The Ultimate Body Language Book

fact there is a class of body language that is much more reliable than another, and it has to do with the
intended meaning of the message rather than specific cues or body parts. Given the choice between
“positive” and “negative” messages, we should always rely on the negative nonverbal body language
first. This is true irrespective of where it is found, be it in the face, arms, hands, legs, feet, torso or
whatever.
It is negative body language that tells us a person’s true thoughts because society requires people to act
positively even when things aren’t going well. We are told throughout our life to “Turn that frown
upside down”, “Wipe that look off our faces” and “Smile for the camera” even when positive thoughts
are the furthest from our mind. Eventually, we get very good at masking negative emotions especially
in our faces, yet deep down the subconscious mind leaks other negative body language from various
parts of our body. Negative body language happens precisely because we don’t want it to happen; we
don’t want people to know we are upset, scared, bored, timid or in disagreement. These negative
feelings can be damaging to ourselves or to others around us so we generally mask them to keep them
to ourselves. In the long run, positive body language is desirable so it is quickly learned, and then
brushed over the canvas of our faces, while the underlying negativity just barely shows through. We
mask negative body language so we don’t appear rude or insensitive or even frail, scared or at a
disadvantage.
Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game
– hard-to-get!
You can imagine that someone who is bored with us will still smile and nod during our conversation,
yet their body will orient toward the doorway while making covert looks to their wrist watch.
Obviously, it is the negative language that is telling us that they are bored and we should ignore the
facial cover-up that is going on. Likewise, happiness cues mixed with cues of anxiety such as gripping
the arms or hands tightly indicates that a person is probably more unhappy and stressed rather than the
reverse. What do we make of a person who enthusiastically leans forward putting out his hand to shake,
then clenches his jaw tightly while saying how nice it is to finally be united once again? Chances are
pretty good that your long lost friend has some negative issues with you and that he’s not so happy to
be in your presence. Along with negative nonverbal body language as true honest indicators of feelings,
recall initial reactions, over reactions that follow, as more genuine. Honest gestures happen quickly,