The Ultimate Body Language Book

there was no overlap in the price with which the seller was willing to accept and of which the buyer
was willing to pay, making the negotiation more than about price alone. Some key outside factors that
played into the negotiation was that the seller was keen to leave quickly to travel caused by burnout
from running the gas station, but that upon his return he would require employment from the purchaser
to recover some of his expenses. This was compatible with the interests of the buyer who wanted to
hire managers to run the station in the future. The deal hinged upon the desire of the seller to divulge
this information and to what degree, if any, either party would drop or raise their closing price. Not
surprisingly, ten of fifteen groups where buyers were instructed to mirror led to an acceptable deal,
whereas only two of sixteen reached a deal where the buyer did not. They also cross referenced the
level of mirroring with deal success and found that as mirroring increased, so too did deal making. As a
positive side effect, trust also increased with mirroring.
It’s obvious from these studies that mirroring can have a profound positive effect on negotiations. They
can open the channels of communication and release valuable information between parties resulting in
creation of value, deal making and trust. When no mirroring happens, deal making suffers, but when
mirroring happens both parties stand to benefit.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Using Mirroring In Negotiations
Negotiation finds itself in all walks of life. Even small children know that negotiation is important as
they work to secure toys and privileges from parents and other children, although sometimes they
revert to brute force and temper tantrums! Adults focus on bigger ideas, and negotiate for jobs, salaries
and sales. Part of your occupation likely involves some form of negotiation on a daily basis but even if
it doesn’t, most people find that negotiation finds itself in their personal lives as well, if not just to
secure a better deal on a mattress or a watch at the hockshop.
We soon learn that our ability to influence, persuade, and interact with others play a large role in the
final outcome and within this social game are liking, trust and therefore rapport. He who can control
these factors best, will secure the large piece of the pie! Negotiations can be stressful affairs because
we are almost dealing with a limited resource in some respect or another and this increasing the
propensity for competition. It is the element of competition that further breeds distrust and conflict.
Having methods to dilute these negative elements are of vital importance.
One of the key factors in negotiations is the desire to withhold information especially as it applies to
more novice deal makers. We naturally expect deception and competition in deal making and so we
prepare for the worst, but in actual fact, this preconception leads us to destroy the odds of coming out
of the affair on the upside. Rather, research shows that it is the sharing of information that creates
cooperation, builds trust, and influence others such that they see your side and empathize with you.
Ultimately this empathy is what leads to positive outcomes for both parties, within the limits of
constructive possibilities for both parties, of course. When negotiating, we must still balance
cooperation and information sharing within the realms of the game such that we don’t give up too
much information or reveal the outer limits that we are prepared to submit as loses to our negotiating
partner. But this does not mean we shouldn’t be upfront about our net positions, as there is always a
possibility that both parties can find mutual benefit, but if neither party shares information, how would
anyone know what is at stake?
This brings us to mirroring as an effective tool to bring negotiators quickly onto the same page without
using risky or damaging dialogue. In a 2008 study by Maddux and colleagues individual negotiators in