The Ultimate Body Language Book

Chapter 1 – Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Introduction
How To Use This Book
You Have Four Minutes!
How Hard Is It To Read People?
What Does It Mean To Read People?
How Fortune Tellers Are Like Hans The Horse
What Is Cold Reading?
How And Why The Body Reveals Emotions: The Brain-Body Interplay
How The Lymbic System Affects Body Language
Faking Body Language And Microexpressions
The Mirror Neuron
The Benefits Of Subconscious Mirroring
Virtual Body Language
The Types Of People You Will Read – Introverts Vs. Extroverts
OK vs. Not Ok Personality Traits
Using Body Language To Get The Results You Want!
Why We Should Picture People Naked!
Summary
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Introduction
The Five Cardinal Rules Of Body Language
The Rule Of Four
Congruence
Context
Baselining
A Caution About Biases During The Baselining Process
Baselining Versus Innate Actions
Intuition Versus Perception In Body Language: Seeing What We Want To See
The Feet Are Honest
Negative Body Language Is Usually More Honest
Silent Speech Has Flow
Verbal Language Is Confusing, Body Language Sorts Things Out
The Evolutionary Differences Between Men And Women
Are Men Bad Readers Of Body Language?
So How Exactly Do The Minds Of Men And Women Differ?
Age, Age Gaps, Status And Its Affect On Body Language
Body Language Of Children
Emulating Alpha’s Body Language
Reading Posture
Haptics: The Use Of Touch In Communication
Body language And Energy displacement
Fashion And Its Meaning
Preening
Summary
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Introduction

Genetic, Learned Or Cultural: Which Is It?
Emblems, Illustrators, Affect Displays, Adaptors And Regulators
Emblems: Word Replacement Gestures
Some More Examples Of Emblems
Illustrators: To Colour Language
Affect Or Emotional Displays
Recognizing Body Affect By Culture
Adaptors
Regulators, Regulate Speech
How To Use Regulators
Culturally Our Bodies Are All Basically The Same!
Some Gestures Are Universal
High/Low Context, Culture And Touching
The Ways Cultures Meet And Greet
Summary
Chapter 4 – Space And Territory
Introduction
Proxemics
Personal Space Distances
Culture And Personal Space
Personal Space And Country Folk
Status, Context And Personal Space
People As Objects
Space And Eye Contact
Spatial Empathy
The Urinal Game
Indicators of Invasion
Summary
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Introduction
Gazing
The Friendly Social Gaze
When Men’s Eyes Meet Women’s Eyes – The Intimate Gaze
The Business Gaze
Why Sometimes Eye Contact Is Bad
Putting Your Best Side Forth
How To Avoid An Attack Or Speeding Ticket
Dilated Pupils
The Room Encompassing Glance
Eye Blink Rate
Extended Eye Blinking
Eye Blocking
The Double Wink
Eye Flashes, Eye Widening And Flashbulb Eyes
Looking Up Through The Forehead
Eye Size And Neoteny
Shifty Eyes

Looking Askance And Eye Rolling
Stealing Looks
Audience Eye Contact
Eye Direction, Thought And NLP
Using The Eye Trick To Predict Things
How People Learn
Eye Contact In Business
Eye Contact During A Job Interview
Eyebrow Flash – The Social Greeting
When And How To Use The Eyebrow Flash
Catching People Who Fail To Recognize You
The Eyebrows In Communication
Summary
Chapter 6 – Smiles and Laughter
Introduction
The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest Smile
Where Do Smiles Come From?
Perpetuating The Smile: On Mirroring And Smiling
The Most Common Types Of Smiles
Who Smiles More, Men Or Women, And Why?
Smiles Generate Leniency
Origins Of Laughs And Why Laughing Is Addictive
Laughing Cycle, Laughing Makes People Laugh
Theory Of Jokes, Humour And What Is Appropriate
The Purpose Of Humour, Bonding And Laughing
Is Laughter Unique To Humans?
Laughter Differences Between The Sexes
Put-Down Humour
The Types Of Laughs And Why Women Shouldn’t Snort And Grunt
Laughter And Health
Summary
Chapter 7 – Opened Mind, Open Body, Closed Mind, Closed body
Introduction
Ventral Displays
Hands And Palms Language
Sudden Changes In The Hands
Rubbing The Hands Gestures
The Spear Throwing Pointer And Other Power Gestures
Being Opened And Closed Through The Legs And Arms
The Meaning Behind Arm Crossing
Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The ‘Closed’
The Meaning Of Leg Crossing
The Ankle Or Scissor Cross
Figure Four And Figure Four Hand Lock
Fig Leaf Position
Parallel Legs
Pigeon Toes

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks
Standing Positions And Their Hidden Meaning
How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard
Avoiding The Eyes
The Fetal Position
Openness As It Relates To Status
Summary
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Introduction
Reducing Body Size And Avoiding Conflict
The Shrinking Man
Environment Plays On Height And Dominance
Relaxed Body Language
Raising Status Through Relaxed Body Postures
The Language Of The Head
Headshake For Negative Thoughts
Head Nod And Bobble
Head Lowered Judgment
Head Tilted Interest
Head Back And Peering Over Glasses
The Chair Straddler
Leg Spreading
The Leg Over The Chair
The Full Body Steeple
Tilting Far Back In A Chair
Hands On Hips
The Cowboy Pose
The Military Man
What Does Thumbing Indicate?
Displays Of Ownership And Territory To Indicate Dominance
Dominance By Setting And Breaking Social Rules
The Dominant Control Their Faces
Touching Between And Amongst The Sexes
Touching To Get What You Want
Touching Heals Us Both
The Power Of The Pause
Speed Of Speech
Tonality And Voice Depth
Summary
Chapter 9 – Defensive and Aggressive Body Language
Introduction
Defensive body language:
Double Arm Hug
Partial Arm Cross
Arm Gripping
Fist And Arms Clenched
The Security Blanket

The Stiff Or Curved Arm
Objects As Barriers
How To Use Barriers To Your Advantage
Cues To Indicate Defense
Aggressive Body Language:
Signs Of Aggression
The Unblinking Eyes
Invasion Of Space
Summary
Chapter 10 – Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Introduction
Attentive Body Language:
Undivided Attention
Fidgeting, The Feet, Jiggling and Kicking
Agreement Indicators
Hand On The Chin For Evaluation Or Negative Thoughts
Other Attentive Cues
Evaluative body language:
Chin Stroking And Tongue Protrusion
The Invisible Lint Picker
What Glasses Mean
Hand Steepling
Neck Rubbing
Other Evaluative Gestures
Summary
Chapter 11 – Emotional Body Language
Introduction
Displacement Behaviours Protect Us In Public
Freeze, Flight or Fight
Clenching And Gripping
Nervous Hands
Poor Self Image And The Body Language That Tells
Eyebrow Lowering
Interlacing Fingers and Palm Finger Stroking
Suckling And Mouthing Body Language
Compressed Lips, Down-turned Smile And Lip Pursing
Tonguing Language
Sneering For You
The Ear Grabber
Hostile Body Language
The Sequencing Of Rejection Body Language
How Bodies Become Relaxed And Defrost
Neck And Nose Body Language
The Anti Crosser Is Uncomfortable
Other Emotional Body Language
Blocking Behaviour
Blushing – The Colour Of Emotion

Gravity Defying Body Language
How Can We Tell If An Emotion Is Faked?
Universal Facial Expressions
Emotional Downtime
Cocooning
Turtling – It’s When The Head Goes Into It’s Shell
The Types Of Hugs
Additional Emotional Body Language
Summary
Chapter 12 – Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Introduction
The Chameleon Effect (Mimicry)
Research Into Purposeful Mirroring
What To Mirror To Gain Favours
Using Mirroring In Negotiations
What Stops Mirroring?
When Mirroring Can Backfire
When Mirroring Creates Flow
Why Our Pets Look Like Our Kids And Couples Like Each Other
Who Is In Charge Of Mirroring?
Who Mirrors More, Men Or Women?
Summary
Chapter 13 – Courtship Signals
Introduction
Why Men Don’t Seem To Get It And Why Women Are Half The Problem
It’s A Women’s Job To Attract Attention
The Most Common Female Sexual Signals
She Displays Submissively, Sexually, Gets Closer And Builds Rapport
Tibial Torsion And Shoulder Shrugs To Appear Childlike
Wrist And Neck Exposures
Smiling, The Forehead Bow And Childlike Playfulness
Sexual Hair Play
The Hip Tilt and Parade, The Hip-To-Waist Radio, Breasts and Buttocks
The Room Encompassing Glance
Grooming And Preening
The Leg Twine And Leg Crossing
Hiking The Skirt And Showing Skin
Loving Tight Jeans, Short Skirts And Ornamentation
Proximity, Pointing And Touching
Echoing And Mirroring Is The Mating Dance
Kiss Test And Stages In Intimacy
How Women Can Avoid Solicitation By Men:
Gaze avoidance
Gestures
Posture patterns
He Displays Dominantly, Sexually, Gets Closer And Builds Rapport – Introduction
How Men Display Interest – An Introduction And Further Reading

The Male Crotch Display
Eliminating Beta Male Body Language
Dominant Body Language
The Dominant Male Stance
How Men Can Use Negative Body Language
Tonality Advice For Men
Smiling And Gazing Advice For Men
How Men Should Gaze
The Ten Steps To Intimacy
Summary
Chapter 14 – Office Body Language
Introduction
How To Signal I’m Here To Help But Not Be Your Friend – Some Tips For Salespeople
How We Prefer To Orient Ourselves When Standing
The Types Of Handshakes
Types Of Bad Handshakes
My Little Handshake Experiment
Thwarting Dominant Handshakes
Handshake Advice For Women
Handshake Conclusion
Power Sitting For Women – What To Do, What To Avoid
Appearing Masculine – Power Dressing Advice For Women
Leaning And Ready Language In The Office And Elsewhere
Leadership Body Language
How To Handle The Type Of Bosses:
Autocratic
Democratic
Laissez-Faire
Job Interview Body Language
Before You Get There
When You First Arrive
Your Entry
During The Interview
Gestures
Your Exit
Reading Buy Signals
Summary
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Introduction
How We Know Why We Meet
Early Research Into Seating Arrangements
Rectangular Seating Positions:
Casual Corner Position
Cooperative Side-By-Side Position
Independent And Opposite Position
Competitive Head-To-Head Position
Leadership Positions And The Head Of The Table

Square Tables
Circular Seating Positions
Positions In Circular Tables
Other Complex Seating Arrangements
How To Set Up Your Office
Some Ways To Set Up An Office
Office Artifacts – The Other Nonverbal Messages
The Power Of Chairs
How To Be Forgotten – The “Center-Stage Effect”
Who In The Audience Is The Most Keen?
Deciphering Cause And Effect From Seating Position
Summary
Chapter 16 – Deception and Lie detection
Introduction
Why We Lie
The Nine Reasons We Lie
Deception Causes Arousal, Generally
Duping Delight, Eye Contact And Smiling
Lying Is Hard Work?
Nervousness And Guilt In Lying
Liars Freeze Up But Master Poker Players Become Dynamic?
Remaining Uncommitted
Touch Reduction
The Truth Bias
Are Truth Tellers Less Cooperative?
The Facial Action Coding System Or FACT Another Way To Detect Lies
Microexpressions
Examples of Microexpression.
How Mentally Taxing Is Lie Telling?
Police As Lie Detectors
Lying In Children
The Most Common Gestures Associated With Liars:
Increased Face-Touching
Ear Pull
Neck Scratch And Collar Pull
Hand To Eye Gestures
Hand To Mouth Gestures
Nose Language
Closed Body Postures
Eye Patterns In Lying
Verbal And Paraverbal Cues
Nervous Body Language – The ‘Other’ Cues
Machines That Detect Lies – When All Else Fails Bring In The Machines:
fMRI In Lie Detection
Thermal Scanners, Eye Trackers, Pupillometers And Stress Sniffers
So Which People Are Good At Detecting Lies?
How We Really Detect Lies

How To Accurately Read Lies
Comfort and Discomfort In Detecting Deception
Comfort and Discomfort Body Language
Setting Someone Up To Be Read
Summary
Final Thoughts

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Introduction – Chapter 1

Head down with hand to mouth is a “buy signal.” She’s considering the offer.
Body language is an exciting tool and I often refer to it as such because I can use it like a wrench or
screwdriver and sometimes even a hammer whenever I need it, but sometimes even just for fun. Most
everyone has had some sort of fascination with body language and has thought consciously about it at
one point in their life. However, not everyone will graduate from casual observer to expert or near
expert, as you will by reading this book. My biased opinion is that everyone needs to read at least one
book on body language, and since this is so, you might as well do it early in your life! Body language
works like compound interest, the sooner you know it, the sooner you can begin to benefit from it. We
will see that body language applies throughout many facets of our lives.
Certainly body language helps in sales and around the office or during an interview, but it can also help
in dating, in personal relationships, and even in marriage as speak from personal experience.
Understanding body language has helped me be more cognizant of my tact, or lack of thereof and has
allowed me to read my wife’s mind, sometimes to our her benefit and other times, to her annoyance. To
a husband, with a dry humour, who wishes to diffuse a distraught wife, pointing out his wife’s negative
body language as she stands over him with her arms crossed and her head down can be amusing. It’s
even more amusing to catalog her body language as it escalates when she discovers that instead of
paying full attention, you’re reading nonverbal cues instead! If you explain that words are not
necessary, she paints a vivid image without words, you might however, regain some respect.
Body language is useful in life because, no matter what we do, we are always dealing with people and
this fact becomes even more salient when understand that everything on the planet is currently owned
or controlled by someone else. That is, every piece of land, every tree, every desk, computer, television,
or rock, is the property of someone else or is controlled by someone else. Therefore to acquire anything
or everything you must formulate agreements with these people. Reading them becomes paramount.
Spoken language happened much later in our evolutionary history than non-verbal language and is
therefore deeply rooted in our minds. Nonverbal language is primordial, primitive and therefore
primary to speech. Our minds and bodies are tied together in language which is why we gesticulate
while we talk. We might try to bury or ignore our body language but it still creeps out when we aren’t
paying attention. For most people who have done no reading about body language at all, it is their
default mode and so they show us honest gestures. This is important to us as readers because we can
take these gestures more or less at face value.

An evolutionary perspective is how my framework on body language was developed.
Body language helps us predict the emotions and thoughts of the people around us and gives us a
framework from which to begin to understand them, even before opening with our sales pitch or
agreement, for example. My interest into body language first began in university, as I sought to learn
about girls and dating. I wanted to understand what made some men more successful than others, and
how, or rather if, women could be read. I was particularly interested in indicators of sexual interest. At
the time, I figured the end goal was just as good as good a place to begin, as any. As I learned and
studied, it became apparent that it was possible to manipulate the game all the way through and even
use body language in an active way instead of a reactive way to turn the tables in my favour. My
passion got me into other realms as well, such as evolutionary theory, animal behaviour and ultimately
into zoology. This pulled me away from psychology somewhat, but I always had an interest in people
and what made them tick. So while I studied animals, how it related to people was always at the back
of my mind and helped me create my formula. I now look at life through a zoological perspective
because while I was studying, psychology was just beginning to wrestle with evolutionary ideas, but
hadn’t totally accepted its force and weight. This is a huge factor in why I got away from psychology
and delve more and more into zoology and evolutionary theory. From the start, I knew it was the right
way to look at things. My current framework would be classified as sociobiological with a high degree
of favourtism toward the biological aspects, evolution in particular. I am particularly fond of primary
scientific research, that is, research studies that are normally published in giant periodicals in university
libraries. Now we can just grab them, and their findings, digitally through electronic files. The days of
photocopying endlessly are over, but the information still needs to be properly filter, dissected and
reapplied in a useful fashion by an expert of some sort. You can still get the information from the
source, and if you really are keen, should, but it still needs to be interpreted to become useful, and takes
a dedicated mind, because at times, it is quite dry. You’ll find this book heavily sprinkled with such
primary research which makes it powerfully predictive, tested, empirical, peer reviewed, and more
importantly, and as all real science should be, replicable.
By the end of my third year of university I had drafted the guts of a book about sexual body language
but never took any action. It sat there for years, but I finally decided to share it with the world and

publish it through the www.BodyLanguageProject.com and named it Body Language Project: Dating,
Attraction and Sexual Body Language. Body language stuck with me throughout the years because
once I had the basics I was always able to read people and throughout life, it really helped me. Every so
often I would point out the body language of the people around me, such as my wife and friends, just to
make them a little bit more aware of what they are really revealing about themselves. Other times I
would read an employer, or read politicians on television, or just regular people walking about on the
streets. You will see, like I did, that body language is something that once learned will stick with you
for a lifetime. Most of us already have some sort of intuitive ability to read people but this book will
help spell it all out for you in plain English with no need for interpretation or guesswork. Next time you
read someone, you’ll be right, you won’t be guessing.
Knowing body language will be helpful while presenting to an audience, for example, since it can tell
you when it’s time to make your conversation more lively, when people are truly interested, or even
when it’s time to wrap it up and move on. Body language is the “intuition” that separates decent
speakers from amazing ones. Good speakers will read the degree of ‘head tilt’ in their audience, which
shows interest, and then know that they are onto something, or conversely watch for arm crossing, leg
crossing, or both, showing withdrawal to indicating that it’s time to switch topics, switch tactics or get
the audience involved. Body language can also help around the office to read your boss or if you are a
boss to read your employees. Even as a parent, body language will help in reading your children and if
you are married, help read your spouses hidden meaning before words set off flames.
If you have ever heard a voice recording playback, absent of video, you know how important body
language is in communication and how much meaning is added through the visual channel. Monotone
words strung together with no inflection showing no emotion whatsoever makes the meaning of the
sentence lost and confusing. Electronic mail or instant messaging, are two wonderful examples of all
that can go wrong with communication absent of body language. Text messages become confused,
misinterpreted and misread, and as we all know, often end badly, sometimes so badly, it’s irreversible.
Message boards also suffer in this way, often resorting to massive infighting simply because the
intended meaning is lost. Emotional icons (emoticons) such as ‘smiley faces’ and ‘winks’ we now dot
our messages with are good indication of the importance nonverbal cues.
Speech takes meaning from our actions and body positions, not just from resonance, frequencies and
pitch carried through air molecules. When people speak, we can tell their emotions by how they use
their hands, which words they emphasize, and where they pause in speech. On the other hand, to
become more effective speakers we also need to be better at delivering proper body language so again
we need to understand the nonverbal channel. This book is a good start on your way to learning body
language, but certainly not the finish line. You will still be required to advance a significant effort
independent of this book to become proficient at both reading and delivering nonverbal messages, not
the least of which will happen by seeing it in real life and in real time.
3.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How To Use This Book
This book was designed to be the only book you would ever need to read on body language, but in
doing so, there are probably some areas that you aren’t interested in or are only moderately interested
in. For that reason, don’t feel that you need to read the book in sequence and that skipping sections or
chapters is necessarily a bad thing. Having said that there might be areas of study that particularly
interest you, and for that reason, there are additional Body Language Project volumes to suite that niche
need.
Once you get past the first few chapters, the readings become more and more optional depending on
interest. By skipping chapters or sections you won’t get the full picture, or gain the fullest amount of
power this book harnesses and from that which is nonverbal communication, you’re certain to gain the
knowledge that you can use most in your life. Some information, for example, is more applicable as an
employer, whereas other information applies most to employees. Others still will benefit from office
dynamics, but for others who work outside an office, it won’t be as helpful. We can all learn something
from information that doesn’t apply to us directly though so it never hurts to bank that information in
case we find ourselves in a novel situation in the future. Feel free to skip ahead, or skim the
photographs over, and hit areas again at a later date as your life changes. You will also be surprised by
how much more information you will pick up on your second read so by all means re-read. This isn’t to
say that we haven’t put a lot of effort into putting things into the best and most logical sequence
though, it just means that you won’t suffer by reading it out of order. So split the book at any page, skip
sections and just enjoy the wonderful photographs, it’s your book, read it how you want to!
While reading this book just keep in mind that there are quite literally thousands of nonverbal signals
that can be emitted by the human body, most of which are covered herein, although sometimes just
briefly. It would be entirely impossible and a very likely a futile effort to hit on every minor cue, not to
mention extremely long winded and boring! Nevertheless, this book is designed not only as a primer on
body language, but also the only book you will really ever need to read. The book covers more than
just the major cues, it hits on more the subtle cues, context specific cues and cues that vary from person
to person. This book is meant to be nearly exhaustive of all the body language out there, and meant as a
stand-alone guide to reading people in all facets of life.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
You Have Four Minutes!
You’re on the clock, so make it count!
It has been repeatedly shown that the first four minutes are crucial to formulating life-long impressions
of others. The research has shown that the reality of the matter is that it might even be shorter than this.
Once a judgment has been past, people will vigorously resist changing it. In fact, our first impressions
are so strongly held, that we’d prefer to ignore, omit or distort information about someone as it comes
in that doesn’t fit our impressions than to modify our initial impressions of someone. Add to this, the
fact that only some our time formulating impressions is done verbally through speaking, but all of our
time is spent sending signals nonverbally. Our impressions are made passively, regardless of our desire
to create them, so being caught on an off day can really hurt future relationship. If, say, for example, we
are caught in a bad mood, or happen to be dealing with a rare crisis, the judgment others make during
this period will follow us for a very long time. Shy people who take longer to warm up to others know
this all to well and are often reminded of this fact later. As their relationships flourish, friends will tell
them how their initial impressions of them were quite different from the person they have come to
know. Being shy holds their true personalities from sight, and this hurts them in the short term because
the initial impression they make comes across as indifferent and cold.
Knowing that impressions are so important, we can use it to our advantage by placing added emphasis
on initial impressions and concentrate our efforts. Once this time has elapsed, we can either relax back
to our regular selves and allow our newly created reputation to keep us afloat, or maintain out initial
behaviour. The choice will be ours to make. This book will cover the all important job interview and
skills to portray confidence and knowledgeable and how to pack it all into the typical four minute
interview. Fortunately, this book is almost entirely about formulating and maintaining good impression.
So the rule here is to never ignore the power of first impressions. More often than not, first impressions
are the ones that last for an entire relationship and can’t be easily corrected later. I should also emphasis
that what you ‘say’ is often far less important than what you ‘do’. Listening, and using strong body

language will illustrate a much stronger impression then being a good speaker, so always pay more
credence to positive body language.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How Hard Is It To Read People?

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?
Reading people is fairly simple and common sense once the language is learned, but initially there are a
lot of cues to recall so at times it can be confusing. At first it might be difficult just remembering the
cues, let alone pull them to consciousness when applicable, but with time this second language will
seem to flow naturally and in real time. Body language is fluid and happening all the time around us so
we can’t hit pause or rewind in real life to review individual cues. Thankfully, though, we don’t have
to. Even beginners can get the gist of things just by picking up a few cues here and there, however the
full meaning won’t come until the reader can piece together all the cues.
Context and other factors also play a role in deciphering meaning and then there is cluster of cues
where more then one cue happens at the same time and how it is the collection of cues all pointing
toward the same meaning that really gives us predictive power. Some of the cues are also very difficult
to read such as “microexpressions” which is a subset of cues that happen in only fractions of a second.
Other cues such as smiles happen only fleetingly, making it difficult to tell the differences between
honest ones and fake ones.
Important body language isn’t happening all the time either so we should not get too carried away.
Sometimes body movements are to serve a real function such as relieving an itch (if you can believe
that!). However, specific cues, as we will cover throughout this book, will begin to pop out at you as
they occur and it will be exhilarating. Reading body language will open up entirely new channel in
understanding the people around you. You may begin to notice the insecurities in your boss, how he
plays with his tie or cufflinks or how he is particular about his favourite chair or you might notice
power plays between a particularly dominant employee and how she tries to usurp power from those
higher in the ranks. When you begin to notice things you hadn’t before, it will be obvious that I have
accomplished my goal.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
What Does It Mean To Read People?
Reading people involves connecting all their signals, both verbal and nonverbal, throwing out the junk
and connecting the rest to create meaning. The full story can only be told when all or most the factors
about your target are connected. Research has shown that it is far easier to get away with a written lie
over one told over the phone. From those facts you might guess that telling a lie in person is the
hardest. Each additional communication channel that is added gives us more clues as to what is really
going on. If we could adding information, such as a person’s heart rate and sweat gland activity which
is the primary channels using in lie detector machines we could be even more accurate. Therefore, just
using one channel, and ignoring others, won’t allow us to do our jobs as accurately as using all the
available channels.

A classic boredom cue cluster, fingers tapping, blank face looking away.
When we say that a person is “perceptive” what we really mean is that they are able to read the
contradictions between what someone is saying and their body language. For example, someone might
fidget, avoid eye contact and touch their nose but still be delivering a true statement. The reason is that,
at times, these conflicting signals come from ambivalence, or outright uncertainty. Other times body
language leaks through fatigue or other anomalous stimuli. The expert body language reader will
intuitively understand the roots of nonverbal signals primarily by examining people through context

and then relate the body language seen to actual meaning. For example, a good body language reader
will properly connect fidgeting, tapping toes, and scratching the side of the nose with being tired,
which is the right conclusion, rather than lying, one that is fabricated, because they will note the right
circumstances surrounding the nonverbal language. To accurately read body language we need to
connect the perception we have of the situation with the body language present, then use context,
coupled with our know history of the person we are reading (i.e. their disposition and habits, or their
“baseline”) to determine what is really going on. Advanced reading of body language is not simple, the
process happens quickly and continuously.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How Fortune Tellers Are Like Hans The Horse

There’s an entire subtext of information just waiting to be read!
Fortune tellers are particularly adept at intuitively reading other people’s body language, even if they
aren’t consciously aware of their talent. In fact, most fortune tellers will probably deny that they use
any body language at all in their predictions. However, after reading this book, follow along with them
and you will see that it’s fairly easy to read along with them, or at least follow their train of thought as
they pull at straws. You can often tell when the person being read gives off certain clues to indicate
(perhaps subconsciously) when they are on the right track. A large part of telling fortunes relies on

people’s natural desires to please others, and in this respect, willing participants are fairly generous.
In the late 1800’s a German based high school teacher Von Osten was studying phrenology which is a
now discredited theory that intelligence, character and personality traits are based on the shapes and
bumps on someone’s head. Van Osten was also interested in the study of animal intelligence and
believed that people had underestimated the reasoning skills of animals. That’s when he began tutoring
a cat, horse and a bear in the ways of mathematics. Predictably, the cat was aloof to his teachings and
the bear was downright hostile, but the stallion named Hans showed promise. With more focused
lessons, Hans was able to learn to use his hoof to tap out numbers written on a blackboard. With
practice, Hans was reliably able to perform this ‘feet’ for any number under ten.
“Unconscious cuing” has been reported in more than just a horse. ‘The Curious Case of Clever Hans’
has lead psychologists and animal communication experts to look for the phenomenon in dogs who
follow their owners’ facial expressions. Photo credit: Public Domain.
Von Osten steeped things up a notch by drawing out basic arithmetic problems such as square roots,
and fractions. To Van Osten’s delight, Hans was able to keep up with the new teachings and proved to
be a very clever horse which helped to maintain Von Osten’s original assertions about animal
intelligence. Happy with his progress, Von Osten began to tour Germany with Hans so that others could
enjoy his talents.
Han’s could answer simple questions such as “What is the square root of sixteen?” by following up
with four taps, “What is the sum of two and three?” with five taps coming from Hans. Hans was also
capable of spelling out words with each tap representing a letter of the alphabet in sequence. Thus, an
“a” would be one tape and a “b” would be two taps. While Hans wasn’t always one hundred percent
accurate he was on par with an average highschooler’s scores, which impressed his crowds.
Naturally, skeptics grew larger and larger. Germany’s board of education then requested an
investigation into Hans’ abilities. Von Osten agreed as he had nothing to hide and knew there was no

fraud to expose. The ‘Hans Commission’ was assembled including zoologists, psychologist, a horse
trainer, several school teachers and a circus manger. After extensive testing, however, they concluded
that there was no trickery involved and that Hans’ responses where genuine.
Having found no trickery the Commission passed the investigation onto Oskar Pfungst, a psychologist.
He had some unique ideas on how to get to the bottom of things. As usual, Hans answered all the
questions posed by Von Osten well under normal conditions but when asked to step further away
however, Hans’s success rate dropped inexplicably. The success rate also dropped to close to zero when
the questioner wasn’t himself aware of the answer. The same result came when the questioner was
hidden from view. Hans’ success therefore, was severely tied to his ability to see the person who knew
the correct answer.
Pfungst continued the research but turned his focus onto the people that were interacting with Hans. He
noticed that there were differences in breathing, posture and facial expressions as Hans tapped out his
answer. As Hans neared to correct answer, the handlers would increase the tension they held in their
body language which would tip off Hans. Once the final tap had been made, the tension suddenly
disappeared from the person and so Hans took this cue to mean it was time to stop tapping.
While Hans was discredited from being able to do math, he was very learned at reading human body
language. It revealed that horses had a keen ability to read non verbal cues perhaps as part of their
social interactions with other horses throughout their evolution. Hans’ ability to read body language
might also help explain why horse whisperers are able to “talk” to horses. Von Osten never fully
accepted this explanation and continued to tour Germany with his show and remained quite successful
even though Hans never really had any comprehension of math.
What fortune tellers do isn’t much different from what Hans’ the horse did. Tellers are able to pick up
on subtle body language clues and navigate these cues throughout a reading. They pick up on small
gestures that indicate they are on the right track which further fuels them and induces the person being
read to loosen up. They also rely on probability statistics to make educated guesses and knowledge of
human nature and psychology. What makes them even more believable is the fact that some aren’t even
consciously aware of their ability to read body language which helps them keep their techniques a
secret. This gives them an advantage in fooling the gullible since it’s much easier to deceive others
when you first have yourself convinced. People being read also have a positive expectation that they
will be read correctly and play into readers more readily often being quite charitable even when their
predictions are only remotely accurate. It would be much harder for a reader to accurately read a
skeptic, but any good teller will avoid reading these people. Fortune tellers have also been accused of
being vague and general which could be accurate for just about anyone. Fortune tellers hit on many
different subjects often contradicting themselves until they hit on information that sticks.
So before you get taken by a fortune teller remember how Hans and his owner where able to amaze so
many. Even after the tests showed that Hans was reading his master’s body language his show
continued to go on for years un-deterred and even grew more in popularity as time passed.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
What Is Cold Reading?
Cold reading is a technique fortune tellers use to convince their audience that they know much more
then they really do and that they know it from scratch, no prewritten cue cards here. Rather they read
their cues on the fly such as clothing or fashion, gender, age, race or ethnicity, hairstyle and posture to
draw information about a person, although they never tell the audience as much. The cold readers find
themselves to be psychics, mediums and fortune tellers of the profession.
I’m always struck by those who think that some form of extrasensory perception is happening simply
because readers don’t rely on spoken words to discover ‘truths’ about a person. In this case ‘truths’ is a
bit of a stretch and not totally accurate, ‘leads’ is probably a better word. I suppose, the magic happens
because the audience really is not aware of all the information available to the reader from simple
observation. With a few additional cues derived from religion, place of origin and education, of which
the reader can simply ask, or even the manner in which they speak, a lot can be learned about a person
and quickly. As the cold reader moves forward with generalization and high probabilities guesses, he or
she (usually a she, as women are more perceptive and so make better psychics), they navigate through a
formulaic serious of potent topics before reaching conclusions. They pick up on cues emitted from their
subjects to verify correct pathways and can reinforce certain chance connections and guesses.
Other basic procedures used by readers include techniques such as “shotgunning” allegedly used by
mediums such as Sylvia Browne and John Edward where the reader quickly offers a huge quantity of
general information to an entire audience hoping something will stick. General information used in
reading is called the “rainbow ruse”, where a phrase is advanced that covers a large array of
possibilities. The rainbow ruse might include statements that are not quantifiable or so general that it
can apply to nearly everyone. The ruse can include statements such as “You are most often cooperative
and pleasant, but when someone does you wrong, you are easy to anger and hold a grudge.” Does that
not describe everyone you know?

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How And Why The Body Reveals Emotions: The
Brain-Body Interplay
Many theories exist
about the human emotional brain. They range from more inward brain centered origins to more reflex
or environmental oriented origins. That is, one theory says that emotions come from the inside whereas
others say that emotions are created by reacting to what happens in the outside world. Which of the two
is correct? Where do our emotions actually come from? How do these related to our body language?
We cover these next.
Our amygdala is a part of the brain that has been shown to be the core structure of our emotions and it
is closely tied to our body function. The amygdala decodes the information received from our senses
and initiates adaptive behaviours through connections to the motor system (our body). Plenty of
research shows how this area of the brain is particularly adept at reading facial emotions and decoding
them. Other research has identified a structure called the “mirror neuron” found in the brain that
triggers a mirror response and causes us to imitate facial expressions. Mirror neurons work regardless
of our consciously awareness and in so doing induces us to imitate other people’s expressions. This
partially explains why we are negatively affected by people in our company whom persistently scowl
or frown. In the long term, negativity usually grates on us to the extent that we often feel a need to
actively address others who hold these positions, and if that address proves impossible, we resort to
isolating ourselves from them. We do so to protect ourselves from negative and destructive emotions
that can permeate our thoughts. Attitudes exempted, even facial expressions of the people we surround
ourselves with play a big role on how we tend to see the world. The contagion of negative emotions,
thoughts and body language is probably a large player in the recent success of the positive thinking
movement. Here, a reverse tact is used to “think” positive, and so be positive, and promises that
success and riches will follow.
The brain and body are closely linked and it is difficult to “untie” them from one another. Telling a lie
is difficult when holding honest gestures, such as palms exposed, and similarly, it is difficult to have a
negative attitude while dancing spryly. The actions the body performs tends to bleed through into the

mind and create positive or negative feelings. Even laughing, done for no good reason, can put
someone in a good mood because it helps release all sorts of positive hormones.
Body language, for this reason, is very powerful. As we learn the gestures associated with opened and
closed minds, we can create positive changes in ourselves. We can even induce emotional changes in
others through the use of mirroring, as we shall see in a later chapter. Just by uncrossing the arms, or
unfurrowing the brow, can make us not only appear more open and happy, but also make us feel that
way. Smiling, even if one is not in the mood, can be particularly effective because it can set the
framework by which an interaction might take place. So to provide a quick answer to our initial
question, emotions likely have inward and outward forces with varying strengths. With some practice
we can either resist outward stimuli, or adopt them, or can induce inward stimuli and emit them.
Having the ability to spot reasons for bad moods and body language can allow us to replace them with
more positive body language helping us feel happier.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How And Why The Body Reveals Emotions: The
Brain-Body Interplay
Many theories exist
about the human emotional brain. They range from more inward brain centered origins to more reflex
or environmental oriented origins. That is, one theory says that emotions come from the inside whereas
others say that emotions are created by reacting to what happens in the outside world. Which of the two
is correct? Where do our emotions actually come from? How do these related to our body language?
We cover these next.
Our amygdala is a part of the brain that has been shown to be the core structure of our emotions and it
is closely tied to our body function. The amygdala decodes the information received from our senses
and initiates adaptive behaviours through connections to the motor system (our body). Plenty of
research shows how this area of the brain is particularly adept at reading facial emotions and decoding
them. Other research has identified a structure called the “mirror neuron” found in the brain that
triggers a mirror response and causes us to imitate facial expressions. Mirror neurons work regardless

of our consciously awareness and in so doing induces us to imitate other people’s expressions. This
partially explains why we are negatively affected by people in our company whom persistently scowl
or frown. In the long term, negativity usually grates on us to the extent that we often feel a need to
actively address others who hold these positions, and if that address proves impossible, we resort to
isolating ourselves from them. We do so to protect ourselves from negative and destructive emotions
that can permeate our thoughts. Attitudes exempted, even facial expressions of the people we surround
ourselves with play a big role on how we tend to see the world. The contagion of negative emotions,
thoughts and body language is probably a large player in the recent success of the positive thinking
movement. Here, a reverse tact is used to “think” positive, and so be positive, and promises that
success and riches will follow.
The brain and body are closely linked and it is difficult to “untie” them from one another. Telling a lie
is difficult when holding honest gestures, such as palms exposed, and similarly, it is difficult to have a
negative attitude while dancing spryly. The actions the body performs tends to bleed through into the
mind and create positive or negative feelings. Even laughing, done for no good reason, can put
someone in a good mood because it helps release all sorts of positive hormones.
Body language, for this reason, is very powerful. As we learn the gestures associated with opened and
closed minds, we can create positive changes in ourselves. We can even induce emotional changes in
others through the use of mirroring, as we shall see in a later chapter. Just by uncrossing the arms, or
unfurrowing the brow, can make us not only appear more open and happy, but also make us feel that
way. Smiling, even if one is not in the mood, can be particularly effective because it can set the
framework by which an interaction might take place. So to provide a quick answer to our initial
question, emotions likely have inward and outward forces with varying strengths. With some practice
we can either resist outward stimuli, or adopt them, or can induce inward stimuli and emit them.
Having the ability to spot reasons for bad moods and body language can allow us to replace them with
more positive body language helping us feel happier.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
How The Lymbic System Affects Body
Language
The limbic system is a set of brain centers including the amygdale, hippocampus, anterior thalamic
nuclei, and limbic cortex. These structures in collection handle emotion, behavior, long term memory
and olfaction or the sense of smell. In 1952 researcher Paul MacLean started using terms to divide the
brain by function and what he thought was their origin. He called collections of the brain the “reptilian
brain” which included the base of the brain and brain stem, the “mammalian brain” or the limbic brain
and the “neocortex” or human brain. Scientists have proposed that the brain has evolved from a
primitive reptilian brain to the more complex neocortex. By examining images of the brain, it become
apparent to scientists that the brain has “stacked” specialized structure upon specialized structure in
what seems like a progress through time. Think of how rocks form through sedimentation over time,
and you have a rough idea of how brains have evolved. By moving inwards from the outer layers of the
brain to the center it has been theorizes that one is moving back in time to the original “primitive”
brain. This is why the center brain is called the reptilian (original, less complex) brain whereas the
neocortex (“neo” meaning new, more complex) which the mammalian brain, is located on the outside.
As it applies to nonverbal behaviour, it is the limbic brain that is responsible because it reacts naturally

to the world around us, and the stimulus it contains. Behaviours produced by the limbic brain, over say
behaviours that are controlled by the neocortex, are a true honest response. In other words, the limbic
brain controls emotional body language so it’s our best gauge to indicate what the body is really
feeling. It is the limbic brain that controls the arms, feet, hands, heads, and torsos when someone is
feeling embarrassed or ashamed, sad, fearful, excited or happy. The limbic brain is hardwired into our
nervous system and goes back in time with us through our evolution.
While our neocortex can at times suppress the limbic brain, it can only do so when it is no occupied
doing other things. The neocortex is in charge of doing complex conscious tasks (like calculus,
engineering, and so forth), so when it is overwhelmed or turned off entirely, the body accidentally leaks
emotional body language for others to read. The neocortex, because it is under conscious control, is the
least reliable and least honest part of the brain. Research shows that the neocortex is the most active
part of the brain during deception which is why it has been called the “lying brain.” Cheats might be
able to control the words they use to describe their thoughts, but they can’t control their visceral
reactions to these words, nor can they control their expressions stemming from this motivation. This is
exactly how and why we can catch liars, read fear, stress, sadness, anger and so on.Chapter 1 - Why
The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Faking Body Language And Microexpressions
Is body language a “learnable skill” and can it therefore be faked? The answer is yes and no. The vast
majority of the more prevalent body language can be learned. For example, keeping your hands out of
your pockets or using the hands expressively to remain honest and open, or keeping the hands away
from the face to come off as more confident as easily learned through conscious thought and repetition.
However, a new area of study reveals that there is a whole new set of cues that are much more difficult
to control, if not impossible.

A furrowed forehead can happen in a split second and reveal negative emotions.
These are called microexpressions or microsignals. These signals can be used to decipher liars from
truth tellers. Microexpressions appear as furrows, smirks, frowns, smiles and wrinkles and can offer an
accurate, though fleeting, window into emotions. These microexpressions are controlled by muscles
such as the fontalis, corregator and risorius and they are provoked by underlying emotions that are
nearly impossible to control consciously. One of these emotions is the fake smile to show appeasement
in lieu of genuine joy or happiness. The fake smile is obvious, as will see later, because the lips are

pulled across the mouth, but the muscles controlling the eyes, play no part.
With specialized computer software, researchers have been able to detect these signals. Computers
were employed because the signals flash across the face in fractions of seconds making it hard for
humans to pick the signals up consciously. Slowing down video on high speed video cameras and
playing it back repeatedly to observers can also be used to detect the expressions. So part of the story is
that microexpressions are difficult to detect and control but the rest of the story tells us that if they exist
(and they do), that we must at some level have evolved the ability to read and detect them. Therefore,
we must be cautious about assuming that just because they happen so fast, that they can’t be picked up
and conversely that we can easily fake our way through the nonverbal channel. It just might be that the
subconscious intuition is hard at work giving us that sixth sense feeling that can’t trust someone despite
not quite being able to put to words. The reason, it seems, is a combination of microexpressions and
our intuition.
Some researchers will tell us that the face is the easiest part of our bodies to control, but this isn’t
entirely true and is a poor excuse for the full story. If our faces were so easily controlled, why have
botox treatments to freeze up our faces with low level toxins in order to erase wrinkles? Why not just
stop using the muscles altogether and therefore avoid suffering from facial wrinkles during the aging
process? The simple answer is that it’s not the simple. While our faces are in fact under a large part
under our control, we can’t always be focused on it, lest we not be able to focus on anything else. Not
the least of which is controlling our speech. Can you imagine what it would be like to construct
sentences free-form while trying to remain expressive but at the same time avoid contracting
“inappropriate” facial muscles (whatever they might be)? When we talk or see, or do, our faces
naturally respond to what is going on around us because they are closely tied to our mind and our
emotions. It is a cause and effect relationship, or even an arms race, and it precisely because the face
provides such a vast amount of information, that we are so tuned into reading it.
Other ways to spot a fake is with regards to incongruent body language. That is, language that is
inconsistent with either, the words being spoken, and the nonverbal language that accompanies it.
Women are particularly adept at reading the whole picture since they are naturally more perceptive, can
usually pick up on the subtleties in others more quickly then men and have been shown by research to
be able to perform multiples tasks at once. To women, something just won’t seem right, their sense will
“tingle.” We call this the “female intuition”, but thankfully, with practice men can develop their skills
just as readily and that is what this book is all about.

Turtling is a limbic response to confrontation. The head sinks, shoulders shrug, and the body takes on a
smaller form to avoid being seen as a threat.
When you think of the limbic brain imagine the autonomic response that happens when we are startled
by a loud bang. Naturally our bodies tense up, our heads duck into our torsos and our hands are pulled
inward while our nervous system puts our heart into high gear through a dose of adrenaline. It is the
same part of the brain that makes the feet fidget or hands shake when excited, or makes our hands
sweat when under pressure. Our limbic brain also goes into hyper-drive when we see a distant relative

after years apart, or when someone wins the lottery or gets a strong hand in poker. No matter what we
do, we can’t stop this from happening. I will add too, that with some practice we can learn to hide, or
minimize even these reptilian behaviours such as clasping the hands together to reduce shaking when
excited, or tucking the legs in behind a chair to lock them in place when someone really wants to flee.
However, even this body language shows the neocortex trying to override the reptilian brain and in so
doing producing yet another stream of body language for us to read. At the scene of an accident we
fully expect to see the limbic system take over producing trembling, nervousness, and discomfort.
What would First Responders be left thinking if they showed up at an “accident” where the caller was
relaxed and calm, yet the victim lay strewn about, dying and bloodied? Naturally, the police would
think something was amiss and would pull the witness aside as a prime suspect for a crime. Therefore,
we should always look for limbic responses and tie them to context so we know when something is not
right. When limbic responses stop, we know that the stimulus for their creation has also stopped, so we
must then find out the reason.
The limbic brain is the part of the brain that controls our root processes. To put this into perspective,
imagine the activities in the repertoire of a lizard. Being cold blooded, he seeks sun when possible to
speed up his metabolism, eats when hungry, drinks when thirsty, either freezes, flees, or fights when
scared, and has sex when horny. He does not do calculus or engineer tall skyscrapers because he does
not have the capacity, but this notwithstanding; he survives, because his limbic mind tells him
everything necessary to do so. In evolutionary terms, so too does our limbic mind. It tells us when to be
scared and what to do about it, be it freeze and reduce movement so as to get under the radar of
assailants, to run and so get our feet pointed in the right direction, to get our hearts pumping to run and
so on. It also controls root emotions – it tells our feet to move and jump with joy, and fidget in
preparation to leave when bored.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
The Mirror Neuron
When people “jive,” they are in agreement, and this commonality leads to liking. In this photo we see a
couple mirroring each other by drinking in unison.
The discovery of the mirror neuron happened by accident at the University of Parma in Italy by
researchers Giacomo Rizzolatti and Vittorio Gallese. They were studying the planning and movement
activity in monkey brains and found that a specific set of neurons responded when monkeys grasped a
peanut while other neurons altogether fired when they ate the peanut. When one of the researchers
reached for a peanut to give to the monkey, they observed the monkey’s brain react as if it where the
monkey who was reaching for it. They found that the same regions of the monkey’s brain activated
whether the action was performed by the monkey or if the action was simply observed by the monkey.
The mirror neuron was an important discovery, but one that happened completely by chance.
In follow up studies, the mirror neuron has been directly observed in other primates and even birds.
Researchers conclude that it very likely exists in the minds of humans as well. However, the mirror
neurons in the human brain are much more difficult to study because isolating single neurons is
impossible. In animals, the neuron fires when an animal acts and also when they view another animal
act. Studies show us that the neuron therefore fires as if the motion was actually performed, when in
reality the movement was merely observed. Similarly, brain scans of human’s show that areas of the
brain light up when they view others performing actions. These are the same areas that would light up
had the action been performed. Today, it is generally agreed that there is no such single neuron at work,
but rather a network of neurons working together making the “mirror neuron” a bit of a misnomer.
The origins of the “mirror neuron” might stem from imitative learning. By observing people
performing actions we could pick up skills instead of having to learn the actions all on our own. In
other words, mirroring allowed us to learn vicariously which is a much quicker way to learn and also
less dangerous. Just imagine having to learn to use a sharp knife or chainsaw having never seen one
used, nor what either is capable of doing, either to a tomato or tree trunk. Another possible reason for

these class of neurons might be related to empathy and emotion since the neurons might help us
connect with others. For example, when we view pictures of people who display happiness, disgust,
fear or pain, we react to them as if we had felt it ourselves. This ability to connect with people, even
strangers, has an important function in our daily lives since it allows us to build and hold relationships,
creates sympathy, and inhibit fighting.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
The Benefits Of Subconscious Mirroring
If you haven’t yawned yet, you’re active mind is working hard to suppress it!
The more attention we give to an action during observation, the more likely we are to copy the
behaviour. Take traveling abroad, for example, where a constant exposure to accents eventually sees us
adopting it presumably to fit in better. It’s been shown too, that the more we imitate other people, the
more we tend to like them and presumably the more they like us. It works in reverse as well since the
more we like them the more we imitate them. Mirroring and imitation therefore is a salient
characteristic in our nonverbal communication and shows others that we like and are connecting with
them.
In 2000 Swedish researcher Dr. Ulf Dimberg exposed volunteers to frowning, smiling and
expressionless faces. They were then told to react to them in various ways. When they saw a smiling
face, they were sometimes asked to smile back and other times to frown back. The researchers found
that it was difficult for the subjects to remain expressionless to a face that appeared happy or angry and
even more difficult to smile at sad faces or make sad faces at laughing faces. The theory was advanced
that our unconscious minds exerts much more control over our faces then we think. While it was
somewhat possible to control the subject’s reactions, it required a great deal of mental power to reverse
their natural tendencies. The study showed that even when we could control our emotions, minute
spontaneous twitches still revealed true responses, and in every case, mirroring was the natural

tendency.
The research on the reasoning behind the mirror reflex remains obscure for the moment, but this
doesn’t mean we should ignore it. In fact, we should be very careful about our facial expressions and
gestures since they will necessarily have a profound effect on others. Our expressions and body
gestures illicit similar responses from others, so if we want to make people happy, we should smile
more and use more expressive body language. In turn, others around us will naturally mimic our
gestures.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Virtual Body Language
The original emoticon for happiness. It’s called a SMILE!
Dr. Yee and his colleagues conducted research out of Stanford University in 2007 into the online

gaming industry. He revealed some interesting findings as they apply to massive role playing games
such as “Second Life.” In these games, users create personalized characters and interact with other
players in a rule-free environment. Characters are free to interact as they please, have houses,
automobiles, jobs and attend social gatherings. There are no set parameters to these interactive games
yet Dr. Yee found that users still followed set non-verbal rules. That is, male characters tended to hold
larger distances between other males and females tended to hold less distance between themselves and
other females. Male characters also maintained less eye contact with other males whereas females did
not. His research also draws attention to other social norms such as avoiding interactions with more
eccentric characters. In one case, it was a naked character in a city park setting.
It seems therefore that non-verbal body language norms are so engrained in us through our culture and
genetics that we bring these into environments that aren’t even real showing that body language is
potent and ubiquitous!
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
The Types Of People You Will Read – Introverts
Vs. Extroverts
There are essentially two types of personalities that exist in the world around us. They are introverted
and extroverted each type have a subset called “OK” and “Not OK” (which is discussed next).
Introverted describes a personality that is inward thinking, they recover from life by being with
themselves and reflecting. The will normally enjoy nature or a good book, prefer quiet areas where not
a lot of people distract them. These people will often be found alone and prefer jobs that don’t involve
a lot of people and that they can do independently. Being introverted doesn’t mean that a person is
antisocial and it’s not a personality deficiency, it only means that someone is more comfortable being
alone with their own thoughts than being in the spotlight. Extroverted people are the very opposite.
They find social situations necessary and stimulating and “recharge” by hanging out with friends or
going out. The like being in busy places like malls or city cores, in acting outwardly and garnering
attention through telling jokes or acting funny.
Physiologists now believe that there is an actual physical difference between the nervous system of
introverts and extroverts. Introverts are more easily stimulated by social interactions and quickly
become oversaturated to the point where they become agitated and feel a need to withdraw. Extroverts
can’t find enough stimulation and constantly need to find people to be around, and socialize with, and
use social contact to feel satisfied. How you use your time most often will tell you which of the two
personality types you are. With every classification, there are variants however, and people can be a
mix of the two or can fall in at the extremities.
The body language of introverts in public places will be rigid; they will zone out more quickly or find
quiet places and park themselves. They are at ease being alone even when at parties and might even
take breaks away from the noise to ‘chill out’. They’ll spend more time at home and less time in
nightclubs. The nonverbal language of the introvert will show more closed body positions. Their
shoulders will pull in, they will orient their bodies away from others, they might be less animated and
they will often be the first to stop speaking and resort to listening or observing others instead. They
might even keep their distance more frequently, be soft spoken, initiate touch on others less and avoid
eye contact. Extroverts are the opposite and tend to spontaneously turn toward people, they will start up
conversations with random people, they will touch more in conversation and talk more frequently to

keep the conversation going. They’ll use more gestures in speech in attempts to draw attention to
themselves and generally take up more space. They will also tend to move about a room more and
jump from person to person trying to get as much stimulation from others as possible. A quick test to
verify extroversion from introversion is to watch how people break gaze. Generally speaking an
introvert will break their gaze by looking to the right whereas extroverts will break their gaze to the
left. This fact alone suggests that the differences we see between these two personality types has less to
do with environment and more to do with how the brains are hardwired.
To work productively with the introverted, formulate groups as small as possible. For the introverted
one on one represents the best scenario. Set up meetings in quiet areas with little distraction. Maintain
as much space as possible, talk quietly, reduce eye contact, use touch infrequently or not at all. To work
with the extroverted do the exact opposite. Talk louder with more expressions, touch frequently, be
dynamic, move in closer, and give plenty of eye contact. Extreme extroverts and extreme introverts will
be happiest at the end of their respective spectrum.
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
OK vs. Not Ok Personality Traits
Dr. Eric Berne, the founder of the psychological school of Transactional Analysis (abbreviated TA)
coined the terms “OK” and “Not OK” to describe two essential types of people. The “OK” types are
secure and confident in who they are and carry little emotional “baggage” whereas the “Not OK” types
are insecure about themselves and often feel inferior. Dr. Berne also helped to define certain terms that
were important in studying social interaction. When two people meet eventually one of the persons will
acknowledge the presence of the other person. He called this the “transactional stimulus” where a
“transaction” refers to a conversation between people. When people interact to each other, they talk or
express nonverbal body communication, they issue a “transactional response”. Those that are
(obsessively) interested in social dynamics often begin to think of interactions down to the unit. These
definitions, however, are merely presented for interest sake, since for our purpose they aren’t terribly
important.
Berne’s approach was much different from that of Freud who though perhaps too simplistically, that he
could learn everything about someone just by asking them, and then listening to their response. Berne
felt that therapists could learn more about people by watching their body language and facial
expressions instead of words by themselves.
Eric Berne published a very popular and interesting book called Games People Play in 1964. To date it
has sold over five million copies. The book describes the function and dysfunction that happens in
human interactions. Without getting into too much detail, let’s look at one example of a game.
The example I wanted to bring forward makes light of how we control our interactions with people by
the tone and words we choose. As a boss, if we attack an employee by taking up a controlling
“parental” role we will normally elicit a childish tantrum in return. The real way to deal with adult
situations is to attack them from a constructive integrity based position where we act like “adults”.
Adult actions normally yield adult responses, but as we see in Berne’s book, not everyone uses the best
framework to work through life. As he sees it, some people get stuck between three ego states, the
“Parent”, “Child” and “Adult”. Berne outlines well over ninety games that people play, some good, but
mostly bad. He defines games as social interactions that are counterproductive. Today, there are few
ardent followers that use the TA approach in any rigid way, even the ego states have been scrutinized,
however, the principles of the method do help us look at how we run our lives and the ways we hold

ourselves back through games we play with ourselves and others. He also ran a results-based
framework which was new to psychiatry at the time and says that if it’s not working for you and you
aren’t getting the results you want, change it!
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Using Body Language To Get The Results You
Want!
A confident posture includes having the shoulders back and upright, head up and level and a well
balances body. Confident people move freely without hesitation, make appropriate gestures, and hold
smiles often. People that lack confidence will walk with a hunched back, they will be careless with
their arm gestures, will sulk and frown, and their head will droop. They often appear sad or tired and
the frown lines in their face will depend with time producing permanent wrinkles. Often they aren’t
much fun to be around and seem to be taking every chance to drag you others around them down.
However, far from acting consciously, people who lack confidence are acting out of habit and routine.

Subconscious facial expressions can make people think you don’t like them which might be opposite to
what you intend. In this case, we see ‘scorn.’
Part of the power behind body language stems from its direct connection to someone’s overall
disposition, how life has treated them, and also how they treat life in return. Since all people face
challenges confident body language tells others if a person actively takes control of their life or lets life
push them around.

If you meet a “Not OK” person you will subconsciously feel uneasy or suspicious. Sometimes people
put on a good temporary show but within a few minutes their bodies relax only to revert back to their
natural dispositions. We instinctively know this and read it, but don’t always bring it to our active
consciousness to process it. Have you ever asked others what your body language portrays? Do you
hold certain gestures that make you look unapproachable or negative?
One of my wife’s friends consistently receives negative comments about her scowls despite being an
extremely kind hearted person. However her natural face appears ‘bitchy’, so much so that it’s her
defining feature and one that is joked about by those that really know her. This example raises an
important point. Our bodies leak information without our consent and when we aren’t receiving the
results we want, we should do something proactive about it. From an outside perspective, people think
that her face really shows inner turmoil and then discount her kindheartedness even on a first
impression. It is her facial expressions that set the tone with others, even before she has the chance to
speak. She then must work extra diligently to reverse the first impression she creates. People naturally
perceive those that hold negative facial expressions and body language to be holding a grudge. This
story outlines the importance of monitoring our gestures and facial expressions to convey the types of
feelings we wish to show the world and achieve the results we desire. Thus, while I don’t know this
person well enough to explain this trait to her without offending her, others have, but with only
mediocre results. At least now she is aware of what impression she makes, so she can resolve matters
more quickly if she senses negativity from others. With just a modest change she could reap immense
results.
The point here is that if you hold negative body language, it’s not yet too late to fix things so hold your
head up high and watch people around you begin to treat you better. Sit more upright, swing your arms,
smile more and despite inner feelings, start acting happy. Body language is a great way to ‘fake it until
you make it’. Holding confident body language makes us feel confident so let’s use our bodies to
change the patterns in our brains.

Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Why We Should Picture People Naked!
How does this posture appear fully nude?
My final thought in this opening chapter should keep your imagination in full gear because I am about

to recommend that you do something naughty to become more proficient at reading body language. I’m
instructing you to picture your body language subjects as if they were totally nude! Body language cues
came about over our evolutionary history, so it naturally follows that they developed without clothing
or coverings. Imagine, for example, a full body steeple where the arms are placed behind the head and
the body leans back with the legs spread wide open – a crotch display! It is the way a proud (or
arrogant) man sits to put his full package on display. True, it is slightly less offensive with clothing on,
but it still carries the exact same meaning since its true intentions were delivered as if the clothing were
absent. Picturing people naked helps us to think about not just the message, but also the route behind
the message. Men who hold their legs spread wide open are perceived as arrogant but women who hold
the exact same posture will be thought of as sexually open or “easy.” While each party might not
specifically intend to deliver this message, it matters little to how others subconsciously perceive them.
What is her body saying with it’s “openness.”
Arrogance and sexual openness are not the only gestures that are made more salient by picturing people
naked but they are the most dramatic. We can also picture meek gestures in the same way. Women that
place their hands over their laps are doing so for just the opposite reason as do women who spread their
legs, they do so to hide or protect their genitals for view or from access. The same intention is obvious
when women fold their arms over their chest. They are trying to hide and protect their breasts since
someone or something has made them withdraw and has made them insecure. Naturally, their arms
fold, one over the other, and they hide from view something important to them. There will be times
though, when protection isn’t the reason, arm crossing due to being cold is one of them. We will
discuss the importance of context in this regard in more detail later. There are other times still, when
women put themselves on full display. Women do so by walking with their hips forward and chest
back. This is called the parade and her intension is to have men and subordinate women take notice. If
you have trouble visualizing this, put it in the context of the local nightclub. Suddenly you see that it
follows naturally, and next time at a bar, you might actually notice it in an authentic context.
While we are on the subject of nudity, think about how and where we hold our possessions. A handbag
can be held to our sides, but equally, it can be placed on our laps or held to our chest. Handbags
therefore, can have a protective shielding purpose, as do other objects in our environment and some
women will even admit this as fact by tell you that they feel naked without one! Desks can be used as

arricades to block ourselves from view and chairs with backs can be used in full on assault by turning
them backwards and straddling them, putting the “boys” or “girls”, on full display. Then from the
security of our seated position we can toss verbal arrows and spears. People who sit in this way are
obviously aware of being fully clothed and most certainly wouldn’t sit this way while naked, but that’s
not the point. The point is that people continue to sit this way despite holding the evolutionary
hardwiring telling them that the way they are sitting is offensive. Someone that is defensive, on the
other hand, will use desks, walls, doors, or other barriers to protect and hide themselves rather than
flaunt. You can think of shields such as handbags or jackets like towels, objects that we use fresh out of
the shower to block our private areas from view and appropriately conceal our modesty. An excellent
example of a real life “towel” and one that is very commonly used during presentations is the podium.
Most would say that it is a great place to store our notes and an area to place the microphone, and
nothing more, but in reality it’s a place of refuge that public speakers us to escape full view of the
crowd. Only the most confident speakers who are accustomed to being exposed in front of large
audiences will move about a stage for everyone to see.
So in summary, do as any amateur public speaker is recommended to do, when in doubt, and to make
the points expressed in this book more salient, picture your targets naked!
Chapter 1 - Why The Study Of Body Language Is Important
Summary – Chapter 1
In this opening chapter we have looked at some body language primers. Hopefully you have grabbed a
hold of the frame of mind necessary to read body language. Not all reading comes naturally, but then
again, reading people is not as difficult as it can be made out to be. We have looked at how to use this
book; as not only a guide, but as a tool, an encyclopedia. It might not flow exactly in your ideal, but of
which, can be used in varying sequences and be revisited from time to time as a refresher. In fact, this
book should be revisited again and again. You will be surprised just how much you pick up the second
and third time around!
We have learned that it is the first four minutes that often dictate life-long impression we have with
others, how fortune tellers are like horses, how to read someone cold, how the mind mirrors through its
neurons and the body and brain are linked, the vital importance of the limbic systems and how it is
paramount in creating honest body language, and what it really means to read people. We also covered
the difference between “OK” types and “Not OK” types as well as introverted versus extroverted, and
how this can affect body language. From there it became more obvious to understand how to get the
desired results with our new tools and how it can be difficult to fake body language due to
microexpressions. Finally, we advanced a ‘fail safe’ technique which implied that looking at people as
if they were nude can tell us a lot about body language and helps make reading a more common sense
practice.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Introduction – Chapter 2
Mastery of anything begins by first learning the basics, and body language is no different. A solid
structure can not be built without first forming and pouring a solid foundation. This chapter is aimed at
accomplishing just that, as we tackle the basic, but very important rules of body language. It might
seem as though reading body language is as easy and simple as just reading cues and postures, but it
isn’t. At times it can be downright confusing, although the aim here is to simplify the language by
breaking it apart then reassembling it, but not until the cues are first put through a strong filter. One of
the filters we use is based on the five cardinal rules of body language which says that we need to use
the rule of four. This rule tells us that we need at least four related cues to form a conclusion. We also
need the cues to ‘jive’ called congruence, they must be taken in context, fit along some baseline of
behaviour and finally must not be filter through a bias, meaning that they must be true rather than
created fictitiously for an ulterior purpose. We will examine the five cardinal rules in detail in the pages
to follow.
Just like regular spoken language or written language, silent speech or nonverbal communication also
has what is called flow. Body language has rhythm, syntax and all the other nuances associated with
general communication and ignoring this flow is akin to throwing away valuable information. We will
also see that body language is much more reliable than spoken words because people generally pay
little attention to it, and because of this, people will monitor it less readily allowing it to appear
naturally and untainted. We will see that when body language and spoken language contradict one
another, we should rely more heavily on what is happening non-verbally.
We will also cover the differences in body language reading ability between men and women, how age
can influences reading, which may or may not be surprising and how leaders or alpha members of our
society call the shots even when it comes to body language. We will touch a bit on good posture, how
best to use touching, and how body language relieves pent up energy and displaces it. Finally we will
touch briefly on the meaning of fashion and how it plays into nonverbal communication.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
The Five Cardinal Rules Of Body Language
Is she cold, or angry?
Single gestures by themselves can not reveal the true meaning of the situation. There are many more
factors that play into reading people then just identifying single cues. When people move, they are fluid
and changing, so too are their moods and context. One must use the full picture to discover the story.
The ‘rule of four’, congruency, context, baselining, and intuition are the five cardinal rules that any
body language master must abide by and we cover them next.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
The Rule Of Four
Are there enough cues to justify a conclusion in this case?
The rule of four, and it’s an important one, says that you can’t attach meaning to a single gesture and

accurately judge a person. The rule of four calls on us to read cues alongside other cues commonly
referred to as “cue clusters” before drawing conclusions. The more cues that appear in association with
other cues, the more accurate one can be about the underlying meaning. It isn’t impossible to see cue
clusters in the six’s and sevens or higher. However, most agree that four independent signals is enough
to positively identify true meaning.
Sitting with arms tightly pressed against the chest can mean that a person is uncomfortable, but it can
also mean that a person is cold! Scratching the nose or face can mean that a person is lying or it could
actually have an obvious purpose; to alleviate an itch! However, touching the nose, wiping the mouth
in a down-stroke, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting tells us that something dishonest is probably going
on. Another example of a cue cluster is as follows: crossing the legs by bringing one foot over the
opposite leg (the figure-four leg cross), fingers interlinked together (steepling), leaning back in the
chair, and tilting the head back and looking down through the nose at others. This cluster shows
arrogance and superiority. However, just the figure four, which is a mild crotch display on its own,
means very little. The figure-four-leg-cross only tells us that the crotch has been put on display, but
does not necessarily attach meaning to the gesture and indicate arrogance. To some, this posture might
not even mean that, it just may be a comfortable way for them to sit.
In all cases, gestures are just gestures and nothing more. It is our targets, the creators, who, knowingly
or accidentally, attach meaning or emotions to gestures; it is the senders who are in charge of the
delivery phase, and we, as readers, who are in charge of the deciphering phase of the transaction. In
other words, it is the sender who is responsible for the message and the meaning entirely, the reader is a
passive entity that should never project meaning, especially from that which is not present. That’s not
to say that a reader would try to create emotions inaccurately, as this would be counterproductive, but
rather that it would be a mistake to bring a gestures to the consciousness of a target and then try to
persuade them that their intentions are different from that which is actually true. In many cases,
however, you may find that targets won’t be aware of their true emotions anyway and will generally be
uncomfortable to be made aware of their subconscious gestures, so reads are best kept to one’s self.
Just like you wouldn’t show your cards in poker game, you shouldn’t actively show off your body
language skills. Reads, and the skills in this book, are much more powerful if kept a secret.
Not all body movement has hidden meaning either. Sometimes our bodies are quiet and do no talking at
all. It is normal for novice readers of body language to immediately begin to see body language cues
creep into consciousness, but it’s a mistake to assume that all gestures suddenly have hidden meaning
and get carried away with reckless diagnosis.
Let’s take another cue cluster: arms crossed tightly over the chest, legs crossed, head down and
shoulders pulled inward. Our conclusion here is that our target is uncomfortable and is closing off the
outside world. As signals are removed from this cluster we can be less certain of their emotional
origins. Legs crossed with head down can mean just about anything, but even if we add in shoulders
pulled inward, it does not provide solid evidence of anything underlying. What we really need here is
the fourth, the arms pulled in tight against the body, to really give us enough information to justify a
conclusion. The other cues by themselves are closed body postures, but they can be due to other
factors. Leg crossing can sometimes even demonstrate interest, as is the case when they are crossed
toward a girlfriend or boyfriend (rather then away) for example. The rule-of-four says that we need a
“preponderance of evidence”, a term borrowed from the civil judiciary system. We have preponderance
of evidence, not when we have achieved absolute unquestionable or irrefutable data, but instead,
happens when we have superior weight in our favour and in this case, four independent cues is plenty
of weight.
This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, or that we shouldn’t read people who only exhibit one or two
cues. Reason being that the damage that might occur from an inaccurate read is likely very small so

long as we keep it internalized. We can still make educated guesses or employ “working hypothesis”
that can change with additional information as it is collected. One or two cues is sometimes all we get.
Older people, who naturally have more controlled and subtle affect, and people learned at controlling
their body language, such as public figures, only emit very subtle, fleeting or few nonverbal cues. In
this subset of very controlled and practiced people, we often only see cues that are accidentally leaked,
which in and of themselves are important, perhaps even more so then complete cue clusters in regular
people. The caution here is to avoid premature conclusions on weak data especially when the stakes are
high and that sometimes a gesture isn’t anything more than a gesture.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Congruence
Honest hands – palms up, but what happens next?

Hands return to pockets indicate dishonesty and is incongruent with the intended meaning.
The word congruence, as it relates to body language, refers to the degree to which body language cues
in a person matches one another in terms of their meaning. If, for example, one is speaking honestly
with the palms up (an honest gesture) we can say that the body language and verbal language are
congruent. That is, honest words match up with honest body language. A child with their hands in their
pockets (dishonest gesture) speaking about how they didn’t steal a cookie is incongruent since their
body language does not match their verbal language.

We regularly place more importance on what words are used rather than how others gestures in their
delivery, but this is a mistake. When we don’t have congruency and the verbal language doesn’t match
the nonverbal gestures we should always place more importance on the nonverbal channel. Credence
should almost always be given to nonverbal language over spoken words since the research tells us that
it is often more accurate. When people plan lies they often rehearse the sentences and in what sequence
they will deliver them, but they often ignore or disregard gestures that will accompany them. While we
monitor our spoken words, our unconsciousness can leak unwanted information through our bodies.
However, even if people were consciously aware that their body language gave them away, they would
not know what to do since most people are completely unaware of the meaning their body conveys.
Politicians can leak information through congruency and this can give them away, although most
politicians today are quite learned in body language. We should be suspicious of politicians, however,
when they have their arms tightly folded against their chest while saying that they are open to change
or to a door-to-door salesman that swears his life on a product but wipes downward with his hand as if
to clear the lie. Another example is the cheating husband who tries to pass off a late meeting and then
pulls at his neck tie, collar or scratch his neck indicating stress.
Sometimes however, knowledge about body language just comes off as less expressiveness. The body
language thus tends to be much more controlled and subdued because it’s much easier to eliminate
body language altogether then it is to add honest body language. However, even reduced
expressiveness helps us read people because a relaxed and natural politician is more likely to be telling
the truth. Therefore, even reserved body language can be a ‘tell’ to those who are in tune. Congruency
therefore, is very important because it is a clear comparison between two communication channels, the
verbal and nonverbal. When words are mismatched against the body language, we can be sure
something dishonest is at play and these hints should instigate us, at minimum, to pay closer attention.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Context
Touching the nose is associated with lying, but maybe she’s got a runny nose.
Context is another important factor to consider while reading people. We often hear about verbal

statements that are taken out of context and in this same way, we can take nonverbal language out of
context as well. “That guy was obviously lying, he was scratching his face and neck and could barely
sit still” might be accurate when being grilled by a panel of the media over missing fund money, but in
the context of being attacked by a swarm of killer bees, not accurate at all!
Concluding that someone is cold hearted from a single meeting is another case of ignoring context. We
often think people are shy after a first meeting, but are surprised that over time they open up and are
actually quite expressive and talkative. However, what we fail to realized at the time might be that
during an initial meeting, our subject of interest hadn’t been acquainted with any of the other twenty
people in the group and as a natural consequence we acting as any normal person would. Temperature
can also play havoc on cues of openness. Someone who crosses their arms tightly and crunches up
could be defined as closed or aloof, but they also might be cold. Conversely, removing a jacket could
mean that a person is warming up to others but could also mean that they are overheating.
Single events taken as all encompassing can set us up for problems in the future. A brief meeting in one
location, with one set of people, centered on one task can not define any person. Single meetings only
show how a person reacts on that day, based on whatever happened before then to set their mood and
with whomever happens to be there. People are very complex, and so we must give them plenty of
opportunity to display their true selves before drawing solid conclusions. This does not mean that what
we gather on each occasion is useless, but rather that it needs to be compared across many situations
before it can be used accurately. Until similar patterns develop across many different situations, take
isolated incidents for what they really are. Predictive power happens through repeating patterns across
many events and in many contexts.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Baselining
Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Baselining is probably one of the most important and often overlooked aspects of reading body
language. It refers to the “normal” motions that populate the repertoire of each and every person on the
planet. Normal here is the operative word. We can’t even begin to read someone until we first have
their baseline pegged. For example, to read someone that is normally flighty and constantly moving, as
agitated is wrong since they are merely acting out their particular “idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviour.”
That is, the body language that is particular to specific people and that makes up their repertoire, or
basket of cues considered normal for them. This person might be flighty or high strung by nature but
they certainly can’t be constantly agitated by nature as our nervous systems can’t tolerate perpetual
stress. A person high strung by nature who seemingly freezes instantly is telling us based on their
baseline that something is up. Baselining tells us that a condition in their environment has changed and
it has affected them. It now becomes our job to detect the cause for the change.
Baselining involves learning about how a person usually sits, how they use their hands to gesture,
where they place their hands while at rest and relaxed or when nervous, how they place their feet when
standing, their overall posture, how they prefer to cross their legs such as whether they cross them
equally left over right as right over left, and so on. The list to baselining is utterly endless as are the
myriad of cues that can be emitted from the human body, fraught with or, absent of, meaning.
By establishing a baseline it will be possible to catch sudden changes in body language. This is the
ultimate purpose to establishing a person’s baseline. Without catching the changes, body language loses
its ability to indicate exactly what is going on. For example, a younger brother that is acting exuberant
and ecstatic who is jumping around with joy and happiness, who, at a moments notice, finds himself in
the presence of an older brother only to suddenly cease his joyful movements, turtles his head into his
shoulders, and becomes quiet, says a lot about what kind of relationship they have been having lately.
Body language is directly linked to emotions, and so when it changes, we know that something has
cause the change, and more often than not, it will be precisely the event that preceded it.
These changes aren’t just limited to events either, they can also be tied to words spoken, or even topics.
A married couple might be carrying on amicably, but when there is mention of an ex-girlfriend, even
casually, the wife might begin to display dominant and closed body language such as crossing arms,
wagging fingers, or scolding eyes. She is indicating that this women or topic is a particular sore spot
between them and the sudden change in mood, from good to bad, tells us that it is the topic that is the
issue. Criminal investigators will frequently steer suspects off-topic (and seemingly off the record) by
talking about favourite pass-times or hobbies by example. This serves the investigator by producing
relaxed body language. Once a baseline is established interrogators begin to introduce facts
surrounding the investigation to measure their effects. They might begin with items not even connected
to the trial and then suddenly introduce a murder weapon, for example, to see if nervous body language
appears. During criminal investigations the murder weapon can be kept a secret from the public
especially early on, so only the real criminal would exhibit a visceral response to viewing it. While
these sorts of interrogations won’t directly lead to a conviction, it does provide clues for further
exploration. Like all body language, clues tell us if we are on the right track or if we’ve eliminated
leads, at least for the time being.
Those who don’t know about baselining will find it difficult to read other people who lack similar
affect to themselves since their only reference of normal is what they do or what the average person
they associate with do (which more often then not is very similar to themselves anyway since we tend
to hang out with those of like mind). People that don’t baseline won’t see people for their individual
characteristics, idiosyncrasies, culture and habits. As we work through life we should have our family,
friends, coworkers, bosses, instructors, or anyone else we interact with regularly pegged for their
baseline. This will not only make reading them easier, it will also give us “archetypes” that can be cross
referenced as comparisons. This in turn, gives us a better chance at evaluating others, even strangers,

on the spot, and in real time.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
A Caution About Biases During The Baselining
Process
Self hugging can mean that he’s shy or just a place to put his hands.
We also have inherent biases which we must be careful of when try to read other people. Our dislike of
certain people could influence us to read their language in a less then favourable light. Knowing that
this bias is an inherent possibility, can at least protect us in terms of accuracy, and set up conditions that
avoid possibly destructive fallout. This is only one factor to be careful of while reading people as it
relates to baselining. Reading lying body language, by example, is very difficult and not having
anything to compare it to essentially makes it impossible.
Poker is an excellent game that hones our nonverbal analysis of people, and the best modern day poker
players will, with the advent and popularity of televised poker, review thousands of hours of video on
their opponents. While some of the time they are watching to pick up on specific “tells” they are also
developing their baseline. By doing so, even prior to meeting them they can have some players pegged.
They can then use their baseline to determine actions, especially novel ones, that are out of the
ordinary. If you’ve ever walked into a new poker group, you understand exactly what I mean. You
might know some of the people, but usually there are others that you haven’t yet met add to this a novel
context and you’ve got your work cut out for you. Since you don’t know the other player’s baselines
you naturally end up being cautious and if you know poker cautious being “tight” can be just as bad as
being “loose”. Over time you build their character and they start to “make sense”. In everyday life we
call this process “getting to know someone” but in the body language world, we are formulating their
baseline. Baselining is really about having the ability to compare someone to themselves.

The ‘nose crinkle’ can mean a negative thought as in getting a bad card in a game of poker. I’ve,
however, seen this gesture feigned (and yes I lost the hand over this well executed bluff).
Let’s look at arm crossing or even touching the nose. Everyone thinks that arm crossing means that
someone is closed and unreceptive. This might be true for some people some of the time, but to others,
it means that they are comfortable. If I were to cross my arms, just now, would it mean I was closed?
No, it wouldn’t, it simply means that my arms are crossed. The same goes for nose touching as an
indication of lying or deception. Some people touch their nose at the end of every sentence – it’s their

idiosyncrasy. Does this mean that every word that comes from their mouth is a lie? It could be, but it is
not likely. Once we’ve caught someone in a lie we can backtrack and look at the clues that preceded the
lie and those that followed the lie to pick up on cues that might have given him away. Poker players do
just this, although for them it’s simpler since there really are only two possible scenarios, he is bluffing,
or he really has a strong hand. Video even provides professional poker players with one hundred
percent of the information at hand, there are no secrets and so baselining can happen very quickly. In
real life, things are not as obvious and there is a lot of gray in between the truth and a lie so it takes a
lot more effort do develop baselines, however with practice even novel situations with unknown people
will begin to appear similar to other past experiences and people. So baselining provides us with
information that we can use in the future when lying or any other emotional behaviour is suspected,
where we can draw from our database of “tells” and make educated guesses about the truthfulness, or
emotional state of our subject or subjects.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Baselining Versus Innate Actions
A ‘true smile,’ where the corners of they eyes crease, is difficult to fake
There are some key body language gestures which are mentioned throughout the book that don’t need

to be compare to a baseline as they tend to be innate and not learned. These gestures will give us clues
as to whether actions are currently on their natural baseline or are as a result of some other underlying
stress. Some things to consider when formulating a baseline includes a catalog of how often a person
gestures and which direction their eyes stare when they are thinking and analyzing (can be an indicator
of creative thought or recalling as we shall cover in a later chapter), how do they act when they are
successful and what do they do when they are stressed? It is difficult and probably unnecessary for me
to offer help in establishing baseline techniques since it’s a natural process that we all do daily.
However, the take home message has more to do with protecting ourselves from thinking that all
gestures in body language are universal and ubiquitous across all people. This book will help determine
cues that fall in and around the baselines of the people around you and provided educated guesses as to
their meaning, but this is not to say that each cue means the same thing for everyone.
A final word on proper establishment of baselines is to place most emphasis of a person when they are
relaxed or when they are in a normal mood and state. Don’t baseline someone when they are getting
ready to go on stage to speak in public or if they are going through a divorce, or have had a recent
death in the family. Their body language will be misleading and uncharacteristic. Definitely take
culture and intuition into your baseline, but avoid things like projecting and making assumptions.
Assumptions clog our ability to see what is really happening because we are putting our thoughts and
feelings which we have inside ourselves on someone else. Our life history and experiences do play
some purpose when we read people, but they can’t be the dominant force, so don’t let your biases
control how you read people. Keep in mind too that almost every other person will look at body
language naively. They will think that “A” means “B”, when in fact it might mean “C”, “D” or nothing
at all. As an aside, you might want to be careful about using body language to influence others, since
your signals might be misread or simply go unnoticed altogether.
So the message here is, just because so and so does this or that, it doesn’t mean one hundred percent
this or that! Compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges and him or her to his or her baseline!
This will produce a much more accurate read.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Intuition Versus Perception In Body Language:
Seeing What We Want To See
Research by Harvard Robert Rosenthal conducted in the 1960s showed how people see what they want
to see, instead of what’s really happening. In his study, he had set up two groups of students with a
maze constructed for their subjects – rats. One group of students were told that their rats where “dumb”
and the other group was told that their rates were “smart”, specifically bred to run mazes better then the
other rats. While both sets of rats performed equally as well, the students with the preconceived notion
that their rats where dumb catalogued behaviours supporting their initial impressions. The students with
the “dumb” rats found that there where lethargic and dull. The rats of the group who thought they had
smart rats documented how bright, alert and efficient the rats where as they made their way through the
maze. Clearly from this study, our preconceived notions are potent and misleading. The same pitfalls
can arise during the analysis of body language. If we truly wish to see nervous, emotional or confident
body language, we will. But if we open our minds, we might see something completely different from
what we initially expected to see.

