The Ultimate Body Language Book
It is not all that surprising that our feet go unnoticed. Our faces are complicated and at times expressive, even though we quickly learn to hide our emotions so as to deceive others. We learn early enough that when cameras are shoved in our faces, to smile, even though we have nothing to smile about or to “turn that frown upside down” when we are in a bad mood. Naturally we get good at feigning emotions with our “poker faces.” Yet throughout the years, our feet pass under the radar, tucked under tables, hidden under clothing and shoes to do menial tasks like bring us from point A to point B and back again. Our feet and legs can display boredom through repetitive motions, joy by lifting the body up and down, fear by being tucked under a chair, depression by laying lazily or motionless and sensuality by being uncovered and flaunted. The list goes on. As you read this book pay particular attention to foot and leg language which is peppered throughout, as these will be cues that indicate true hidden meaning and emotions that is much more reliable than other body language cues. Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language Negative Body Language Is Usually More Honest It looks like the conversation is going well, but she is gripping her arms showing negative thoughts. When reading people we often get mixed messages. People’s faces appear genuine and honest, they show concern, fear, disgust, or happiness but their bodies sometimes show something else altogether. So how should we handle detecting different messages emanating from various parts of the body at the same time? Because people often “put on a mask” as they walk through life, and because we spend so much time focusing on the face, we learn early on to control our facial expressions. This makes the face a particularly bad place to rely on when really trying to weed through mixed signals. What if the “honest feet” as just discussed, conflict with messages delivered by the arms, hands and legs? Should we just rely on the feet and concentrate on nothing else, or is there some rhyme to the reason? In actual
fact there is a class of body language that is much more reliable than another, and it has to do with the intended meaning of the message rather than specific cues or body parts. Given the choice between “positive” and “negative” messages, we should always rely on the negative nonverbal body language first. This is true irrespective of where it is found, be it in the face, arms, hands, legs, feet, torso or whatever. It is negative body language that tells us a person’s true thoughts because society requires people to act positively even when things aren’t going well. We are told throughout our life to “Turn that frown upside down”, “Wipe that look off our faces” and “Smile for the camera” even when positive thoughts are the furthest from our mind. Eventually, we get very good at masking negative emotions especially in our faces, yet deep down the subconscious mind leaks other negative body language from various parts of our body. Negative body language happens precisely because we don’t want it to happen; we don’t want people to know we are upset, scared, bored, timid or in disagreement. These negative feelings can be damaging to ourselves or to others around us so we generally mask them to keep them to ourselves. In the long run, positive body language is desirable so it is quickly learned, and then brushed over the canvas of our faces, while the underlying negativity just barely shows through. We mask negative body language so we don’t appear rude or insensitive or even frail, scared or at a disadvantage. Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game – hard-to-get! You can imagine that someone who is bored with us will still smile and nod during our conversation, yet their body will orient toward the doorway while making covert looks to their wrist watch. Obviously, it is the negative language that is telling us that they are bored and we should ignore the facial cover-up that is going on. Likewise, happiness cues mixed with cues of anxiety such as gripping the arms or hands tightly indicates that a person is probably more unhappy and stressed rather than the reverse. What do we make of a person who enthusiastically leans forward putting out his hand to shake, then clenches his jaw tightly while saying how nice it is to finally be united once again? Chances are pretty good that your long lost friend has some negative issues with you and that he’s not so happy to be in your presence. Along with negative nonverbal body language as true honest indicators of feelings, recall initial reactions, over reactions that follow, as more genuine. Honest gestures happen quickly,
- Page 15 and 16: Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body L
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- Page 19 and 20: and then relate the body language s
- Page 21 and 22: people’s natural desires to pleas
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- Page 27 and 28: to the world around us, and the sti
- Page 29 and 30: pulled across the mouth, but the mu
- Page 31 and 32: after years apart, or when someone
- Page 33 and 34: these class of neurons might be rel
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- Page 37 and 38: keep the conversation going. They
- Page 39 and 40: Subconscious facial expressions can
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- Page 43 and 44: arricades to block ourselves from v
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- Page 47 and 48: accurately judge a person. The rule
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- Page 51 and 52: We regularly place more importance
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- Page 55 and 56: on the spot, and in real time. Chap
- Page 57 and 58: idiosyncrasy. Does this mean that e
- Page 59 and 60: to be compare to a baseline as they
- Page 61 and 62: such as postures and signals or in
- Page 63 and 64: than simple observation. While Wats
- Page 65: Millions of years ago, we gave up q
- Page 69 and 70: speak, by observation and practice.
- Page 71 and 72: Body language makes the intent of a
- Page 73 and 74: We rarely catch women checking men
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- Page 83 and 84: Asymmetrical posture shows a lack o
- Page 85 and 86: 4. Keep your midsection tight to as
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- Page 89 and 90: that create relief. Someone that is
- Page 91 and 92: exercise except in this case the en
- Page 93 and 94: especially as the evening progresse
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- Page 97 and 98: Much debate has been raised about t
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- Page 101 and 102: Chapter 3 - Cultural Differences Em
- Page 103 and 104: This “a-okay” gesture means goo
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- Page 113 and 114: characteristics. It is general in n
- Page 115 and 116: of the speech during conversation.
It is not all that surprising that our feet go unnoticed. Our faces are complicated and at times<br />
expressive, even though we quickly learn to hide our emotions so as to deceive others. We learn early<br />
enough that when cameras are shoved in our faces, to smile, even though we have nothing to smile<br />
about or to “turn that frown upside down” when we are in a bad mood. Naturally we get good at<br />
feigning emotions with our “poker faces.” Yet throughout the years, our feet pass under the radar,<br />
tucked under tables, hidden under clothing and shoes to do menial tasks like bring us from point A to<br />
point B and back again. Our feet and legs can display boredom through repetitive motions, joy by<br />
lifting the body up and down, fear by being tucked under a chair, depression by laying lazily or<br />
motionless and sensuality by being uncovered and flaunted. <strong>The</strong> list goes on.<br />
As you read this book pay particular attention to foot and leg language which is peppered throughout,<br />
as these will be cues that indicate true hidden meaning and emotions that is much more reliable than<br />
other body language cues.<br />
Chapter 2 – <strong>The</strong> Basics Of Understanding <strong>Body</strong> <strong>Language</strong><br />
Negative <strong>Body</strong> <strong>Language</strong> Is Usually More<br />
Honest<br />
It looks like the conversation is going well, but she is gripping her arms showing negative thoughts.<br />
When reading people we often get mixed messages. People’s faces appear genuine and honest, they<br />
show concern, fear, disgust, or happiness but their bodies sometimes show something else altogether.<br />
So how should we handle detecting different messages emanating from various parts of the body at the<br />
same time? Because people often “put on a mask” as they walk through life, and because we spend so<br />
much time focusing on the face, we learn early on to control our facial expressions. This makes the face<br />
a particularly bad place to rely on when really trying to weed through mixed signals. What if the<br />
“honest feet” as just discussed, conflict with messages delivered by the arms, hands and legs? Should<br />
we just rely on the feet and concentrate on nothing else, or is there some rhyme to the reason? In actual
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