The Ultimate Body Language Book
one party wishes to submit. We concluded with a list of additional emotional body language. Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport Introduction – Chapter 12 When people “jive,” they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking. Mirroring or “isopraxis” is as important to lifelong friends as to strangers meeting for the first time, since mirroring is a way to test and maintain the level of rapport being established between two people or groups of people. Mirroring as it applies to nonverbal communication describes body postures, body positions and gestures that are held in unison or echoed a few seconds later, across people as they interacting. When full mirroring appears it is as if each person is looking into the mirror and seeing their reflection. When full mirroring happens, it indicates a high level or rapport, or connectivity between people. We mirror as a form of bonding with one another, and it happens without our conscious awareness. In fact, mirroring is difficult to carry out in a natural way at a conscious level as we will see in this chapter. The evolutionary origins of mirroring might stem from imitative learning, where gestures and movements or skills are passed from one person to another. Children learn to imitate our facial expressions and quickly graduate to imitating our body positions, and then later they imitate us as we carry out tasks. If you’ve even driven with a youngster, you’ve watched them pretend to drive with their arms up, rocking the wheel left and right, or working the stick shift. Imitation has been said to be the greatest form of flattery and in mirroring this is the case. In ancient times, mirroring would have created group cohesion and identity. Sports groups, riot officers, firemen, and a myriad of occupations all wear the same uniform. It is this dress that formulates the beginnings of the behaviour that eventually leads to a group’s ability to functioning in unison. Imagine if policemen all showed up in different dress and tried to control a crowd. To the rioters, they would seem as if they were rogue rioters themselves which would only exacerbate the problem. The rioters
would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would only lead to additional chaos. However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress and comportment. They wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front. The uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. The results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. The uniform, because of mirroring and rapport, provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not. This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. The rioters escalate their terror for the same reason. They are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar behaviour. Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation. Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses. Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind! Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others either. This is covered in the pages to follow.
- Page 385 and 386: Extreme anxiety causes the desire t
- Page 387 and 388: Clenching and gripping can have man
- Page 389 and 390: A hand-to-mouth gesture used to pla
- Page 391 and 392: Tugging at the ears helps distract
- Page 393 and 394: is also in effort to self sooth. Wi
- Page 395 and 396: indicate confrontation due to anger
- Page 397 and 398: as the fingers stroke the inside of
- Page 399 and 400: need to mouth it, and yet it, so as
- Page 401 and 402: When the mouth becomes inverted in
- Page 403 and 404: Pushing the tongue through compress
- Page 405 and 406: Sneering often happens as a microex
- Page 407 and 408: The ear grab refers to a subconscio
- Page 409 and 410: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 411 and 412: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 413 and 414: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 415 and 416: Itchy nose or does this mean someth
- Page 417 and 418: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 419 and 420: aggressive with their gestures and
- Page 421 and 422: These legs are interested - note ho
- Page 423 and 424: where the toe is facing down, but t
- Page 425 and 426: useful skill in reading people. Bei
- Page 427 and 428: Happiness. Happiness (smile): The g
- Page 429 and 430: __________ Ever thought about why o
- Page 431 and 432: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 433 and 434: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 435: Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Languag
- Page 439 and 440: mimicry of postures, mannerisms, fa
- Page 441 and 442: [D] Keeping the legs uncrossed. [E]
- Page 443 and 444: an imagined negotiation scenario wh
- Page 445 and 446: loose situation where one person wi
- Page 447 and 448: dialect, speech rate or tempo, pitc
- Page 449 and 450: Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building
- Page 451 and 452: undetected lest it cause irreversib
- Page 453 and 454: although it can be helpful to women
- Page 455 and 456: Some men are naturals - the rest of
- Page 457 and 458: ‘Accidental touching’ is a subt
- Page 459 and 460: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals The
- Page 461 and 462: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals She
- Page 463 and 464: The “hands on hips” or hands
- Page 465 and 466: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals Tibi
- Page 467 and 468: The Forehead Bow, Smiling And Child
- Page 469 and 470: Tickling and other play related act
- Page 471 and 472: Shoulder shrugs make the outline of
- Page 473 and 474: parts aren’t inherently sexy on t
- Page 475 and 476: Hair tossing is done by women to sh
- Page 477 and 478: also tend to carry low hip-to-waist
- Page 479 and 480: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals Groo
- Page 481 and 482: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals The
- Page 483 and 484: Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals Hiki
- Page 485 and 486: correlate it back to their fertilit
would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would<br />
only lead to additional chaos.<br />
However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress<br />
and comportment. <strong>The</strong>y wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front.<br />
<strong>The</strong> uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was<br />
able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could<br />
adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he<br />
could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. <strong>The</strong><br />
results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be<br />
tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be<br />
initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. <strong>The</strong> uniform, because of mirroring and rapport,<br />
provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not.<br />
This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of<br />
behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion<br />
and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are<br />
in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. <strong>The</strong> rioters escalate<br />
their terror for the same reason. <strong>The</strong>y are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar<br />
behaviour.<br />
Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in<br />
every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing<br />
with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to<br />
right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the<br />
music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the<br />
same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep<br />
that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound<br />
quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row<br />
of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a<br />
bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We<br />
compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates<br />
social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation.<br />
Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar<br />
places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has<br />
a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even<br />
if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of<br />
friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in<br />
unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect<br />
in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin<br />
sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses.<br />
Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear<br />
sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential<br />
suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family<br />
together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how<br />
we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind!<br />
Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others<br />
either. This is covered in the pages to follow.