Can this shyster ever be trusted?
Intuition includes the processing of information that we’ve obtained by observing people. When
someone says they have a “bad” feeling about someone or they feel “uneasy” or the salesman was
“slimy” they are using their intuition. Sometimes though, our intuition becomes clouded by
preconceived notions and new information is tainted or distorted. This is when reading people can
backfire to hurt us and others. When reading people it is important to clean the slate continuously and
read each cue separately. While the rule of fours says we need to add cues together to discover the true
meaning, using proper intuition without distortion, means we need to read each cue on their own. It
means we need to avoid looking for hints we can use to support our conclusion, they are either there or
aren’t there. In fact, the conclusion needs not play into the equation at all when reading but rather be a
formulated after we have analyzed all the available information.
Many optical illusions or visual tricks rely on the fact that our brains are constructed to find
information we think should be there, rather than looking at information that is actually there.
It’s easy to silence our intuition and ignore it since that little voice inside our heads is always trying to
speak out and it’s only right some of the time. Let’s take poker again as an example. We found that
baselining an individual can help in many ways most notably to help us reference behaviour, however,
it would be disastrous to continue to call or raise someone who normally bluffs just because we have a
strong hand, say a full house. In this situation, we are ignoring the current behaviour of the individual
in favour of preconceived notions about them. As the hand plays out, we find that this bluffer continues
to call even on our strongest bets, we find that sometimes they even raise or re-raise pushing the stakes
even higher. Naturally, they’ve caught a rare hand, four of a kind, and easily crushing our full house.
We’ve missed all the signals. The clues given all along were consistent with a strong position but we
failed to read it correctly because we ignored all the rules. The information coming told use to read his
moves at face value instead of modifying it to suite our needs, but at every step we ignored this. Our
filters are important in simplifying information since it’s impossible to analyze everything going on
around us, but we shouldn’t throw aside good information.
Having a good intuition is often not enough though. A “funny feeling” or “having a sense” or being
“uneasy” about someone or something has merit, but if you can’t support your intuition with support

such as postures and signals or in the case of poker “tells”, then we can’t graduate into a full reader of
body language.
When we describe our intuition to others, we also need the proper vocabulary to convey our feelings to
them. But this isn’t the only time we need to use the proper language of nonverbal reading, in fact, we
need to train the little voice inside our head to also talk us through as we read others. When I watch
someone, I can say unequivocally, that I think they are a timid, or confident or lack confidence and use
specific examples. By the end of this book and with a little bit of practice, you will be able to do the
same. As you learn, don’t be afraid to review the information in your head. Every mind is built
differently, and I have a gift (when I’m actively listening) to remember verbal dialogue that has
transpired years previous whilst recalling specific sentences used, the context and the location.
Unfortunately for others, and sometimes fortunately for me, this has made me a very powerful debater.
I can remain one hundred percent consistent in my position and use inconsistencies across the short or
long term, to point out errors in reasoning of others. I can also cite specific instances that lead me to
modified my position on things which can later help should I change my defense. Your mind might
have more visual strengths, or analytical skills, or something else to help you dissect the cues of others.
The point here is to use your strength in reading people rather then to focus on your weaknesses.
Regardless however, do be aware of your flaws as it will make you a stronger reader overall.

She really liked me, she was really showing skin…or is she just sweating to death? It’s the sender that
determines the intent of the message, not the body language reader.
Here are some final tips for reading via intuition. When in doubt, trust your gut as usually, but not
always, it’s right and can be your saviour when we can’t pinpoint specific cues. Switch your mind back
on and be more than just a casual observer of your environment. In the Sherlock Holmes book, A
Scandal in Bohemia, Holmes tells Watson that he knows there are seventeen steps leading up to Baker
Street. Watson was impressed by his observations, but it didn’t happen through magic, it was not more

than simple observation. While Watson had merely seen the steps, Holmes had actively observed them.
In a study by Simons and Chabris in 1999 out of Harvard University, Cambridge it was shown just how
poor people are as observers of their surroundings. In the study a man walked in front of a group of
students dressed in a gorilla suit while other activities took place around them. Half of the students
hadn’t even noticed the “gorilla in their midst” which aptly formed part of the title to the study! It just
goes to show that passive watching and active observing are two very different things, and this is what
will separate average body language readers that cover the material like anyone else, even recall it, but
two weeks later, become half as effective or worse, from those who build on their skills daily on their
way to mastery. Active observation is a key ingredient to reading people and it can’t be done walking
around blindfolded, however, even with a keen eye there will still be signals that go unnoticed as body
language is fluid, ever changing and sometimes never repeating, meaning you only get one shot to
catch a signal before it’s gone forever. Life is rich in detail and complex, we’d be fools to think we
could read everything, but even with minimal effort, we can still impress others, and even ourselves,
with how much can be read.
Remember too that it is always your job to determine the true intent of the sender, whatever cues they
give off. Once you’ve caught cues that you think matter, remember that it is the sender of the message
that determines it’s meaning, not the receiver.
This all sounds like a lot of work, but don’t worry, with practice your mind essential shifts back into
autopilot and the process happens naturally. With time and practice, your subconscious will pick up and
interpret skills all by itself without requiring active thought.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
The Feet Are Honest
Feet aimed toward another person says “I’m interested in YOU.”
It has been said that the feet are the most honest part of the body as it applies to the language they emit.

Millions of years ago, we gave up quadrupedalism to walk upright leaving our feet to the dirt. While
our hands busied themselves with other complex tasks like fire building, making clothing and shelters,
throwing spears our legs were relegated to more primitive activities like locomotion. The hands,
because of their opposable thumbs are more useful to complex tasks putting the thinking neocortex in
charge. This in turn hampers honest language because the thinking mind can, within reason, eliminate
the type of body language it desires.
These feet want to escape and so are turned toward the escape route.
The feet on the other hand, carried out more traditional tasks like escaping predators, avoiding hot sand
or coals from the fire, leaping from slithering snakes or poisonous spiders, or navigating rough rocking
river bottoms. The feet were therefore connected more to the reptilian brain which reacts to stimuli
directly instead of contemplating higher order tasks that require planning. When we’re frightened it
doesn’t take much to put our feet in gear by getting them tucked under our legs and coiled up, or
freezing instantly or get pulled up onto a chair when startled by a mouse that catches our eye
scampering across the shadows of a room. Our feet carry the flight or fight reaction to the letter,
although they tend to first freeze, then take flight through distancing them from negative stimuli, and if
neither is possible will begin to kick or fight. None of these tasks require high order thinking, they are
based on reaction and are immediate.
The same sorts of positive reactions can be read in the feet. For example, we know that children are
interested in play rather then eating when their legs bounce at the dinner table quickly trying to eat their
food so they don’t miss the next inning in street ball. Even if they don’t fidget the feet will still point, or
inch toward to door in effort to prepare for escape. Even the feet of adults reveal true emotions by
pointing away from boring conversations or toward a lover. Adults can also be seen “Jumping for joy”,
even if rarely such as when they are surprised by winnings at the casino slots, or are when met with a
grandson at the airport. People of all ages can seem to float on their feet showing joy, which is an
important “gravity defying” body language showing that they are excited. Young babies and toddlers,
when held by a parent who’s been absent for a short while, will kick up and down and the entire body
will jump with joy despite being confined in an embrace. None of a child’s body is as exuberant as their
legs and feet!

It is not all that surprising that our feet go unnoticed. Our faces are complicated and at times
expressive, even though we quickly learn to hide our emotions so as to deceive others. We learn early
enough that when cameras are shoved in our faces, to smile, even though we have nothing to smile
about or to “turn that frown upside down” when we are in a bad mood. Naturally we get good at
feigning emotions with our “poker faces.” Yet throughout the years, our feet pass under the radar,
tucked under tables, hidden under clothing and shoes to do menial tasks like bring us from point A to
point B and back again. Our feet and legs can display boredom through repetitive motions, joy by
lifting the body up and down, fear by being tucked under a chair, depression by laying lazily or
motionless and sensuality by being uncovered and flaunted. The list goes on.
As you read this book pay particular attention to foot and leg language which is peppered throughout,
as these will be cues that indicate true hidden meaning and emotions that is much more reliable than
other body language cues.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Negative Body Language Is Usually More
Honest
It looks like the conversation is going well, but she is gripping her arms showing negative thoughts.
When reading people we often get mixed messages. People’s faces appear genuine and honest, they
show concern, fear, disgust, or happiness but their bodies sometimes show something else altogether.
So how should we handle detecting different messages emanating from various parts of the body at the
same time? Because people often “put on a mask” as they walk through life, and because we spend so
much time focusing on the face, we learn early on to control our facial expressions. This makes the face
a particularly bad place to rely on when really trying to weed through mixed signals. What if the
“honest feet” as just discussed, conflict with messages delivered by the arms, hands and legs? Should
we just rely on the feet and concentrate on nothing else, or is there some rhyme to the reason? In actual

fact there is a class of body language that is much more reliable than another, and it has to do with the
intended meaning of the message rather than specific cues or body parts. Given the choice between
“positive” and “negative” messages, we should always rely on the negative nonverbal body language
first. This is true irrespective of where it is found, be it in the face, arms, hands, legs, feet, torso or
whatever.
It is negative body language that tells us a person’s true thoughts because society requires people to act
positively even when things aren’t going well. We are told throughout our life to “Turn that frown
upside down”, “Wipe that look off our faces” and “Smile for the camera” even when positive thoughts
are the furthest from our mind. Eventually, we get very good at masking negative emotions especially
in our faces, yet deep down the subconscious mind leaks other negative body language from various
parts of our body. Negative body language happens precisely because we don’t want it to happen; we
don’t want people to know we are upset, scared, bored, timid or in disagreement. These negative
feelings can be damaging to ourselves or to others around us so we generally mask them to keep them
to ourselves. In the long run, positive body language is desirable so it is quickly learned, and then
brushed over the canvas of our faces, while the underlying negativity just barely shows through. We
mask negative body language so we don’t appear rude or insensitive or even frail, scared or at a
disadvantage.
Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game
– hard-to-get!
You can imagine that someone who is bored with us will still smile and nod during our conversation,
yet their body will orient toward the doorway while making covert looks to their wrist watch.
Obviously, it is the negative language that is telling us that they are bored and we should ignore the
facial cover-up that is going on. Likewise, happiness cues mixed with cues of anxiety such as gripping
the arms or hands tightly indicates that a person is probably more unhappy and stressed rather than the
reverse. What do we make of a person who enthusiastically leans forward putting out his hand to shake,
then clenches his jaw tightly while saying how nice it is to finally be united once again? Chances are
pretty good that your long lost friend has some negative issues with you and that he’s not so happy to
be in your presence. Along with negative nonverbal body language as true honest indicators of feelings,
recall initial reactions, over reactions that follow, as more genuine. Honest gestures happen quickly,

sometimes even so fast that they are barely observable with the naked eye, but it is these flashes, or
“microexpressions”, that mean something predictive, much more so than more obvious gestures that
happen later on, or those that linger for some time. A small twitch of the muscles between the eyes, the
“fear muscle” forces the eyebrows together to make a grin-like gesture that reveals a true sentiment.
This expression happens so fast, it is impossible to stifle. When we get a sense of someone whom we
find isn’t “just right” and fail to trust them, it is these expressions that happen very fast that we are
sensing.
Only keen observation of the whole body, with emphasis on facial expressions will catch this type of
honest expression. Thus, the rule of thumb is to discount positive body language when it accompanies
negative body language, and be sure to catch negative body language especially if it happens first or
flashes quickly. Quick body language happens by accident, but body language that lingers happens
because people want us to see it!
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Silent Speech Has Flow
How is the flow of your body language?
Body language is like verbal and written language; it has structure. Body language flows, it has its own
rhythm, vocabulary, grammar and punctuation. Some gesture are single letters which join with others to
form words right on up to formulate full sentences and phrases until we finally reach full ideas and
meaning. Part of the way things come together is connected to congruence, meaning that the overall
body of language comes together seamlessly. Just like someone might have poor written grammar,
some people have poor nonverbal language, sometimes even dramatically so leading to even more
drastic consequences.
We are all born understanding the basics of body language and have the minds to master it, but none of
us are born ready emitting perfect body language. Instead we learn body language like we learn to

speak, by observation and practice. ‘Naturals’, as it were, may only exist because instead of ignoring
body language like most people do, they bring it to consciousness early on and follow successful
example around them. Their minds are subconsciously prepared to imitate good postures and appear in
control and confident. As we will see, good body language isn’t something you are either born with, or
must be without forever. It can be learned.
I recall a time when my wife and I were visiting a fellow who was giving away a second hand washing
machine which would I would use for a rental apartment. His body language made him appear inept
and he came across as awkward. He’d cross his arms when I was talking and when I’d make a point, he
would do his best to contradict me. He’d lean in too close and his body odor was overpowering. This
person had no reason to be dishonest, he explained that he needed the space in his house for another
project. We took the machine because at the time we needed it, however since he gave us such a
negative impression we still don’t know, to this day, if the machine works or not. I’ve never hooked it
up or used it! My wife and I got a terrible impression of the guy and the feeling attached itself to
everything about him including his free washer. It didn’t affect us while we were there, but as soon as
we left, we were able to verbalize reasons for storing, instead of using the machine. We simply didn’t
trust that the machine would work properly despite his verbal assurances, and instead of taking the
energy to move it into the basement to test it, we stored it in the garage and purchased a new set. His
body language told us that something must be wrong with the washing machine, that perhaps it ruined
clothing or leaked and he just wanted some sucker to help him dispose of the machine. Other people
who aren’t studied in body language but finding themselves in a similar situation would have
concluded that their ‘gut feeling’ was off. Since I could read his cues, it was obvious to me why I didn’t
trust him, but I did have to explain to my wife why she felt so uneasy.
This story illustrates the point about the strength of nonverbal body language and how salient and
important it is. Even though the result was at no cost to him (and little cost to me), if he had been a
commissioned salesman, or salesman of any sort, he would have lost the deal with certainty.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Verbal Language Is Confusing, Body Language
Sorts Things Out

Body language makes the intent of a message much more clear. This ‘spear thrower’ isn’t interested in
listening to your viewpoint.
What proportion of communication is affected by the actual words versus how the words are used and
the body language that it accompanies it? I don’t know of any real metric by which to calculate this, so
it’s really anyone’s guess. Suffice it to say that the vast majority of communication and meaning has
nothing at all to do with words. Body language in this case gets lumped in together with other signals
such as tone, pitch and word emphasis whilst we subtract the actual words and their meaning. Take the
phrase “Would you prefer to lie?” as an example. If I were to emphasize the word “would” it puts the
emphasis on “you”, but if I put the emphasis on “lie” it puts emphasis on the action. Confusing things
further and not privy to the spelling of “lie”, one wouldn’t know if I was speaking about telling the
truth or “lying”, or taking a nap or “laying”. Emphasis is used to add meaning and emotion to our
speech by stressing specific words and can completely change the meaning of the sentence. This can
also be done by using a higher tone, using longer stressed syllables, or increasing the volume as we
speak certain words. Even in the cases above I have used a nonverbal method to emphasis words by
using the italics function, a feature of this writing program that arose out of necessity.
Going back to our previous example, we also have homonym’s which are words that share the same
spelling and same pronunciation but have different meanings. An example includes the word “bow”
which can mean to bend forward, the front of a ship, a weapon which fires an arrow, a ribbon tied in a
knot (a bow tie) or to bend outward to the sides (bow-legged). Polysemes are words or phrases with
multiple related meanings. For example “bank” can describe a financial institution that handles money
or it can be used to describe trust as in “We’re friends, you can bank on me.” Antagonym’s are forms of
slang that actually mean their opposite. Examples of antagonyms include “bound” for a direction or
heading, or tied up and unable to move, cleave can be to cut apart or seal together, buckle can mean to
hold together or to collapse, clip means to attach or cut off, and so on. Other time we use words to
mean the opposites. “That skateboard trick was sick” comes across in slang as meaning that it was
actually a pretty good trick.
While the myriad of definitions stemming from word-use might confuse you, don’t let it bother you too
much because this is the only time it actually matters. In fact, body language is the likely reason our
vocabulary is permitted to be so confusing and most of us have at least a rudimentary understanding
about how our bodies and verbal language coincide to produce meaning anyway. The point of raising
the dysfunction that peppers verbal language is precisely because confusing word meaning plays such a
minor role in our lives. When we just don’t get it, in comes body language to sort things out and bring
everyone back on to the same page.
What we are looking to accomplish in this book is a higher order reading of nonverbal language to
graduate from simple word meaning to get at the hidden ‘script’ that unfolds ‘between the lines’, so to
speak!

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
The Evolutionary Differences Between Men And
Women

We rarely catch women checking men out because they can always see the ‘whole picture’ unlike men
and their predatory hunter eyes.
Eyeball assault! Predator alert!
The hunter gatherer theory of human sex differences describes that men have evolved to be hunters
whereas women have evolved to be gatherers. By this theory, the brains of men and the brains of
women have been created under different selection pressures. The female mind was focused on
language and communication especially between other females (gossip) and on searching out multiple
food items, such as berries, vegetables and nuts. Men where more focused on tracking down prey, a
single item, and used far less dialogue since talking too much might upset the animals they were
pursuit. Once a successful plan was hatched amongst a group a men, spoken words were no longer
necessary. Women, on the other hand, had to keep each other abreast of which fruits were in season and
their location. The research supports this as women use landmarks and memorize routes to connect
familiar places to navigate, even in cities, whereas men use more spatial factors such as direction of
travel and the patterns of the roads themselves. Presumably it would be easier to describe to someone
else how to go about finding berries in the wilderness through landmarks over a sense of the hills and
terrain. For women, the food they gather doesn’t move, but men needed to be move about and orient an
environment that was always changing based on the prey they were hunting and the season. Landmarks
while hunting become useless when in new areas.
Men also tend to score higher on three-dimensional tasks such as moving an object in their minds to
match similar items, a task called “mental rotation”. This spatial skill is attributed to throwing accuracy
as one might use to fall moving prey. In tests, women perform better on language oriented tasks such as
verbal memory and verbal recognition of sounds. Gossip amongst women around camp would have
played a key role to protect unity, maintain peace and uncover dissenters. Women have also been
shown to be more proficient at using both hemispheres of their brains since their left and right sides are
better connected. Women can therefore use their minds more fully and draw from many centers of their
brain.
The ability to use both hemispheres makes it much easier for women to work out complex relationships
between people and their environment simultaneously. It fascinates me to listen to my wife click away

at a game of solitary on her computer while she talks with her mom on the phone. Without pause the
dialogue continues, whereas when I speak to my brother on the phone, and he’s watching television, the
line practically goes dead! Body language requires a lot of focus and attention and women have much
more mind to draw on to analyze it. Women seem therefore more naturally attuned to reading body
language subconsciously, but that doesn’t mean it can’t easily be learned as is the case with my wife
and I. By far, I am more aware of body language, due in large part to the amount of research I have
done. My experience makes up for what I lack in brain power!
Women have a much wider visual field then men. That is, they can see further out on the periphery
while still fixated on a central point. This is why women are so much better at finding things in the
cupboard or in a drawer. Men’s eyes have pin point or tunnel vision and must look from one object to
another eliminating them in sequence just to find what they need whereas women can see the whole
picture all at once and identify the object needed. This partially explains why men find it so frustrating
to have their things moved about the house when women tidy up. Men simply can not find them if they
are relocated, but it’s not as if we don’t appreciate the effort! Conversely, women have difficulty
pointing out and following moving objects such as animal in the woods or baseballs. With training
however, both can become better at each task, the point is that men and women are inherently different,
acknowledging our deficiencies just makes us each easier to live with! Having a better peripheral
vision also explains why women don’t ever seem to stare at the men’s “junk” whereas men drop their
gaze routinely to check women out. Women do check out other men, they just don’t get caught!
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Are Men Bad Readers Of Body Language?
Many beliefs exist about the sexes. Men are thought to be task and goal oriented, more aggressive,
dominant and loud when they communicate. Women are thought to be emotional, gentle and sensitive.
Women are also thought to talk more and also to be more aware of others’ feelings. But how much of
these beliefs are accurate is up for debate. When we talk about reading people and intuition, we are
really talking about someone’s ability to read someone’s body language. It can also be called audience
awareness or perceptivity and can relate to a speaker or listener.
The research shows us that some of preconceptions are in fact correct but this dismisses a huge
variable. That variable is our massive ability to learn. Men reading this book will have a vastly superior
ability to read others when compared to women who have no schooling whatsoever in body language.
Research has shown that men lack empathy for others and disregard other’s emotions. Is this a simple
case of being lazy or are there real notable differences? A second research experiment found that
homosexual men and male nurses were also more in-tune with reading others, and that this might
actually be related to differences in the brain. However, not all, or even most male nurses would be
presumed to be homosexual so obviously there are variation in the ability of men to read emotions.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
So How Exactly Do The Minds Of Men And
Women Differ?
Dr. Gurian believes there
are about a hundred structural differences between the male and female brain. Men tend to
compartmentalize their communication into smaller parts of the brain and therefore tend to get right
down to the issues whereas women’s brains gather a lot more information from different areas of the
brain and therefore tend to be more detailed in their conversations. Men also show more activity in
mechanical centers of the brain and females show more activity in verbal and emotional centers. These
changes happen very early in boys and girls. To a little girl, a doll becomes life-like with desires,
feelings, needs or in other words a life, but to a little boy, that same doll is simply an object.
The brain scans of women show that the corpus callosum which handles communication is larger than
that of men’s. The corpus callosum is an anatomical part of the brain that is centered between the left
and right hemisphere and helps women’s brains “talk” better across each hemisphere. The corpus
callosum is a thick collection of nerve fibers that conduct information. In essence, it helps women
multi-task by sending information to an fro, from one side to the other to be dissected, disseminated
and refabricated as it is put through various brain centers. Men on the other hand tend to move
information within the same side of the brain better and tend not to confuse issues with others.
Women’s brains easily move from the right side (creative) to the left side (logical) and vice versa, very
easily. This is why they often inject all sorts of emotions into their arguments and details into stories
whereas men get stuck on the facts and logic and progress from A to B to C. Because of this ease of
movement women can perform more operations at the same time, they can pick berries, take care of
their young, and discuss camp ethics all at the same time. As it applies to our nonverbal discussion, it
means that they can focus on more than just the words being spoken, they can also monitor body
language as well.
So what does this all mean? Well, in practical terms, it means that women might have a better natural
ability to read people. However, this book isn’t about what’s natural, it is about what can be learned and
just about anyone can learn to read body language well, even if they are at an inherent disadvantage.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Age, Age Gaps, Status And Its Affect On Body
Language
Since we’ve isolated women as the best readers of body language, it’s time to weed out the rest of the
bad apples from the bunch. In fact, many other factors, aside from our sexes, play into our ability to
read and use body language.
The first such factor is our age. Children first learn to communicate through nonverbal channels by
using posture, gestures and proximity to influence the behaviour of the adults around them. If this
doesn’t work they will resort to crying but for the most part this is non-directional and unsophisticated.
In children, it is their body language which helps us to figure out their true desires. Before they can
signal nonverbally, we are simply left guessing so thankfully children have relatively simple and
predictable needs. Once they figure out the use of words, their nonverbal gestures quickly diminish and
eventually get mostly left by the wayside. Children who first begin to speak will show more interest in
speaking then other channels even if it means they need to interact more with their adult counterparts
versus other children of the same age. At the age of three, most children have lost or dropped almost all
of their nonverbal communication and are fully into verbal speech.
Age also plays another more important role in reading body language. Those people that are closest to
our age are the easiest to read. Our ability to accurately read others is much lower with people who are
much younger and much older then ourselves and easiest amongst our own peer group. We spend the
most amount of time with our peer group so familiarity could be a factor, however, more importantly is
our ability to relate and empathize. So the take-away message is that our ability to empathize with the
needs, desires and emotions of others is a key part in reading body language. Empathy is the ability to
put ourselves in the shoes of others and to feel what they feel.
The greater the gap in age between the reader and the target, the greater is the discrepancy in accuracy.
If you’ve ever watch siblings of similar age, you know that they have an uncanny ability to interpret
and understand each other. It’s particularly interesting to watch small children decipher each others
seemingly nonsensical gibberish and random movements. Naturally it follows that teenagers and
seniors are difficult to read by the middle aged and children are poor readers of all adults (or at least do
a good job pretend to be).
Older faces are difficult to read naturally, even for other seniors. Older faces have
weaker muscle tone, and so produce less exaggerated expressions. What expressions are made are then
covered by wrinkles disguising them even more. Status and occupational differences that we see
everyday at work, also make it difficult for us to read others. Upper management dealing with lower
management in a company or teachers dealing with students must deal with cohort differences daily
and it can become stressful.
Higher status people might lack the interest to associate with lower status people and low status people
might sense this and so return less eye contact feeling not cared about. This lack of empathy spirals into
each party caring less and less about each other. Lower status employees may also feel envious of
higher status employees and share less information with them make it difficult to develop empathy.
Health care workers that spend a lot of time with seniors can develop skills and read them more
accurately, but only if they empathize with them. To be a good body language reader, you have to be
able to put yourself in someone else’s position, and see the world as they do.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Body Language Of Children
Babies are almost
entirely dependant on nonverbal communication in their first few months, that is, if we discount crying!
As children age, they still rely, as adults do, on nonverbal language such as pointing at a toy rather then
asking for it, pushing other children aside when it suites them, or even hugs to show affection and
exaggerated pouting to garner sympathy. Babies as young as nine month’s old, who lack verbal
language, can even begin using sign language to convey desires showing just how rooted non-verbal
communication is all of us.
When young children lie they often have troubles making eye contact or they might hang their head,
appear tense or they might even quickly pull both hands up and cover their mouths as if to shove the lie
back in from where it came from. Even some adults will perform these gestures if they let slip a secret
or particularly juicy piece of gossip in the wrong circle. However, at other times, both children and
adults are not as obvious. A 2002 study by Victor Talwar and Kang Lee out of the University of
Queens, Canada, however, showed that children as young as three are naturally adept at controlling
their nonverbal language as it applies to deception. In the study, children were able to fool most of the
evaluators of their deception as a videotape showing the lie was replayed. Children are not particularly
skilled at lying through verbal channels though, and they slip up easily revealing inconsistencies in
their stories, so this is where you can really catch them. We will cover deceptive body language at
lengths later on.
Other emotional body language emitted by children is much more prevalent. For example, children use
slouching and pouting to show that they are upset and disappointed but as we age, we drop our
nonverbal cues in favour of verbal expression. We naturally become more adept at repressing what our
bodies do and tend to use more conscious thought and spoken words since it is more direct and less
easily misinterpreted. What starts off as a quick mouth slap movement to the mouth when lying (or
swearing) in children, slowly becomes a touch to the corner of the mouth. Later, restraint forces the
finger to the side even further and then instead of touching the mouth it touches the side of the nose

instead. As people age, they become much more difficult to read. By logical progression, the hardest to
read of all are sixty-year-old politicians!
As an interesting aside, dedicated parents even claim to be able to sense when a baby is about to relieve
themselves and so avoid messy diapers. This technique is referred to as elimination communication. By
reading gestures such as frowning, squirming, fussing or tensing, mother’s (or fathers!) in combination
with baby’s particular rhythms, can detect when potty time is immanent. Once the baby’s cues have
been deciphered the mother can anticipate potty time by holding baby over the toilet and cuing with
“hiss-hiss” or “wiss-wiss” sounds. To associate the hissing sounds with urination, this process must be
repeated ten to twenty times each day!

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Emulating Alpha’s Body Language
Being alpha.
Gregory Hartley author of I can read you like a book talks at length about how we are constantly at the

whim of ‘Alpha’. As he states it we are either creating the social norms or we are following them.
Think about this in terms of your work place and about who calls the shots. Is your body language free
flowing or does it react to that of your boss and managers? Do you sit like you do at home? Is your
body language relaxed? How does it change when you move from your private space, your cubicle, or
your office? How does it react when you are being reprimanded? I suspect that more then you know
Alpha’s, not just in your workplace, but in your environment at large and plays a big part in how you
comport yourself. Hartleys says that “Unless we are alpha, we are emulating the alpha and overlaying it
to our own catalogue of gestures to maintain identity while keeping alpha happy.”
He divides us further into three categories. They are sub-typical, typical and super-typical and places
everyone on a bell curve of behaviour within a given culture. The bell curve has a shape of a bell and
shows the frequencies of behaviour with most people having middle ground behaviour. The supertypical
show extremities in behaviour and set the rules for our cultures and microcultures, they are the
politicians and celebrities of our world. Within every sector of our lives there exists this bell curve of
behaviour because each of the groups we belong to has a set of acceptable behaviour; at work, your
social network, at school and so forth.
Think of the playground, where the super-typical are the popular kids whom everyone looks up to and
the sub-typical as the losers, the rest are in the middle. We look up to the super-typical and try to be like
them except in the case of the sub-typical who simply long to advance to typical. In our workplace, the
super-typical are our bosses and managers, the typical are the average people and the sub-typical are
those at the low end of the bell curve.
Naturally, no matter where we are, we all know who these people are because rank is part of our
evolutionary history. The sub-typical are those that form part of the group but aren’t the norm and they
are consistently dismissed even though everyone sees them as part of the group. In life, the sub-typical
are the homeless or socially inept, they don’t take any part in creating our social norms and as
mentioned our super-typicals are our politicians and celebrities. Everyone belongs to some sort of
group so we all follow social norming and we all to one degree or another follow our alphas. This then
triggers behaviours, actions and therefore body language which becomes typical within our groups. So
next time you watch other people’s body language be sure to frame it in light of imitating alpha.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Reading Posture
Slumped posture indicates to others that life has given you a bad hand.

Confident erect posture.

Asymmetrical posture shows a lack of confidence.
Posture is underrated in daily life but it can tell us a lot about a person. Posture refers not only to the
erectness of our bodies, but also to our body orientation, direction of lean, and the degree to which our
bodies are open and inviting.
Good healthy posture does not mean that the body is straight up and down since the natural spine has
curves, but it does mean that the spine is aligned and not twisted. There are natural curves between the

thoracic (upper) and lumbar (lower) regions where the upper curves slight backwards and the lower
slightly forward. To be technical, the ears, shoulders, hips, knees and ankles should align as if a plumb
line where run from top to bottom. This is called the neutral position because the body is best able to
hold this posture without stressing joints, muscle and bones. What it really means is that the weight of
the body is held by the bones and not by the muscles. You can imagine the structure of a house whose
weight is carried down from the rafters to the side and supporting walls, then straight down to the
foundation. A house that leans puts uneven stress over certain walls causing a risk of collapse. A good
posture promotes breathing, circulation and balance. Persistent improper posture can lead to general
discomfort, long term damage, or even deformities. While there are medical reasons for holding good
posture, there are certainly nonverbal reasons for keeping a good level body.
Having rounded shoulders for example, shows that a person is inactive in the conversation, as does
leaning away or even closing the body off. We also attribute negative ideas to people with poor posture.
People that slumped over or habitually lean on their elbows while seated or against a wall come off as
lazy and careless; sloppy. People with poor posture often come across as lacking confidence.
Conversely, being too rigid can come off as stiff, awkward, stressed, nervous and uncomfortable.
Holding good posture shows the world that one is in control, confident and powerful.
Shorter people can even add several inches with an upright posture over someone with poor posture.
The effect is magnified even moreso while seated, and can even level the field entirely. A posture
experiment is simple so feel free to try it at the next board meeting and see just how much height you
can gain just by holding a more upright posture. The postural advantage therefore is best used by
striking a happy medium between being proper and upright but not appearing stiff. Keep the shoulders
back, with your spin generally straight and head upright.
Body orientation, a subset of posture, can also convey information. For example, having weight
unevenly distributed across the legs can show that a person is ready to leave a conversation by
slumping toward the desired exit direction. Usually this is a door, or hallway. Reading or using this
posture can tell you when its time to wrap things up or tell others when you would prefer to end the
conversation. I use this skill on adamant door to door salespeople. Simply by orienting my body away
from the salesman and even slightly moving in that direction I can show the salesman that I am serious
about my disinterest. You can easily do the same.
Leaning towards or away also conveys useful meanings. Someone interested in the conversation will
literally be thrusting themselves forward into the conversation by moving their bodies forward toward
the speaker. Other times the body leans much more subtly. For example, an interested person might
stand, shifting their weight slightly forward or might teeter just a touch to the side to display interest or
connectivity to someone to their left or right. Because leaning requires a significant amount of work to
do, not to mention balance, it is a significant nonverbal message especially when it is seen in the torso
since it carries a large portion of our body weight. However, when the brain requires it to evade other
people that we dislike or favour those we like, the body will hardly realize it. There will be times that
distancing behaviours are not terribly dramatic as even just a few inches tells us that ideas and the
people that voice them are diverging. While seated, interest driven leaning can be even more dramatic
as weight is placed on the knees almost in a sprinter position as someone is trying to accept as much
information as possible.
Steps to perfect posture
1. Stand upright, shoulders relaxed yet up and back.
2. Align your neck with your spine with your head back and level. Don’t let your head droop and ‘lead’
you.
3. Push your rear end forward so as to shift your weight onto your hips and legs without becoming
overly rigid.

4. Keep your midsection tight to assist your back and keep your torso straight and upright.
5. Keep your arms to your sides with your fingers loose and keep your body weight even across both
feet.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Haptics: The Use Of Touch In Communication
Is this touching on purpose or to gain attention?
Haptics is the study of touching and how it is used in communication. Handshakes, holding hands,

kissing, back slapping, high fives, brushing up against someone or pats all have meaning. Touching is
the most developed sense at birth and formulates our initial views of the world. Touching can be used
to sooth, for amusement during play, to flirt, to expressing power and maintaining bonds between
people such as with baby and mother. Touching can carry distinct emotions and also show the intensity
of those emotions. Touch absent of other cues can signal anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude and
sympathy depending on the length and type of touching that is performed. Many factors also contribute
to the meaning of touching such as the length of the touch and location on the body in which the
touching takes place.
In western cultures touching is infrequent which makes it even more significant when it happens.
French and Italians for example, tend to touch frequently even continuously while walking, whereas the
British prefer not to touch at all. At sporting events and especially in celebration of victory or success,
such as scoring a goal or point, touching among male athletes is permitted whereas in the dressing
room, a hands-off policy is the norm. Cultures that accept touching more often are India, Turkey,
France, Italy, Greece, Spain, the Middle East, Parts of Asia and Russia whereas no touching cultures
includes Germany, Japan, England, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Estonia, Portugal,
Northern Europe and Scandinavia.
In the workplace, touching is fairly uncommon. We therefore use the handshake as a universal form of
touching to avoid offending others. More intimate forms of touching sometimes occurs such as a
friendly pat on the back to display encouragement but generally speaking, touching at work should be
kept to a minimum. We cover cultural differences with respect to touching in a dedicated chapter.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Body language And Energy displacement
Tapping a table is a form of energy displacement because it burns extra energy to relieve tension.
When someone talks about energy displacement and body language they are talking about movements

that create relief. Someone that is nervous or excited will find relief in rubbing their legs with their
hands called “leg cleansing”, or they might rub their hands together or stroke an object vigorously. Leg
cleansing is a gesture that usually goes unnoticed because it happens underneath the table, but an astute
observer will see the upper body move serving to give it away. An example of leg cleaning is that of a
baseball player that is on deck and getting ready to bat. His hands might be sweaty from the excitement
so he rubs his hands on his thighs, soon enough this becomes a habit and he does this every time he
comes to bat regardless of whether his hands are sweaty. With repetition he has conditioned himself to
seek comfort by performing this gesture. Self touching also produces relaxing chemicals in his body to
help him deal with the stress and burns up nervous energy. Self touching isn’t always related to energy
displacement although in this case it is. Energy displacement means the same thing as stress motivated
energy burning. It is the burning of energy that provides a trickle release that occupies the mind and
produces soothing neurochemicals.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our
sense of control. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.
Energy displacement isn’t just for athletes, it happens all over the place from the boardroom to the
classroom. We see people rubbing their hands together in excitement or wringing their hands showing
inner turmoil and in during extreme stress, pacing, or even self inflicted pain such as ear pulling,
scratching, or pinching. Energy displacement allows for a controlled release of tension without creating
fatigue. Energy displacement is akin to the natural high that is achieved through punishing physical

exercise except in this case the endorphin rush comes much less potently but the action still provides a
stress reducer.
When a woman suddenly becomes “cold” as a decision gets close in a meeting they might begin by
cross their arms and begin to stroke their elbows or forearms. The temperature in the room hasn’t
dropping though, what she is feeling is an emotional change creating an uneasy feeling. To sooth
herself, she strokes her body and this reminds her of childhood feelings where mom comforted her. A
nervous husband who waits outside a delivery room will pace back and forth. His movement gives him
something to do and also burns up excess energy. Generally men’s displacement actions will be easier
to spot then women’s since they will be more aggressive. Men feel that when something is good, more
is better, and take almost everything to extremes. In fact, one of the leading causes of preventable gum
disease is brushing the teeth too hard or for too long, and men are often most at fault for this. Women’s
postures, on the other hand, will melt into their regular body language and can therefore be harder to
spot.
An entire host of gestures can be used for energy displacement and they vary from person to person and
culture to culture. Any movement that has no inherent or immediate function and that is done when
faced with stress can be called energy displacement. With observation, you can catalog energy
displacement cues in family members, friends and even bosses. If you observe energy displacement
body language in friends, an appropriate response is to offer comfort, but if it is found in a boss or
employee, or during a sale, then it is usually time to back off and give them time to think things over.
Allow a stressed out individual some time to reach a conclusion on their own.

Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Fashion And Its Meaning
Have you ever thought that a tie resembles a giant downward facing arrow?
Clothing is very potent and gives off all sorts of vital information about its wearer and is a language
onto itself. Before we even speak with one another, our clothing creates an image about us, it also tells
of our sex, age, occupation, origins, social class, personality and beliefs. Clothing can also tell others
where we are going as well as what we are about to do. A business suit for example, indicates that one
is conducting business or a summer dress indicates that one is on vacation. In other words, clothing
provides context.
As a language clothing can be conventional or eccentric, clothing can give off signals about who one
wants to be or become. Teenagers place importance on designer clothing so they can impress their
friends and fit in, but as we grow older, our shift takes on a more specific role as we tailor our attire to
the functions we attend and to the status we want to hold. Imagine showing up at a cocktail party
thinking the event was inform and so appearing under-dressed, this can be embarrassing. The reason is
of course because we feel that we will be discriminated against or judged as being something we aren’t.
Clothing can also set us apart from others in terms of values and the eccentric often have flamboyant
clothing to differentiate themselves from others showing that their ideas about life are different than the
rest of those around them. Just keep in mind that while you may wish to send one message to a specific
group of people in one location, you are passing by many more on the way, each one of which are
getting the same message.
How one ‘wears’ what they wear also gives off indicators of their disposition. For example, the uptight
employee that does his collar up to the top, or the laid back who fails to properly tighten his neck tie or
avoids wearing one at all. Having buttons done up tight as opposed to having and open suite jacket also
has meaning. In a tense situation such as a court case, the defendant would be expected to show his
serious side so we expect his jacket to be done up tight with a straight tie, whereas the year end office
party would create a relaxed atmosphere causing people to loosen up or remove their ties altogether

especially as the evening progresses. Having un-pressed pants, dirty shoes or even no shoes, at all
provide details of other people’s disposition. Using inappropriately loose or tight clothing can also give
us clues as to the nature of the person. Removing a tie midday under a strict dress code indicates that
the person is rebellious and defiant or unbuttoning a blouse to show more cleavage could lead to being
labeled easy or a seductress. Even wearing casual clothing by superiors can be seen as a power-play.
We call this dressing “against the grain” and it gains its full meaning when it is done in a calculated
way. The boss, due to his status, can show up in his tennis shoes and shorts – late for a meeting,
because it is him that sets the rules and not his employees. Dressing against the grain says, “I’m a
powerful person, I make my own rules.”
Certain new policies in new age companies allow more relaxed dress which, not only shows their
progressive attitudes and desire to act entrepreneurial, but also the force new age employees are
demanding. Dress plays a big part in first and daily impressions and also provides excellent cues to be
read in others. To read someone in their entirety and give off the best impressions possible, we should
be mindful of the nonverbal cues we give off with respect to dress and also those that are given off by
others. Just remember that while judging people by the way they look and being judged for the same is
not fair, but very little in life is, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Ignoring nonverbal signal
emitted by clothing, piercings, tattoos, chains, baggy pants and dirty worn clothing is a surefire way to
alienate and turn people off. Do so at your own peril!
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Preening
Preening between two people is a sign of affection.
Preening includes anything done to maintain our physical appearance such as fixing our hair, washing
our bodies, wearing clean, matching clothing, brushing our teeth and so forth. In an evolutionary
context, preening signifies that we are healthy and in a good state of mind. Have you ever thought
about why birds usually have white under-feathers especially around their rear ends? It has been

speculated that it is a health advertisement displaying and that the carrier of such a feature has good
genetics. Unhealthy animals of any species will usually show symptoms of their sickness with some
form of intestinal looseness or diarrhea which would surely show against a wide backdrop! Birds
therefore show their health by keeping a clean rear end. They also preen by bathing in water and dust to
keep themselves free of ticks and other nuisance hitchhikers. Humans are no different than any other
animals as we also require sufficient energy to maintain our bodies.
A case in point is what happens when humans fall mentally ill. It has been noted around the world that

when people suffer from illness personal grooming is the first aspect to go. When minds are busy with
more pressing matters it shoves looking good aside. Homeless people and the severely depressed will
wear un-kept hair, dirty clothing and ignore showering. They will lie around for hours on end but when
they do finally take foot, their posture will be slumped, shoulders rolled inward, torsos bent at the waste
and their head will droop as if they carry the “weight of the world upon their shoulders.” They will
succumb to the forces of gravity rather than defy it such as what we see with the exuberant who seem
to have a “bounce in their step.” This is why it is so vitally important to keep a well cared for
appearance to signal to others that we have proper mental health. A lot can be surmised about a person
from wearing torn and soiled clothing, especially in public. Like manners, preening tells others that we
respect their thoughts and opinions, and that we wish to belong to a functioning society.
Preening can be a good thing as described above, but done inappropriately can be seen as rude. Picking
lint so as to detach oneself from a conversation is one such way. When grooming is done in this way it
dissociates a person from a conversation by removing agreement indicators, eye contact and
attachment. Another happens by removing dirt from under the nails, clipping them in public or other
more unmentionable grooming rituals, which are unsightly and a turn off. However, preening such as
adjusting a necktie, fixing the hair, smoothing clothing or applying lipstick done in a courtship setting,
indicates interest and a desire to impress in a positive way. When preening is performed on someone
else, it shows a desire to be close. This is done when mothers clean their child’s dirty hands and when
lovers catch a piece of food that has missed their partner’s mouth.
Chapter 2 – The Basics Of Understanding Body Language
Summary – Chapter 2
In this second chapter we have solidified our nonverbal foundation with the five cardinal rules of body
language. First we covered the five basic rules of body language: the rule-of-four, congruence, context,
baselining and intuition and perception. The ‘rule-of-four’ says that we need at least four independent,
but related signals to reliably read someone whereas congruence says that we should pay particular
attention when verbal language and nonverbal language do not match. Context on the other hand, says
that we must be mindful of where and how cues develop since they could be confused with other
variables and might mean something totally different or nothing at all. Baselining refers to the need to
measure a person over time and in different situations before we can accurately predict their nonverbal
meaning with any accuracy. The final rule says that we need to be conscious about intuition and
perception so we don’t project meaning onto situations based on pre-conceived beliefs. We also
covered how the feet are the most honest part of the body, and that coupled with putting presidency on
negative body language over positive body language, we will have a greater success rate in reading
people accurately.
Aside from these rules we looked at the flow of silent speech, how body language can be less confusing
than verbal language, the differences between men and women, how women intuitively read body
language and how age affects body language. We also discussed the importance that alpha’s, or leaders
play in our lives and how we are either creating social norms (leading) or we are following them, how
posture portrays confidence, the importance of ‘haptics’ or touch, in addition to body language as it
relates to energy displacement and finally the meaning of fashion and preening.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Introduction – Chapter 3
If you spend time traveling or do business in more than one country then this chapter will prove
invaluable. Not all body language happens the same way all over the world. To some this revelation
gives them ammunition against body language because they say that since it is not totally universal, it
is not innate and therefore not predictive, however this is not so. While some body language crosses
culture, other language does not, what is important though, it to know which is which. We will spend
the following chapter looking at how body language varies from region to region and hence from
culture to culture and you will see that some body language is learned while some innate or genetic.
As we progress we will look at how emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators add
colour to our language and as how to use them. We will also discuss how these facets of body language
vary across regions. The two take-away messages from this chapter is that it is the sender that
determines the accuracy of the message no matter what the culture, and that it is up to you to decide
what it means, and that it is the culture in which we find ourselves which dictates what’s normal. In this
context, normal is what tells us how we should comport ourselves. We will see that our innate body
language dictates our culture, that some gestures are universal (and some are not) and that touching
preferences and desire (or tolerance) to closeness is learned. Finally we will cover the ways in which
cultures meet and greet one-another.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Genetic, Learned Or Cultural: Which Is It?
Tongue jutting is a universal gesture of distaste. It means, I don’t like that. Think of pushing gross food
out of your mouth.

Much debate has been raised about the root causes of emotional facial expressions, that is if they are
genetic or learned. In fact, the debate dates back to Aristotle and Darwin, even today studies still debate
the universality of facial expressions and their relevance across cultures. The debate revolves around
whether or not the language of the body stems from culture, and is learned, or if they are simply part of
the human repertoire and exist at birth and are innate. For example, the Chinese stick their tongues out
to display surprise, but this isn’t universally consistent. All cultures however, recognize laughter to
express joy and tears to express grief. So while we might agree that some expressions are cultural like
the Chinese tongue protrusion others are universal such as laughing and crying.

Thumbs up means good things in the West, but in other cultures it means “up yours!”
Many cultures also determine whether natural expressions are permitted, inhibited or exaggerated
further confusing the issue. For example, certain cultures permit open public weeping from grief
whereas others inhibit these natural gestures. This is called the “display rule” and it says that it is the
culture from which we are raised that determines what level of expression of emotion is permitted. The
culture sets the norm. In a study where a particularly gory film was projected to subjects, the Japanese
and American subjects showed similar stress-type facial expressions. However, when a scientist was

present, the Japanese more than the Americans tended to mask their negative expressions with the use
of smiles. While being watched the Americans were more likely to be expressive and the Japanese
tended to try to hide their disgust.
Very little research into emotional language by the body, face exempt, has been conducted thus far. It is
however clear that gestures such as giving the thumbs up or the victory symbol with the index and
middle finger extended, are particularly cultural, it is not clear yet if body posture are particularly
cultural or innate. The research does show that cultural differences in expressiveness of body language
tend to vary greatly across culture. Studies using blind children as subjects have shown that smiling and
embarrassment gestures like hiding the face with the hands, occurs regardless of learning or copying,
indicating that they are indeed genetic. There is still a fair amount of work that needs to be done before
any real conclusion can be made about the origins of nonverbal signals.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Emblems, Illustrators, Affect Displays, Adaptors
And Regulators
Gesticulating is the original form of communication between humans.
Gestures are used in speech to convey information more efficiently or to express attitudes or emotions
and as a body language reader they give us clues as to the speakers mental framework from which they
speak. Beneficial byproducts of gestures include making speech occur more smoothly and increased
liking between speakers and listeners. In the following section we will cover “kinesics” which is the
subclass of nonverbal body language that is related to movement. Kinesics is probably the most talked
about and most common type of body language but also the most easily confused cross-culturally.
The first full length study on gesture was published in 1644 by John Bulwer. He catalogued dozens of
gestures and produced a guide on how to increase clarity and eloquence in public speaking. Further

esearch has shown that some gestures are universal and therefore have ubiquitous meaning across
cultures, while others only have local meaning. Other gestures are context specific so mean one thing in
one place and can mean something entirely different elsewhere. Pointing, made by extending the index
finger and balling up the rest of the hand for example, is one of the gestures that has the same meaning
everywhere, but the okay-sign made by touching the index finger to the thumb and flaring out the
remaining fingers, as we shall see later, does not.
Some cultures also tend to gesture, called “gesticulation” when used in speech, more or less often than
others. For example, Italians are known to use a lot of gestures in speech whereas the English tend to
use gestures infrequently. The English culture, on the other hand, deems high rates of gesticulation as
being impolite. The high gesture cultures include Hebrew, French and Spanish.
The more social way for us to use our hands is to use them in concert with what is being said, although
taken to extremes like the Italians, or lack thereof like the English, can be counterproductive. A balance
between the two, will be the best case. The hands and arms add to the dialogue and liven it. Keeping
your hands to your sides or your arms crossed tightly might be comfortable, but those that use their
hands moderately while speaking appear intelligent and honest when viewed by others. Universally,
closed posture come off as negative and anti-social no matter what kinds of truths spoken or positive
feelings intended by the speaker. This is why it’s so important to be conscious of our gestures because
even if we aren’t, others will be. Whether or not others bring closed body language to consciousness, is
not relevant. Our impressions are created in others passively with no active thinking.
The various gestures have been broken down into five categories: emblems, illustrators, affect displays,
regulators which we cover next.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Emblems: Word Replacement Gestures
Peace or victory? Depends on your audience! Some gestures can be seen as offensive in different
cultures.

Emblems or “quotable gestures” are those gestures that are culturally specific which can be used as
replacement for words. That is, the gestures have a direct verbal translation. Obviously these gestures
will mean different things in different settings and can range from complimentary to offensive. Studies
show us that people lower in socioeconomic status gesticulate, which is the action of using gestures
while talking, more often than those with higher status. Usually this is tied directly to education, and
those who have a higher level of schooling also have a larger vocabulary so instead of using gestures to
express themselves, they use words instead.
The middle finger is an obvious gesture to Westerners and so too is the peace sign (or V-sign) which
can also mean victory. However, George Bush senior was famously ridiculed for “flipping” the V-sign
as he was met with Australian onlookers. In their culture the same gesture is considered an insult. The
V-sign where the palm faces outward has long been an gesture meant to insult but not just in Australia,
also in England and the rest of the United Kingdom, Ireland and parts of France.

This “a-okay” gesture means good things or a rude piece of human anatomy!
The “hook ’em horns” where the index finger and little finger are extended and the remaining fingers
held down with the thumb is poplar to University of Texas Longhorn fans, but when directed to a
married Italian man, means that his wife is having an affair. In North America, the “thumbs-up”
gestures can mean “great” or “I need a ride” but for Greeks the gestures means “up yours” and is
accompanied by a rapid upward and slower downward motion. Another gesture that has multiple
cultural meaning is the “OK” sign where the thumb and index finger come together to make an “O”

shape with the remaining fingers flared out. In Western cultures this means that things are “A-OK” but
in Russia or Turkey, it describes a sexual insult, specifically identifying an orifice. These select few
emblems illustrate the importance of cultural context when it comes to gesturing. Since the signals have
a direct verbal translation that varies from region to region, it is paramount when one travels, to make
note of these differences to avoid a potentially damaging misunderstanding.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Some More Examples Of Emblems
The “C” gesture: Used in Mexico to signal a desire to interrupt the speaker or in North America used
by television producers to indicate the need to break for a commercial. It’s origins stem from a Mexican
television presenter Raul Velasco in the program Siempre en Domingo (meaning “Always on Sunday”).
It was first used behind the scenes, but because Velasco, the host, used it on camera, it spread across the
main population and to some extend across the rest of Latin America.
The benediction gesture: Done by raising the right hand with the ring and little finger touching the
palm and the index and middle pointed upwards. It was used in Ancient Roman times during speaking
by emperors to symbolize a charm or blessing. In Sicily it declares that someone is dead.
Payment gestures: In America the payment gesture is performed by placing the index finger and thumb
together then doing a writing motion in the air as if to sign the name on the bill. In Egypt, a request for
the bill is signaled by holding the left hand out palm up and tapping the left hand palm down against
the left wrist. In Thailand payment is indicated by making a circling gesture in the air whereas in the
Philippines one draws rectangles in the air.
Thumbs up: Performed by rolling the fingers together against the palm then extending the thumb up. It
has different meaning across the world. To Europeans, it means “one”, to Australians performed with a
upward motion it is a rude gesture, saying “sit on this”, in Greece it is thrust forward and is equally
rude, and carries equally sexual insults in Africa, Southern Europe and the Middle East, while in Japan
in means “man” and “five”. While the meaning of the thumbs up gesture has been shown to have
changed over time, it was first postulated to have had a Roman origin through a 19th century painting
by artist Jean-Léon Gérôme where a triumphant gladiator stands over a fallen enemy seeking a
“thumbs-up” or “thumbs-down” demanding a verdict, to kill or not. However, author of Manwatching
Desmond Morris claims that the true ‘spare him’ signal was actually made by tucking the thumb inside
the fist.
Fig sign: The fig sign is made by first making a fist then thrusting the thumb up between the middle
and index finger until it pokes through slightly. It can also be done by putting the thumb through the
ring and middle finger. This gesture can mean everything from a good luck charm and fertility as in
ancient Rome to an obscene gesture which is the case for Greece, Indonesia, Turkey, Cyprus and
Russia. Where it is an insult, it is the equivalent of “screw you” where the thumb represents the clitoris.
The sexual connotations dates back to ancient Rome and is referred to in Dante’s Inferno as a curse
against God followed up with the “fig” gesture. Today, Americans will use this gesture to symbolize the
taking of a child’s nose, as in “I got your nose”, with the thumb in this instance representing the nose.
The little finger: Performed by raising just the little finger upward with the remaining fingers clenched
into a fist. In Bali it means “bad”, in Japan “woman”, South America “thin”, France “you can’t fool
me!” and Mediterranean “small penis”.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Illustrators: To Colour Language
“Was your fish THIS big?!?”
A second type of gesture, illustrators, are use in cooperation with words to emphasize them. Illustrators

do just that, they illustrate the meaning of words. An example of an illustrator is the motion of throwing
whilst speaking of tossing a ball or a punching motion to emphasize what happened during a fight. We
could describe an trophy fish, as in “It was this long” then spreading the hands apart to show just how
long it was. Other examples include, finger pointing, head bobbing, batoning or slapping the hands
together. Bill Clinton made the batoning motion famous as he emphasized nearly each word in his
denial speech against his involvement with Monica Lewinsky “I did not, have, sexual, relations, with,
that, women.” as his arm pumped up and down. Other examples include Adolf Hitler as he gestured his
followers into submission and television evangelists who forcefully hammer their words onto others.
The type of illustrators used, vary by culture and also vary in frequency. Latin cultures for example,
will use more illustrators than Anglo-Saxon cultures, and they in turn, use more than Asian cultures. In
business, the differences between cultures are especially important since Asian cultures might see the
use of illustrators as a lack of intelligence if used too frequently and in Latin cultures it might be
construed as a lack of interest or involvement to use too few.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Affect Or Emotional Displays
A frown affect accompanies a sad story.
Affect displays is subset of nonverbal language that reveal our emotional state. For example, if we are

happy we can show enthusiasm, or if we are telling a sad story, we correspondingly show somber.
Affect display include facial expressions such as smiling, laughing, crying or frowning.
Awareness of various kinds of affect and how it is used in speech will provide vital clues about the
speaker and his or her intent. Affect displays occur in synchrony and within the rhythm of speech. They
emphases certain words or phrases and are an integral part of speech and thought. They can tell us
about the expressiveness of a person and also what they find most important in their speech by which
words they choose to emphasize. Posture can also signal emotion as can a variety of other gestures.
Affect is also different from culture to culture. For example, Russians tend to smile much less than
Americans and therefore an American might come across as overly friendly to a Russian. Conversely
Russians might come across as disinterested or aloof to Americans because they smile less frequently.
In reality, both cultures are neither aloof nor overtly content, they simply appear to be so as they are
viewed through a complimentary cultural norm bias. There is no right or wrong way to display affect,
which is to say that no culture is better or worse because it smiles, frowns or cries less or more than
another during expression.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Recognizing Body Affect By Culture
A universal facial expression – Anger.
In 1969 researchers Albert Mehrabian and John Friar found that a person’s state, their mood, and their

emotional state were reflected by changes in body positions. In this context we are referring to affect in
terms of simple gestures like leg crossing and arm crossing to indicate a closed mind or palms up and
arms uncrossed to show openness or a willingness to listen. In fact, most of this book covers body
affect and systematically breaks it down in future chapters. This cultural discussion is therefore
important in that it describes the universality of body language.
While little research has focused specifically on measuring emotion from body positions, it has been
found that the central nervous system is responsible for perception of emotion and this emotion is fed
back into our body’s machinery to produce affect. The ways in which people convey emotion through
body positions (or affect) is mediated by many factors including age, gender and context. Despite these
factors though, body positions due to emotion, also has a cultural component. It is generally agreed that
the face holds particularly universal expressions in terms of emotions as mentioned in the previous
section, but the remaining language spoken by the body seems less obvious.
For example, the Japanese tend to be less expressive with their body language overall and therefore rate
others more intensely on their nonverbal language. In a 2006 study by Andrea Kleinsmith and her
colleagues out of London it was found that even mild expressions were rated as more emotional by the
Japanese subjects over the ratings of other cultures on the same affect. A Westerner in the eye of the
Japanese appears like a flailing uncontrolled windmill with their arms moving about as they gesticulate
while they speak, whereas the Japanese appear rigid and uptight to a Westerner. In the study however,
the meaning behind body language was still rated similarly across all cultures showing that emotion
does have universal traits and crosses cultures. Thus, while the amount of affect does vary across
cultures, the meaning behind the body language crosses boarders.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Adaptors
Is he hot under the collar or is the collar simply uncomfortable?
Adaptors are movements or gestures that are used to manage our feelings or control our responses.
Adaptors include movements done to improve comfort or reduce stress and often happen at such a low
level they usually escape awareness. Adaptors include movements such as shifting in a chair or postural
changes, crossing the legs, pulling at a shirt collar, adjusting a tie, loosening clothing and so forth.
What is interesting to researchers is that some adaptors serve a real purpose and others indicate stress.
For example, sometimes our pants really are uncomfortable so we scratch our legs, other times the
stress from outside pressure causes us to scratch in an effort to displace energy and distract us. Crossing
the legs toward your date might be read as an indicator of interest, but might instead serve to alleviate
numbness from loss of circulation. Children will rub their eyes repeatedly when tired, but this is not
because they become itchy!
Scratching the nose is another example of an adaptor and could be misread as an indicator of a lying or
might actually serve to relieve an itch. Another common adaptor used by adults is the head-grooming
gesture where the hand messages the back of the neck or head to relive stress. This gesture is not an
authentic gesture motivated by a physical purpose. Rather it used as a method to achieve comfort when
facing discomfort applied from the outside. Just about every cue related to body language can be an
adaptor. Arm crossing, leg crossing, scratching, fidgeting, twitching, rubbing the eyes, and so on, are all
part of the human repertoire and not all have hidden meaning all of the time.

A gestures that indicates anxiety rather than a targeted scratch.
It is the job of the body language reader to decide which movements are motivated by a real physical
purpose and which are motivated by an underlying emotional purpose. Usually stress release methods
are person specific so once they are detected can be reliable as predictors in future encounters. Some
might pull an ear lobe, rub one’s throat, pull on a collar or scratch the back of the hands. I will say that
it’s usually pretty obvious when a gesture like scratching is real because it is targeted, quick, nonrepetitive
and provides instant relief, but when it’s as a response to emotional trauma, it show opposite

characteristics. It is general in nature, perpetual, repetitive and provides no discernable relief (at least
not instantaneously). The context, meaning high or low stress environment provides strong clues to the
purpose of the adaptors. All proper body language reads should take context into consideration.
As we see, movements or adaptors come in two forms. They either have hidden meaning, or they do
not. Plenty of emphasis has been given by researchers on these subconscious clues on the grounds that
they would unlock secrets. However, the importance placed on adaptors is probably overstated and
oversimplified. The real goal of the body language reader is to decipher the difference between
adaptors with no meaning and movements and gestures that have actual meaning. Adaptors in crosscultural
meetings can also be potential landmines. For example, emblems, specifically because they are
culturally engrained, are emitted without conscious thought. Many Arabic countries see the sole of the
foot or the figure-four-leg cross as offensive and rude (an emblem of sorts to them) so they may
classify a Westerner as something they intent not to be. It is clear to the Westerner that they wish only
to take up a more comfortable seating position. The take-away message is to treat adaptors with the
care they deserve instead of jumping to inaccurate, embarrassing or even disastrous conclusions.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Regulators, Regulate Speech
Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak – particularly in a large group.
The final type of gestures are called regulators because they are used to modulate and maintain the flow

of the speech during conversation. Essentially, we use regulators to control turn-taking in conversation
and they can take the form of kinesic such as head nods or nonkinesic such as eye movements.
Regulators are different across cultures more so than any other element of body language discussed
thus far.
In a study by Marjorie Vargas in 1986, it was noted that black students in the United States felt insulted
by the white educators. The educators weren’t picking up on cues that the students understood what
was being instructed. For example, the white students would nod and murmur “uh-huh” but the black
students would nod much less and use “mhm” instead. The teachers took this to mean that the students
didn’t fully understand the material, but this wasn’t so, they just expressed their understanding
differently.
In Japan, the up and down nod of the head or “yes motion” is utilized not to show ‘agreement’ but to
show ‘understanding’. Therefore, while pitching a new idea or venture, it would be foolish to think that
the continuous head nodding by the Japanese was do to their willingness to invest. Creating a simple
dos and don’ts list is not feasible for these nonverbal kinesics in speech for the simple fact that there
are far too many to list and the variation of meaning across culture is so varied. With the simple
awareness of emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators the incidence of
misinterpreting their meaning can be reduced.
Caution is therefore important when dealing with international business so as to avoid any harm in
interpretation. Some other examples of regulators include putting the hand up to signal that you are
ready to speak, putting the finger up to the mouth to bring silence, waiving the hand around in a circle
so as to speed things up, rolling of the eyes showing disapproval, a gasp to show shock, throwing the
hand to someone to include them in the conversation, or shaking the head disapprovingly. All these
gestures control the flow and pattern of speech by directing, disapproving, speeding things up or
slowing them down, and even cutting the speaker short.
Using regulators in speech is necessary to create seamless turn-taking and to avoid appearing rude,
dominating or frustrating the people you are talking with. It prevents having to interrupt, eases the flow
of speech and allows everyone to make the points they wish to make without having to cut each other
off mid-sentence. The net effect of a good conversation is connectivity through the creation of seamless
turn-taking.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
How To Use Regulators
Regulators, regulate speech and control turn taking. Literally we can increase or decrease the amount of
talking that happens with simple body language. For example, to increase speaking add more nodding.
When people stop and you wish for them to continue simply nod your head, and, more often than not,
this will encourage them to begin speaking again. The use of “mhums” and “yeses” will have the same
effect. To speed speech up, or end a conversation altogether, send frequent looks away or down to your
watch.
Too much nodding, on the other hand, shows indifference which can be a useful tactic depending on the
speaker and your intent. Three nods in quick succession shows that you are ready to speak yourself and
has the net effect of increasing their rate of speech to avoid being cut off. Drawing in air and parting the
lips while tilting the head back slightly also gives the impression that someone is prepared to speak, as
does patting the mouth with two fingers. Looking at your watch or looking to the doorway will make

people talk less or if done excessively stop altogether.
Try this experiment. As your conversation begins nod your head every few seconds or as you see
agreement. Next, increase the rate at which you nod your heard regardless of any agreement. What
happens when you increase your nod frequencies? Most likely, up to about two to three continuous
nods, they will become more excited believing they are building rapport. What if you nod
continuously? I suspect it will stop the conversation altogether. Recall that three quick nods means that
you wish to interject, while continuous nodding comes across as feigned agreement sending the
conversation into a standstill. What happens with appropriate nodding absent of proper eye contact?
This signals to others that their conversation is falling on deaf ears, and will be taken as an insult. The
same goes with random nodding that has lost synchrony with speech. Telephone conversations easily
fall off their rails if one party becomes preoccupied with another task. We immediately sense that their
regulators have become unlinked from the conversation and when it comes time for them to speak, we
hear nothing in return, or there is a delay. Not surprisingly, we find that the person on the other end is
watching television – an obvious insult.
When people near the end of their though, and wish for their partner to speak, they will often lower
their volume and slow their voice down slightly. Other times, the final syllable will be drawn out or
gesturing with the hands will become less frequent or stop altogether. The eyes too are often lowered
along with the head but at the very last moment eye contact will resume indicating that it’s time for the
other person to begin speaking.
Raising the index finger can also signal a desire to speak which we learn early on in grade school
which is normally accompanied by a sharp and deep intake of air. To stifle the “index finger
interjector”, extend your hand across and make light contact with their forearm. This is a polite
nonverbal way to show that you acknowledge their desire to speak, but that you haven’t quite
concluded your point. If you sincerely wish to communicate interest and increase speaking, add a slight
head tilt and a half frown or half-smile. This shows the speaker that what they have said is unclear but
that you otherwise find it fascinating and wish to learn more.
Good communicators will make great partners amongst all types of speakers, even those that seem to
carry on endlessly or those with little to say. They will have a strong arsenal of tools to cut one set of
speaker off nonverbally, or as the case may be, encourage them to speak further. While we may take
regulators for granted, conversations would be awkward and disjointed without them. Experiment a
little for yourself and see how you can modify behaviour with regulators to suite your needs.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Culturally Our Bodies Are All Basically The
Same!

Sadness.
Happiness.

Disgust.

A universal facial expression – Anger.
Most researchers agree that the following six emotions are recognized by all cultures: happiness or
enjoyment, distress or sadness, anger, disgust, surprise and fear. However, positions the body takes on
to demonstrate these emotions vary across cultures. Since every person on the planet regardless of race
or creed has the same underlying emotions and our body language is tied to our feelings, it follows that
every person’s nonverbal language has similar roots, but like verbal language we don’t express
ourselves exactly the same. Paul Ekman from the University of California has done extensive research

into facial emotion recognition and has found just that, everyone across the planet is almost the same.
Happiness, sadness, and disgust had the best agreement between cultures, whereas fear and surprise
tended to be confused, especially by the Japanese. Another rural population, the Dani people of West
Iran, who are generally isolated from the rest of the world, showed a similar confusion between fear
and surprise. Surprise is read as a straight upward lift of the forehead whereas fear engages the muscles
between the brows folding them. The French call the area between the brows, the “grief muscle” and is
active to express both pain, as well as when you wish to inflict it. The fearful face carries a momentary
raise in the upper eyelids and a grimace comes across the mouth. Anger appears with a lowering of the
eyebrows, flaring of the eyes and a tightening of the mouth or jaw. Fear, grief and surprise in addition
to other facial expressions can quickly flash across the face in the form of micro expressions. Being
aware of them can rouse opponents and in poker indicate ‘tells.’ As people check their hidden cards, be
sure to watch for split second reactions.
Members of the Fore linguistic-cultural group of the South East Highlands of New Guinea whom had
never seen movies, who did not speak English and had never worked with a Caucasians before were
also able to read facial expressions accurately. Studies show that even blind children score similarly to
sighted children in terms of facial expressions. Further research by Paul Ekman showed that a contempt
expression was also none culturally specific and was recognized by Estonians, Germans, Greeks,
Hongkongese, Italians, Japanese, Scotts, Turks, Americans and West Sumatrans. Ekman traveled to a
remote population in the mountains of Papua New Guinea where there is no television, DVDs or
movies yet found that facial expressions remain universally understood. Once there he filmed the
expressions of the population and found that upon his return were also understood by Westerners.
With very little exception, facial expressions are universally recognized. What does differ from culture
to culture is our surroundings; our habitat and traditions. Greater differences therefore lie in our
territoriality, level of eye contact, and touching norms. These factors tie back into the density in which
we reside, and also into our comfort tolerances and preferences due to our upbringing. Gestures are
mostly learned and passed from one person to another and are thus not universal across cultures.
Gestures are more similar to verbal language. Because language and gestures are transferred over time
they also evolve.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Some Gestures Are Universal
I think she wants him to come closer.
Smiles which signify submission and enjoyment to others are a great example of a universal
expression. As mentioned not all gestures, however, have a universal origin, but one that does is the
shoulder shrug. The shrug is done by bringing the shoulders up, drawing the head in, and turning the
palms upwards so as to reveal that nothing is hidden. The shoulder shrug can also demonstrate
submission or that what is being said isn’t understood as in “I don’t know” or “I don’t get it”. Pointing
finds its place all over the world to indicate direction or to emphasis a point. However, even the
pointing gesture shows variation across culture as some will point with the index finger, others will use
the middle finger and yet others still will point with a closed fist and use the thumb to indicate. Most
cultures find pointing rude altogether, but others are more tolerant of its use. Where the middle finger is
seen as a rude gesture, using it to point can be extremely off-putting and should be avoided.
Another gesture that has roots in various cultures is the beckoning signal whereby the index finger is
curled upwards repetitively, with the palm facing up and the remaining fingers clenched. It means
“come here”. In Africa and Spanish speaking countries the entire hand can be used and includes all four
fingers whereas in Sicily the entire hand is waved palm down in a sweeping motion as if to drag the
person in. The Japanese have a similar gesture, but the four fingers are used with the palm facing the
target and is placed at head height. The fingers are then pulled inward toward the palm. To Americans
and Europeans, it might be confused with waving rather than beckoning primarily due to the height of
the hand. This gesture is found in the Maneki Neko which is the “beckoning cat” a symbolic figure.
The beckoning cat also translates to the welcoming cat, lucky cat, money cat or fortune cat.
Most gestures, however, are heavily culturally driven and are therefore learned. They are transferred
through time by their use. Gestures are obvious to locals, but to visitors the gestures often means
something else altogether. With globalization and ubiquitous media the nonverbal gap is shrinking all
the time. If the trend continues gestures will become more and more universal. As regional medias

ecome more uniform, so too does the body language. Even a country kid knows how to act in a
congested downtown city core from what they’ve seen in movies and on television. Even isolated rural
cultures including native tribes, absent of modern media are seeing more and more visitors via tourism
every year serving to assimilate their gestures.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
High/Low Context, Culture And Touching
Leaning away is a signal that personal space is being invaded.
The term “personal space” was first used by psychologist Robert Sommer in 1969 to describe the
comfortable zones that people like to keep around them. His observations stemmed from the uneasiness
experienced by hospital patients when he encroached on them. Further research into personal space has
found that closeness tolerances vary by culture, and so too does touch. For example, Americans tend to
prefer large amounts of space whereas Latin Americans, Italians and Middle Easterners require far less.
Americans come from a culture with what is called “low context” and those from the middle-east come
from “high context” cultures. In a high context culture the rules for conduct do not have to be
specifically outlined or verbalized because everyone already knows them. Thus, in a high context
culture the rules are set and the countries demographics doesn’t vary widely from person to person.
High context cultures have a long standing history so practically everyone in the country understands
the rules of touching. In a low context culture, where the individual is valued more than the that of the
whole, touching is far less frequent or tolerated. In a low context culture the content of speech is
delivered through words instead of touching. Examples of low context cultures where touching is
infrequent includes America, Germany, Japan, United Kingdom, and Australia. High context countries
where touching is more frequent includes the Middle East, Asia, Africa, Italy, Latin America and South
America. Middle ground countries include France, China and India.
A business man from Australia visiting Italy or France can be shocked to have a potential business
partner touch over coffee to emphasize a point. Those unaware of their host’s cultural norms could

misrepresent touching as a sexual advance especially if your company is of the opposite sex. Then
again, touch avoidance might also be misconstrued as rude or standoffish to a high context culture. An
attempt should be made to follow cultural norms out of respect so in a high context culture one must
fight the natural urge to pull back to avoid offending and in a low context culture we should respect
their need for privacy and personal space by limiting touching.
Here is a quick breakdown of countries by touch tolerances:
[A] English-speaking countries (Canada, United States), Australia, Japan and northern Europe. Avoid
casual touching.
[B] China, France, India. Accept some casual touching.
[C] Latin America, South America, Africa, the Mediterranean, Middle East, Italy, Russia and parts of
Asia. Freely use casual touching.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
The Ways Cultures Meet And Greet
Bowing is a courtesy gesture that is performed by bending the waist at about fifteen degrees and occurs
between members of about the same age and status. Bending to a full forty-five degrees is reserved to
show the highest degree of politeness which you might show to someone of particularly high social
status. The general rule applying to bows says that the lower ranking individual bows first, further and
longer. In very casual settings a simple head nod would suffice. Still, in other settings, a handshake
might accompany the bow and this is fast becoming the norm in Chinese society. The bow has origins
related to status since it leaves the head vulnerable to attack showing trust. In Muslim and in Judaism
the bow is seen as a gesture between God and his people, and is therefore frowned up as a gesture
between those of equal status. In European cultures, the bow is used by men alone, whereas women
perform their version, the curtsy, where the leg is tucked behind the other followed by a slight dip.
Bows are traditional in Korea, Japan and to some degree China though not as formalized.
The full salaam is a traditional greeting in Arabic speaking countries and Islamic countries but of which
is losing popularity. It is done by sweeping the right arm upwards from the heart above the head. It
begins by placing the hand in the center of the chest over the heart, palm to chest, then moving upwards
to touch the forehead, then rotating the palm out and up slight above head height in a sweeping motion.
In the abbreviated salaam the head is dropped forward or bowed and the forehead, or mouth, or both, is
touched with the fingertips then swept away. The namaste is a greeting done in India by placing both
hands together palm to palm across the chest and bowing slightly. It’s origins like the handshake and
wave demonstrates that no weapon is present.
Cheek kissing is another greeting gesture common in certain parts of the world. Kissing is common in
Switzerland, Southern Europe, the Mediterranean and Latin America. Italians, Hispanic and French
establishments will also kiss hello even while living in North America. Other pockets of kiss hellos’s
are located in Miami and also Quebec where there is a heavy influence of Latin American and
European immigrants. Others who kiss include Scandinavians who use a single kiss, the French who
use the double kiss, and the Dutch, Belgians and Arabs who use the triple kiss. The kiss hello occurs
when both people lean forward and either lightly touch cheeks together or where the lip partially
touches the check. Generally the person will simply kiss the air rather than the actual cheek. Many
variations exist of who kisses who and how. For example, women would kiss women in Southern
Europe and women would kiss men, but men kissing men varies specifically from country to country.
In Argentina and Uruguay, however, it is fairly common for male friends to kiss.

The handshake is quickly becoming the most popular method that people meet and greet one another.
Fast becoming the most common type of greeting is the handshake as it represents the middle ground
between the kiss and the bow. It contains some intimacy in the form of touching but stops short of
being too intimate for most cultures. Even with respect to the handshake there are differences across
cultures. For example firm handshakes are welcome in the West but in Asia are seen as aggressive. In
parts of East Asia and North America, women and children rarely initiate a handshake, but will usually
oblige if offered, and in Islamic countries men never shake the hands of women. Across the world a
handshake is most commonly done with the right hand, but is far from universal.
The French lead the world in the handshake department and have been shown to shakes hands for up to
thirty minutes a day. Shaking hands is common for the British, Australian, Canadian, American and
German. Variations of the number of pumps also exist with some cultures shaking hands up to seven
times. For example people from Northern Europe pump hands up and down only once and those from
Southern Europe and Latin America pump hands up and down longer and with more vigor. Other
cultures, still, will continue to hold the hand even after the handshake is complete which is common for
Indian, Asian and Arabic cultures. If not prepared, this intimacy can be disconcerting and one might be
driven to pull their hand free.
Hand kissing is another ritualistic greeting, but one that is nearly extinct today. It was common in the
European upper class in the 18th and 19th century. The hand kiss was a form of respect given to
someone of high class by someone of lower class. The palm was presented face down to a subordinate
and he or she would bow forward and kisses the knuckles or ring. It is still observed in Central Europe
such as Austria, Poland, Turkey and Hungary. Other greeting gestures are the kowtow from the Chinese
which happens by kneeling and bowing so low as the head nearly touches the ground, the hongi, a
traditional greeting in New Zealand where the noses are pressed together and hugging which is more
common among friends and family in North America, but more universal in Latin America even
amongst men, and in Russia where we see firm handshakes followed by big hugs called “bear hugs.”
Polynesians can be seen following up hugs with back rubbing. In North America where greeting
gestures are less formal, the fist pound happens where two fists are brought together as if punching
each other. Less intimate greetings include waving, hat tipping or “doff” (which is mostly obsolete) and
hat raising common in the 19th and early 20th centuries.

If you find yourself touring a foreign country who’s culture is very different from yours, but find
someone bringing you in closer to hug, kiss a cheek, or hold a hand, don’t pull back. If someone wants
to hold your hand, don’t wince, or twist it away, or if someone shakes your hand for what seems like far
too long, don’t give up part way. These cultural traditions are no worse than yours and since it is you
who is invading someone else’s territory, it is you who deserves to respect your host’s customs and not
them yours. Being welcomed by native people with their traditional greetings is their way to make you
feel at home, even if it violates your personal space requirements, or makes you uneasy. The same can
be said for greetings from the elderly whom I find routinely hang onto a hand after shaking to keep
close. Remember that an intimate greeting is a sign of respect and it should be honoured from
whomever it comes from, and in what way.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
Summary – Chapter 3
In this third chapter we examined and compared the various influences on body language: genetic,
learned and cultural. We found that in terms of genetics we all show similar roots and so display
similarly across cultures, but that learning does play a role in how we might signal. We also covered
emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators which all form a part of what is called
kinesics or how nonverbal behaviour relates to movement. Emblems, we found, are quotable gestures
that are culturally specific which can be used as replacement for words and have a direct verbal
translation. Illustrators are a second type of gesture that we use while speaking to help us paint a more
descriptive picture such as talking about a boxing match and using a punching motion. Affect displays
is nonverbal language that reveal our emotional state such as smiling or frowning and adaptors are
movements or gestures that are used to manage our feelings or control our responses such as postural
changes. Sometimes these adaptors have hidden meaning, but other times they do not, so caution is
warranted. Regulators on the other hand control turn taking and flow when people speak with one
another. Finally we covered high and low context cultures as it relates to touching and the ways various
cultures meet and greet one another.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Introduction – Chapter 4
The “luncheon test” is a fun territorial game. To play it, simply advance restaurant artifacts from your
side to the other piece-by-piece over the course of a meal. Start with the condiments (salt, pepper,
ketchup, etc.) then move onto your own personal items such as your drink, an empty salad bowl, use
napkins and so forth. Watch how your guest response. Do they push the items back to reclaim land, or
do they ease back in their chair and let you have the extra space you seem to require?
As a species, we have clear definitions and rules protecting ownership of our possessions for the
purpose of maintaining order and reducing conflict. Territoriality describes the set of rules that govern
the space around our bodies with emphasis on how we communicate ownership. A territory is defined
as the space or area around a person that is claimed as their own, to the exclusion, or inclusion, of all
others as they see fit. Territoriality is a key part of the human condition even though it is rarely thought
about. The land our houses sit upon is owned by us and we prove this to others by way of a deed and
unfortunately by the taxes we pay for the right to keep it. Most of the things inside our houses are also
ours and we prove this through shear possession, unless we save our purchase receipts. There are also
things we own but that occupy space that is shared by our communities, or that neighbouring
communities. Our cars are owned by us, yet move about the territories of others.
Fences around our homes have become commonplace showing a greater need for us to protect what
little space we own, in a rapidly expanding population, that finds itself in a shrinking community.
Apartment style housing and condominiums however, prove that as land availability shrinks, our
tolerance for density is increasing. As we shall see, habitation density controls personal space
tolerances, that is, it controls how much empty space we require around our bodies when near other
people. However we look at property and personal space, one thing is true, everyone fights to defend it.
We see this battle amongst children who fight for the front passenger seat in an automobile or among
college students for the best seat on the sofa. We can also see it with office employees who fight for the
best seats at the conference table, or even the best offices (usually the biggest or with the brightest

window or best view). Once a territory is claimed, ownership is marked. We can mark our territory by
leaving personal artifacts such as a jacket across the back of a chair or a book on a seat to reserve it. We
sometimes even go so far as hiring friends as guards to hold and protect our territories when space is
limited, or hold our cue in line. Status in a hierarchy alone can serve to protect territories. For example,
no one would contest the boss’s or Dad’s seat at the head of the table. Curiously even habit can reserve
a territory. Seating in large auditoriums (several hundred seats) in university settings is rarely assigned,
yet habit says that students sit in the same general areas class after class, while most sit in the very
same seat each lecture. Being usurped of a seat that has been reserved through this repeated claim can
be upsetting even though no written rules exist.
As spaces become more crowded our natural response is to guard our territories with even more fervor.
Cues and lines are a prime example. The longer the line and greater the wait, the more aggression
people will hold against those that jump cue. Disney world has a strict no cue jumping policy for this
reason. Cues are an interesting way of defining territory if you really think about it. Cues are eternally
moving, and changing, yet we guard our relation to others and our nearness to our goal, whatever it
might be. It has been shown that particularly violence-prone individuals such as criminals tend to have
much wider personal space requirements than regular people. What seems like miles to us, might seem
like inches to them. This is why respecting nonverbal body language that indicates aggression related to
space invasion is vitally important so we don’t cause what is called “intrusion panic.” Incidentally,
babies also suffer from panic when strangers get to close so respecting personal space goes across all
people (animals too), and even while driving – hence the term “road rage.” Setting someone off who
has tendencies to react physically can be disastrous and we never really know what type of person we
are interacting with at a given occasion since we deal with so many strangers on a daily basis.
By examining a crowded beach area we can see rules that create territories. Our friends and family will
ban together with towels and other beach artifacts to ward off others. The efficiency of the group due to
its common interest allows it to expand by creating space amongst and between its members producing
even more space for itself, a luxury not experienced by a single person or even a couple. Banding with
others creates strength and when interests align we tend to clump and form pairs, clans, gangs, groups
and so forth. If a new or better stake of land becomes available we quickly motion our troops to action,
we pull up stake, and move quickly. In high stakes environments we might even send a brave
individual from our clan to put up the first claim. Usually we follow first come takes claim because it is
found to be a fair enough rule to abide by. Because we live in a civilized society and we jostle over
generally trivial stakes our rules prohibit physical altercations.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Proxemics
This couple shares personal space because it has developed trust for one another.
Proxemics is the study of how people use space and was first introduced by American anthropologist

Edward T. Hall in the early 1960s to describe the implications distances play between people as they
interact. He summarized the rule as follows: “Like gravity, the influence of two bodies on each other is
inversely proportional not only to the square of their distance, but possibly even to the cube of the
distance between them.” According to researcher Heini Hediger who studied the psychology and
behaviour of captive animals in zoos and circuses in 1955, spacing is governed by how close animals
are to one another, with four possible responses: flight, critical or attack, personal and social. People we
find, are no different. “Personal” and “social” refers to interactions between members of the same
species and is benign and non-confrontational, whereas “flight” and “critical”, usually occurs between
members of different species and represents a direct threat or perceived threat to safety. Hall reasoned
therefore, that with few exceptions, flight and critical distances had been eliminated from human
reactions. This is largely do to the environment by which we all exist as we tolerate mild intrusions of
our personal space on a daily bases.
When people enter our personal space we predict that they are either close friends, making a sexual
advance, or they are hostile and are attempting an attack. Close encounters from strangers produce
visceral reactions. Our hearts beat faster and we become flush as our bodies prepare us to fight or run.
The same reactions are commonplace when our lovers enter our personal space for the first time. Even
a touch of the hand can send the heart into flutter and release pleasure hormones. Except in the case of
a lover the hormones are stress hormones which are naturally bad for us and in all due to all
exhilaration we get a good dose of the “action hormone” adrenaline. This is why it is so important to
respect the personal space around others. Not only will the intrusion make them feel uncomfortable, but
they will also formulate negative judgments about you. The rule of thumb is to always give provide as
much space as possible and allow others to approach you instead of vice versa.
When in public and especially in crowded areas filled with strangers our bodies will follow very
specific silent speech rules. These rules protect our sanity first and foremost. They also convey our
desires to get along with others in harmony, and that we respect them. In close, unavoidable proximity
with strangers, our bodies will tense up or remain motionless so as to avoid contact. If accidental
contact ensues, we will pull in whatever part of the body was touched and if particularly obtrusive we
offer a verbal apology. Even if contact is rare, any part of the body that may result in touching is kept
under heavy tension. We wouldn’t want our bodies to leave our control and move into the space of
someone else. To loosen up or relax our bodies, is to ignore an important rule in congested places. Even
our faces will remain rigid and free from emotion. Our gaze will be fixed or we will glaze over, looking
“through” people instead of making eye contact. We even tend to limit conversations with people we
know as this too violates the unwritten code of conduct. We’ll pick up a newspaper, even though we
might have no interest in it, just to remove ourselves from the situation even further.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Personal Space Distances
There are four distances by which people interact. They are the “intimate distance” where only about
eight inches or less separates two people, the “personal distance” from eighteen inches to five feet, the
“social distance” which is from five to ten feet and the “public distance” which is from ten feet to
twenty-five feet. We tolerate intimate distances for embracing, touching, or whispering from sexual
partners, family members and occasionally, even friends. Personal space is reserved for good friends
and those we have a fairly high level of trust. The social distance is reserved for acquaintances that we
perhaps don’t fully trust yet, but otherwise need to interact with, and the public distance is that which
we use to address large audiences.

