The Ultimate Body Language Book

or sexist jokes that offend others of which the teller isn’t a part, can also tread on shaky ground. For
example, it is generally accepted to make a joke about men, if you are male or likewise a woman if
female but if white, making a black joke will appear racist rather than funny. This has roots in self
deprecating humour, where making fun of yourself is fair game, but making fun of others can be rude
with the wrong audience. While jokes that make fun of the opposite sex or members of other groups
tend to elicit the most positive reaction, they are also the most risky. Jokes that make fun of a shared
identity also tend to go over well. When unsure however, it’s best to use universal jokes or playful
jokes and avoid potentially risky jokes. When on new turf, let your environment predict which jokes
are most welcome.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
The Purpose Of Humour, Bonding And
Laughing
A 1988 study by researcher Holdaway followed British police officers over two years with respect to
humour and how it helps maintain social norms within the workplace and build cohesion between
officers. Stories and jokes between new recruits and existing members helped transfer attitudes and
feelings that were appropriate for the work environment. In essence, humour was use to welcome
people in and also instruct them about how things work and what are the office norms. The research
found that delivering messages with humour helps do it in a nonthreatening way.
Smiles and laughter are often mentioned in the same breath, but their origins and purpose come from
quite different places. The smile stems from an appeasement gesture rather than playfulness as we saw
previously while laughter appears to stem from humour. Some recent research shows that this is only
one facet of the laugh. Dr. Robert Provine a psychologist from the University of Maryland measured
laughs in shopping malls and on sidewalks and found that laughing came at the expense of comments
that were far from humorous. Comments such as “I see your point” and “put those cigarettes away”
caused people to burst into laughter showing that laughter is more of a way to bond and formulate
social relationships then purely as the result of jokes. In fact, only ten to twenty percent of laughter
came from anything that even resembled something funny, showing that it is actually the person that is
humorous rather than the actual comment. In other words, people were laughing to maintain bonds with
the joke teller instead of as a response to the actual joke.
He also found that subordinate people will laugh simply to appease more dominant people, and that
dominant people exclude themselves from the laugh so as to maintain their dominance. Controlling
laughter therefore, can help control our dominance or submission to others, as well as show our
acceptance or rejection of others. Therefore, a polite laugh shows that we are at least “onboard” with a
person even though we might not totally agree that what they have said is in fact funny.
Laughter is a form of mirroring and communicates mutual liking and well-being. It can also be used to
reduce the harshness of comments or even to take comments back. Humour is an innate vocalization
that fosters a sense of community and can help in learning and in creativity. It helps break down walls
between different people and can act like a social lubricant to bind people together. Laughter is thirty
times more likely to happen in a social setting rather than alone and studies have shown that people
don’t really seem to care if the laugh is fake or real, they still tend to like people more when they laugh
versus doing nothing at all. Laughing helps us build bonds and even fake laughs help because at least it
shows that we are trying.