The Ultimate Body Language Book

[D] Keeping the legs uncrossed.
[E] Gesturing with the hands similarly.
[F] Drinking in unison or holding drinks with the same hand.
[G] Placing both hands, or just one hand, on the hips.
[H] Leaning in, or leaning out.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Using Mirroring In Negotiations
Negotiation finds itself in all walks of life. Even small children know that negotiation is important as
they work to secure toys and privileges from parents and other children, although sometimes they
revert to brute force and temper tantrums! Adults focus on bigger ideas, and negotiate for jobs, salaries
and sales. Part of your occupation likely involves some form of negotiation on a daily basis but even if
it doesn’t, most people find that negotiation finds itself in their personal lives as well, if not just to
secure a better deal on a mattress or a watch at the hockshop.
We soon learn that our ability to influence, persuade, and interact with others play a large role in the
final outcome and within this social game are liking, trust and therefore rapport. He who can control
these factors best, will secure the large piece of the pie! Negotiations can be stressful affairs because
we are almost dealing with a limited resource in some respect or another and this increasing the
propensity for competition. It is the element of competition that further breeds distrust and conflict.
Having methods to dilute these negative elements are of vital importance.
One of the key factors in negotiations is the desire to withhold information especially as it applies to
more novice deal makers. We naturally expect deception and competition in deal making and so we
prepare for the worst, but in actual fact, this preconception leads us to destroy the odds of coming out
of the affair on the upside. Rather, research shows that it is the sharing of information that creates
cooperation, builds trust, and influence others such that they see your side and empathize with you.
Ultimately this empathy is what leads to positive outcomes for both parties, within the limits of
constructive possibilities for both parties, of course. When negotiating, we must still balance
cooperation and information sharing within the realms of the game such that we don’t give up too
much information or reveal the outer limits that we are prepared to submit as loses to our negotiating
partner. But this does not mean we shouldn’t be upfront about our net positions, as there is always a
possibility that both parties can find mutual benefit, but if neither party shares information, how would
anyone know what is at stake?
This brings us to mirroring as an effective tool to bring negotiators quickly onto the same page without
using risky or damaging dialogue. In a 2008 study by Maddux and colleagues individual negotiators in
an imagined negotiation scenario where instructed to subtly mirror the actions of the other. It was found
that mirroring helped them secure a better outcome and allowed them to perform better as a whole than
negotiators who were instructed to focus more on their own strategy and where no mention of
mirroring was given. The subjects that mirrored in this experiment created more value for themselves
under the parameter of the study and that benefit did not come at the expense of their opponents. The
study suggests that mirroring creates more information sharing which lead to a greater ability to bend
on concessions and hence formulate more positive outcomes for each party.
In their second study, they used two groups once again. One was instructed to mirror and the other was
instructed to use their own strategy. In this case however, the subjects either acted as a buyer or seller
and they were negotiating the purchase of a gas station. In the scenario, which was cleverly devised,