The Ultimate Body Language Book

question “Does this dress make me look fat?” does not necessitate an honest answer, and in so doing,
everyone is much happier!
Teachers, principles, lay persons and even intellectuals have been shown to all think similarly in terms
of lie detection, and the body language associated (even if incorrect). Thus to avoid being detected, or
mislabeled a liar (which is worse), we should still avoid displaying stereotypical lying body language
that will serve to give us away. At this point, you should understand my reasoning for presenting this
chapter even if only to slightly help us catch liars. While lying body language may be of some help in
catching a liar, it will help avoid making us appear as though we are lying in the eyes of those around
us. As the studies on beliefs about deception have indicated, there seems to be worldwide agreement on
what constitute cues to deception in others. Therefore, it is these behaviours one should avoid so as not
to appear dishonest. I will add too, that lie detection is not impossible, certain individuals do fair better
than chance alone when detecting lies. However it is with caution that I present this chapter because as
of yet, it is difficult to pin down exactly which cues are used and which cues happen across all people.
Some cues mean deception some of the time, while other times they are simply related to emotional
arousal and stress which can be due to being portrayed inaccurately as a liar, or in response to the
punishment that might be forthcoming. Sometimes it is the worry about being “under the gun” that
causes the stress and therefore the behaviour, and not because of any concern about the telling of a lie.
While this chapter provides cues to emotionality related to lying, it will be up to the reader of the
language to determine the source, be it actual lying or emotions related to being caught.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Why We Lie
Research by Bella DePaulo of the University of Virgina and Deborah Kashy of Texas A & M
University in 1998 found that on average people tell one or two lies daily. The research tells us that
people lie most often about their feelings, preferences, attitudes and opinions and lie less frequently
about their actions, plans and whereabouts presumably because it would be fairly easy to detect these
lies. Lies are also told about achievements and failures. Material gain, personal convenience or
escaping punishment are all fodder for lies but most often, lies are used to gain psychological currency
such as to appear more sophisticated or virtuous. It seems that we take self-presentation, that is, the
way we are perceived seriously. Lying permits us to convey certain roles and personal qualities to
others as we see fit. It’s important to realize the main reasons for lying so that we can be skeptical at the
right moments. It is difficult and perhaps even detrimental to constantly be suspicious of lying. In fact,
letting lies pass detection is often the best thing to do since not all lies are of significance, in fact, most
are not. This strategy doesn’t require you to believe someone’s lies, but it does requiring the ignoring of
certain lies, especially the unimportant ones.
The upside to lying is to protect others from disapproval, to reduce disagreements or to prevent hurting
the feelings of others. Lying is therefore a skill to manage our impressions in light of others. Politicians
present an example we know all to well, as they posture from all sides of every issue to gain the most
support. Another feature of lies is that they often occur from omission where we remove or withhold
information so as to mislead. Incidentally these are the easiest to get away with. When asked about the
effect of lies, most agreed that lying produced little regret and that the lies where of little consequence.
Most reported that they felt bad immediately after telling a lie though, but did not take much time
planning lies or thinking about the consequences. Lying has a dark side too, and these are to hide
actions that would otherwise lead to punishment which can be from cheating to deep betrayals of
intimacy and trust.