An arm is extended to indicate that personal space is being violated and protect a personal space
bubble.
Our personal space, the area next to our bodies, which we protect against intrusion, has been referred to
as a “bubble”, since it encircles us, but it more closely resembles a cylinder. The cylinder encompasses
our entire bodies, from our feet to our head. It is this cylinder that we protect rigorously, and when it is
violated we tense up or back away so as to reduce or prevent additional overlap from the cylinders of
others. Our personal space isn’t totally fixed either. It is constantly expanding and contracting
depending on our environment and company. For example, we permit children, pets, and inanimate
objects into our personal space regularly because we do not perceive them as a threat, but other adults
must earn our trust before entering. Our personal space tolerances are directly related to the strength of
our relationship.

When space is invaded, we pull back.
In basic terms, our personal space zone is the perimeter that we feel is suitable to act as a buffer should
a dangerous situation arise. It provides us with enough time and space, we think, to react and mount a
defensive posture to protect ourselves from an attack. In a busy public area, we might tolerate (although
not prefer) moderate contact due to space limitations, but when space is abundant we see even mild
intrusions as a predictors of an attack. Our personal space zone, therefore, is an early warning system
that we use to help us predict the intensions of others.
These zones and distances are not immutable and universal, but are meant as a guide or rule of thumb.
Everyone has different levels of comfort based upon their upbringing, personality type, gender, age and
so forth. The summary listed below is a guideline that is meant for those living in areas such as
Australia, Canada, United States, Great Britain and New Zealand or other westernized countries such
as Iceland and Singapore or Guam. For other countries not listed, the zones may expand or contract
based on the inverse of their density. For example, Japan and China which have a high density have
smaller intimate zone distances. There is an inverse correlation to each zone, where the greater the
population density, the tighter the zones.
The safest way to test a person’s need for personal space is to move close, lean in, give a hearty but not
overly aggressive handshake, then take a step back to allow the person to either move in closer to
shrink the space between you and them or take a step backward, to suite a larger than average personal
space requirements. Too often people will move in too tight and overshadow someone else only to
make them uncomfortable. If someone requires less space, they won’t feel offended to take up the
space between you, and if you care anything about them, you won’t feel a need to step backwards
either. Shrinking space is a way for people to tell you that they enjoy you, and your company, and one
that you should not take offense to, but rather use as a measure of someone’s level of comfort.

Personal Space Distances
1. Intimate zone – eight inches and less. This is our intimate space which we protect vigorously. We
permit only those we trust emotionally to enter including parents, children, friends, lovers, relatives and
pets. Lovers (and pets) are the only ones we permit to enter for any length of time, the rest we allow
entry for only short instances such as for hugs.
2. Personal zone – eight inches to five feet. This is the distance from which we communicate to
acquaintances; those we have achieved some level of trust. Examples include bosses and fellow
employees, friends of friends, and so forth.
3. Social zone – five feet to ten feet. Normal for people on a first encounter such as people on the street
asking for directions, a clerk at a store, strangers at a supermarket and other people we don’t know very
well. Here we struggle between conflicting needs, one is to maintain enough space for comfort and the
other is to be close enough to communicate effectively.
4. Public zone – ten feet to twenty-five feet. This is the zone at which it is comfortable to address a
large group of people or audience during a presentation or speech. Even if we know all the members of

the group well, we still maintain a greater distance from them so we can easily address all of them and
keep everyone in our field of view. This could be an evolutionary adaptation since a large group could
easily contain rogue defectors. By getting too close to an audience we risk surprise attack which is why
we feel more comfortable with a wider buffer. Then again, it could simply be a function of judging the
efficacy of our speech by measuring the audience’s reaction.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Culture And Personal Space
Personal needs for space are largely based on environment and culture. For example, those in Latin and
Japanese cultures require less space than say Nordic cultures and this is based simply on the raw
density in which the people reside. Personal spaces needs are therefore not inherent, but are instead
cultural and learned. Cultures that require more space than average include Australians and Mongolians
whom are the least densely populated independent country of the world. Cultures that require less space
include: Italians, Japanese and Indians since the generally inhabit greatly populated countries. More to
this, is the fact that those who grew up in more rural settings such as farmers require even more space
than those who grew up in cities.
Here is a breakdown of cultural norms by region:
[A] North Americans and West Europeans. Talk at a distance where outstretched arms might touch at
their fingertips.
[B] Russians. Talk at a distance whereby the wrists of outstretched arms touch.
[C] Latin Americans, Italians and Arabs. Talk at a distance where the elbow could touch the body of the
other.
Just by knowing that these differences occur affords us a greater understanding and tolerance of other
people across cultures which can allow us to treat guests appropriately or give us hints about what we
can expect from our host country when traveling. Another factor that controls personal space
preferences are environment in nature. Crowded pubs or malls, or even elevators, produce a different
set of expectations in all people despite their cultural preferences. Even rural inhabitants know that a
full five foot buffer, or greater, is not always possible. Gender also plays a role where females generally
prefer a larger buffer between themselves and strangers especially when that stranger is male and
conversely tolerate and sometimes even appreciate smaller buffers between close female friends. Some
trains for example are specially designated to only carry female passengers to prevent men from enter
their personal space especially by men. This luxury guarantees women the safety and privacy routinely
enjoyed by men. Men, on the other hand, will generally stand further away from other men then the
norm, and permit women to stand closer.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Personal Space And Country Folk
As mentioned, city people require less space than those living in more rural settings. It’s easy to tell if
someone is from the city or country by how they choose to greet each other. Waving is commonplace in
the country because it can be done at great distance. Neighbours, or passers-by separated by several
hundred yards, or more, cannot afford to extend hands for a handshake, nor do they require it. A simple

wave of the hand in the country is sufficient and even welcomed. Unbeknownst to the city slicker, a
handshake may even raise suspicion or contempt in a rural setting creating all sorts of bad feelings.
Outsiders can often be seen as intruders, as seeming to be selling something or wanting something or
up to no good. Those living in the country infrequently come in contact with people they don’t know
forcing their personal space zones even larger, by as much as three or more feet.
When approaching someone who resides in rural settings, and where a handshake is welcomed, it is
customary to extend your hand forward by bending at the waste and keeping your feet planted.
Extending your hand, but keeping your body as far away as possible shows that you respect their need
for space. How far forward someone prefers to extend their hand is an indicator of their space
requirements. People from the city will often walk forward in attempt to shrink the distance between
their acquaintances and in turn end up bending their elbows as they shake. The opposite is found in
country folk who will keep their arms straight out to maintain distance. Those that shake hands by
thrusting forward are also indicating their need to maintain a larger space buffer. This preference for
space provides a useful bit of information which should be noted.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Status, Context And Personal Space
Status and context affect spatial and proximity rules. For example, bosses are in charge of determining
what level of closeness is appropriate and permitted as it relates to subordinate employees. This isn’t to
say that employees enjoy this arrangement but rather that employees are not permitted to reverse
proximity rules onto employers. Subordinate employees have many roles and one of them is tolerance
of the rules set for them by their seniors. For example, a boss might pat the back of one his employees
or put his or her arm around the new associate as a form of bonding. Reversal of the situation would be
seen as an infringement on the status of the boss. When it comes to touching, a subordinate should
never encroach on the personal space of someone holding a dominant position.
Contextual rules also exist with respect to personal space. In the office, it would be un-acceptable for
sexual partners to touch one another or carry on in front of others. However, in the same office hosting
a year-end business party with all of the same employees and their spouse’s, touching and even kissing
would be common place.
Therefore, status and context are two other factors we should be conscious of as they relate to
proximity and space.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
People As Objects
This body doesn’t want to be noticed or disturbed, it has mentally checked out.

This is a comfortable body ready for action.
When invasion of personal space is unavoidable such as crowded elevators, buses, trains, or
amusement parks people tread invaders as inanimate objects in effort to tolerate them.
This is why city streets are flooded with strangers behaving like zombies with expressionless faces as
they hurry about. City folk seem inhuman and unemotional, detached, despondent and more than
anything else, from an outsider’s perspective, they appear unhappy. Contrast this with a small city

where eye contact is met with smiles, nods or waves and where doors are held open for others with
words such as “thank you” provided in exchange.
So why do busily moving city slickers seem as though they are moving about a forest of trees, instead
of a sea of actual living human beings with emotions and feelings? Why do city slickers dehumanize
themselves? The answer lies in phenomenon termed “masking.” Masking is a coping strategy used to
detach ourselves from our bodies so as to avoid negative feelings as we intrude on the personal space of
others and as our personal space is intruded upon. Sometimes we even mask with outwardly aggressive
emotions typified by New York streets. Cussing, yelling and other carrying on is a way to mask
sensitivity and to hide caring. This is not to say that one becomes less human in New York, it just
means that you can’t appear to be a wimp.
Masking helps people protect themselves from their emotions and is so potent that it is difficult
sometimes to snap people from this hypnosis. Sometimes even making eye contact with others can be
seen as offensive and returned only with an expressionless face, a glare, or even a snarl as if implying
that the issue is that of another and not theirs.
Just like country folk expect and appreciate amicable greetings, smiles, waves and nods, city slickers
expect and appreciate emotionless faces, few or no greetings and for people to mind their own business.
Don’t confuse either situation for anything other than a coping mechanism. Taken in similar context,
you might just see how similar each breed of people really is.
Here is a breakdown of ways we act in crowded places like subways and elevators:
[A] We stand or sit still, unmoving. The more crowded the area, the more frozen we remain.
[B] The face becomes blank and expressionless, but it is not due to negative thoughts but rather as a
coping mechanism.
[C] Eye contact is avoided by looking at the floor or ceiling.
[D] Books, newspapers and other devices appear particularly interesting and immersive, serving to
detach the self emotionally from the situation.
[E] Under extremely crowded conditions where touching is unavoidable, bodies appear to jostle to
make space and if possible only allow shoulders and elbows to touch.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Space And Eye Contact
Eye contact avoidance tells others that we aren’t interested in what’s being sold.
You can imagine that strangers walking about in public want to maintain a certain degree of separation
between one another. This can and is achieved through eye contact. Reducing or preventing eye contact
is a way to tell other people that they wish to maintain their space and privacy, and do not wish to
communicate with others. Eye contact is a function of intimacy and has been referred to as part of the
equilibrium state. That is, eye contact is one component that controls the degree of intimacy, the other
is distance. By controlling one or the other, or both, we can control aspects of our equilibrium state, or
intimacy, such as whether it will start at all, and how or when it should end. You can imagine that full
intimacy can not happen at great distances although telephones and web technology attempt to do
otherwise. Each fails miserably and does intimacy no justice.
As distance increases, intimacy decreases so you can imagine that strangers would feel freer to glare at
others from say, across the road, but as they near the point at which they intersect they will drop or
avert their eyes so as to eliminate intimacy. Therefore, that which gives permission for staring is
distance and that which protects intimacy is eye contact. To have real intimacy both proximity and eye
contact must be present. By this argument, city people aren’t rude at all, they are just doing what is
normal, avoiding unwanted intimacy from strangers. Rural settings where there is a real possibility that
you actually know the person on the street, or know a relative of the person is large, so intimacy is not
only permitted by also safe. Eye contact in the city can send the wrong message to the wrong person
inviting unwanted contact.
To illustrate this point imagine a women who is happily married but otherwise attractive to men. Upon
entering a coffee shop, she turns the heads of men. When she notices that she is being watched, she
averts her gaze and instead of making eye contact she ‘looks over the heads of others’ or possibly even
looking down her nose at them by tilting her head backward showing disapproval. She sends a
disinterested message, an “I’m taken.” If startled, she might inadvertently make eye contact with a

stranger but she will instinctively drop her head and avert her gaze sideways, being careful to make no
emotion facial expressions. In doing so, she avoids emitting the wrong message and therefore prevents
unwanted solicitation. Men are often victims of assuming any eye contact is flirtatious, even if it
happens by accident, thus women are generally careful of whom they look at directly. Some women
learn this through a bad experience; others seem to know it instinctively. Men can test this out for
themselves by trying to secure eye contact with women as they pass them on the street. Men are rarely
able to secure eye contact from strangers and it’s usually not for a lack of trying.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Spatial Empathy
This ‘fugitive’ is trying to escape a space invader.
“Spatial empathy” is an informal term used by expatriate workers in Hong Kong and then later in Japan
and China who were typically from Australia, England, France and the United States. The term was use
to describe the awareness that individuals have about how their proximity affects the comfort of the
people around them. Even though cities such as Hong Kong, Japan and China were westernized, the
walkways and public transport system were very crowded by comparison. The expatriates found that
preventing intrusion into their personal space was difficult and at times impossible.
The foreign workers that were not accustomed to physical closeness and physical contact were made to
feel violated by the locals. They felt that their privacy was being infringed upon and that their personal
space requirements weren’t being met. What the workers failed to realize was that it was their
responsibility to adapt to the cultural norms of the locals and not the other way around so while the
locals had no spatial empathy the workers had no cultural empathy.
While spatial empathy was first coined to describe the differences between cultures it also has
application within cultures as some people have different levels of tolerance with regards to their
personal space. Naturally, it is your choice to decide what you will do with someone else’s preference,

e it to respect it by reading their signals and give them space, or ignore it and invade it. I supposed it
would have everything to do with what your goals happens to be. Will you respect the needs of the
people around you and try to make them feel comfortable or will you invade their space to fulfill your
own needs?
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
The Urinal Game
The urinal game is a thought experiment designed to illustrate what territory and space mean in today’s
modern world. Sure it involves a little bathroom humour, but if you bear with it, so to speak, you’ll be
relieved. The goal of the game is to decide on which urinal is the most appropriate to use given the set
of variables. In the game, there are six upright urinals to choose from, and they are ordered from the
entry or doorway, to the end of the washroom. Urinal 1 is closest to the door and urinal 6 is closest to
the end wall. The ideal urinal, of course, is the one that protects your privacy the most. Specifically it is
the urinal that maximizes the amount of space between you, and the next person. The urinal game is not
much different than what everyone does daily as we navigate crowded areas or chose seating in busy
cafeterias.
1. All 6 urinals are empty. Which do you choose?
2. Now urinal 2 and urinal 4 are occupied. Which is the proper urinal?
3. Urinal 2, 4 and 6 are all occupied. Which is the proper urinal?
4. Urinal 1, 2, 5 and 6 are now all occupied.
Answers: 1) While urinal 1 and 6 are both acceptable answers the most correct answers is urinal 6 since
it prevents anyone needing to pass in behind you while you urinate. Both urinal 1 and 6 are somewhat
correct since the end wall prevents being flanked on either side. 2) Urinal 6 is the answer once again for
similar reasons as in the first scenario. 3) This one is a catch since you are bound to be stuck next to at
least one other guy. However, option 1 is the best since it affords at least some space between you and
the others instead of being right up against another guy. 4) This answer is simple. You don’t use any of
the urinals! Instead, you go to the mirror or pre-wash your hands, fix your hair, adjust your tie or suck
up your pride and use a stall!
Some additional rules to this urinal game which are similar to the games we play in elevators include:
Absolutely no touching permitted other then yourself. No talking or singing unless you are with close
buddies or are heavily intoxicated, and even then, it should be kept to a minimum especially while
urinating. Glances are a one time affair and are simply used to acknowledge the presence of others and
nothing more.
Throw them a curve at the urinals! In rather bizarre experiment, researchers measured the time taken to
micturate (to you and me, this means to pee) either with or without someone standing directly next to
them. Not surprisingly, closer distances led to increases in micturation delay and a decrease in
micturation persistence! With this ground breaking research we can conclude two things: 1) Peeing is
harder to do around strangers because it prevents us from relaxing our external urethral sphincter and
shortens peeing because it increases intravesical pressure once begun; and on a slightly more serious
and applicable note 2) Stranger who invade our personal space increases our arousal and anxiety
preventing us from getting relatively even unimportant things done. Imagine how space invasion
affects more important tasks!

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Indicators of Invasion
‘Ventral denial,’ or turning the front of the body away is a sign that there is discomfort.
There are some very simple ways in which people indicate that they are being invaded, and they are
important should one want to avoid offending them. As we have learned in this chapter, personal space
is important to all people and so we want to be cautious not to intrude on others for two reasons: first,
for the sake of the comfort of the people around us, and second, for our own sake, so that people don’t
attach negative ideas to us.
Strangers should be given the most amount of space until we get to know them so we should avoid
breaking the five foot separation mark unless invited to do so. While it might seem rude to keep a new
acquaintance at a distance and five feet might even seem like a huge distance, it’s a clearly defined
ritual and a benchmark that most people find commonplace. For those that use touch to display
connectivity (the touchy-feely ones) should show reservation at least until proper rapport is built and
your acquaintance shows relaxed and open signals. Handshakes are common across most culture and
are acceptable greeting method when meeting new people. The kiss-hello and other more intimate
methods to greet find their place in many cultures, but the handshake is becoming more and more
popular across the globe, so it’s a fairly safe bet it will be well received. After the handshake is
complete, on should take a step back or to the side to converse. Next, you should allow the other person
to define their preferred zone in which to carry on the remainder of the interaction. This is done by
allowing them to move forward or backward if they desire. Eventually you will find a happy medium
between you and them, so do avoid continuously approaching or leaning forward, in other words, plant
your feet and keep an upright body.
Your partner will signal that you are encroaching on them and making them feel uncomfortable by
taking a step backwards. If this isn’t possible due to space restrictions, or while in tight quarters such as
an elevator, or if continuously followed by advancements, your partner will begin to pull their heads
backwards and away. Even when space is not limited, we may find that polite people that don’t wish to

overtly show that they are being infringed upon may also simply pull their heads back versus stepping
backwards. If you find that you are constantly moving forward, then it’s likely because your comfort
distance is less than the comfort distance of others.
Others might just show a bigger smile (possibly showing stress) and simply pretend that nothing is
bothering them, but as soon as eye contact is broken or when their speaking partner is distracted, will
take a step back. Others still, can pull their arms up and out to reserve space or can use their hand on
the sleeve of the other to keep them from advancing. Arm crossing also demonstrates a negative
posture and is used to shield the body so this can also indicate encroachment. Respecting other people’s
intimate zones is extremely important. Invading people’s space can cause anxiety, irritation, anger or
fear. If all else fails, you know you’ve exceeded the general personal space of others when your eyes
begin to fuzz or cross, or you feel the uncomfortable sensation of warm breath on your face. When all
else fails, take a step back and let them close the gap.
Chapter 4 – Space and Territory
Summary – Chapter 4
In this chapter we looked in depth about space or territory and how it influences body language. We
learned that the term applied to how people use space is proxemics and it includes personal space,
distance norms, how cultures and regionality such as rural and urban centers are reflected in personal
space, and how they relate to status and context. We learned why people turn into zombies in crowded
city streets, how eye contact can control intimacy and why we should respect people’s personal space
comforts no matter where they hail. We then played the urinal game and showed how space ties
together with this ritual, and finally we covered indicators of invasion which can help us in respecting
space limitations when in novel situations, or when around new acquaintances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Introduction – Chapter 5
Lovers gazing adoringly.
The language of the eye has been shown by researchers to be more reliable than other body language
because the movements the eyes make are involuntary and fleeting. This makes it hard for people to
pay as much attention to them as, say the arms, hands or the legs. Eyes straight ahead while considering
an answer, as we will see means that a prospect is passively considering information, the eyes down
means that someone is concentrating or evaluating and the eyes upward means that an idea is being
analyzed. Conversely, eyes looking off into space indicates a loss of interest, and eye contact avoidance
indicates submission or fear. We can also tell a lot about what a person is thinking just by how the eyes
move and then relating it back to context as we shall cover later.
In the seventies, Michael Argyle found that about sixty percent of conversation involved some form of
gazing. He found that only thirty percent involved mutual gazing where the eyes met and held eye
contact directly and that people look twice as often (seventy-five percent) while listening, versus just
forty percent while speaking. The average gaze length was recorded to be about three seconds long
whereas mutual gaze lasted just over one second before being broken. Eye contact has been found to be
related to both cultural and personality differences. For example, Japanese and South Americans use far
less eye contact as it is thought to be aggressive and disrespectful and introverted people make less eye
contact then someone who is extroverted. It has also been shown through research that eye gaze is an
indication of patterns in speech. People will tend to look away as they begin to speak, presumably to
avoid distraction, and will then return their gaze as they near completion of their thought.
Eye contact is also a great way to measure like-mindedness. The more agreement is formed between
individuals, the more eye contact is present. Even under research conditions where strangers were
forced to hold eye contact for extended periods of time, they reported a greater sense of liking. We also
tend to distrust others who make poor eye contact with us because subconsciously we think they are
trying to hide something. The following chapter deals with the complete language of the eyes including

its hidden meaning.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Gazing
Avoiding eye contact shows disagreement.
Eye contact and gaze are some of the most salient nonverbal behaviours in human interaction. It is the
first connection a mother has with her infant and the first interaction that infant has with anyone.
Through gazing forms a very powerful and special bond between mother and infant. However, even
mothers differ in their strength and frequency of gaze with their children. Affectionate mothers will go
out of their way to kneel so as to bring their eyes into level, whereas, less affectionate mothers tend to
lean forward instead and use gaze much less frequently. These experiences from early development
formulate our norms which can persist throughout our lives. Only with conscious effort can we change
them, but first we must understand the purpose and function of gaze and also what good gaze habits
really are.
Over the course of a typical day, eye gaze can reveal cues to interest, attention, affiliation, intimacy,
approval, dominance, aggression and openness to personal involvement. Gaze happens in a much
different way than a stare. Stares are like daggers, shooting invisible arrows into the face of another. A
gaze is inviting and a display of warmth. A gaze includes the attachment of a positive emotion which
men sometimes have difficulty with. Lovers are particularly adept at gazing, with bouts sometimes
lasting for several minutes, other times even much longer. As early as six children seem to pick up that
eye contact and gaze indicate a connection. Young girls tend to realize it sooner than young boys and
women tend to enjoy gaze more than men and so use eye contact and gaze more readily. Additionally,
women will hold eye-gaze for longer periods of time than men, which is most evident when women
gaze at other women.
Gazing is eye language that can take up various meaning depending on how it is done. The “face-gaze”

happens when one person directs their eyes at another person’s face. “Eye-gaze”, on the other hand,
happens when the gaze is directed toward the eyes of another but of which that person might not
reciprocate. “Mutual-gaze” happens when two people look each other’s faces which might include
bouts of eye-gaze and “eye-contact” refers to two people looking directly into each other’s eyes. Other
forms of gaze include “omission”, defined as a failure to look at someone without intending to and
“avoidance”, in which a person purposely prevents eye contact. Most are familiar with “staring”, but to
be sure, we define it as a persistent look that occurs regardless of what another person is doing. Simply
defining the types of gazes and eye contact likely evoke some pretty strong feelings which can be
positive as in the case of mutual gaze or negative as in the stare. Prolonged eye contact early in a
loosely established relationship is almost always taken negatively, or with hostility, and decoded by
others as offensive. We may even think prolonged eye contact is a result of projected dislike or even
disapproval of others, even when it is the result of affection or attraction. Holding gaze for as little as
three seconds longer than normal can come across as over-assertiveness and create contempt. However,
because we aren’t always aware of eye contact consciously, others won’t be able to describe the reason
for their feelings which is why the use of gaze needs to be taken seriously.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
The Friendly Social Gaze
When friends talk to one another they aren’t trying to peer into their souls, rather, they gaze. The gaze
is non-threatening and like the intimate gaze, which follows, the eyes travel over the face in a specific
pattern. In the friendly gaze, the eyes travel in a triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth
with some infrequent looks to the rest of the body. The reason we cast our eyes infrequently over other
parts of the body is simply due to the reason that it is of less interest and of less value in friendship
which is just the opposite of that which happens in the intimate gaze. With friends, gaze is brief, lasting
only about three seconds followed by looking away. The research tells us that about seventy-five
percent of the time eyes travel through the triangular pattern from the eyes to the mouth, ten percent of
the time is spent on forays to the forehead and hair, and five percent to the chin, with the remaining
time split on various other features.
After a period of gaze or mutual eye-contact both people will avert their eyes downward instead of left,
right or upward. But if you are really in a comedic mood and want to put the fright into someone, break
your eye contact by quickly looking up and taking a step backwards! They will most certainly think
that something is about to fall on them which is the likely reason we rarely look up when breaking eye
contact. Looking down, on the other hand is a symbol of submission whereas looking left or right can
imply disinterest (or interest in something else), or a desire to withdraw from the conversation. Looking
past or ‘through’ someone, by having an expressionless face, and unblinking eyes has the same affect, it
places importance on other things aside from the conversation at hand. Of course, and as mentioned
previously, feelings associated with improper eye contact is noted and held subconsciously, since for
most people they are out of the normal range of awareness. That being said, people will attach powerful
feelings and judgments to us based on how we use eye contact during conversation regardless of our
true personalities.
The extreme end of negative thoughts and feelings related to eye contact comes from prolonged periods
of unbroken eye contact – staring!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
When Men’s Eyes Meet Women’s Eyes – The
Intimate Gaze
The eye’s of lovers.
If the eyes of men and women meet and there is a spark, the eyes will follow specific patterns across
the face to form an intimate gaze. Initially there will be a quick burst to establish interest, than the eyes
will be quickly averted. Women will show interest by breaking eye contact downward versus to the left
or right. Looking left or right is seen as “stealing a look” where one either, wishes not to be caught, or
is simply scanning the room. Stealing looks is what married men do when they notice attractive
women. Since married men have no true intention of pursuing, they look covertly so as to avoid
detection of their spouse and that which has gained their temporary interest. In other words, they steal
looks for their own sake and wish to pay no price for its sake.
This is why interested women will be found to avoid looking left or right so as not to appear to be
stealing looks. Looking down to break eye contact is sexy because it’s coy, submissive and teasing.
Looking down punctuates sexual interest. Looking sideways is a willful indication that one is scanning
the room entirely and is not checking someone else out. Although at times, a sideways look will show
timidity about being caught or that one isn’t ready to reveal their true interests.
If interest is mutual and conversation arises, scanning of the face will take place. The eyes will form a
pattern from a triangular pattern from eye to eye and down to the mouth or chin. The eyes will also
wander briefly to other parts of the face, but the vast majority of time will be spent looking at the eyes
and mouth. Gaze duration during intimacy lasts in bouts of approximately four to five seconds. When
the eyes finally do leave the face they will check out the rest of the body, to examine clothing, overall
build, jewelry and rings. Both sexes, despite social norms, will glance over more intimate areas of the
body such as the crotch and breasts. Men tend to check women out from the ground up, starting from
the legs, then to the crotch, torso, breasts, shoulders, then face. The vast majority of women find being

scanned by men to be a turn-off, however, studies show that women habitually check men out just as
often, they simply do it much more discretely.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
The Business Gaze
When engaging people in business it is important to hold the correct eye contact. Eye contact begins as
soon as you wish to engage someone, but doesn’t happen continuously and in varies with whom you
speak with. In fact, eye contact should be held about eighty to ninety percent of the time when men and
women speak or when women speak to each other, but when men speak to each other, eye contact
should be held only about sixty to seventy percent of the time.
If gaze is held for too long while men and women speak, men will evoke feelings of discomfort in
women whereas women will evoke feelings of sexual interest, context permitting or dominance. If eye
contact between men and women is any less than the eighty to ninety percent benchmark, both sexes
will read disinterest. On the other hand if gaze is held too long amongst men, it is read as aggression, or
if too short, as a lack of confidence or shiftiness. Women who wish to level the field in business can use
gaze to their advantage by holding it longer than normal to increase their dominance or conversely can
invoke protective feelings in men to gain resources by showing less eye contact and hence appearing
more submissive. Women who increase gaze time while speaking with men will make them feel much
more insecure and uneasy than that which would be caused by men against women. Men are not
accustomed to taking on submissive roles especially when in the company of women, thus any women
who wishes to use this tactic should be prepared. Women should always use their discretion and take
their rank into consideration to decide which type of gaze is most appropriate.
As we have seen thus far, eye contact indicates that we have someone’s attention or that we are paying
attention. We also discovered that while eye contact is important, we shouldn’t hold eye contact for too
long lest we appear to be staring or overly dominant and while we are in the company of friends or
lovers we might check out the rest of their overall physic, their clothing, their shoes and so forth, doing
so in a business setting is not recommended. As noted previously, the friendly gaze travels a triangular
pattern from eye to eye and then to the mouth, whereas the intimate gazes travels the same pattern with
forays to the lower regions of the body in order to be “sized up”.
In business, it is important not to cast our gaze below the neckline so as not to appear sexually
interested. Most of the business gaze is spent traveling from eye to eye and down only as far as the
nose. The goal of the business gaze is to show interest and intensity but omit any sexual indicators. To
convey an even greater seriousness, the eyes should travel from eye to eye then to the forehead, but
never any lower. If you note any up and down gaze patterns from an opposite sex employer, you can be
fairly certain they have more than just business on their mind! Also, men with female bosses should
never allow their eyes to travel over their boss’s body unless they wish to convey sexual interest (and
are prepared for the repercussions that might stem from it!). For every other encounter that is undefined
or undetermined use the gaze pattern most likely to yield the response you desire. So if you wish to
create friends, use the friendship gaze pattern or if you fancy someone, create intimacy with the
intimacy gaze pattern and make eye forays across the face, to the lips and down to the crotch or breasts
but if you want to keep it professional, keep all gaze around the eyes, nose and forehead.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Why Sometimes Eye Contact Is Bad
A 2006 study by Stirling University psychologists found that children who were instructed to avoid eye
contact while considering their response to a question had a seventy-two percent chance of answering
correctly but only a fifty percent chance of answered correctly when they had not been told to look
away. One of the theories advanced to explain this finding suggests that looking at human faces, which
are complex and information rich, requires a lot of mental processing and that this might disrupt
thinking. So next time you want a child (or anyone) to provide a correct answer, instead of forcing
them to be polite and maintain eye contact, allow them the freedom to cast their gaze wherever it might
fall so they can better process the information. The research shows that children were justified all along
by avoiding eye contact when posed difficult questions.
Eye aversion during complex thought is just one example of why sometimes eye contact is bad.
Another says that eye aversion controls hierarchy and many species of animals have evolved eye
aversion as a function of appeasement gestures. Primates will use direct stares as part of their threat
display which is a precursor to direct physical aggression. Averting the eyes altogether or looking down
and away with brief glances in the direction of the aggressor can serve to eliminate an attack response.
Eye aversion to reduce physical violence is to the benefit of both parties because it eliminates the
chances of serious injury or even death. In most cases the aggressor, having received the signal that he
is higher in the ranks, will stop in its tracks and turn away.
Eye aversion is a form of submission and submission is usually all that is desired from most attackers.
Simply put, violence is often the byproduct of two individuals who refuse to heed each other’s
dominance displays, and of which are naturally fairly evenly matched. When dominance displays
include things like strutting, stretching, false charges, chest pounding and so forth can not definitively
crown a winner, then the conflict is settled by physical contest. Obviously, the last description could
apply to any one species of animals, but it could also apply to people. When neither person backs
down, a fight ensues.
Children who avoid eye contact can also avoid being physically abused by other students, although it
does nothing to eliminate the problem altogether. It has been said that the only true way to settle a bully
down is to give them a bit of their own medicine. Bullies are always trying to pick easy fights to build
up their dominance and so tend not to want to fight as much as one would be lead to think. Eye contact
between humans and non-humans is also well documented. For example, young children who haven’t
yet learned to avoid eye contact with dogs, tend to be attacked more often as the dog perceives the child
as an aggressor. By most accounts it is recommended that people avoid direct eye contact when
confronted by bears to avoid hostile encounters. Avoiding eye contact switches off the threat response
and tells the bear that you do not wish to end the dispute with a physical contest.
In most animal species unwavering gaze is used to display dominance and aggression when it happens
between members of the same species. When it happens across species it indicates that a prey has been
centered out and the stalk has begun. Looking away and avoiding eye contact is a submissive cue and
the least dominant is usually the first one to look away. Knowing this, you can easily test out your own
dominance. Just pick a victim and stare directly into their eyes for an extended period of time. Whoever
breaks first admits to lower rank. You will see that direct and piercing eye contact lasting any longer
than five seconds will create an intense desire to look away. If you find it difficult to stare someone
down like this then look at the area just above the eyes, as if the person had a third eye. While we know
we aren’t making eye contact, the victim won’t realize the difference. Staring will evoke stress, they

will feel prey-like and under attack. Keeping the eyes unblinking or even narrowing them is akin to a
predator-prey interaction which will make the dominance display even more powerful. However you
decide to experiment, do so at your own risk!
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Putting Your Best Side Forth
We have always been told to put our best foot forward but it might be more advantageous to always put
our best side forward instead. But what side really is our best? Is there really even a best side? You
might be surprised to note that our faces do in fact have a good and bad side and it’s based on
perspectives or how our minds view things. All but the most beautiful of people have some asymmetry
in their faces. Meaning the left side of their face is not an exact mirror image of the right. For example,
the eyes and mouth aren’t usually perfectly parallel, one eye might open wider than the other, we may
have one check bone set higher than the other and so on.
To determine which side of your face is your best, begin by running a line from one eye to the other
and then run a second line across the centre line of the mouth horizontally. Obviously this is best done
with a still print photograph with the face head on. Having drawn our lines we now need to explain our
findings, and to do so we draw from how we view perspective, landscapes in particular. Take any
landscape drawing or photograph and note that as we look “into” the photograph, distant lines converge
on each other, producing the effect of appearing smaller. Objects nearby, that appear larger, have lines
that diverge. Objects that appear close also seem to slop or drop as they near us, again giving us the
impression that they are larger. Obviously, in reality, objects neither increase nor decrease in size as our
distance to them changes, it is merely a function of perspective.
Our best side therefore, is the side which lends itself best according to the rules of perspective. When
we look at a face at any other angle besides head-on, the best view will be that which has the greatest
distance between the edge of the mouth and the corner of the eye since it produces the proper effect in
lieu of distance and perspective. We expect to see a wider gap nearest us which then narrows as it
moves away. Our mind prefers to see the distant eye as actually being further away and one of the ways
it perceives this is for the line created through the center of the mouth and the line created through both
eyes to converge, otherwise it becomes confused. This confusion is perceived as being less attractive.
The greater the angle between the mouth and the eye, the stronger is the effect producing an even
greater difference between a person’s good and bad side, since the effect is amplified. Naturally too,
symmetrical faces will have no best or worst side as it pertains to perspective since either side will
produce this correct effect.
Having this knowledge, take the time to examine your face to determine which side has the greatest
separation from eye to mouth and when in conversations or in photographs be sure to orient that side
toward the camera or toward your company. The effect might be subtle, but if you are posing for an
important photograph or planning an important meeting, or auditioning for a movie role, it just might
make your face that much more memorable.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
How To Avoid An Attack Or Speeding Ticket
A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.
If you wish to avoid an attack, quickly avert your eyes, pull your head and chin down and draw your
shoulders and body inward to make it appear smaller. Submissive postures, like this one, switches off
the aggressive attack response in other people. A large part of what provides motivation for those in
power, is the power itself and it has been said that those in positions of power want nothing else but
more power. So to avoid an attack all we need to do is give them that power, ideally it is in the form of
less physical methods. Taking up a submissive posture and admitting guilt is usually enough of a payoff
to avoid a speeding ticket at best, or at worst, lessening the amount of punishment that will be received.
If asked to step out of the vehicle, keep slouched so as to never reach your full height and don’t
completely avoid eye contact, but don’t stare either. Keep reserved, hold your arms and hands across
your mid section or in your pockets, but never cross your arms in effort to confront.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.
Only rarely does a direct confrontation between subordinate and superior individuals lead to a positive
outcome for the subordinate since the aim of each must align and only rarely does this happen. Your
goal is therefore to produce a situation where the dominant person receives an equal or better outcome,
or a weak payout (such as making them feel guilty for giving a nice person a ticket). Affirming ones
position against another only leads them to affirm their position further. This completes a never ending
cycle that can escalate in short order. By admitting that you are wrong it forces people to mirror this

stance causing them to drop their aggression.
If you don’t plan on fighting the ticket in court your best course of action is to vehemently admit your
mistakes, and do it repeatedly for effect. The side of the road is not the place to start an argument, that’s
what the courts are for, so save it for then. Right now your job is to make the officer feel bad for giving
a nice person a ticket so what you want to do is act as if you are an honest, well respected member of
the community. Even if you do plan to fight it, you still want to be forgotten so the officer doesn’t go
back to his cruiser to jot down notes and begin to mount his court case. If he can’t remember you in
court he won’t be able to defend his ticket.
When asked for information, provide it quickly and without hesitation. Avoid “humming” and “haaing”
and be as helpful and short as possible, he’s heard all the excuses already so don’t bother getting
emotional. The worst you can do is to appear as a threat to his safety by being shifty and moving
erratically. When asked for your driver’s license and registration be sure to tell him where they are
located and in what order you will give them to him. When reaching in an enclosed compartment like
the glove box be sure not to hold eye contact since most attackers look directly into their victims eyes
before they assault them. Statistics say that officers are very likely to be assaulted or even killed while
on routine traffic stops.
Once you’ve given all the correct body language signals watch for the moment where the officer finally
judges that you aren’t a threat. The officer’s body language will become more relaxed and loose and
you can begin to address them in a less rigid and formal manner. Cracking jokes is risky, at this point
though, since you may put them back into an authoritative position by appearing to belittling the
situation. If they seem bent on issuing a ticket though, you may have nothing to lose and easing up
might have them lower the fine even at the last moment. If you are persuasive enough and can
efficiently built rapport, you may be able to walk the thin line between presenting your case which can
be taken as an insult and setting off his dominance triggers.

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.
There are other times altogether when showing submission just won’t work to avoid attack. Walking in
the city at night is one of them especially for women. Postures such as slumped shoulders, drooping
head and a worried face are the postures attackers use to identify easy victims. While placating some
attackers might sometimes be appropriate, it won’t work in every situation since every attacker has
different motives and while submission postures will help reduce punishment from someone with
morals and ethics, it will do nothing to reduce an attack from a criminal who is interested in your

pocket money, looking for someone to abduct, or worse. The same has been said for bear attacks. It just
so happens that bears, just like people, have different motives depending on their disposition, mood,
hunger, sex. Female bears are particularly aggressive when their cubs are present. Therefore, your
natural inclination should always be to hold dominant postures first, to fight and run if possible, and
only show submission to people whose punishment you are willing to accept. The last thing you want
to do is appear as though you’d be easily taken advantage of especially when faced by a stranger. So
the default street posture is to keep your head up, shoulders back and a loose body. If someone is going
to attack a confident looking person, they’d most likely attack you regardless of your posture, so taking
on a confident posture is always the most appropriate in questionable circumstances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Dilated Pupils
Big pupils means big interest. Our eyes open up to the world to take in all the good things it sees.
In a classic study by Eckhard Hess in 1965, it was shown that pupil size was related to attractiveness in

females. The men in the study were shown drawings of women’s faces, ones with normal sized pupils
and ones with larger sized pupils. The men found that the larger pupil size was more attractive. This
finding lead researchers to coin the term “pupillometry” referring to the measurement of the size of the
pupil and its effect on others. Pupillometrics, on the other hand, refers to the evaluation of the pupil’s
size in relation to interest and emotion.
The pupil is measured with the help of infrared cameras or sensors since visible light would throw off
readings. The pupils are affected by light and open and close to allow more or less light in which assists
in proper vision. In low light conditions the pupils will dilate or open to allow more light in and in
bright conditions, the pupils will constrict to restrict the amount of light let it. Cameras are equipped
with apertures which serve the same function. The bigger the hole, the more light comes through and
the eye needs just the right amount of light to see properly.
Various studies show that our pupils also respond to positive stimuli by dilating or constricting when a
person sees unpleasant or uninteresting stimuli. For example, pupils dilate more when heterosexual
viewers see nude images of the opposite sex and constrict when viewing same sex images. Viewing
unpleasant images such as crippled children, war scenes, or torture, leads to the constriction of the
pupils. Hess and his colleagues found that an increase in pupil size was positively correlated with
mental activity and problem solving and that people reached maximum dilation as they neared a
solution. Further to this, images that were modified to contain female models with larger pupils tended
to be rated more attractive and friendlier then images where the pupils were modified to be smaller or
unmodified.
Pupil sizes can therefore be used to read people because it gives us a reliable tool for measuring interest
and arousal even if in a subtle way. Subconsciously we are all aware of other’s pupil sizes as indicated
by the study. Men were not able to consciously describe why they felt certain images were more
attractive than others, but they did so anyway. Increased pupil size can be an indication of any positive
stimuli such as food when hungry, or when seeking companionship, other potential suitors in a room.
Paying at least some conscious attention to the pupil sizes of others can give us information about the
overall state the people around us are in. One of the reasons pupil size is so powerful is because we are
not able to consciously control the size of our pupils which means that pupils will always naturally
react to stimuli we find attractive. Wearing sunglasses by professional poker players is partially
explained with these findings since dilated pupils might provide a ‘tell’ to their opponents.
If you think pupils aren’t hardwired, then take the pupil test. Have someone look at the drawing in
“image B” while covering “image A” then after some time have them look at “image A” while covering
“image B”. You will notice that the eyes dilate in response as the brain naturally thinks it is looking at a
set of eyes. Italian women in the 18th century would place eye drops called belladonna containing
atropine to chemically induce their eyes to dilate in order to elicit attention from men. Today, marketing
does the work for us, as images are commonly doctored by image modifying software to appeal to our
innate biology. Turning the lights down or a candle lit dinner can have the same effect. Even artificially
modifying pupil size by dimming the lights subconsciously produces arousal. Through their eyes they
tell us that they are interested in us and so we become interested in them!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
The Room Encompassing Glance
There’s no mystery in these eyes.
The room encompassing glance is a sexual signal performed by women interested in being pursued.
More specifically, it is done by women who are “checking out” potential suitors and it is done totally
unconsciously as is most all other body language. It is very subtle and also very specific. The glance
occurs by first casting her eyes around the room for five to ten seconds. If she spots someone she is
interested in, she will take a second look. This second glance is not directed at the entire room, but
rather in the direction of a specific man. It will be short, and she will rotate her head twenty-five to
forty degrees to the side then look away, usually downward, within about three seconds. Women
usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this point, the target and the
woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds which is normally broken by the woman. It
should be noted also that most men are fairly clueless in reading this signal and usually miss it. If
women wish to make it more powerful and obvious they should add a slight smile. The light bulb
usually goes off with this more overt signal.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Blink Rate
Eye Blink Rate, Extended Eye Blinking, Eye Blocking And The Double Wink
Eye Blink Rate
Studies have linked arousal with increased eye blink rate. When we blink we add moisture to the eye
with the help of tears and oil secreted by small glands that line the inner edge of our eyelids.
Researchers have theorized that an increased eye blink rate helps us moisten and clean our eyes in

preparation for action so we won’t miss a thing.
Pronounced eye blinking can happen during sexual arousal and attraction, while under pressure, or any
other time we feel particularly excited. A rapid series of eye blinks can also indicate an inner struggle
or distress which may happen when we hear something we don’t particularly agree with, or when we
can’t find the right words to express ourselves. Other times our eyes flutter when we’re troubled with
our performance on an issue, befuddled, or simply struggling outright. Women that have thick, dark,
long lashes can even use a high blink rate to seduce men. Applying mascara helps draw emphasis to a
women’s eyes even further and when she “bat’s her eyes” can bring a grown man to his knees. We
should also be careful not to jump to conclusions since a high blink rate can also be attributed to dry
air, stress, having something trapped on the eye itself or any multitude of other reasons. Therefore, high
eye blink rate is particularly context sensitive.
Higher blink rate is also subject to mimicry. For example, speaking excitedly about a topic and
increasing eye blink rate will induce others to follow and blink at similar rates. This can come in handy,
not only in a dating situation, but also while pitching ideas because if people mimic a high blink rate,
they will subconsciously perceive that they are excited, which can move them to action.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Extended Eye Blinking
The opposite to the high blinker is the extended blinker, and whether by accident or by purpose, the
extended blinker puts other’s off by showing disinterest and a smug attitude. A normal blink lasts only
about a tenth of a second and at a rate of about six to eight blinks per minute. An extended blink can
last from two to three seconds or even longer. Try one right now just as an experiment. Close your eyes
at a normal rate but hold them closed momentarily and then quickly reopen them. Now try extending
the time they remain closed. And finally, image this is done either while speaking or listening to
someone else. Naturally, the longer the blink the more salient the message, with several seconds not
being out of the question. The extended eye blink will be perceived by others as arrogant and pompous
since it comes across as temporarily shutting out the outside world, especially the immediate company.
The extended blinker is sending the message to others that what others are doing or saying isn’t worth
their energy and thought.
There are two main ways to thwart the extended blinker. The first is to reduce your blink rate or widen
your eyes as if staring, and hold more eye contact to try to have them mirror you or put them on edge.
The second method is a tiny bit underhanded, but sends a much stronger message. When your partner
has their eyes closed, quickly jump to the right or left or move closer. This will have the effect of
startling them as they reopen their eyes and found that you have slightly moved! If done well enough,
you should expect to have achieved a fear response in them which will naturally create a need for them
to hold better eye contact.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Blocking
A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing. Adults will use more subtle
forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A second related nonverbal behavior to the extended blinker is “eye-blocking” which is a term given to
eyes that squint, shield or are covered by the hands or other objects. People cover their eyes when they
feel threatened or don’t like what they see. My wife has a habit of covering her eyes (and blocking her
ears) when horror movie previews suddenly appear on the television screen! Pupil size also related
back to arousal and aggression. When we see things we like, our pupils dilate to allow the maximum
amount of light in, but when we see something we don’t like, they immediately constrict. The same
effect occurs when eyelids are constricted or squinted as they serve to reduce light hitting the eye. This
brings objects into tighter focus allowing us to more clearly defend ourselves against an attack. Eye
squinting related to tight focus is why we see people with less than perfect vision squinting to read
when they are without their glasses. Incidentally, the same effect can be done by making a small hole in
a piece of paper and reading through it, the effect will be to bring it back into focus by assisting the
eye. Eye blocking can manifest itself in other ways too, sometimes just by accident. Restaurants that
see it fit to place large center pieces in the middle of tables can present an interesting experiment. Does
your company remove the item to get a better look at you so they can “take you all in” or to they keep
it there to stifle the flow of conversations? I have a habit of discarding the center island especially if it’s
useless and tall (or an ad to sell me expensive drinks!). I’ll even place it on a neighbouring table if
convenient or on the seat next to me. I want to see my company, but do they want to see you?
Eye squinting or covering can be related back to a baseline to produce predictive powers. For example,
while questioning someone about theft or vandalism, or any other event that brings back images that
someone wishes not to recall, note when eyes become constricted. This will tell you which aspects of
your recount makes them most uncomfortable. When vital information is struck, eye blocking in one
form or another will surface. From there, it will be up to you to deduce the exact reason for eye
blocking. Squinting can also flash as a microexpression in accompaniment of inconsistent body
language to reveal true feelings. For example, smiling and waving to an acquaintance at a distance
while squinting, shows that there is a poor connection and perhaps a subsurface distaste for them.
Squinting can also be done while reading material that is disagreeable and will arise instantaneously
without awareness. This is obviously a very useful ‘tell’ when negotiating contracts or devising plans.
Other times eyebrows will lower instead of eye squinting, but the meaning is the same. Conversely,
raised or arched eyebrows show positive feelings and high confidence.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Double Wink
Most of us are familiar with the connotations of a single wink which to Westerners implies cheekiness
or when between men and women a low key sexual invitation. When done by men to unfamiliar
women though, it can be off-putting, but by women onto men a welcomed sexual invitation! However,
to avoid coming off too strong, men can use the “double wink”. The double wink is done by blinking
both eyes at the same time and holding them closed for a slightly longer period of time than that which
is found in a natural blink. This wink lasts about one third of a second or slightly longer and the eyelids
can be re-opened slowly for added effect. Men that add a smile as they reopen their eyes can double the
effect.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Flashes, Eye Widening And Flashbulb Eyes
Flashbulb eyes – it’s how the eyes show excitement.
The eye flash is similar to the eyebrow flash in that they both occur very quickly. In the case of the eye

flash it lasts on average for only 0.75 seconds but is easily perceived and is quite obvious. The eye
flash is a momentary widening of the eyelids during a conversation to reveal the sclera, or whites of the
eyes, with no involvement of the eyelids. Humans are the only primates that have whites around their
eyes whereas other ape’s eyes are completely dark. It has been theorized that the whites of the eyes
evolved as a means of communication helping indicate eye direction.
The eyeflash when given by a speaker, emphasizes specific words being spoken. The eyeflash can
serve to change the meaning of a given word or phrase by putting emphasis on one word over another.
It normally accompanies adjectives rather than any other parts of speech, and women use it more often
them men. I did however notice Brad Pitt perform the eyeflash repeatedly while in a speaking scene in
a movie. I’m not sure exactly sure what his intent of the flash entailed, as it accompanied no talking
and it occurred once every few seconds while listening, and to me, it seemed odd. Never-the- less he
must have thought it added emphasized to his part in the scene. Of note is when eyebrows start and stop
flashing as they indicate attachment and excitement with whatever content is being presented. If eyes
suddenly stop flashing then it’s likely that a person is lacking in enthusiasms and commitment for the
topic at hand. The eyeflash is also association with raised eyebrows to signal submission. Lowering the
eyebrows of course, signals the opposite, that is dominance.
On the other hand, a loving mother will widen her eyes when viewing her newborn baby indicating that
she cares for them and within seventy-two hours of birth her child will do the same when she enters the
room. Eye widening is a positive nonverbal cue indicating that someone is observing positive stimuli
that bring them joy and happiness. Eye widening is another form of gravity defying behaviour that is
ubiquitous in showing positive emotions and joy. When true contentment is present the eyes will lack
any tension at all and will appear relaxed. The size of the eyes directly indicates how positive someone
is about a topic. While making eyes bigger and flashing them means that good thoughts are held,
squinting where the eyes are compressed means negative thought are held. The same goes for lowered
eyebrows!
The final eye cue is flashbulb eyes, which is done by dramatically opening the eyes as big and wide as
possible. The eyebrows usually arch in unison as well to make the eyes appear even larger. The cue is
usually done to indicate surprise and positive emotions such as being excited to see someone, or have
been given a promotion.
[help! - Brad Pitt’s filmology shows over sixty movies and I can’t figure out which movie he was in
when he did the eye flash. I do recall it was an older movie and don’t think he was actively speaking at
the time, more listening, and in an alley/dark area of some sort. If you know the movie send it my
way!]

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Looking Up Through The Forehead
Head titled at 45 degrees coupled with the looking-up-through-the-forehead is a cue cluster of interest.
Looking up through the forehead is done by tilted the head at a forty-five degree angle and looking
upwards. The posture is a reflection back into early childhood as children look up at us as seeking our
approval or permission. Children might even add a big pouty lip as icing on the cake! This is a
submissive posture and is included here in the chapter on eye language because the eyes play such an
important role. When used by women it comes across as a “come-hither look.” It makes women appear
more childlike and evokes protective feelings in men. The posture can be used to gain sympathy from
others as well. Take for example, the asking of directions in a foreign environment. Adding a head tilt
shows that you are no threat and also shows that you are in need of help. Subconsciously, people will
see that you sincerely need and deserve the help, and will be more willing to assist you. It might even
help reduce punishment should the context warrant it.

This interest posture is hard to miss.
A study conducted in 2006 headed by Eva Krumhuber of the United Kingdom presented subjects with
male and female computerized characters differing in types of smiles and head tilting. They found that
a “slow onset smile”, a smile that gradually forms versus one that quickly flashes across the face, was
not only more attractive, more trustworthy and more flirtatious but also less fake and less dominant.
This held true for both men and women. The head tilt added an extra positive dimension as well. In the
study they rated people as being even more attractive and trustworthy when they canted their head

ather than kept it upright. The lesson here is that both men and women can use head tilt coupled with
an honest slow growing smile to positively influence people.
The head tilt can also be helpful in creating cooperative arrangements or even favourable impressions,
empathy and warmth, with just about everyone. Women are traditionally the most effective users of this
gesture and for children, it comes naturally. Children are keen to use this ploy on us as they beg for
sweets or for a sleep-over party or permission to join extra curricular activities. They pout their lips, tilt
their head, and look up at us through sad eyes. If done properly, it makes us want to care for them and
meet their needs but if overused, it makes us revolt, not unlike what we might see if overused by adults.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Size And Neoteny
Science shows that women who have neotenous characteristics like big eyes tend to illicit protective
feelings in others.

All children are born with a small nose, round chubby cheeks, soft skin, big eyes that are set low on
their faces, and a big round face. We call these features “neotenous” as they remind us of characteristics
found near birth. As early as the 1940’s it was found by researchers that these features make infants
appear cute and lovable and increase the likelihood of eliciting care behaviour from parents. Even
cartoon characters directed at children take up similar morphology. If you’ve ever compared Mickey
the famous mouse to a real life mouse, you will note the difference in ratios their eyes hold. Real mice
have very tiny eyes when compared to a creature that is much more beloved.
Studies show that women who have big round eyes are seen as more attractive a trait that goes across
cultures and ethnicities. Thus, the preference for the neotenic condition also persists throughout
adulthood. The studies also found that a “halo effect” surrounds women with big eyes and that we
naturally feel that they are warm, caring, honest, naïve, kind, agreeable, sociable and trustworthy.
Mature faces with small facial features, on the other hand, elicit the opposite set of characteristics. We
see people holding these more adult-like traits as physically strong, dominant, competent, experienced,
independent, shrewd, and in control. Obviously, either condition can be advantageous depending on
whether one wishes to be lead, or one wishes to lead. However, what the study does reveal is that
neither condition is up to our willful choice, but rather has been decided for us through our inherent
traits.
A very popular surgery for Asian women is to create the double eyelid which is called “blepharoplasty.”
Asian people lack the fold or eyelid crease and so their eyes are narrowed and oval in appearance. The
surgery adds a second fold or crease in the eyelid from an eyelid without a crease, producing a rounder
westernized eye. This cosmetic surgery is the most popular among Asian women, even more so then
breast augmentation showing just how strong neoteny is rooted in our nature.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Shifty Eyes
Eyes that dart are associated with lying. In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort,
which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Paul Ekman’s research into lying says that people often attribute shifty or darting eyes to liars,
however, as a predictor of a lie it actually falls short. Looking away from complicated human faces
helps us concentrate and so it doesn’t really tell us much more than that thought is taking place. Human
lie detectors may suppose that no thought needs to take place when truth telling, so they eyes need not
be diverted. In reality however, the eyes can wander due to a variety of reasons not the least of which
are connected to the thought of being mistrusted, labeled a liar, or being punished.
Therefore the stress and nervousness of being put on the spot is enough to cause the eyes to exhibit
patterns that seem dishonest. Experienced poker players, wishing to disguise a strong hand, can careful
craft misleading “eye tells” fooling other players. For example, wincing at a card that is actually a good
card, or using darting eyes when telling the truth, or best yet, producing cues at random, can really
confuse opponents. The research also notes that pathological liars are particularly adept at maintaining
eye contact even more so then people who are honest. Researchers have theorized that liars want to
track the success of their lies and so by watching the face of their victims, they can gauge their
effectiveness accordingly and adjust if necessary. Therefore, the real give-away to lying might, in fact
be an increase in eye contact rather than a decrease in eye contact. However, as it turns out, even this
clue is sometimes misleading as it can be adjusted accordingly as we saw in the poker example above.
Another reason we might see poor eye contact is as an indication of the desire to exit an undesirable
situations. At social events or parties, this is especially the case. We might catch eyes moving about the
room as the minds of guests wander for more stimulating interactions. So to gauge interest you can note
where their eyes wander and how much eye contact they use. Our eyes go to where our minds already
are, and of which our bodies want to be. We of course think it to be rude to just up and leave whilst
speaking to a fellow guest, however by casting our gaze randomly or specifically to our object of
interest we send the same message. While too much eye contact can also be rude and unnatural, so too
is extended periods spent looking away, or looking all about the room in a distracted fashion. Eye
patterns, therefore, need to be carefully constructed to send the message we intend.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Looking Askance And Eye Rolling
When the eyes roll they say – I can’t be expected to focus on such a ridiculous statement.
Looking askance is a nonverbal cue that is done with the eyes and head in combination. It is done by
tilting the head slightly to the side but stopping short of facing head on where the eyes roll the rest of
the way forming a scowl. This face shows disapproval, distrust and suspicion. This cue is commonly
associated with a disapproving mother type although this is usually in its exaggerated form. Other times
the gesture happens quickly as if to say “You didn’t just say that, you better start backpedaling” or
“I’ve heard what you said loud and clear, but I’m not buying what you’re selling.” Eye rolling, on the
other hand spells disbelief as in “I can’t believe you just said this, you are a fool.”
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Stealing Looks
We’ve all done it. We’ve all checked someone out without them being aware. Even girls do it to check
our rival females or a particularly hunky guy. Women think men are the only ones, but that is only
because science has show us that men’s peripheral vision is so much less broad then women’s. Since
women can see much more of what is going on without other’s being aware, they appear less obvious
and get caught less easily. When men look, they zero in as if they are tracking a prey animal and so
appear to stare. As a sexy women walks past, men’s eyes almost universally drop down to the women’s
behind. However, if men could sacrifice just one gaze and keep it affixed to the women they are with,
they will notice that they too have noticed the other women’s behind. The only point of difference is
that while men only notice the rear end, women noticed both the rear end and also that her man’s eyes
dropped to check it out! If women didn’t really notice both, how would they know what men were

actually looking at!
Stealing looks can happen more discretely too. Out of the corner of our eye, we spot a sexy blonde or
tall handsome man so our eyes look to the side quickly while our head remains motionless. Without
skipping a beat we continue in our conversation because we don’t want to acknowledge our shallow
curiousity. We might even drop our heads to inspect our hands (a slight of hand in magic) or our meal
in order to divert witnesses. Then, if desired we cast our eyes back if we feel particularly compelled to
act sneaky. More often though, we steal looks in an effort not to be noticed by the ones we steal from.
What is the hidden meaning behind stealing a look? The answer is simple, it’s context specific!
Performed by a married man checking out attractive woman, for example, it can indicate sexual interest
under secrecy. In this case, the interest is normally benign; the look is concealed such that he wants no
one to know because he does not intend to pursue his interest. In other words, it’s just an idle curiosity.
For a woman checking out another woman, it might indicate jealousy or competitiveness as she is seen
as a rival. If it occurs in combination with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brows, or a frown it could
mean hostility, suspicion or a critical attitude. With the combination of the lips pressed firmly together
it might indicate a suspicious or questioning attitude. The eyes might also be used to subtly draw the
attention of our company onto the others without them being aware so we might include them in
negative conversation or gossip. As in, “I heard about the new girl Julie (in a whispering voice)” then
motioning twice in succession with the eyes in the direction of Julie to indicate exactly who is being
spoken about. Finally, stealing looks might be simply used to satisfy a flat out curiousity of which we
don’t want others from which we steal from to notice. In this case, we don’t want them to have the
satisfaction of knowing that they peak our interest so it might build their confidence even further while
making us appear desperate or of lower status. Obviously this is just a small list of the possible reasons
for look stealing, each one being context specific and requiring additional cues to properly solve.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Audience Eye Contact
When presenting to an audience it can be intimidating to hold eye contact, but it’s a necessary condition
for delivering a message effectively. Eye contact need not be met with each individual person in an
extremely large audience because most people won’t be able to distinguish specific eye direction
anyway. Depending on the size of the crowd and the distance at which the presenter speaks, eye contact
made at one person might seem to be directed at as many as five or even fifteen people surrounding
them.
To make eye contact easier when addressing a crowd, you should centre out someone that you find less
intimidating as the first person to make eye contact with. As people make their way into the room and
as you organize, you’ll have plenty of time to centre someone out. Generally, this person should be at
the center of the audience. Next you should choose at least one person in every corner of the room from
which you can jump back in forth over the course of the presentation. If you find this intimidating, you
can choose inanimate objects such as an exit sign or an empty chair to focus on or you can direct your
gaze above their eyes such as to their foreheads or their hair instead. Your introduction is your first
impression and is therefore the most crucial time during the presentation to make eye contact.
As the size of the group grows, it becomes more difficult to make a solid connection, making eye
contact even more important. The nature of addressing larger groups says that we generally address
them from further away than we would a smaller group. This is especially the case for groups larger
than fifty. Groups with two, to about fifteen, should make it easy to make eye contact with everyone, so

a good solid attempt should be made to do just that. If you accomplish this, the impression will be the
strongest possible. You never really know which people will yield the most constructive interactions at
the end of your presentation, so you will want to keep all avenues open.
While answering a question be sure to hold eye contact with the inquirer directly, rather than the
audience at larger, especially when you first begin to respond. If the material turns into something that
is of general audience interest, feel free to resume eye contact with the rest of the people. Eye contact
should be held with each audience member momentarily instead of shifting from person to person
hastily. Ideally, you will shift your view from person to person to emphasis points or transitions in your
speech. Your rate of speech should be slower than the rate at which you would speak to a friend since
any missed information can’t be easily or quickly clarified with questions. Also be sure to vary the rate
of your speech, the tone and the pitch thereby avoiding monotony.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Direction, Thought And NLP
Eye movements are well known in neuro-linguistic programming abbreviated NLP, a system developed
to help induce behavioural changes and improve communication between colleagues as well as to
retrain thinking in business. It was developed in the 1970s by two researches in California, Richard
Bandler and John Grinder who noted that the predominant research into human behaviour focused on
problems rather than on solutions. NLP rather, focuses on the behaviour of successful people and is
thought that by copying them, others too, can be successful. “Neuro” refers to the fives senses (hearing,
touch, smell, sight, taste) “Linguistic” refers to the use of language to order thought and behaviour and
“Programming” reflects the way ideas and thought are organized into actions. NLP is driven by
defining positive outcomes, understanding how other’s perceive particular circumstances, and in
identifying the roots by which thoughts affect images, sound or feelings.
It was discovered through experiment that eye movement is related to that part of the brain people
where accessing. It began when researches noticed that the brain processed different information in
different hemispheres. It was found that right handed people tended to shift their heads and eyes to the
right during “left hemisphere” tasks such as logical and verbal processing and left handed people had
entirely opposite patterns.
A typical left-handed person would have the opposite meanings for their eye-directions. Therefore,
people tended to look to the opposite sides of the brains for the answers. Eye movements in this way, is
one of the most well known but also the most controversial discoveries of NLP. It might also be one of
the most valuable. The researches attached electrodes to subjects to track eye movement and brain
wave characteristics. They were then asked questions related to sight, hearing or feeling tasks that
involved memory or right brain processing and mental construction or left brain processing. Eye
movement was shown to be related to how people process information. For example, upward eye
movements reflected visual processing, lateral eye movements reflected auditory processing and
downward movements reflected either kinesthetic (touch) or an inner thought or feeling.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Using The Eye Trick To Predict Things
What’s she thinking?
To apply the psychic NLP eye trick examine where people look as they attempt to recollect or express

their thoughts. For most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left is a signal that one is
accessing a visual memory whereas movement up and right means that a person is trying to construct a
visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as remembering
sounds and words. Eyes down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk, and down and right
indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated, they signal
that visual or sensory information is being accessed.
These eye patterns appear to be consistent for all right handed people throughout the world except for a
few minor exceptions. Many left handed people though tend to reverse from left to right and access
information opposite to right handed people. Therefore, they tend to look down and left to access
feelings instead of up and left.
These patterns can provide us with information that have predictive powers. By watching and reading
the eye direction of other people we can draw inferences about how they are accessing the information
which can be particularly helpful when trying to determine their intentions. Lie detection comes first to
mind, but we can also deduce how one is internalizing thought by what their eyes are doing. As it
pertains to lying, for example, right and up (constructed visual) and right and level (constructed
auditory) both show that a person is trying to create or imagine new details about something whereas
left and up (visual remembered) and left and level (auditory remembered) indicating that a person is
remembering something that had actually happened.
A word of caution though is that it is not all that easy to follow someone’s eyes and some of the
expressions last just fractions of seconds. Not only this, but people can access multiple parts of their
brain to recall the similar ideas. Some people also have habitual eye movements that have developed
over time so a person that is highly visual might look up and left, or right, regardless of the type of
question being asked. Someone who is kinesthetically oriented might look down and right all the time
even in reference to a thought about music or sound. However, even these cues can give us indications
of the
types of mind they have and therefore the type of person they are. By using eye gaze in NLP we can
better tailor presentations to key in on more visual or auditory elements as required by our listeners.
Here is a list of questions to help determine what type of learner you are working with in order to better
help you tailor information:

Eye Access Cues.
1) Visual Remembered: Think of the colour of your first bicycle. Think of the first person you saw as
you entered the office this morning.
2) Visual Construction: Imagine what it would be like to fly. Imagine your dream home and pretend
you are entering through the front door, what do you see?
3) Auditory Remembered: What was one of your most favourite things your parents have ever said to
you? What types of sounds do you most enjoy?
4) Auditory Constructed: What would a rabbit sound like it if could talk? What would your boss say if
he knew you were stealing office supplies?
5) Auditory Digital (Internal Self Talk): What does the sound of your inner voice make? What kind of
dialogue happens when you think of your spouse and children? When do you find you talk to yourself
the most?

6) Kinesthetic Remembered (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine what sandpaper feels like against your
skin. Imagine what a cat feels like as you pet it. Think of a time in your life when you felt you had
accomplished something that made you proud. When was the last time you were completely exhausted?
7) Kinesthetic Construction (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine the feeling of sand between your fingers
that gradually turned sticky instead of rough. Imagine the feeling of helplessness turned into
empowerment.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
How People Learn
Turn the music down, she’s a visual learner!
There are three main ways in which people process new information. They are auditory (spoken

words), kinesthetic (touch) and visual (images). When presenting information it is important to identify
which methods are most suitable because every person absorbs information in a different way and so
prefers to learn through specific mediums. It is also important to realize your own unique tastes so you
can satisfy your own needs and learn more effectively.
Auditory learners, those who learn primarily through spoken words make up about twenty five percent
of the population. This group of people prefers to hear the information through oral presentation,
lectures and speeches. Oral learners will be found playing music frequently, or will leave a television or
radio in the background to stimulate them. Other oral learners will be distracted by sound so they
instead run white noise machines or play nature or ocean sounds to sooth themselves. You can also
identify auditory learners because they will say things like “That rings a bell”, “I hear you” or “That
doesn’t sound right”.
Visual learners account for around thirty five percent of the population. They will prefer charts, maps,
graphs, images and photographs. You can identify a visual learner because they will say things like “I
can see that”, “I just don’t see how that’s possible” or “yes, I see, that makes perfect sense”. Obviously
having at least some visual props will assist any presentation but if you are looking to impress a visual
learner, the more the better.
Kinesthetic learners represent the remaining forty percent and they prefer to learn mainly by touch.
They prefer to learn by doing rather than simply watching and so they take poorly to lecture situations
and can exhibit a desire to move. They often want to take action before learning, and jump right in, so
to speak. Kinesthetic learners can be restless or hyperactive when under-stimulated physically. These
types of learner will prefer dioramas, physical models, role-playing, or reenactments. Kinesthetic
learners prefer test driving ideas or building things as they learn about them. We can identify
kinesthetic learners as they will often say things like “Let’s bounce that idea around”, “I can’t quite
grasp that idea”, “I’m having trouble feeling that” or “Yeah I can warp my fingers around that one.”
More often than not, people will learn through every channel, despite having a more preferred method.
Therefore, to teach effectively, it’s important to use as many of the teaching techniques as possible, not
only so you can involve the greatest percentage of people, but so that you can use more of everyone’s
senses making a much more diverse and powerful presentation.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Contact In Business
This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.
Eye language is important in business as it can often be more indicative of intent then other body
language. It can also significantly improve the chances of a sale at best, and at worst, can simply help
convey better meaning and understanding. The most effective use of eye contact is in fleeting glances,
which at first might seem counter-intuitive. However, prolonged eye contact can be seen as rude,
untrustworthy, threatening or even aggressive. When seen in a client, it can mean that a sale is being
resisted, where he or she is “staring” you down trying to find flaws in your sales pitch. Poor eye contact
or prolonged periods of looking away can mean the reverse; indifference or outright disinterest. This is
why brief glances followed by looking away, or at the material at hand, is most appropriate in a sale,
and when done by a client, the best indication that a sales call is being well received.
The way eyes are positioned can give us indications of what a person is thinking. Generally, a person is
passively receiving information if they are simply looking straight ahead and when conscientiously
processing the information clients will look upward.
Here is a break-down for the complete set of eye movement patterns and what they mean as they relate
to business:
1. Eyes focused straight ahead – passive receiving of information
2. Prolonged eye contact – threat and aggression or disinterest in sales pitch
3. Eyes to the right – message is being considered
4. Eyes to the left – person is relating to a past experience.
5. Eyes down – emotional concentration from an emotional thinker.
6. Extended looks away – desire to withdraw or vacate.
7. Eyes at ceiling – conscious analyzing.
By being aware of the manner in which the eyes focus, one can gauge the success or failure of the

meeting, so as to either, remedy the pitch in the future or rework the meeting on the fly.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Eye Contact During A Job Interview
Eye contact during an interview has been repeatedly found to have a powerful influence on the
interviewer. Interviewees who hold good eye contact tend to receive more favourable hiring decisions,
to be rated more positively and to be rated more suitable for jobs requiring self confidence.
The most appropriate types of eye contact in an interview have been shown through research to be
about two to three second bursts of eye contact followed by looking away. Looking down continuously
or avoiding eye contact altogether, or conversely, holding extended eye contact can all result in poor
judgment. Continuous shifting of the eyes around the room can come off as dishonest and can make
people think that you are expecting to be bust at anytime. For what, the interviewee doesn’t know, but
he will remain suspicious nonetheless. Looking toward the door or appearing distracted by what is
going on outside a window will only serve to demonstrate your lack of interest in the job position and
negative feelings will be attached to you personally. Poor eye contact might also be taken by the
interviewer personally and he may become offended. As interviewees, we must pay particular attention
to good eye contact while listening and while speaking. Most of us are good at one, but not both, but
being aware of our shortcomings is at least a good first step. So don’t dismiss good eye language in an
interview and follow the patterns described above: two to three second bursts of eye contact followed
by looking away.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
When And How To Use The Eyebrow Flash
Some recent research has shown that the eyebrow flash is most effective when it takes place between
people who are already acquainted, but it can also be effective amongst potential suitors. Over a
crowded room, the eyebrow flash can express interest and curiosity in someone of the opposite sex and
can even make someone believe that you have already met and so create familiarity. That being the
case, the eyebrow flash can also be taken as offensive, create anxiety or even hostility, and put people
off if no natural attraction is present. Therefore, the eyebrow flash can be risky, but with someone with
nothing to lose, can be neatly rewarded.
In a study by John Martin conducted in 1997 which he titled “Slaughtering a sacred cow: The eyebrow
flash is not a universal social greeting” he found that the eyebrow flash was totally ineffective between
strangers and sometimes even produced negative emotions. He found that people who were eye flashed
keep more personal space between themselves and the flashers. The head nod and smile, he found,
elicited a much better result, but a smile added to an eyebrow flash performed just as poorly. The
eyebrow flash, however, was well received by those already acquainted to the flasher highlighting the
importance of having a previous history with someone and reaffirming the likelihood that the greeting
is a gesture amongst the familiar. Eyebrow flashes were also better received across the sexes then
within the sexes. Therefore, it follows that a head nod and smile is appropriate for stranger, whereas an
eyebrow flash is more effective to acquaintances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Catching People Who Fail To Recognize You
It’s your twenty-five year class reunion and you’ve shed over thirty pounds and dropped your geeky
look. From across the room you recognize an old crush so you make your way over. You give her an
eyebrow flash at a few paces and she flashes back but then draws her brow into a wrinkle. She’s shown
that she recognizes you, through the eyebrow flash, but isn’t sure how, hence the flexing of the grief
muscle between the eyes.
When the eyebrow flash is done outside of a class reunion, it can be even more confusing because a
person has many more variables to consider when trying to place you. Chance meetings happen all the
time, but the further they happen from a context in which we expect, the more difficult it is to place
people. Sometimes we get stuck hanging because we eyebrow flash and the person doesn’t flash us
back. But even then, and usually subconsciously, their mind will begin to fire and they will
automatically try to place you. In the meantime we naturally feel embarrassed for not being recognized,
even though we haven’t verbally acknowledged them. Trying to start a conversation with an exclassmate
who hasn’t returned an eyebrow flash can be risky and embarrassing producing an awkward
conversation. The eyebrow flash, therefore, is an excellent tool to help us avoid even more pronounced
embarrassment than necessary. Simply put, if you don’t get a flash back, don’t bother starting a
conversation because they don’t remember you!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
The Eyebrows In Communication
The eyebrow cock – something you said was interesting.
The eyebrows are very active in conversation. They can furrow to show anger or be turned inward and

down to show disgust or a crucial view. Even still, the eyebrows can be raised fully to express surprise
or be singly raised and lower to indicate suspicion. One eyebrow raised and the other level or neutral is
a widespread sign of skepticism or displeasure and is called the eyebrow cock but if done subtly with a
slightly cocked head and a cheeky smile means “interesting”.
Disappointingly, very few actors have control over their eyebrows, and if you don’t believe me just
watch for yourself. I’m not sure they could use their faces very efficiently even if they tried, as the use
of eyebrows is not something that is easily consciously controlled. I have noticed that female television
news anchors will flash away during most of their reports but men won’t. This is also the case with
male actors who favour control, presumably to appear more dominant especially in lead roles.
Placement, size, and shape of the eyebrows also portray different meaning. Lower eyebrows appear
more dominant whereas high eyebrows make for a more subordinate yet perpetually surprised look.
Eyebrows that are turned in near the outside of the face also called “medially downturned” make the
face appear more concerned or empathetic. Bushy eyebrows signal dominance, and thin brows remind
us of children so appear more neotenous whereas the uni-brow where the eyebrow forms one single
brow across both eyes appears archaic, unsophisticated and un-groomed.
The eyebrows also have a language all to themselves. The eyebrow raise, where the eyebrows come
straight up and then back down in one motion, happens in speech to emphasis certain words, to
punctuate a point or in accompaniment with questions. The eyebrows raise can also appear as a request
for approval when unsure how our thoughts stand with others, or can even be meant as a measure to
verify if what we have said is being understood. In this case, the eyebrows will come up and pause for a
second and seek some sort of gesture of approval such as a head nod or vocal agreement before being
lowered. If there is no approval, then we might see the “eyebrow hold” which is akin to the shrugging
of the shoulders, indicating a lack of knowledge or even helplessness. Politicians and children do this
often when they seek approval, it says “So, what do you think, have I don’t a good job?”
Other times the eyebrows will move almost continuously throughout a conversation when we really
want to impress someone, flirt with them, or act particularly animated. If eyebrows are raised with a
slight tilt of the head at the end of the sentence it is to check to see if the message was understood but if
it is done with a slow raise of the head, it means disapproval saying “What you have just said, surprises
me”. Disapproval is even stronger if the head is lowered with the lips pursed tightly accompanied by
raised eyebrows. This signals a desire to end communication altogether.
Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye
Summary – Chapter 5
It was all about the eyes in this chapter. We covered the friendly gaze where the eyes travel in a
triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth, the intimate gaze where the vast majority of time
is spend looking at the eyes and mouth and the business gaze where eighty to ninety percent of the time
is spent with direct eye contact and where the eyes never go below the neckline.
Next we covered how certain eye contact can be threatening, how to put your best side forward and
how to avoid an attack by switching off the attack response. When looked at pupillometrics, or the
study of pupil size in relation to emotion and we saw that larger pupils both signal attractiveness and
interest. Having covered the basics it was time to put eye language into practice with the room
encompassing glance, a clear signal of female interest, how blink rate can signal stress, an extended
blink can be offputting and how the double wink can be sexy. Eye blocking was emphasized as a

negative cue done to avoid harmful images or thoughts, and hit on eye flashes, eye widening and
flashbulb eyes all carrying their own unique nonverbal message.
We found that by tilting the head at forty five degrees and looking upwards women can display the
come-hither look invoking feelings of protectiveness in men. We also found that eye size was related to
attractiveness and this was measured through research. Next we looked at shifty eyes and how they can
predict stress, but not necessarily lying per se, looking askance to send “the look”, stealing looks and
what it means, and how to properly address an audience through eye contact. NLP, we saw, refers to
neuro-linguistic programming which is a system developed to induce behavioural changes and improve
communication and derives its value by reaching for defined positive outcomes through identifying the
roots by which thoughts affect images and sound or feelings. We then learned that NLP can help us
predict things. For example, we saw that for most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left
is a signal of accessing a visual memory, movement up and right means that a person is trying to
construct a visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as
remembering sounds and words. Down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk and down and
right indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated they
signal visual or any sensory information.
We also learned that there are three main ways in which people learn new information; auditory
(spoken words) twenty five percent, kinesthetic (touch) forty percent and visual (images) thirty five
percent. We also saw that eye direction has meaning where eyes focused straight ahead means passive
receiving of information and eyes down means emotionally concentrating. From there we hit on
appropriate eye contact during an interview and while communicating, the eyebrow and eye flash and
what they mean and how they can be used.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Introduction – Chapter 6
Laughing is a primitive fear response – so to elicit laughter just surprise people with wit.
The word humour comes from the Greek humoral referring to medicine (humours) that was thought to
control human health and emotion whereas a sense of humour is the ability to experience humour.
Humour depends on culture, education, intelligence and also context. Humour also has many variations
such as slapstick thought to be a rudimentary form, and satire which was thought to be a more educated
version. Laughter, on the other hand, is what results from humour and helps clarify emotional context
(by defining amusement) between people.
Humour is deeply rooted in human evolution and is thought to be centered in two regions of the brain
containing von Economo neurons which help us move though a complex social environment. Since
laughter is universal it is thought to be a tool used to break down boundaries between people and
cultures and create bonds. Laughter, as we shall see, is contagious and releases a host of pleasurable
hormones throughout the body. An entire branch of therapy exists devoted to laughter as medicine.
In this chapter we will examine the different types of smiles including the Duchenne smile, the tight
lipped smile (high and low intensity), uneven smile, the upper smile, the grin or smirk and the broad
smile. We also cover the origination of smiles and laughter, their contagion, how they generate leniency
and who smiles more, men or women. We will also hit on laughing cycles, the theory of jokes and
when to avoid telling dirty jokes, why women should not grunt when they laugh and how laughter is
linked to health.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest
Smile

The orbicularis muscles
contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet – “smiling eyes”. When we see
crows feet, we have true happiness.
Smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles which are the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the
side of the face to connect to the corners of the mouth, and the orbicularis oculi muscles that pull the
eyes back. The orbicularis muscles are particularly important as they are used to cause what’s called
“smiling eyes”. Smiling eyes, also called “crow’s feet”, where a classic wrinkling appears in the corner
of the eyes is an indication of true happiness. The zygomatic muscles, on the other hand, are
consciously controlled and are the ones that normally flex when we smile for the camera. Therefore,
the appearance of crow’s feet is a great way of determining genuine enjoyment. Insincere smiles appear
as exposed teeth and stretched lips across the face with no wrinkles in the eyes. Crow’s feet however,
can be faked with extreme smiles when the full face ends up really squished, but what separates the two
is that in the real smile the corner of the eyes will turn downwards and the eyebrows will dip as well.
The honest smile has also been called the “Duchenne smile”, after the French researcher Guillaume
Duchenne who was first to research smiles using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to
distinguish between real and fake smiles.

