The Ultimate Body Language Book

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
How We Prefer To Orient Ourselves When
Standing
Most people would state that standing square, face-to-face was the most honest and trustworthy
position people orient themselves in while speaking with someone, but they would only be half right. In
fact, most Americans stand at forty-five degrees or at oblique angles to one another. Facing someone
dead on, is how boxers square off to one another in the pre-show weigh-in or when two men near
physical contact at a bar. The head on orientation is reserved for confrontation with just one exception.
That is when two people are really comfortable with each other.
In confrontation people get really close to one another and stare into each others eyes as a signal of
dominance. This stance has a basis in escape since it is much easier to exit left or right from a tilted
position rather than one that squares you off to someone else. When we want to exit from a
confrontational stance we need to pivot or shift first which requires more movement and puts is in peril.
However, orienting at oblique angles mutually tells us that we aren’t trying to corner each other, but
when confrontation is not a remote possibility, facing straight-on is a demonstration of extreme comfort
and trust.
Other cultures don’t feel this way. Arabic cultures for example will speak with one another with their
faces nearly touching, which isn’t rare, in fact it happens during normal conversation. Women in
American cultures tolerate such closeness only from another woman. Men who do this to women will
be perceived as sexually interested and be seen to be making a sexual come-on. If not welcomed
closeness will be a threat and turn-off, and in an office situation, should definitely be avoided.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
The Types Of Handshakes
“Pressing the flesh” or handshakes are a very important ritualized greeting gesture that has gained
worldwide popularity. How someone presents their hand during a handshake tells us a lot about how
they see their relationship with us. There are three main palm orientations that can occur during
handshakes. They are palm down (dominance or superiority), palm up (submissiveness) and palm even
(equality). A palm down orientation emphasizes that a person wishes to control and dominant by taking
the upper position forcing the other person’s palm down into a subordinate position. The palm down
orientation is similar to placing the hand on the shoulder, which a boss might do to an intern to keep
him in his place or a father might do to his son to settle him down. Conversely, the palm up offering
shows a desire to submit since the hand is passively turned over allowing someone else to dominate
them. Finally, the palm even or vertical is an attempt to build a cooperative, egalitarian relationship and
shows a desire to produce a positive relationship.
The most universally appropriate orientation for the handshake is to have palms even and vertical,
especially on a first meeting. Handshakes set the tone for the rest of the relationship though, and are
often the only time two people will ever touch, so sometimes we might use alternate orientations
depending on the goals we seek. A palm down technique can be used against a more subordinate
individual to keep them in their place, and due to their lower rank, would tolerate it, perhaps even