The Ultimate Body Language Book

them from rejection. As you see, objects are sometimes used as crutches and at the same time indicated
to us as body language readers that a person is uncomfortable standing by themselves. In other words,
it tells us that they are worried that they might suffer an emotional attack so they limit their exposure.
People can use chairs, lean against a bar as discussed, a beam, a table, or might simply use objects like
mugs or cups, or even pens and utensils which can figuratively represent make-shift weapons.
Obviously pens would never be drawn, so to speak, as a weapon, but they still offer a psychologically
comforting mechanism.
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
How To Use Barriers To Your Advantage
Objects can be erected to deflect emotional attacks.
My wife frequently uses headphones in public places to avoid talking to strangers even if she isn’t
playing music into them. If strangers come up to her, she points to her headphones as if to say that she
can’t hear them. If she was really interested in a conversation, or minding other people’s business, she
could remove them, but her point is that she isn’t. Headphones are therefore a strong message of
introversion of which we wish not to be bothered. If a person strongly insists on interacting with her,
she takes a long time to remove her headphones and accompanies it with irritated body language. She
might even only partially listen to the person who has infringed on her privacy, although this is an
advanced technique, before placing the headphones back on.
Now you might think that she’s being rude, but this is far from the case. She, like you, and everyone
else, has the right to refuse to speak to whomever we please. We each owe no service to anyone else,
especially interactions that were not mutually invited. Lack of eye contact in this case is a big factor in
the right to refuse to interact. Dark eye glasses can close people out even more successfully, because it
avoids accidental eye contact. Eye glasses make conversations shorter and less productive than one’s
that occur when the eyes are exposed. Obviously, if we wish to welcome and continue a conversation
or increase its effectiveness, we should promptly remove our sunglasses, even in really sunny