The Ultimate Body Language Book

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Who Is In Charge Of Mirroring?
An employee enters his boss’s office as he has called a meeting to discuss the possibility of a pay raise.
The employee sits down and raises his case. He has been there for several years and feels that he is due
for some form of compensation for his loyalty. As he states his case, the subordinate employee
appropriately mirrors his boss’s subtle nuances, he touches his face when he does and fixes his hair, and
leans forward when he does. As the employee hits on a particularly sensitive issue, his overtime
commitment, which the boss has been firm about being nearly mandatory for the position, the boss
quickly moves back into a full body steeple by leaning back with his hands locked behind his head and
crosses his legs in a figure four. What should the employee do? The answer is simple, he should
concede this stance to his boss as its obvious through his body language that he’s not willing to let this
issue slide. When it comes to mirroring, it is always best to use it for rapport building, and not to
induce hostility. The boss wins when it comes to dominance and should the employee mirror his
steeple, would suffer, perhaps not immediately but at a subconscious level this body language will
grind on his boss. Eventually, and if repeated with consistency, the boss would sense something wasn’t
right which might lead to even worse hours or job details. The boss would only perceive his negative
feelings about his employee as “dislike” or that “something isn’t quite right.” If the goal was to usurp
his position and take his job, the employee might consider mirroring his stance to set an air of equality
or superiority. Similarly, two high ranking individuals should mirror each other to signal that they hold
similar power and won’t be easily pushed over.
A dominant person always has more choice when it comes to mirroring than less dominant people. A
boss that wants to build rapport with his employee can acceptably let his guard down and mirror his
actions. This can be particularly handy when the goal is to welcome a new worker whom is particularly
tense or nervous. The boss should still refrain from picking up nervous cues, but he should feel
welcome to mirror any other gesture. Therefore, when considering the use of mirroring, it is important
to note the relative status in the hierarchy. The rule of thumb is that the most dominant individual calls
the shots in mirroring, and so long as gestures aren’t dominant displays, others should feel free to
follow to successfully build rapport.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Who Mirrors More, Men Or Women?
Research conducted in 1981 by researcher Marianne La France out of Boston College found that
women are much more likely to mirror others than men, and the more feminine the women the greater
their mirroring. This isn’t surprising at all given the nature of mirroring. As we have covered thus far,
mirroring is a form of empathy and rapport building. Mirroring is also a form of submission because
one person must initiate positions first, and the other must follow. Women are nurtures by nature and so
tend to want to build relationships, one of the tools they use more proficiently is mirroring.
Further research suggests that men are four times less likely to mirror other men, than women are to
mirror another woman. Women have also been found to frequently mirror men, whereas men rarely, or
only reluctantly, mirror other women, with only one exception, that being during courtship. The reason
for this lies in Erno Herman’s research with Leiden University in Netherlands who in 2006 discovered
that the administration of testosterone to subjects reduced empathetic behavior through facial mimicry.