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!
Symmetry is also important in a real smile. Natural smilers will have more even smiles as both sides of
their brain respond to pleasure. Smiles that are not genuine are more pronounced on the left side of the
face since they are consciously being controlled. Interestingly uneven shoulder shrugs are also
dishonest. Shoulder shrugs indicate when someone doesn’t know something, and if they are being
truthful, their shoulders will come up in unison and sharply, however, if just one shoulder comes up and
only slightly then they are following their statement with uncertainty. In other words, dishonesty shows

through when the body language to support an emotion lacks full symmetry and follow through.
Shoulder shrugs is a “gravity defying” body language, meaning it requires energy and commitment, so
it should happen emphatically and completely for it to have its full honest value otherwise it is just
feigned serving only to appease. When you see weak smiles or shoulders that only partially come up
then you know that someone is trying to be misleading about their true thoughts and feelings.
When the lips stretch across the face, we know we’re being fed a load (of fake happiness).

Liars also find it difficult to smile, instead preferring a straight face, but when they do smile, it appears
forced and especially strained showing their underlying stress. Smiling is a subconsciously submissive
gesture and liars often worry about being caught so they feel that smiling might give them away.
Therefore instead of appearing natural to the person they are lying to, they instead tense up and try to
appear expressionless instead. Smiling can therefore be an effective way to come across as honest,
although smiling too big, for too long or at inappropriate times will have the reverse effect.
Regardless, fake smiles are difficult to distinguish from real smiles and only experts and those reading
this book will know what to look for! That’s why smiling, even if phony, can be effective in influencing
other’s thoughts, emotions and opinions of you so in reality it doesn’t hurt to smile often. If you smile
big, and frequently, those around you might just wonder about what sort of pleasant things are
happening in your life and want some of those good things to rub off on them!

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Where Do Smiles Come From?
The polite smile is used with people we only know in passing or not at all. The teeth are shown and the
lips are curved upward modestly.

Research on smiles has been a hot topic since its one of the facial features that is so prominent and
important day-to-day. But what purpose do facial expressions serve overall if only to make others
aware of our inner thoughts and feelings and perhaps betray us to our enemies? Surely our expressions
could be used against us, for the benefit of others, especially given the fact that we often paint our faces
with emotion easily and sometimes with abandon.
One theory says that facial expressions are a bit of a chicken and the egg type of situation where it is
the expressions we make that in fact control our moods, rather than having our moods influence our
expressions. In other words it might be that we give off facial expressions not because we feel happier,
but because it helps us to feel happy. This implies that facial expressions are more gear to help those
that hold them instead of those who view them and that smiling rather than indicate happiness actually
creates happiness. Some of the research does tend to support this finding. When subjects were asked to
fake smiles in research studies they tended to be more able to hold positive emotions rather than
negative emotions so it seems that our minds are emotionally hardwired to mirror expressions that
show up on our face.

We can see how a fearful expression might evolve into a full grin in this image.
Many biologists think smiles have roots as a fearful gesture, as a sort of “fear grin.” Today though,
human smiles are a universally submissive gesture but they can also symbolize pleasure, amusement,
aggression, or anxiety (grimace). These other emotions never truly supersede the most common
purpose of the smile which is to show submission. We will see this occur over and over again as it
applies to smiling. Even pleasure must happen with or around people we feel we can submit to. Smiles
are our way we to show that we are non-threatening and wish to maintain peace.

Chimpanzees, like humans have two common sets of smiles. One is a playful smile and the other is an
aggressive smile. Humans, when aggressive, will display with a smile by pushing forward their lower
lip and baring their lower teeth. This is turn induces either an appeasement or submissive smile in our
counterparts or more aggressive body language possibly leading to a battle.
A genuine smile puts us at ease and builds trust.
A friendly smile, on the other hand, occurs by pulling the corners of the mouth upward which may or

may not include crow’s feet as we have seen. Those that lack smiles altogether or who smile
infrequently are much more dominant and want to be seen as such. The grimace happens in situations
where one is forced to talk or debate under a stressful situation. You will find that this sly face appears
almost universally even though no pleasure is felt. The grimace is a disarming gesture meant to appease
others, but it usually comes off as insincere and smug. We will see this face under high stress situations.
To see this face authentically, pay close attention while watching courtroom television shows. Usually
the defendant who is under stress will seem to beam with light from their teeth. The judge will often
see him or her as being defiant, and often requests for them to remove their smug look whereas, in fact,
no smugness is present at all. In this context a big smile is linked to stress from outside forces, and does
not indicate either happiness or smugness. Regardless of the meaning of the specific smile, researchers
have concluded that the smile is innate and not learned since even people born blind smile to display
happiness.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Perpetuating The Smile: On Mirroring And
Smiling
Smiling is contagious and often just by holding a smile others feel compelled to smile as well. Try an
experiment for yourself and see just how hard it is to frown when viewing smiles or smile when
viewing frowning. You will see that mirroring is a much more natural response whereas holding
opposite expressions requires conscious thought. Flashing a smile at random strangers can flood their
bodies with positive hormones and brighten their day. Even just holding a smile despite feeling down
can help elevate your mood and make you feel better.
We see this exact same contagion with attitudes of those surrounding us. A famous skit on Saturday
Night Live involves a character called “Debbie Downer.” The scene is set in a social gathering where
the character, at each opportunity, offers a contrarian’s view to what is an otherwise a positive or
neutral statement. The effect it has is potent and brings those around her down, hence her name.
Persistent negative attitudes in others around us tend to drag down our moods, while optimistic
attitudes tend to make us feel better. Although overly optimistic attitudes, just like overly pessimistic
attitudes can lead to negative feelings about others as well.
Research has shown that our facial muscles tend to mirror what we see in others and that this reaction
is subconscious. While it is possible to control our facial muscles by consciously over-ridding this
tendency, most others will simply, by nature, imitate what they see in us. This is why it is so important
to, both imitate smiles when seen, and to also avoid holding sour faces especially on initial meetings.
Let’s take the stereotypical example of a married couple; a wife and husband. After a long days work
taking care of the children, the husband comes home from his long day with a scowl on his face and
plops himself on the couch. He’s had a bad day, and so too has she. Their expressions feed of one
another and their attitudes remains negative. What if the husband came home with good news and a big
smile? Naturally, his wife would follow and they’d share a nice welcome, both parties willing. If one or
the other fails to follow the lead, the entire mood would be soured by the frowning party. Both parties
are therefore responsible for deciding the mood.
We often get caught up in daily rituals, especially at home, that we forget to put on a fake smile which
is otherwise required at work. We know that we can’t get away with such crass behaviour while away
from home and around strangers, so we put on a fake smile despite our mood, but once home we give

our faces a break. We know instinctively that we can’t get away with a sour face in public because
others will think poorly of us and won’t want to be around us. The freedom to express moods naturally
in our own homes can be a blessing, but can also be a drag. Sometimes taking the extra effort can be
rewarded so it’s worth a try, especially if the mood has been sour perpetually. So the advice follows that
when people around you are in a bad mood, even at home, initiate the smile, hold it persistently and see
what happens!
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
The Most Common Types Of Smiles
The following is a comprehensive list, with accompanying description, outlining the various smiles you
might encounter.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The tight lipped smile with low intensity.
ONE. The tight lipped smile with low intensity. This smile happens as the lips are stretched across
the face and no teeth are showing. The tight lipped smile can vary with intensity as well, and it is
directly related to the amount the lips are raise in the corners of the mouth. The low intensity smile has
very little upward curl in the corner of the mouth and indicates a hidden attitude or thought,
uncertainty, hesitation or lack of confidence. In this smile the lips are stretched toward the ears with no
curl using muscles called the risorius. The risorius muscles are unable to raise the corner of the lips.
Small babies have been shown to use this smile for all others except their mothers whom they reserve
the use of the true smile. This smile is used to placate others or to pose for photographs when we aren’t
in the mood. Strangers passing on the street might also use this shallow smile as a form of greeting or
acknowledgement. The smile is a feigned or dishonest smile so that others don’t catch on that we
actually don’t like them. It might also appear out of nervousness or stressed, so it can appear when
meeting new people. For this reason we can call the tight lipped smile the “polite smile.” When the
tight lipped smile with low intensity happens in conversation in can serve to negate the previous
statement. For example, a man might say about his boss “He’s a great boss, I’d switch companies and
follow him anywhere if he left.” and this might be followed by a tight lipped smile serving to negate
the comment.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
TWO. Tight lipped smile with high intensity. This is a variation on the smile above, yet the corners
of the lips rise even further with some teeth showing. The lips are slightly separated, the corners of the
mouth are upturned, gaze is steady and warm and the posture is relaxed. We find this smile appearing

when meeting new acquaintances, so it’s not a full honest smile, but does show openness to others. The
tight lipped smile with high intensity is more appropriate for acquaintances because a full smile is
reserved for our friends and family and would only come off as insincere with new company. A full
smile around new people would lead them to think “What’s that guy’s problem, he’s grinning like we
were the best of friends, yet we just met.”
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The uneven smile. This one is a fake!
THREE. The uneven smile. We might see this smile associated with tongue-in-cheek humour or
sarcasm. The smile happens when only one side of the face sports a smile and the other side does not.
The opposite side may even be down turned or frowning. The uneven smile depicts a frame of mind in
which opposite emotions are present. The uneven smile would accompany cheeky humour amongst
friends and would crack to show others that sarcasm was intended. We rarely see this expression aside
from in the West, since sarcasm is much less common around the world.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
FOUR. The upper smile. In this smile, the upper lid is raised to expose only the top row of teeth, but
the true significance is that the lower teeth remain hidden. In the upper smile the jaw and teeth remain
closed and the message conveyed is of medium pleasure and comes off as insecure. Used car salesman,
who beam light from their teeth in this way, will seem to have a hidden agenda.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The grin or smirk.
FIVE. The grin or smirk. The smirk indicates smugness and arrogance. It is a tight lipped smile with
the addition of a degree self satisfaction for good measure. A nervous smile often appears like a smirk
but they are not to be confused. The smirk has accompanying dominant body language such as head
back, shoulders back, open postures along with dialogue riddle with exuberant pride. The smirk will
happen too when someone is under direct verbal attack. It’s the sort of face that makes you want to say

“Wipe that grin off your face”. Sometimes though the smirk is due to the stress of being put under fire
and isn’t always an attempt at questioning authority.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The broad smile.
SIX. Broad smile. In this smile the upper and lower teeth are made visible. The gaze is relaxed and the
smile is intended to convey joy and pleasure. This is a true smile and not one that is easily faked. The
tell tale sign of an honest smile, is the appearance of crow’s feet in the corners of the eyes. Crow feet
make it seem as though the eyes are smiling. It is difficult to replicate these smiles without being truly
amused or in good company as the muscles are usually out of our conscious control. We should be
careful to use this smile, as with all smiles, when most appropriate, as in the wrong context will simply
appear insincere.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The down-turned smile.
SEVEN. Down-turned smile or reverse smile. Happens when the mouth is inverted into a downfacing
“u” shape. It indicates high stress, unhappiness, anger, tension and depression.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Who Smiles More, Men Or Women, And Why?
Women smile more than men to appease them.
The research on smiling shows us that women tend to smile the most and that they also tend to smile

egardless of their emotional state. Men will and can get away without smiling the most as men who
don’t smile are seen as dominant whereas women who don’t smile are seen as unhappy or angry. We
might feel that this is simply a learned or cultural phenomenon but the fact is that smiling differentials
between men and women happen very early in life. Little girls by the age of eight begin to smile much
more whereas little boy lag further behind and they continue to lag behind into adulthood.
Women are obliged to smile to appease men according to researcher Dr. Nancy Henley at UCLA. She
felt that women smiled simply to placate men and that since men normally occupy the dominant roles,
women felt pressure to submit to their dominance. She felt smiling differences had nothing at all to do
with women as nurturers and pacifiers. This might not be the whole story though. The research also
shows us that while women that smile more are taken less authoritatively, women, regardless of their
social status and position tend smile more than men. This is the case even when they hold similar job
positions showing us that they smile more often even when they don’t have to Other research though
confuses these findings and says that sometimes women of equal status to men, tend to use smiles
similarly.
However, this certainly wasn’t the case for my wife, who, I had run a ‘smile boycott’ in light of the
research done on smiles by Marianne La France. A ‘smile boycott’ is fairly simple, I explained to my
wife, all she had to do was smile when she was happy and not smile when she wasn’t. You might try
the same experiment for comparison. At first, she found it difficult to bring to consciousness the
instances when she smiled because it happens subconsciously, but once she got the hang of it, she
found that she smiled a lot.
In fact, at work, she smiled almost continuously, and so it was difficult at first for her to avoid smiling.
She found that as she passed male colleagues in the hallways, she’d feel inclined to smile, even though
they often failed to reciprocate. Men, she found, would merely nod their heads as they passed. When
conversing with other female coworkers, they too tended to smile but if they didn’t, she reported back
that she felt as if they were ‘rude.’ If she held a ‘non-smiling’ face for any prolonged period of time,
she was questioned; “Are you okay?”, “Lighten up” or, “What’s bothering you?” She simply couldn’t
get away with smile avoidance; the world wouldn’t let her. While this is far from scientific, it does
illustrate well the trend we find in the scientific research. Women that don’t smile are reported
negatively whereas women who smile more, tend to be viewed much more positively.
Further research shows us that smiling is in fact an option for the powerful regardless of their sex.
Whereas less powerful people are required to smile more to appease those in higher positions, those
higher up, need not placate those below. Interestingly too, is that women usually feel the need to please
others, whereas men don’t, and they tend to correlate this need to please with smiling. Therefore this
need to please might be at the root of all smiling. Armed with all this information, you can use the
smile for your purpose, be it to placate, appease or neither.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Smiles Generate Leniency
People really feel that smiles get things done! Research shows that we smile more during interviews,
we smile more when trying to gain approval from others, we smile when we feel someone will be
disapproving of us and we smile more at our bosses. But what does all this extra smiling accomplish?
Well, the science tells us that it really does help us win friends and influence people. When we smile
we are more likely to be rated more honest and trustworthy and we can get out of possible wrongdoings
more readily and with less negative consequences. Smiling therefore, helps us get out harsh

punishments and so smiles generate leniency. Scientists call this the ‘smile-leniency effect’.
In a study by Joseph Forgas of the University of New South Wales in Australia it was found that
smiling reduced punishment, especially on minor issues. In the experiment, over two-hundred
individuals were asked to judge people based on a still photograph alone, by writing a description of
their transgression. The photographs either had positive smiling faces or neutral faces. The smiling
faces where less likely to be held responsible for the transgression and were evaluated more positively.
There are a few theories as to why this is so. Smiles show that we are submissive, which indicates to
others that we understand our wrongdoings. This makes severe punishment less necessary. Smiles make
us more likeable and attractive, making it harder for other to punish us. Smiling also makes us appear
more trustworthy and shows we are more sociable and diplomatic. The exact reason to explain smilelenience
might include all or none of these factors, but the results for smiling is universal; if you don’t
want to receive the punishment for the crime, put on a big smile and you might just get off easy.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Origins Of Laughs And Why Laughing Is
Addictive
Some researchers conclude that laughs are a modification of the fear response which they theorize grew
out of an historical warning that danger was near. By this theory, the laugh occurs because our brains
are scared or frightened into laughing. This helps to explain why we often come to tears when laughing
for prolonged periods, why we sometimes laugh when scared, or when we deal with horrific events
such as a death by suddenly laughing, instead of a seemingly more appropriate response.
Strangely as it might sound, laughing is usual for people during periods of stress and uncertainty. We
just laugh it off. Other theories say that laugh came about through a relaxed open play face which is
similarly observed in other primates. Chimpanzees and Barbary macaques, for example, show a similar
breathing sound “ahh ahh ahh.” Laughing in other primates comes from mock fighting, and social play
and in humans, it first appears at one to two months of age and happens during tickling or sudden
appearance of novel stimuli as in the peek-a-boo game. My son’s first laughs came about through fear.
It was the only way we could get him to laugh. Even now, he laughs when startled such as in the peeka-boo
game.
Researcher Robert Provine describes the laugh as a series of short vowel-like notes or syllables, each
being about seventy-five milliseconds in duration that repeat at regular intervals separated by about two
hundred ten milliseconds. Laughs go something like “ha-ha-ha” or “ho-ho-ho” but never “ha-ho-haho”.
We can see other variations though like “cha-ha-ha” or “ha-ha-ho”. Laughs also tend to punctuate
points or sentences and rarely find themselves mid sentence. His research outlines even more
complexities in the laugh and if you are particularly interested in laugh structure I urge you to seek out
his research, it is quite fascinating.
Laughing can become addictive too, since it releases natural pain killers called endorphins which give
us a natural high. Thrill seekers such as sky divers, or race car drivers and even runners, and those who
exercise regularly, also reap the rewards of the natural endorphin rushes. Endorphins have been shown
to be stronger then morphine as a pain killer so activities like mentioned above can become habit
forming. Being around people that make us laugh and smile gives us a positive outlook on the world.
Similarly, being around people that are consistently frustrated, bring us down, as we empathize with
their emotions. Our autonomic nervous system responds to our environments and the people in it which

is why it is important to surround ourselves with people that make us feel good. Conversely, we can
become the person others seek to initiate positive feelings, so taking the time to make someone laugh
can have a huge payoff.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Laughing Cycle, Laughing Makes People Laugh
Laughter, it is no surprise, is very contagious. When we hear laughter we often take part, or at the very
least, crack a smile. When we get really caught up in laughter the cycle continues in an open loop
circuit, perpetuating itself until we are unable to breath or are in tears.
Consider the events of 1962 where an outbreak of laughter in Tanganyika Tanzania. It started at a small
boarding school where twelve to eighteen year old school girls started a six month long bout of
laughter. The laughter was so severed the school had to be temporarily closed, but upon its closure, the
children carried the infectious laughter to other parts where it spread to other communities. While
certain logistics makes it impossible to endure such a long bout of laughter, particularly because it
makes eating and sleeping impossible, let alone the acuteness of loss of breath and dizziness which
would occur, it still helps illustrates the infectiousness of the laugh that we have all experienced.
The addition of laugh tracks to television situational comedies is another artifact of our desire to join in
with laughter. If you have ever watched a similar comedy absent of the track or a studio audience, you
will have noticed that it becomes obvious how important laughter is in the jokes effectiveness.
Instinctively during a conversation or joke, we all know exactly the right time to laugh and even laugh,
absent of anything else, still elicits laughter, showing just how pervasive it is.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Theory Of Jokes, Humour And What Is
Appropriate
The theory of how humour works has been extensively studied. The actual numbers of theories and
reasons for making us laugh is well over eighty but some of the more common reasons we laugh
include irony, slapstick, black humour, satire and farce. Most humour though, has roots in surprise, that
is, the joke or physical stunt has a result that we didn’t expect, and so this un-expected result makes us
excited. Sometimes we laugh at the misfortune, stupidity or clumsiness of someone else, because for
that moment, we feel superior to them.
Jokes must always be situational and contextually appropriate. In the right company, almost anything
goes, but when in the office, or around mixed company, censorship is a must. Self deprecating humour
is almost always a good way to open joking because the only victim is oneself. However, during a job
interview, it would be silly to joke about one’s inadequacies. We definitely need to make ourselves
appear more equal to our peers and self jokes can do this. Amongst a new crowed, self deprecating
humour can show that we aren’t uptight or feel superior to others.
In the workplace, dirty, sexist, racial and religious jokes need to be particularly avoided. Men, more so
than women, will welcome sexist jokes, but there are always exceptions to any norm. Most men will
feel uncomfortable with sexist jokes poking fun at women, especially when women are present. Racial

or sexist jokes that offend others of which the teller isn’t a part, can also tread on shaky ground. For
example, it is generally accepted to make a joke about men, if you are male or likewise a woman if
female but if white, making a black joke will appear racist rather than funny. This has roots in self
deprecating humour, where making fun of yourself is fair game, but making fun of others can be rude
with the wrong audience. While jokes that make fun of the opposite sex or members of other groups
tend to elicit the most positive reaction, they are also the most risky. Jokes that make fun of a shared
identity also tend to go over well. When unsure however, it’s best to use universal jokes or playful
jokes and avoid potentially risky jokes. When on new turf, let your environment predict which jokes
are most welcome.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
The Purpose Of Humour, Bonding And
Laughing
A 1988 study by researcher Holdaway followed British police officers over two years with respect to
humour and how it helps maintain social norms within the workplace and build cohesion between
officers. Stories and jokes between new recruits and existing members helped transfer attitudes and
feelings that were appropriate for the work environment. In essence, humour was use to welcome
people in and also instruct them about how things work and what are the office norms. The research
found that delivering messages with humour helps do it in a nonthreatening way.
Smiles and laughter are often mentioned in the same breath, but their origins and purpose come from
quite different places. The smile stems from an appeasement gesture rather than playfulness as we saw
previously while laughter appears to stem from humour. Some recent research shows that this is only
one facet of the laugh. Dr. Robert Provine a psychologist from the University of Maryland measured
laughs in shopping malls and on sidewalks and found that laughing came at the expense of comments
that were far from humorous. Comments such as “I see your point” and “put those cigarettes away”
caused people to burst into laughter showing that laughter is more of a way to bond and formulate
social relationships then purely as the result of jokes. In fact, only ten to twenty percent of laughter
came from anything that even resembled something funny, showing that it is actually the person that is
humorous rather than the actual comment. In other words, people were laughing to maintain bonds with
the joke teller instead of as a response to the actual joke.
He also found that subordinate people will laugh simply to appease more dominant people, and that
dominant people exclude themselves from the laugh so as to maintain their dominance. Controlling
laughter therefore, can help control our dominance or submission to others, as well as show our
acceptance or rejection of others. Therefore, a polite laugh shows that we are at least “onboard” with a
person even though we might not totally agree that what they have said is in fact funny.
Laughter is a form of mirroring and communicates mutual liking and well-being. It can also be used to
reduce the harshness of comments or even to take comments back. Humour is an innate vocalization
that fosters a sense of community and can help in learning and in creativity. It helps break down walls
between different people and can act like a social lubricant to bind people together. Laughter is thirty
times more likely to happen in a social setting rather than alone and studies have shown that people
don’t really seem to care if the laugh is fake or real, they still tend to like people more when they laugh
versus doing nothing at all. Laughing helps us build bonds and even fake laughs help because at least it
shows that we are trying.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Is Laughter Unique To Humans?
We aren’t the only ones to laugh. In fact, it might not be a surprise to learn that other primates laugh
such as chimpanzees, gorillas, bonobos and orangutans show laugh-like vocalizations, but you might be
surprised to learn that dogs and rats laugh too! Rats emit short high frequency sounds during play or
when tickled. The vocalization is so high pitched that humans can’t hear it. The rats have been found to
have what is called “tickle skin” which is found on certain prominent areas over the body. Tickling
between the experimenters and rats leads to social bonding and the rats are then conditioned to seek
tickling.
Dogs laugh as well. The laugh sounds very similar to a pant to the human ear, but with the help of
specialized equipment burst of frequencies can be measured to indicate laughing. Just like in humans,
the social laugh in dogs initiates play behaviour and decreases stress hormones. In a 2005 study
conducted by Patricia Simonet, Donna Versteeg and Dan Storie where one- hundred-and-twenty dogs
were measured across stress behaviours including growling, salivation, pacing, barking, panting,
cowering, and lunging. The dogs were compared with each other across a baseline and found that when
the laugh track recording was played, they showed an increase in tail wagging and displays of play
face. They also showed more social behaviour such as approaching and lip licking. It seems therefore
that humans aren’t the only ones to benefit from a good laugh!
Most behavioural psychologists agree that animals and humans laugh in a much different way and
while we both laugh for social reasons, animals still lack the underlying self-awareness to laugh exactly
like we do so in that sense laughter is somewhat unique to humans.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Laughter Differences Between The Sexes
Women laugh much more at the antics of men then do men at women. This suggests that men use
laughter in courtship and that women use humour to measure a man’s general fitness and suitability as
a partner. Certainly, personal classifieds advertisements suggest that this is so, as men list a good sense
of humour frequently as quality they possess, whereas women advertise as seeking it. The trait is so
pervasive in personal dating advertisements that it even has its own acronym GSOH (good send of
humour). Even across culture and age, men are the laugh-getters whereas women as the laugh seekers.
It has also been suggested that humour is a signal of cognitive fitness and women use it to gauge the
desirability of men or perhaps as a display of their ability to out-compete other men. Humour is a
measure of dominance, a social tool, and women gravitate to the dominant men who possess it. Male
stand up comedians show many dominant traits not the least of which is to hold the attention of large
groups and have them laugh at his jokes, which itself is seen as a submissive act. For this reason, stand
up comedians also show leadership. Comedians such as David Letterman host of the Late Show or
comedians such as Joe Rogan or Dane Cook. These men make their living by telling jokes. Their body
language and the way they control audiences with their humour are testament to their ability to take
control.
Comedians are leaders even when we find them in our daily lives. They routinely stand up to hecklers,
they influence our emotions and framework and at the same time make us laugh. When a strong joker

comes about, we relinquish our control to them, but when two jokers meet, they’ll be found competing
against each other to tell the best joke in an attempt to hog the floor.
Typically men will use humour to joke with and playfully insult other men. Women use humour to
build social bonds and connect with each other. Women rarely pull off practical jokes. Men use humour
to jockey amongst other men for position in the hierarchy and this jockeying is found most prominent
when other women are present. Men unanimously prefer women who laugh at their jokes rather than
those who make them laugh especially when choosing sexual partners. In a study that followed one
hundred five students, it was found that women chose men who produce humour sixty-two percent of
the time whereas men choose women who appreciate their humour sixty-five percent of the time. When
female speakers present to a male audience they tended to laugh themselves seven percent more then
their male audience, whereas male speakers laugh about seven percent less than their female audience.
Neither sex laughs as much with female speakers as they do with male speakers.
No doubt, being a female comedian is one tough nut to crack which is why we see far more male
professional comedians than female. Both sexes are in agreement, women want a humour generator and
men want a humour appreciator. When it comes to friendship, men will seek out women that are funny,
but when it comes to sexual relationships, men tend to fair on the side of women that only laugh at
jokes rather than those who produce them. In fact, women that display strong tendencies to make other
people laugh appear to be a strong turn-off to men. In a 1990 study by Grammer and Eibl-Eibesfeldt
where men and women interacted in a natural conversation, the extent to which woman laughed while
in conversation was related to her desire to date the man. These findings show that laughing by women
is likely an evolutionary signal of sexual attraction. A note of caution though before men get all carried
away and start memorizing knock-knock jokes before heading the pub, is that while men who were
more humorous were rated more attractive they were also rated as less intelligent and trustworthy.
These results weren’t duplicated though as in other studies as humour was linked to other positive
personality traits, one of which includes intelligence. It’s likely though, that humour has a basis in
dating and attraction, but that women still appreciate someone that can be serious if need be.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Put-Down Humour
Even when we laugh at the expense of others and their misfortunes we create togetherness and
solidarity. Putdown humour is any humour that derives amusement at the expense of others. It can be
demeaning jokes, teasing, sarcasm or even self-deprecating remarks. While putdowns can be effective
to build bonds and friendship there exists certain rules of engagement. For example, a putdown must be
within a friendly framework and we must follow certain agreed upon rules. Taking putdown humour
too far can be hurtful, and particularly harsh putdowns can be used to elevate ourselves at the target’s
expense, or equally, we too we can become victim of putdowns. For example, in a study by Susan
Martin in 1978 out of American University it was shown that police officers who use putdown humour
against female officers tended to use it because they felt uncomfortable with the notion of having
females in a male dominated workplace. However, humour among, say men at a weekly poker night
can foster belonging. Overall, men will use putdown humour more often than women and also tend to
expect it. Practical jokes work similarly, and sporting teams frequently use pranks to welcome new
members.
The real key is to avoid hitting on truisms about a person that can be hurtful. Making fun of someone
for being ugly when in fact it is well known that they are confident beauty pageant winner or making

fun of a sprinter for being slow, is in good fun, and will be well received. However, poking fun at
someone who is rigid or uptight, by including this trait in a joke, it is sure to offend them and while it
might have a leveling effect between two people, it serves no unifying characteristics. In fact, the only
result likely is to outline key differences between people and help others see this disagreement making
everyone involved look bad. Harsh putdowns only serve to disassociate a person from others.
Dr. Terrion of the University of Ottawa who followed a group of police officers through training found
that the development of putdowns followed a rough pattern of progression from putting down oneself,
to putdowns of shared identities or groups, to putdowns of external groups and finally to putdowns of
each other within a group. She also found that officers tended to putdown members of the group that
had higher status, and members tended to poke the most fun at others whom they liked most and that
using putdowns when members were absent was seen as backstabbing so was frowned upon. One of
the cardinal rules of putdown humour, is to only poke fun at people who are present. The study also
showed that members that are willing to laugh at themselves tended to be taken into the group more
readily. Laughing at oneself shows others that we see ourselves as equals and shows that we can be
trusted. Another general putdown rule follows that members that don’t take well to putdowns shouldn’t
be targets because it tends to elicit an uncomfortable feeling within the rest of the group.
Putdown humour, when it is framed properly, indicates belongingness and also a desire by others to
welcome someone in given that all the rules are properly followed. Conversely, a lack of inclusion into
humour, even putdowns, can alienate us just as much as particularly negative humour. The next time
someone pokes fun, roll with it and either laugh heartily or joke back, as humour can help break down
boundaries and create inclusiveness.
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
The Types Of Laughs And Why Women
Shouldn’t Snort And Grunt
Psychologist Jo-Anne Bachorowski of Vanderbilt University has discovered and tested various types of
laughs. In the research, listeners rated their interest in meeting people with different sounding laughs.
She found some interesting patterns. For example, “unvoiced laughs” such as snorts, grunt and pants
rather than song like laughs such as the characteristics “ha, ha, ha” were seen as less attractive to both
the opposite sex as well as the same sex. Unvoiced laughers, the snorters and grunters as mentioned,
where the worse and even more poorly rated when done by women. However, women who had
songlike laughs were rated as even more attractive.
The research shows us that the quality of the laugh is important in making us appear more or less
attractive to others. Therefore, if interested in impressing others, use a more vocal song-like laugh
rather than a panting or breathing laugh if male, and if female especially avoid snorting and grunting
laughs.
The types of laughs:
High-pitched, song-like (male) 2
High-pitched, song-like (male)
High-pitched, song-like (female) 2
Unvoiced, snort-like and then cackle (male)

Unvoiced, snort-like (male)
Unvoiced, snort-like (female)
Unvoiced, snort-and then pant-like (male)
Unvoiced, grunt-like (male)
Unvoiced, grunt-like (female)
Song-like with notable pitch modulation (female)
Low-pitched, song-like (female)
Low-pitched, chuckle-like (male)
Long duration, song-like (female)
High-pitched, song-like (female)
Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Laughter And Health
Studies on laughter reveal that it can help protect the health of the heart, reduce incidence of stroke, can
increase tolerance to pain, help boost the immune system through production of antibodies, reduces
blood pressure, reduces overall anxiety and can even extend life. It has been shown that chronically
angry and hostile people tend to have more heart attacks and those who are chronically depressed have
higher incidences of heart disease. Every part of our bodies benefit from laughter and humour and it’s a
wonder we get so caught up in the seriousness of our lives that we forget to take a moment just to have
a good belly laugh.
When we laugh, stress related hormones decrease significantly. Patients with chronic illnesses show
immediate symptom relief with laughter and several programs have been designed around this principle
in hospitals. Doctors and psychiatrists even subscribe to laughter therapy to help patients deal with their
pain and recovery. “Laughter is the best medicine” is the case for therapeutic humour. This type of
therapy encourages discussion of the patient’s humourous experiences in life. Clown therapy has been
implemented in hospitals where a hired clown will make rounds and display magic, tell jokes or
perform slapstick to entertain patients and make them laugh. Where implemented, the need for sedative
is reduced, yet there is an overall decrease in pain reported by patients. Other patients experience an
increase in immune function and healing.
Laugh clubs and laughter meditation groups have also formed all over the world where laugher is used
as preventative medicine. At regular intervals groups of people meet and laugh. Sometimes the laugh is
natural, other times it is forced, however it seems that in either cases the body does not know the
difference, and the body chemistry result is the same for both. Laughter yoga was developed by Dr.
Madan Kataria in the 1990’s to combine breathing, yoga, stretching and laughter. With this technique
no laughing material is necessary as laughing happens without reason. The willingness to laugh is the
biggest prerequisite to the courses.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter
Summary – Chapter 6
We saw, in this chapter on smiles and laughter, that smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles called
the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the side of the face to connect the corners of the mouth
and the orbicularis oculi to help pull the eyes back. The orbicularis oculi produces crow’s feet, smiling
eyes or Duchenne smiles, all names meaning the same thing; “real smiles.” The zygomatic muscles, on
the other hand, are consciously controlled and can be a giveaway to a false smile as does asymmetry.
Next we looked at the origins of the smile, be it from fear as in the “fear grin”, or from happiness and
whether happiness creates smiling or vice versa. We concluded that smiles today symbolize submission
and are contagious. We then found that there are five commons smiles, the tight lipped smile with low
intensity (indicating a hidden attitude or thought), tight lipped smile with high intensity (not a full
honest smile but shows openness), the uneven smile (tongue-in-cheek humour or sarcasm), the upper
smile (hidden agenda), the grin or smirk (indicating smugness and arrogance) and the broad smile (a
true smile). We found that smiles generate leniency, release endorphins so can be addictive, and that
women are more likely to smile than men and do so to placate them. We then covered context as it
relates to humour and how humour has many different forms, how humour helps people bond and that
it isn’t unique to humans since rats and gorillas emit similar vocalizations. We then looked at the
differences between the sexes and saw that women laugh much more at men, than do men at women,
suggesting a courtship link to laughter and that men use humour to playfully insult other men whereas
women use it to bond. We then discovered that put-down humour can create belongingness so long as it
is well received and avoids hitting on insulting truisms, that women should avoid snorting since it is
unsexy and that laughter can help people recover from illness.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Introduction – Chapter 7
Open body language creates comfort and welcomes people into our personal space.
Knowing the difference between open postures and closed postures is very important when trying to

determine the thoughts, feelings and disposition of our targets. Open body language has been shown to
be linked to openness of the mind where people are more likely to be receptive to outside view and
having closed postures has been tied to having a closed mind or being unreceptive to new ideas. As in
most cases with body language, there is a strong connection between the gestures we make and our
emotions with each providing valuables clues to the other. In fact, it is often very difficult to separate
the mind and the body language that leaks from it, even with conscious thought, which is especially
true when it comes to primitive emotional language.
Openness can sometimes be confused with simply being relaxed or intense, and to some degree this is
true. For example, being open often means that attire is also relaxed, shirt collars are unbuttoned, ties
removed, the pants might hang loose and certain articles like jackets might be removed. Full openness,
therefore, is not always acceptable. Conversely, we might look at being open as simply a lack of
holding closed cues. That is, having open cues is the exact same as not displaying closed cues and is the
default position of the two. Being closed requires a certain amount of tensing of muscles and therefore
effort so the default of most people is having an open mind. In other words, people are open, unless
they say otherwise! It follows that there are far fewer cues to symbolize openness as opposed to closed,
since being open is more of a passive state.

Closed body language happens whenever a part of our body crosses the center-line. Arms are shields
that protect our torso from harm.
Closed cues generally occur whenever a limb crosses the center line of the body. When a leg, for
example, comes across the center of the body and locks with the opposite leg, or when the arms fully
cross over one another, we have a closed posture. There are more subtle cues of closed body postures
which will cover in the next pages but crossing the center-line of the body is one of the main themes.
Open postures, on the other hand, are postures that maintain the center-line of the body free from

obstruction from any limbs or objects.
When closed postures are combined with other closed postures, the signal intended is made more
obvious. For example, leg crossing in combination with arm crossing is much more potent than either
alone. Add to this an expressionless face, turning away, and one is left to assume that communication is
not welcomed at any level. On the other hand, we might be faced with someone who has their legs
crossed but the arms are opened and honest. In this case, we might assume that it is a deliberate and
conscious attempt to appear relaxed, when in fact the person might not be relaxed at all. It might be the
case too, that someone has mixed feelings and is reserved at one level, but open at another level.
Reading opened and closed body language is tricky business, but all cues are additive. Cues of the
same origin, happening together, serve to strengthen an open or closed reading, but so too does
conflicting cues. Conflicting cues tell us that someone has an internal reservation, made obvious
through their mixed message.
It is fortunate for those of us who wish to modify our body language, that we have control of our
conscious mind, since we then can modify our body language as desired.
Of course, since de-linking of our bodies and minds is difficult, these changes bring about inherent
change in our attitudes as well. For example, it’s fairly easy to consciously carry open postures, such as
palms up, arms and legs uncrossed, and hold active eye contact, however holding these postures
necessarily leeches back into us creating open feelings.
In this chapter we will examine the vast array of open and closed body positions that we can use to
come across as more or less open, as we desire. Naturally too, we will be able to identify this same
body language in other people and use it to our advantage when reading them.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Ventral Displays
When the chest is turned away, this is called “ventral denial.” It says, “I don’t like what you’re saying.”
Torsos house important organs that are vital to keeping us alive. Our heart, lungs, liver, intestines and
so forth are all easily accessible through a thin layer of skin, fat, muscle and sometimes ribs and a
sternum although even these have spaces by which damage may be inflicted. Exposing our ventral side
means that we trust we won’t be attacked. Laying on our backs is something we do only in our own
houses because it exposes our bodies to attack and paralyzes us from defending ourselves.
Women, in the wrong company will feel particularly sensitive about exposing their breasts and both
sexes will avoid displaying their genitals when nervous or timid. This is where arm and leg crossing is
prevalent creating shields so as to reduce threatening exposure. Other times, bodies may turn away
from people with whom we lack trust, or we may distance our torsos to give us a time and space buffer
so that if a threat should be advanced, we have enough of a cushion to escape.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.
When in conversation people will orient their ventral side to those they trust the most and away from
those they trust least. They’ll also favour those with whom they agree with most and away from people
they disagree with or have contempt for. People can be seen changing their orientation more and more
over the course of a conversation as ideas diverge. In dating, as women are turned off by an approach
they will first shift their feet toward the exit, followed by the torso. If they wish to remain polite so as
not to offend, they might keep their faces oriented toward their solicitor, yet the rest of their body, the
important parts, will face away. Even slight disagreement can produce ventral shifts as bodies orient
away from the speaker based on topics of lessor interest or topics we wish not do discuss.
Ventral distancing shows a lack of commonality.

Ventral distancing is also a nonverbal cue that indicates agreement. When people don’t like what they
are hearing, they will slouch or lean backward to indicate that they aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on matters.
On the other hand, when people agree, they will move toward each other to shrink the distance. When
presenting a lecture, it’s easy to measure audience interest because those most keen will be sitting “at
the edge of their seat” hanging onto every word. The bored or disinterested will be slouching or sitting
low in their seats perhaps awkwardly to one side as if ready to take flight.
When we are reunited with loved ones we take part in hugs which is intimate precisely because the
torsos are sandwiched together. We even move our arms away from our fronts so that we can get even
closer. Children love to receive “raspberries” where air is blown onto their stomachs and will permit it
because they trust their parents or family members. However, even with children they’ll “turn their
backs on us” when they are upset with us as we enforce rules. This is a nonverbal way to show
disagreement. Lovers in deep conversations will move closer to each other and face head on indicating
a trust and showing no desire to leave or exit the situation which might happen by turning the torso
away. Orienting the torso forward says that this is the direction in which someone is thinking about
moving and when lovers do this, it means they wish to move into one another; to kiss. In a business
context, people who agree with turn their bodies so they more closely face each other, even while
sitting, and away from those whom they disagree with. This is called “ventral fronting” or “ventral
denial.”
To use ventral language best, lean forward and drop the arms to the side when you wish to project
agreement but when the opposite is desired feel free to side back in a chair or lean back or turn to the
side and cross the arms. Making friends with all people is not always desirable especially when
someone is malicious and unpopular. Being courteous all the time, to all people is a misuse of proper
body language so use the nonverbal language that is most appropriate for the feelings you want to
convey.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Hands And Palms Language
The “offerer” in the rogatory posture wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn’t understand your
point of view.

The human brain has been shown to place a disproportionate amount of attention on the wrists, palms,
fingers and hands compared to the rest of the body. Throughout evolution as we developed the ability
to walk upright, our brains became fixated on what our hands were doing because they became more
expressive in language through gesticulation, became more skilled such as creating fires, catching prey,
collecting berries and building structures and tools to do so. However, our where our hands differ
significantly from our feet is their ability to become extremely dangerous. Hands coupled with
weapons can inflict deadly blows.
Being open means being honest and not hiding anything. In evolutionary terms, the palm display is an
important gesture signifying honesty because it is a way to make evident to others that no threat or
weapon is present. Palm and wrist displays have even been noted to be sexual in nature and more
frequently flashed by women during courtship likely because it is such a vulnerable part of the body.
The wave, as a long distance greeting, probably has roots in showing that we aren’t carrying a spear,
sword, or bow and arrow. Having the hands deep in a pocket or behind the back can be a sign of
aggression or passive threat, and our evolutionary history tells us that someone who is hiding
something is probably not hiding a bouquet of flowers. But if they are, why take the risk! Showing
open palms, facing up, or the “palm flash” is essentially what would have happened thousands of years
ago when two foreign tribes met. Even today we might guess that a stranger approaching us on the
street was up to no good if they hid their hands at their backs or tucked inside a jacket. We’d think they
were harboring a gun and planned to rob us.

Wrists displays shows comfort. I think she likes him.
Having the arms out and extended, palms up, or vertical shows that we are safe and therein lies our
most popular greeting, the handshake. The degree to which this openness occurs represents the degree
of openness. Having the arms completely to the side or up and open with fingers apart is as open as one
can get and it signal as much. We rarely see this form of openness, rather, openness is of degree, so we
therefore must look for more subtle and acceptable cues.

Open gestures are accompanied by phrases such as “Trust me.”, “I wouldn’t lie to you.” and “What,
you don’t believe me?” We also gesture with palms facing upward when we are offering something.
However, the offering, in this context, isn’t a tangible item, rather, it’s an idea. It could be a cell phone
plan coming from a salesman in the mall, or a reorganizing of the company, a downsizing, or new way
to deal with customers or any number of things requiring deal making or selling.
When the arms are completely outstretched with palms up we call it the “rogatory” posture, or prayerlike.
It is as if we are offering dialogue to another and sincerely want to be believed, trusted and
accepted. This posture is not dominant or even confident however, because it lacks conviction. So
while palm flashes show honesty and trustworthiness because they show no threat, they lack sustenance
and power in terms of conviction. Palm down displays though, by placing hands face down on a table
or standing head on and leaning with the fingertips spread to anchor the body shows emphatically that a
position is held confidently. While conversing on a topic, we should therefore expect both palms up and
palms down as opinions are either offered with reservation or presented with conviction. Depending on
your position on the matter you may wish to employ either submission or dominance to your
advantage. For example, on issues you wish to concede or are unsure of, of which making the other
party aware of this fact is acceptable, use palm up, but when you wish not to concede or wish not to be
uncovered as unsure, keep palms face down. The rule of thumb is that palms down “tell”, while palms
up, “offer.” When someone wishes to display honesty, such as declaring “You have to believe me, I
didn’t do it” they should use palm down displays otherwise they may not be telling the truth and expect
not to be believed.

Pockets make great hand-hiding places., but it comes across as dishonest.
So why do we find it comfortable to put our hands in our pockets? Our clothing, especially that of
men’s, is specifically designed with this in mind. The fashion of women rarely permits the luxury of the
same deep pockets, but this isn’t to say they wouldn’t take advantage of them if they could. Curiousity
says that we must reason why this is so. What is it about this hand placement that makes us more at
ease? Are men more reserved to the point of requiring their garments to accommodate their needs or is
it just superfluous? There’s no doubt that form meets function in this case, and putting our hands in our

pockets makes us feel more comfortable and gives us a way to occupy our hands, but what does the
body language convey to others?
When children lie they can be found to place their hands behind their back concealing them. This is a
dishonest gesture. As we grow into adulthood, this gesture becomes more condensed and our hands
find a new place in pockets. Seeming outright dishonest for having your hands buried in pockets is a bit
extreme, but context specific could be a ‘tell.’ Regardless though, hidden hands convey a lack of
confidence especially when the hands would be best served to gesture appropriately in conversation.
The hands are a very effective way to colour our dialogue and make us appear more honest and
intelligent. When delivering important information showing the flesh of the palms, the “palm flash” can
be critical to portray honesty. At a subconscious level, as the palms are made more visible, the more
honest others will find the speaker. Give it a try!
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Sudden Changes In The Hands
Hands that near another person shows agreement.
Hands can show real-time changes in an attitude. Imagine a couple sitting enjoying a romantic meal at
a restaurant, with their hands bridging the gap between them as they sit facing one another hand-inhand.
The topic of conversation flows freely, but suddenly switches to a contentious issue, what would
you imagine would happen to their hands? When there is disagreement between people, the hands are
pulling inward and away from those we disagree with. This sort of behaviour can happen suddenly
especially on a heated topic, but can also happen over time on issues that gradually show differences.
When total disagreement is present, the body will even be withdrawn where the hands will rest on the
lap. Taking the example of the couple above once again, imagine that only one of the two experiences a
change in thought to the topic, their hands might remain outstretched in the center of the table and turn
palm up as if to offer the idea to their partner as if to try to change their mind. Gradually the other
might re-advance to join their hands once again or move them to their lap. As the argument fails, both

parties hands might graduate away. If disagreement continues, feet might orient toward the door
followed by torsos than finally their heads.
Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single
arm closed body posture – an ‘incomplete hug.’
Arms withdraw for a number of reasons but our subconscious mind tunes into our flight response and
pulls hands in when we fear they will be hurt, and especially when they are hurt. When we touch a hot
stove or hear a loud bang, our arms draw quickly into our bodies to protect them. This happens
instantly with no ability to stop it. Likewise, our hands come in when we are worried or threatened
despite a lack of physical threat. When our arms come in, our minds feel that they can block attacks
better even when they are emotional in nature. Hands can be withdrawn for any number of reasons, not
just disagreement, such as dishonesty. Honest hands are palm up, offering something to another person,
or palm down in a confident authoritative position, but when hands are pulled away, they signal hidden
thoughts of disagreement and lack of connectivity.
Hands can also suddenly change in terms of use of illustrators and seem to pause, stop or slow in their
rate of use. Sudden cessation of gesticulation can indicate a freeze response due to being caught in a lie
especially when the context warrants it. This is part of the flight or flight response as liars are trying to
seem less noticeable. They are “hiding in plain sight” and to do this it is necessary to move less as
movement attracts attention. Reducing expressiveness means fewer “tells” or so the lying mind thinks.
When hands that are usually busy while talking according to a baseline, suddenly begin to slow, or
become less expressive, it can signal a lack of enthusiasm or confidence for the topic. Whatever
happens to the hands, when they suddenly change, we know that something internal has changed and it
is usually tied directly to whatever is happening in the moment.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Rubbing The Hands Gestures
Hand rubbing is a primitive throwback – we’re cleaning our hands to get ready to receive.
Rubbing the hands together is a universal signal meaning that someone is preparing to receive

something. Rubbing the hands together is figuratively like washing or cleaning them so that whatever is
about to be received is kept clean. The evolutionary origins likely stemmed from the giving and
receiving of food where we would have wanted loose dirt to stay off our gift.
Hand rubbing today occurs just before closing a deal or a sale, when we win a prize or the expectation
to win is present. There are variations in the degree of intensity to which this hand rubbing occurs, and
this also provides us with information. For example, rubbing the hands slowly often comes across as
devious when accompanied with a smug smile. A used car salesman will slowly rub his hands together
as he cooks up a plan to pocket a larger commission for himself at your expense.
Slow hand rubbing usually means that good is coming to the sender of the message alone, whereas
quick rubbing usually indicates mutual benefit. The slow hand rubber is diminishing and concealing his
signal by slowing it down or even possibly hiding it, whereas the fast rubber is making his gesture
more obvious with his hands in plain view, so both parties can share in the anticipation. A real estate
agent, for example, might have two suitable properties for his client, however, one might yield a higher
payout for him, while the other might be more suitable for his client. If hand rubbing slows while he
shows one property over the other, he might just be telling everyone which he’d rather sell. It would
then be up to the buyer to do his due diligence and be cautious about the agent’s motives. In summary,
we should always be careful when people rub their hands when it implies that we might benefit others
at our expense, and the slower, more concealed the rubbing occurs, the more we should be weary.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Spear Throwing Pointer And Other Power
Gestures
Pointing makes your message more poignant, but only because the receiver is being figuratively jabbed
by your spear.
The pointer is akin to a spear thrower. Every time they thrust their finger forward it is as if they are
jabbing their ideas into the kidneys of their audience. Alternately, the finger can be used rhythmically in
an up and down motion seemingly beating down upon their opponent trying to create submission. The
finger pointer makes his appearance during aggressive verbal fights where the accuser is making strong
personal attacks against the other. Very negative emotions are attached to such actions so it’s best to
avoid this gesturing. Finger pointing puts the reflection and responsibility onto the listener, and for this
reason, they attach negative connotations to the speaker. It creates defensive feelings in the listener and
as it persists these defensive feelings grow into aggression. Parents will often use the pointing finger to
scold children but adults will be far less tolerant of other’s authority especially those of equal status so
it is unwise to exercise this gesture with abandon. Even more pronounced than the finger spear is the
hammer fist where the hand is made into a ball serving to repeatedly “hammer” the speech into the
listeners. The hammer fist shows conviction and determination, where neither might be present. When
the fingers are curled lightly not quite making a fist, the intent is to show mild power and a desire to be
taken seriously but lacking the conviction found in the hammer fist.

The “politicians gesture” comes across less threatening, and is more suited to making a point to an
audience.
An alternate, and abbreviated form of the pointing figure, is the thumb in hand gesture where the thumb
lies against the index finger and where the remaining fingers form a ball. The hand then motions as if
pointing, and in a rhythmic motion, emphasize points with conviction. The thumb in hand gestures is
the “politicians gesture” since it is frequently used by various Presidents and world leaders. The thumb
in hand gesture is much less offensive than the pointing finger, but can appear smug when done by

those of lower status. Speakers might also use the “OK” gesture which is done by placing the thumb
against the index finger forming an opening with the remaining fingers flared out.
The thumb in hand and the OK signal are considered to be more thought provoking and honest than
finger pointing and takes the responsibility back from the listeners and places it back on the speech.
The OK signal rotated so the fingers face the audience, with the thumb inward, is used when we want
to show precision and delicacy. Without being careful with the OK gesture it can appear as uncertainty
as is the case when the thumb and index finger come close, but don’t quite touch. In this case, the
gesture is more useful when posing questions rather than making statements.
Additional gestures:
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
It was this big!
[A] The measurer. The hands are moved parallel to one another and juggled up and down as if
measuring an object. This signals a desire to project thoughts onto others.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
Accepting the audience.
[B] The finger spreader. The hands are held out and finger splayed apart facing palm to the audience.
This is an attempt to make contact with the entire audience.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The “offerer” wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn’t understand your point of view.
[C] The offered. The hands are palm up as if giving a gift. This is a beggar’s plea where agreement is
desperately sought from the audience.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
Accept me as I accept you.
[D] The hugger. The arms are made into a circle in front of the body with the palms facing inward
toward the speaker. The speaker wishes for the audience to accept his way of thinking or in other cases,
the speaker is trying to grasp his own hypothesis.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
[E] The traffic cop. The hands are placed palm up in a stop motion. The speaker wishes the audience to
settle or calm so they can continue.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Being Opened And Closed Through The Legs
And Arms

Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.
Throughout this chapter being “open”, refers to a frame of mind that is willing to accept information, to
hear others out and to consider taking action whereas a closed mind, or being closed indicates the
opposite. As mentioned previously, having an open and receptive mind is indicated in body language
through the absence of closed postures.
It has been shown that frowning requires more muscles and effort than does smiling and so naturally
our default facial expression is the smile. Similarly, openness as it relates to body language is the
default mode because a relaxed body requires less effort than one that is tensed or closed. To take a
negative posture, we must actively close our bodies off requiring effort and to exercise effort we need
motivation. In this case, motivation can come from any fearful or unwanted stimulus that precedes a
fight or flight response. That is to say that, closed body language are the postures we while see as a
negative decision is being analyzed and so is a predictor of a bad outcome.
Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.
Being completely open allows us take our most comfortable position, such as what we might do on a
couch or in bed in our own house. We might lay our arms out and take up space, put our hands above
our heads, spread our legs open or even lay down completely. Having open body postures is akin to
being totally exposed to the word and all the harmful things in it, but possessing no fear of harm. Of
course, we permit ourselves to hold open postures precisely because we expect nothing harmful to
happen. In other words, our bodies are permitted to relax when we are open and contract and tighten
when we are closed.
Thus, it takes muscular effort to close the body off whereas open postures occur without action at all.
When viewing open body language imagine the extremity of the postures, which as mentioned, can be
likened to being on a couch at home. An even more dramatic example is to view open body language as
that language exhibited by someone who is intoxicated. Their language is loose, their arms sway freely,
they stagger, they have no worries about being ridiculed or attacked and they don’t cross their arms or
legs. The cerebral cortex of the drunk, the part of the brain that helps in judgment, amongst other brain
centers, is disrupted producing depressed inhibition, increases talkativeness and makes people feel
more confident. Alcohol also increases pain thresholds, numbs pain, and makes people feel sluggish

ecause it suppresses the brains ability to function. So for our purpose, the drunk makes a nice example
of open body language since he lacks fear, but even if he did, he’d still lack the coordination and
strength to carry out a defensive posture.
As a rule of thumb, closed body language happens whenever one of our limbs crosses the mid-point of
our bodies. Such is the case during leg and arm crossing. Open postures, on the other hand, happen
when the legs and arms remain un-crossed leaving the torso and groin exposed. Of course there are
various ways in which the legs and arms can be crossed and these all mean different things which we
cover next.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Meaning Behind Arm Crossing
Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold – or emotionally cold.
Arms in the non-verbal world are shields. Folding the arms across the body is like cutting off access to
our core that houses our vital organs, our heart and lungs. Just like putting up a shield, the arms protect
us, not only from physical attack which can elicit closed body language, but it also protects us from
unwanted outside views which we do not agree with. Therefore, having the arms across the chest can
mean that either a physical threat or emotional threat is present. Arms crossed, in meeting or
conversation means that the person is defensive, negative, uncertain and insecure and naturally, what is
being asked of them will be met with disagreement.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person
feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.
Arm crossing happens much more frequently in public than anywhere else. We especially see it in
elevators, when exposed to a large group that makes us uncomfortable or when pitched a bad deal from
a door-to-door salesman. When in public, arm crossing is due to the stress of being in a novel
environment rather than due to holding negative thoughts per se. Women who are unreceptive to a pickup
at a bar or club will also be found holding this posture so as to maintain their personal space and

thwart sexual advances.
As you read body language, you will eventually come across someone that tries to convince you that
their closed language is a function of comfort, as in it just feels right, rather than as a tell to some
underlying stress. However, arm crossing is one of the gestures that proves the body language rule
rather than disproves it. The research makes it clear though, that we adopt positions because there is an
underlying emotion attached to it and that this is the reason which makes the position comfortable and
rather than the other way around. Body language feels right when we express underlying feelings
because it provides us with a release. Conversely, if we wish to avoid closed body postures, or any bad
postures for that matter, we must first attack and cure the root source of the emotion and then open
posture will come naturally.
Arm crossing takes up various forms too besides the recognizable full arm cross. The more evident and
strong the arm crossing, the more seeded the action is in the mind of the person executing it. As body
language senders we should always try to hold opened and honest body language as a default condition
as it will yield the best results under most circumstances.
Here are some examples:
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
A hidden arm cross showing disagreement and withdrawal.
A masked arm cross.
[ONE] Resting one arm straight out onto the table to the front and placing the opposite hand on the
wrist or forearm of the other [images show other variations of this posture].
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The coffee cup barrier – even drinks can fudge as a shield. To appear open, simply drop the drink to
your side or set it down.
[TWO] Holding a drink in one hand with the arm perpendicular to the body (parallel to the table) with
or without applying weight to the arm [image shows other variation of this posture].
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.
Figure four leg lock.
[THREE] Crossing one leg over the knee of the other and holding the ankle to lock it in.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

A childhood throwback – making us feel held and protected.
It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.
[FOUR] Full self embrace where the arms are unlocked.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
A partial arm cross.
Replicating Mom holding our arm and protecting us.
Another version of an arm cross for defense.

Cutting off ventral access is a closed body position.
[FIVE] The opposite hand reaches over the body to grab the elbow or shoulder of the opposite arm.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
Covert insecurity.
It reminds us of Mom keeping us safe.
[SIX] Subtle arm crossing where the hand grabs the wrist of the opposite side.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.
[SEVEN] The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
Hand seems to alleviate an itch.
[EIGHT] Hand seems to alleviate an itch.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Good things are not on the horizon.
While most closed body language means that a negative attitude is present, context permitting, there
exist varying degrees. For example, full arm crossing accompanied by expressionless faces, a tense,
rigid, or hostile posture with limbs that appear frozen runs the gambit of rejection. Tentative closed
body language where only some blocking is happening will show a semi-relaxed body language,
possible boredom, a neutral face and moderate movement of the arms and hands. In the first case,
where closed language is extreme, getting any kind of agreement is unlikely. The second set of postures
says that there’s a possibility of forming an agreement. So rather than depicting “no”, some closed body
language says “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it.”

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there’s a chance to close this deal.
Opened and closed body language as we have seen is a matter of degree. Language that has no closed
body positions says “yes” some closed means “maybe” and a lot means “no.” This is highly useful
especially if you wish to sway a target. Men who wish to proposition women can read between the
lines. If they see a half arm cross where one arm holds the elbow of the other, then he may still have a
shot as she could just be timid. In this case, she is telling you that she is uneasy with your approach but
might accept your proposal if you can present a better pitch. Because her mind isn’t completely made

up it would be worthwhile to continue. But if she has a hostile expression, with arms tightly folded
across her chest, with her head cocked to the side she probably isn’t willing to hear your pitch, so it
would be a waste of time to continue. Reading negative body language can help us read employers as
we look for pay raise, better deals on a watch or jewelry, getting permission from those in authority and
generally gaining access to resources we ordinarily wouldn’t.
Be careful with the pressure you apply. You may be able to get a better deal from a used car salesmen,
but when dealing with employees, an employer or a client, it’s probably best to keep body language
open and inviting.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The
‘Closed’
Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.
The research shows us that a significant amount of information is inhibited from reaching the brain
when our bodies show closed body language. In one such study, two groups of students attended the
same lecture. One group was instructed to hold their arms and legs crossed throughout, while the other
received no such instructions. The group instructed to hold closed body language was found to have
retained forty percent less information than the group that held open body language. The lecturer was
also rated far more critically. Therefore, when presenting to someone with their arms crossed it is
vitally important to use tactics that help them open up and drop negative cues. Not only will the
retention of your message increase significantly, but so too will the probability that any agreement will
take place.
It’s nearly impossible to formulate agreements with others who have their arms crossed or a myriad of
other closed body postures. By simply opening your objective, they will be more receptive to your

thoughts and ideas. This is why is it important, as closed body language arises, to immediately recalibrate
your tactics. If your target’s legs cross, have them stand up and move to the same side of the
table to get a closer look at the material, or have them reach forward for something, forcing them to
take a ready position with their bodies leaning toward you. If their arms are crossed, have them jot
down notes on a piece of paper which you can express as being important for later, or have them
examine a document which you can hand to them. You will want to carefully monitor their post
position to see if after the item is discarded they return to their original closed body position. If they are
adamant in keeping closed, they probably aren’t receiving the message to your favour.
Other ways to open people include handing them a cup of coffee, or glass of water, show them
photographs of family or pets, handing them model cars or any other office artifact you might have
noticed them examining with some interest. Handing them any object forces them to uncross their arms
to reach for it thereby opening them. The object used isn’t vitally important, it just needs to be
interesting enough to motivate them to reach for it. By doing a bit of research beforehand, you can
probably find a mutual interest that can be exploited during the pitch to build rapport. This will prove
especially useful if the meeting takes a turn for the worst. Being creative to re-open the conversation is
an important tactic for everyone in business.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Meaning Of Leg Crossing
These legs are interested – note how they are crossed toward rather than away.
The legs are equally as expressive as the arm in terms of the meaning they convey. This is largely
because the arms are frequently busy doing other task oriented things whereas the legs usually remain
idle free to express hidden thoughts. Of course, the legs also have their share of work to do, but when
sitting or standing still they have a tendency to leak information. We also pay less attention to our legs
because they move less freely putting them further away from our consciousness. Perhaps we feel that
because our legs can only do so much we need not pay them any mind and so reason we ignore them.

The legs therefore, are a great indicator of true thoughts and feelings. For example, we might look to
the legs to verify interest. The legs crossed toward something or someone indicates thoughts and shows
an attraction in the direction. In other words the legs are propelled in the direction in which we think.
Couples that have a strong relationship will cross their legs toward each other, enemies will cross away,
context permitting of course. Lovers sitting on a couch together with their legs crossed toward each
other, bodies leaning inward, with their arms meeting over the backs of the couch are said to be in a
“loving circle.” This is not a term reserved for just intimate couples though, it can also apply to family,
close friends and even associates, both male and female. It represents a likeness of mind – agreement.
Caution is required at this point, since not everyone is equally able or willing to cross their legs in
either direction. Over time, we tend to develop greater flexibility in one direction, or the other, simply
through habit, so it’s not always a valuable signal if a person crosses their legs away from someone
else. If they lean and cross away from each other, then these two clues, in context, might mean
something is worth exploring further.
It has been noted in several studies that the amount of movement that the feet undergo while lying
significantly increases, and that these movements are below the level of consciousness. It’s fairly easy
to monitor our arms and (with limited success), our facial expressions, but it’s something else to
monitor a distant part like our feet. The leg tap, where the hand rhythmically taps the thigh can be done
out of fear or deceit, even out of fear of being caught, uneasiness and even boredom, depending on the
remaining set of cues in a cluster and on the particular context by which they occur. What we do below
the belt is out of sight and out of mind!

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).
Legs

Women with legs open are often seen in a negative light – as too aggressive.
uncrossed is a signal of openness, acceptance and signal of being easy going. This is of particular
importance as it pertains to women, as it can taken as a sexual signal or invitation, making women
appear easy, “loose” or at best crass or improper. Sharon Stone in the movie Basic Instinct sent a clear
message as she slowly uncrossed and re-crossed her legs while being interrogated. Women wishing to
appear dominant will find this posture comfortable, but it will be accompanied by other male typical
gestures such as throwing an arm over the back of the chair to take up more space and loud boisterous

ehaviour.
Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.
Men, on the other hand, have the benefit of using the uncrossed legs signal for more than one reason.
Men can have their legs uncrossed to display a signal of dominance and authority which is a welcomed
natural signal from men, or it can be used as a signal to appear open. In men, the meaning of the leg
spread is determined by its context and the manner in which it occurs. Men in seated positions spread

their legs as a dominance display as it puts the genitals out for everyone to see. This is one of the
gestures that makes use of the exercise of imagining people fully nude. What would you think of a
guest that sat down in your favourite chair and tossed his leg over the arm rest? Would you think him
any less belligerent if he had done it at his own house? The leg over the chair is as overt a leg spread
message as you will get.
The degree to which leg spreading happens is important in both sexes. Spreading is positively
correlated with dominance display. That is the greater the leg spread, the greater is the dominance
display. The legs cocked, so to speak, at shoulder width while seated, is comfortable and natural even
for both sexes, but once the legs break that distance, appear much less covert. Once the legs meet their
maximum angle, it is as if the genitals are yelling at the top of their lungs through a loudspeaker
begging to be noticed! Legs in the figure four where one ankle is raise and placed on top of the knee
opposite is an abbreviated leg cross which is less dominant. We cover this later in the chapter. The legs
can also be cross tightly with the legs nearly parallel or with the leg over the knee. This is a reserved
posture and shows a respectful, polite and proper attitude.
In a standing position, legs spread at or slightly beyond shoulder width signals dominance in a more
acceptable way. In fact, having the legs uncrossed while standing is the most appropriate way to stand
since it appears open, accepting and confident. Crossing at the ankles, as we will see later, shows a
reserved mind and is therefore a closed posture. We must be careful with reading leg information since
most everyone has a preferred way to cross them, but if we watching their movement across time and
across context we can pattern specific people. We should never assume that any and all signals,
especially leg crossing, has universal meaning across all people.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Ankle Or Scissor Cross
A negative thought is present, but she’s not going anywhere.
The ankle or scissor cross is where the ankles cross each other and is a posture that can happen while

seated or standing. While seated this posture is a hidden form of leg crossing because it occurs
discretely at the bottom of the legs and can be out of sight due to a desk or table. While standing, it is
the only way legs can cross so has a similar meant to a regular full blown seated leg cross. At times the
leg might be raised up the backside of the calve producing the appearance of a flamingo but this
posture is mainly reserved for women. While seated, the legs can also be locked behind the legs of a
chair with essentially the same message being delivered except in this case it is a restraining-freezebehaviour.
When the legs are wrapped around the chair they can’t move, hence they are locked, and are
also there precisely so they don’t move, and are hence frozen. Women are also seen using the sitting
position more often them men especially if they are wearing skirts, however, it is not a confident
posture so should be avoided. When it does happen in men though, it should be noted since it is an
unnatural position in general for them.
The ankle cross indicates that the person is holding a negative emotion, uncertainty, fear, feels
discomfort or threatened, stress, anxiousness, insecurity or timidity. The ankle or scissor cross also
shows reservation and self-restraint,

Lots of cues in concert. Arms in a partial-cross coupled with crossed ankles – and he’s not doing much
better as he ‘holds himself back!’
due to withholding of a thought or emotion. When being pitched, it shows resistance to the sale and
when being questioned might indicate that lying is taking place. Couple interlocked legs, which is a
freeze response meant to reduce foot movement, with pacifying behaviours such as rubbing the thighs

palm down, as if to dry them, and you’ve got a cluster signaling that a secret is being covered. If the
feet are pulled under the chair, the message is even more exaggerated. The feet are saying exactly what
the person is thinking, that he or she is closed and withdrawn from the conversation. We should be
watchful of this posture when presenting a controversial opinion to see what degree of disagreement is
present and especially if the posture is held for a significant length of time, particularly by men. When
the ankles cross it is due to a subconscious freeze response due to a threat and the legs are entwined so
as to restrict and restraint movement.
As we saw previously, closing a sale or changing opinions necessitates open minds and since our
bodies and minds are linked should try to open those with the scissor posture when possible. You could
try to have them change positions, as above, by having them stand or relocate to a more comfortable
seating location, or you could take the time to identify and address whatever issue is of concern. This is
important especially if the posture preludes a more intense selling session to follow, since negative
postures early on are a good predictor of the future.
Mixed message – head cocked to the side shows interest coupled with arm and ankle crossing – she’s
uncertain.
In a free-flowing interview or discussion noting the timing of ankle cross’ can prove valuable. With
some research or prodding it might be possible to reveal the true reason for the action. Simply asking
the reason for the reservation can help eliminate this posture as well because it will make the person
feel listened. This is risky, though, because the primary reason for the gesture is to conceal an emotion.
Conversely, giving someone the opportunity to express their thoughts makes people feel heard and
sometimes that is all that is needed to open someone up. The posture after all, is a posture of hidden
disagreement, so it would be hard to hold the posture as one is given the chance to open up. If the
posture returns after some time, it might indicate that the person hasn’t fully disclosed their true
opinion on the matter or that a new issue of contention has been uncovered. Therefore, once again, time
should be taken to address any concerns that might have arisen before moving forward.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Figure Four And Figure Four Hand Lock
The figure four.
This body position occurs as one leg is bent, oriented horizontally and pulled over the opposite knee, to
form the number four. Hence the name, the figure four leg cross. It is more or less an open posture and
should be taken as a mild version of the crotch display which we saw in the section on leg spreading.
This posture is milder because it doesn’t fully expose the crotch because the crossed leg partially
blocks the genitals from view. This again, is another one of the cues that where it’s useful to picture our
targets as being nude. In essence this is the gentleman’s version of the crotch display. Women aren’t
normally seen in this posture, but since pants have become more popular, it does tend to happen more
often lately, than it has in the recent past. The figure four tells us that a person is relaxed, youthful
(mature gentleman are seen with a full leg cross where the legs end up parallel to one another) and
dominant.
The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.
The figure four seating position can be close off entirely by placing each hand on the shine so as to lock
the leg in place. This posture indicates that someone is extremely stubborn and most likely apt to reject
opinions of others. The person is also highly opinionated in most every way and may lead you into

disagreement at every turn. The figure four hand lock is stronger as a signal if it is accompanied by
negative facial expressions, scowls, or frowns. If selling an idea or product, it might be best to drop the
pitch altogether and seek more agreeable company unless you are comfortable using extreme tact or are
skilled at building relationships quickly.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Fig Leaf Position
The ‘fig leaf’ protects the genitals. Imagine the posture nude for full effect!
The fig leaf by either sex is a closed body position. It blocks the private mid section from view. This

posture occurs by placing one or both hands in front of the midsection and takes its ‘fig leaf’ name
from Adam and Eve’s traditionally portrayed posture in the Garden of Eden artwork. Modest men and
women who find themselves accidentally disrobed will instinctively clasp their hands over their private
areas. Naked women will split their attention from both breasts with one arm and hand, with the other
hand over their genitals. Men will exclusively protect their genitals from view with both hands.
In real life however, will rarely find ourselves nude and exposed in public, but our minds are still
hardwired to harbour feelings of insecurity from overexposure. In day to day situations women won’t
be fund covering their breasts by clasping them and men won’t grab their genitals a-la Micheal
Jackson, but they will claps both hands together either tightly by interlocking their fingers, or loosely
with hand in hand and then casually placing them over their mid-section. Standing is the most obvious
and common way that the fig leaf position shows itself, but it can also find its way in a seated position
as the hands are rested on the lap. Women can and do block their chests from view, as well, but not in
an offensive or obvious way. Rather, women cross their arms in front of their chests as a barrier or
block their breasts from view when threatened with whatever objects they have handy, a textbook, a
jacket or scarf, even bar tops.
These postures, of course, show insecurity and occur when we find ourselves in novel environments or
around people we aren’t familiar with. We will often see this from less confident speakers who find
themselves exposed to large audiences or when a presenter requires a participant (victim) to
demonstrate a concept.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Parallel Legs
Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned – even when caught being clumsy.
The legs parallel is a sign of femininity because men aren’t easily able to perform this posture for
obvious anatomical reasons and because it makes women’s legs appear toned. Men have much
narrower hips than women, and an extra bit in the way, and so therefore aren’t able to sit in this
fashion! The parallel legs posture occurs with one leg pressed against the other making the legs appear
sexier and more youthful. Women who are trying to draw sexual attention to themselves use this sitting
position. The most overt sitting posture of all is having legs spread and will attract the greatest amount
of sexual attention, but appears much more crude and less feminine.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Pigeon Toes
Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller
form.

Having the toes pointed inwards, often called pigeon toes or anatomically “tibial torsion” is a
submissive body posture. Children, and women who are smitten, will point their toes inwards to show
their meekness signally their willingness to be lead by more dominant individuals. Pigeon toes makes
the body appear smaller forcing it into a less threatening profile. In a sexual situation, it reflects
subjugation from the women and is an indication to others that they aren’t in charge, nor wish to be.
This claim assumes that most women wish for and choose more dominant men than themselves, which
of course isn’t always the case. However, the dichotomy that exists between the relative sizes of men
and that of women, is one extra clue of the desire women have for men to dominate. If this wasn’t so,
women would consistently choose shorter and weaker men than themselves which is obviously not the
norm.
Young women often subconsciously submit to boys in this way as they take “orders” from someplace
inside them. Some might taken offense to this claim, but our sophisticated minds remain a product of
evolution and for sex to happen, one person must necessarily submit to that of another, making the
submissive process a necessary evil. Submission isn’t a bad thing either, and is present everywhere we
look, be it in the workplace between employee-employer, our homes between spouses-someone has to
wear the pants and within our extended family-since someone must take the head of the table. In all
facets of life there exist power imbalances, and necessarily, someone needs to take charge while others
are left to follow. Peace is impossible on the greater context without submission, and pretending to be,
or actually being equal, only leads to squabbles.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind
Thinks

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows
we’re thinking that way.
The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet
had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of
others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather
than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction
we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if
someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet.
While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away
from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been
programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in
jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No
doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.
This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is
speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom
behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward
the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of
conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people
put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll
be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If
you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell
you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing
something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an
engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.
His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.
As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards
our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While
we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because

we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides,
feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the
feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.
Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.
In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes
pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a

conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems
to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them,
instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear
message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.
Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery
though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the
context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Standing Positions And Their Hidden Meaning
There are four main ways in which a person might stand [a] Straight up with their feet together [b] feet
slightly apart, but parallel [c] one foot forward and [d] legs crossed at the ankle.
The first posture with the legs straight and feet together is an attentive pose seen in obedient children
when speaking to their parents. It is a neutral, honest pose and is found in adults of differing status like
a boss and his employees. The second pose, as we saw earlier, where the legs are spread at shoulder
width while standing, is a form of crotch display. This posture says “I’m going nowhere, and fast.” The
standing crotch display can be made even more powerful by adding the thumbs in a belt loop, called
the “cowboy pose.” The cowboy pose was made famous by old Western movies. The third posture
where one foot is moved forward, with respect to the other, indicates subtle interest toward the
direction in which the foot is advanced. To show interest, the foot will be moved toward the speaker,
but it can also be moved away from the speaker toward someone we would rather have speak, or to the
door when we wish to end the conversation. The foot takes the “first step” toward where the mind
wishes it where.
The final pose where the legs are crossed at the ankle is a submissive posture. It reveals that the target
isn’t ready to commit to a proposal, and shows reservation to the situation, but also that he isn’t ready
to leave. The ankle cross is figurative denial of access to the body and mind. Our minds and bodies are
linked so when we uncross our bodies we show others that we are willing to hear them out, which is an
excellent indication that, our opinions either already match, or that there is at least a willingness to
consider the facts.
An open posture while standing shows supreme confidence because it exposes the midsection to attack.
When people meet for the first time, they will show timidity by crossing at the ankle. In fact, this is the
most common way in which people will stand when meeting new people, those exempt will both, carry
a higher status, and be aware of it.
Arm crossing, or tucking the hands in pockets, are two other ways to raise barriers when
uncomfortable. These posture don’t mean negativity per se, they are simply indications that someone
needs more time to acclimatize themselves to new people. Introverts over extroverts, will be found to
hold this posture for much longer and more frequently than extroverts. In fact, extroverts might warm
up to people so fast that they never show timidity at all, they usually jump right into any group and feel
at home. When dealing with an introvert, on the other hand, offer to take them to a quiet and less busy
environment to make them more comfortable. Offering a drink too, can give their hands something to
do to breaking their rigidity. Providing an environment where your ideas might stick, first begins by
removing barriers, even if they are nonverbal.
___________________________________________________________________________________

_______
Feet together – attentive.
Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart – shows calm confidence.
One foot pointed away – shows disinterest.
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______
How does the ‘cowboy posture’ appear fully nude?

Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard
Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since
most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of
treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For
women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.
Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should
expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet
they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having
their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank
will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the
way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our
rank is well known to us.
Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments
it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two
strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs
will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the
environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.
As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross
at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and
on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the
conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the
conversation.
Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their
rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty
and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation
showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips
showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general
agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural
process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement
or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the
distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place
in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Avoiding The Eyes
Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.
The eyes can also signal that someone is closed-off. We turn our heads when we wish to avoid being
singled out in a lecture hall or boardroom meeting. To represent a closed attitude we might pull our
chins in and tuck our heads down. In theory this is to protect our vulnerable necks from attack so it also
indicates and fearful state. When we wish to scold children we make sure they give us full eye contact
in order to measures their reaction and to ensure they’ve given us their undivided attention. This trait is
culturally specific however, as some parents require that children avoid eye contact precisely for the
same reason other parents require it; to show respect for authority.
That being said, a lack of direct eye contact during a conversation is not always to be taken as a
negative cue or rejection. Research has shown that concentrating on faces takes a lot of effort so we
look away in order to properly analyze what is being said. Looking away is also a signal that we are
comfortable with our company because we can safely look away with no risk of being attacked. In
other words, looking away shows that we trust those around us. As such, looking away is a “comfort
display.” The distinction between rude eye avoidance and a comfort display should be obvious. For
example, dropping the eyes in order to focus on picking the dirt from beneath the nails to “preen”,
removing lint from clothing while avoiding a topic, or glazing over expressionless in boredom is not
the same as looking away during a conversation to focus more deeply.

