared for
appearance to signal to others that we have proper mental health. A lot can be surmised about a person
from wearing torn and soiled clothing, especially in public. Like manners, preening tells others that we
respect their thoughts and opinions, and that we wish to belong to a functioning society.
Preening can be a good thing as described above, but done inappropriately can be seen as rude. Picking
lint so as to detach oneself from a conversation is one such way. When grooming is done in this way it
dissociates a person from a conversation by removing agreement indicators, eye contact and
attachment. Another happens by removing dirt from under the nails, clipping them in public or other
more unmentionable grooming rituals, which are unsightly and a turn off. However, preening such as
adjusting a necktie, fixing the hair, smoothing clothing or applying lipstick done in a courtship setting,
indicates interest and a desire to impress in a positive way. When preening is performed on someone
else, it shows a desire to be close. This is done when mothers clean their child’s dirty hands and when
lovers catch a piece of food that has missed their partner’s mouth.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Summary – Chapter 2
In this second chapter we have solidified our nonverbal foundation with the five cardinal rules of body
language. First we covered the five basic rules of body language: the rule-of-four, congruence, context,
baselining and intuition and perception. The ‘rule-of-four’ says that we need at least four independent,
but related signals to reliably read someone whereas congruence says that we should pay particular
attention when verbal language and nonverbal language do not match. Context on the other hand, says
that we must be mindful of where and how cues develop since they could be confused with other
variables and might mean something totally different or nothing at all. Baselining refers to the need to
measure a person over time and in different situations before we can accurately predict their nonverbal
meaning with any accuracy. The final rule says that we need to be conscious about intuition and
perception so we don’t project meaning onto situations based on pre-conceived beliefs. We also
covered how the feet are the most honest part of the body, and that coupled with putting presidency on
negative body language over positive body language, we will have a greater success rate in reading
people accurately.
Aside from these rules we looked at the flow of silent speech, how body language can be less confusing
than verbal language, the differences between men and women, how women intuitively read body
language and how age affects body language. We also discussed the importance that alpha’s, or leaders
play in our lives and how we are either creating social norms (leading) or we are following them, how
posture portrays confidence, the importance of ‘haptics’ or touch, in addition to body language as it
relates to energy displacement and finally the meaning of fashion and preening.