The Ultimate Body Language Book

may not include crow’s feet as we have seen. Those that lack smiles altogether or who smile
infrequently are much more dominant and want to be seen as such. The grimace happens in situations
where one is forced to talk or debate under a stressful situation. You will find that this sly face appears
almost universally even though no pleasure is felt. The grimace is a disarming gesture meant to appease
others, but it usually comes off as insincere and smug. We will see this face under high stress situations.
To see this face authentically, pay close attention while watching courtroom television shows. Usually
the defendant who is under stress will seem to beam with light from their teeth. The judge will often
see him or her as being defiant, and often requests for them to remove their smug look whereas, in fact,
no smugness is present at all. In this context a big smile is linked to stress from outside forces, and does
not indicate either happiness or smugness. Regardless of the meaning of the specific smile, researchers
have concluded that the smile is innate and not learned since even people born blind smile to display
happiness.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Perpetuating The Smile: On Mirroring And
Smiling
Smiling is contagious and often just by holding a smile others feel compelled to smile as well. Try an
experiment for yourself and see just how hard it is to frown when viewing smiles or smile when
viewing frowning. You will see that mirroring is a much more natural response whereas holding
opposite expressions requires conscious thought. Flashing a smile at random strangers can flood their
bodies with positive hormones and brighten their day. Even just holding a smile despite feeling down
can help elevate your mood and make you feel better.
We see this exact same contagion with attitudes of those surrounding us. A famous skit on Saturday
Night Live involves a character called “Debbie Downer.” The scene is set in a social gathering where
the character, at each opportunity, offers a contrarian’s view to what is an otherwise a positive or
neutral statement. The effect it has is potent and brings those around her down, hence her name.
Persistent negative attitudes in others around us tend to drag down our moods, while optimistic
attitudes tend to make us feel better. Although overly optimistic attitudes, just like overly pessimistic
attitudes can lead to negative feelings about others as well.
Research has shown that our facial muscles tend to mirror what we see in others and that this reaction
is subconscious. While it is possible to control our facial muscles by consciously over-ridding this
tendency, most others will simply, by nature, imitate what they see in us. This is why it is so important
to, both imitate smiles when seen, and to also avoid holding sour faces especially on initial meetings.
Let’s take the stereotypical example of a married couple; a wife and husband. After a long days work
taking care of the children, the husband comes home from his long day with a scowl on his face and
plops himself on the couch. He’s had a bad day, and so too has she. Their expressions feed of one
another and their attitudes remains negative. What if the husband came home with good news and a big
smile? Naturally, his wife would follow and they’d share a nice welcome, both parties willing. If one or
the other fails to follow the lead, the entire mood would be soured by the frowning party. Both parties
are therefore responsible for deciding the mood.
We often get caught up in daily rituals, especially at home, that we forget to put on a fake smile which
is otherwise required at work. We know that we can’t get away with such crass behaviour while away
from home and around strangers, so we put on a fake smile despite our mood, but once home we give