While this type of eye avoidance is normal and acceptable in casual situations, do avoid it during job
interviews as potential employers have noted they prefer candidates to focus on them rather than
casting their gaze all over their office as if they own it. In a subordinate dominant situation freely
moving eyes leave bad impressions and make potential employees appear disinterested which turn
interviewers off.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
The Fetal Position
We curl up in a ball when we feel upset – as a fetus does in utero.
An extreme form of closed posture is the fetal position. While it might seem far fetched to expect

someone in your company to have this posture, it does occur although in more abbreviated adult
acceptable ways. While at an informal party, for example, a women in might find herself hugging her
knees at the end of a couch. To her, this feels comfortable, which is why she does it, but it reveals her
true emotions. When in a public she is timid and reserved so she curls up in a ball. The abbreviated
form of this position, of course, and one that is more acceptable in public is to pull the limbs in closer
to the body and across the center-line as in the “self hug”. With age, we learn that taking up the fetal
position, like thumb sucking, is not an acceptable way of dealing with our insecurity so we drop the
extreme form of the gesture in favour of more subtle cues. Playing with the hair, rolling it around a
finger, sucking on it, or a pen, or other oral fixations are also juvenile coping behaviours that become
unacceptable, although often still continue, into adulthood.
Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.
Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous
energy.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Openness As It Relates To Status
Taking up space is a display of dominance and authority.
Since openness is a reaction to comfort and being closed relates to fear of attack, it is natural that we

should see more dominant people hold more open postures and subordinate people hold more closed
postures. An employer, for example, being more comfortable in the workplace would be expected to
hold his hands to his sides, rather than have his arms crossed, use a palm down handshake showing
dominance and generally avoid holding himself up against objects or hidden behind objects like coffee
mugs or folders. His subordinate employees, on the other hand, would feel more comfortable with their
hands in their pockets, finding refuge against the back of a chair, leaning against a desk, or hiding
behind a notebook. Employees might also take up an arm cross, either in full, but usually only in part,
by grab their opposite arm or elbow, and tuck one leg behind the other in the ankle cross. Employees
will avoid a full arm cross because they don’t want to appear totally closed to the suggestions of their
employer.
Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body
Summary – Chapter 7
In this chapter we looked at how open body positions indicate an open or closed mind. Specifically, we
saw that that by having arms and legs that cross the midpoint of the body we indicate a closed mind,
negative attitude or disposition, and conversely, that open postures indicate an open mind. This is
evident most often through what is called “ventral displays” where the chest and front is exposed. We
saw that the hands can convey honesty by showing that “no weapon is present”, that rubbing the hands
is figuratively a preparation to receive something (or that we’re cold), and that sudden changes in the
hands has real meaning, that pointing is rude and as if throwing a spear, but can and are blocked, by
arm crossing which works as a shield.
Next, we examined techniques to open people when they show closed body positions in an attempt to
close the “closed”, the meaning of leg crossing and how spreading means dominance, and how the
ankle cross indicates a negative, but hidden emotion. The figure-four-leg-position, we found, happens
by pulling one leg over the other knee and represents disagreement, the fig leaf is a shameful posture
since it hides the genitals from view, and parallel legs which happens by pressed one leg against the
other making the legs appear sexier and more youthful. Next we looked at pigeons toes or “tibial
torsion”, a submissive body posture indicating meekness, then how the legs tell where the mind thinks
through pointing and the four main ways a person might stand; straight up and feet together (attentive),
feet apart (a crotch display), one foot forward (shows direction of interest) and legs crossed at the ankle
(a submissive posture). We then examined the progression from closed to open as a sequence when
meeting new people or being in novel situations, how eye aversion or avoidance can indicate a lack of
receptiveness, that the fetal position can be abbreviated by simply pulling limbs to the center of the
body and finally how openness is related to status.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Introduction – Chapter 8
Dominant and submissive gestures are polar opposites, both by definition, and in terms of the body
language that is used to indicate it. For example, appearing larger by throwing an arm over the back of
the chair and spreading the legs opened is dominant whereas appearing smaller by pulling the limbs
inward or hunching the back is submissive. This phenomenon is a good rule of thumb so keep it in
mind while reading this chapter and the people around you.

In this chapter we will cover an encyclopedia of signs and signals that display status. By the end you
will see how dominance and submissiveness are a common theme in people. So much of what people
do is as a direct consequence of an unevenly divided resource base and how we all fit into society’s
hierarchy. Dominance and the body language that showcases it, is how we decide who has rights over
whom without resorting to physical conflict. Naturally, this chapter also provides methods by which
status can be artificially raised simply by employing suitable body language.
In this chapter we will cover, amongst many others, how our environment can be manipulated to gain
the advantage such as the status achieved by the judge in his highchair, how relaxed body postures can
show dominance, how the head talks even when our mouths are not moving, how the chair straddler is
a coward, how women will appear easy if they spread their legs whereas men will appear more
masculine, how tilting far back in the chair is dangerous and not just because you might fall, how
having the hands on the hips means more than disapproval and how military men leave their bodies
exposed to attack on purpose.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Reducing Body Size And Avoiding Conflict
Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to
avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren’t a threat.

There are cues that can eliminate, or significantly reduce the possibility of confrontation. These
“readiness to submit” postures, are found in all animals where fighting could lead to injury or terminal
harm. Unlike humans, animals in the natural world lack hospitals, doctors and medicine so conflict is
risky, not to mention there might be very little upside to engaging in physical violence. Humans, while
we can usually recover from some of the most violent physical altercations, still possess the same
evolutionary hardwiring to avoid conflict when possible. Sometimes though, aggressive postures and
hence posturing can be beneficial to thwart an attack as the opponent decides whether or not physical
or verbal attack will bring them closer to their goals, or whether or not they target will make for an easy
prey. Avoiding conflict can be done using submissive postures too, and an intelligent person will see
that his pride will still remain intact. Submitting to others requires that a person realize that their
interests are better served by achieving their goals, in this case staying injury free, rather than
maintaining status.
To an instigator, the exact opposite goal is their motivation. They wish to torment and bully their way
into positions of authority usually for the exact reason that they have no other skills at their disposal.
The intelligent will use more sophisticated methods to win the arms race instead of physical violence.
Reduction in body size is a sure way to remain anonymous and melt into the background. Submission
in this way includes; “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and
rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together. These
positions would be classified as closed body postures, as are most submissive postures. Reducing body
size is the exact opposite from what one would do to indicate dominance. Dominance is displayed by
taking up more space, being loose and free flowing, pushing the chin out, broadening our shoulders and
so forth. Remaining motionless and avoiding eye contact are other key features of a submissive
posture. What all these cues have in common is that they give us a better chance of being overlooked as
a threat, and help to repels attention from us.
Making the body small limits the potential of being hit and covers up vital areas of the body. In today’s
age, it is uncommon to be physically attacked, but the mechanism by which we display can have a big
impact on how people react physiologically to us. In other words, body language plays a big part in
how other’s perceive us even if we don’t know them, and so we can influence them to our advantage
even before a word is spoken. To avoid a speeding ticket, it has been shown that it is important to
immediately admit to being at fault and to do so emphatically. This might be counterintuitive as most
people think that admitting guilt is a sure way to get punished. However, denying culpability only
serves to instigate the officer forcing him to stand his ground even further. The best stance to avoid a
ticket, as we covered earlier, is to apologize, admit doing wrong, and incorporate submissive language
such as head down and palms up. If you still receive a ticket, it will be much less severe.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.
The extremity of submissive language is being curled up in the fetal position, however as we get older,
we find that these gestures are not acceptable so we abbreviate them. We might therefore take on a
crouched position, bend our knees slightly to appear smaller, or pull a leg in and sit on it. Women can
be seen hugging their knees by pulling them in. We can also take on “baby eyes” by widening the eyes
and appearing more vulnerable. Women and young girls are particularly talented at this posture as
anyone with daughters will no doubt admit. The vast majority of women’s sexual body language

includes submissive gestures so some of them might appear during general submission. Woman might
look up and lick their lips and keep them parted. Emotional tension created by submission can occur in
either sex, such as a pale face, fidgeting, jerky movements, sweating, or displacement behaviours such
as playing with the hair or rubbing the palms.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Shrinking Man
People who achieve higher status are seen as taller – even if they aren’t.
Height plays a big role in how we are perceived and even the level of income we might reach. It has

een noted that taller men are significantly more likely to earn higher salaries, and be promoted, then
shorter men of similar experience and qualifications. This is because we attribute more favourable
qualities to taller people, just like we do for attractive women. We can call this the “halo effect”
because taller and more attractive people are treated like angels, even though there is no reason to
believe that they are more deserving than anyone else. Unfortunately, this phenomenon also occurs in
reverse. Shorter and less attractive people are thought to be less intelligent and lazy. Many research
studies looking at the treatment differences of thin people versus those who are obese have shown that
bystanders are significantly more likely to come to the assistance of the more attractive people over
those who are overweight. Overweight people in distress are often outright ignored.
While the facts surrounding the halo effect might not come as a surprise, the fact that those in positions
of power also receive more favourable ratings might. For example, bosses, professors, judges, and
others in positions of authority are perceived to be taller than they really are. Shorter bosses are given a
few extra inches and bosses that are the same height as an employee will be said to be taller than them.
These ratings have everything to do with their relative importance. Because they are leaders, we give
them leadership qualities. Therefore, height perception is due, in part, to the positions held by the
people around us. Even those with quieter personalities will be perceived as shorter than they really are,
and those with more assertive and authoritative attitudes will be perceived as taller.
Height is used as a means of establishing superior-subordinate relationships. These can be real as it is
with short and tall people or circumstantial as in happens by modifying ones environment or posture.
The judge is at a high bench for a reason, he is trying to reign over his courtroom and establish his
importance. The same goes for King’s or the Pope whom take balcony vantage points to address their
followers. The pharmacist on the other hand is a compete mystery!

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Environment Plays On Height And Dominance
Standing up while others are seated instantly creates dominance.
If your goal is to gain the dominance advantage, but nature dealt you the short stack, there are several
ways to use your environment in your favour. One of which is to create a scenario where it is natural to
present to a seated audience. Obviously this particular example is more suitable to a boardroom
business meeting, but can also be amongst friends by roaming a room, rather than taking a fix seat
while entertaining. When created an artificial scenario it would be wise to include ample comfortable
seating to provide an incentive for people to plop themselves down. A man might use the standing
advantage at a bar to pick up women by waiting for her sit instead of approaching her while she dances.
Present to the seated naturally gives you a large height advantage.

This cop knows his game. By keeping the suspect in his car he gains height-authority over him.
Stages by their nature are designed to give power to the speaker. Fewer interruptions from the audience
is the direct result of being higher than them. It is very unnatural to address someone with any degree
of authority from a lower position and we instinctively know this. If there are height differences and
levels about a room, such as split levels or stairs, and your goal it to intimate or dominant someone,
then use them. For example, standing on an upper step with your target below you will give you the
upper hand every time. Addressing someone taller than you from an elevated position such that their
height is negated will make them feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. They aren’t used to playing short
stacked and they will probably do their best to rebalance the field in their favour when the opportunity
arises. Try this experiment on door-to-door solicitors the next time they interrupt you. First, be sure to
use the door as a barrier never quite opening it fully, and never ever invite them in. If you have a glass
portion of your door, close the door slightly so as to be speaking through the glass. Ideally this will
force them to address you from the next step which will be lower giving you at least a six inch height
advantage. This is usually enough to stifle their pitch or at least annoy them. Next close and re-open the
door at random intervals. This might seem cruel, but remember you never invited them, so they brought
it upon themselves!
While lifts in shoes are out of style for men, there exits shoe brands and inserts that can add up to two
inches of height. If you are 5’8”, then two inches can make a big difference in the height game, and put
you into or above the average. Women know the power of heels all to well, and should use it to their
advantage whenever possible in business and even in dating. The exception though is when the purpose
is to build cooperation rather than asserting competence. Women should use heels in dating to set their
benchmark height. It is universally recognized that women prefer men to be two to three inches taller
than they are. By simply using a heel of that height and eliminating men who don’t stack up, they can
immediately thwart unwanted advances. Most men won’t solicit from women taller than they are.

As we saw, forcing others to sit while we stand can helps neutralize height differences, but so too does
mutually sitting. If both parties are forced to sit, the advantage is given to those that have the biggest
rear ends rather than those with the longest legs. The extra cushion serves to prop them up! The largest
differences in heights is largely due to the biggest bones in our bodies which is our legs, not our spines,
although they do play a part. Sitting down, takes our legs out of commission. Next we should try to
hold good posture and if our company has poor posture, we can negate all or most of the height
difference. Sitting on opposite sides of the table negates height differences even further because
separation makes it difficult to make the height comparison. The same tactic can be used while standing
just by taking a step back.
An advanced, although cruel tactic includes sabotaging others by providing them with lower chairs. It’s
not uncommon in the interview process to give prospects unpadded chairs with short legs. When
multiple people are present, just claim the tallest chair! A chair with an abnormally tall back commonly
used by royalty will make someone appear shorter due to perspective, but will also serve to make them
appear more dominant and authoritative.
If presented with a power player who insists on interrupting and talking over you or others especially
while seated, play their game. Instead of taking it sitting down, stand up, walk about the room, move
away from the situation or move to the opposite side of the desk or table or use misdirection by looking
out a window pretending to ponder his position. Each of these actions will unnerve them forcing them
to up their game or concede. The simplest and most honest tactic is to hold better, more upright posture,
which in and of itself can add inches over people with poor posture. Most people have a bad habit of
slouching, so using better posture on its own makes you appear more confident by comparison.
If your objective is to maintain common ground instead of exploiting it, then the best bet it to try to
level or lessen height differences instead of exploiting them. Tall women know this all to well, and can
be found with poor posture usually because they stand out from the crowd and get teased as teenagers.
Unfortunately, instead of walking tall, they hunch up trying to appear subordinate so they fit into the
crowd unnoticed. Obviously, tall women who slouch are self-conscious of their height.
This not-withstanding reducing height differences fosters cooperation and reduces tension. Tall people
should take notes and reverse all that was said above with respect to exploiting height differences. Most
of what was mentioned was methods to use height to manipulate or create power imbalances. If the
goal is to achieve cooperation, then we should be careful to try to level height differences instead of
maximizing them. We should rarely show submission though, as it can be as disastrous as showing
dominance when trying to build cooperation. We never want to appear weak even as we seek common
ground.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Relaxed Body Language
We relax when we don’t feel an immediate threat.
Identifying relaxed body language helps us find people that belong, or that feel they belong, in a given
situation. Those that are relaxed do so in environments they “own” and control and the higher is a
persons’ status, the more diverse will be these environments, although situational novelty also plays a
major role in comfort. Even low status people have a variety of locations in which they feel relaxed
because being relaxed is a function of feeling that no threat is present and this is based largely on
experience. Someone ridding a subway for the first time, for example, will be tensed and show rigid
body postures like a coiled spring. They will be looking around at the subway signs and various
indicators, and the people around them. It is impossible to be and look relaxed when the senses are on
alert, when we’re keen to watch for signals of danger suspecting that all noises around us could indicate
imminent danger. Someone that rides the subway daily won’t notice the signs and sounds around them,
just like a highway driver zones out for the majority of the drive only to find out somehow he has
arrived at his destination. Subway riders might even be so relaxed that they doze off on their route or
become engrossed in a newspaper or magazine and miss their stop.
Relaxed body language is any body language that lacks muscle tension, the body is loose and the arms
and legs move freely and naturally swaying with any motion. The torso may sag slightly to one side, or
slump, but is not held by irregular tension. Thus, the body holds regular open body postures, with the
arms and legs uncrossed. A leg might even be tucked under the body, to be sat on, showing that one is
not prepared to leave and doesn’t expect to be caught off-guard. Breathing is steady and slow and can
even become deep showing even more relaxation. Smiles happen in coordination with the eyes and the
lips are not simply stretching across the face. The eyebrows are stable or move along with speech rather
than frowning and the eyes gaze rather than stare and blink at a regular rate. The forehead will have no
tension and we should watch for wrinkles which is an easy give-away to tension. Lines and wrinkles in
the forehead quickly showing fear. Lastly, the skin colour is normal, not red showing embarrassment or

anger, and isn’t pale with fear.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Raising Status Through Relaxed Body Postures
Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.
It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking on a relaxed position and postures when around others, such
as slumping in your chair can be a way to increase your status. This might be opposite to what you
would expect given the rules of height and power but slouching shows to everyone that you are
comfortable with yourself and don’t feeling anxious by someone else’s presence. By extension, most
people will find it difficult to relax when in the presence of higher ranking people. Therefore it follows
that if someone shows relaxed body postures, they must be high ranking! Subconsciously, we do think
this, although, when we know definitively that we outrank our slouching counterpart, we find them to
be brazen and ignorant which fosters more negative attitudes. This can go both ways, and it will be up
to you which route you take. Do you want to fit in, or “rock the boat”, so to speak.
Imagine entering your boss’s office because he wants to speak to you about your performance. You
promptly sit down, without permission, and slam your feet on top of his desk taking up an ownership
(comfortable) position. Without question, he will take offense. The rare exceptions can happen though.
Say you are close personal friends on top of your work relationship, or maybe you are of similar rank in
the office, say partners. What would happen if instead of putting your feet up on his desk you instead
slouch over the arm rest and open your legs? While this isn’t equally as offensive, it will come across
as a challenge to your boss’s dominance and put him on edge. In subordinate/dominant relationship
relaxed body language quickly upset whatever hierarchy was thought to have existed setting the tone
for future struggles which may or may not be your ultimate goal.
When competing with those of equal status, relaxed and dominant body language can help, rather than
hinder, your chances of success because it will set you above your competitors without using risky

verbal language.
Let’s take another example where the new boyfriend enters his girlfriend’s house, sits down on the sofa,
and makes himself at home totally oblivious to her father. The boyfriend has set a competitive tone and
if not challenged by Dad, he will continue to experience the upper hand. His relaxed ownership has
said to his girlfriends father that he is willing (but possibly not able – this is yet to play out), to usurp
his daughter’s interest and therefore take over his role as her caregiver. If Dad is a pusher-over, the
boyfriend wins. Smart Dad’s set the rules early and emphatically by polishing their guns in their
rocking chairs on the front porch!
As we see, territoriality means everything to relaxed postures. Where appropriate, such as with close
friends of equal rank, relaxed postures are insignificant, but when they happen within someone else’s
boundaries, they send a powerful message that are especially salient to the person who has laid claimed
to such boundaries. The owner of the property, wherever it might be, would much rather see cautious
and reserved body language from those entering their boundaries as a signal of respect. No matter the
result of the challenge, relaxed body language can help set the stage to achieve higher status. When the
challenge is not met, the user of relaxed body language enjoys his “free lunch”, and with this comes
freedom to choose and control future scenarios.
So far we have examined how relaxed body language can set up nonverbal power struggles between
those of differing rank, however, they can also maintain power rank when used by higher status
individuals in lower ranking person’s territory, or to tip the balance, when use by those in equal rank.
To see those of equal rank struggle for power, carefully examine the body language of leaders when
they meet. One of the best examples is when presidents and prime ministers, leaders of entire countries,
meet and jockey for the upper hand. Which leader appears more at home, relaxed, calm and collected?
Which one fidgets, or pulls at a collar, or tries to keep himself in the picture? You can learn a lot by
how leaders act when confronted with those of equal status.
I have mentioned a few examples thus far depicting relaxed body postures such as slouching in a chair
and tossing the legs up on a desk. They can also include leaning further back far in a chair, sitting deep
inside a comfy sofa (versus sitting at the edge in a ready position) dangling an arm over the back of the
chair, opening up the legs instead of crossing them, generally taking up more space and more open
body positions. A particularly obvious territorial display of confidence, authority and ownership is
achieved by spreading the finger tips on a desk carrying part of the body’s weight while standing
hunched over it. Onlookers will respect that the desk is in full control of the person carrying this
posture. If you want to know exactly how much trouble someone is going to give you, meaning just
how authoritative they are, just watch for how wide they spread themselves out across a surface. For
example, a store clerk might watch just how far the arms are splayed across the top of the counter. The
more spread the arms, the more trouble is coming their way. We see this type of body language most
often when there is a customer service issue where a sale failed to please. The gesture will be
accompanied by verbal demands and displeasure.
Relaxed body postures are really all about spreading out, taking up more space and looking as if you
own your environment so if your goal is to show ownership, picture yourself in your own domain, and
transport this frame of mind wherever you happened to be.
Of course with this type of body language there needs to be a disclaimer about intent. Most people,
especially high ranking people, are normally protective of their property (whatever this happens to be –
their house, office or favourite chair) so usurping their stuff, has the potential to alienate them, which is
why you really should consider what type of battle you are orchestrating. By extension, more
submissive gestures can serve to help gain someone else’s trust and instill in them a desire to help,
which can sometimes be a more effective way to achieve your goals.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Language Of The Head
The positions of the head tells us a lot about what feelings are present and readily leaks information to
others. Head language is similar to facial expressions since it can convey a large amount of information
extremely quickly. Heads can shake, nod, bobble, lowered, tilt, duck, or dropped back each having its
own meaning. As we shall see, head language can tells us that someone is negative on a matter, neutral
or in actively in thought.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Headshake For Negative Thoughts
The head shake signifies a negative thought indicator. It’s as if the person can’t get past an idea. Babies
use the headshake as in innate gesture to signal to their mother that they’ve had enough milk by turning
their head away. The head shake is different from the typical “no type gesture” in that the head is tilted
from side-to-side instead of being pivoted back and forth used to signify “no” in various cultures by
adults. We should be skeptical if the head shake is given while voicing specifically agreeable language
such as “You make a good point.” or “That sounds like a great idea.” These words, accompanied by the
head shake, negates whatever positive words were voiced. It tells us that they were either trying to pull
a fast one on us, or just trying to appease us.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Head Nod And Bobble
The head nod in western cultures says agreement. In other cultures such as in Bulgaria and Sri Lanka it
means disagreement, although from studies of the deaf and blind, it is apparent that this gesture is also
innate. The nod used as a greeting, performed as a quick drop of the head, may stem from an
abbreviated head bow. As we learned, lowering the body signifies a submissive posture, and so too
does agreement. In Japan the head nod usually signals to the speaker that they are being heard and
doesn’t necessarily indicate agreement. Thus, head nods are particularly specific to cultures so caution
is important.
The head bobble, which is a side to side motion across an arc also means different things to different
cultures. For example, in East Slavic it means disapproval and in India it means “okay”. In Bulgaria,
India and Pakistan the head bobble means “yes.” Other gestures by the head can include the chin point,
in the West, which is a slick way of pointing out other girls to your buddy without getting caught.
Sometimes the chin point is used as a greeting between friends as an informal acknowledgement of
each other’s presence. In Greece, Turkey and Arabic-speaking countries pulling the head back in a
jerking motion signals “no” but in Ethiopia it actually means “yes.”

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Head Lowered Judgment
Head down means judgement.
The head down shows a judgment or negative internal emotion. In fact, my son who is just nine months

old, will pull his chin in and put his head down so that I can’t see his eyes when I instruct him not to
touch the buttons on my desktop computer tower. He also smirks when he doesn’t want to internalize
and obey me. Next, he raises his left arm (usually) to the back of his neck and either (short) grabs his
ear or the hair at the side of his head, or reaches all the way and scratches the back of his neck showing
restraint. I say short-grab because the real cue is the grab the back of the neck, but his arms, being a
baby are short and inflexible. Scratching the back of the neck is like “holding yourself back” by the
scruff of the neck. This cue cluster has been important for my wife and I as we ascertain what level of
obedience we should expect based on whether or not he has actually internalized our instructions.
As with any head motion it is important to examine the adjoining clusters of body language to
determine it’s true origins. For example, adding arm crossed to head down would signify more
prominently that there was negativity present. Bending the head down, but looking up, can easily be
confused with a lowered head yet means something totally different. The bent head means agreement,
confirmation, or even shame.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Head Tilted Interest
Head tilt shows interest.
The head tilted at forty-five degrees from the center line of the body indicates interest and intrigue. It

says “I am receptive, comfortable, and friendly.” The head tilt is one of the very significant and
prominent postures that everyone should be aware of, especially educators of any kind. A professor for
example, can gauge his efficacy as an instructor by the degree to which his audience tilts their head.
Head tilting is also very difficult to fake because our minds will resist the posture when we dislike what
we are hearing or the people around us, making it a very honest and reliable gesture.
Head on, means passive listening for example, head slightly tilted shows moderate interest and head at
its maximum forty-five degrees shows full immersion. A teacher might see variations across his
audience, and also across the subject matter. Head tilting is not an all or nothing phenomenon. This
makes it easy to measure the success of a presentation nonverbally and tweak it as necessary.
Dogs also tilt their head, usually by engaging them in human conversations, so the root of this
mechanism could simply be the state of being confusion. The head tilt is also a submissive gesture as it
exposes the neck making it vulnerable to attack. One of the more prominent courtship displays is the
exposed neck, and when done by women, is particularly alluring. This is examined in a later chapter.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Head Back And Peering Over Glasses
You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.
This head position prompts phrases such as “She looked down her nose at him in disapproval.” It is the

classic eye-glass wearing domineering teacher or librarian look when a student has done something she
does not approve of, so she stares him down. The gesture can be done by looking over the glasses or
simply by looking down the bridge of the nose. The posture elicits a prey response in others because it
puts them in an aggressive relationship with the predator peering down on them. Tilting the head back
is a way to adjust the height levels between people because by doing so it raises the level of the eyes by
a few inches. Looking down the nose is indicative of someone that is condescending or pushy and is an
authoritarian posture but is also a gravity defying body language so shows confidence and positivity.
It’s where the phrase “Keep your chin up” come from when we wish others to frame their outlook in a
more constructive light. Conversely the chin down shows negativity and destructive thoughts such as
judgement.
While the cue can be done without glasses, peering over them by slightly pulling them down as if to get
a better view is even stronger. A friend of mine who is a photographer explained to me that he felt
turned off by a client that habitually held this posture. For whatever reason, it was her natural tendency
to tilt her head back and look down the bridge of her nose at the camera. Since the nose and chin move
together they both signal the same sort of high confidence dominant signal. At the time he didn’t know
why but was quick to have the model drop this posture because it didn’t feel right to him. I explained to
him that he likely felt put off by the posture because it made her appear dominant and authoritative
when he was likely looking for a coy pose instead. I was right after all. His reply “Why would anyone
want to look at a domineering model peering down on her subjects?” He then explained that he wasn’t
doing a stock photo for a fluff editorial, rather “She wanted to look attractive for her boyfriend!” We
both found this amusing; he would have received an interesting surprise!
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Chair Straddler
The chair straddler is a dominant, yet cowardly sitting position, because for one, the seating position
requires one to spread their legs wide open exposing the genitals, and two, because symbolically it is as
if they were holding a shield against their chest. Crotch displays are typical for dominant people,
especially men. Women can also sometimes display authority in this fashion but if done improperly it
appears like a sexual invitation rather than a dominance display. Figuratively, chair straddlers are spears
throwers or arrows flingers as they toss words at others from behind their barricade. It might not always
be the intention of the staddler to come across this way, so it is our duty as good body language readers,
to reserve judgment until we catalog enough cues in clusters. For every rule there are always
exceptions. The point here though, is that other people will judge us poorly if we become the person
that straddles chairs. Certain dominant body language is acceptable, but this isn’t one of them.
If you find yourself (over) exposed to a straddler, there are a few ways to disarm him from his shield.
The first is to change your seating location so that he no longer faces you directly, exposing his
genitals. You can also stand up altogether and even move behind him making his posture totally
ineffective. By moving behind him, his back will become exposed and unprotected, causing him to
tense up. The height differences will also force him to try to remain more erect and upright, so to speak,
causing him to feel uncomfortable and annoyed in short order. A proficient straddler will then turn his
chair (and his member) to face you, and just like a real-life chess game the pieces move strategically.
This brings about the third technique, which is to overcrowd his personal space by standing over him,
being careful to continuing the conversation. If all these techniques fail, and in most cases they won’t,
you can always call him out on his attitudes and body language. Like calling anyone out for any reason,
this is risky and can easily backfire alienate him altogether. In extreme situations, you might see no risk

at all since all you stand to lose is an arrogant acquaintance.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Leg Spreading
When leg spreading is overt, it can be a turn-off – especially in the workplace.
Another dominant gesture, where we put our manly prowess on display, women exempted, is the crotch
display. The legs can be spread while sitting or standing and depending on the degree of separation and
context, can mean different things. For example, legs spread at shoulder width while standing is a
dominant and acceptable display. It is seen as normal and is encouraged because it comes across as
confident rather than offensive. Having the legs spread wide open while seated is another story
altogether. If it happens while directly facing others, it is perceived as arrogant.
Seated leg spreading is especially potent to female coworkers in an office setting, since they aren’t able
to imitate the behaviour and retain any class. As a rebuke, women will taking on defensive postures
such as arms crossed and legs crossed; this tells us that they are offended by the posture and see the
body language as chauvinistic. Men can sometimes use this posture effectively to attract the attention
of women, but only in so far as they appreciate the caveman approach. Therefore, the tactic can go both
ways, but a small amount of leg spreading can be used to convey a positive middle ground. Having the
legs tightly pressed together can sometimes appear even worse, since it conveys submissiveness or
being too uptight.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Leg Over The Chair
Having one leg over the arm rest of a chair is a full on assault to the rest of his company. I use “his”
because men are much more likely to use this posture than women. The posture shows aggression,
dominance, ownership and an informal attitude. Ownership here can mean simply of the chair, but in a
larger context it also means ownership of the situation as a whole, the ideas in the room, and even the
people. The sitting position is so informal that it means that a person holding it, cares not about what
anyone else thinks.
While, with friends this posture could be acceptable despite its offensiveness, it’s definitely not
acceptable during an interview, in public, or when meeting important people. To send the proper
message with our legs use a comfortable, yet proper sitting position which is a sign of respect for those
around you. Either leave a slight gap between the legs, use the figure-four leg cross (for men only), or
us the English style leg cross where the legs lie parallel one over the other. Women should almost
universally cross their legs so they lie parallel, even if they are wearing pants but especially if they are
not.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Full Body Steeple
The full steeple, sometimes called ‘hooding’ or the ‘hooding effect’ is a high confidence/dominance
display.
The full body steeple occurs by placing both hands up and behind the head while seated. The postures
is completed by combining it with the figure-four-leg cross which happens by placing the ankle of the
opposite foot across the knee, or made even more dominant by leaving the legs splayed wide open. As

we saw before, the figure-four-leg position is an abbreviated crotch display that builds status by
drawing other’s attention to the midsection, while the arms behind the head posture shows arrogance
because it openly exposes the body to attack. Remember that dominant people don’t worry about being
attacked and often show this confidence by overexposing themselves and their vulnerable areas to
challengers. The language of the crotch says that “I am safe in displaying because no one would dare
try to attack me”. It also says “I have a big penis and I’m showing it off because I think yours is
probably smaller”. To women, on the other hand, it’s an offering, as in “Here it is, come and get it”.
Just like magicians use sleight of hand to draw attention to or away from the action, men use similar
tricks to draw attention to areas they wish others to admire. Is it a mistake that men’s neckties are large
pieces of cloth in the shape of an arrow? What does the arrow point to? Crotch emphasis, can and is
done, with the help of pointed fingers, by wrapping the thumb around belt loops and dangling the
remaining fingers in their vicinity or through a crotch adjustment. Baseball players are the world’s most
prevalent crotch adjusters! I wonder if they’re trying to get at something.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.
The full body steeple can be used to intimidate others, or convey a relaxed, cocky disposition, but as
always, body language needs to be taken in context. The accompanying dialogue will help tell us what
is really going on. Professionals, such as lawyers, accountants, managers, bosses, and others that tend
to take their superiority to higher levels than the rest of us, will be seen using the full body steeple.
To break a steepler, try opening them with honest gestures while leaning forward. Honest gestures

might foster mirroring where they might drop their steeple, while leaning forward will put them on
edge, especially if you near them in a feigned attack. The open, honest gestures, in your cue cluster will
serve to confuse them. You may also try pulling back into a seated and relaxed position, in effect,
joining them in their dominance. Avoiding eye contact to appear aloof by looking over their heads, or
submitting to other’s in the room, will create an edge which is unsettling to those who wish to appear
dominant. Remember, dominant people want to be in control at all times so any signal you create that
leads them to believe that you are capable of acting independently will set them back. Another more
diplomatic gesture is to hand them a sheet of paper or document forcing them to lean forward to take it.
Standing over them is a more brazen technique and one that won’t necessarily yield favourable results.
This type of encroachment onto territorial individuals is likely to instigate a confrontation. Mirroring
the full body steeple gesture will probably have the most profound effect since you are displaying that
you have equal status. This is certain to unnerve them.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Tilting Far Back In A Chair
Titling in the chair is a casual and therefore dominant gesture and the further back one leans in the
chair, the stronger the message of superiority. It comes has a similar root to the full body steeple as it
creates distance from other’s showing detachment, and also a relaxed or informal attitude. When our
boss’s perform this gesture, it can mean several things, he is indifferent to others and their ideas, he is
simply adopting a relaxed position on the matter. Caution is order, as context and accompanying
dialogue is necessary to verify exactly what this gesture means.
When children are seen doing this in response to being chastised for bad behaviour it is important to
quickly correct it or the attitude can snowball. A simple way to fix it through nonverbal means is to
encroach on their personal space or by taking a flank or a rear position. This will create uneasiness in
them and force them to take a less relaxed authoritative body language stance and might even put them
in a ready position with their hands on their knees in preparations to take action hopefully by resolving
the issue or serving the punishment. When power plays are used by subordinate people, over time they
gain authority, and the last thing you want to do is lose rank with your children as with it goes respect.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Hands On Hips
Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.
Having the hands on the hips or “arms akimbo” is to display like a peacock, even in people! It makes

the body take up more space and hence appear larger so as to assert dominance. All the fingers also curl
inward so that they point toward the crotch drawing attention in that direction which punctuates the
point even further. The thumbs might also be tucked into the belt or into belt loops serving to “frame
the genitals.” The message said is “There are issues here”, “Things are not right”, “I’m standing my
ground” or “I’m a virile male so check me out!” Women can also be seen holding the posture although
more rarely, and when they do, they will hold their hands on their hips and point their fingers to their
buttocks. Pointing therefore, puts emphasis on our best assets while we state our case. Fingers pointed
backwards as women do more often is a more inquisitive posture than an authoritarian one.

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.
Sexual dimorphism is a word used to describe the differences in form between males and females
within the same species. In other animals, it includes horns and antlers, tusks, waddles, elaborate
coloration and plumage, amongst many, many others. In humans, the dimorphism includes hairiness,
perpetually swollen breasts versus muscular chests, square jaws and manly noses, internal versus
external genitals, muscle mass differences, amount of fatty tissue, and hip to waste ratios (where the
ratio produces an hour glass in women). In most cases, the differences between men and women are not

very pronounced compared to many other animals. But when we do differ, men and women tend to
display (exploit) their differences in effort to attract attention.
Like most of life’s endeavors, attention is competition based. We compete both against our own sex and
for attention from the other sex. This seems like one in the same, but it is not. For example, appearing
larger, heavier, taller or more muscular can serve to pique the interest of women, but also to repel
nearby rivals. This is not to say that our species is cutthroat where everything boils down to
competition. Instead, a large part of life involves cooperation. However, how would we know who best
to cooperate with, if it wasn’t for their advantages in competition!
The hands on hips gesture is one of the ways men puff out to appear more dominant and attractive to
the opposite sex and repel competition from the same sex. The cue cluster accompanying the hands-onhips
also includes an upright posture, chin up, chest out and the legs at slightly wider than shoulder
width. The hands-on-hips is also a ready posture when it does not accompany more dominant cues in
the cluster. In this case, it appears like a runner at the gate prepared to jump at an opportunity whatever
it might be.
Territoriality and ownership is a part of the hands on hips gestures, just like placing a flag into the soil
indicates a territorial line. Holding the body erect, planted, shows that the pieces of land on which we
stands is ours. We occasionally see this posture in children too, as they assert their point to their adult
counterparts. The referee at a sporting event will be seen holding ground with his hands on his hips as
he’s met with protest from the team’s coach. He’s made a bad call, but instead of admitting it, of which
let’s face it, he can’t, he instead says “I’m not going to leave, I’m the boss, what I say goes.”
Meanwhile the coach will mirror this posture saying “I’m not going anywhere until I’m done doing
what I came here for, so you are just going to hear me out.” Therefore the hands-on-hips body language
also represents defiance. The abbreviation for the hands on hip gesture is to drop one hand, yet it
remains just as potent. The other hand is usually busy gesturing more than colourful language.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Cowboy Pose
The cowboy has all fingers “drawn” – so you check ‘it’ out.
The cowboy pose happens by placing the thumbs in the belt loops with the remaining fingers pointed

downwards towards the crotch. Popularized by old western movies cowboys would use a combination
of this posture and the hands-on-hips (or gun) posture to show how macho they were. Because it draws
attention once again to the crotch, it is rarely used by women. Women tend to have to use less
aggressive, yet more sensual means to show off, such as thrusting their chest outward by rolling their
shoulders back, or parting the legs slightly leaving them uncrossed. When amongst other men, the
cowboy pose says that they are unafraid and can dominate. This posture is tolerable as a dominance
display in men because it lacks the pompousness we can sometimes find coming from in-your-face
displays. The cowboy pose is equal to the figure-four-leg cross with respect to perception by others and
use acceptability. This not withstanding, the posture still needs to be used with caution.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Military Man
The ‘military’ or ‘regal’ stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high
confidence posture was made popular by royalty.
The “military man” sometimes called the “regal stance” when carried by royalty is a posture that occurs
by placing the hands, palm in palm behind the back openly exposing the chest, usually accompanied by
chin up and out, and head held back. The hand gripping the wrist or upper arm in behind the back sends
an emotional message of frustration and an attempt at self control, but forms no part of what is said by
the military man. Usually the feet of the military man are splayed outward so as to take up more space
and dominance, which is opposite to tibial torsion when the toes point inward to signal submission.
When the feet are turned outward, they indicate that a person is upset, being threatened or is
threatening others. When it comes to the feet, the wider the feet are spread the more confrontation is
displayed since when people ready to fight, they wish to carry a more balanced stance to avoid getting
knocked over. In other words, legs will never be crossed during confrontation for the simple fact that it
becomes much more difficult to escape an attack or fight a battle. Subconsciously our brains know this
well, so won’t permit it. Likewise, as people become less agreeable their feet will become more spaced

out. Therefore, as a way to reduce tension during conflict, adopt a less splayed posture, or even keep
the legs crossed showing a lack of desire to compete.
The military man posture is reserved almost exclusively for dominant individuals, leaders, and those of
high status and others who expect little or no challenge whatsoever of their authority. It is popular
among lawyers, doctors, university professors, policemen or high ranking military personnel such as
sergeants. Those in the military can be seen competing within rank by ever increasing leg splaying. It
can also be found in (over) confident store clerks, oddly enough, who parade their booths during slow
periods presumably seeking someone to commerce with. Power is nearly the exclusive meaning
delivered by the posture as it exposes the full front of the body to possible attack; even invites it with
an extended pointed chin. The message is also one that says “Don’t come near me, I’m important and I
shouldn’t be touched!” The Queen of England and Prince Philip are noted with this body language due
to their high rank and importance.

A challenge to fight – the chin pops out tempting our opponent.
Boxers learn early on to tuck their chins down to protect it, as it is the easiest way to produce a knock
out, opposite to the military man. The chin blow is so devastating in combat because when the jaw is
hit hard enough with the right technique, it slams directly into the temporal mandibular nerve
producing shock. Not to mention the fact that hard punches sloshes the brain violently around inside
the skull cavity which can lead to internal bleeding and swelling. The wiring-our nervous system, is
very complicated and also interconnected so a blow to one nerve can send shockwaves throughout the

ody. This nerve in particular, while vulnerable, also controls the lips, sinuses and digestion among
others. Hitting it hard and suddenly is effectively like putting the body into sensory overload causing it
to suddenly shut down. In fact, successful boxers want what is called “good chin” or the ability to
repeatedly endure blows to the head and chin without passing out. The military man, on the other hand,
is one who dares someone to attack their chins by making it an overt target. He says, “Go ahead take a
swipe, see what it gets you in return.”
Other times, the military man posture is intended to show a readiness to be open an inviting, although it
fails in this regard. We’ve all avoided the eerily empty mall shop whose underpaid employee or
distraught owner paces to and fro with his hands to his back. One has to wonder if the empty shop is
the cause or effect. Does the body language repel customers or does the body language come from
being repelled by customers? I suspect the latter, but this represents my body language bias. Naturally,
the clerks would be served well to drop the posture altogether and instead offer something more
welcoming.
Police use the military-man posture to put their confidence on display. They know their uniform, badge,
and the law they serve, protects them from challenges. School principals and teachers who want to set a
strong first impression can also be seen touring their territory with their arms to their backs. My high
school principle, in retrospect was mild mannered and quiet, he used his posture to show others he
meant business. The next principle, much younger and green, faired far worse in maintaining order. He
used his mouth far too often to try to set his tone which merely invited attacks. Evolutionarily speaking
the military man is a strutting posture and so it can preemptively avoid potentially harmful physical
show-downs between rival men. Other possible root origins stem from its concealment properties. In
other words, a spear, knife or other makeshift sharp object might be cocked at the ready to be sprung on
unsuspecting challengers – you’d never know, so why risk it! If you had no other choice, would you
physically jump a confident looking authority figure or the man hunched over who avoids eye contact?
In other words, sometimes the military man posture makes great sense.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
What Does Thumbing Indicate?
Exposed thumbs indicate high confidence. When we feel insecure we tuck our thumbs out of view.
In Shakespeare’s Romen and Juliet, Capulet’s servant Sampson induces a fight by biting his thumb at

Montague’s servant Abraham. This traditional Sicilian gesture is performed today by placing the thumb
behind the upper incisors and flicking the thumb forward toward the person you wish to insult. The
symbol means “To hell with you.” The thumbs down gesture would have meant death in Roman times
for a gladiator, while the thumbs shooting off to the side is associated with a negative thought about
someone we wish not to offer respect. It begins or ends a conversation such as “I told you about that
guy over there (followed by thumbing in their direction) …he’s up to no good.” However, not all thumb
gestures are negative as we see with the thumbs up gesture in western cultures.
Thumb displays denote

superiority and royalty has made them famous, but they have also been adopted by lawyers trying to
seem noble and important. One way thumb displays happen is by placing all but the thumbs in the front
pockets of a vest or suite jacket, or by knuckling the vest and leaving the thumbs out. Thumbs-up can
also turn a timid interlaced fingers gesture into a positive thoughts gesture by flaring the thumbs up
during conversation. Thumbs-out is a representation of ego, dominance, confidence, comfort,
assertiveness and sometimes even aggressiveness. The thumbs out gesture is usually found in clusters
with other dominant body language. For example, to denote superiority, the legs would also be spread
apart, the chest puffed out to appear larger and the head held back, all the while glaring down the nose
at any onlookers. The thumbs up gesture, wherever it happens, is a form of “gravity defying’ body
language. This means that it is related to positive emotions since it requires energy to do and people
that are depressed aren’t interested in burning energy especially wastefully.
We rarely see those with low status carry this posture, but if we do, we certainly will know something
“important” about them! Sometimes our boss will be caught walking around his office holding this
posture signifying his dominance, or at least his attempt at dominance. Men seeking the affection and
attention of women will also sometimes carry thumbing postures, but they might downplay their
dominant attitude by holding their hands in their back pockets so as to hide them. Another variation
altogether includes flaunting the thumbs by placing them under the arm whilst folded. This last posture
is a closed, yet dominant cue cluster. The crossed arms tell others that they are closed off from
communication while the exposed thumbs reveal superiority.
The polar opposite to the thumb display is hidden thumbs which may happen by placing just the
thumbs in front pockets with the remaining fingers outside. This posture says “I’m unsure of myself”
and denotes extreme low confidence and low status. Hidden thumbs can be found when people are
timid, insecure, or feel social discomfort and is a childhood throwback to when children stand in front
of their parents looking disappointed and saddened.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Displays Of Ownership And Territory To
Indicate Dominance
“Fences make great neighbours” seems like a great truism for our day and we see just as many fences
going up as we do houses. Humans are very social, but it is also obvious that we are deeply territorial.
While in public, a wife might display ownership of her husband by hooking her arm around his, or he
might throw an arm around her just the same. We show that an automobile that we are proud of is ours
by leaning up against it or placing a foot on its bumper or ownership of a desk by tossing our feet up on
top of it. We display ownership of our houses and personal affair by adding personal touches and might
even block the entry to our homes by solicitors through clogging the doorway with our bodies.
Territorial lines are drawn everywhere in our lives from the particularities of our offices and
automobiles, right down to the rooms in our own homes, and whom has access to them. We even have
boundaries around our bodies which we protect rigorously. The more dominant the individual, the more
apt they are to have and hold rigid boundaries about their personal space and possessions. For example,
walking into your boss’s office and sitting in his chair won’t come with a welcome reception. But
amongst friends, this type of chair stealing happens frequently and can even become a game, due
largely to the fact that you and your friends are of equal status. It wouldn’t be uncommon for the boss’s
children to play this game with their dad, so in some context, stealing territory is perfectly tolerable

with all people.
Only sometimes does first come – first serve, apply to territories. Squatter’s rights as it where is also
organized by hierarchy. Those with higher rank can often force others to move, even just by their
presence. Sitting at the head of a table is fine so long as you are the highest rank to date, but if someone
of higher rank appears, it’s customary to relinquish, or at least offer the seat to them. Members of a
staff who are close in rank can sometimes power play each other for these seats at the boardroom table
in attempt to move up. The body language in these situations can become very potent as the desires of
each party becomes more evident. Your office staff knows which seats are most coveted!
Leaders also get permission to move through doorways first and walk in front of groups instead of
follow, and it is customary to allow them to do so. The exception, as always, comes when we wish to
usurp their position, challenge their authority, or try to build equality where we might trade dominance
rights back and forth.
Placing objects such as jackets and brief cases on a seat can hold it and delineate temporary ownership.
It is often easier and more polite to force an actual person to move than to move their unattended
personal items to usurp their space. Anyone who has spent anytime at a laundry mat knows how
piercing the stares and looks can be when you remove clothing from an un-attended dryer. Break-andenter-victims
complain most, not about being robbed of their possessions, but rather about feeling of
violation. It is unnerving to have had someone enter their personal space and hence territory without
their permission. Territoriality is a big part of the human repertoire. We rarely think about ownership of
people, but placing an arm over someone, playfully messing up their hair or guiding them to where we
want them to go by placing a hand to their back, as a parent would his child, are just a few ways that
we show others that we own and control them.
Bragging is an appropriate word that describes dominant behaviour in the same context with
ownership. Dominance is also not the same as confidence. Dominance just means that someone has
specific ideas about how they should be treated whereas confidence is a state of mind where a person
remains unshaken emotionally despite what happens externally. Therefore, dominant people can still
harbour insecurities about themselves which is evident through ownership because they will spend a lot
of time talking about, or drawing attention to their stuff. Naturally, this sort of thing happens
subconsciously, or even out of habit. Touching or fondling an expensive watch or piece of jewelry, or
going out of their way to be seen in an expensive car are just two examples of flaunting. Truly
confident people have no need to show-off to others, their achievements are grand enough to speak for
themselves and their earned success emanates from them through their nonverbal behaviour. There’s a
fine line between being cocky or arrogant and having to flaunt it in a way that others will find
offensive, and being confident, which is exuded seemingly naturally of which people find magnetic.
Confidence is one of those things that we all know it when we see it. Dominance that is justified by
accomplishments is certainly more tolerable, and with the addition of compassion and empathy, can
make all the difference in people’s acceptance of other’s dominance and the behaviour that follows.
Dominance is also expressed through claiming stake to valuable items, or the prevention of touching
certain things, or even occupying certain space. Preventing others from doing things, even at random is
a luxury afforded to, and by, powerful people. Even when seating is unassigned we often see the same
people day-after-day sitting in the same seats. This may have to do with maintain peace when it
happens on a first come first served basis, but when there is a shortage of quality positions, as there
most often is, we expect to see more dominant players jockey for more highly desirable areas. This is
exactly what does happen and because we live in a capitalist society, it happens everywhere and often.
Those higher in the ranks will have the best parking spots and the biggest offices, with the best view.
Thwarting dominance by ownership is fairly simple but also a possibly caustic affair. It can be done by
stealing a seat which will be seen as an invasion of territory, it could include getting into their personal

space, leaning on their cars, putting feet on their furniture or desk or being overly-friendly with them.
Being intimate with someone they are close to, such as a current or past romantic partner, or as in a
father-daughter relationship, his daughter, are all ways to fight dominance head on! Obviously, you
must be careful what you choose, as head-to-head dominance struggles are the beginnings of war!
When there is an imbalance of power between dominant people, one party will quickly succeed to the
other, but when two parties are evenly match, or believe that they are, the struggle can draw out
indefinitely producing emotional of even physical injury. So instead of antagonizing your dominant
counterparts, instead work on building your own dominance independently of their through confident
body language, examples of which are peppered throughout this book!
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Dominance By Setting And Breaking Social
Rules
Rules are always created by, and then in turn, broken by dominant individuals! Dominant individuals
are the rule makers, not the rule followers. It’s sad but true, that police officers enjoy greater luxuries
than regular citizens. Just ask any policemen what they do if the get pulled over for speeding. Do you
really think they get a ticket? I won’t get into absolutes here, but I do personally know two officers who
have explained to me that a flash of the badge gets them off every time. I would expect this to be the
norm, not the exception, but there is no empirical way to be certain.
This sort of logic all starts at home, as parents make and break their own rules routinely. Is it any
surprise that whinny children have whinny parents? Even small children can readily pick-out these
injustices, but since they are still highly dependent on their parents to feed, house and cloth them, they,
put up only a small amount of resistance. As children reach their teenage years, these inconsistencies
are tolerated less and less by them as they tend to set their own course. They are separating themselves
from their parents and taking on their own dominance characteristics, naturally, controlling inconsistent
parents see this as disrespect.
This isn’t unlike what happens when dominant people meet as adults. Dominant people will often
interrupt others or speak over them, casually swear in the wrong company and generally act
inappropriately without fear of consequence. Dominance can also take the form of belittling and
criticizing others, and holding thoughts such as “I’m more important then you”. It can also include
ridiculing others and their possessions, such as their cars or occupations.
Touching also has rules which can be broken in order to set others in their place. A pat on the back can
be disingenuous when used in certain context, whereas a light punch on the shoulder can be uplifting to
a buddy. Punching can be annoying if done repeatedly to exercise control. There is a pretty clear line
between being dominant in a good way versus being belligerent.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Dominance By Setting And Breaking Social
Rules
Rules are always created by, and then in turn, broken by dominant individuals! Dominant individuals
are the rule makers, not the rule followers. It’s sad but true, that police officers enjoy greater luxuries
than regular citizens. Just ask any policemen what they do if the get pulled over for speeding. Do you
really think they get a ticket? I won’t get into absolutes here, but I do personally know two officers who
have explained to me that a flash of the badge gets them off every time. I would expect this to be the
norm, not the exception, but there is no empirical way to be certain.
This sort of logic all starts at home, as parents make and break their own rules routinely. Is it any
surprise that whinny children have whinny parents? Even small children can readily pick-out these
injustices, but since they are still highly dependent on their parents to feed, house and cloth them, they,
put up only a small amount of resistance. As children reach their teenage years, these inconsistencies
are tolerated less and less by them as they tend to set their own course. They are separating themselves
from their parents and taking on their own dominance characteristics, naturally, controlling inconsistent
parents see this as disrespect.
This isn’t unlike what happens when dominant people meet as adults. Dominant people will often
interrupt others or speak over them, casually swear in the wrong company and generally act
inappropriately without fear of consequence. Dominance can also take the form of belittling and
criticizing others, and holding thoughts such as “I’m more important then you”. It can also include
ridiculing others and their possessions, such as their cars or occupations.
Touching also has rules which can be broken in order to set others in their place. A pat on the back can
be disingenuous when used in certain context, whereas a light punch on the shoulder can be uplifting to
a buddy. Punching can be annoying if done repeatedly to exercise control. There is a pretty clear line
between being dominant in a good way versus being belligerent.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Dominant Control Their Faces
Extremely dominant individuals will smile far less then subordinate people because their disposition
requires them to do so. They don’t want to appear emotional, because emotions stem from feelings and
dominant people have none! Of course this isn’t entirely true, they do show emotions, but the emotions
they do disclose via facial expressions are limited and usually meant to show that they are reserved and
in control.
Dominant people will use disapproving frowns, snarls or pursed lips. They might squint while in
conversation, or avoid eye contact altogether, or even hold prolonged unblinking eye contact.
Dominant people can also hold a blink for longer periods of time as if to temporarily shut the world
out. To disarm this “extended blinker” try moving one step to the side while they are in mid blink. It is
sure to freak them out!
To summarize, being social isn’t a huge priority to a dominant person, they are more concerned with
maintain control of others around them instead of trying to make friends or maintain strong emotional

onds. Dominant people figure that whatever socialization is will find them so they won’t go looking
for it. Obviously, in business and in life certain characteristics held by dominant people are important,
but extremities in any facet is nearly always counterproductive. Showing confidence by holding eye
contact is important, but maintaining too much eye contact such as what an extremely dominant person
might do, such that it sends shivers down the spine, sends the reverse message. It can negate the
existence of others as people, turning them into objects, and seem to cut through them.
Ways of responding to dominance is by using more open body language to disarm them. Cutting
through their rigidity with jokes and light hearted humour is another great way to put them into a good
mood and break their serious attitude. When trying to break dominant people it is important to avoid
submitting from the start, instead try to build an equal footing to foster their respect. You can try to outstare
them by looking at the bridge of their nose instead of their eyes, which can really unsettle them.
However, fighting fire with fire in this manner is risky, at best, and requires one to put on a possibly
uncomfortable show. The safest alternative is to just ignore their negativity and play yourself up as
even more friendly trying to find common interests to help build rapport.
Breaking down touch barriers can also help, but again, this is risky. Touching breaks shields down and
the most dominant of people will be taken aback unless the touching is warranted and tactfully
executed. When you touch a dog, be prepared for the bark!
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Touching Between And Amongst The Sexes
Touching influences how we feel about people.
Studies show that touching between men, especially in the workplace, is usually related to power plays
and social jostling. An employer will place his hand on the shoulder or back of an employee to reaffirm
his status while offering encouragement. Such displays are inappropriate in reverse and wouldn’t
usually be tolerated. If touching is well received though, it indicates that strong rapport is being built
between the ranks and a promotion might be forthcoming. Men can use touch, as a means to raise their

status by initiating it against men of slightly higher status than them. If done tactfully, it can create a
leveling effect and force them to reevaluate the rank they have attributed to you. If touching is done
incorrectly, it will catch high status individuals off guard producing a negative effect that can be
difficult or impossible to correct. Men, overall, rate touching less positively as a rule when compared to
women, so touching initiated against men should be sparse.
Touching between men and women often outlines sexual interest and when women touch each other, it
is often done out of friendship or to extend sympathy or formulate bonds. Family members also use
touching such as hugs and kisses to display affection. Touching comforts are different from person to
person and also of different cultures. The kiss hello for example is commonplace in Switzerland,
Southern Europe, Latin America and the Mediterranean. It is uncommon in North America, Asia and
some of Northern and Western Europe. Localized kiss hellos happens in Miami and Quebec for
example and even in regional neighbourhoods such as with Italian or Hispanics. As far as hand holding
goes, it is commonplace in the Middle East to symbolize friendship and respect when done between
adult men. Even President George Bush was spotted holding Saudi’s crown Prince Abdullah’s hand
which scored points with the locals, but became water cooler material for people in the U.S.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Touching To Get What You Want.
Touching is a primitive grooming gesture.
A study by Chris Keinke in 1980 revealed that touch can influence compliance with a request. In the
study, an experimenter left a dime in a phone booth in a Boston airport. As the subjects emerged from
the airport the experimenter asked for the return of their dime. It was found that compliance was more
frequent when the request was accompanied by a light touch on the arm. A similar study in 1982 by
Joel Brockner and colleagues showed comparable findings but specify that only sixty three percent of
the non-touched returned the dime, whereas ninety six percent of those that were touched returned the
dime.

Further research shows that justification that accompanying a light touch also helps in compliance.
Therefore, we can add to the effectiveness of touching by briefly outlining our reasoning. It might go
something like “I’ve left a dime here, and I really need it to make an important phone call.” followed
by a light touch of the arm or forearm “Have you seen it”. This approach would have the most
significant results. Other studies show similar results when people are asked to sign a petition or in a
super market when asked to sample a new product. In the study, half of the shoppers were briefly
touched, while the other half was not. The results show that, not only were people more likely to test
the food, but they were also more likely to buy the product as well. Touching customers in a store also
resulted in increased shopping time and more positive evaluation of the store. Patrons of taverns in the
U.S. who were touched spent more time drinking and also consumed more alcohol then patrons that
were not touched by the staff. In reference to tipping behaviour, touch was also a factor. Patrons that
were touched by the waiter or waitress were far more likely to tip and to also tip higher. It seems that
slight touching of a stranger on the upper arm has a very powerful affect on cooperation. The effects of
touch has been widely studied and the influence it has on behaviour and requests are conclusive,
touching really can help you get what you want from others.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Touching Heals Us Both
A warm embrace makes our body release positive hormones.
According to the research, healing happens just by holding hands and hugging. Men and women can

oth be made more healthy just by sharing touch. In a study by Dr. James Coan, a researcher from the
University of Virginia who measured the response of men warned of an electric shock as they were
placed in a MRI machine showed that holding the hand of a spouse actually helped them turn off part
of the brain so they felt less distress. The handholding reduced agitation in the hypothalamus which is
responsible for producing stress hormones. Over time, stress hormones can weaken the immune system
and lead to sickness.
For women, a long and affectionate hug from men releases the bonding hormone oxytocin which helps
reduce blood pressure and helps the health of the heart. Men, try this for yourself. The next time your
wife or girlfriend start into you, give her a long embrace. At first she will squirm and appear to suffer,
but after a few seconds she will begin to accept the hug and her brain will release oxytocin. Soon, she
will forget her reasons for feeling so upset. It’s a dirty trick, but very effective, and your wife might
even thank (me)!
For men however, snuggling is slightly (a lot) less powerful, and where hugs leave off, sex takes over.
For men, oxytocin surges up to fives times that of normal immediately before he reaches orgasm. In a
study at Queen’s University in Belfast on nearly one thousand middle aged men followed over a
decade, it was found that men who had sex at least three times a week had a fifty percent reduction in
risk of heart attack or stroke. Those who reported the most frequent orgasms had a death rate of oneand-a-half
less then less sexually active men. So for both sexes touch can be very effective for the
health, although the currency of touch differs significantly amongst the sexes. Of course, there’s really
no reason a good long hug can’t turn into something much more!
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
The Power Of The Pause
Using fillers such as “umms” and “ahhhs” or “You know what I’m talking about.” weaken speech. The
simple solution is to inject more pauses. Instead of filling your language with junk, punctuating the
point with a pause can be so much more effective. The mind can only work so fast and a tongue stuck
in overdrive can lead to disaster. Our perception of time also changes while under pressure. As our
heart races, four to fives seconds can feel like an eternity! For some, even speaking to a small group of
three or four can seem like a large audience, applying even more pressure. However, pauses in speech
can increase our credibility significantly as people are given more time to process the information we
have given them.
The best speakers know that they won’t be cut off and this lack of fear (if this is the reason for the filler
sounds) is notably absent. Filling the silence with words indicates to others that you are tentative,
unsure and less dominant and in control. The only function filler words serve, is to dilute the words we
do say, and make the entire collection of words less powerful. Don’t be afraid to leave an audience with
silence as you collect your thoughts. Be sure to take time to breath, and therefore think, and use
dialogue in short bursts followed by pauses and reflection. Alpha men and women are never afraid of
silence, it is their ally and speaking at a half rate is not a terrible strategy either. It gives them twice as
much time to think and also builds a huge amount of credibility.
Listening to someone who uses good speech rate, tone, and pitch, on the other hand, can be inspiring.
Politicians are especially adept at the pause. Senator Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic race used
pause more effectively than any other U.S. presidential candidate in recent time. His speech so much
resembled a priest addressing his congregation, that it was startling and even frightening. He paused
frequently to allow the crowd to cheer or stir beckoning for more.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Speed Of Speech
If you have ever critically examined a politician speak you have noticed how slowly and deliberately
they work. In his bid for candidacy in 2008, Barack Obama used some of the most eloquent speech
patterns of anyone in recent times. He spoke very slowly and used pauses often to show his dominance.
He wasn’t afraid to pause and leave his audience wanting which made his presence much more
powerful and placed much more emphasis on the fewer words he used. People that are awkward will
speak much more quickly and rush their thoughts. Very few speakers can think as fast as their mouth
can run. Inevitably speed talkers end up chucking a foot in their mouth on their way to the finish line.
Use words more sparingly and choose your words more carefully. When listening, note the speed with
which people speak to effectively measure their perceived or real level of dominance.
Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Tonality And Voice Depth
The differences between the sexes is huge when it comes to our voices. Women’s voices are nearly
twice as high pitched as men’s so with only rare exceptions, we all know which sex is speaking even
without seeing them. The term “pitch” is defined as the voices “highness” or “lowness” of the voice
which is affected by the natural body chemical androgen. Androgen is the male sex hormone which is
also tied to physical prowess and aggressiveness and also loosely tied to a competitor’s health and
vigor.
In 2005 Anthropologist David Puts used voice recordings of men to study the relationship between the
tone of the voice and men’s attractiveness. He was able to increase and decrease the pitch of the voices
using computer software to make the recording more or less dominant. Puts found that low-pitched
masculine voices increased ratings of men’s physical and social dominance. He also found that men
who felt they were more dominant than their competitors tended to lower their voices when speaking
with them. Additionally, men who had deeper voices also reported having had more sexual partners
over the year previous to the study. Naturally, women have also been shown to prefer men with lower
pitched voices for short-term sexual relationships. Voice pitch can also help men rise in social
dominance. For men, this means plenty. It means that lowering the voice can lead to a better
attractiveness rating in the eye of women and can also be used as a tool to build dominance and
leadership.
The pitch of the human voice also varies with emotional state. Even actors are able to portray different
feelings based on their voice. You can imagine a father with his baby where he draws out his voice and
makes it more like mom so he can grab his infants attention. Women can also lower their voices to be
more like dad to scorn their children or conversely screech at them when they are really upset. The
tendency to raise the pitch of the voice at the end of each sentence to make all statements seem like
questions, is a bad habit adopted frequently by young women. If carried into adulthood, it can be
disastrous in a business context. People read this inflection as a signal of insecurity and believe that you
are unsure about what you are saying. In a business context, it is always best to be direct and act with
conviction.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures
Summary – Chapter 8
This chapter was focused on dominant and submissive gestures and how they can be used to reach
specific goals depending on the situation. One of those goals was conflict avoidance by reducing body
size. We found that melting into the background by “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward,
pulling the shoulders down and rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or
knees closer together can help to send a non-threatening signal and calm an attacker. Next we looked at
how height relates to dominance and spelled out tactics to put ourselves at an advantage be it by taking
up a seated position (to level ourselves) or taking to an elevated stage or position. We saw in this
chapter that relaxed body language signals ownership and confidence so we should look for a lack of
muscle tension, freely moving hands, feet and torso, along with open body postures, to read which
people are most confident.
We also found that the head signals nonverbally, for example, the headshake signals a negative thought,
whereas the head nod can mean agreement such as in the west or can mean submission or even that a
speaker is being heard in Japan, head down represents judgment or a negative thought when
accompanied by similar cues in cluster, head tilted shows interest and head back means disapproval.
We discovered that dominant positions are generally also considered open postures and submissive
postures are also usually considered closed postures. This theory allowed us to conclude that the chair
straddler was both opened and therefore dominant, but also cowardly because the back of the chair
formed a barrier from where he or she might throw figurative arrows or spears. We found that legs
spread is a dominant gesture and of degree; the greater the spread the more dominant and at some point
outright offensive, as in the case of having the leg over the arm of a chair. The full body steeple where
both hands are up and behind the head while seated with or without the figure-four leg cross is both
confident and dominant, but also depicts a relaxed disposition. We covered that titling backwards in the
chair is dominant and casual, having the hands on hips is to imitate a peacock and appear larger and
more attractive dominant or in charge, and that the cowboy pose with thumbs in belt loops popularized
by old western’s is macho. We learned that the military man who exposes his torso with his hands,
palm in palm to his back delineates power.
We then covered the importance of thumbs and how they show importance and superiority, how fences
make great neighbours, and methods we display ownership one of which is by breaking social rules or
via body language through control of facial expressions. We found that touching between men
symbolizes power plays and social jostling, but between men and women, usually signifies sexual
interest and that light touching helps gain compliance even from strangers. We also outlined why we
should avoid filling our language with junk instead of simply punctuating a point, how talking fast
makes us appear insecure or nervous unlike Barack Obama and how low-pitched masculine voices
increased ratings of men’s physical and social dominance.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Introduction – Chapter 9
I think she has choice words for you.
In this chapter we will cover defensive and aggressive body language. By examining them together we

can link them in our minds, yet keep them distinctive since they are near opposites. We use defensive
body language to figuratively protect ourselves against aggression, which isn’t always physical either.
In fact, the vast majority of the body language we will see, and appropriately label defensive, is that
which stems from emotional roots. After all, our evolution selected defensive body language came
about under primarily physical circumstances. Being yelled at, or scolded by a superior or rival, is
similar in a visceral sense to physical abuse. Any emotionally abused victim will tell you that the
suffering they experienced, is equally, if not more sever than that experienced by those physically
abused. In most cases threats in our daily lives come in much milder forms, such as high pressure sales,
a heated discussion, or a disagreement.
Defensive body language is a set of postures that make the body feel protected, secure and comfortable
in awkward situations. Defensive body language is also similar to submissive body language in that the
postures are aimed at protecting vulnerable parts of our bodies, or in size reduction turning our bodies
into smaller targets.
Aggressive body language is nearly the mirror opposite. Here the body prepares for a real or figurative
attack as it becomes loose or tenses up and tries to appear larger and more threatening. Aggressive body
language can happen by clenching the fists, finger pointing or flared nostrils more technically termed
“nasal wing dilation”, and much more as we will see. Aggressive body language is simple to read and
classify because we instinctively find them to be a salient part of our lives. In fact, it is hard to go
through life without properly identifying aggressive body language. By missing cues to aggression,
even just once, it leads to disastrous conclusions which we naturally learn in short order how to avoid.
Defensive body language, on the other hand, because it is less of a threat, can easily be mistaken for
regular actions in a persons repertoire and be ignored. This is why we cover defensive body language in
much greater detail.
This chapter will cover defensive body language such as the double arm hug, partial arm cross, arm
gripping, fist clenching, the use of “security blankets” for comfort, using stiff arms, how barriers are
used to reduce angles of attack, how barriers like books and headphones can be used to our advantage,
in addition to others. We will then cover aggressive body language and signals of aggression such as
the unblinking eyes and personal space invaders.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Double Arm Hug
She might be cold, or she might want to feel protected.

Hugging one’s self is a defensive and closed body position. Those who take up this posture invariably
exclaim that they are cold, which is sometimes the case, but usually the cold sensation is a function of
feeling awkward and uptight. When temperature is actually a factor, the arms will cross and the hands
will be tucked under the armpits in effort to heat them up. Other times, the arms will hug the body
tightly in a full embrace but they will shiver and hold their legs stiff crossing them tightly as if they
need to use the washroom. If these cues are not present, and we still see a double arm hug it’s due to
feeling uncomfortable and not feeling cold. By watching for all the cues in the cluster it is easy to tell
which attitude is really present.
Those that habitually cross their arms are usually not aware that they are sending a bad message to
others. However, arm crossing is a universally defensive posture so it is important to be aware of its
use. In a business meeting or in a job interview holding the double arm hug posture will be read by
others as being disagreeable even if the person really is cold. This effect might pass over if other’s feel
the same chill, but when only one person in the room is seen looking uncomfortable, they will sense
that something is up, even if just subconsciously. Those that are timid and shy by nature can also get
the short end of the stick as others will quickly dismiss them as rude or antisocial.
When someone complains of feeling cold where the room temperature doesn’t warrant it, is a direct
response to a limbic brain command that shunts blood from the skin toward the major muscles in
preparation for the fight or flight response. The large muscles like the legs and arm need blood in order
to prepare for combat and escape. This is largely in effect when people seem to go pale when under
extreme stress and why others lose their apatite when under pressure. Again the blood moves away
from the intestines toward the major muscles producing a cold sensation on the surface of the skin as
blood moves deeper.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Partial Arm Cross
One variation of the partial arm cross.
This is a typically female posture and happens by holding reaching across the body to grab the opposite

elbow in the hand while that arm is left vertically dangling to the side.
A variation of the posture happens by reaching across the body and grab the opposite shoulder rather
than the opposite arm. While the double arm huge is a defensive postures, the partial arm cross is a
subtle posture that indicates fear, timidity, shyness and lack of self confidence. Both are barrier type
postures which protect the core of the body like a shield to signals to others that we don’t wish for them
to come close. The origins of the partial arm cross likely stems from the comfort felt by a child who’s
hand was held or who’s shoulder was grasped by a parent, when in novel situations.
The posture feels natural and comfortable when in fearful situations because it provides the sensation
of being hugged and protected, like having our hand held. It might have a childhood throwback when
our parents scooped us up when visiting unfamiliar houses, distant relatives to help sooth us over our
fears. While men can be seen to perform this posture, it is much more rare, likely due to their broader
shoulders. Men will instead take up the fig leaf position by holding their hand-in-hand to cover their
most coveted assets, their genitals.
We see the posture when people meet for the first time, when being singled out of a crowd or any other
stressful situation that causes fear. Sometimes this posture is by default as it is with particularly shy
individuals who take some time to warm up to other people. To reduce this posture in others and help
them ease up, use more submissive body language and tone down dominant language. You might also
experiment with acting timid yourself which will help quickly build rapport. It is nearly universal that
people feel most confident surrounded by people who similarly match our own self-esteem and
ideologies.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Arm Gripping
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Arm gripping is a sign that someone feel insecure.
Arm gripping is an arm crossed posture whereby each arm grabs the arm opposite. The hidden meaning
it indicates is tension, discomfort, anger or anxiety. This posture shows both negativity and restraint,
meaning that a person is fully expecting to face a bad outcome and won’t relax until that news comes
and at the same time are holding themselves back from truly expressing their feelings or lashing out.
The arms grip each other so they won’t do something regretful. Those waiting for bad news, such as the
results from a medical test, or the outcome of risky surgery on a loved one, will carry themselves in this
way. Other times it happens as one waits for stressful events or appointments to commence such as
seeing the dentist.
It is similar to other forms of self-hugging as it protects the body from exposure and provides comfort,
but is also an extreme form of energy is displacement. The physical act of squeezing the arms, even to
the point that circulation is cut off from the knuckles making them appear white, is a rudimentary form
of mental therapy. Just like some people will run, exercise or do yoga, others will throw and break
things to blow off steam. Self inflicted pain, such as arm gripping is no different, it just provides an
easy, less destructive method to release nervous energy in measured quantities. Arm gripping isn’t
always extreme and violent as sometimes it can go completely unnoticed and appear as simple arm
crossing. What gives it away is that the hands wrap around the arms instead of resting on one side and
tucked under the other.

Uncategorized
Fist And Arms Clenched
Fist clenching can be subtle and show hidden insecurity and hostility.
Holding the fists clenched and holding a full arm cross shows hostility, defensiveness and also

eadiness to attack. It can also be accompanied by a red face, clenched teeth, lowered eyebrows, a
forward thrust of the lips or an angry expression. These accompanying signals show that physical
aggression is imminent and likely, and ignoring them can be a huge mistake. Part of the reason we have
aggression signals at all is to avoid risky physical confrontations. Our minds are hardwired to avoid
possibly deadly or damaging situations. The signals are our way to warn others, or be warned by others,
that we are nearing our threshold. All people are capable of lashing out with force if provided with the
proper stimulus, any mother will agree.
In business and other context were violence is strictly forbidden we see an abbreviation of the hostile
cues listed above. Here we see a more subtly form with the fists clenched tightly and the arms folded
across the chest, usually while seated. Other times the dominant hand will make a fist with the other
hand clasping the wrist. This is a mental way for the person to figuratively ‘hold themselves back.’
When we lack the right to express ourselves to our satisfaction, we hold back our negativity. Social
norms and customs prevent us from expressing our true emotions whenever we desire.
Fist clenching happens very naturally and subconsciously; a slip of the hand so to speak. Women can
even be seen doing this while being verbally berated by a partner. President Nixon was videotaped
intensely balling his fist such that his knuckles turned white during a press conference called to discuss
what was supposed to be a temporary incursion into Cambodia. The rest of his body was confident and
his voice was smooth, yet his hands gave his restraint and dishonesty away. Of course, holding a tight
fist does not necessarily mean they intent to strike out, rather it shows just the opposite – that their
minds are dealing with a dilemma, of which social norms prevent physical resolutions. So very rarely
are we allowed to fully express our emotions. In fact, one of the most important lessons we learn early
in life is self control and this is exactly what happens when the fist is balled, clenched, but resists
striking. We learn very early on that it’s not acceptable to throw fits and tantrums so we do the next best
thing – we get very close to striking, but stop at the last second.
Whenever you are privy to clenching body language your first inclination should be to diffusing the
situation. You might start by slowing down speech or stopping it altogether to allow the situation to
simmer rather than continue boiling. You should then use open body language with palm up gestures to
show honesty. Next, add submissive postures, head down, shoulders slumped and a reduction in body
size. Your goal is to show that you are not interested in confrontation. You might even consider
succeeding to their point of view, even just temporarily to allow them to take a saner headspace. In
many cases it will be impossible to recover from this position successfully depending on what level of
negativity is present. It’s always best to reduce tension early on before it gets out of control.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
The Security Blanket
Playing with a sleeve of cufflink is a leaked gesture because it replaces a full arm cross but still
provides the feeling of comfort.
As we get older we are taught that certain behaviours and habits are unacceptable. Carrying a security
blanket, for example, while acceptable as a toddler is unbecoming in grade school so it is weaned.
Perhaps as a by-product of our recent, in evolutionary terms at least, bipedalism, we’ve failed to fully
adjust methods of keep our hands busy. Bipedalimsm is the term used to describe walking on two feet
which is rare in the animal kingdom. When under pressure, our hands and arms are the first to feel out
of place and give away our awkwardness. Even those that spend a lot of time in front of large audiences
can still be found with “security blankets”, as it were whose purpose is to keep busy our free
appendages.
The cuff link is a common choice for men attending formal affairs because it gives their hands a use
instead of dangling awkwardly as they walk. Next time you see a televised awards show watch
carefully as a presenter or an award winner make his way up to the stage, he just might show his
awkwardness by fingering his cufflink. Reaching across the body in this way is also an abbreviated arm
cross since the hands come out in front of the body forming a barrier, in this case a loose loop.

A purse can be used as a shield to protect the torso. If you want to know how she really feels about you,
just measure much she trusts you around her purse.
This type of body language is defined as ‘leaked’ because consciously the person is trying to prevent it
from happening, but their conscious mind is only successful at blocking a more obvious gesture by
replacing it with one that is slightly less pronounced. The gestures are also considered “masked arm
crosses” because they create a barrier-effect protecting the body, but aren’t full blow arm crosses. Other
forms of gestures that fall in the same family include holding or clutching a bag, checking the contents

of a bag or briefcase where the arms must cross the body, playing with a bracelet, watch or shirt button
and holding a drink with both hands. Any sort of motion that allows one hand or arm to cross the center
of the body, or where a crutch object is sought that otherwise serves little or no appropriate purpose,
qualifies as a security blanket. To those aware of the cue, it is a very easy ‘tell’ to catch, because there
really is no purpose for the behaviour aside from tension relief.
What to know if a women trust you? See how she reacts around her handbag! The handbag is a very
personal item for women and she uses it as an item of security. When nervous or out of place, she can
dive into her bag and checks its contents so as to symbolically connects her to the comforts of home
and exempt her from outside interruptions. In other words, while she checks her back, she’s busy, don’t
bother her! Handbags give women something to grasp onto and hold especially if they feel particularly
self-conscious or insecure and will feel naked without it. On the other hand, if she allows the handbag
contents to be viewed by a potential male suitor, or trusts him to guard it, you can bet that she is willing
to explore a relationship. Women are personally connected to their handbags!
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
The Stiff Or Curved Arm
The stiff arm is an obvious signal that approach is unwelcome as it forms a solid barrier around our
personal space zone.
A more obvious defensive posture is the stiff arm which happens by thrusting the arm forward and
away from the body with the palm face vertical in a “stop” type signal. Another defensive posture is the
curved arm, a variation of the stiff arm, where the arm is bent and locked at the elbow and thrust
outward facing down or horizontally. As a cluster, the stiff arm and curved arm is accompanied by a
step backwards to reclaim stolen space, which is the true intention of the stiff arm. Both postures are
called “arm-distancing” tactics because the arms are used to control space. When we say “Keeping
people at arms length” this is the body language we refer to. The curved arm also creates a closed body
position since the arm crosses over the middle of the body. At times, the arm fails to come up any

higher than a few inches, or the hand might flip upwards slightly while being held at waist level,
however, the message is the same. As the intensity of the approach increases, the hand and arm will rise
even further and a person will shift their weight backwards.
Football running backs use the stiff and curved arm to provide a space buffer in order to fend off
tackles by keeping the arms of defenders away from their bodies. The space created next to the body, to
the inside of the elbow in the curved arm, is reserved so that no one can enter. The curved and stiff arm
both serve to deflect a possible attack away from the body or when navigating crowded areas such as
airports, amusement parks or nightclubs. Women can also be found doing this too, especially when men
get too close for comfort. The signal is a strong indicator that personal space is being violated and the
carrier of the message does not want someone to come even an inch closer. Men in dating situations
should be particularly aware of this body language and treat it appropriately, back up, and give some
space.
Other times, the stiff or curved arm is used to thwart closeness that is not necessarily due to physical
threat. Sometimes we keep our arms out just to keep people we don’t like from getting too close. The
arms can also indicate how much someone likes or dislikes someone by their proximity to other people.
When someone is particularly turned off by someone else they will keep their arms away from them inso-much
as their bodies can maintain enough personal space and don’t need to be thrown in harms way,
so to speak, to serve as stiff arms.
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Objects As Barriers
The chair is employed to maintain distance.
How the environment is used by people can provide clues to their inner thoughts and emotions. For
example, propping up against the wall indicates that the person is in need of support (or is really tired)
which shows that they are incapable of comfort without the assistance the structure affords. Hiding a

portion of the body behind a desk also indicates insecurity and we rarely invite commerce onto
ourselves without placing a desk between us and our clients because we require the security it provides.
Imagine what it would be like to meeting face-to-face in an empty room. Desks and tables are more
than just places to store notes! The “employee’s line” by which customers are forbidden to cross in
retail stores has more to do with privacy, power and territoriality than security. What would happen if
retailers could freely move into storage rooms and behind the counter, what about enter the kitchen at a
dinner? The formalities of the establishment would drop significantly and it would be like being at
home, free of boundaries.

