The Ultimate Body Language Book

happens when one person directs their eyes at another person’s face. “Eye-gaze”, on the other hand,
happens when the gaze is directed toward the eyes of another but of which that person might not
reciprocate. “Mutual-gaze” happens when two people look each other’s faces which might include
bouts of eye-gaze and “eye-contact” refers to two people looking directly into each other’s eyes. Other
forms of gaze include “omission”, defined as a failure to look at someone without intending to and
“avoidance”, in which a person purposely prevents eye contact. Most are familiar with “staring”, but to
be sure, we define it as a persistent look that occurs regardless of what another person is doing. Simply
defining the types of gazes and eye contact likely evoke some pretty strong feelings which can be
positive as in the case of mutual gaze or negative as in the stare. Prolonged eye contact early in a
loosely established relationship is almost always taken negatively, or with hostility, and decoded by
others as offensive. We may even think prolonged eye contact is a result of projected dislike or even
disapproval of others, even when it is the result of affection or attraction. Holding gaze for as little as
three seconds longer than normal can come across as over-assertiveness and create contempt. However,
because we aren’t always aware of eye contact consciously, others won’t be able to describe the reason
for their feelings which is why the use of gaze needs to be taken seriously.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
The Friendly Social Gaze
When friends talk to one another they aren’t trying to peer into their souls, rather, they gaze. The gaze
is non-threatening and like the intimate gaze, which follows, the eyes travel over the face in a specific
pattern. In the friendly gaze, the eyes travel in a triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth
with some infrequent looks to the rest of the body. The reason we cast our eyes infrequently over other
parts of the body is simply due to the reason that it is of less interest and of less value in friendship
which is just the opposite of that which happens in the intimate gaze. With friends, gaze is brief, lasting
only about three seconds followed by looking away. The research tells us that about seventy-five
percent of the time eyes travel through the triangular pattern from the eyes to the mouth, ten percent of
the time is spent on forays to the forehead and hair, and five percent to the chin, with the remaining
time split on various other features.
After a period of gaze or mutual eye-contact both people will avert their eyes downward instead of left,
right or upward. But if you are really in a comedic mood and want to put the fright into someone, break
your eye contact by quickly looking up and taking a step backwards! They will most certainly think
that something is about to fall on them which is the likely reason we rarely look up when breaking eye
contact. Looking down, on the other hand is a symbol of submission whereas looking left or right can
imply disinterest (or interest in something else), or a desire to withdraw from the conversation. Looking
past or ‘through’ someone, by having an expressionless face, and unblinking eyes has the same affect, it
places importance on other things aside from the conversation at hand. Of course, and as mentioned
previously, feelings associated with improper eye contact is noted and held subconsciously, since for
most people they are out of the normal range of awareness. That being said, people will attach powerful
feelings and judgments to us based on how we use eye contact during conversation regardless of our
true personalities.
The extreme end of negative thoughts and feelings related to eye contact comes from prolonged periods
of unbroken eye contact – staring!