The Ultimate Body Language Book

oth be made more healthy just by sharing touch. In a study by Dr. James Coan, a researcher from the
University of Virginia who measured the response of men warned of an electric shock as they were
placed in a MRI machine showed that holding the hand of a spouse actually helped them turn off part
of the brain so they felt less distress. The handholding reduced agitation in the hypothalamus which is
responsible for producing stress hormones. Over time, stress hormones can weaken the immune system
and lead to sickness.
For women, a long and affectionate hug from men releases the bonding hormone oxytocin which helps
reduce blood pressure and helps the health of the heart. Men, try this for yourself. The next time your
wife or girlfriend start into you, give her a long embrace. At first she will squirm and appear to suffer,
but after a few seconds she will begin to accept the hug and her brain will release oxytocin. Soon, she
will forget her reasons for feeling so upset. It’s a dirty trick, but very effective, and your wife might
even thank (me)!
For men however, snuggling is slightly (a lot) less powerful, and where hugs leave off, sex takes over.
For men, oxytocin surges up to fives times that of normal immediately before he reaches orgasm. In a
study at Queen’s University in Belfast on nearly one thousand middle aged men followed over a
decade, it was found that men who had sex at least three times a week had a fifty percent reduction in
risk of heart attack or stroke. Those who reported the most frequent orgasms had a death rate of oneand-a-half
less then less sexually active men. So for both sexes touch can be very effective for the
health, although the currency of touch differs significantly amongst the sexes. Of course, there’s really
no reason a good long hug can’t turn into something much more!
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Power Of The Pause
Using fillers such as “umms” and “ahhhs” or “You know what I’m talking about.” weaken speech. The
simple solution is to inject more pauses. Instead of filling your language with junk, punctuating the
point with a pause can be so much more effective. The mind can only work so fast and a tongue stuck
in overdrive can lead to disaster. Our perception of time also changes while under pressure. As our
heart races, four to fives seconds can feel like an eternity! For some, even speaking to a small group of
three or four can seem like a large audience, applying even more pressure. However, pauses in speech
can increase our credibility significantly as people are given more time to process the information we
have given them.
The best speakers know that they won’t be cut off and this lack of fear (if this is the reason for the filler
sounds) is notably absent. Filling the silence with words indicates to others that you are tentative,
unsure and less dominant and in control. The only function filler words serve, is to dilute the words we
do say, and make the entire collection of words less powerful. Don’t be afraid to leave an audience with
silence as you collect your thoughts. Be sure to take time to breath, and therefore think, and use
dialogue in short bursts followed by pauses and reflection. Alpha men and women are never afraid of
silence, it is their ally and speaking at a half rate is not a terrible strategy either. It gives them twice as
much time to think and also builds a huge amount of credibility.
Listening to someone who uses good speech rate, tone, and pitch, on the other hand, can be inspiring.
Politicians are especially adept at the pause. Senator Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic race used
pause more effectively than any other U.S. presidential candidate in recent time. His speech so much
resembled a priest addressing his congregation, that it was startling and even frightening. He paused
frequently to allow the crowd to cheer or stir beckoning for more.