The chair is a prop used to shield the body from “attack.”
Even podiums creates a much needed refuge, a place of security for presenters where the self conscious
can be partially out of sight, or even dodge flying tomatoes! Only those that are supremely confident or
experienced in front of others will ignore the podium and instead immerse themselves into the embrace
of the crowd. Women who wish to quell an advance by men can steer them away by turning a cold
shoulder, a barrier, or if possible, moving to the backside of a chair which can be used as a shield.
When nervous around women, on the other hand, men can use bar tops to prop up against to protect

them from rejection. As you see, objects are sometimes used as crutches and at the same time indicated
to us as body language readers that a person is uncomfortable standing by themselves. In other words,
it tells us that they are worried that they might suffer an emotional attack so they limit their exposure.
People can use chairs, lean against a bar as discussed, a beam, a table, or might simply use objects like
mugs or cups, or even pens and utensils which can figuratively represent make-shift weapons.
Obviously pens would never be drawn, so to speak, as a weapon, but they still offer a psychologically
comforting mechanism.
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
How To Use Barriers To Your Advantage
Objects can be erected to deflect emotional attacks.
My wife frequently uses headphones in public places to avoid talking to strangers even if she isn’t
playing music into them. If strangers come up to her, she points to her headphones as if to say that she
can’t hear them. If she was really interested in a conversation, or minding other people’s business, she
could remove them, but her point is that she isn’t. Headphones are therefore a strong message of
introversion of which we wish not to be bothered. If a person strongly insists on interacting with her,
she takes a long time to remove her headphones and accompanies it with irritated body language. She
might even only partially listen to the person who has infringed on her privacy, although this is an
advanced technique, before placing the headphones back on.
Now you might think that she’s being rude, but this is far from the case. She, like you, and everyone
else, has the right to refuse to speak to whomever we please. We each owe no service to anyone else,
especially interactions that were not mutually invited. Lack of eye contact in this case is a big factor in
the right to refuse to interact. Dark eye glasses can close people out even more successfully, because it
avoids accidental eye contact. Eye glasses make conversations shorter and less productive than one’s
that occur when the eyes are exposed. Obviously, if we wish to welcome and continue a conversation
or increase its effectiveness, we should promptly remove our sunglasses, even in really sunny

conditions, so we might benefit from mutual gaze. When your counterpart wears glasses too, you might
however, both agree to keep them on.
Barriers for negatively reasons are most common, but as in the peek-a-boo game that is played by men
and women, objects can be used to tease and arouse in courtship. This is the case with “eye hiding”,
which happens when a drinking glass, menu, or even people moving about a room temporarily put out
of vision our object of affection. It can also happen by slightly turning away, or lowering the eyes
coyly. Dropping the eyes out of sight or looking over the shoulder when done by women is particularly
seductive. The loss of sight sends us into spells of worry, but when they suddenly reappear it sends our
hearts races with relief. Small babies especially enjoy this game, sending them into giggle fits, and
adults play along happily. When adults play the game with each other, it is only slightly more
sophistication.
How one holds their arms while seated at a table can tell us the degree of acceptance or defensiveness
they have toward us or our views. For example, having the arms apart indicates general agreement,
having both arms parallel but uncrossed shows partial agreement, and having the arms folded on the
table indicates disagreement. In this case, arms are being used as barriers. We have covered ways to
break barriers and open those who show closed body language earlier. To reiterate though, we
concluded that while it’s possible to open someone by offering them objects such as a drink or reading
material to uncross their arms, it is usually best to openly address their concerns.
Improper use of barriers happen to all of us, because we aren’t totally aware or continuously conscious
of their hidden meaning. Take a social gathering for example, where nearly everyone will have drinks
and snacks on hand. How do we hold them while we stand, what about while we sit? While standing,
more times than not, our arms are cocked at ninety degrees keeping our arm parallel to the floor to keep
our drink upright preventing it from spilling. Unfortunately, this sends a bad message because it is a
partially closed body position since it creates a barrier that isolates our bodies from others. While
drinking alcohol can make people more social, having to hold the drink at the chest impedes our ability
to use our hands properly and expressively. If you absolutely must drink or you think it is required to fit
in with the crowed, then try holding your glass to your side so that you don’t block off the center-line
of your body. If a table or bar top is nearby, use it to store your drink and so free your hands to gesture
with palms up. While sitting at a table, feel free to put your drink to your flank so that you aren’t
talking over it, and your arm, the entire evening. For a lot of people, drinks are crutches, something to
hold on to, and as described earlier, are a form of security blanket. If you think you’re ready to “grow
up”, try standing free form instead of toting your drink around at your chest. It’s not as easy as it
sounds!
Objects as small as pens, but as large as books or newspapers, can be used to indicate division between
people and create space between them. Just like the beverage example however, using the pen to write
on a piece of paper by crossing the center-line of the body effectively closes it off. If no object is
present at all, the barrier can still be formed by leaning on the table with both forearms and putting
weight on them. This anchors and locks the barrier into the table. Although it is a closed message, it can
be diminished to a degree by leaning forward toward your company. Holding the pen out and away
from the body shows the opposite message. It is an indication that someone wishes to “extend” or offer
an idea to them, and they wish their idea would cross the center-line of the table and enter into the other
person’s ideology. The same sort of casual invasion of space, showing a desire to become connected,
happens anytime the center-line cut evenly between two people, is breached. This can happen with
reading material or business documents, hands in gesture, hands to touch, the sharing of food and of
course love letters.
Conversations in busy places can be shut off completely just by raising a book and beginning to read.
Sometimes this isn’t enough, so emphasis needs to be placed on it. We do this by peering rudely over

them with an off-putting face and then slowly raising the reading material again. Obviously, this
message is only rarely missed or ignored.
If you are the subject of unwanted blocking then begin by reviewing the pattern of communications that
has lead to this result. Have you come on too strong? Were your ideas overly political or religious?
Have you been too expressive or aggressive? Whatever the case, your best bet is to back-off and use
relaxed body language to diffuse whatever anger you might have created. Ease the tension by taking a
break and allowing your partner to have some emotional downtime. Try to devise a way to regain
common ground, even if it means changing the subject or leaving it entirely to start fresh another day.
Whatever you do, don’t bother trying to push your ideas forth too strongly, as they will simply be met
with increased resistance. Finally, not everyone who uses barriers do so because they dislike other’s
based on personal grounds, rather some just require more space and privacy, even in public.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Cues To Indicate Defense
She protects her mid-section with a fig leaf posture.
When children get scolded by parents they adopt very specific postures. They will bow their head,

avoid eye contact by looking up or to the side, and will hunch over making their bodies seem even
smaller. Reducing body size is a mechanism that turns off the aggression emotion in the mind of a
potential aggressor. As adults, we will adopt similar postures in addition to covering those areas we feel
are most likely to be attacked or are the most vulnerable. Our heads will come back and away if
aggression is strong, effectively putting distance between us and our attacker. We may also drop our
chins to protect us from a blow that might knock us out cold.
Fear or uncertainty which roughly falls into a defensive strategy was covered previously and happens
by crossing one ankle around the other. A variation on this is a clenched fist or tightly gripping the arms
of a chair which can indicate aggression and restraint. If we feel that an attack is imminent our bodies
may become tense or “wired” in effort to become ready to withstand an attack, or mount a counter
attack if necessary. We may also collapse downward to cover our throats if we think a swing is nearing
and when an attack commences, we cover our face and cower. If we think we can win or when escape
is impossible, we draw our fists up and usually swing randomly. Our knees will also come together to
protect our groin and our arms brought inward to the center of our body to protect other vital areas. The
eyes might also be flicked from side to side in effort to locate possible escape routes.
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Aggressive Body Language
The amygdala is in here somewhere!
Researchers have defied seven major classes of aggression: predatory, inter-male, fear, irritable,
maternal, instrumental (to obtain a goal) and territorial. The amygdala and the hypothalamus, two brain
centers, have been centered out as important motivators in aggressive situations. Thankfully, with the
potential for such conflict we are given tools in the form of body language that help us gauge
aggression in others in order to prevent us from serious injury or death. Since modern humans are
primarily vocal, we often ignore some of the cues signifying aggression, but these become very potent
as conflict escalates and our verbal language deteriorates to uncontrolled screaming and cussing.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Signs Of Aggression
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.
We’ve seen the hands-on-hips posture before but it resurfaces again in the aggression classification
because it is ready posture. In this case, the hands on hips, feet together at attention is accompanied by
leaning forward with the head and chin up, or out, and exposed. The hands-on-hips puffs the person out
making them seem larger and the feet spread at shoulder width increases stability putting them in a
fighting stance. Observations have shown us that ignoring the puffed out chest is to be done at one’s
own peril as it is a very strong indicator that a person is about to strike out in aggression. The classic
‘in-your-face’ type of posture indicates readiness for fight and isn’t to be confused with a business
ready posture. The accompanying clues which are discussed next, shows an intent to fight, but also
tension so there is overlap in fighting nonverbal language and that which stems from other negative
emotions such as displeasure, fear, anger, antipathy and disgust. Therefore it is the context, once again,
that will tell us the root source of the body language, be it fight or flight.
As aggression nears, our blood “boils” and rushes to the surface of the body making our faces and ears
turn red with anger. While blood doesn’t actually boil there is some truth to it. As our nervous system is
shifted in the “fight or flight” response our blood pressure increases through a faster heart rate
preparing us for action. Since our faces have a high concentration of capillaries and vessels, and the
vessels, especially in the cheeks are much wider in diameter than other areas of the body, coupled with
the thin skin in the face, permit the redness of the blood to show through in the characteristic
“flushing.” This anger reaction shouldn’t be confused with feeling embarrassed or the blushing we see
through exercise. The accompanying cues in cluster will tell us which emotional response we are
seeing.

Fists clenching is an early sign of aggression. It shows that the body is ready to fight – even if not
literally by punching someone.
During aggression we might see the arms show defensive postures by becoming crossed showing a
negative emotion, or dropped to the side and clenching. Fists clenching is an important cue to
aggression since it indicates the underlying thought process that one is nearing physical action. Other
cues in the cluster include finger pointing, overall tensing of the body or extreme body loosening to
ready for fighting, tightening of the jaw and lips (called “lip occlusion”), quivering in the lips,

frowning, furrowing, or lowering the eyebrows, dilated pupils, squinting of the eyes, crotch displays
such as legs open, sneering or flared nostrils.
The technical term for flared nostrils as mentioned before is “nasal wing dilation” and is of particular in
the fight and flight response because it tells us that someone is actively oxygenating their bodies in
preparation to do something important. Our bodies consume oxygen during work, and we can get our
bodies ready by loading up hemoglobin which is the carrier of the oxygen molecule, just in case it’s
needed for a condense bout of work. As people get ready to fight their chests can be seen rapidly
expanding and contracting as if panting. The body is essentially saying “We’ve probably got a problem
on our hands, time to load up on oxygen as we might need to fight or take flight!” Sometimes though,
nasal wing dilation is in response to doing anything physical at all, be it to move a heavy sofa or taking
to a flight of stairs. Other times, nostrils flare when aroused by a potential mate who is seeking to take
up an alluring scent laced with sexual pheromones. However, as mentioned this cue can be very
important in certain context as it may provide clues to potentially aggression. School aged children
should learn this nonverbal cue early on so as to diffuse aggression by bullies.

Nose flaring or “nasal wing dilation” signals displeasure and negative thoughts. Noses flare because
extra oxygen is being consumed to prepare for battle.
It might be counter-intuitive to think that opening the body up and keeping it loose, is a sign of
aggression, since it exposing the body to attack, but in this cue cluster, the posture challenges others to
attack. The limbs can seem to dangle from the body and the upper torso might begin to sway back and
forth, or bob, similar to what a boxer does seeking an angle to attack. Only in this case, it happens
much more discretely such that a surprise attack might be possible.

Conversely, the arms and body can become stiff and rigid as they prepare to defend whereas others will
visibly start shaking. As a last resort, aggressive individuals may begin expressing the same thoughts
over and over again to assert their position in effort to have their opponent back down. Under more
extreme cases, people fall back into more primitive displays of aggression such as banging fists against
a table, slamming doors, and even throwing objects. Figuratively, the message being advertised is that
the table, the door being slammed, or the chair being thrown, will soon be you!
As the person nears aggression they will begin to invade your personal space, sometimes even ‘headto-head’
and issue verbal challenges and might burst into nervous laughter even though nothing funny
has been said. The solution to aggression is to always back away and give the person as much space as
possible while showing defensive postures. Nearly all individuals will cease aggressive behaviour
given the proper cues and switches, while other times, the only avoidance to physical combat is the
flight response. In other words, run!

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
The Unblinking Eyes
Scary!
Research shows us that a steady stare of more than ten seconds creates anxiety and discomfort

especially in subordinates. When done on more dominant individuals it can lead to feelings of
aggression and in extreme cases, even physical altercations.
Holding eye contact for slightly longer than normal can send a powerful message. When looking at
strangers, it’s a common courtesy to look away when the eyes meet, at least after a few milliseconds
have elapsed. Staring is only permitted while looking at inanimate objects (and celebrities). By holding
an extended or even unblinking gaze toward strangers, we are telling them that we think of them no
more important than objects, a phenomenon celebrities know only too well. Naturally, eye contact and
staring means one thing to men, and something else entirely to women. When the sexes stare at each
other, it’s usually due to competitiveness or envy, as in, sizing up the competition and other times out of
pure curiousity. When the sexes stare at each other, it’s usually driven by sexual interest, however,
women are far less prone to staring in any case.
We covered proper eye gaze patterns in an earlier chapter and saw that the intimate gaze happens when
the eyes travel around the face and body of someone we care about. Staring, on the other hand, is
unmoving. The eyes are piercing and intense, unblinking, and seem to want to penetrate the eyes of
another. An aggressive stare is even more intense and happens by narrowing the eyelids creating a deep
focus. Second to the unblinking eyes is the “slow blink”. This one can be imagined, but must really be
seen to understand its true intensity. While a slow blink done with a tilt of the head can appear alluring
when done by an attractive woman, it does nothing to arouse positive emotions when done head on.
The slow blink is intensified by tilted the head forward revealing the crown, and especially intense
when the head is tilted backwards while looking down at an opponent “through” the bridge of the nose.
The final cue in the slow blink cue cluster is pursed lips and the cue cluster, as a whole, signals
disapproval and contempt.
You’ve probably never made conscious the universal “stare test” but it goes something like this. First
you use proper eye language cast around a busy room, perhaps a grocery store, horizontally focusing on
whatever is of interest. By accident, you make eye contact with someone and to show that you are no
threat, you quickly shift your eyes to the left or right and continue a normal eye pattern. If no “eye
flash” happens, as we saw earlier, we understand them to be a stranger. To make sure you haven’t been
targeted by eye assault, you return your gaze after a few moments to see if that person is still fixated on
you. If they are, you drop eye contact again, but then quickly look back. If eye contact is met again, this
will set you on alert, and so you begin a very minor fight or flight response by keeping your distance.
At a subconscious level you have identified a possibly dangerous individual.

This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.
We call the appropriate eye contact that doesn’t violate someone’s privacy the “moral looking time.”
This is the length of time gaze is permitted before creating anxiety through offensiveness and in
strangers is usually only one or two seconds. To be sure that you aren’t still being assaulted by someone
else you will usually repeatedly look in the direction of the person who caught your eyes several times,
and at random intervals. This is because we all subconsciously realize that the other person is
measuring the same threat in us, as we are in them. If their eyes are continuously met with yours, you
will show aggressive or “rude” facial expressions as a warning to cease eye contact. Women do this
type of expression best and we call them “dirty looks.” They are meant to indicate a desire to be left
alone, and that conversation and approaching is not welcome. Other times, women will know that
staring is taking place but will purposely avoid eye contact. Just because a dirty look hasn’t been given,
does not mean she hasn’t noticed, and does not mean that staring is welcomed. When eye contact is
avoided, and gaze pattern rules aren’t properly engaged, the intent of this message is the same, give
women space and don’t stare!

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Invasion Of Space
A violation of personal space is indicated by her withdrawal.
Most hostile interactions in our lifetime will fall short of physical conflict but that doesn’t mean
aggression was never present. We hold a buffer around our bodies at a premium and yet others still fail
to acknowledge this, and choose to move closer then we wish. Disrespecting someone’s personal space
is a form of aggression and dominant individuals routinely ignore personal space buffers, in fact, it’s
one of the ways they maintain their dominance! Invasion of personal space can even come from brief
touching or pats on the back, but also from more inappropriate touching such as jabs to the ribs with
fingers, pens, or worse yet, slaps to the buttocks! Sometimes space invades will gain unwanted
closeness by using friendly conversation, that we naturally read correctly as feigned.
Overstepping territorial boundaries is obvious to almost everyone because most have at least a
rudimentary ability to read body language. We can test proximity comfort levels by stepping only so
close as that which causes the next party to step or lean back. Leaning back carries the same weight, as
a message, as a full or partial step back, it is just more polite. We can use the step back technique to
send this message to space invaders, but it is often ineffective, as their intentions are usually intended
to yield such results. Stepping back, and then quickly placing an open palm on their wrist or arm, or
hovering a hand palm-vertical near the midline between you and them will serve to anchor them,
preventing further advances. Often, the only solution is to be outright with the invasion and call them
out. In this case, we should expect it to cause openly negative feelings which could strain a
relationship, so should be carefully considered.

Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Summary – Chapter 9
In this chapter we covered defensive and aggressive body language. We found that double arm hug or
arm crossing, partial arm crossing, arm gripping, fists and arm clenching, stiff or curved arms, or even
cufflinks can be used to signal defensiveness. We learned that objects are used to shield the insecure by
affording fewer angles of attack which is the case when we lean against a wall or bar top, hold a drink
near our face or against our chest, or hide behind a podium whilst presenting. We discovered that
headphones can be great tools for women who don’t want to be bothered, how pens, books, or
newspapers indicate division between people and how conversations can be ended or avoided simply
by raising a book. We found that other cues such as head bows, looking up to the side or through the
forehead, avoiding eye contact, seeking escape routes with darting eyes, or reduce body size among
others, show defensiveness.
On the other hand, we cut through defensiveness to study aggression which can include the in-yourface
posture characterized by the hands on hips, feet together at attention, leaning forward with the
head and chin up or out and exposed. We also saw that an aggressive person might get red in the face,
cross or drop their arms to the side and clench their fists, finger point, become tense overall, clamp
their jaw, tighten their lips, frown and lower their eyebrows. We learned that a stare lasting ten seconds
or longer invokes anxiety and discomfort in subordinates in the ‘unblinking eyes’, and that
overstepping boundaries can lead to conflict.
Chapter 9 –Defensive And Aggressive Body Language
Summary – Chapter 9
In this chapter we covered defensive and aggressive body language. We found that double arm hug or
arm crossing, partial arm crossing, arm gripping, fists and arm clenching, stiff or curved arms, or even
cufflinks can be used to signal defensiveness. We learned that objects are used to shield the insecure by
affording fewer angles of attack which is the case when we lean against a wall or bar top, hold a drink
near our face or against our chest, or hide behind a podium whilst presenting. We discovered that
headphones can be great tools for women who don’t want to be bothered, how pens, books, or
newspapers indicate division between people and how conversations can be ended or avoided simply
by raising a book. We found that other cues such as head bows, looking up to the side or through the
forehead, avoiding eye contact, seeking escape routes with darting eyes, or reduce body size among
others, show defensiveness.
On the other hand, we cut through defensiveness to study aggression which can include the in-yourface
posture characterized by the hands on hips, feet together at attention, leaning forward with the
head and chin up or out and exposed. We also saw that an aggressive person might get red in the face,
cross or drop their arms to the side and clench their fists, finger point, become tense overall, clamp
their jaw, tighten their lips, frown and lower their eyebrows. We learned that a stare lasting ten seconds
or longer invokes anxiety and discomfort in subordinates in the ‘unblinking eyes’, and that
overstepping boundaries can lead to conflict.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Introduction – Chapter 10
Trying not to pay attention.
It’s not a stretch to say that reading attentive and evaluative body language is a useful skill for everyone
at one time or another. For teachers, attentive and evaluative body language cues are useful to read
student interest and their level of active thought, for sellers it provides a gauge to the efficacy of a
pitch, and to acquaintances at a social even, the level of engagement.
A presenter at a conference might want to measure his story telling skills and so might look for cues to
“undivided attention”. He might therefore be interested in shortening presentation points that create
fidgeting and shuffling. The salesman, on the other hand, also wants to avoid boredom, but needs to
watch for evaluative gestures such as chin stroking, flared nostrils, pinching the bridge of the nose and
rubbing the back of the neck to see how close he is to closing the sale and what level of decision
making is at hand in his target. Does a chin stroking mean he’s already made up his mind and is
mulling things over, or is he just satisfying and itch?
Naturally, as the stakes rise, so too does the importance in reading evaluative and attentive body
language accurately, so it is important to keep these cues at hand. In this chapter, “attentive” refers to
the level of interest expressed during an interaction whereas “evaluative” delineates indicators that a
decision is in the process of being made. This chapter, while brief, covers a significant subset of the
body language that happens as people are in thought, give undivided attention or lack thereof and show
that they are preparing to reach a decision. We also hit on the hidden meaning of glasses, hand
steepling, neck rubbing and a subset of additional evaluative gestures we might encounter in our daily
lives.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Undivided Attention
An interested listener is focused on the entire person, their gestures, voice tone and the information
delivered.
Meeting in crowded areas offers plenty of distractions, which in and of itself might lead one to belief
that measuring attention would be difficult. However, the opposite is actually true; in other words, it’s
easier to measure interest in busy places because the eye can be caught wondering. As we covered
earlier in the chapter on eye language, we can verify interest based on where eyes are cast. The eyes tell
where the body wants to be, and when the mind is fully engaged on the presentation, the focus will be
on the speaker rather then what is going on around them.
Looking away rarely happens with someone who is completely engrossed in a conversation unless they
do so to concentrate. We know from an earlier discussion, that faces are complicated making it difficult
to process information. However absent of complex thought, we know that when someone looks away,
it’s due to disinterest in the subject matter. Take for example, a very important news item appearing
suddenly on television and the sequences of events that follow. First, we try to quiet a room so we have
time to tune into the broadcast, next we locate the remote and turn the volume up loud enough so that
even random noises don’t supersede the broadcast. Our eyes become fixated at the exclusion of
anything else in the room and our ears become finely tuned to the voice of the broadcaster. When
completely engaged, there is a fear of missing something important. This doesn’t just occur while
watching television or movies, but can happen when in deep conversation, while reading something
interesting or any other task for that matter. Any husband will tell you how easily it is to “tune” women
out when watching sports!
An interested listener is focused on the entire person, their gestures, voice tone and the information
delivered. For most, the picture they pick up about the speaker’s body language is subconscious, but it
does help them form an overall impression of their honesty, integrity, emotionality and so forth.
Therefore the focus doesn’t stop on the words alone, but on the entire message. An attentive listener is

directed, having their bodies oriented toward the speaker, their arms open and apart willing to take
information in, their legs will be crossed or open but aimed at the speaker, their head might be cocked
to the side at forty five degrees showing interest, and any information they add will be appropriate to
the given subject rather than off topic.
There will be times, when a fully attentive person will look away, down or about the room, but these
ganders are few and brief, with the primary attention placed back on the speaker. It has been shown that
up to eighty percent eye of contact is made while listening and about forty to sixty percent while
speaking. Thus, we can measure the level of interest simply by making note of how often the person
looks away. Someone that is bored will almost seem to look everywhere but at the speaker, or will
appear to glaze over in an unblinking stare. Looking away is a subconscious indication that the other
person is looking for an escape route – a way out of the conversation.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Fidgeting, The Feet, Jiggling and Kicking
A classic boredom cue cluster, fingers tapping, blank face looking away.
When a listener is still, it implies that they are focused on the speaker and interested, although in

extreme cases it means they are sleeping! Conversely fidgeting is an indication of boredom as the body
is given signals to take action and leave the conversation – like the body revving its engine in
preparation. Fidgeting is therefore a substitute to walking or running where neither is socially
acceptable or the situation warrants otherwise. Being stuck in a lecture is one of them! Repeated
checking of a watch or clock is another symptom of a desire to leave. With some forethought, an
artificial time constraint gives us an excuse to preempt longer than desire visits which can be made
useful when visiting in-laws, an advanced use of body language. Watch checking in this case, helps
solidify the nonverbal message.

A slouched appearance is a clear message of boredom.
When boredom really sets in we find repetitive behaviours such as tapping the toes, swinging the feet
with one crossed over the other, or drumming the fingers. The body may begin to sag or slouch in a
seat, or they may lean against the wall. The head will droop showing fatigue or be supported by the
hand. The more support is given to the head the more likely it is that the person is bored. A fully
supported head holding the majority of the weight is a tell-tale signal that your listener is bored and that
a shift in the conversation is in order. On the flip side, if feet suddenly freeze from a jitter, it indicates

an emotional change has occurred and that a person is experiencing threat. This is part of the freeze
response where people wish to go under the radar in the face of danger. Freezing, in this way, can
happen as a result of being confronted with an embarrassing question or situation, or being the subject
of a childhood tale that one is not particularly fond about.
Anytime foot jiggling suddenly turns to foot kicking while seated shows that a person has heard
something negative and is a response to discomfort. Jiggling usually depicts nervousness, but kicking
on the other hand, is used to fight off unpleasant thoughts. This gesture is subconscious and visceral so
is a reliable predictor because under most circumstances people don’t realize that they do it. Foot
kicking can therefore tell you what people really think about what sort of questions you are asking
them because once posed, they will readily begin to kick if it makes them uncomfortable.
Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Agreement Indicators
The head nod is a familiar gesture that happens naturally to show agreement. The nod means that the
listener is going along with what is being said but it can also be used as a tool to actively stimulate
conversations. Research has shown that head nods can increase the length of time a speaker will spend
talking in any given instance by up to three to four times! The length of time we spend talking has a
positive effect on the level of liking we have in those we speak to. Used in reverse, nodding can
stimulate more talking in others and make them like us even more. This might seem odd, but it’s true!
Fast and slow nodding also indicates different things. A slow nod indicates general agreement and that
interest is present, whereas a quick head nod shows impatience and a desire to interject.
Proper nodding is done as agreement is formed during conversation, and can be made even more
effective by adding several additional nods at the end of the speakers point.
Research has shown that head nodding breads positive thoughts and is hardwired into the brain. In your
next conversation simply nod your head and at the same time try to hold negative thoughts, or
expressing negative views. Scientific experiments have shown that as the conscious mind invariably
gets tired or distracted, the head nodding stops or changes direction. You will face the exact same
challenges. Positive emotions are tied directly to positive body language and it is very difficult or even
impossible to change these patterns.
Head nodding therefore is a gesture that has a powerful influence to those around us and can be used to
create positive feelings. Head nodding creates connectivity in people and shows that what is being said,
is being understood. Even if agreement is not present, it shows that a person is at least being heard
which can be used to sway agreement in the future on a more important issue. In other words, when
agreement isn’t present, you should still agree to disagree!

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Hand On The Chin For Evaluation Or Negative
Thoughts

A classic evaluative gesture done by producing an “L” shape with the thumb and index fingers, but
where the chin is not carrying any weight.
We can measure the level of interest or negativity our listeners have by how much pressure is held by
the hand during conversation. Under average evaluative body language, the index finger is placed to
the side of the head and only lightly supports the weight of the head, or the hands are left and placed on
the table with palms up or uncrossed to the front of the body. When the hands touch the face and
interest is present, the index and thumb will form an “L” shape and the chin is placed in the crux of the
“L” but is not supported by it. Conversely, with genuine interest, the hand will barely touch the side of
the face. In this case, the hand curls and the knuckles gently rests against the side of the face, and in
other cases, the hand remains open with the finger tips of the index and middle finger gently resting on
the cheek. As the listener becomes bored or tired, the hand will bear more and more of the weight and
the body will seem to slump completely over the hand and be supported by it. As boredom sets in, the
thumb will move under the chin to help the person hold their head even further, or the chin will seem to
compress into the palm. When the index finger is found playing with or rubbing the corner of the eyes
it indicates fatigue or disbelief as in “I can’t see that.” Movements to the eye like also serve to show
negative thoughts and emotions. We should be careful to watch for them.
She’s growing bored – we know because her “L” hand is taking on some the weight of her head.
Now she’s checking out as the head is clearly being supported by the palm.
Seeing these cues develop tells us that it’s time to change the subject to revive interest, change
locations to get the blood flowing again, or take a break to try to recover, and in extreme cases, throw
in the towel and give up. Boredom is a negative thought indicator and the cues used to indicate it tell us
that rapport is being lost between the listener and the speaker. Interested individuals inject themselves
and their body completely into the conversation, rather than detaching themselves.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Other Attentive Cues
There are a variety of singular cues that also serve to indicate attention. Concentration for example, is
obvious when the face is scrunched together, the eyes narrowed as if to focus on a prey, with the
eyebrows tightened inward.
Reflective activities can also include matching the body language of the speaker, not interrupting and
using agreement sounds such as ‘uh huh’ and ‘mhum’. We rarely think about the powers of these small
sounds but it can make the difference between having your counterpart believe they made a connection
right up to contempt as in “He just sat there and didn’t say a word”. By nodding and adding agreement
sounds, the person will feel heard and therefore appreciated. Paraphrasing back what was just said to
the speaker, is another method of sending the correct message. This technique shows what is called
active listening and shows that you are internalizing what is said and affords a chance to clarify any
misinterpreted information.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Chin Stroking And Tongue Protrusion
It’s common for the hand to come to the chin when we’re making up our minds.
Chin stroking, is another evaluative gesture which was made popular by movies, television shows and

cartoons. The cliché says that the chin scratcher is old, wise and is bearded! Beard or chin stroking
signifies that the decision making process has begun, but that a conclusion hasn’t yet been reached.
What follows the chin scratch tells us exactly what to expect, be it a positive or negative outcome.
When prompted for a final decision,
if the hand comes down and across the body at right angles it tells us that a negative answer will follow,
but if the hand comes forward and is placed on the thighs in a ready posture or the arms remains
uncrossed the answer will be positive.
Without conscious awareness the tongue makes an appearance under deep concentration usually by
being protruded to the side. Tongue protrusion is an evolutionary throwaway gesture thought to have
arisen as food rejection mechanism by infants. When it happens in adults it means they are genuinely
focused on their task and wish not to be bothered by others, hence the rejection root. The tongue can
also be seen moistening the lips more often when under stress or anxiety as the mouth dries up, or can
be moved back and forth across the lips as a pacifying behaviour to sooth while under stress.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
The Invisible Lint Picker
The invisible lint picker doesn’t like what’s being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.
Leaning forward and lowering the head shows a critical listener and indicates that what was being said

is disliked. However, there is another related posture that shows an even greater form of contempt and
disapproval. It happens also by dropping the head, however, while in the position, the person will begin
to pluck invisible lint from their clothing. In doing so, eye contact is broken to stammer the flow of
conversation. The gesture says that there are unspoken objections that are withheld either because they
feel that they won’t be well received, because they are too timid to speak up, or is a passive attack on a
figure of authority.
Any other rude gesture meant to occupy the mind in lieu of paying attention says that a person lacks
respect, integrity or feels that they undeservedly lack control in the relationship and set out to prove it.
A person can pick their nails or remove dirt from underneath them, drum their fingers, smooth their
clothing when it does not require it, or seem distracted due to any number of factors. The goal of the
invisible lint picker is to withhold eye contact to gain an upper hand and end the conversation on their
terms, without being forthright about it. A person with integrity will use honest body language such as
pointing their feet and torsos toward the doorway, reduce agreement indicators, and use conversation
ending speech to speed things up. The lint picker, on the other hand, uses passive aggressive techniques
to waste the speaker’s time with no regard for their own. At times the lint picker is trapped by a more
authoritative figure than them, such as a boss, which prohibits them from leaving. Their defense to this
is to figuratively “kick dirt in their eyes” by withdrawing from the conversation. When small children
block their ears, close their eyes and sing to themselves loudly in order to tune out adults, they are
accomplishing exactly what lint peckers have set out to do. Incidentally, small children also use
distraction techniques to avoid the reprimands of adults. Whenever these cues persist they should be
quickly rectified so as to maintain respect.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
What Glasses Mean
Chewing or sucking on the frames of the glasses signifies deep thought.
As an artifact, glasses can be used to convey nonverbal meaning. Chewing or sucking on the frames of

the glasses signifies deep thought. Pens placed in the mouth have the same effect. As we saw with chin
stroking, what immediate follows evaluative gestures tells us what sort of decision has been made, be it
positive or negative. If arms and legs become crossed, or the body leans back, it means that the person
has reached a negative conclusion. The glasses can be shaken from side to side signaling a rejection of
an idea which is a tempered way to finger shake – the finger shake by itself indicates a much more
powerful message. Boredom can also be signaled with glasses such as folding and unfolding them
repeatedly, bending them at the center can indicate agitation, and touching the tips signal tension or
stress. Putting the glasses back on means the person wants to see more of the facts, setting them aside
can mean that the meeting is over and throwing them aside altogether or dropping them abruptly means
a full rejection of the meeting. Quickly anticipating a negative decision can be of assistance to thwart
an overt conclusion in effort to leave the door open, even if just a crack. However, obviously, your
work is cut out for you to sway someone who is so close to a final decision. You will need to work in
overdrive to bring them back from the brink.
Moving the glasses up on the forehead can signal honesty while peering over the glasses is a classic
evaluative gesture that signals scrutiny and judgment. The image it invokes in people is that of the
discerning librarian or catholic school teacher bearing down on naughty students. The presence of
glasses is not paramount to the gesture, but does help make it more salient. With or without glasses it
happens by tilting the head downward with the eyes peering onto the subject across the bridge of the
nose. With glasses, the gesture includes pulling them forward with the hand and simultaneously peering
over them. If the head is cocked to the side it says “Really? You can’t be serious.” The cue cluster also
includes arms folded or on the hips, legs crossed, squinted eyes and pursed lips, scowling and or an
index finger that wags from side to side (meaning naughty).
Studies show that we also rate wearers of glasses as being more studious, intelligent, sincere and
conservative, although having particularly thick glasses negates those positive attributes. We think
thick glasses are for those with low social skills who are overly-intelligent (geeks or nerds). While not
all of these gestures are perfectly predictive glasses, just like pencils, pieces of paper, folders or books,
they are an extension of the hand so carry the same message but in an exaggerated way.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Hand Steepling
She knows something you don’t.
The hand steeple happens by propping up the fingers of on hand, with the finger of the other hand, to

form a bridge. In this posture fingers are not interlocked and the palms do not touch. The word
steepling comes from their similarity to the pointed roof of a church steeple. Rocking, might
accompany the steeple where the hands move back and forth by adding and reducing pressure between
them. The steeple can be placed low on a lap, or seen hovering slightly above the lap. Other times the
steeple is in full view of others with the elbows propped up on the table. The steepler can hold the
posture so high that they have to look through the steeple to see others. Hand steeples frequently occur
by themselves as standalone cues, and don’t require additional body language in a cluster to have
predictable meaning.
The steepler is someone that is confident, sometime overconfident, genuine, authoritative, and
particularly evaluative of others around him. Confidence, in this case, is held in the power and control
they possess and also in knowing things that other people do not, so steepling says “I have access to
hidden information (and life experience) and this is the source of my power and control over you.”
Steeplers are found carrying the gesture when around subordinates, or whenever they seem to have the
upper hand. Donald Trump performed the steeple frequently on his television show The Apprentice, in
preparation, of all things, to fire his next apprentice! His steepling was an obvious cue to the power he
had over his subordinates. This gesture is effective if you already possess power or want others to think
you do, but it is ineffective in team building, since it comes off as arrogant. It does have subconscious
manipulative properties though, such as bluffing in poker but in most cases, this gesture is only as
effective as that which can be backed up with real confidence and true access to valuable hidden
information.
Superiors will also be seen using this gesture in meetings and when giving orders and the higher the
steeple is held, the greater the arrogance it depicts. In extreme forms, the person carrying the gesture
can be seen “looking right through their hands” between the triangle formed by the pent up fingers and
the thumbs. A more subtle version is the hidden steeple of which the sender could be trying to hide or
shelter their opinion from view by keeping the steepled fingers below the table. The lower steeple is
more often used by women and when someone is listening rather than speaking. Hidden steepling
refers to hidden confidence or a desire to limit arrogance in attempt to appear more open and accepting.
The underlying meaning of the steeple is still present however, yet women should show more overt
confidence by actively mirroring or initiating steepling on their own to gain an advantage in office
situation, rather than letting their confidence fall to the way side. In all confident steepling the hands
remain stand-alone, or the elbows serve to prop the hands up from a table. When the hands are steepled,
but holding support to the head, it does not signal confidence, but rather boredom, self consciousness,
or awkwardness.

The steeple can occur in
body language clusters as well, but what is important is not what happens after the steepling, as in the
chin stroke and eye glass language, but rather what happens preceding the steepling. Therefore, by
watching for positive open postures such as palms up and arms un-crossed or closed postures such as
arms crossed, touching the nose or face and avoiding eye contact, we can tell if the person is trying to
be honest or manipulative with his or her apparent power. In other words, steepling is a finish posture
serving to punctuate a body language clue cluster rather than the other way around. Steepling can also
ebb and flow along with confidence to what is being said which can be useful in negotiations or in
arguments. If something is said to drop confidence the steepling might be broken in favour of

interlocked hands as if praying but then quickly return when a person feels that their position has
improved. Interlocked fingers is a signal of low confidence and the fingers might even be seen
wringing themselves. Lawyers quickly learn to control this nonverbal cue in favour of constant
steepling rather than any other gesture.

Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Neck Rubbing
He’s holding himself back by the scruff of the neck.
The neck hold, scratch or rub is a response to negative feelings. It is a restraint posture as in “holding

one’s self back” as one might do to a wily cat or dog by grabbing them by the scruff of the neck. In this
case, though, we are doing it to ourselves. While not a full blown emotional displacement posture it
does serve to alleviate the negative sensation we have. Like taking medicine fixes illnesses, and an itch
fixes a scratch a gesture treats and underlying emotion. Not until we allow ourselves the opportunity to
do the gesture can we treat our underlying emotion. This is what makes gestures and postures in body
language so predictive of emotional roots. They are connected.
Touching the back of the neck is not the same as touching any other part of the neck such as the side,
which can be used as a filler gesture to pause for thought, or the front which can be used to show sexual
interest in a dating context. Scratching the back of the neck, rather, is a primitive gesture, that is a
response to arrector pili muscles in the scruff that our body uses to make our hair stand on end. The
arrector pili are a microscopic band of muscle tissue that connects hair follicles to the skin. When
stimulated, the muscles contract and cause the hair to turn upward and perpendicular to the skin
surface, or stand on end. While the purpose of the muscles in humans is vestigial, meaning they are an
evolutionary throwaway, they were once used to trap air next to the skin to help keep the body warm.
Other uses are for display and competition to make the body appear larger and more threatening. You
have probably seen a domestic cat put its hair up when challenged by another cat. In porcupines, the
muscles contract to bring the quills up as a defense. As a defense, and for heat retention for people, the
purpose of the arrector pili is laughable at best, but our bodies still react to cold and fear, even
aggression by stimulating the muscles. A cold chill down the spin and “goose bumps” or “goose pimps”
is a reference to the same thing. When we reach for our scruff, we are showing an evolutionary
throwaway to a time when our hair would have stood on end!
Neck touching can be a positive signal when it’s done in the right context – here neck exposure shows
comfort and attraction.
Neck touches are therefore, connected with negative thinkers and restraint. To discover the true
meaning of the gesture, we need to look at this cue in context accompanied whatever other cues are
present. For example, let’s imagine two men in a bar, one of which is yelling and swearing promising to
send him to the next county, while the other, much larger and more muscular wearing an official MMA
(mixed martial arts) attire, keeps his distance holding his arm to his neck. What is the MMA fighter
doing here, is he thinking negative thoughts, or holding himself back from using his fighting skills to

defend himself. I think the answer is obvious. The context tells us exactly what is happening. The neck
hold, versus a scratch can be in response to making a mistake and trying to take it back as in “Whoops,
sorry, that was stupid of me and I won’t do it again.” The neck rub or hold can be seen when being
verbally assaulted by a boss, here what is said is “He’s a real pain in the neck.” Even my nine-monthold
son thinks I’m a pain in the neck when I won’t let him do something dangerous! Since he’s just
little he can’t reach all the way back, so his arm comes up and back at about ear level when I tell him
he can’t do something. If he just laughs, I know he hasn’t really taken me seriously. When that happens
I re-iterate my instruction making sure he gives me some sort of retrained gesture or given me eye
contact.
Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Other Evaluative Gestures
To conclude this chapter, there are some other subtle gestures that tell us that someone is thinking or
evaluating a decision which includes stroking the side of the nose, flared nostrils, pinching the bridge
of the nose, looking upwards and looking around the room. These gestures all show us that a person is
trying to come up with the best course of action, or to come to a satisfactory decision. Some evaluative
gestures also have confusing meanings, for example, looking up might mean that someone is bored or
in disbelief – a form of evaluation. When looking up refers to disbelief the person is ‘sending a prayer
to God’ or saying “I can’t believe what I’m hearing”. Flared nostrils might also be an evaluative gesture
as well because it reveals an internal judgment but it can also indicate agitated or aggression. In the
same general ballpark, one might turn their nose sideways by twitching the muscles slightly revealing
dislike or disbelief. This last gesture likely has origins in avoiding a particularly bad odor.
These last clues should always be taken in context and be paired with other evaluative cues in clusters,
of which have been discussed in this chapter. Many times, evaluative body language shows reserved
disagreement, which gives us time to prepare a better case or prepare for a less desirable outcome, such
that we aren’t taken by surprise.
Some evaluative gestures:
Nose twitching.

Pinching the bridge of the nose.
Chapter 10 - Attentive And Evaluative Body Language
Summary – Chapter 10
In this chapter we looked at attentive and evaluative body language. Here we defined attentive in terms
of active participation in a conversation or presentation and evaluative in terms of thought or
processing of information to reach a decision. We saw that undivided attention is obvious when a rate
of eighty percent eye contact, or nearly so, is achieved while being listened to, and whilst speaking
occurs at a rate of sixty percent with any significant deviation representing a loss of attention. We saw
that fidgeting or repetitive behaviours such as tapping the toes, swinging the feet or drumming the
fingers can signal boredom. We covered other boredom indicators like the body sagging or slouching in
a seat, leaning against the wall or dropping the head.
We then moved onto agreement indicators and found that slow nodding shows general agreement, but
that quick nodding can show impatience or a desire to interject and also that the brain is hardwired to
think positively either when nodding or viewing nodding by others. Next we learned that when the
hand holds the chin it shows varying levels of negative thoughts by how much weight it supports. The
more the weight held by the hand, we saw, the more boredom present.
We then looked at other evaluative body language such as chin stroking, signifying that the decision
making process had begun but that a conclusion had not yet been reached, what glasses mean, peering
over the glasses means judgment, hand steepling which shows confidence and hidden superiority, and
neck rubbing, which is a restraint posture indicating negative feelings. Lastly, we covered additional
evaluative body language such as stroking the side of the nose, flared nostrils, pinching the bridge of
the nose, looking upwards, or looking around the room, but cautioned that some of these same gestures
can be indicators of other thoughts. For example, we learned that looking up might also mean that
someone is in disbelief and is ‘sending a prayer to God.’ We found that flared nostrils can also mean an
internal judgment is forming, agitated or even aggression. We concluded that when we witness
evaluative gestures we should prepare to mount a better case, or prepare for a possible negative
outcome.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Introduction – Chapter 11
A universal facial expression – Anger.
Emotional body language is a charged topic because it essentially defines people. When we talk about

emotions we talk about what motivates people which includes but is certainly not limited to fear, anger,
sadness, timidity or shyness, disgust, and happiness. Emotional nonverbal communication is present
everyday, and in many forms, and can reduce conflict before it starts, or identify weaknesses that can
be soothed or taken advantage of, depending on the particular desires of the body language reader.
Before dispelling outright the desire to exploit, remind yourself that in most cases, there exists some
degree of competition or cooperation in all of life, which is frequently only differentiated by matters of
degree, type and more importantly, outcome. Thus, if one wishes to formulate mutual agreements
through cooperation, or feels compelled to assist those who are at a disadvantage, they should welcome
and read the body language just the same. In other words, read emotions to discover underlying
insecurities or happiness in other people and do with it as you please, but also be aware of your own
signals since it will give ammunition to others that can be used against you. Sometimes these cues end
up in the less that charitable people around you such as predators. This makes knowing the cues
important in displaying victim type body language to avoid appearing like an easy target, and not just
to criminals, but to salesman, potentially abusive spouses, and children looking to take advantage of
our goodwill.
In this chapter we will cover many topics including displacement behaviour which includes any
nonverbal signal meant to quell anxiety due to encroachment on personal space. As we learned
previously, personal space and territories play an important function in our lives, however, these zones
are frequently breeched when in busy city streets and other public areas. We also cover how the fight or
flight mechanism plays into body language and how the catch phrase is a misnomer because animals
and people don’t usually respond in that way, at least not in that order. Clenching and gripping body
language is also covered. We’ll see how the aforementioned is an important subset of body language
since it reveals inner tension and how, and perhaps more importantly, why, nervous hands shake and
what it all means to poker players. We will even discover what sort of body language indicates that a
person has a poor self image, the role eyebrows play with respect to the emotions they convey, what
interlaced fingers that rub together and palm finger stroking mean, and how suckling and mouthing
turns us back into babies. Next we cover why compressed lips and lip pursing aren’t the same, nor do
they mean that someone wants to kiss. In fact, coupled with the down-turned smile they all mean
negative thoughts are being passed around in the mind.
This chapter also covers a smorgasbord of other emotionally charged cues such as how tongues show
concentration and cheekiness, the sneering of the nose, what ear grabbing means and hostile body
language in brief, since it was extensively covered previously, and how rejection takes place in
sequence so we can run when we see it, or emit it when we wish to repeal the boring! If rejecting is too
pessimistic for you, what follows is how relaxation is made evident through body language. Neck and
nose body language is hit on next which become particularly sensitive under pressure and tends to
require frequent touching or covering so as to produce feelings of comfort through protection. Blocking
is also dealt with which can happen through various forms, such as the body or eyes, but each have
roots in the fight or flight response. We hit on the colour of emotion including blushing and blanching,
as well as gravity defying body language found when people experience joyful exuberance. The six
main facial expressions which are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust are cataloged
and described leading into whether or not emotions can easily be faked. We also learn in this chapter
that people will take “emotional downtime” frequently throughout the day, laypeople call this
“daydreaming.” Cocooning and turtling body positions are described which both point to insecurity and
timidity as roots. We’ll also cover how we can tell if people are related or having intimate relations
based on how they hug and conclude with the remaining emotional body language.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Displacement Behaviours Protect Us In Public
Stroking an object or “object caress” (context specific) can be a way to sooth a person when in public.
In a courtship setting, an object caress spells interest.
Immediately upon leaving our homes, the place where we feel most comfortable, we begin to exhibit
what is called “displacement behaviour”. Displacement behaviour is a coping mechanism that helps
protect us emotionally from the outside world. The citizens of New York and other busy cities make for
classic examples as they work their way through the city streets expressionless. The rest of the world
sees these people as rude, despondent, miserable or unhappy but in actual fact it is completely normal
and even constructive. Our public body language shifts subtly the moment we leave the door. Our faces
show less emotion, it becomes more ‘pan faced’ as we if hiding our thoughts and inner feelings from
others. City slickers immediately identify country folk. They make eye contact with strangers more
often, and might even issue smiles, and nods at others, that is if they aren’t completely overtaken by
fear and distraction. Making contact with others is normal for country folk. They come from an area
where they know most of the inhabitants and therefore don’t fear public social interactions.
Displacement behaviour is a stone-age protective mechanism. In our evolutionary past, had we
encountered a group of strangers or a “city” of strangers, it would be in our best interest to internalize
our fears and emotions so as not to betray our position. Our position is naturally fearful due in large
part to being vastly outnumbered by what could be a potentially violent clan. We also wouldn’t want
others to know that we carried valuable trade items, or were weak or scared. Therefore, our faces show
a default position; no emotion.

Burying yourself in a book or listening to music through headphones are two great ways to retreat from
the public eye so as to go unnoticed.
Displacement behaviours also show that we aren’t interested in interacting with others. You can test
this for yourself by approaching people on the street looking for directions, for example. When you
approach them it will take a second for them to snap out of their trance, if at all, before they notice that
you are talking to them. They might even ask you to repeat what you have said because their mind had
been “switched off”. Sometimes they even refuse to snap out of the trance at all and simply shake their
head in a “no” type fashion from side to side, before continuing. We know people are in this type of
trance because their body language become more self-focused. We pull our arms and legs inward, our
face will become defocused, seemingly looking through people, and our body motions will become
more minimal so as to avoid drawing attention to us. We may even become completely immobile and
take on protective postures.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous
energy.
Another version of displacement behaviour happens when our minds are preoccupied with an emotion.
When our home life begins to bother us when at work, our faces become emotionless as our minds drift
to this more immanent problem. Our bodies display this detachment in various ways. For example, we
begin to remove imaginary lint, play with a watch or pen, look away or become distracted, repetitive
tapping of the fingers or foot, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the hands together, pinching an eyelid,

smoothing clothing, rotating a wedding ring, nail-biting, or sucking a finger or pen. These all indicate a
hidden thought linked to anxiety. The word displacement, in this fashion indicates that one is trying to
avoid the task or issue at hand, and is instead, busy themselves with an activity that is much less taxing.
Another form of displacement behaviours include sitting slumped over, with a glazed look endlessly
staring at the floor or a spot on the wall.
Sometimes displacement behaviours are used to avoid conflict with others and those taking part would
rather not be in the situation. To avoid conflict, they appear busy and preoccupied by doing other
things. Displacement behaviours can also include gum chewing or nail biting, grooming, tapping, head
scratching or playing with jewelry. It includes any behaviour that is out of place and serves the purpose
of removing one’s self from the situation or topic at hand. We all understand when someone tries to
“change the subject”, this is the same thing, only it is accomplished silently.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Freeze, Flight or Fight
Even the fear facial expression is a classic “freeze” response. It’s as if the face has been caught in a
flash of emotion.

The fight or flight response is a bit a misnomer. It’s not actually how humans or other animals respond
to stress and danger. Lazy by nature and especially cautious of injury, recall we didn’t have doctors and
hospitals thousands of years ago and even today most animals receive no secondary care from
veterinarians, we have evolved the proclivity to handle situations in more appropriate ways. Most
animals, humans included, will naturally sequence freeze, flight and flight in that order. Freezing is
important to assess the situation, for how does one know what they are running from, and in what
direction, if they don’t first identify the object of their fear.
White-tailed deer will first begin by winding predators, and if they sense that it is close, may seemingly
flee instantly, but usually they will freeze in place to first identify the type of predator, human or other,
its location, and its proximity. They do this by tilting their heads back and passing deep breaths into
their lungs through their noses and over a specialized fluid filled structure called the vomeronasal
organ. For deer, it is their sense of smell that is their primary means of safety. Since their eyes are much
less acute than their noses, they rely on catching movement from predators especially when they are
being stalks from downwind when scenting isn’t an option. When movement is caught, deer will try to
“flush” the danger by stomping a foot rhythmically before fleeing. The foot stomp is a deer’s way of
nonverbally signaling to a predator that they have been made, that the “jig is up”, so to speak, and that
it’s time to identify themselves. The deer knows that a predator is in the vicinity though sight, smell and
sound, or possibly just has a hunch that something is amiss, and instead of fleeing outright wants to be
totally certain before “hightailing it!” To a deer, or human, running at all potential danger is wasteful
and time consuming and not always appropriate. By the way, the deer put his white tail up (the
underside of a deer’s tail is white, hence the original of its name), and will snort-wheeze which is done
by forcefully exhaling pressurized air through their mouth, to signal to predators that pursuit is futile.
Because animals have no verbal language, they communicate using nonverbal signals, and in this case,
it happens even across species.
When humans are presented with fearful situations, they also tend to freeze. Like in animals, movement
attracts attention and so to become a less obvious target to attack, the body becomes motionless.
Survivors of the Columbine shooting in 1999 played dead so as to be overlooked by the shooters Eric
Harris and Dylan Klebold despite being in plain view. Some of the survivors were just a few steps
away from the shooters. Freezing is an evolutionary strategy that reduces the chances that predator will
identify them and switches off their attack response. In everyday life we see the freeze response when
people are caught in the act of theft, when caught lying, or when hiding something. Is it an accident that
police officers yell “Stop right, there” or “Freeze scumbag” when they’ve got a suspect in their sights?
Screaming this might even yield a momentary freeze response if done loud enough. That is until the
suspects get a chance to see who is it that uttered the command, and in which direction they should run.
Shoplifters have been identified by overhead surveillance, among other body language, by the way they
seem to reduce their profile, hunch over and reduce their arm movements. This is the art of “hiding in
plain view” and is no different from what anyone else does when they want to get by unnoticed. I know
my son is up to no good when things go particularly quiet in the house. More often then not I’m right!
People will habitually freeze when they are scolded, children and adults alike, and sometimes reduce
their breath rate especially under intense scrutiny. Stress can therefore cause shallow breathing, which
is why we remind people through meditation to take deep breaths to dissipate tension. You may notice
someone holding their breath or even pushing breath through their mouths, we call these sighs, and it
indicates stress and hidden tension. Sometimes the cheeks are puffed out where air is slowly exhaled
and other times sign are riddled throughout conversation or while busy doing other tasks. If you notice
someone consistently doing this you know it’s their way of “Blowing off steam.” Be watchful of the
freeze response because in context can tell you that someone is stressed and is trying to go under the
radar. Be particularly conscious of freezing that happens suddenly by the presence of others as it will

tell you who is the object of fear. Children that suddenly freeze when a relative comes near, is telling
you that they feel uncomfortable around them, and this should worry you. A wife that clams up when
her husband is around, but is otherwise bubbly and personable, might be saying that she fears his
reprimand because she has upset him, or might even fear upsetting him by making a social blunder.
When it comes to fear-freezing, it is the sudden change from fluid to freeze that tells us what has
caused it.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Clenching And Gripping
Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and
relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions. A smile, in this case,

indicates stress, not happiness.
Clenching and gripping are signals of frustration and restraint. They are very different then the relaxed
palm in palm gesture discussed in a previous chapter. A classic gripping posture happens when the hand
opposite reaches behind the back and grabs the wrist of the opposite arm. We know it shows frustration
because it serves to relieve tension through gripping, an energy displacement mechanism, and serves to
show restraint because the hand is gripping the arm in effort to prevent them from striking out against
another person.
Gripping, especially intensely, helps us feel more relaxed because the pain releases pleasure hormones
and adrenaline. The same could be achieved through more constructive mechanisms like running,
exercise, or constructing something useful, but like all forms of body language, the solutions come
from an archaic part of the brain through evolution (or accident), so we are not interested in doing
constructive work at a time when our minds are dealing with stress. In other words, we just want a
quick, immediate fix for the anxiety, and wringing the hands helps sooth and pacifies us without having
to leave the area. Most minds deal poorly with stress and can’t function normally without dealing with
the source, so the last thing we want to do is leave the area in which the problem has arisen without a
solution. Wringing the hands is a gesture that is seen in people the world over. At times the fingers may
become interlaced appearing as if in prayer, which might even be the case. Pressure can be so great that
the fingers can even blanch as blood flow is impeded.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our
sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and
control it.
Pacing is a classic full-blown signal of anxiety, and falls into the same energy displacement category
because it gives us something to do and burns extra calories in a trickle to make us feel more relaxed.
Clenching and gripping are ways of signaling that a negative thought or emotion is being held back. A
more intense hand gripping posture happens when the arm grips higher up near the elbow or upper arm.

The higher the grip, the more frustration is present and the more self control is expressing. Clenching
and gripping postures occur anytime stress and anger is present, such as waiting to see a doctor or
dentist, awaiting bad news, or during conflict.
Another form of clenching that shows emotional restraint happens with the hands in a raised position
instead of being hidden behind the back. This form of clenching appears as if the hands are being rung
out by each other, as we would a wet article of clothing. Smiling does not negate the gesture either, and
even alludes to a greater than normal tension. Smiles when accompanied by wringing, are called “stress
smiles” or grimacing. The hands can be held in front of the face, resting on the desk or lap or when
standing, in front of the crotch, but once again, the higher the clenching appears the more prevalent and
obvious is the tension.
Hand wringing allows us to ‘control’ our pain and discomfort – it gives us an outlet.
The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying
emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and
release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved
independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety
carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers, or feet that move frequently or never seem to find a
comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more
restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide their fears from others.
Jaw clenching.

Clenching and gripping can have many other forms as well, including clenching the jaws tight or even
talking through the teeth, cracking knuckles, pulling the hair or even plucking it, pinching one’s self,
and clenching the fists by turning them into a ball. In my observations of other people, I have noticed
some peculiar emotional behaviour that includes the grotesque such as squeezing pimples to plucking
nose hairs to more damaging and extreme behaviours such as hitting the head and scratching called
“self harm” but can include any other painful and repetitive behaviours serving to sooth emotional
stress.
The more astute will notice tension from something so minor that most won’t even notice, and the
carrier of which, will have no conscious awareness. That is, sitting in an awkward position, or rather,
sitting in a less than fully relaxed position. This cue tells us that they won’t and can’t permit themselves
to take on a more relaxed position because they should be doing something else more pressing or
useful. Perhaps watching television isn’t of highest priority when one weighs the importance of a report
or an essay for school, that the house needs tending to, or family time has been ignored. Notice a fully
relaxed position for a person over time, and then note when they aren’t holding it, then you’ll know
something isn’t right in their minds! Identify the pattern, call them out on it, and then look like a
genious!
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Nervous Hands
Nervous hands clasp to steady.
A telltale clue to nervousness is when the hands begin to shake. Since the hands are designed for fine
motor control, they are easily affected by a surge of adrenaline stimulated from stress from nervousness
or excitement. Any stimulus, good or bad, can stimulating the muscles in the hands to fire out of
control creating quivering. The limbic mind driven by fight or flight response is what causes hand
shaking which makes the nonverbal cue particularly honest and predictive.

As mentioned even positive events can create shaking, such as an excellent hand in poker or seeing
someone we have a deep crush on. Hands more often than not however, will quiver when bad things
happen that send us into a fear response such as preparing to take the stage to present in front of an
audience, being in a serious car crash or swerving to avoid one at the last minute. When in any sort of
confrontation, we can also experience hand shaking. To decide what sort of stimulus, be it fear or
excitement that it causing the quivering one doesn’t have to go much further than context. From there,
it should be obvious why someone is shaking.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.
To disguise handshaking, some people will grasp at objects such as drinking glasses, will clasp their
hands together or occupy them with “busy work.” Other times people will steady their uneasy hands by
grabbing the hand of a relative, cupped them hand-in-hand at the chest, or thrust them underneath the
armpits or in pockets. People who suffer from pronounced handshaking will develop elaborate
ritualized gestures to keep their hands from being noticed. They will play with the arms of eye glasses,
twirl pencils, or fidget with clothing. To others it will go unnoticed because they will appear as a
normal part of their repertoire – their baseline.
Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?
Teenage girls meeting a celebrity pop singer are often seen fidgeting with their hands as they defy
gravity by bouncing up and down. Their hands will often be flung sky-high and they clasp together in
excitement. This is nervous energy personified and the hands show the limbic system in overdrive.
Watch for this “tell” in a poker game as hands might come together underneath the table to steady each
other. Hand shaking in poker, however, can be due to either fear of getting caught bluffing or the
excitement good hand. In this case, it is a person’s baseline that helps predict which of the two is really
happening. Hand quivering is important only when it deviates from a person’s normal repertoire of
actions. For example, if hand quivering suddenly starts up or stops when discussing a particular event,
we know that event is the root. It will then be our job to decide why the event caused nervousness or
excitement. The same goes for any other cue, be it a new person added to a social gathering, nearing
the edge of a cliff (fear of heights), being asked a question that is difficult to answer and so forth.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Poor Self Image And The Body Language That
Tells

Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.
“Auto contact” is a term used to describe any gesture such as stroking the beard, rubbing the hands,
tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth,
which is meant to sooth the body and create comfort. These gestures are also used to eliminate internal
tensions and provide reassurance. It is believed that these mannerisms stem from childhood sources
when our parents would comfort us with touch. Social touching has been shown to increase oxytocin
which is a natural chemical messenger released by the brain. Oxytocin also helps in reducing anxiety,
and creates feelings of contentment, calmness and creates trust. Studies reveal that oxytocin plays a big
role in orgasm since it helps control fear and anxiety. In fact, when negative emotions aren’t controlled,
orgasm is impossible. Self touching serves to fight the underlying stress associated with the negative
stimulus so as to recreate the feelings of having someone sooth you. This reminds people of more
pleasurable situations. In short, it takes the mind to a better place. Grooming and self touching, stem
wholly from arousal but this arousal can be due to a variety of reasons. It might stem from anxiety,
anger, stress or uncertainty. It will be your job to decide which is the main cause, and part of this means
that you need to take context in mind.
Interestingly manipulations, in this way, provide others will ‘tells’ that indicate which parts of our
bodies we don’t like. For example, a man who is self conscious about his hair loss will frequently brush
or stroke his head in a failed effort to hide the bareness, especially so when under stress He might also
run his hand backwards over his head or smooth it or pat it. A woman with a large nose will motion or
touch it whenever she feels insecure. Thus, not only do these ‘tells’ indicate that someone is stressed,
but they tell us what parts of their bodies they find most troublesome. In a chain reaction, the stress
produces an underlying emotion that then creates a behaviour – a gesture, that serves to fight the stress.
This behaviour then in turn reveals an underlying self conscious attitude toward a part of our bodies.
The method used to “attack” the ‘tell’ will give you additional clues to the intent. For example, a child
who is angry will pick and pull at a scar whereas one that is embarrassed will tend to cover it from
sight or brush it.

Touching or stroking the body helps relieve stress by releasing the hormone oxytocin.
Small children, especially boys will sometimes grab at their genitals when stressed. Being unacceptable
for adults, it can be replaced with a tight leg cross where the genitals are squeezed. Women have been
known to do the same thing, even bouncing a leg up and down and squeeze their upper thighs tightly
together which can even result in orgasm. Not every leg bounce with tight leg crossing produces
orgasm though, yet this form of soothing still produces comfort, and quite likely a dose of oxytocin to
boot! Women may also lightly brush the lower parts of their breasts as they crossing their arms, which

is also in effort to self sooth. With careful observation (be careful here) the breast will seem to slightly
lift as the second arm crosses over the first, locking it in place. This is one of the postures that becomes
much more obvious after being recognized once. Resting the head on a hand or rubbing the back of the
neck, wringing the hands or rubbing the legs are all substitutes to more overt self-stimulation. Men
might resort to rubbing their temples and women might employ hair touches and grooming or stroking
the sides of their arms. No matter how self touching unveils itself, it can show hidden insecurities, so
can provide useful information about someone especially when taken in proper context.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Eyebrow Lowering
Eyebrows lowered is a sign of pain – here we see grief.
Eyebrows can squint just like eyes can and have many different meanings. Eyebrows can be lowered to

indicate confrontation due to anger or aggression, fear from threats, when we feel displeasure or are
annoyed. If eyebrows are dropped low enough and kept there it indicates weakness and insecurity. This
is true universally and so can even appear in children especially those who are abused. Lowered
eyebrows is submissive, cowering, facial expression.
Inmate report seeking the gesture when new prisoners arrive as clues to which will make easy targets.
Lowered eyebrows is a sign of being defeated and weak and shows that one is unlikely to put up a
fight. Bullies at school will also look for the expression to single out children as prey and so will social
predators and psychopaths. Victims are rarely chosen at random and I’ve witnessed the body language
myself from a woman who reported suffering abuse as a child and several times as an adult. She carried
herself in vulnerable ways and stood out for this reason so she likely attracted attention as an easy
target. In business, eyebrow lowering can indicate the relative strength of a position and in negotiation
show that someone is willing to surrender with little fight.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Interlacing Fingers and Palm Finger Stroking
Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.
When the fingers massage the palm or the fingers are interlaced together then gently rub up and down

as the fingers stroke the inside of the other indicate a person who is in doubt, has low confidence, or is
experiencing stress. As tension escalates the gesture will move from palm stroking into more rigorous
interlaced finger stroking making the two a progression of intensity. Thus while palm stroking is due to
mild doubt or slight confidence issues, interlaced fingers that rub up and down is to do a higher level of
anxiety.
Both gestures are excellent examples of pacifying behaviours meant to sooth underlying emotional
discomfort. As conversations intensify watch for increases in soothing body language revealing the
underlying anxiety.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Suckling And Mouthing Body Language
Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.
The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and
comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a
retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling
and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually
habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should
be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours”
because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying
language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears,
neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered
next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words
uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do
with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.
While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the
muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral
babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to
mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have
contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first
start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they

need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to
gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon,
and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today
we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary
explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense
that it more developed.
Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern
of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the
mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know
they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable
people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of
the mouth as they speak.
Lip play.
Hair tugging or stroking.
Sucking on a pen
Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of
their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast
and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a
finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this
type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Compressed Lips, Down-turned Smile And Lip
Pursing

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial
expression turns into a high stress indicator.
Compressing the lips to make them disappear is a universal trait done to signify stress. The
subconscious mind is essentially telling the body to close down and not let anything in. Babies do this
when we try to feed them yucky vegetables and when adults do it it’s because they want to shut out the
outside world. Tight compressed lips happen honestly and immediately so reflect true stress sentiments
revealing a troubled mind. When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (downturned
smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator. In 2008 at Eliot Spitzer’s news
conference where he discussed the matters of his involvement in a prostitution scandal he was
photographed quite obviously with a down turned mouth. The down-turned smile can show
unhappiness, anger, tension and depression when held for any permanent length of time. However, Mr.
Spitzer only briefly flashes this expression indicating the high level of stress he was experiencing as he
made his comments.
Lip pursing is done to indicate thought processing. It usually happens when someone is trying to come
up with an alternative idea. Catching this cue is highly useful during a proposal, such as reviewing a
contract, or a sales document, since it tells us that someone is at least considering our offer, but that
they might not be in total agreement. This can be useful while reading the document aloud because lip
pursing will happen in real time as judgment arises. Other adjoining cues will tell you whether or not
someone is prepared to accept or reject the offer and tell you how best to carry on. Other times, lip
pursing is done to show outright disagreement. Usually the eyebrows will frown in unison with pursed
lips. Lip pursing is a very reliable indicator of different thought processing, and it would be foolish to
ignore it. The reverse to lip pursing-judgment is full-lips which indicates contentment. Watch the lips
for these quick flashes will tell you a lot about what is going on inside someone’s head. In review,
compressed lips show stress, u-shaped mouth shows high stress, pursing shows that a person is
considering an alternative or when accompanied by frowning or additional negative cues,
disagreement.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Tonguing Language
A tongue jut is thought to have evolutionary origins as a food rejection mechanism. We stick our
tongues out to show distaste – either for others or even for what we’ve said ourselves.

Pushing the tongue through compressed lips is used to signal a cheeky attitude when done amongst
friends, but has a more sinister meaning when done in competitive situations. “Tongue-jutting” is used
in this case when people think they have gotten away with something, or have been caught doing
something they shouldn’t have. However, in this case the tongue usually is pushed through the teeth
and doesn’t touch the lips.
The gesture will be seen at the conclusion of an episode such as signing a contract or winning a hand at
poker by bluffing. Most of the time tongue protrusion happens when people feel they haven’t been
caught, but sometimes it’s actually because they’ve been caught. The statement reads “I’ve gotten away
with this”, “I’m telling a cheeky joke or making a cheeky statement”, “I’ve made a mistake” or “I’ve
been caught trying to pull a fast one.” Tongue through the lips or teeth can happen any place at anytime
but signals the same thing almost everywhere and that is that a person is doing something that is
pushing the envelop of acceptability or has gotten caught doing something that is unacceptable.
Obviously if we notice this tongue language we should review what has been said and suspect highly
that we’ve been fooled, cheated, that we or someone around us has been made the butt of a joke, or that
the tongue protruder has realized they’ve made a mistake.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Sneering For You
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Sneering often happens as a microexpression, meaning it only briefly flashes quickly across the face
before disappearing. It says “this smells fishy.”
During a sneer the buccinator muscles located on the sides of our face contract to draw the corners of
the lips sideways toward the ears. This produces a tell-tale dimple in the corners of the mouth and
cheeks. This is an expression that usually happens in just seconds and for this reason is honest, so is
loaded with meaning. Sneering is similar to eye rolling and is a signal of contempt, disapproval and
disrespect the world over. It signals a negative attitude and arrogance to views or persons to which it
accompanies.
Sneering says “I don’t care what you think, and I don’t respect you.” Because sneers happen as
microexpressions, they often immediately following a stimulus. This makes it very easy to link the
negative expression with its cause, serving to read the hidden thoughts.
Couples who sneer when listening to each other indicate that they lack respect and it has been shown
that it is a good predictor for breaking up. Sneering can be done by employees who think they know
more than their bosses, but whom resist speaking up because of fear of being fired, and by children
who lack respect for authority. Wherever sneering shows it’s ugly face, it is due to distain.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
The Ear Grabber
When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe
what I’m hearing.”

The ear grab refers to a subconscious desire to “hear no evil” and is done by reaching up and pulling
the ear in response to, either hearing something disagreeable, or saying something disagreeable.
Children make no bones about blocking their ears when being teased or scolded by parents, but as we
grow older, we drop the cue short because it is seen as juvenile, so instead we pull our ear, or earlobe.
The gesture is an attempt at preventing the sounds from reaching a deeper part of the brain. It also
sometimes represents anxiety and nervousness, and is classified as a defensive posture. We may see this
gesture arise just as a performer is about to take the stage in front of thousands of people.
The ear grab can be use not only at the conclusion of the lies of others, but also at the conclusion of our
own lies as well, and this is why it is referred to as a gesture that shows a desire to “hear no evil.” The
gesture used at the conclusion of our own lies serves to reduce what is called “cognitive dissonance”
which is the uncomfortable feeling that comes from holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously.
For example, a used car salesman might talk about the quality of a certain car, than pull on his ear lobe,
or more subtly, he might be found rubbing the edge of the ear, indicating that what he has just said is
untrue. In this case, cognitive dissonance stems from the telling of a lie which is inherently bad, while a
person feels that they are inherently good (it might seem odd, but everyone feels they are inherently
good, even murders justify their actions). So lie tellers bridge their bad thoughts due to cognitive
dissonance with the ear grab, until they have time to justify the lie to themselves. Therefore, it is the
pain of the dissonance that causes the ear grab in liars.
When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief as in “I can’t believe
what I’m hearing” and the same “hearing no evil” is at play. In this case though, it is the receiver, not
the sender, who wishes not to hear the lie. By touching or scratching the ears we hope that we can
satisfy the nerve endings and end the discomfort. In other words, when we hear bad things, we go to
our ears to try to turn the volume down. Other times, touching the ear means nothing at all and is
simply the result of nervousness or boredom.
Ears flush as a sign of stress – indicated by a tug on the lobe.
The ears often flush red when people are nervous which can be the case when they are worried about
getting caught in a lie. This is why the ear grab and flushing, can be great poker tells when people are
stressed about bluffing. The ear grab is a way that our bodies respond to the extra stimulation they get

when agitated and we go to them to scratch or pull on them as stress relievers. Think of the ear grab
like rubbing sore muscles or massaging a stiff back, except in this case the damage done is internal and
it’s due to something that has been heard, which “hurts” the ears. Anytime someone shows the desire to
touch their ear means that they are thinking about hearing, and it will be up to you to tie them to
context and decide what it is they are really saying.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Hostile Body Language
I think she has choice words for you.
Hostile body language is similar to sexual body language but only in so much as the gestures are made

figuratively to the object with which the action is intended. For examples, hostility can be displayed by
pulling or pinching at one’s own ears, cheeks, hair, or face. Figuratively these are actions that the
hostile persons wish’s to inflict against their agitator. The gestures are displacement signals meaning
they allow for the release of hostile thoughts through peaceful means that avoid (for the time being)
direct physical conflict. In evolutionary terms, the gestures serve as overt warnings that a more
damaging and dangerous bout might ensue, but offers a last ‘out’ which is the nonverbal display, before
things escalate.
We might see foot jabs against the leg of a chair, against the floor or other object. A fist might be
repetitively pound against the table with emphasis, or the classic fist to palm punch with some verbally
threatening language such as “I’m going to smash your face in.” When something is being pounded, the
object is a substitute for the foe’s face and the punch itself is a form of displacement of emotion and
energy. The pounding gesture is a more aggressive form of warning more likely to be done by men,
whereas women might show less aggressive and more subtle gestures such as biting, sucking or
chewing a lip or the inside of the mouth. As conflict approaches the combatants will begin to size each
other up by directly facing each other, the fists will be clenched, breathing rate will increase and the
chest will puff out to seem larger and more intimidating. Snarls will come from the faces of men
whereas women carry have dirty looks to scold their enemies. Other signals include strong and
persistent eye contact, glaring through unblinking eyes, turning red in the face and neck, cracking
knuckles and overt stretching.
Keep in mind that these signals are obvious and rarely mistaken for other signals and should be heeded
for what they are; an early warning system! Ignore them at your peril!

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
The Sequencing Of Rejection Body Language
The conversation ended a long time ago!
There are times when we are cornered or end up corning someone else through conversation, so
understanding the cues that indicate rejection (and acceptance, covered next) can be useful to avoid
unproductive conversations or as the case may be, to make the signals more poignant to others.
When people meet and rejection is present we see:
[A] The disinterested party turns their body and head away at a half turn.
[B] An expressionless face is assumed.
[C] The toes are re-oriented away from the speaker toward an exit, or other people. Distance separating
the speaker and listener may increase by taking a step away.
[D] Fidgeting increases, swaying from side to side, picking finger nails and so forth.
[E] Poor eye contact is present and the listener frequently looks away or down.
[F] No, infrequent, poor, or random regulators are given such as “mhum” and head nods.
[G] No engagement in the conversation, no addition of unique input.
[H] Opportunity to leave is actively sought despite lack of necessity.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
How Bodies Become Relaxed And Defrost
When people meet for the first time they keep a significant amount of space between themselves.
Quite literally, human bodies when comfortable undergo a thawing out process. Initially we start off
stiff and rigid, even appearing cold. But over time we open up and become more loose, ready to take
part in activities, or converse. Here is a summary of the defrosting process:
[A] Strangers meet, but keep their distance with arms and or legs crossed. Buttons and jackets are done
up tight.
[B] Legs become uncrossed, but arms remained uncrossed as we decide our company is no immediate
threat.
[C] Conversation is initiated, usually small talk, until a common interest is discovered. Once this
happens rapport begins forming and gesticulation is used to liven up the speech. At first, the arms recross
after speaking, but eventually they stay loose and drop to the sides or find themselves in pockets.
[D] Attire is loosened and jackets are removed.
[E] The legs become uncrossed and a foot is extended toward their company, but the back foot bears
most of the weight.
[F] If rapport increases and trust builds, the space between the strangers might shrink bringing them
into each others personal space zone.
[G] Touching in safe zones like the elbows and arms might solidify the relationship, but touching is not
always expected or common.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Neck And Nose Body Language
Covering the suprasternal notch is one of the nonverbal signals that is unmistakable and also reliable in
predicting emotional distress, one that shouldn’t be ignored.

The neck is an area that becomes particularly sensitive under pressure and like the cheeks, it becomes
red and engorged with blood when we become nervous. Women are particularly prone to bringing their
hand up to the “suprasternal notch” which is the dimple just below the neck between the Adam’s apple
and the breast bone when nervous, distressed, threatened, insecure, fearful or uncomfortable. Covering
the suprasternal notch is one of the nonverbal signals that is unmistakable and also reliable in
predicting emotional distress, one that shouldn’t be ignored.
While touching the neck and nose can be the result of fear or nervousness they can also be meant as
pacifying behaviours. Pacifying behaviours happen automatically, our brains send a message to our
bodies that we need to be pacified and out go our hands to serve the purpose. As always, it is important
to decide what kind of emotion has demanded the body language, be it nervousness as a result of
sweating (discussed below), or because there is an underlying threat causing fear that requires soothing.
Stress causes an increase in temperature which we try to relieve by “venting.”
Motioning toward our neck, scratching it, or pulling at a collar indicates we are “getting hot under the
collar.” Humans sweat in response to external temperature increases but also due to emotional stress. In
the case of emotional sweating, it is mostly restricted to the palms, soles of the feet and forehead.
However, when we become emotionally aroused our metabolic rate revs-up and we burn more calories.
This creates not just local sweating, but sweating throughout the body. Those under pressure can be
seen sweating voraciously under the armpits and down their backs even leaving visible stains.
Scratching the palms, in particular, has been shows to be a reliable indicator of stress but so too is
scratching the neck. Scratching is in response to the tingling sensation we feel on our necks as the
sweat increases and uncomfortable chaffing begins between tight collars and the skin. While some
experts purport that sweating can indicate lying, it’s actually a signal of frustration and heightened
emotion in response to pressure, and that this pressure can stem from anything, including simply being
“put on the spot.”

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?
Our noses can also signal stress, but more often signal disgust. The nose is full of blood vessels so
when we are stressed they fill up with blood just like the ears and neck. A person under stress will
frequently go to their nose and touch it, scratch it or rub it. Touching the nose has been linked to lying,
but like most lie detection cues, they aren’t absolute or reliable. We can tell when something is out of
the ordinary when someone touches their nose for no reason. They might wipe it with the back of their
hand or come up and touch it lightly with their index finger. The astute will find it obvious when

someone is touching their nose for the purpose of alleviating an itch instead of alleviating a lie (or
negative thought). Scratching is directed, specific, deep and vigorous, showing that some amount of
waiting was done before the gesture was performed. Thus more relief is present when the itch is real.
Itching due to negative emotions is general, shallow or glancing. This type of itch is done by bringing
the index finger up, by example and lightly touching the side of the nose where the nail is not used at
all. That is no real scratching is taking place.
An anti-politician gesture – you’d never see this type of uncertainty in any contender.
When we touch our face, we indicate indecision and insecurity.
Have you ever noticed how infrequently politicians touch their faces while in public and when they
absolutely have to, they make it look deliberate and minimal? They raise just one finger and scratch a
specific area, than they bring their hand back to their sides or use their hands to liven their speech.
When trying to appear honest, we should follow their example. Keep face touching to a minimum, use
it specifically, use the nail of the finger to show purposeful itching, and when finished resume normal
open and honest gesturing.
When ready people for honesty, be careful not only to watch for cues, but also be watchful of cues that
should be present, but aren’t. For example, if someone is describing emotional stress, they should
exhibit classic nonverbal behaviours. A woman claiming to have swerved to miss an animal sending her
automobile into the ditch should be agitate and on edge, perhaps covering her suprasternal notch as she
recounts the details. Failing to exhibit the appropriate cues tells us that she might be trying to pull a fast
one on us, perhaps trying to claim insurance so as to benefit from a payout. Looking for cues that
should be there, but aren’t, are sometimes cues in and of themselves.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
The Anti Crosser Is Uncomfortable
Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.
We’ve noted that leg crossing can and does show interest depending on whether or not they enclose

people or block them out and we’ve also seen how the figure four leg cross is a seated crotch display
and also that leg spreading shows dominance, but legs crossed also shows comfort. When the legs are
crossed they significantly reduce the ability to act quickly during confrontation and when it happens
while standing significantly reduces balance. Therefore, leg crossing is an important indicator of the
degree of comfort felt in any given situation.
Take the standing leg cross which happens by putting one foot behind the other. What is essentially
happening is that the body is supported by just one leg making escape from this position especially
difficult. Walking with just one foot is extremely cumbersome! This requires the feet to first uncross
before taking action and this is exactly what happens when we become uncomfortable or insecure
about certain presence. We’ve talked about the fig leaf position that happens by placing the hands over
the midsection to cover them, and this does happen when people feel timid or insecure, but not when
they are scared or fearful. A person standing in an elevator might stand with their legs crossed, but
when a stranger accompanies them, their legs will uncross and their feet will become firmly planted.
The subconscious mind is saying to the body that no chances should be taken here. While the fig leaf
position says “I’m uncomfortable, but escape is impossible because I must talk with this person”
whereas uncrossing the legs says “I have no idea who this person is and am unsure of them” and “I
know I can run at anytime, and I will, should the need arise so now it the time to prepare”
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Other Emotional Body Language
Stroking can take on many forms and depending on context can indicate the need for comfort.
Emotional body language can arise anytime the hands touch the face, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg
as a direct response to negative events. These negative events can be anything from an embarrassing or
sexist joke, being put on the spot, having to present to an audience or being asked a difficult question.
When viewing emotional body language keep in mind that men tend to touch their faces more often,
whereas women prefer to touch their hair, arms, neck, clothing or jewelry. Men also tend to be more

aggressive with their gestures and will tend to cup their necks just below their chins or will stroke the
back of their necks with their fingers. They might also be seen adjusting their tie or a shirt collar when
no such adjustment is required. On the other hand women will grab or play with a necklace or cover the
part of the neck just below the Adam’s apple and above the breast bone. Emotional manipulation can
serve to calm by reducing blood pressure and lowering the heart rate.
Like most emotional body language they serve to pacify the body to make it feel better by stimulating
nerve endings to release calming endorphins. For example, while in deep thought, the temples might be
massaged with one or both hands, the head might be scratched and when facing extreme difficulty the
hand might reach around and grab the back of the neck depicting a negative thought stemming from
emotional discomfort, frustration, doubt, insecurity or restraint. Rubbing the forehead is an evaluative
body language gesture, but it also signals an internal struggle where slight to severe discomfort is being
experienced. Exhaling air forcefully through a compressed mouth can also be a pacifying message
especially when done by a smoker, since it reminds him of a habit that calms him. We mentioned
chewing gum as a displacement gesture earlier, but even it is an oral pacifier especially if the rate of
chewing intensifies.
Some other examples of pacifiers include smoking cigarettes, licking the lips more, rubbing the chin,
stroking their face, playing with pens, pencils, lipstick, pulling the hair or scratching the forearms or
more subtly like brushing the hair, adjusting a tie (preening), or checking or playing with a watch
seemingly results driven and purposeful.
Some people have even been known to talk to themselves to make peace and are otherwise perfectly
normal and sane. These gestures usually find their way into the repertoire of people and become
favourites. That is, they will use the same ones each time when they become tense making it easy for us
to read them accurately.
When viewing these gestures keep in mind that they may ebb and flow in real-time to the level of threat
present. For example, imagine a tense negotiation between a couple who are making plans for their
honeymoon vacation. The wife might be seen cupping her arm under her elbow to support her arm
covering her suprasternal notch while the husband clasps the back of his neck in a restraint posture. As
he concedes she might drop one or even both arms, but without a concession from her of some sort, he
might remain negatively locked or might place his arms crossed on his chest. Sensing this, she might
agree to a compromise, or if she doesn’t, may stimulate him to ramp up his agenda futher sending her
back into an emotional state where she might begin fingering her necklace by playing with it.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Blocking Behaviour
An arm cups a drink and draws in in closer while forming a shield as protection.
Blocking is a term used to describe when a person wishes to distance themselves from a distressing
stimulus. Blocking is a part of the fight or flight response, and takes the form of the flight element
because it creates distance between things we wish to avoid.
“Eye blocking” happens by covering the eyes either wholly or in part. When viewing disturbing images
on the movie screen or even in real life, people will bring both hands up to cover their eyes or will
bring them to the sides of their eyes like the blinders used on horses to keep them from being
distracted. However, in this case the blinders are a nonverbal signal meant to cut something off from
view instead of driving focus on them. What is being said is “Oh my dear, I can’t believe what I’m
seeing.” Eye blocking is not just limited to things seen, it can be the results of hearing undesirable
things as well. Blocking can be abbreviated as when one or both hands come up to rub the eyes, or
seem to pinch the eyes from corner to center with just one hand. Other times, the hand comes up and
covers the eyes in part, with a partly clustered set of fingers so that view isn’t entirely obstructed. This
might appear as though the person is thinking, but no thought is going, just a desire to look away.
Blocking can be done by briefly touching one eye with the index and middle finger in response to
hearing something negative, by closing the eyelids for a longer than normal duration or more
dramatically by closing them tightly in response to hearing some particularly distasteful. Blocking can
also be done with books, articles of clothing or any other object.

These legs are interested – note how they are crossed toward rather than away.
Blocking can happen through the creation distance and also with arms and legs. For example, it is
common for people to move away from things, and people they don’t like, and move closer to things
and people they do like. We might see distance forming when a particularly bad offer is tabled at a
boardroom between competing firms. The contract might be shoved away, or parties might lean away
from the table or away from the speaker or the feet might be moved toward the nearest exit. We call
this type of body language “distancing language.” The legs might be crossed away from detestable
people, so the outer part of the leg cuts off access to the ventral (the vulnerable) part of the body. In an
extreme version, the arms can grab the ankle when crossed away so as to lock it in place. This is an
unmistakable signal of rejection through it’s denial of access. The hands also display like and dislike.
When a couple is in disagreement they will be seen moving their hands away from their spouse, usually
off the table and onto their laps and when they agree their hands will be brought back up or moved
closer. These sorts of general agreement indicators happen free-flow in real time so they reflect the true
sentiment and the stimulus that has caused it.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Blushing – The Colour Of Emotion
We are all familiar with blushing because we’ve all had to deal with it at some point or another.
However, most of us don’t understand the reason for it. Blushing is linked to adrenaline and cortisol
which are hormones that are released when we get excited, feel pressure or are nervous. Chronic stress
in our daily lives also drip these hormones into our blood streams potentially causing long term issues.
Adrenaline is released in order to prepare us to either fight or run away; the “fight or fight response”.
Adrenaline is tied to an increase in heart rate and breathing. The hormone also diverts blood flow from
the digestive system and shunts it to major muscle groups giving them a burst of energy. As a side
effect, our blood vessels that deliver blood to our faces dilate, meaning they relax or open, allowing
more blood to reach the surface of our face causing them to turn red.

It is unfortunate for some that they have a condition known as “erythrophobia” which is a fear of
blushing. Blushing is a reflex controlled unconsciously by our sympathetic nervous system, but in
people with this condition the mere fear of blushing causes them to blush, and so they blush much more
frequently with minimal stimulus. In all other people, there is a link to our emotions or our
environment, we can’t just think about blushing to make it happen, so it becomes much less of an issue
in our daily lives.
In most cases then, aside from those who suffer from erythrophobia, we can reliably use blushing to
determine someone’s level of stress where the greater the amount of blushing, the greater the stress. For
most, a small amount of reddish tint will appear on the cheeks, but before this redness appears we see it
in the ears, so be sure to check there first for signs of nervousness or stress. We should be careful
though because blushing only tells us that someone has received a dose of adrenaline, it never tells us
why. In other words, blushing is just a cue or signal, and in and of itself, has no meaning. Creating
meaning is our job.
It might seem counter-intuitive but blushing can be a good thing too and if you can control it by some
miracle, you can use it to your advantage. Blushing tells us we are embarrassed so it can signal to
others that we deserve some leniency. Blushing has the effect of saying “I’m sorry” without saying it,
which may result in a lesser penalty, especially in women and children. If you blush easily, match your
body language by using submissive postures and you’ll be more apt to get away with a misdemeanor.
Blushing can also signal that we are attracted to someone, which is obviously more advantageous to
women since it makes them appear more submissive, but in men will have the opposite result as they
are expected to act more dominant. Blushing, when done by women, essentially does the work for
them, making their thoughts known. Men who are aware of the signal and who fancy the blusher,
should seize the opportunity.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Gravity Defying Body Language
A convenient and accurate way to read someone’s level of happiness is to look for what is called
“gravity defying” body language. This is any gestures that makes it seem as if a person is floating on
air. We can also call these gestures of exuberance where energy is seemingly in no short supply, being
expended just for its own sake. Children will walk excitedly by bouncing up and down on their way to
see grandparents or to the town fair, and will sometimes even grab our hands so as to be swung to catch
even more air. When we see people with a “Bounce in their step” what we really are seeing is
happiness through body language as a person walks on the balls of their feet or when their arms swing
confidently at their sides.
When hockey players score a goal, they will immediately throw their hands into the air. The stick is
usually thrust upward in concert to defy gravity even more. Alexander Ovetchikin attained part of his
fame for his elaborate celebration displays by tossing himself against the hockey rink glass. Bobby
Orr’s superman dive after scoring the goal to win the Stanley cup in 1970 is one of the most
recognizable images in hockey history. He personified gravity defying body language. Fist pumping is
another common, yet much more subdued way to show happiness when we’ve succeeded at something
and football has no shortage of exuberant dance moves after scoring a touch-down.
Another gesture that is more commonplace in everyday life happens by when either a toe is raised
pointing upward while in a standing position with the weight on the back foot, or the while seated

where the toe is facing down, but the heel is upward. Both gestures are gravity defying and signal that
good things are happening. While standing, a person might rock back and forth on the balls of the feet
or seem to stand taller, more confident and more animated. When people are happy their arms are used
more to gesticulate during speech. Gravity defying gestures are rarely faked since they mostly go under
the radar and someone in a bad mood usually wouldn’t think of, or be able to hold the gestures for any
length of time. Interestingly, those with clinical depression are rarely seen doing these sorts of gestures,
instead their shoulders seem to slump and their arms do no more than hang at their sides. Those that are
insecure seem to let the weight of life keep them down and pin their arms to their sides.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
How Can We Tell If An Emotion Is Faked?
The uneven smile. This one is a fake!
Being able to tell the difference between real emotions and the body language that follows is a very

useful skill in reading people. Being able to detect fake emotions can help us decide who we can trust
and who is actually in agreement with us, versus those who are simply faking it. Liars and their body
language are covered more extensively later in the book, so it is of no direct concern here. Rather, here
we present rules of thumb that help us decide if facial expressions and emotions such as fear, sadness,
happiness, shame, guilt and disgust are real and genuine or feigned. Emotional fakery of sadness is
used to generate sympathy in order to gain various resources, and fake sadness is used to generate
leniency and therefore receive help in the form of favours. Being able to detect real from fake is a
useful skill because it gives the body language reader the power to decide what course of action is
merited.
So how can we tell if a facial expression is fake versus real? While body language readers can never
really know for certain, the face does subconsciously give us some clues that it’s not being honest. For
example, a fake emotion is one where there are symmetrical differences between the right and left side
of the face. That is, when the left and right side don’t match. A smiling face, where the smile is uneven
is a perfect example of a false smile and one that was covered in great detail earlier. The second telltale
sign of a fake expression is when it appears and disappears in a jerky, non-fluid manner. This tells us
there is doubt and uncertainty. The third cue that an emotion is faked has to do with eye movements
and directions. Looking downward and away indicates shame, guilt or disgust, looking down indicates
sadness. The final way to detect false emotions is by catching those that seem to be held for too long, or
seem over-exaggerated. Expressions that are so big that they are “over-the-top” or seem “out of this
world” and don’t flow with context or match timing expectations, meaning they don’t go with what is
being said, are more than likely fake.
The fear facial expression.
Sadness.
Other times, emotions are difficult to decipher. For example, when the eyebrows go up, they sometimes
indicate fear, but other times they are raised to indicate surprise. Fear is usually shown by showing the
whites of the eyes, raising the upper eyelids, raising the inner brow and tightening the eyelid. However
it is important to note that raising the inner brow can show sadness, lowering the brow can show anger
or mental effort and tightening the eyelid can show anger or disgust.

Anger
Disgust.
Some expressions are only seen very rarely, which is the case with the more extreme expressions
making them difficult to study. These facial expressions also happen very quickly, so it’s not always
easy to spot them. Usually the expressions are encoded by the viewer in large part to the context in
which we find them. For example, jumping out of the bushes and yelling at someone is bound to create
a surprised look, but can you decide if a face absent of context shows fear or surprise, what about
sadness? It’s not always that easy, but absent of slow motion photography and mind reading, the rules
of thumb covered here can make the process simpler and more manageable.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Universal Facial Expressions
As discussed in chapter 2, there are six main facial expressions that are found throughout the world.
They are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust. Each expression involves three
independent parts of the face, the forehead and eyebrows, the eyes, eyelids and upper part of the nose
called the “root” and the lower part of the face including the lower part of the nose, cheeks, chin and
mouth. Here is a breakdown of the six facial expressions:
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Happiness.
Happiness (smile): The gesture is done by slightly raising the lower eyelids, wrinkles appear below
them, crow’s feet may form at the edge of the eye. The mouth lengthens as the corners move out and
up. Lips may part to show upper teeth and the cheeks rise and bulge narrowing the eyes and creating
wrinkles around the nose and mouth.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Sadness.
Sadness: Sadness is controlled mainly by the mouth where it drops at the corners. The inner eyebrows
rise producing a triangular shape between the root of the nose and the eyes. The forehead might show
wrinkles and the eyes may appear moist with tears.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Surprise.
Surprise: The eyebrows curve upwards, wrinkles form in the forehead and the whites of the eyes
become visible through eye widening. The jaw becomes slack and opens.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

The fear facial expression.
Fear: This expression is sometimes confused with surprise as in much of the world only subtle
differences exist. During fear, eyebrows rise and are pulled together, and curve although less than in
surprise. Wrinkles appear in the forehead, but do not cross the entire forehead like in the surprised
expression. The upper eyelids rise, as in the surprise expression, to expose the white of the eyes and the
lower eyelids also rise. The lips may be stretched back and the mouth opened.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Anger
Anger: In this expression, eyebrows are pulled down and inward and creases form between the
eyebrows. The eyes narrow and take on a hard stare. The lips are often tightly clenched and the corners
pulled downward. The nose is sometimes flared.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Disgust.
Disgust: This facial expression contains the most meaning in the eyes and the lower face. Here, the
lower eyelids rise and lines appear in the skin below them. The cheeks move up, the nose is wrinkled
and either the upper lip is raised or both are raised.
___________________________________________________________________________________

__________
Ever thought about why our noses are down-turned rather then some other orientation, such as
sideways or facing upward? The answer has nothing to do with preventing rain from falling in! Disgust
is a very honest facial expression when it happens because it can happen in microseconds to indicate a
particularly distasteful thought. The facial expression is rooted in rejection of spoiled foods which is
why a large portion of it involves the nose which is used to detect off-putting scents. To evoke disgust,
just imagine the smell or rotting flesh! In real life it instantly causes the nose to snarl and prevents us
from stomaching potentially deadly foods.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Emotional Downtime
We all check out and spend some time inside our own heads – even while out in public.
It might not surprise you to know that everyone needs time alone every once in a while, or even once a
day, but what might surprise you is that we actually need time to ourselves minute by minute. All day
long we are bombarded with a multitude of people, from our coworkers, to our spouses, friends, to
cashiers at stores and those who share our commute with us in the streets. Even with almost seemingly
endless social interaction the research shows that every three seconds, on average, we ‘slip away’ to be
with our own thoughts and to internalize what is happening around us. This ‘downtime’ allows our
brains the time it needs to process, the information that is happening all around us.
We know someone is in downtime by their body language which includes having the head titled away
or to the side, shifting the shoulders at an angle, or looking to the right or left for a fraction of a second.
The eye patterns in downtime are what psychologists call ‘conjugate lateral eye movements.’ All these
cues are tells that the mind has moved into processing mode and is no longer accepting new
information. Other cues indicating emotional downtime include pauses in breathing, subtle chewing of
the lips, or very brief eye freezes or glazing over.

Knowing about downtime can be used to our advantage so as to give people enough time to take in the
new information presented rather than overwhelming them, confusing them and possibly putting them
off for good. The simplest way to do this is to watch for downtime cues and then pause or slow speech
accordingly. This will give the listener enough time to look away momentarily and process the
information. Once we learn about someone, and their character, it will be easy to find their cues to
downtime and therefore proceed at a reasonable pace for them specifically.
A second type of downtime is more extended, and happens in the absence of other people. The purpose
of this downtime is to escape daily stress and pressure, and to help us recover. The need for downtime
is obvious. We become stressed or over-stimulated, our thought process becomes hazy and we can’t
think straight. Our faces will also become blank and expressionless, and our eyes will glaze over and be
unmoving. Other times we feel under-stimulated and detached from what is going on around us, and
feel that we need to get away to re-connect. During this period we begin to withdraw by avoiding eye
contact, dropping our heads and shoulders, and switching off our ears. We may zone out in such a
significant way that we have trouble even feeling someone if they happen to brush up against us. When
downtime like this happens around other people we’re asked to ‘snap out of it’ only to reply with
“Sorry, I was zoned out” or “I must have spaced out.” The most respectful thing to do when you notice
someone in this state, is to leave them be, instead of interrupting them. Remember that they slipped into
downtime for good reason, it’s not just to ignore you! In fact, as we saw, it has much less to do with
negative reasons, than personal constructive ones. Downtime serves to relax the minds and set it back
onto the right course before getting back to business.
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Cocooning
There are two forms of cocooning, one is mild, the other extreme. Cocooning is a terms used to
describe the body language which shows others that we wish not to be bothered. I outlined a method
previously that my wife employs while out shopping where she wears a set of headphones to tell others
she isn’t interested in socializing. Another form of cocooning happens while in deep concentration,
while studying for example, or while working at a cubicle. This posture occurs by placing both elbows
on the table and drawing the hands up to the forehead so as to put “the blinders up.” The intention of
the blinders is to tell others that we are under stress and are trying to block out the rest of the world so
we can deal private matters.
Extreme cocooning on the other hand, is a complete shut down posture where the head collapses onto
the thighs while in a seated position. The posture is a form of self hugging as the arms are drawn in and
the legs are held together tightly. We see this form of cocooning only rarely as it is due to extreme
circumstances such as deaths of close relatives or massive natural disasters where houses and villages
are destroyed. The aim of the posture is to completely close off external pressures and internalize what
has just happened.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Turtling – It’s When The Head Goes Into It’s
Shell

Turtling is a limbic response to confrontation. The head sinks, shoulders shrug, and the body takes on a
smaller form to avoid being seen as a threat.
The posture happens as the head seems to sink inside the shoulders, however, what is really happening
is that the shoulders are slowly being raised so the neck disappears taking the head with it. It is as if the
head is being swallowed by the shoulders. We see this posture when people are uncomfortable, have
low confidence about themselves or a topic, have insecurities, feel weak or powerless, ashamed, or are
carrying any other negative emotion. It is usually found when someone is centered out on their poor
performance. The origins of the head turtle is to protect it from harm. For example, when people hear a
very loud bang, they will quickly pull their heads inward and down, and tuck their chins. However,
when it is done out of shame, it happens more slowly and deliberately so as to draw even less attention.
It usually happens when people want to appear less significant so they are ignored rather than called on.
In business the head duck will occur when subordinates meet with superiors as they try to stand out less
and look less significant or when employees wish to be overlooked during status reports at a boardroom
meeting. It might also happen in class when the professor is calling on students who don’t have the
answers, or when athletes have to walk back in shame to their dressing rooms after losing an important
match.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
The Types Of Hugs
An intimate hug is obvious by checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the
more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders by leaning in!

There are two types of hugs and each one indicates a different level of intimacy. The first is called the
“full body hug” and is reserved for sexual partners. This type of hug is characterized by full chest to
chest and hip to hip contact. Since the bodies are so tightly pressed together, the genitals might also
touch incidentally. The second type of huge is the “light social hug”, the main hug for acquaintances
and friends, and happens when the shoulders come together as the torso hunches forward, but the hips
remain apart.
Hugs have a secondary hidden meaning as well. The longer the hug, the more intimate and affectionate
is the relationship. A pat at the end of the hug indicates that one party would like to “submit” from the
hug and terminate it. This gesture is similar to the actions wrestlers to do “tap out.” Taps also show
feigned or meaningless hugs, or even unwelcome hugs, especially if the tap happens early. Most people
think tapping while hugging shows comfort, but sexually romantic partners and close family members
do not pat, they embrace deeply and squeeze tight.
The hips, during a hug, also have a very significant hidden meaning. That meaning is conveyed directly
through the distance to which they remain separated and that distance tells us a lot about the type of
relationship two people have. Hugs that happen between family and friends will have at least six inches
between the pelvic regions of each person, whereas hugs from lovers have no, or very little space
between the hips. The torsos of lovers also move tightly into each other’s intimate zones enveloping
each other. The degree to which hips remain separate, or rear-ends are extended outward, whichever
you prefer, and the amount of contact that takes place in the upper chest, tells us what degree of
intimacy is present between huggers. Light hugs as we saw, can include only light shoulder contact,
and in extreme light hugging, the bodies might not press together at all. The arms and hands might
form a closed loop from shoulder to shoulder “around” them, but the chest and shoulders might only
seem to move slightly closer, or seem to bob in quickly before moving out, not coming any closer than
a foot. The hidden language of hugs can tell us a lot about the relationships around us, even potentially
juicy ones like those brewing amongst staff members. A careful eye at the next social affair might
uncover some cheeky relationships!
Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Additional Emotional Body Language
A whole host of other body language is associated with emotion and fear such as a pale face, dry
mouth, damp eyes, avoiding eye contact, trembling, speech errors, voice tremors, varying speech tone,
increases in sweating, tension and jerky movements, gasping or holding breath, red face or neck,
widening of the eyes or raised eyebrows, grimacing and trying to change the topic. Be aware too, of
smiles that are dishonest or faked or stress filled as these can be a dead giveaway which was covered in
an earlier chapter. These smiles will be quickly flashed across the face or permanently held under
extreme anxiety where only the lips are stretched across the face.

Chapter 11 - Emotional Body Language
Summary – Chapter 11
This chapter focused on emotional body language. We began by discussing New York style body
language called “displacement behaviour.” We saw that displacement behaviours include actions set to
preoccupy in order to dehumanize the outside world – especially in more crowded areas. The list of
behaviours included nail biting, gum chewing, grooming, tapping the does, head scratching or playing
with jewelry, but can also mean looking and acting ‘out of touch’ or closed off.
Next, “fight or flight” was finally shifted to “freeze, flight or fight” finally putting it into the proper
order. Following this was clenching behaviour where we found that actions such as gripping the wrist
of the opposite hand in behind the back, or wringing the hands out like a wet article of clothing, are
forms of restraint. We also hit on nervous hands and how shaking can tell us a lot about what sort of
emotions a person is experiencing.
We then moved onto poor self image and the language that tells. Here we found that auto contacts
including stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the
fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, are linked to insecurity since they attempt to provide
reassurance. We hit on eyebrow lowering and that when they are permanently lowered by the newly
incarcerated it signifies easy prey for existing inmates. Interlaced fingers and palm finger stroking, on
the other “hand”, were both labeled as emitted by those with negative thoughts. In the section on
suckling and mouthing we saw that the mouth and lips provide a target for tactile gratification to
provide comfort. Here we saw that anytime the fingers go to the mouth or lips to suckle, that our target
is regressing to an infantile stage, and is trying to regain the security they felt as a child.
We found that compressed lips indicate stress, down-turned smile unhappiness, anger or tension, and
lip pursing indicates that a thought, usually negative, is being processed. We found that tongues can
depict deep concentration or a cheeky attitude, and that sneering signals contempt, disapproval and
disrespect the world over. Ear language was covered next and we learned that ear grabbing refers to
“hearing no evil” showing disbelief or an attempt to close off communication by blocking the ears.
Hostile body language, on the other hand, was found to be more similar to sexual body language, but
only in so much as the body language showed through figuratively onto ourselves when we would
much rather inflict it onto others. Examples of such hostile body language included pulling or pinching
at one’s own ears, cheeks, hair, or face. Next we covered the sequence by which bodies reject and then
how they relax.
We discovered that the neck becomes particularly sensitive under pressure and like the cheeks, it
becomes red and engorged with blood when we become nervous. Thus when people are under pressure
they tend to touch or cover it so as to pacify. Women also tend to cover their “suprasternal notch” when
they are experiencing anxiety. We found that people who don’t cross their legs are generally
uncomfortable because crossing significantly reduces the ability to act quickly during confrontation and
exit. Next we found that the eyes and the body can block unwanted thoughts and images, that blushing
indicates emotion and anxiety, and that asymmetry can show when emotions are faked, gravity defying
behaviours means people are happy, and that there are six universal facial expressions. We learned that
asymmetry is what tells us honest expressions from fake ones. We also discovered that everyone, no
matter how extroverted, requires emotional downtime, that timid people will cocoon and that guilty
people will turtle. We also found in this chapter that full body hugs, where the chest and hips make
contact, shows sexual intimacy, and that light hugs, where the shoulders touch shows friendship. Lastly
we covered the “hug-ender cue” or the “tap out” that tells others that the hug has run its full course and

one party wishes to submit. We concluded with a list of additional emotional body language.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Introduction – Chapter 12
When people “jive,” they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.
Mirroring or “isopraxis” is as important to lifelong friends as to strangers meeting for the first time,
since mirroring is a way to test and maintain the level of rapport being established between two people
or groups of people. Mirroring as it applies to nonverbal communication describes body postures, body
positions and gestures that are held in unison or echoed a few seconds later, across people as they
interacting. When full mirroring appears it is as if each person is looking into the mirror and seeing
their reflection. When full mirroring happens, it indicates a high level or rapport, or connectivity
between people.
We mirror as a form of bonding with one another, and it happens without our conscious awareness. In
fact, mirroring is difficult to carry out in a natural way at a conscious level as we will see in this
chapter. The evolutionary origins of mirroring might stem from imitative learning, where gestures and
movements or skills are passed from one person to another. Children learn to imitate our facial
expressions and quickly graduate to imitating our body positions, and then later they imitate us as we
carry out tasks. If you’ve even driven with a youngster, you’ve watched them pretend to drive with
their arms up, rocking the wheel left and right, or working the stick shift. Imitation has been said to be
the greatest form of flattery and in mirroring this is the case.
In ancient times, mirroring would have created group cohesion and identity. Sports groups, riot officers,
firemen, and a myriad of occupations all wear the same uniform. It is this dress that formulates the
beginnings of the behaviour that eventually leads to a group’s ability to functioning in unison. Imagine
if policemen all showed up in different dress and tried to control a crowd. To the rioters, they would
seem as if they were rogue rioters themselves which would only exacerbate the problem. The rioters

would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would
only lead to additional chaos.
However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress
and comportment. They wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front.
The uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was
able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could
adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he
could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. The
results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be
tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be
initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. The uniform, because of mirroring and rapport,
provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not.
This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of
behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion
and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are
in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. The rioters escalate
their terror for the same reason. They are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar
behaviour.
Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in
every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing
with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to
right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the
music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the
same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep
that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound
quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row
of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a
bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We
compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates
social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation.
Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar
places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has
a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even
if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of
friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in
unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect
in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin
sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses.
Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear
sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential
suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family
together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how
we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind!
Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others
either. This is covered in the pages to follow.

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
The Chameleon Effect (Mimicry)
It’s like looking into the mirror – and we see ourselves. This eases our tension.
A term first coined by Chartrand and Bargh in 1999, the “chameleon effect” refers to the unconscious

mimicry of postures, mannerisms, facial expressions, and other behaviours such that one partner in an
interaction passively and unintentionally changes his body positions to match that of others. He further
describes that this changes are context specific and person specific. There are some key points in this
idea. First is that the mirroring happens without conscious awareness, which will become important
later as we explore the applications of mirroring. Second, a persons perception of another’s behaviour
works to increase the likelihood of it appearing in others.
In other studies it was observed that nonverbal mirroring increased over time within a group of people.
Rapport, liking, empathy and group building also increases over time. When students were asked to
mirror the nonverbal language of their instructor they reported a stronger sense of involvement with
them. It has even been reported that the absence of mirroring can even produce differences amongst
people instead of just inhibiting cohesion.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Research Into Purposeful Mirroring
A 1999 study by Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh, showed that forced mirroring had a positive effect
on liking. In this study, half of the time researchers either mimicked or did not mimic subjects. The
remaining actions and behaviours remained the same across both groups meaning that the only factor
being manipulated was either mimicry or lack thereof. The participants who had been mimicked
reported a greater liking and reported that the conversation carried on much smoother then what was
reported by subjects that did not receive any mirroring.
Another study showed that mimicry arouse spontaneously amongst strangers. In this study, participants
were examined interacting on two separate occasions. In the first session the researcher interacted with
the subject while purposely rubbing their face and in the second, they shook their foot. Videotapes of
the session showed that the participants mirrored the actions of the researcher, that is, when the
researcher rubbed their face, they did too, and when they shook their foot, so too did the subject. At the
end of the study, when asked of their awareness of their mannerisms the subjects pleaded ignorance to
their mimicry. This suggests that imitation when around others is spontaneous and happens without
prompting. In other words, we naturally imitate others.
Dutch researcher Rick van Baaren and colleagues in a 2003 study demonstrated that mirroring leads to
a greater sense of closeness between people. In this marketing study, body posture and mannerisms of
participants was either imitated or not. Subjects that were mirrored rated the researchers significantly
higher on a closeness rating scale. Thus, despite feigned mirroring, subjects still reported greater liking.
In a second study it was found that tipping size increased by sixty-eight percent simply by verbally
repeated the orders of patron and in a third study, individuals were more likely to help someone who
had dropped items when they had been previously mirrored.
Mirroring can therefore be a powerful and practical tool when used deliberately as evidenced by the
research. The research suggests that the propensity to mirror is an adaptive way to converse more
efficiently and smoothly. Several other studies show us that people are both more likely to imitate
others whom they like, and also like those of which they imitate. This has implications on persuasion
since liking has a profound effect on our influence of others. The research also tells us that others are
not normally aware of the mirroring that is happening around them, nor of the effect mirroring has on
their actions and beliefs. In essence, mirroring is an effective and powerful tool which can be used to
create bonds, build rapport, and in essence, get what we want from others.

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
What To Mirror To Gain Favours
When people’s bodies are out of sink, the differences of opinion are amplified.
Proper mirroring is far from the game we play as children. The goal of kid’s is to irritate their opponent
with exact copying of gestures even expressions and word, whereas the goal of adults is to formulate
agreement and rapport. In adults, necessarily, more subtle mirroring must follow. In the experiments
listed above, the researchers set to mirror only those actions which occur subconsciously, those that
happen out of normal awareness. Movements such as foot shaking, body scratching, face or hair
touching or changes in posture are good ways to start the mirroring process. Your goal should always
be to avoid getting caught consciously mirroring someone else since being detected will create negative
feelings more so than if no mirroring was done at all. Motions such as leaning in, crossing legs and
folding arms can also be used, but must be done with caution since these are much larger motions and
can be more easily detected.
Echoing which is like mirroring where similar body postures are replicated, but of which happen
sometime later, is a technique that makes the rapport building process more subtle. In echoing, postures
and gestures are not concurrent with what is going on with others, but instead happen after some time
has elapsed. To be effective, echoing happens within thirty seconds to a minute of separation, but can
even happen with several minutes of separation, where only subtle rapport is felt.
Where body positions are fluent, yet echoed, and bodies seem to jive as if in an elaborate dance and
where conversation flows smoothly we find “total synchrony.” We say that these people are on the
same “wavelength.”
Some ways we mirror with our bodies:
[A] Shifting weight from one foot to the other foot or keeping the weight on the same foot.
[B] Leaning on a bar top or up against a wall or other structure.
[C] Crossing the legs in the same direction or opposite direction when facing each other.

[D] Keeping the legs uncrossed.
[E] Gesturing with the hands similarly.
[F] Drinking in unison or holding drinks with the same hand.
[G] Placing both hands, or just one hand, on the hips.
[H] Leaning in, or leaning out.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Using Mirroring In Negotiations
Negotiation finds itself in all walks of life. Even small children know that negotiation is important as
they work to secure toys and privileges from parents and other children, although sometimes they
revert to brute force and temper tantrums! Adults focus on bigger ideas, and negotiate for jobs, salaries
and sales. Part of your occupation likely involves some form of negotiation on a daily basis but even if
it doesn’t, most people find that negotiation finds itself in their personal lives as well, if not just to
secure a better deal on a mattress or a watch at the hockshop.
We soon learn that our ability to influence, persuade, and interact with others play a large role in the
final outcome and within this social game are liking, trust and therefore rapport. He who can control
these factors best, will secure the large piece of the pie! Negotiations can be stressful affairs because
we are almost dealing with a limited resource in some respect or another and this increasing the
propensity for competition. It is the element of competition that further breeds distrust and conflict.
Having methods to dilute these negative elements are of vital importance.
One of the key factors in negotiations is the desire to withhold information especially as it applies to
more novice deal makers. We naturally expect deception and competition in deal making and so we
prepare for the worst, but in actual fact, this preconception leads us to destroy the odds of coming out
of the affair on the upside. Rather, research shows that it is the sharing of information that creates
cooperation, builds trust, and influence others such that they see your side and empathize with you.
Ultimately this empathy is what leads to positive outcomes for both parties, within the limits of
constructive possibilities for both parties, of course. When negotiating, we must still balance
cooperation and information sharing within the realms of the game such that we don’t give up too
much information or reveal the outer limits that we are prepared to submit as loses to our negotiating
partner. But this does not mean we shouldn’t be upfront about our net positions, as there is always a
possibility that both parties can find mutual benefit, but if neither party shares information, how would
anyone know what is at stake?
This brings us to mirroring as an effective tool to bring negotiators quickly onto the same page without
using risky or damaging dialogue. In a 2008 study by Maddux and colleagues individual negotiators in
an imagined negotiation scenario where instructed to subtly mirror the actions of the other. It was found
that mirroring helped them secure a better outcome and allowed them to perform better as a whole than
negotiators who were instructed to focus more on their own strategy and where no mention of
mirroring was given. The subjects that mirrored in this experiment created more value for themselves
under the parameter of the study and that benefit did not come at the expense of their opponents. The
study suggests that mirroring creates more information sharing which lead to a greater ability to bend
on concessions and hence formulate more positive outcomes for each party.
In their second study, they used two groups once again. One was instructed to mirror and the other was
instructed to use their own strategy. In this case however, the subjects either acted as a buyer or seller
and they were negotiating the purchase of a gas station. In the scenario, which was cleverly devised,

there was no overlap in the price with which the seller was willing to accept and of which the buyer
was willing to pay, making the negotiation more than about price alone. Some key outside factors that
played into the negotiation was that the seller was keen to leave quickly to travel caused by burnout
from running the gas station, but that upon his return he would require employment from the purchaser
to recover some of his expenses. This was compatible with the interests of the buyer who wanted to
hire managers to run the station in the future. The deal hinged upon the desire of the seller to divulge
this information and to what degree, if any, either party would drop or raise their closing price. Not
surprisingly, ten of fifteen groups where buyers were instructed to mirror led to an acceptable deal,
whereas only two of sixteen reached a deal where the buyer did not. They also cross referenced the
level of mirroring with deal success and found that as mirroring increased, so too did deal making. As a
positive side effect, trust also increased with mirroring.
It’s obvious from these studies that mirroring can have a profound positive effect on negotiations. They
can open the channels of communication and release valuable information between parties resulting in
creation of value, deal making and trust. When no mirroring happens, deal making suffers, but when
mirroring happens both parties stand to benefit.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Using Mirroring In Negotiations
Negotiation finds itself in all walks of life. Even small children know that negotiation is important as
they work to secure toys and privileges from parents and other children, although sometimes they
revert to brute force and temper tantrums! Adults focus on bigger ideas, and negotiate for jobs, salaries
and sales. Part of your occupation likely involves some form of negotiation on a daily basis but even if
it doesn’t, most people find that negotiation finds itself in their personal lives as well, if not just to
secure a better deal on a mattress or a watch at the hockshop.
We soon learn that our ability to influence, persuade, and interact with others play a large role in the
final outcome and within this social game are liking, trust and therefore rapport. He who can control
these factors best, will secure the large piece of the pie! Negotiations can be stressful affairs because
we are almost dealing with a limited resource in some respect or another and this increasing the
propensity for competition. It is the element of competition that further breeds distrust and conflict.
Having methods to dilute these negative elements are of vital importance.
One of the key factors in negotiations is the desire to withhold information especially as it applies to
more novice deal makers. We naturally expect deception and competition in deal making and so we
prepare for the worst, but in actual fact, this preconception leads us to destroy the odds of coming out
of the affair on the upside. Rather, research shows that it is the sharing of information that creates
cooperation, builds trust, and influence others such that they see your side and empathize with you.
Ultimately this empathy is what leads to positive outcomes for both parties, within the limits of
constructive possibilities for both parties, of course. When negotiating, we must still balance
cooperation and information sharing within the realms of the game such that we don’t give up too
much information or reveal the outer limits that we are prepared to submit as loses to our negotiating
partner. But this does not mean we shouldn’t be upfront about our net positions, as there is always a
possibility that both parties can find mutual benefit, but if neither party shares information, how would
anyone know what is at stake?
This brings us to mirroring as an effective tool to bring negotiators quickly onto the same page without
using risky or damaging dialogue. In a 2008 study by Maddux and colleagues individual negotiators in

an imagined negotiation scenario where instructed to subtly mirror the actions of the other. It was found
that mirroring helped them secure a better outcome and allowed them to perform better as a whole than
negotiators who were instructed to focus more on their own strategy and where no mention of
mirroring was given. The subjects that mirrored in this experiment created more value for themselves
under the parameter of the study and that benefit did not come at the expense of their opponents. The
study suggests that mirroring creates more information sharing which lead to a greater ability to bend
on concessions and hence formulate more positive outcomes for each party.
In their second study, they used two groups once again. One was instructed to mirror and the other was
instructed to use their own strategy. In this case however, the subjects either acted as a buyer or seller
and they were negotiating the purchase of a gas station. In the scenario, which was cleverly devised,
there was no overlap in the price with which the seller was willing to accept and of which the buyer
was willing to pay, making the negotiation more than about price alone. Some key outside factors that
played into the negotiation was that the seller was keen to leave quickly to travel caused by burnout
from running the gas station, but that upon his return he would require employment from the purchaser
to recover some of his expenses. This was compatible with the interests of the buyer who wanted to
hire managers to run the station in the future. The deal hinged upon the desire of the seller to divulge
this information and to what degree, if any, either party would drop or raise their closing price. Not
surprisingly, ten of fifteen groups where buyers were instructed to mirror led to an acceptable deal,
whereas only two of sixteen reached a deal where the buyer did not. They also cross referenced the
level of mirroring with deal success and found that as mirroring increased, so too did deal making. As a
positive side effect, trust also increased with mirroring.
It’s obvious from these studies that mirroring can have a profound positive effect on negotiations. They
can open the channels of communication and release valuable information between parties resulting in
creation of value, deal making and trust. When no mirroring happens, deal making suffers, but when
mirroring happens both parties stand to benefit.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
What Stops Mirroring?
Because mirroring is so efficient and useful to us, it should naturally happen across all people in equal
proportions and remain consistent across time, but this is far from true. While differences in
connectivity happen between various groups of people or cliques, we also feel more connectivity to
certain individuals within a group. Therefore, mirroring will have various strengths across various
pairings. Over time our goals and needs change too, and so too do our opinions and ideals. So as we
develop, our relationships to people also change. The level of rapport we feel with another person
affects the level of mirroring, and a lack of liking can even stop mirroring dead. There are many factors
that affect mirroring or lack thereof such as inward versus outward looking people, high versus low self
monitors, and the goals desired. If mirroring should suddenly turn cold or fail to start at all, we should
be aware of possible explanation just in case it is something we can control or fix.
Inward looking people are those that define themselves specifically by virtues or characteristics
attributed directly to them. Inward looking people call themselves intelligent, tall or friendly. Outward
looking people, on the other hand, create their identity by their social role, the groups they belong to,
their friends and relationships. Someone who sees themselves outwardly will say they are a daughter, a
mother of a son, an aunt and the coach of a soccer team. Outward looking people will also be more
likely to affiliate with others, and will therefore tend to partake much more in mirroring. Inward

looking people will be found to resist mirroring, and extremely inward looking people can even
become uncomfortable with mirroring. Extreme inward looking people who wish to maintain their
identity will show their discomfort by consistently modifying their body positions to become different
than their counterparts so as to clearly maintain a line of separation.
Mirroring is also affected by another personality trait called the desire to “self monitor.” Self
monitoring is defined as the desire or ability to regulate oneself to fit into any given environment.
“High self monitors” are more likely to change their behaviour in lieu of the situation and seem to be
less consistent across context. This personality type is more likely to mirror others. “Low self
monitors” are just the opposite, and remain pretty much the same across most situations. They don’t
tend to feed off others or try to please them by acting differently in order to fit in. They seem less
interested in “belonging” to groups and seem hold the same values across settings. Naturally, this type
of person tends to mirror others much less.
The final reason for mirroring inhibition stems from having different goals. When ideas differ we want
to send a clear message that our minds don’t agree. Mirroring under perceived disagreement can
become particularly discomforting and put people on edge. Testing general agreement without using
risky verbal dialogue can be done by mirroring our counterpart and verifying the degree to which they
accept imitation. If they quickly adopt new postures, than there’s a good chance that they disagree.
Mirroring is reserved for those that are highly motivated to get along with others due to their
personality traits coupled with the rewards that are in it for them in particular.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
When Mirroring Can Backfire
Mirroring can backfire around people who want to dominate instead of build rapport. Your boss who
takes you aside and wants to put the “rivets to you” isn’t going to respond to mimicry. In fact, trying to
mirror him is likely going to make matters worse. In most cases, a dominant boss who displays
dominant body language is not interested in employing someone equally as dominant. The default
condition, or rule of thumb, to working with dominant people, unless lead otherwise (by your boss), is
to show submissive postures. Fight dominance in superiors with submission, that is, hold your legs
together, arms inward and hands on your lap.
There are a few exceptions when dominance should be fought with mirroring such as when we wish to
rise in ranks by building equality with our bosses or wish to compete head on with other dominant
people for positions or perks. Other times a boss will require someone specifically to hold a position of
dominance, so will be looking for someone who reminds them of themselves. Bosses will seek these
people for higher management. Lawyers can and should posture dominantly to each other. For them it
can work to thwart challenges. It is expected in lawyers, and in other professions, to fight fire with fire,
but in normal circumstances, mirroring will only raise the hackles of others further.
A second related instance where mirroring is not advised is during confrontation and aggression and
this defines our second rule of thumb which is to avoid mirroring in hostile situations. To avoid a full
blown fist fight, diffuse aggression with submissive postures. This doesn’t mean you can’t come out the
winner, it just requires a different approach. More than anything it requires defining winning in a
different way than traditional. In other words, walk away unscarred, alive and you’ve won!
The final caveat to mirroring is to use it only during win-win negotiations and avoid it during win-lose
negotiations. Win-lose situations are when one side clearly wins and the other looses. Poker is a win-

loose situation where one person wins the chips directly from another person, whereas win-win
situations happen anytime prices have room for flexibility such as negotiating on the price on a piece of
carpet, a car, or a house, where once the price is agreed upon both parties will benefit. Other
arrangements that are win-win are partnerships that involve no money at all, but rather an equal input
of labour. Therefore, our final rule of thumb is to only use mirroring when there is give and take
involved, or when the task includes cooperation beneficial to both sides. The caveat, of course, which
was mentioned previously, is that all mirroring must always go unnoticed for it to be effective.

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
When Mirroring Creates Flow
We’re both “the captain!”
Matching speech patterns is an effective way to build rapport and create flow and it includes changing

dialect, speech rate or tempo, pitch, tonality, voice inflection, use of words and even accent. This is
what is called the “communication accommodation theory” and it has been heavily researched. It also
forms a part of neurolinguistic programming (NLP) which was covered previously. The theory’s main
proposition is that during interactions, people modify their communication behaviour and patterns to
more closely resemble the person with which they are trying to gain the most from. Gains in this
context can include social approval, employment, or to build friendships and rapport. NLP also goes
much deeper than just mirroring speech patterns to include mirroring other facets of a person’s traits.
The theory says that people can also differentiate their speech patterns so as to appear more dissimilar,
and thereby create division in personalities or ideas. As is the case with all forms of mirroring,
similarities attract. Whereas a significant portion of mirroring involves body positions, verbal mirroring
can also be potent. Accents are immediately recognized and when they appear they immediately
conjure thoughts of dissimilarity. Mirroring language patterns is a good way to quickly reduce
differences and show a willingness to interact positively. Mirroring in language can include matching
humour type, frequency and style. If speech is free of humour, than to connect with that person,
dropping humour altogether would be advantageous, but if they lace personal humour or self
deprecating humour then using a few jokes yourself can help build a connection. Similarly, matching
analogy use, the use of questions, matching chattiness or matter of factness of the conversation, use of
hand gestures, eye contact and even sentence structure can build rapport quickly. Far from being a
copy-cat game, it’s a subtle matching of the speech patterns preferable to your counterpart and adopting
them yourself. Even if we don’t consciously use this technique to build rapport, subconsciously we do
it anyway, especially if we like the person. Effective use of NLP can build comfort, relaxation and
create familiarity. Perfected, the technique will create instant friendships and lifelong bonds. At worst,
its use will lead to a lowering of barriers between people and a greater likelihood of being welcomed.
When two people match speech patterns exactly or nearly, we can this “pacing.” Conversation will
appear to flow uninterrupted and information will be shared backwards and forwards between the two
people. Pacing can include more than just verbal actions. Regulators such as head nods, gestures and
micro movements call all work together to create a rhythm. Speed of speech is one important factor to
maintain. Speaking too quickly can put pressure on people as they will feel that it is difficult to
properly express their views and opinions. Anyone who’s conducted an important interview over the
phone with a broken connection with someone they’ve never meet in person knows how hard it is to
maintain pacing. The pauses created by the poor connection leads people to jump in to speak despite
the fact that the other person hasn’t yet reaching their conclusion. This creates a choppy, disjointed,
cumbersome, and even painful conversation. Twins and family members are best at pacing, as are close
friends. Rapport is when closeness is developed making people more alike in their thought process,
than different. Speech matching is a technique that recognizes the differences in communication styles
between people, but rather than dwelling on these differences, forces people to accept and even
incorporate these traits into their own speech to quickly build rapport with others.
High order NLP in speech and rapport requires much more attention than this book can ever give it, so
this brief summary was only meant as a primer for future research. If this kind of technique fascinates
you, I highly recommend reading further, it is a very illuminating area of study.

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Why Our Pets Look Like Our Kids And Couples
Like Each Other
Why is it that married men and women look similar to each other? Do we subconsciously choose
partners that look like us, or is something else at play? You probably at least suspect by now that some
element of body language is involved, and you’d be right. A 1987 study by Zajonc and colleagues from
the University of Michigan set out to discover if couples really to look alike and why this is so. They
had subjects compare photographs of married couples when they were first married to photographs
after twenty-five years of marriage. The results showed that there was an obvious similarity within
couples, that is, they looked alike, and it was also found that couples that had greater facial similarity
tended to report greater happiness.
When couples live together they begin to look alike, and this trend happens over time, as the
researchers discovered, since new couples had less facial similarity than did older couples. This was
explained due to the tendency to mirror one another and empathize with our partners emotions. This
causes facial musculature to become increasingly more toned in similar areas as our partners. It is these
expressions that create wrinkles in specific patterns around the eyes, mouth and forehead, which in turn
carve our faces into ones that mirror our spouse. With time, the even the root facial expressions become
the norm for each and happen with or without the spouse being present. This phenomenon isn’t isolated
to our spouses, it can be found in our children, or anyone else that spend a great of time with us. It has
been said that our personality is the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Perhaps
this also extends to our facial expressions! Mirroring is a very profound force in our lives and we
should note and correct our bad habits in our expressions. When greeting your spouse, or children do
you smile gleefully or is your face expressionless or worse, does it scowl?
The appearance of our pets is an entirely different matter since animals have very restricted ability to
move their faces and the emotions they experience don’t come across to us in the same way that it does
with people. So why is it that our pets look like us, but more so like our children? The answer lies in
neoteny, for one, and secondly due to selection preference. Pets through extensive breeding tend to
have more neotenized features. For example, their eyes are often droopy, their tails and ears lay flat
instead of standing erect and they have soft fuzzy fur. Dogs through eons of artificial selection pressure
have retained only a select few traits of their wolf ancestors especially in its adult form. Humans much
prefer dogs that appear “cute”, play fetch, leap and bound, and wrestle to dogs that attack and kill prey.
It should be noted though, that some masters do relate to this type of animal and adopt similar pets.
Neoteny explains why dogs look like children, and our interests, purpose, or intention for the dog
selects the breed while our own physical appearance influences which dog breed we eventually choose.
In other words, we choose dogs in our own unique image and likeness because we relate to them. This
is why we find aggressive tattooed owners with pitbulls, dainty pink-loving celebrities with toy dogs or
“tea cups” and why tall skinny people choose bigger lengthy dogs like greyhounds.

Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Who Is In Charge Of Mirroring?
An employee enters his boss’s office as he has called a meeting to discuss the possibility of a pay raise.
The employee sits down and raises his case. He has been there for several years and feels that he is due
for some form of compensation for his loyalty. As he states his case, the subordinate employee
appropriately mirrors his boss’s subtle nuances, he touches his face when he does and fixes his hair, and
leans forward when he does. As the employee hits on a particularly sensitive issue, his overtime
commitment, which the boss has been firm about being nearly mandatory for the position, the boss
quickly moves back into a full body steeple by leaning back with his hands locked behind his head and
crosses his legs in a figure four. What should the employee do? The answer is simple, he should
concede this stance to his boss as its obvious through his body language that he’s not willing to let this
issue slide. When it comes to mirroring, it is always best to use it for rapport building, and not to
induce hostility. The boss wins when it comes to dominance and should the employee mirror his
steeple, would suffer, perhaps not immediately but at a subconscious level this body language will
grind on his boss. Eventually, and if repeated with consistency, the boss would sense something wasn’t
right which might lead to even worse hours or job details. The boss would only perceive his negative
feelings about his employee as “dislike” or that “something isn’t quite right.” If the goal was to usurp
his position and take his job, the employee might consider mirroring his stance to set an air of equality
or superiority. Similarly, two high ranking individuals should mirror each other to signal that they hold
similar power and won’t be easily pushed over.
A dominant person always has more choice when it comes to mirroring than less dominant people. A
boss that wants to build rapport with his employee can acceptably let his guard down and mirror his
actions. This can be particularly handy when the goal is to welcome a new worker whom is particularly
tense or nervous. The boss should still refrain from picking up nervous cues, but he should feel
welcome to mirror any other gesture. Therefore, when considering the use of mirroring, it is important
to note the relative status in the hierarchy. The rule of thumb is that the most dominant individual calls
the shots in mirroring, and so long as gestures aren’t dominant displays, others should feel free to
follow to successfully build rapport.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Who Mirrors More, Men Or Women?
Research conducted in 1981 by researcher Marianne La France out of Boston College found that
women are much more likely to mirror others than men, and the more feminine the women the greater
their mirroring. This isn’t surprising at all given the nature of mirroring. As we have covered thus far,
mirroring is a form of empathy and rapport building. Mirroring is also a form of submission because
one person must initiate positions first, and the other must follow. Women are nurtures by nature and so
tend to want to build relationships, one of the tools they use more proficiently is mirroring.
Further research suggests that men are four times less likely to mirror other men, than women are to
mirror another woman. Women have also been found to frequently mirror men, whereas men rarely, or
only reluctantly, mirror other women, with only one exception, that being during courtship. The reason
for this lies in Erno Herman’s research with Leiden University in Netherlands who in 2006 discovered
that the administration of testosterone to subjects reduced empathetic behavior through facial mimicry.

As mirroring requires an emotional connection in the form of empathy, estrogen rather than
testosterone, is a more facilitative hormone. This gives us vital clues to the role of mirroring, and brings
us back full circle to the core issue dealt with here, which is that mirroring is a form of rapport
building, of which men are less prone to take advantage of.
The fact, as we have covered extensively in this chapter, remains that mirroring can be a great skill in
most all facets of life. If you don’t already have it as a part of your repertoire, you should, and if you
are a man, should consider it strongly because chances are you don’t do it naturally. Women rate men
who display more facial emotions as more caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive which is freely
reported by women especially during courtship. This trend naturally extends throughout other areas of
life, especially business, but a certain degree of minimizing of expressions should be used when men
deal with other men. The research tells us that men tend to rate men who mirror facial expressions in a
negative light, describing them as more effeminate. Along the same lines, women who adopt more
serious facial expressions when interacting with men, will be seen by them as more intelligent. Thus, to
appeal to the opposite sex, the rule of thumb is to use “sex swapping characteristics” whereby we bend
toward the sex’s preferences to create more similarity. In other words, men should appear a bit more
feminine when interacting with women, and women should appear a bit more masculine when
interacting with men.
Men are at an inherent mirroring disadvantage though as researchers have found that they can make
fewer than one third the facial expressions that a woman can. What they lack for in facial expressions,
though, they make up for in emotional expressions through the body. Therefore, reading body cues is a
much better area to consider when reading men. The lack of facial expressions in men, which might be
seen as a natural disadvantage, is turned into dominance because men appear less emotional and more
“in control”, appearing to maintain their “cool” under more circumstances than women. This doesn’t
mean that men fail to experience emotions, because brain scans tell us otherwise. It just means that men
are better able to hide their emotions from the rest of us. Women shouldn’t be fooled into thinking men
aren’t listening or even empathizing with them simply due to their pan-faced expressions. Women
should though, be more watchful of men’s body language, that which happens in areas other than their
face, to read their emotions and when they mirror should follow what happens with their arms and legs
rather than what happens in their faces which will only be minimal. Conversely, men should do their
best to mirror women’s faces as best they can, and make up for whatever expressivity is lacking
through other body language channels.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Summary – Chapter 12
In this chapter we found that mirroring is one of the quickest and most efficient ways to build rapport
with other people. It can be done consciously to gain an advantage and if done properly will go without
noticed. It is effective to create liking, acceptance and formulate bonds. We discussed the chameleon
affect where unconscious mimicry of postures, mannerisms, facial expressions, and other behaviours
occur between people of like minds. We looked at various studies showing that even purposeful
mirroring has positive effects, creates and reveals liking in others, and helps gain approval. We found
that proper mirroring is unlike the childhood game “copy-cat” where we imitate to irritate.
Proper mirroring, we found, works best by subtly picking up on unconscious gestures such as foot
shaking, body scratching, face or hair touching or changes in posture. We discussed that mirroring that
includes more dramatic gestures like leaning in, crossing legs, or folding arms, must always be done

undetected lest it cause irreversible damage or negative thoughts. Echoing was compared to mirroring,
with one key difference. That is, we found that echoing happens when similar postures were taken up,
but only after some time had elapsed, rather than immediately as in mirroring. Echoing was therefore
described as a more subtle way to build rapport. We found that mirroring can help find common ground
during negotiations by creating cooperation and empathy instead of deception.
We also talked about what issues can arise to inhibit mirroring which includes resistance from inward
looking people who define themselves by whom they are rather than their associations with others, self
monitors who tend to obey their own internal regulators instead of modifying themselves by
environment, and the final reason was outlined as outright disagreement. We discussed how mirroring
can be matched to create perfect flow through changing dialect, speech rate or tempo, pitch, tonality,
voice inflection, use of words and even accent and is called “communication accommodation theory.”
We defined perfect speech patterns as “pacing” where information flows uninterrupted and in rhythm.
Next we solved the puzzle as to why our pets look like our kids and couples look like each other, how
our bosses and superiors call the shots and we should only sometimes mirror them, and how women
mirror more than men overall.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Introduction – Chapter 13
He could learn a thing or two from this chapter.
In dating, men are the initiators, or aggressors, right? Wrong! In fact, the vast majority of the time
women are the ones to give off signals first which cue men to approach rather than the other way
around, and men usually don’t approach unless they perceive some form of attraction. I suppose the
problem as women see it, is that the signals they give off are often under subconscious control so they
never realize they are actually compelling men to approach them. This is what makes this chapter so
important for both men and women who are newly entering, still playing, or even those who are reentering
the dating game. It will help men identify sexual cues from the cues we’ve seen so far which

are non-sexual, and will help women focus on delivering the message they truly wish to communicate,
or don’t wish to communicate, so as to avoid any confusion or unwanted solicitation.
She could learn a thing or two from this chapter.
Dating and courtship is ultimately about testing the willingness of a particular man to invest in a
particular woman, with the net result producing children and hence a family. Sometime we fool
ourselves into thinking there is much more than this involved, or that family creation has nothing to do
with dating and courtship, but in reality there isn’t so. Some feel that dating is just for fun and nothing
serious is at hand, and while some encounters are aimed in that direction, inevitably with brains that are
evolutionarily hardwired to assess and realize the real risk of pregnancy stemming from sexual
encounters, everyone considers and catalogs this risks with each and every partner. Thus, at play are
cues to our fitness, health, vigor, sexiness and attractiveness which we evaluate as spoils which may be
passed onto our children through our sexual partners. Birth control has played an effect on us, and we
do treat sex more casually, but we still don’t choose partners willy-nilly. Women, try to draw courtship
out by putting off sex, so as to solidify her bond with potential mates. Courtship, especially long ones,
give women cues to a man’s ability and desire to invest in her with our form of resource; money. In our
evolutionary history, men would have been good catches if they could build and maintain shelters,
protect women from dangers such as other men and predators, had various skills like fire building, and
of course the ability to regularly predating other animals for meat. The more time he invests initially,
she thinks, the greater investment she will receive from him in the future.
Body language is a fundamental part of courtship. As we have learned, verbal language is risky and not
only because it may lead to embarrassment, but because it often requires a verbal response from others,
which can turn out to be tragically embarrassing. Keeping spoken words out of courtship initiation
process and therefore out of consciousness will save us plenty of grief from being openly rejected, or
perhaps even worse, negative feelings with having to reject. Using and reading nonverbal cues
therefore is important in courtship, so pay particular attention to the following signals so you can judge
interest yourself, without saying a word. Courtship signals are extensive and complex, perhaps
numbering in the thousands, so I will only cover the basics here. For those that want more detail, they
may wish to read my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language
(2007). Much more emphasis is placed on instruction for men to help them read women better,

although it can be helpful to women who wish to send more appropriate signals of attraction, rejection
or to simply bring from the subconscious the signals they use all the time.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Why Men Don’t Seem To Get It And Why
Women Are Half The Problem

Some men are naturals – the rest of us need to work at it!
Research conducted in 2008 by Dr. Coreen Farris of Indiana University shows that men just don’t get it
when it comes to sexual signals. Her study had an initial group of both males and females rate images
based on four categories (called affect groupings): friendly, sexually interested, sad, or rejecting. From
that sample they chose an additional set of eighty men and eighty women to rate the final images into
affect groupings once again. A photo was kept if the majority of men and women categorized the
picture into the same affect group. The results showed some interesting findings. Men not only mistook
non-sexual cues for sexual cues, but they also mistook the sexual cues as non-sexual.
The confusion men have when rating women’s nonverbal sexual signals probably has everything to do
with the fact that men have twenty times more testosterone than women and so their perception of the
world is viewed through ‘sex-coloured-glasses’. In terms of evolution and efficacy of spreading their
seed, this makes sense, even though at times it can lead to unwanted or embarrassing confusion.
Because of men’s inability to read cues properly, this chapter is heavily aimed identifying cues that will
help men read the signals more precisely. The subtext of the chapter though, is aimed squarely on
women to turn them into better deliverers of their true intent so as to avoid unwanted solicitation. In
other words, women carry a clear fifty percent share of the fault when it comes to poor courtship cues,
as are men in reading them. If women can improve the clearness of their signals, men can, and will
respond more appropriately. When it comes to men, a precise, direct signal is best.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
It’s A Women’s Job To Attract Attention
Men prefer a direct approach – study the signals, put them out there and men will respond. Simple.
Researcher in 1989 by Dr. Monica Moore of the University of Missouri in St Louis conducted a study
of how women interacted in public. They specifically examined nonverbal language as it pertained to
attracting attention from men. In the study, they followed eighteen to thirty-five year old women in

singles bars. In all, she monitored her subjects for fifty-two different kinds of gestures and behaviours
so she could relate them back to their effects on others. Some of the cues included, smiling, touching,
pouting, skirt hiking, leaning toward males, brushing up against a man with her breasts or body, tossing
her hair, gazing such as lowering eyelids, raising and widening eyes, throwing quick glances, flipping
or tossing the hair or giggling.
Two interesting results stemmed from the research. One, the flirting was location specific. Most of the
flirting happened in singles bars and was virtually non-existent in other locations. The second major
finding was that women who signaled most often, where also most often approached by men. However,
men that sent out signals in this way, fail miserably at receiving attention from women. In another
study, researchers found that up to seventy percent of all courtship is initiated by women and ninety
percent of the time, trained observers were able to accurately predict the outcome of interactions that
stemmed from overt female behaviour. In this study, observes looked for cues such as upward palm
gestures, primping, caressing one’s body with the hand, requesting aid, crossing and uncrossing legs,
and exhibiting solitary dance movements. If you think attractiveness of subjects had anything to do
with approach, think again. In fact, it’s the frequencies with which these behaviours occurred which
had the greatest affect on drawing men in to approach. Attraction is in the eye of the behaviour. More
attractive females showing few signals, attract less attention. If it’s your goal to reduce attention,
eliminate positive body language. It’s not much more complicated than this.

‘Accidental touching’ is a subtle and low risk way women can initiate courtship.
Attractiveness plays little or no beneficial part in solicitation, as mentioned above. It has been said that
men approach women who are near average or slightly above average most frequently and
mathematically this should be obvious. Most men are average looking and it is them who are seeking
out average women. Men might gawk at particularly hot women, but they rarely build up the courage to
cross their “league” for fear of being rejected (or wasting their time). While average men could
approach and possibly succeed in lower leagues, they’d be faced with having to lower their standards.

As sad as it is, men and women seek to best maximize the attractiveness of their partners, and in most
cases it involves dating someone of similar attractiveness.
Researcher Adam Kendon filmed a kissing couple in 1975 and found that it was the woman’s
behaviour, particularly her facial expressions, that regulated and modulated the behaviour of her
partner. Other research shows that women also modulate stages of intimacy through their nonverbal
body language by allowing or disallowing the breach of stages. Women also tend to control the
initiation of conversations between strangers too. For example, when no eye contact is made by the
women, others don’t approach or start conversations. So in summary, there really is no excuse, it’s the
women’s job to solicit, or reject, as the case may be making it vitally important for both women and
men to recognize the signals of sexual solicitation. Next, we do just this!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Most Common Female Sexual Signals
Lip licking can be a cue of sexual interest, but only if other cues are present. No cue, by itself can be
taken to mean any one thing.

Nearly every motion of the body can be construed sexually, but only properly read as sexual within the
right context. Take for example proximity, which can mean interest, but independent of context, means
nothing. Getting stuffed into an elevator may lead to accidental touching but this doesn’t mean a girl
fancies a guy, but in context with other signals, could mean that she does. She might go out of her way
to stand next to him even if the elevator is only partially full, or she might cast intermittent gazes.
Unfortunately, these low key signals are often thought to be clear signals of interest by the women who
send them. Women figure they’re obvious and overt, and when the man she fancies doesn’t reciprocate,
she takes this to mean that he’s disinterested. Even if she gives him the benefit of the doubt she might
“ramp” things up a little bit to get him excited by looking up into his eyes and licking her lips making
them glossy, but even these subtle hints can pass for normal affect. From these cues alone, should he
know what is going on?
The simple answer is, no, he shouldn’t, he needs more obvious clues to discern interest. Maybe she
licks her lips regularly, maybe she’s a natural close talker and ignores the personal space of those
around her as part of her personality explaining her willingness to stand so close or maybe she’s just a
friendly kind of person. Men need concrete reasons to solicit because what women are asking of them
is risky and potentially embarrassing. Without “coming over the top” which can than be risky for
women, they should offer controlled, directed and continuous signals of interest to test his willingness
to pursue. Signals should begin subtly and grow in intensity with the passage of time, especially if the
hint isn’t being picked up and there is a strong interest in creating attraction. Women should not assume
that just because he doesn’t respond to a smile, that he’s completely without interest. He might be
doing his version of being polite, or gentlemanly. Along similar lines, men should resist approaching
any and all women, especially those that only put out mild cues. Men should let women dance a little
too, as this will raise sexual tension, show that they are worthy as a mate because they aren’t
supplicating all over them, and that they have inherent value. This isn’t to say that they should ignore
cues altogether, all cues are important to recall, but it does mean that they should resist acting on vague
ones.
In this chapter we first we cover the most common sexual signals for women, and then we move onto
ways in which men can signal sexually in the pages that follow. For now, let’s look at what women can
do to be clear about their sexual interest to men, so as to reap the results they desire, and in the same
breath we outline the cues that men should be watchful of in women as cues worthy of pursuit.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
She Displays Submissively, Sexually, Gets Closer
And Builds Rapport

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.
Most sexual signals a woman imparts has some component that is rooted in appearing submissive. A
very large part of dating involves relinquishing power to our partners and most often it is the woman
who allows herself to be dominated by men, rather than the other way around. You might think that it
untrue, that women today share equally or tend to “wear the pants in the household”, and that feminism
has equalized the sexes, but if you take the act of sex by itself, absent of whatever else happens in the
couple’s dynamic, it is plainly obvious that men dominate the act. Sex, is done by penetrating the
women’s vagina with the man’s penis. The very act alone requires her to submit to him, and
relationships are no different. Now I do understand that women control the household, some even
control the finances, but women still hold and give birth to children and the brain is still hardwired to
prefer a dominant man who can assist in raising that child. These points, and not withstanding the
myriad of variations with respect to dominance and how it fits into relationships male dominance still
holds true for the “norm” – for the average. There’d be no point in talking specifically to couples that
use sex in more creative ways that what the human body is naturally equipped for, or couples where
women seek the upper hand and wish to be in control at all times, for the exact reason that it is a huge
minority. Almost universally, women prefer men who are larger and more dominant in relation to
themselves. When women select their mates the seek men who they can respect, and part of this is
directly related to his status. When women, and men for that matter, lack respect for their partner, it has
a directly influences on their level of happiness and the amount of conflict they endure in their
relationships.

The “hands on hips” or hands “akimbo” make men appear larger and more dominant and therefore
more sexually attractive.
Body size differences between the sexes are a good indicator of how we come together. The average
man is universally larger and more muscular than the average woman, which gives us predictive
powers of how men and women come together. Nearly in all cases, women choose men who are larger
and taller than them, and the research shows this. People are not alone in the sexual dichotomy, as
many other species where the male is larger on average come together similarly. In a solid relationship

each party is submitting to the needs and desires of the other, which naturally leads into a perpetual
negotiation. However, during the initial stages of intimacy, it is the woman who is nearly universally
required to submit for sexual intimacy to develop. It is my contention that men require women to
submit through their ego and preference, and women crave it in order to set off a visceral response that
eventually produces within them a desire to have sex or submit. If men and women can’t get over this
initial stage of negotiation, no long term relationship will follow and no partnership, equal or unequal
will follow. Therefore, accept it or not, men prefer women that show submissive postures, and as
mentioned, I believe that women if allowed to, actually enjoy the submissive process, no matter how
archaic it sounds. In other words, there’s nothing sexier to a women than “being swept her off her feet.”
Some of the most common ways to display submissively includes turning the toes in called pigeon toes
or “tibial torsion”, shoulder shrugs, exposing the neck or wrists, head tilt, smiling, the forehead bow
and childlike playfulness. The second class of signals relates to making a women appear sexier and
playing up her sexual aspects. Some of those signals include tossing the hair, tilting the pelvis, the
parade, the room encompassing glance, grooming and preening, the leg twine (where the legs are
tightly pressed together) and leg crossing, hiking the skirt and or dressing provocatively. The third way
to indicate interest are proximity related such as moving closer, pointing and eye contact which is
figurative closeness, touching and crossing the legs toward rather than away. The remaining signals are
rapport building and are the ones we find most obvious, although as they relate to interest, aren’t as
significant. These signals include verbal contact and are less significant because by this time we usually
know things are going well, and that interest is present. Echoing and mirroring is also part of sexual
body language and is known within this category as “the nonverbal mating dance.” Now that we have
cues in loose categories, we can look at them in more detail.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Tibial Torsion And Shoulder Shrugs To Appear
Childlike

Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller
form.
Another word for “tibial torsion” which is the anatomical term, and one we are more familiar with, is
“pigeon toes”. “Pigeon toes” refers to aiming the toes and feet inward at a slight angle reducing their
outward profile. The opposite of this posture is toes outward called “splay footed” or “duck footed”
which is a military type posture and a signal of dominance, but only relatively speaking. Meaning that
any body movement that is meant to, or leads to, the shrinking of the body’s profile where less space is
taken up is a submissive cue and where more space is taken up is a dominant cue. So relative to having
the toes pointing directly forward, which has no meaning, the toes pointing inward and outward, mean
submissiveness and dominance respectively. Women in courtships displays, as we initially outlined,
take up submissive displays to attract the attention of men. I have classified this in the same department
as shoulder shrugs because they are very similar, perhaps not in their appearance, but in their effect.
With all submission signals, the net effect is to create a less threatening profile and to appear more
childlike.
Interestingly “tibial torsion” is also a childhood condition where there is actual anatomical inward
twisting of the shin bones located between the knee and the ankle causing the feet to turn inward. This
condition arises due to the position of the baby in uterus, but is not at all what we are referring to with
respect to hidden sexual body language. Tibial torsion in a dating context, performed by women who
have no underlying anatomical deformities happens for the purpose of making the body appear smaller
and more submissive, rather than due to a medical condition. Medical deformities can also apply to the
toes as they point outward or duck footed too, and so are not always indicators of dominance per
se.Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Forehead Bow, Smiling And Childlike
Playfulness
This interest posture is hard to miss.
The forehead bow is a posture done by artificially lowering the head, then looking up at a man from

under the eyebrows in a “come hither” fashion. It has roots in the full bow done as a greeting gesture
since it exposes the top of the head making it vulnerable to attack. Just like neck and wrist displays, it
indicates that trust is present within courtship. It also comes off as a childlike gesture primarily because
children are shorter than adults and habitually peer up at them. As we age, we recall these gestures and
go back to them when wish to revive juvenile submissive feelings. The opposite to the forehead bow
happens by tilting the head back and looking down one’s nose at someone, which is a judgment posture
and is seen negatively.
Smiling frequently can sometimes be sexual, but accompanying signals must be cataloged to create
certainty. Women will smile for a great variety of reasons and will smile regularly to appease men for
no other reason besides habit. Smiling is a natural part of being a woman and while smiling alone is
submissive, it doesn’t necessarily indicate sexual interest. Accompanying signals must adjoin smiling
for it to be a true sexual signal. If smiling is done over a shoulder, with pouting lips and partly closed
eyes, as in the sideways glance, it should be taken as a sexual cue, but absent, should be construed only
as a regular appeasement gesture and nothing more.

Tickling and other play related actions habitually show up during courtship.
The final most common type of submissive signal is childlike playfulness which isn’t a type of posture
at all, but it is a form of nonverbal behaviour so it is included here. Stealing a hat, playful teasing,
tickling, playing hide and seek or peek-a-boo around objects are forms of play and submission. Acting
like a child shows that a person is ready to let their guard down and feel that no threat is present. Threat
is a recurring theme as it relates to courtship because a big part of submission is trusting that a man will
not abuse the power he is potentially about to be given by a woman. Women begin by providing

submission is small doses to see exactly how it is handled. Should she trust him at great lengths without
prior history, she will have set herself up for hurt or worse, either emotionally or physically. The act of
sex is a risky undertaking for both sexes, but particularly for women, and while we have many ways to
reduce the risks in our current society, we still hold the evolutionary hardwiring to fear all possible
repercussions.

Shoulder shrugs make the outline of the body much narrower.
The shoulder shrug is another childlike posture and happens when a woman let’s her guard down. It is
often subtle and occurs subconsciously as a small raise of the shoulders and sometimes is accompanied
by an eyebrow flash. Other times it is more pronounced and the head lowers or bows in unison with the
shrug and is held for some time. Some other related cues of interest include shoulders up, shoulders
flexed or shoulders back to flex out the breasts. The head tilted at forty-five degrees, as we have seen in
a previous chapter, shows interest in what is being said, but as it relates to courtship also shows sexual
interest. In fact the head turned at forty-five degrees is one of the most universally recognized courtship
signals especially if it is accompanied with a headbow and eyes cast upwards making batty eye contact.
One last cue, and one that is especially potent, is looking over a raised shoulder. Women do this flirty
gesture as they gaze at men of interest. Instead of squaring themselves off and looking straight into his
eyes, her body faces away and she looks over the shoulder which seductively teases him. This posture
emphasizes the curviness of the shoulder and exposes the vulnerable neck. It is particularly alluring
when done by women wearing a strapless outfit!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Wrist And Neck Exposures
The wrist is a vulnerable part of the body, so when it is flashed, we know that our company trusts us.
What is sexier than an exposed wrist and neck? Well, almost anything I suppose! While these body

parts aren’t inherently sexy on their own, they have roots as visceral responses linked to
submissiveness. These two areas of our body contain many nerve endings so are very sensitive. A
kissing on the neck can run shivers throughout the body and send a woman into fits. Our wrists, to a
degree, but our neck in particular, is an extremely vulnerable part of our bodies which we defend
rigorously if attacked and the genes we have as a result of eons of evolutionary history supports this.
One well placed bite to the throat by cat like predators instantly immobilizes their prey. In a dating
context, women show their trust and willingness to submit to men, by revealing their necks and wrists.
You can imagine a woman might seductively remove her long hair by bringing it over to one side, or
twisting it around a finger then flexing over flashing her neck. She might tilt her head to the side by
dropping her head and bring her hand up to carefully stroke and caress the skin on her neck just lightly,
so as to draw a man’s eyes on her. In more over cases, woman can even display sexually by coming so
close that the neck invites a kiss.
Stroking the neck is a way women can ramp up sexual flirtation.
Exposed wrists can come in many forms. They might be revealed in an obvious fashion by placing
them on a table with palm up. Added emphasis maybe placed on them by stroking them with a hand or
even with the wrist of the opposite arm. Self touching also shows arousal and shows that someone is
thinking about being touched, only in this case she is using self touching to satisfy the needs that are
currently not being met by the person she fancies. Wrists can be exposed in less obvious ways as well,
and these are called wrist flashes. Whenever the palms come up the wrists can flash. Palm flashes are
also form of submissiveness and also honesty as we have hit on before. The more flashes, the more
interested is delivered. Other incidences of flashes appear as a woman, pulls up a sleeve, plays with her
earlobe, or strokes her hair.
Above: While constructing the photographs for the book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction
and Sexual Body Language we ask Julie to show female interest through a neck display. Neck are
sensual in dating and attraction because they are full of nerve endings and are vulnerable so when
exposed could lead to certain death. While this might not sound sexy in the least, a neck exposure is a
signal of the desire to appear subordinate to a more dominant suitor. Neck displays are thus a way of
saying that a women is prepared to accept a man. Learn more about sexual body language of women by
picking up a copy of the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language

today!
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Sexual Hair Play
Women’s nearly uniquely long hair is a feature to be exploited in seduction.

Hair tossing is done by women to show off their luxurious hair to men. Hair tosses can be done by
flicking the hair over the shoulder or away from the face. Hair can be removed from a band and twirled
or rolled and placed on top of the head to expose the neck. Other hair signals include running the
fingers through the hair to preen it, wrapping the hair around the neck or curling it around the finger.
Added sexuality can come with a lip lick or moistening of the lips with lip gloss or adding lip stick to
make them appear red and seductive. Having the lips slightly parted as if blowing a small stream of air
through them can escalate the cues even more dramatically.
For hair play to be a sexual cue, it will be done in association with eye contact, absent of which might
just be a form of soothing auto contact. Eye contact turns a fairly random gesture like touching the hair
into one that is directional, meaning the eye contact sends the message to a person of interest. Other
times, women use signals to “fish and lure” where signals happen in a more broadstroke fashion, absent
of eye contact and direction, sent off into the room at large. These types of signals are done by women
out of their conscious awareness by women who are hopefully available, but not always, as a response
to inner thoughts and desires, turned into motivators. Women will deny this last fact, but the results
speak for themselves by increased male attention. Playing victim by stating male come-ones as
unwanted and annoying is naïve at best as the science says that women put out these signals so that
men will see them during peek sexual receptivity. I suppose this does give women a case, for while
they may have subconscious sexual feelings, they may not wish to act on them, but because of their
hardwiring do. However, now that you have read this (as a woman), you are more aware of the
underlying reasoning, and so have no more excuses! If women don’t want to be approached, show a
cold shoulder, if they want not to be approached by specific men, given them no leads or incentives.
Use body language to get the results you want.
Some other examples of hair play in courtship:

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Hip Tilt and Parade, The Hip-To-Waist
Radio, Breasts and Buttocks
Puffing out the chest can give the bosom the extra bit of attention needed to seal the deal. Like most
signals, this one happens subconsciously.
Women naturally have wider hips than men in order to accommodate childbirth and it is the
exaggeration of the differences between men and women the makes them sexy. Women emphasize their
hips with a walk called the “parade” which happens when a woman walks with exaggerated swinging
or rolling of the hips, back arched, stomach flat, breasts protruding, and head held high. Studies show
us that women out of committed relationship naturally walk in this manner to attract attention. Out of
consciousness the parade is not overt or striking, but now that you understand the characteristics, you
can watch for it. Women can also roll their hips while standing drawing attention to their pelvic region.
The gesture might be accompanied by a sideways glance and slightly parted wet lips which could be
unconsciously exaggerated by saliva or lipstick.
The hip emphasis posture is pervasive in fashion and advertising. We see women slouching to one side
forcing their hips out to emphasize their curves, or walk in an exaggerated way, bouncing their hips up
and down as if on a pendulum. Picturing this parade or “cat-walk” in the nude and you get the sense
that there is an obviously hypnotic purpose to the method. Because the hips move about a center pivot,
the eye is drawn front and center to the woman’s genitals which act as a beacon.
The little black dress is a perfect example that emphasizes the hip-to-waist-ratio differences in women.
Studies show us over and over again that men prefer a hip-to-waist ratio of about seventy percent. That
is, men prefer women who’s waist is thirty percent smaller than their hips. Women on the other hand,
prefer men’s hip-to-waist ratio to be about ninety percent or in other words, their hips are only ten
percent larger than their waste. This stems from the fact that it makes them better athletes,
evolutionarily linked to their ability to catch food. Female athletes, particularly world class runners,

also tend to carry low hip-to-waist ratios. Research also tells us that the waist is the last place women
tend to add fat so as to preserve the sexiness of their curves. These changes happen rapidly after about
age eighteen, where fat is added to the buttocks and legs but stays off the stomach until much later in
life at around menopause. Only with great diligence are women able to keep their stomachs flat after
their childbearing years. Once again though, after childbirth the area tends to be most resilient to fat
deposits and the legs and butt tend to hold the most amount of fat, serving only to further emphasize the
hip-waste ratio.
Having said this, digitally altered images and women who naturally carry a higher hip-to-waist ratio,
are often seen as even more alluring. It is a play on the minds of men where everything is better if
bigger, and if some is good, more is best. When it comes to men, if something is worth doing at all, it’s
worth overdoing! The size of women’s breast is a prime example, and came about through evolution
specifically to attract and keep the attention of men. Women are rare in the animal kingdom as they
have what scientist refer to as permanently swollen breasts, or breasts that are large outside of lactation,
and seem to have absolutely no desirable function at all, but as a sexual selection characteristic.
Interestingly though, we aren’t alone in terms of exaggeration preferences, for example, mother birds
who’s eggs have been swapped for larger ones (of another species), even freakishly large ones, will
tend to sit on them longer and more frequently, even sometimes abandoning other eggs in their clutch.
So it appears that even mom’s like more of things, especially when some of that things is great, more is
seen as greater. Universally however, men do prefer the golden hip-to-waist ratio of seventy percent
and tend to prefer a c-cup sized breast which amounts to about five percent of women’s total body mass
– if you really want to get technical! The point being that exaggeration tends to mesmerize and sexual
body language is no different.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Room Encompassing Glance
Caught in a glance.
The “room encompassing glance” is a body language sequence used to attract the attention of men. It is
done subconsciously, yet in a very specific manner, by women who are available and seeking. To begin
the sequence, woman look or scan the room, which is usually a club, bar, or other social gathering,
containing plenty of likely targets. This first glance serves an assessment purpose to see what is going
on, who is about, and to satisfy her curiousity. In other words, it isn’t anything unique as a sexual cue
but does serve a sort of “shopping” or browsing purpose. More frequent shopping forays where eyes
are cast around the room lasting five to ten seconds begins to have more meaning. This is a woman
who is in a seeking phase and really wishes to find a solid target.
If she spots someone she is interested in she will quickly avert her eyes downward, to show that she
isn’t a threat and to show submission, and then she will take a second look. This second glance is
directed only toward a man of interest and is not cast around the room. It will be short and she will
rotate her head twenty-five to forty degrees to the side then look away (usually downward) within
about three seconds. Women usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this
point, the target and the woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds. If eye contact isn’t
met or the man does not properly receive the signal she will continue to repeat eye contact until he gets
the idea. Sometimes it will require upwards of four to six times ladies, so be prepared! Eye contact of
any kind is usually a signal of interest. On most occasions, this eye contact alone is powerful enough to
entice men to approach, but not always.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Grooming And Preening
A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she’s trying to keep him looking good for her own
benefit.
Grooming includes smoothing clothing, rearranging attire, rubbing the hands, glancing in a mirror and,
applying lipstick, fixing the hair amongst many others. While not a grooming gesture per se, women
can also provocatively leave buttons unbuttoned, especially a button-up blouse in effort to peek men’s
curiousity. These are all signals of interest within the proper context. We all, men included, groom and
preen ourselves in order to appear more presentable and attractive to others. The more concerned we
are with our looks, the more it indicates our desire to show off and attract and the timing with which
this happens is extremely important because it indicates to us the purpose of the adjustments and whom
the fixes are meant for. For example, if a woman appears relaxed in her attire, perhaps wearing
comfortable jeans and a sloppy sweat shirt rather than something more “put together”, and stumbles
upon someone she feels is attractive, she might begin to panic and hyper groom in effort to minimize
whatever damage she figures she has caused to her image. Grooming tells us that she feels his opinion
matters which is no different from men. Men will smooth out ties or a shirt, button up a jacket to appear
more formal, smooth out their pants or fix their hair.
Grooming gestures become particularly powerful delivered with eye contact too, not just with respect
to proximity and visibility. Eye contact for example is an “anchor” for sexual signals as it hooks the
signal to a particular target. Grooming absent of a target and hence eye contact, might mean, either, the
desire to attract in general as we saw in the “parade” where women are just acting like magnets to see
what sticks, or else a superficial desire to appear put together for it’s own sake. Grooming and preening
can also be done on other people to indicate interest. A woman might pluck some imaginary lint from a
man’s clothing that she fancies, while another she detests might go an entire evening with food stuck to
the side of his face. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub his back, all
methods of showing interest. The touching and proximity that comes as a result of grooming is not just

incidental, it’s the driving force. Touching is a strong indicator of interest especially when initiated by a
woman.
Above: Preening gestures indicate that a woman is preparing herself for someone else to touch her but
when a woman plucks some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing she’s probably interested. She might
also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub a man’s back to show interest. Back
touching, scratching and massaging is an evolutionary throwback when we used to have totally hairy
bodies and removing tics would have been a major hygienic necessity. It’s where “you scratch my back
and I’ll scratch yours” came from. Regardless, touching and close proximity when done by a woman to
a man, can be taken as a strong sign of sexual interest. Learn how to build a proper foundation for
dating and attraction by reading the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual
Body Language!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Leg Twine And Leg Crossing
Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).
The leg twine is one of the most appealing sitting positions for women. The posture is done by tightly

wrapping one around the other. The result makes the legs appear extremely toned. To produce a sexual
cluster that intensifies signals of interest, a woman can place one hand on her thigh, stroke it, and
engage in eye contact, and even bat her eyes at her object of affection.
Crossing and uncrossing the legs in the presence of men, especially if done slowly also shows interest,
as it exposes the inner thigh which is a very intimate part of the female body. Leaving the legs
uncrossed altogether, while sitting or standing, or massaging them so as to draw attention to them, can
ramp up a sexual invitation even further. Another leg crossing variation happens when the leg is tucked
under the body and sat on with the knee pointing toward her interest. This also leaves the inside of the
thigh exposed and is particularly alluring when wearing a skirt, especially a short one!
Legs are often crossed toward a person of interest although this isn’t a hard fast rule. For example, most
people have a leg cross preference, and so only find sitting one way or the other to be comfortable. The
theory behind leg crossing toward the person we are connecting with stems from the symbolism of the
leg as a barrier preventing outside people from entering. Orienting the body and shoulders toward
someone has the same effect. However, leaning in with a leg cross to shrink the distance can deliver a
much stronger and more reliable message. It is the proximity that produces the real information, rather
than the actual leg cross direction. Having the legs spread while sitting or standing isn’t always a
positive cue of interest, though sometimes it is, but it always tell us something about the sender.
For the sake of being complete, at the risk of sounding obvious, open legs tells us that a woman is
either easy, trying to look that way, or doesn’t realize she’s be improper so is careless about her sitting
postures. In other words, legs wide open says she’s a bit sloppy, regardless of her true intention.
Woman should always hold good leg crossing postures especially in public and even when trying to
attract the attention of men. In most cases, appearing easy or sloppy is not to their benefit, at least to
most. With the recent lax in proper manners, I suspect appearing sloppy, or “casual” to use a more
political term, is the likely culprit, but legs open can still be tested for easiness by men keen on scoring
an easy women. While this all might sound crass, remember that these are the types of signals being
sent when women comport themselves in these ways, so it is up to them to change their body postures,
as changing the nature of subconscious perceptions is impossible. Those that aren’t reading material on
body language, which is a healthy majority, will merely go on instinct, and this instinct will have
“easy” written all over it.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Hiking The Skirt And Showing Skin
The ‘skirt hike’ happens totally subconsciously. When a woman gets hot and bothered she might begin
to play with the bottom of her skirt to show a bit of extra leg.

The skirt hike is an interesting body language cue because it happens completely subconsciously with
little, and usually no awareness at all. It is so subtle though that only those looking specifically for it
will actually see it.
The “skirt hike” happens by fingering and play with the bottom ridge of the skirt. Other times, the skirt
hike happens in a more pronounced way by grabbing the bottom of the skirt and pulling it up a few
inches or more, to reveal more leg. This motion is usually done toward a man of interest and followed
by eye contact, but other times like the parade, happens as advertisement of the woman’s availability. If
she catches someone else notice this gesture which she isn’t interested in, she will quickly force it back
down and break eye contact.
Any gesture like the skirt hike that exposes more skin can be a sexual signal. We are all familiar with
the cliché scene in movies where the woman suggestively says that she’ll return in something more
comfortable. As always, she reappears in sexy lingerie. Most times, men don’t get such an obvious cue
of interest but women still remove clothing to peek interest. Removing a heavy shirt or jacket to be
more comfortable, or loosening buttons from a shirt, or even removing shoes or dangling the shoes
from the toe, all show comfort at worst, and interest at best. “Shoe play” is also a great indicator of the
level of comfort experienced between a man and women and is a way for a woman to get noticed
because movement draws attention. Movement is the opposite to the fear-freeze response when people
are scared. While in conversation, if the man does something to startle the woman, she’ll pull her shoe
back on in short order! It’s also a good way to measure a cold approach because she’ll slip her shoe
back on immediately if she doesn’t like the approach. She’ll make her displeasure more salient by
slightly or fully turning away, holding a fixed gaze with her friends or across the room or pretend to be
distracted. Her movements will also minimize so as to become less noticeable in the hopes that her
“male predator” moves onto new prey.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Loving Tight Jeans, Short Skirts And
Ornamentation Means You’re Shopping
Dressing sexy is not a sexual invitation by itself, but it does give us clues to the intensions and attitudes
present. In most cases, overt cleavage, short skirts and heavy make-up tells us that women are available
and shopping. Women who dress sexily all the time appear as non-cues though, because it is just what
they do. Their baseline says that nothing new is happening, although it does tell us something about
their general baseline, doesn’t it. These women appear “dressy” and always put together, but if we
notice extra dressiness, or as we shall see extra frills or “ornamentation” we know she’s probably
feeling receptive. Conversely if we see a lack of dressiness, we know that maybe she’s particularly
down and unreceptive. The research supports this. Women, at around the time of ovulation, will display
more sexually, they will break out their high heels, tend to dance more, talk more suggestively, and
even walk differently near ovulation.
In one such study by Martie Haselton and her colleagues of the University of California in 2006 it was
found that women chose more revealing outfits, and outfits containing more ornamentation when they
were close to their peak fertility. In other words, as women near ovulation, the most fertile phase, they
tended to dress “to impress.” This particular study had a panel of judges rate a pair of couples
throughout the women’s fertility cycle. This allowed the researchers to create a baseline by which
subjects could be compared to themselves. If they noted any differences in dress, they could then

correlate it back to their fertility. They found noticeable differences in terms of overt self-grooming and
ornamentation especially in terms of choice of dress as women approached their most fertile. They
chose tops laced with trim and wore skirts rather than pants. The overall trend was to show more skin.
The study also found that men rated women as more attractive when they were in their ovulation cycle.
Other studies show that women are more apt to find dominant men with square jaws and facial hair
more attractive during ovulation and even find male body odor less pungent and more tolerable. During
their high fertility days, women tend to flirt more often and solicit male attention, or in other words,
tend to be more in tune with overall ‘maleness.’ Women are also found to go out more to parties or
clubs, and other target rich environments, where they might meet men. No doubt there are many factors
that play into how a woman dresses, but when it comes to being seductive, she turns it on when she’s
ready to procreate despite what thoughts come into consciousness. While dress alone isn’t a full on
invitation to pursue, it does tell us a little bit about what frame of mind a woman is in.
Advertising fertility with overt dress makes sense because women, unlike most animals, fail to
advertise their ovulation. This is what scientists call “hidden ovulation” or “concealed ovulation” of
which dozens of competing theories try to explain, but of which all fail to do conclusively. One of them
says that women hide ovulation to keep men around so they will continue to provide her with resources
while she offers sex in exchange. Hidden ovulation is a fascinating topic for discussion, because it is
very complex and will likely never be solved. In other animals ovulation or “heat” is prominently
advertised. Two such examples include swelling and redness of the genitalia in baboons and the release
of pheromones in many animals including cats. However, in humans, even women themselves fail to
consciously realize when they are fertile. To be accurate this last point has been disputed by various
studies, even by this very section, but the point remains that aside from really trying to tune in, it would
go unnoticed by many. The point is that women are rare in the animal kingdom by not prominently
signaling fertility as do many other animals. However, this study and this chapter at large, shows us that
they have other ways to convey this to men, even if in a more discrete manner.
While women might not be aware of the reason for dressing provocatively, most women are aware of
the signals they give off to men, and therefore shouldn’t be surprise to receive additional attention
when they show more skin. From a prowling male perspective therefore, it would pay back in
dividends to make note of which women dress provocatively and deviate from their baseline and which
women wear more frills and glitz. Tight jeans, elaborate decoration and short skirts, not only signal
sexuality, but also interest in sex.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Proximity, Pointing And Touching
Proximity indicator of interest.
Proximity plays a huge factor in dating and anything done to decrease space between tow people is a

good signal of attraction. Sometimes, closeness is real, for example a woman might get up and
physically move closer to a man, she might move a chair next to him or she might opportunistically
take up a position close-by on a sofa. All cues that are important give alternative options to sit.
Sometimes too, proximity is figurative such as is the case when women point, or when eyes are cast.
The “pointing knee” happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of
interest.
If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

Touching escalation.
Pointing, like eyeing, are ways to bring people close together without actually moving. Both are
reliable indicators of where we’d rather be, or who we are thinking about. We can point with our eyes,
our toes or feet, or our knees. The pointing knee happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her
knee toward the man of interest. This is sometimes also a signal of being relaxed and informal which
extends the meaning of the pointing knee. Escape is difficult in this position so when done by a woman
it means that she is comfortable around whomever she is with at the time. Dangling a shoe is another
informal signal of comfort for the same reason. The pointing knee also shows fleeting glimpses to the
inner thigh which can be arousing to men. Leaning in or toward, standing next to someone or even
isolating oneself from friends all shows interest when done by women.
Touching is another great signal of attraction even if it happens ‘accidentally’. Women will make a
point to brush up against men of interest and as we have seen may groom them if they wish to send a
strong message. Have you ever wondered if he or she really likes you? Try accidentally brushing a knee
or leg up against someone under the table. If they pull away or turn immediately than it’s due to
disinterest, but if it’s embraced and “footsies” ensue then it’s an excellent signal of interest. To make
sure the signal is anchored try casting occasional flirty eye contact. This is a signal that can be used by
either men or women. When outside of a dating context, the same pulling away will be found so this
isn’t limited to courtship. People that hate each other like to maintain as much space as possible and
even accidental touching is unwelcome.
Leaving a tie un-straightened can give women an excuse to touch and is a great way to measure interest
by men. To send a much more subtle signal of touching an object might take the place of a person.
Such is the case with caress the stem of a wine glass, ring, watch or car keys. The back of the hand, the
neck, the shoulders, or side of the face can also show interest. Self touching is a way to prepare the
body for touching by someone else and also indicates what type of touching women wish to receive.
Self-touching is a ‘fix’ that is used to alleviate the symptoms of the desire to be touched, and indicates
where a women’s mind is thinking.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Echoing And Mirroring Is The Mating Dance
We’re both “the captain!”
So far in this book we have talked about mirroring in terms of building rapport for business and life in

general, but the real excitement comes from mirroring in dating. Mirroring in dating is the original
“mating dance.” It is a complete synchrony of gestures and movements that seems carefully
choreographed, but isn’t. It is so pervasive that it carries through to synchronous breathing and
blinking, tone of voice, inflection and pitch, not to mention more obviously gestures like body position
and movements such as affect and illustrators, regulators and standing postures. Mirroring is the
mechanism that produces fluid dance which is a precursor to the much more intimate dance that
happens between the sheets!
Mirroring isn’t a childish copy-cat game, but it is close. A distinction should be made between
mirroring and echoing. Echoing happens when gestures and positions are duplicated some time after
they first appear, usually within a matter of seconds. Mirroring is done by immediately taking up the
same postures, or if facing one another, its mirror opposite. Picture this next example as if the woman
and man are both facing head-on, where the woman is on the left and the man on the right. Here a
perfect mirror would happen as the inside, or left foot of the woman is up on the foot rest at a bar, with
a drink in her right hand, and her left arm resting on the bar top, the man would have his right foot on
the foot rest, his drink in his left hand, and his right arm on the bar top. This is full mirroring. If the
man pauses in his dialogue and takes a drink and so too does the woman, they will have again mirrored
each other. However, if either one pauses for a second, then follows, they will have echoed each other.
Other examples in the same scenario include playing with a glass or adjusting foot positions or gestures
or touching the face similarly. When complete synchrony is established which can take from minutes to
hours (or not at all), we call this the mating dance. I should note too, that echoing can happen up to a
minute later and not all gestures are duplicated exactly. Common ground between two people can be
extensive, as it is with twins who have a high degree of agreement, or slight when only small
agreement is present, and this is reflected in the strength of the dance.
Testing mirroring can be done by simple observation, that is, by being mindful of any following that is
done by your object. However, mirroring can also be sped up and manipulated by allowing gestures to
be taken up by your partner, then after some time changing them to measure the speed with which the
gestures of your partner follows. This tactic is not much different than what happens on the dance floor.
Fast music really tells us if we’re on the same page together, and when “dancing without music”, the
same effect is present. The more synchrony there is, the stronger the agreement, and the faster positions
are adopted. Men and women can both test this out for themselves and will see that when rapport is
strong, couples will hurry to stay on top of the dance through its postures.
Mirroring postures in other people, by following their lead can also test interest. To do this, just take on
postures similar to your partner and see if they feel comfortable holding them with you. If they change
or adopt new postures quickly or seem agitated, you can be sure that they see the two of you as
different and that little or no attraction is present. When people disagree, they do their best to appear
different, and this is one of the times our guts give us a visceral reaction. When we don’t like someone
we do our best to expose our differences rather than our similarities.
Above: Mirroring is an instant way of building or monitoring the connection people have with one
another. Yawning for example is a way that even complete strangers feel compelled to mimic.
Mirroring-body language helps us gauge what level of agreement is present between people. In our
historical past, mirroring each others gestures served to eliminate aggression between people. We use it
today in much the same way. Two strangers won’t initially hold the same gestures or will hold closed
body language and postures, but as agreements and opinions are expressed the body will show
agreement and common ground. In dating, mirroring plays an even more potent role as couples can
groove in almost complete synchrony which we call the matting dance. Mirroring therefore, says “Look
at me, I’m the same as you, and we both agree”.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Kiss Test And Stages In Intimacy
Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips – this might mean that she’s interested in a
kiss.
All nonverbal signals begin from the same origin; thoughts. The kiss is no different since it begins with
a desire to take a very intimate and important step in a relationship. As arousal occurs, women will
begin to draw attention to their mouths, but not just to deliver a message, it is to alleviate tension that is
building. Women interested in kissing will release this energy by touching their mouth more frequently,
say with a finger or by mouthing an object. They might pout by compressing their lips or they will
apply lip gloss or lip stick. Escalation of these signals includes direct eye contact or glances toward the
man’s mouth. Remember that looking in the direction of interest is difficult to resist and when a kiss is
envisioned, it is the mouth that gets the looks. While holding hands, a quick kiss-test happens by
measured response of a hand-squeeze; if he squeezes and she squeezes back, there is a good chance a
kiss would be well received.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
How Women Can Avoid Solicitation By Men
She’s just not that into you.
The chapter has a heavy focus on ways that women attract sexual attention, but there were a few hints

dropper here and there with regards to ways women can avoid attention. The problem as women might
view it is that most of the tactics involved dropping cues, or ‘inaction’ rather than actionable body
language. Because there are times when women require the opposite result, I have devoted this section
to ways women can actively send rejection signals. It is far easier and less embarrassing to use
nonverbal language to send negative signals and they can be implemented earlier to reduce escalation
before it’s too late. Women far too often make the mistake of placating others to their own detriment.
When men are bored, they feel no pain, no discomfort, no desire to offer anything other than a barren
despondent look on their face. It might surprise you to hear me say to this, congratulations! Men who
show their true emotions have mastered, all-be-it passively, the use of effective body language and use
it to convey their boredom to others. When men are bored, they say “shape up or ship out”, women
should heed this and follow. So women, please pay careful attention to the tips that follow to avoid
unwanted approaches.
My conclusions are drawn in large part from the research of Dr. Monica Moore in 1998 who looked at
rejection patterns in women. She found seventeen main behaviours in her study that indicated rejection
of potential male partners. They included facial expressions such as yawning, frowning, sneering, gaze
avoidance, upward gaze, hair gaze (looking at one’s own hair), looking away, and staring, as well as
gestures such as negative head shaking, nail cleaning, teeth picking or pocketing hands, and finally,
posture patterns such as arm crossing, holding the trunk rigidly, closed legs, body contact avoidance or
pulling away. Here they are by category in a bit more detail.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Avoiding eye contact shows men that we’re not interested in interacting.
Gaze avoidance happens when the woman refused to make eye contact with the man, despite him
looking directly at her. She will look at other people, make eye contact with someone else, or pretend to
be taken by something else in the room. This can and in fact, should be done while a man is currently
speaking. Buck up women, grow some and spell it out! Look at it this way, you’re saving him time by
being direct and upfront and in the long run, he might even thank you if it gives him the time to pursue
someone else. To display disinterest a women can also look upward by raising the chin only a quarter
inch or look at the ends of her hair which is a strong signal of boredom and detachment. Any
behaviours should include prolonged inattention, lasting at least ten seconds, but more is always better!
Staring is also used, in this case staring lasts multiple seconds or until the man looks away, but when he
does, don’t look him over, start a conversation with someone else or leave altogether without saying
anything. If none of these messages seem to be working, add frowns or sneers to your repertoire. The
sneer happens with furrowed brows and the mouth is compressed and turned downward. The sneer
happens when the mouth is twisted and the nose wrinkled. Next you can use head shaking and yawning
which shows negative thoughts rather than using more affirmative head movements such as nods.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Turning the body away and taking a step amplifies disinterest.
Gestures are nonverbal rejection patterns that involved movement of the hands and arms. Interested
women perform palm displays, however, disinterested women will pocket their hands instead, or cross
their arms over their chest. To further disinterest, an increase in distance would occur by taking steps
backwards or using barriers to reduce closeness. Self grooming can also be used to show disinterest,
but not in a flirtatious way. Instead picking the nails, or teeth is used to turn men off and efficiently
display disinterest.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Crossing the arms denies a man exposure to your torso – an unwelcome signal.
Posture patterns involve movement and positioning of the body. These are tied to closed body positions
and include such items as tightly crossing the legs, legs crossed at the ankles or hidden under a chair.
Other postures include a rigid upright torso and positions that avoided body contact and if contact was
initiated the women would pull away. Leaning back and turning the back to the man is also effective.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Whatever cues you plan on using, be sure of your intent before emitting them. If you are serious about
rejecting someone it is important that you be deliberate, predictable and consistent. If you flip-flop
from positive to negative cues, he’ll just think that you are “moody” which will create a situation that
makes negative cues less effective in the future. It will also prolong pursuit because the positive cues
mixed into the interaction will provide him incentives to continue. Finally, be prepared to be called bad
names like “grumpy” and of course “bitch.” It is unfortunate for women that they aren’t given the same
latitude as men in terms of their ability to display negative emotions in an outward fashion, but this is
the world we live in and no amount of complaining will change it. The research tells us that women are
expected to smile even if unhappy, and be chipper when depressed, but when it comes to rejecting
someone, it’s best done quickly and without remorse. Afterall, when it comes to rejection, do you really
care what their opinion is of you?

If this sort of tactic makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to use an integrity based, verbal
rejection. “Sorry, I’m not interested” will work just fine in most cases. Whatever method you choose, it
will be you that has to live by it.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
He Displays Dominantly, Sexually, Gets Closer
And Builds Rapport – Introduction

Women prefer men with square jaws as it indicates the level of testosterone and hence
aggression/ambition they might hold.
Men and women display similarly in terms of body language, but there are some key differences when
it comes to what women find attractive in men, versus what men find attractive in women. Men seek
women that are submissive and willing to heed their dominance, whereas women seek men who are
dominant and able to lead them. This is a general rule of course, and as we know there are exceptions
to every rule, but if we are appealing to the majority of the people, which is my goal, than these
generalities are adequate. Women seek out men that have the ability to gain access to resources such as
food and shelter, who are protectors to them now, and in the future their offspring, and who have the
physical traits they think indicate these skills such as health, vigor, and sexually virility.
Men give up plenty of cues to their virility, one of which is a tight round buttocks and lack of stomach
fat. Men with round bums have been shown to be in better health and to maintain that health
throughout their lifetimes. Health reports show that men who add fat to their midsection are much more
prone to disease. Women also seek men with broad strong shoulders, square jaws, muscular arms and
chests. Individual differences still exist as it relates to other features, for some women a hairy chest or
facial hair is everything, while for others clean shaven is a must. However, nearly everyone agrees that
hairy backs rank pretty low!
On average, women prefer men with more dominant features than those with submissive features.
Depending on their intent however, they may at times prefer men who are more ‘feminine’ or sexier,
and this is called the ‘sexy son’ theory. The theory says that women will choose men who are “pretty”
based on looks alone, especially when they what to engage in risky one-night-stands. When they seek
men as full time partners, on the other hand, they look for middle-of-the-road or “softer” men, in other
words, ‘family-men’, since they figure they’ll be able to secure long term care in child rearing.
Evolution favours both conditions where women who have random sex with “sexy fathers” so they in
turn have “sexy sons” as well as women who seek out family-men who will stick around to raise
families with them. In the “sexy son” scenario, the father passes on his genes to his son, but pays no, or
very little effort in child care especially when compared to the family-man. The sexy-father might stick
around for a few years but he’s usually distracted through proposition from other easy women – due to
his sexiness he gets a lot of offers after all! This is balanced though because, while the mother is stuck
raising a son on her own, he will grow up to have more or a similar number of offspring himself as will
a family man. This trade-off produces more, or an equal number of children overall when compared to
the family-man, making both successful strategies. We define successful in terms of making the genes
for the behaviour more common or more popular. In evolutionary terms, popular genes are good genes
no matter what morals are behind the behaviour. The genes merely wish, if they had wishes, to remain
in existence.

He must be wealthy!
Research tells us that men who are middle road are much less likely to stray primarily because they get
fewer outside offers from women. Women who are married or in committed relationships, are more
likely to cheat with men who are better looking than the average, and men who are better looking on
average have more sexual relationships in their lifetime and also tend to cheat more often. A large part
of this is intended to be background knowledge because it obviously doesn’t deal directly with
nonverbal body language, however, it does play into the subconscious aspects and is important to frame
how I view sexual body language. As always, you are welcome to disagree with my postulates and
those of the scientific community, and in reality, won’t change the hidden meaning of the signals. It is
my contention that knowing the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ of behaviours really give us predictive powers.
These powers, in turn, give us the ability to come into novel situations, with little or no prior
knowledge and deduce likely conclusions.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
How Men Display Interest – An Introduction
And Further Reading
Very little focus has been place on how men use nonverbal communication to signal interest. Perhaps
this is rightly so, perhaps not. Women are without question the most efficient users of body language in
courtship. Women are, more often the not, the choosers and initiators in relationship origination, and
men are often left following. The job of women is to signal to men when it’s time to display their

features and “dance” for them. In other words, women are the choosers when it comes to sexual
relationships, and in the body language department, if men employ it properly, they are not much more
than the chosen.
What the research fails to properly address up to date, is how men can use body language after contact
has been established to build attraction with women. I have devoted and entire book to this very topic
in my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. It is a very
complex issue so I can not deal with it in its entirety here, so I encourage anyone interested to pick the
book up and read more extensively. In this book, I will hit on all the key features and main topics in
male courtship body language that will be of interest to a general reader such as women and
professionals. The male “pick-up-artist”, or women who wish to thwart male come-ons and pear into
the minds of men, should read further with Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual
Body Language.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Male Crotch Display
The western version of the crotch display. Imagine this fella totally nude! Perhaps not attractive to
women, but his assertiveness might be.

There are a few postures that men use to display their prowess, but the jury is out as to whether or not
women find them attractive per se. One of these postures is the cowboy posture which happens by
placing the thumbs in a belt loop and aiming the remaining fingers toward the genitals. Interested
women do tend to look at the crotch of men of interest, but performing the display might not make a
man appear more sexually attractive.
The crotch display in action.
A second version of the crotch display is to keep the legs spread open where the hand may be found on
the inside of the thigh in a “ready position” or propped up on a knee. These signals are less of a sexual
invitation than they are signal of their dominance over others in the room, which in and of itself makes
them appear more attractive to women. New Guinea natives use what is called the penis sheath, also
called koteka, horim or penis gourd to emphasis and draw attention to their genitals. It is usually made
from a dried gourd and tied with a small loop around the scrotum with a secondary loop tied around the
chest or abdomen and is worn without clothing. The penis sheath is usually tied in an upward position
but some tribes position them to point straight out, up or at an angle. The penis sheath is an excellent
example of sexually selected behaviour that came about through culture and serves to illustrate the
power behind the male crotch display. What is done by western cultures is not much different if
modesty and the clothing is stripped aside, so to speak. Western men use slight of hand through
pointing and leg spreading to draw eyes, whereas the penis sheath draws attention to male prowess
through a much more obvious and grand scale.
Micheal Jackson had no shortage of female fans and perhaps this was due to his frequent crotch grabs,
although I suspect it has more to do with his deep pockets (or maybe his signing talent?). Men also
draw attention to their crotch in other ways such as with their hands by motioning or placing a hand on
the inner thigh, or re-orienting so the crotch faces the women directly. Men use subtle preening gestures
such as fixing hair, straightening a tie or collar, or removing lint, but these aren’t as common when
compared to women as sexual signals. This runs us full circle to our original though and that is that
men display attractiveness through status and dominant indicators rather than any physical cue or
posture. As it where though, some of men’s body positions can reveal this very characteristic.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Eliminating Beta Male Body Language
Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.
While women might become nervous as a signal of a man’s attractiveness in her eye, and use it

effectively to attract his attention, she won’t find this signals attractive when done by men. To her,
nervousness signals that he is a lesser man; a beta man.
Beta male characteristics includes but is not limited to fidgeting, slouching, putting hands in pockets,
crossing arms, wringing the hands, talking with a hand hiding the mouth, and touching or scratching
the face or neck without purpose. Men who exhibit these gestures might signal nonverbally their
attraction to a woman, but the signals won’t be found to be a turn-on to women. In other words, men
should drop this cue altogether because it doesn’t help their cause. Rather, they should use the
dominant body language listed below to create arousal in women and thereby elicit sexual body
language from them. Beta men by definition are those that come second to dominant or alpha men,
both in daily life and in dating.
In the dating world, because beta men come second to alpha men are left choosing what alpha men
deem less valuable. In other words, beta males get second pick (or are chosen by women second,
however you want to look at things) and also miss out on dates more often than alpha males. Being beta
in life, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, most people are second in lead, or worse, to someone at
any one time or another throughout the day. However, in dating, it is important to be alpha to at least
one woman in life! We can also add that not every woman is alpha worthy either, and this is part of the
natural order or hierarchy of things. Everything balances out in the end, even if we just act out our
normal selves, as there are more than enough variations of people to pair up with. The issue stems from
trying to reach higher into the hierarchy and this requires behavioural modifications and work. Chances
are good though, that if you are reading this book, you have a desire to improve your success in life
which is why we move forward.
In closing this point, what is important in terms of beta male body language, is to refrain from showing
that the weight of the world is upon us forcing our shoulders to slouch, or that life has run amuck with
our self esteem, by carrying awkward postures. Having our shoulders up and back shows that we can
effectively carry the weight of our predicaments, no matter what that is.
Some beta male postures:
Touching the face indicates insecurity.
Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our
sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and
control it.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Dominant Body Language
The alpha male solicits (elicits) attention from women.
Establishing dominance and status are the main messages men deliver to establish attraction with

women and there are a variety of methods to do so. Fashion is one aspect of status and it includes
expensive watches and suites, polished shoes and being well groomed. Status also comes across
through body language. Open postures, legs spread apart, arms uncrossed and keeping the hands away
from the face. Alpha men display alpha traits because life has treated them well. Good posture also
shows that life hasn’t taken advantage of him and the weight of the world isn’t holding him down.
The torso’s of dominant men is firm and still, they will use their arms to punctuate points, but keep
them relatively inactive. Dominant men only rarely raise their arms above the level of their belt.
Speaking slowly with a calm voice also shows dominance. The fewer words used, the more emphasis is
placed on what words are used. Instead of rambling on, men should use more pauses and allow their
minds to catch up. Alpha men speak slowly, almost carefully. They choose their words wisely and
avoid fillers such as “ummm” and “ahhh.” Taking up space is also part of dominant body language.
Having the arms spread wide while on a sofa and the legs apart gives the impression that men are
relaxed and also larger than they actually are.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Dominant Male Stance
An alpha posture takes up space as if he’s in his own living room.
Whenever not in motion, men should keep both feet flat on the ground with their arms to their sides and
their weight even across both feet. Men should do their best to avoid placing their hands in their
pockets as it comes across as dishonest as though they have something to hide. The hips should be
forced forward slight, with the legs just wider than shoulder width. Men might also wish to extend a
foot in the direction of the woman of interest to give her a subtle cue of interest.
It is paramount that men avoid leaning up against objects or walls and using them as a crutch.
Confident men will appear relaxed, calm and grounded, without the help of chairs, walls or other
crutch-like-objects to fiddle with and occupy their hands. Men should also avoid standing or sitting in

the same position for too long. Rather, they should move confidently about the room and explore all
aspects of their territory making themselves at home.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
How Men Can Use Negative Body Language
“Pecking forward” is a negative body posture for men in courtship because it makes him seem needy
and low value.
Men should make all their movements more planned, deliberate, and purposeful. Leaning in too much,
also referred to as “pecking” forward, is a big fault most men make. Leaning back will force others to
engage you, instead of the other way around. Talking quietly also has the affect of forcing people to
move closer to you, thereby increasing your status but if done too frequently appears submissive and
unconfident.
Don’t be afraid to use negative body language when people do things you don’t like. If they “start on
you”, don’t be afraid to turn your back or cross your arms. At the same time, men should display honest
and genuine interest and try to build others around them up, but at the same time force them to work for
their approval. Most everyone has a sore spot for validation and if you can become a root to their
confidence, then they will seek you for approval which gives you the power. However, men shouldn’t
be afraid to show interest either. Body language like verbal language is a negotiation.

Does he really want to leave? In most cases, negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a
game – hard-to-get!
One negative body language technique involves talking over a shoulder so as to show some but not
total interest in someone. If done correctly it, the body language teases woman and forces them to
display stronger signals of interest to keep the man’s attention. That is if she’s been given enough cues
to feel compelled to compete for your attention. Using negative body language in this way is especially
attractive to women who habitually have men fawning all over them. Far too often men use body
language that is open an accepting in all cases and situations even though women don’t fully and
sometimes not even partially deserve it. Negative body language shows rejection, which a lot of
women are not accustomed to so it brings out their competitive spirit.
Above: Playing hard to get can sometimes put you back in the driver’s seat with women. For example,
you could display a carefree attitude by slouching lower in a seat, opening up your posture, and taking
up more space than necessary to demonstrate dominance. This may excite certain women since you are
displaying as a typical alpha male, but if you go overboard, it will turn women off.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Tonality Advice For Men
Communication patterns are often a make-it or break-it moment.
As we have seen in a pervious chapter, tonality plays a big part in the meaning and intent of the
message being delivered. Speaking in a soft voice can be construed as nervous, especially if words are
so quiet they are misheard. When in groups containing new people, it is very common to speak quietly
to direct your conversation to specific people you are more familiar with, however this can and will
alienate others and serve to isolate you further. While in a group, therefore, don’t be afraid to address
everyone and save private conversations for later. Whispering, which is an entirely different ballgame
can actually bring women closer and create sparks, so is fair technique to explore. As tonality pertains
to dating and attraction, it is important to hold a strong voice and use projection to carry it to your
audience. Speaking too loudly can come across as forceful and arrogant though, so try to balance your
speech to your location and audience, as well as the surrounding noise.
As mentioned earlier, women find men with voices that are deep sexy and it is possible to lower the
breadth of your voice with practice. Even keeping it monotone will make it seem deeper and sexier,
although a lack of enthusiasm will likely out-weight the benefits. Calming and slowing the voice can
also deepen it and these techniques can be perfected when practiced. Naturally each one of the
techniques for voice lowering can appear forced and awkward, and in most cases, the voice can only be
lowered by a few degrees, but this might be all that is required to bring a high pitched voice down to an
acceptable medium.
Another aspect of voice is projection. In nightclubs where talking is often difficult at best, you might
consider extending the length of words and phrases, so they are better heard. Men should never pass up
an opportunity for closeness, and as mentioned, whispering is a great tool to accomplish this. A “hey,
let’s get out of here, it’s too loud to talk” makes for a good exit strategy once a connection is formed.
Regardless of the situation, a well projected voice communicates strength and confidence.
Men should also be mindful of nervous laughing and long bouts of monotone speech, which can be a

killer for women. Men should avoid getting overly excited, but should also not be afraid to liven speech
with gestures and some changes in pitch, to show that they have a pulse, and that their life is at least
somewhat exciting. If men find themselves in conversation with an unwilling participant, they should
change gears or change partners, this is what makes body language so powerful, since it eliminates the
need to second guess interest. Having read the cues to sexual interest at the beginning of this chapter
along with interest in general covered throughout the book, it should be plainly obvious what others are
thinking about you.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Smiling And Gazing Advice For Men
A worried facial expression wont lead to positive outcomes! Try a relaxed, confident smile instead.
Smiles mean a lot more than just happiness, such as fear and stress. However, smiles due tend to appear
most from happiness, and as a result of genuine feelings of optimism. They also indicate confidence
and hopefulness. We know that smiles are infectious, yet men hardly ever sport them. I suppose men’s
lack of smiles has to do with the vast amount of testosterone that courses through their bodies, coupled
with the fear of appearing subordinate to others, but men should not let that be a deterrent. If men walk
through life with a big grin, people will notice and stop them, wondering what good news they hold, or
what successes they have achieved.
Laughter and smiles, when done by men, show women that they have interesting and successful lives.
Men can easily try a smile experiment to measure the exact value it has, and they’ll know they’re onto
something when they receive smiles in return. While it is true that some smiles won’t be well received,
be they ignored or returned with a grimace, it shouldn’t deter the smile experiment from continuing.
The object isn’t to impress everyone, rather it is to plan seeds in the minds of others that you are
friendly, open to conversation, and that good things happen to you, and that if they associate with you,
these good things might benefit them too.

Even stone faced women can be broken by persistent smiling so long as it is done properly. When
smiling, men should never face women straight on, rather they should smile at an angle. The straight on
look can be construed as aggressive and confrontational. Men should always break smiles by looking
down, not away, up or to the side. A downward look shows that you are prepared to submit and that you
are not a threat. If eye contact is made, keep it brief, lasting less than three seconds and always add a
small genuine smile with head cocked at forty-five degrees. Avoid head on stares, prolonged looks, or
abnormal or persistent eye widening, as these will surely send the wrong message.
Even if women don’t respond immediately, it doesn’t mean that a future encounter won’t lead to
positive things. In public we are habitually in displacement mode so most women initially see people as
objects rather than people worthy of interaction. Men should understand that women find others,
especially strange men, as potential threats to their safety. If, or rather when, because after all this is a
numbers game, a man finds a willing participant, the sensation will be immediately exhilarating for
both parties. However, smiling isn’t the end of the story, it’s the start. Smiling endlessly can become
creepy so if invitations to conversation seems welcome, graduate to verbal dialogue and take things to
the next level. If your experiment fails miserably, try adding a sharp nod or even a joyous “hi”, “hey”,
or “hello.” A verbal connection or a more obvious nonverbal signal can serve to snap people more
forcefully out of their public displacement.
Smiles are inexpensive so don’t be afraid to use them, but do keep in mind that the vast majority of
people, especially in crowded urban areas, might ignore them totally. Remember though, that just
because the cues are ignored does not mean that it is a personal rejection, since logically, these people
have no sense whatever about the smiler, they don’t even know them! Remember too, like a lot of
things in life, smiling-success is a numbers game.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
How Men Should Gaze
The eyes are the windows to your soul.
As mentioned, men can use a variety of ways to attract subtle attention. In accordance with the rules of

the mating dance, men can see these tactics to create interest and attract women. The real goal of male
sexual body language is to induce a woman to look at him, to notice him, the rest is the responsibility
of verbal dialogue. It doesn’t get a whole lot more extensive than that.
Once he has her eye, a man should use proper gaze patterns. Most men will make the mistake of
smiling too quickly or smiling before she has even noticed him. Worse perhaps, is their grin will appear
etched on their face which appears to women as gawking and is off-putting. Men should always limit
gazing to three seconds or less, any longer than this comes off as staring or leering. To start, men
should first try to establish eye contact, then once established, wait a fraction of a second then flash a
quick smile before turning away shyly as if being busted with the hand in the cookie jar. If this feels
uncomfortable, use what is called a “slow growing smile” where the smile is directed with eye contact
and seems to grow in direct response to the woman.
Mutual gaze.
Men should always wait until eye contact is established before smiling. This tells the target that he is
smiling at her rather than smiling generally, or smiling at someone in her direction, or just smiling
because he’s heard someone say something funny. Eye contact is the most reliable way to anchor a
smile. The effect men are trying to convey is that he has noticed her, got caught looking, but isn’t
apologetic because he sincerely finds her attractive. Whenever men hold mutual eye contact followed
by a smile they should hold it for at least two to three seconds before breaking it by looking downward.
Men should never look to the side when finishing an eye gaze pattern, or break eye contact
immediately once established, since it will indicate to a women that he was merely stealing a look, or
was just caught staring. In either case, it sends the message that no interest was present, he was just
scanning the room, or he’s already in a committed relationship and was checking another women out,
but isn’t capable or willing to act on his eye language.
Once eye contact is broken for the first time, it is important for the man to immediately reestablish it,
followed by even more powerful smile. If this second bout yields a smile in return there’s a good
chance an approach will be welcomed. Women need some time to decide if attraction is present, just
like men need time to isolate interesting targets from all other women present. This is why the first
sequence rarely produces a smile, whereas the second is a much better possibility. If a smile happens on

the first try, it tells us that she was thinking about him even before their first glance, which is also a
strong signal.
Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
The Ten Steps To Intimacy
When men and women initiate intimacy they always follow a very specific pattern. While the list isn’t
entirely rigid it represents the most universally comfortable way men and women come together. There
are cases when some of the steps are skipped, but in most cases, they are simply accelerated making it
appear as though steps went missing. While I have no experience with adult movies, I have been told
that even therein, men and women follow these steps closely. Here are the ten steps to creating
intimacy.

Hand touches shoulder. This form of touching is risky because it implies
some from of connection. If absent, can still be rebuffed with minimal damage and embarrassment, but
still breaches personal space boundaries.
[A] Eye to body. The eyes first make contact with the lower part of the body, but hit the face in general,
the assets – buttocks and crotch, chest or breast, the legs of women and the overall build of men. If both
see mutual attraction they continue to the next step.
[B] Eye to eye. Mutual eye contact is established which includes a long intimate gaze where the eyes

travel over the face including the lips.
[C] Hand touches hand. Light touching of the hand, or hand-holding is often the first way distance is
breeched. The hand is intimate, yet risk-free, unlike say the breasts or the genitals! Other acceptable
first touches include incidental touches such as an elbow, forearm or task directed actions such as
helping to put on a coat.
[D] Hand touches shoulder. This form of touching is risky because it implies
some from of connection. If absent, can still be rebuffed with minimal damage and embarrassment, but
still breaches personal space boundaries.
[E] Arm encircles waist. In this step, the arm is lowered closer to the genitals so is more intimate. This
form of touching, since it requires permission and attraction, which may or may not be present, is
highly risky and can spell disaster if not welcomed. However, if it is accepted, it can be used as a test to
move quickly to the following step.
[F] Mouth touches mouth. This step is fairly self explanatory but is a huge milestone in a relationship.
Most women remember their first kiss long after men do, but even if men forget the exact details after
some time, they will always recall their conquest! When two people kiss they exchange a lot more than
just spit. Chemicals in the saliva are linked to taste and if things don’t jive at this moment, everything
can unravel, and quickly. Women are often heard saying “things weren’t right” or that “he was a bad
kisser” and it usually has to do with pheromones they find unattractive, rather than his lack of skill.
Women will let men they find attractive kiss sloppily, but mediocre men need to perform at a higher
level while kissing! It has been postulated by researchers that if the unique chemical signature of men
and women is too closely alike, attraction fails to materialize, most probably due to a desire to avoid
inbreeding. Family members carry similar genes and therefore give off similar odors signatures and so
kissing is one way to test things out before getting too heavy.
[G] Hand touches head. The head is a vulnerable part of the body so we only allow those we really trust
to get close enough to play with our hair or ears or whatever. Touching and stroking the hair, plays an
intimate and important role in kissing, especially the good kind of kissing.
[H] Hand touches body. Having passed all the tests listed above, couples will permit each other to
explore various parts of their body, at the exclusion of the breasts and crotch and usually touching
happens over the clothes. Sometimes brief forays may be permitted, but this sort of intimacy still
requires caution. Touching includes stroking, fondling, tickling, caressing and are precursors to sexual
intimacy. If all goes well, both bodies will become aroused to the point of no return, pushing them into
the next step.
[J] Mouth touches body. Included in this step is hand under clothing. Usually either mouth or hands are
permitted to touch the body. This step opens up fondling of the breasts under the clothes, and usually
even permits the touching of the genitals over the clothes.
[K] Hand caresses genitals and genitals touches genitals. From steps H onward, body language lacks a
visual component and so people usually dim the lights, turn them out altogether or close their eyes so
they can eliminate distraction and shift their focus onto their sense of touch and smell. Intercourse is a
primal activity so requires just the right ingredients in just the right ratios to work. If something isn’t
quite right, then the sequence can be broken at any one stage, even at the last minute, or so I’m told!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals
Summary – Chapter 13
In this chapter we looked extensively at courtship signals. We learned that men who are not familiar
with body language tend to miss the signals put out by women, but that women can be misleading or
confusing as message senders, and that it is the women’s job to signal sexual interest. We talked about
the most common sexual signals women use, starting with displays of submission including pigeon toes
or tibial torsion, shoulder shrugs, exposing the neck or wrists, head tilt, smiling, the forehead bow and
childlike playfulness. The second class of signals, we discussed where ways to create sexiness such as
tossing the hair, tilting the pelvis, the parade, the room encompassing glance, grooming and preening,
the leg twine and leg crossing, hiking the skirt and or dressing provocatively. The third way women use
to indicate interest that we covered related to proximity such as moving closer, pointing and eye contact
and crossing the legs towards her object of affection. The remaining sexual signals were rapport
building. We learned that women dress more provocatively and ornament more elaborately when most
fertile and receptive to male advances, that echoing and mirroring is a big component in the mating
dance, and how squeezing the hand can be used as a kiss test.
We then looked at the main behaviours that can be used by women to avoid male solicitation which
included facial expressions such as yawning, frowning, sneering, gaze avoidance, upward gaze, looking
away, and staring and gestures such as negative head shaking, nail cleaning, teeth picking or pocketing
hands and postural patterns such as arm crossing, holding the trunk rigidly, closing the legs, body
contact avoidance or pulling away. These were classified into three main categories; gaze avoidance,
gestures and posture patterns.
As we saw, men solicit attention from women in a different way. Men will demonstrate dominance and
virility to appear sexier to women, whereas women traditionally display submission. We saw that alpha
men will use the cowboy posture to draw attention to their genitals, they will and should eliminate beta
male body language to attract women, use more open postures such as legs spread apart, arms
uncrossed, keep their hands away from their face, hold a firm upright torso, use their arms and hands to
punctuate points in speech, speak slowly with a calm voice, use fewer filler words such as “umms” and
“ahhs” and generally take up more space to appear more relaxed and in control. We learned that the
dominant male posture happens by placing the feet flat with the body’s weight spread evenly with hips
forward and legs slightly wider than shoulder width. We then looked at how men can use negative body
language to trick women into thinking they are disinterested in a cat and mouse game, how tonality
affects attraction with deeper being sexier, that random smiling can bring about good things and that
men should wait until eye contact is established before smiling to anchor a smile to a specific target
before breaking eye contact by looking downward. In our final section we covered the tens steps to
intimacy.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Introduction – Chapter 14
We don’t all work in office situations, but it won’t make this chapter any less valuable to those who
don’t. Throughout life we all find ourselves in business situations even if they don’t appear to be so
because money or capital is such a pervasive component of our global marketplace. This chapter is all
about setting up and also reading the nonverbal language of business, from selling, to buying and

what’s sandwiched in the middle, negotiation! We will look at how to sell to different people without
becoming their friends as well as the level of service they would prefer, how best to interact with
people when standing, and through my handshake experiment we shall see the types of bad handshakes
you will, or have already experienced, and as well as how to gain the upper hand. Specific handshake
advice is provided to women and those with small hands so their hands aren’t totally engulfed!
There are also office tips specifically directed toward women such as why women would be better
served if they played down their sexiness but still showed curves, how they can use their heels to apply
“pressure” to their colleagues, and how they can “power sit” for best results. We will also find out how
people that are prepared for action appear like sprinters in the starting blocks, how the “top dogs” or
natural leaders actually start off that way since they already have dominant body language patterns and
receive promotions for these characteristics rather than something more deserved like actual talent. We
then cover how to please your boss despite his disposition before delving into interview body language
and outline what homework needs to be done before arriving, how to enter the interview area, what
gestures are appropriate, as well as which clothing should be removed before the interview to show
belonging. We conclude our chapter on office body language with a summary of buying indicators.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
How To Signal I’m Here To Help But Not Be
Your Friend – Some Tips For Salespeople
There will be times when we’ll need to tell people that we are there for them, but at the same time, not
overstep their boundaries. One of those times is when we act as salespeople where we want to appear
helpful but not overly friendly. When dealing with the public especially in retail, we need to adopt a
different style of body language than we would with close friends.
When we sell, we need to convey “I’m here to help” so we should convey alertness and motivation, but
the message isn’t “I’m your friend” and we should maybe go for a drink sometime to catch up. We’ve
all seen good sales people who meet you with a smile, but what is an effective smile in a retail
scenario? If we smile too big, we come across as too friendly which can turn some people off. Instead
we should perform a slight smile with brief eye contact. This shows them that we’ve noticed them, and
are willing and able to engage any questions or need for assistance they might have. Eye contact should
be non-threatening and non-challenging. Eye contact combined with our anchoring smile tells the
consumer that we are employees, and that we are there to serve them. Your body should show that you
are confident and assertive primarily to serve the company you work for, as you have agreed to a
certain level of responsibility.
The next step is to identify the type of client you are working for. Some clients prefer to look around on
their own and not be bothered and others want and even need to be directed. Others yet, will prefer a
mixture of the two, especially after they have identified a product of interest. We know someone is
comfortable shopping by themselves because they use sentences such as “Just browsing” or “Having a
look around”. Someone that wants more direct help will immediately find a clerk and ask lots of
questions and express their needs and general interests. If they don’t find what they want immediately,
they will hang around a clerk, or leave altogether if they don’t get the service they require.
Clients that are short and hurried with their verbal language, who make very little or no small talk and
speak only of the products of interest, only want to get their items and leave. They won’t want to
interact on a personal level or chat about the weather or other such affairs. This is a fine stance in a

customer and should be respected. These types of people won’t even see you as a being human, rather,
they will see you as a means to their end. We identify these people because they seem to look ‘through’
or over you and seem extremely focused on the product. They will give no rapport signals and very
little facial expressions. As a salesperson you should hold a neutral body position and stay relatively
expressions and avoid trying to engage them on other levels besides that which directly involves the
sale. In other words, sell the product and it’s features rather than yourself. Push them through the
product selection quickly, talk about their pro’s and con’s and check them out as efficiently as possible,
and you will make them happy.
“Friendly” clients will want something wholly different. They will begin to chat with you, express eye
contact and might even touch to establish more rapport. Often the conversation will start off on an item
then move onto something much less centered, it could evolve into family, sports or events. For these
clients, the relationship is very important so with these types of client mirror their body language and
use plenty of eye contact in effort to make them feel comfortable and as if they are speaking to a friend.
This type of client is seeking to buy the entire experience including the salesperson and will often buy
just because they liked the salesperson. This client requires the salesperson to sell “themselves” as part
of the package.
A third type of client is the “follower.” He or she will want the salesperson to take charge. This client is
usually unfamiliar with the buying process, or they are unsure of what they are looking for. These types
of people stand out to us especially in situations like airports because it is such a confusing affair. They
will ask specific questions but these questions might be inappropriate because he or she is not totally
familiar with the subject matter. This client will show submissive body language as they try to protect
themselves from embarrassment and show willingness to follow someone in charge. Followers will
show timidity and nervousness at times, and take up less space than normal. Sometimes confident
clients appear to be followers, but they only appear so because they are in a novel environment, or are
beginning to shop for an item they don’t have much knowledgeable about. Confident people won’t
show such submissive gesture at all, but will otherwise show a desire to follow the salesperson by their
verbal language. Confident, ill-informed buyers will still tend to closely hang onto the salesperson like
a “follower”, not because they require hand-holding, but rather because they wish to be sold directly
and will purchase if enough information is provided.
The final type of client is the “dominator.” They will immediately stare you down and make strong eye
contact. They will be suspicious of the salespersons motives and want to maintain control because they
fear being taken advantage of. The dominator’s voice will be firm with neutral or negative facial
expressions. This client might move into the salespersons personal space and try to intimidate them or
they may intrude over a counter or place a bag or coat on it. They may be grabby and use touch to
influence the salesperson. In this situation, the salesperson should remain neutral or positive and not
mirror the client’s body language or conflict may escalate. Negative body language such as this is usual
for someone with a specific complaint. Instead of fighting their language stay pleasant and hear them
out trying to show empathy for their situation even if you aren’t actually able to do anything about it.
At times, dropping dominant signals can help, slumping the head and shoulders shows that we are
willing to submit to them. Sometimes winning the battle includes feigning loss and conceding to their
demands.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
How We Prefer To Orient Ourselves When
Standing
Most people would state that standing square, face-to-face was the most honest and trustworthy
position people orient themselves in while speaking with someone, but they would only be half right. In
fact, most Americans stand at forty-five degrees or at oblique angles to one another. Facing someone
dead on, is how boxers square off to one another in the pre-show weigh-in or when two men near
physical contact at a bar. The head on orientation is reserved for confrontation with just one exception.
That is when two people are really comfortable with each other.
In confrontation people get really close to one another and stare into each others eyes as a signal of
dominance. This stance has a basis in escape since it is much easier to exit left or right from a tilted
position rather than one that squares you off to someone else. When we want to exit from a
confrontational stance we need to pivot or shift first which requires more movement and puts is in peril.
However, orienting at oblique angles mutually tells us that we aren’t trying to corner each other, but
when confrontation is not a remote possibility, facing straight-on is a demonstration of extreme comfort
and trust.
Other cultures don’t feel this way. Arabic cultures for example will speak with one another with their
faces nearly touching, which isn’t rare, in fact it happens during normal conversation. Women in
American cultures tolerate such closeness only from another woman. Men who do this to women will
be perceived as sexually interested and be seen to be making a sexual come-on. If not welcomed
closeness will be a threat and turn-off, and in an office situation, should definitely be avoided.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
The Types Of Handshakes
“Pressing the flesh” or handshakes are a very important ritualized greeting gesture that has gained
worldwide popularity. How someone presents their hand during a handshake tells us a lot about how
they see their relationship with us. There are three main palm orientations that can occur during
handshakes. They are palm down (dominance or superiority), palm up (submissiveness) and palm even
(equality). A palm down orientation emphasizes that a person wishes to control and dominant by taking
the upper position forcing the other person’s palm down into a subordinate position. The palm down
orientation is similar to placing the hand on the shoulder, which a boss might do to an intern to keep
him in his place or a father might do to his son to settle him down. Conversely, the palm up offering
shows a desire to submit since the hand is passively turned over allowing someone else to dominate
them. Finally, the palm even or vertical is an attempt to build a cooperative, egalitarian relationship and
shows a desire to produce a positive relationship.
The most universally appropriate orientation for the handshake is to have palms even and vertical,
especially on a first meeting. Handshakes set the tone for the rest of the relationship though, and are
often the only time two people will ever touch, so sometimes we might use alternate orientations
depending on the goals we seek. A palm down technique can be used against a more subordinate
individual to keep them in their place, and due to their lower rank, would tolerate it, perhaps even

expect it. Anyone lower in the food chain is fair game for the palm down technique, although, I still
recommend that people try to show their desire for equality from others rather than trying to show
dominance. A boss will rarely tolerate the palm down maneuver from a subordinate. You may notice a
strong visceral reaction from handshake jousting as it were, so heed these tips with caution. Pulling off
dominance type handshakes usually amounts to not much more than negative feelings and makes others
feel uncomfortable rather than making them feel subordinate as intended. If you really wish to
dominate and control people than using territorial displays, invading people’s space and using strong
eye language is much more permitted and effective.
It is common for people in equally powerful positions to jockey for the upper hand. Failing to show
dominance through nonverbal means in the workplace can be disastrous when one intends to rise in the
ranks. When performing the palm down handshake it is not necessary to thrust your arm forward with
palm perfectly parallel with the ground. Doing so might even make the handshake impossible or
confusing to your counterpart because it can be mistaken for some other gesture. Instead, move the
hand forward with a slight downward angle such that it forces their hand to meet and rotate upwards.
Once hands meet don’t try to twist, instead maintain the same angle and begin your two to three pumps.
For best results always be sure to hold eye contact while shaking hands, smile slightly, use good but not
excessive pressure and leaning forward slightly to convey extra interest.
It might seem that the palm-up orientation has no place at all in the handshake world, but this is not so.
It can be used to placate higher authorities in order to demonstrate your desire to please them. Such is
the case when a boss of much higher status meets an employee low in the ranks. The palm up shows
that he is keen to keep his job and doesn’t present any threat. Someone who has crossed the line at
work and is facing reprimand is best suited to at least feign his intent to set the record straight. There
will be times too, that it is unfeasible to reverse the palm down technique which can cause very
negative feelings so going with the flow is the second best course of action. To initiate a more equal
relationship, despite taking up a palm-up orientation, you can add additional pressure at the beginning
of the handshake which shows that you aren’t a complete pushover. This tells others nonverbally that
you deserve a second look and that you aren’t interested in sucking up.
Duration and pressure are two other very important aspects of a good handshake. A handshake that is
too short indicates lack of interest, warmth and enthusiasm, whereas a handshake that is of proper
duration shows interest, attention and empathy. However, if the length of time increases much more
than ordinary, the positive characteristics quickly vanish only to be replaced by negative ones. When
handshakes last too long they aren’t usually aggressively protested, but your partner may seem to
pulling back or away slightly. The greatest damage to over-shaking will be seen in their impression of
you and will be carried forward possibly creating problems later on. The handshake is usually the first
time two people touch and so is an important gesture in our first impressions, and because touch
happens so rarely handshakes become etched in our minds.
Pressure and duration testing are great ways to decide if, or how strongly, someone will resist your
authority. During the handshake add more pressure and increase the length of your handshake, if it’s
not met with additional pressure or is met with an attempt to pull away, you can be fairly certain that
your demands will be met with little resistance.
If pulling away does happen, check to see how it is done because this can be indicative of the method
and strength by which people use to cause issues later on. If the attempt is weak or ineffective, than
there is a good chance resistance will appear in hidden forms later on, but if they pull back confidently
you can expect an open battle.
We can also tell a lot about a person by the texture of their hand. A skilled tradesmen who works
fulltime building houses will have callused hands, whereas a lawyer would not. Sometimes a mixture
of the two is present as is the case with the lawyer who runs a hobby carpentry outfit on his weekends.

So while we can use hand features to determine congruencies, we also must exercise some caution.
Regardless, hands, their strength and character can give away some tells about a person and their habits
so while we are at it, meaning shaking hands, we might as well collect these cues as they may come in
“handy” in the future.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Types Of Bad Handshakes
The handshake is a very common greeting gesture performed all around the world and up until recently
the style with which they were delivered was anecdotally believe to predict personality traits the people
who did them. Does the “bone crusher” or “wet fish” handshaker really convey that a person is
aggressive or timid? Research conducted in 2000 by Dr. William Chaplin from the University of
Alabama set out to get some facts straight about what the handshake really means. He found one
hundred twelve students to be a part of his study but kept the purpose of it a secrete. They were simply
told there were four parts to the experiment, and they’d be dismissed and welcomed to each part with a
handshake in addition to other formalities. Four of the researchers, two men and two women were
trained for a month on how to perform certain handshakes.
The researchers had students stand next to smaller rooms and as they entered they greeted them by
shaking their hand and then proceeded into the room to fill out a questionnaire. The researchers found
that a firm handshake was related to extroversion and emotional expressiveness rather than shyness and
neuroticism. Women were also rated as more open to experiences when they used a firm handshake.
The results show that our handshakes reveal a lot about our personalities. Women with strong
handshakes can equalize themselves alongside men in the workplace and bring more favourable initial
ratings from others. While an assertive attitude can be considered “pushy” especially in women, a firm
handshake is an acceptable technique to show confidence without appearing too aggressive. According
to Dr. Chaplin a firm handshake is a safe place for women to show their dominance in the workplace.
They also happen automatically, we don’t consciously think about them and therefore we don’t often
realize how good or bad our handshake really is. However, this also means we can tell a lot about
people from how they shake hands because, chances are, it’s what occurs naturally to them. While men
overall have firmer handshakes, the study shows us that women can level the ground simply by
stepping up their firmness.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
My Little Handshake Experiment
In effort to research a better handshake I shook hands with a door to door salesman (against my
primary instincts), my ex-employer, my father and brother in-law, my dentist, a lawyer, my accountant,
my wife’s boss, my friends wife, my new tenants and thirty other potential tenants that came for a look,
a real estate agent and his brother, a doctor, a university professor, a banker, my mortgage broker, a
waiter and two new guys that showed up for poker night. In that time I’ve had just about everything
imaginable done to my hand. It was twisted, crushed, pulled, slapped and rotated and lovingly held. My
arm was hugged, pushed, rigorously pumped and yanked practically out of its socket.
From what little research exists on handshakes, the conclusion is that most people aren’t aware of what

they are doing when they shake hands and so don’t know how their handshakes appear to others. The
next time you get a chance, ask others what they thought of your handshake. Perhaps you carry some of
the following traits in your handshake unintentionally.
Here’s a breakdown of the various bad handshakes that I have, and that you (hopefully won’t)
experience:
1. The death grip
2. The cold dead wet fish
3. The limp fish
4. Short grabber/finger grabber
5. Stiff arm and trust forward
6. Wrench forward controller
7. Arm twister
8. Over pumper
9. Double gripper politician
10. The teacup
11. The undershaker
12. The oddball
The death grip 1: Those that employ a macho bone crushing grip have aggressive personalities and
intend to try to dominant you from the start and while this is true, the origins of this handshake and
personality usually lies in insecurity that fosters a need to prove himself at every instant. It says “I have
the power over you and can cause you pain if I so desire.” They have no regard for how others perceive
them and use pain to put people in their place. Rings on the fingers can make matters even worse, and I
think they know it! You can put these people in their place by verbalizing your pain, and drawing other
people’s attention to it jokingly. Most people wont have enough confidence to be vocal about it, which
is how the death gripper gets his power, but if done properly can make others laugh and set yourself
apart.
Instead of using bone crushing force, use moderate pressure and when in doubt match the pressure
given by the other person to signify a desire for cooperation. If you wish to set the tempo in a
relationship, then deliver only slightly more pressure than them. When applying for a job, a bone
crushing handshake should be avoided at all costs. You do not want to send a dominant or hostile
message to your potential boss.
The cold dead wet fish 2: The dead wet fish is another particularly disgusting handshake and it portrays
negative emotions to anyone that receives it. Nervousness causes sweat or even a cold drink that is
condensing causes our hands to become damp and clammy which is a turnoff to others who receive this
nasty treat. Sometimes the hands simply sweat continuously and uncontrollably from a medical
condition called hyperhidrosis which affects about five percent of the population. If you are meeting a
large amount of people, as in a cocktail party, holding a drink in the left hand, rather than the right, is a
good practice to keep it properly aired out and dry. Storing a napkin in the pocket can also help in
wiping your hands discreetly before handshakes, but even absent of a napkin, wiping them on the
inside of the leg inside a pant pocket can serve the trick. Women who usually lack attire with pockets
can lightly wipe their hands on their clothing discretely, use a napkin that holds food, or better yet or
make a few trips to the washroom if the problem is particularly severe. Keeping the hands out of your
pockets is good advice too, since the added heat and moisture will only make matters worse. Sometime
moisture issues are unavoidable and rather than dwelling on them raising anxiety further, it is better to
focus on aspects that are more controllable such as pressure and connectivity.
The limp fish 3: The flaw in the limp fish handshake is that it has far too little pressure – the handshake

has “no bones.” It can be so ineffective it is as though one is shaking the hand of a five-year-old and
usually comes from people who are ill at ease with shaking hands and touching in general. The limp
fish handshake comes from people who submit the handshake ritual but who find the handshake as a
violation of their personal space. The credibility of this handshake is very low and makes people think
that you are shy or timid, lack masculinity and interest, confidence, leadership or have poor people
skills. You are far less likely to gain employment for positions requiring dominant traits such as
management. Men also might resort to the limp fish when shaking hands with women, but this is a
mistake. Today, women expect the same treatment that men do, so give them the respect they deserve
and don’t let up, give a good firm handshake. When shaking hands always try to match grip pressure to
the other person unless of course they have a weak handshake. If that’s the case, apply slightly more
pressure, there is no need to overdue it. If you really wish to send a submissive handshake you can do
so by letting up slightly, but be careful not to seem like a push-over.
Short grabber/finger grabber 4: Someone that grabs your fingers rather than your entire hand is trying
to keep you at your distance and also put you in your place. Short grabbers are usually insecure but
often try to hide this by coming off as dominant. If they add a crushing action in addition to the finger
tip grab they are trying to send and even stronger message by displaying their physical power over you.
Crushing is used to put a bit of fear into their partners so as to dismiss the likelihood of any future
challenge against them. If by chance you accidentally grab the fingers of someone else which can
happen when men shake hands with women, you can vocally suggest doing the handshake over again.
A simple “sorry, that didn’t quite work, let’s give it another go” will suffice. This will show that you are
concerned about starting off on the right foot to properly set the tone for the relationship.
Stiff arm and thrust forward 5: The stiff arm thrust forward happens when someone grabs your hand
then pushes you backwards putting you off balance. It’s a common occurrence for those trying to
maintain their distance. Take for example a city slicker and a country farmer who meet for the first
time. The farmer might accept the handshake even though a wave would be more appropriate for their
comfort and to keep his space will push his arm forward shoving the city slicker back. This sort of
handshake can happen anytime a person requires more space than their partner and this isn’t always
people from the country.
Wrench forward 6: Unlike the thrust forward, the wrench forward handshaker will pull people into their
personal space. This is done by people who require less personal space. It happens during a normal
handshake except that a person pulls sharply toward them forcing you off balance and moving you into
their personal space. People who shakes hands in this way are trying to control the other person by
moving them into their personal space against their will. They feel that they can influence them more
efficiently by making them uncomfortable. They are also setting the other person off balance making
them unable to properly respond. Another variation exists too where someone might pull you forward
toward a chair, or move you to one side of the room as they desire. Someone that shakes hands like this
is trying to set the tone for the relationship by controlling where you move next. Obviously, this is a
sign that they want to dominate you.
Arm twister 7: The arm twister happens like any other normal handshake except that part way through
the hand is twisted underneath into the submissive palm up position. Someone who does this is
absolutely committed to being on top. Sometimes a dominant handshaker will also offer their palm
facing upwards almost vertically making it nearly impossible to gain the upper hand position. An arm
twister is someone that wants to dominate the relationship from the start, so your tactics should be
adjusted accordingly. In future encounters, attempts should be made to rotate the palm back to an even,
vertical position.
Over pumper 8: This guy thinks handshakes are like pulling water from a well. Your arm is not only
vigorously pumped up and down and with force, but it’s done more than what anyone would call

normal. Three pumps is recommended and usual, but up to seven can still be acceptable. However,
more than ten or fifteen is getting excessive and the pumping action should never seem out of ordinary
or particularly violent.
Double gripper politician 9: The double gripper where both hands are used to sandwich the other
persons hand is the “politician’s handshake”. It’s an intimate handshake but in the wrong company can
be taken as insincere and create negative feelings for the same reason it creates positive feelings when
used by politicians – because it breaks privacy boundaries. Politicians and celebrities and other high
status people are afforded greater luxuries than the rest of the population, which is why we tolerate and
even encourage them to kiss our babies! However, even in politicians, touching is carefully calculated
and practiced. The double handshake happens when the right hand’s join followed by the left hand
placed (almost) lovingly over the right hand as if to form a glove. The higher up is the placement of the
hand, the more intimate. We would only use this once a strong relationship has been formed to show
affection or a deep desire to make amen’s. It might also be used to strike a particularly lucrative deal
that both parties feel will greatly help each other. In everyday use, the double grip handshake has little
place and instead of conveying positive emotions arouses suspicion and doubt. Other forms of touching
during a handshake include the elbow, shoulder, upper arm or the wrist. These are fairly advanced ways
of shaking hands and reserved for more aggressive and experienced handshakers. The higher up the
touching occurs, the more intimate it is so can appear as a personal space invasion. The shoulder grip is
the most intense form of intimacy used during handshakes and should be used only with those you have
a strong emotional tie.
Secondary to the double gripper politician but not a category onto itself is a handshake that happens as
normal except the inside of the wrist is stroked with the index finger during the hand shake pump. If
this happens to you, you’re bound to feel shocked, as are most people as it was by design. This person
is trying to evoke a visceral feeling in you that they have the upper hand and can do as they please.
Think of the wrist tickler as a nonverbal way to assault but that is so subtle that no one else will notice
except the person experiencing it. Be very weary of folks that try this handshake on you as they are
definitely playing psychological mind games and may try to pull a fast one on you.
The teacup 10: This handshake is conducted like any other good handshake except that the palm is
cupped such that it makes no contact with the other palm. Someone that shakes hands like this is either
shy or insecure, doesn’t want to fully bond or is trying to hide something. These people might take
more time to open up and fully reveal their true selves to others. Take your time with them and give
them lots space to open up and instead of bantering on endlessly give them an open platform to express
themselves.
The undershaker 11: This handshake is so quick, it’s actually offensive. It lasts merely seconds where
the hand is quickly grabbed then released or tossed aside. Sometimes it even lacks any pumping action
at all. Someone who shakes hands like this is showing indifference and suspicion, perhaps they feel you
are trying to sell them something they aren’t at all interested in. Other times they are trying to signal
that you are intruding on their ground and that no agreement will be made. It’s probably best to respect
their wishes, as their initial impression shows that you have come on far too strong. Other times the
undershaker resides in an area where physical contact isn’t normal and they aren’t used to shaking
hands so don’t know how to properly handle it.
The Oddball 12: This is the sort of handshake your teenage son or daughter comes home with in effort
to confusing the heck out of you! It’s the handshake that has you saying “You do what with what, then
what?!?” It often includes bumps, slaps, flicks and clicks. This is a fine handshake amongst casual
friends, but please avoid this on a job interview or with other employees. It does however, display a
relaxed atmosphere and has its place to form intimate friendships and bonds.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Thwarting Dominant Handshakes
Simply trying to reverse the wrist when present palm down is very risky, sometimes impossible and
also make your intentions obvious. Instead use the step to the right technique outline by Dr. David
Lewis in his book The Secret Language Of Success. It is done first by stepping forward toward the
person with the left foot. This will feel unnatural when shaking with the right hand as the tendency is to
step forward with the right foot. Next, step forward with the right foot and move across and in front of
the person to their left side. In the process, rotate your palm downward to even your wrist with theirs
and complete the maneuver by moving your right foot across.
This technique is especially important if you wish to thwart the power plays of a particularly prominent
palm up hand-shaker and wish to send a strong signal of authority back. To send an even stronger
message or if it’s impossible to make complete the full maneuver, authority can be given by invading
their personal space. Short gripping the hand and grabbing the fingers can also be effective if you do
not which to entertain them at all, and the most brazen of moves, includes grabbing the top of their
wrist and shaking it with your palm. The normal reaction will be shock and surprise but your message
will be loud and clear. To counter the right hand technique, which if you are following is the counter to
the counter, is to hold the arm rigid and bracing it against your side and holding the person away from
your body. Eye contact during these moves can add even more strength. Great care must be exercised
with these handshakes as they can often escalate hostility, however, at times they are necessary to assert
your position and rank within your company.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Handshake Advice For Women And Men With
Small Hands
While you might think it has little effect, a firm handshake from a woman where it might be least
expected, can be very powerful and get them noticed. In fact, to this day, I still recall the first woman
that impressed me with her handshake and the exact location in which it occurred, and this was nearly
ten years ago!
Women with good handshakes and dominant body language will have a better chance of securing more
important roles in corporations such as supervisors and managers, and get to these positions much
faster. To avoid having their entire hand enveloped by a man’s, women should thrust their entire hand
forward holding the thumb at ninety degrees to their palm with the hand in a perfectly vertical position.
Next, thrust the hand forward aiming the web, which is the skin located between the thumb and index
finger so that it aligns with the web of his hand. To some degree this prevents the larger hand from fully
engulfing the smaller hand as is when hands are only weakly thrust forward, or not thrust at all. In these
cases, the small handed person usually ends up with their finger tips being crushed by the mitts of the
larger hand!

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Handshake Conclusion
It’s obvious to most that the extremities of the handshakers are most undesirable with the middle
ground making the best impressions. Most people would have experienced at least five of the ten types
of handshakes listed here, hopefully being spared of the most traumatic, that is, the ones that cause pain
such as the bone crusher or death grip. The worse I’ve ever endured was a combination of a short
grabber combined with a bone crusher. Whenever I meet this person I tried to trust forward to get as
much finger into this persons hand as possible or try to avoid the handshake altogether! Women also
seem to be particularly prone to thrusting just their fingers forward and in turn receive an
unwelcomingly firm handshake by a clutch of fingers and palms wrapped around their little fingers.
They’d be best served to keep their fingers together and thrust the whole lot forward instead of just the
tips.
Ingredients of a good handshake includes raising your hand when about three feet away from the other
person, keeping your hand vertical with the thumb pointing upwards, making a firm grip of the other
person’s hand, shaking web-to-web rather then finger to web, maintain eye contact and shaking for a
maximum of three times then letting go. A firm handshake gives the impression of quiet confidence and
says that “I’m happy to meet you” yet portrays a person as having a no “non-sense” attitude. As the
other person releases their grip pressure be sure to let go of their hand rather than holding on for longer
than necessary. Holding the hand at the completion of the handshake can convey added emphasis and
intimacy, but it is also risky. This is especially important in business where first impressions can often
set the tone for the entire relationship. Fortunately handshakes are learned behaviours and not inherent
making it easily corrected when the proper formula is adopted.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Power Sitting For Women – What To Do, What
To Avoid
Women in the workplace are always walking a thin line between their sexuality and authority. Women
all know that their looks can be used to manipulate others around them, especially men, however
physical attractiveness in the workplace has been repeatedly shown to lead others to dismiss women’s
thoughts. However, one way women can combat this and still maintain their sexuality is as follows: sit
with legs crossed leg over knee and have the high heel pointed horizontally at someone they wish to
intimidate. Most dominant cues that work for men, such as the full body steeple, are ineffective when
used by women. However, the heel is something men don’t have so it doesn’t come across as being a
typically dominant male gesture. The heel acts like a dagger against its prey and neutralizes it. The
posture shows assertiveness and that she is willing and able to emasculate men.
One sitting position women should particularly avoid is sitting with arms up and behind the head in the
full steeple position as mentioned. This posture has the effect of putting the breasts on full display
which counteracts any dominant aspects it might otherwise impart. Even having the legs crossed in the
figure four looks odd when performed by women. A crotch display is not effective for women as it is
for men, so it should be eliminated altogether. Hand steepling is another gender neutral dominance
stance and can be used with effectiveness. Women want to pick up cues that suite their overall

personality without putting people off. Assertive women often described as “bitchy” to others, usually
because they take things too far. Women seeking powerful positions often think they need to go overthe-top
because the fear being discounted. However, this isn’t so, and like men, need to balance being
dominant and “mean” and demonstrating leadership qualities.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Appearing Masculine – Power Dressing Advice
For Women
Our dress conveys a lot about who we are and what we intend to do. At work, our dress is even more
significant. We could never pull off evening wear at work, and work-wear makes us appear uptight at a
club. One of the most significant factors at work for women, is their sexuality. Unfortunately, what
gives women power to arouse in clubs, will make them appear insignificant at work. Studies have
shown that when women dress overtly sexual they are taken far less seriously and, not surprisingly, are
even objectified by others. This isn’t just a male chauvinism problem either, as women in the
workplace will also tend to take women who dress sexy less seriously even talking about them behind
their backs.
In a study by Sandra Forsythe of Miami University in 1984 it was found that subjects rated theoretical
applicants more favourably when they whore more masculine clothing regardless of their sex
Masculine clothing was significant in forming positive opinions about forcefulness, self reliance,
dynamism, aggressiveness, decisiveness and received a much greater likelihood of recommendation to
be hired. While women don’t need to appear stiff, by wearing tie, pants and jackets, like men, they do
need to downplay their sexuality especially with respect to their attire.
In the workplace masculinity is the dominant factor. For women, a suite tailored in the style of men to
square the body off is a good place to start. This doesn’t exclude tailored curves though, exposing some
femininity but it does mean avoiding cleavage. Despite the common misconception, short skirts and
high heels might command more attention, but it won’t be the kind of attention that invites promotions.
Darker colours can signify a power position, but if the desire is to appear more social than lighter
brighter colours can be appropriate. White is associated with honesty and purity which is why we see
doctors and estheticians wear it, and black is associated with intellect, expertise and authority. Make-up
should be subtle or go unnoticed or if the attire is subdued can be more elaborate to trace the magical
boundary between sexuality and femininity. The key message is to downplay gender signals and play
up asexuality. Being either too masculine or too feminine are reported much less favourably at work in
studies so be sure to blend both and find a happy medium that works for you.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Leaning And Ready Language In The Office
And Elsewhere
We show attentiveness and also readiness, meaning a preparedness to take action by leaning toward the
speaker, or things we want to get closer to, and away from speakers, or things we want to avoid.
“Things” in the sentence previous can mean anything from proposals, ideas, opinions, decisions or
anything else for that matter. This “ready posture” is akin to the sprinters ready position at the starting
blocks and is called an “intention movement” because it tells us what someone wishes to do. The hands
are placed on the legs or knees and the body leans forward ready to spring up and close a deal, or any
other action that is being presented. It can also be done by placing the hands on the chair, arm rest or
hands on the knees. While standing, the ready position is taken up by placing the hands on the hips.
The eyes can also play a role in ready language as they make frequent and repetitive ganders to where a
person is thinking, or where they would like to be.
In a business meeting or on a sales call, the ready position indicates that it’s time to stop talking and
time to start closing, and that any agreement related to the conversation previous is likely to be
accepted. Leaning forward not only means readiness, it sometimes means general interest. For
example, a conversation taking place between friends containing some juicy gossiping or with an
enthralling storyline, will have each party up “at the edge of their seats” and engaged in the
conversation seemingly hanging onto every word. Other times, leaning language means that someone is
late and needs to leave, or is bored and ready to go. The opposite position, meaning backwards leaning
shows the reverse. It shows a detachment from the topic or from the speaker but can also indicate a
high degree of comfort or relaxation where someone wishes not to leave. To uncover the true meaning
behind leaning it will be a matter of tracking down additional cues to produce a cluster, and then
matching this cluster with the context. The torso, however, is a great place to look to uncover where
someone wants to go; it usually points directly to it.
A final ready posture that tells us someone wants to leave happens by propping the body up and coiling
the legs underneath in a seated position. Uncrossing the legs and getting them underneath the weight of
the body, shows body language readers that someone is ready to pick themselves up. This type of body
language is a “leading gesture” because it is a predictor of what is about to happen. The body can also
be tensed up or fidget so as to ready itself even more, and be moving away from what would normally
be perceived to be the centre of attention. When people want to leave, their body begins to lean toward
the exit, but even if their torso’s don’t, their feet will betray them by being extended forward.
Additional ready gestures include straightening clothing, arranging or organizing papers, grabbing bags
and so forth. These last cues, like the others, indicate an effort to get things going.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Leadership Body Language
Holding dominant body language is like a wedge that holds the door open between levels at your work.
When new employees arrive in our companies, even if just a junior level employee, everyone
instinctively classifies them. They are either leaders or followers from the start, but it’s not just
“something” about them, something mystical or intangible, it is plain and simple, it is their body

language that tells us their future roles. We know right away if they will fit into the company, be fired,
or come out as future “top dogs.” The research shows us that if you don’t hold dominant body
language, you’ll never be promoted to leadership roles. Leaders aren’t usually able to talk their way up
a hierarchy, although sometimes they do, and it ends up causing remorse and conflict from lower
ranking employees because they lack the respect that comes with dominance and leadership seeming to
emanate from certain people. So if you want to get higher in your company here are some tips.
First, increase your height through better posture. Hold your head higher and whenever you can exploit
high differences, do it. If everyone is sitting, stand, but don’t make everyone feel uncomfortable by
towering over them. If you have split levels, stand on the top level and keep everyone else on the lower
rug. Find excuses to stand by volunteering to draw out plans on a board when brainstorming. This gives
you two advantages, the first of which is the height advantage where you can tower over your follow
employees and the second is more strategic. By being the chalkboard secretary, you become the person
that everyone defers to for idea acceptance, while having the freedom to add any ideas yourself as
desired without needing approval. Second to exploiting height differences, is breadth expansions.
Meaning, one should try to appear bigger by taking up more space. Not only should you spread out
your legs and arms, but you should also spread out your papers, pens and other artifacts. Taking up
space is a way to own more of it, and is a strong signal of dominance.
Your gaze should be serious and direct, with your head held high. Don’t be afraid to use touch, but
touch only in safe zones such as the arm between the hand and elbow, the elbow itself and sometimes
the shoulders but only with caution. If you can get away with shoulder or back touches, do so, but pay
attention to the reaction is creates so as not to insult others. Always try to be the first to speak and be
the “go-to-guy” for questions and opinions. It is therefore important to be helpful, task oriented, and
sincerely try to do a good job. Avoid smiling too much especially if you are a woman, as this can be
taken as submission or placation. A neutral face is more appropriate during high tension situation so
fight the urge to smile nervously and only nod in agreement with statements you really agree with. In
other words, don’t smile and nod while expressing negative ideas as it only serves to confuse others,
and can make people think you are weak and easily manipulated. Keep your body language in tune
with your verbal words and don’t be afraid to cast judgments on solutions you feel are inappropriate.
Conversely use encouragement when deserved and back it up with genuine body language.
While body language alone won’t guarantee a raise in dominance, it’s a good first step. The next part of
the process is an attitude overhaul while remaining consistent. A word of caution is a must. If you are
working within an existing environment where your behaviour will be monitored throughout the
process rather than entering a novel environment where people have no baseline to compare you to, be
prepared for some resistance. Understand that you are sure to cause resentment, which might create a
desire to undermine you, but the last thing you need in your quest for a higher rank are lower dissenters
so always treat others with the respect they deserve – even if they don’t deserve it! Upward movement
while others stagnant, can be perceived as a threat, create animosity, and more than likely bread
challenges. Your task to leadership will be to meet these challenges with consistent and unwavering
body language.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
How To Handle The Type Of Bosses: Autocratic,
Democratic And Laissez-Faire
To properly understand your boss you must first classify them. There are three broad categories most
bosses fit into, they are autocratic, democratic and laissez-faire. The fact of the matter, is that we
usually like our bosses (as with all people) when our body language compliments theirs. When we
match, we feel like we naturally connect with them. However, if our styles clash we feel awkward or
uncomfortable and feel like we constantly have to self-monitor. Here is a breakdown of the different
types of bosses and how to handle them.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Autocratic
We can tell if our boss autocratic if they are attached to the status artifacts around them. Their desk will
be used as a barrier protecting them from intruders, they will have cleaver title markings on their desk
or door, and usually have trophies or accolades on their walls. Their dress will be formal and expensive
and their posture will be rigid and straight. Friendliness is the foe of the autocratic boss so he will keep
you at arms length, keep conversations on task and hold expressionless faces. If you get out of line, he
will use his body language to put you back in your place with harsh voice tones and eye contact. Often
autocratic bosses are seen as unloving, unfriendly or inhumane. To get along with him, use body
language that doesn’t undermine his status, allow him to maintain his power, never enter his personal
space or move to his side of the desk without permission, don’t interrupt him, smile pleasantly, and
keep conversations brief so as not to waste his time.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Democratic
The second type of employer is the democratic boss. Democratic bosses are most often female and their
most popular sentiment is to make others feel welcome and comfortable. They will try to build personal
relationships and welcome new ideas and thoughts to the conversation. Their office will have informal
meeting places and the door will ‘always be open’. Other signals of the democratic leader, is her desire
to build rapport, she’ll come to speak with someone instead of writing out orders on paper, she’ll be
encouraging and touch more frequently. To work with this type of boss, mirror their language. Use
open body language when she does, and feel free to chat with her when necessary. Avoid thinking that
she desires and equal relationship though and overstep the employee-employer relationship. Allow her
the control and respect she deserves, and give her the chance to speak first and most often. The rules of
engagement are still the same for all bosses.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Laissez-faire
The final type of boss is the laissez-faire type. The words “laissez-faire” is French for “let be”.
Literally, this boss will give an employee free reign, or seemingly so. They have confidence in the
ability of others to do a good job, and check in only occasionally to measure progress. This boss will be
relaxed and not status conscious, they will try to avoid others as much as possible to afford them the
room and space they need to work. They might be friendly, but lack eye contact and expression so as
not to become involved with others and take them off task. To work well with this boss, use confident
and independent body language. Give off signals that you are working efficiently and are coping with
any project given to you. Keep meetings short, update them of your progress every so often, then get
back to work.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Job Interview Body Language
More than anything else during a job interview is the overall impression you leave with your
prospective employer. Your credentials including your resume and even what you say will all be long
forgotten minutes after you leave the interviewer’s office. They may recall certain things you said, but
they won’t key in on them specifically. Instead the interviewer will key in on how you said them. In
fact, most studies agree that job interviews are a fairly unproductive affair, as how you are rated, and
whether or not you are hired, has more to do with how much you are liked by the interviewer than any
other factor.
Body language during an interview is simple. All that is required of you is to convey that you are
competent, qualified and most importantly, that you will fit in with the current company’s structure
without causing problems. This raises a common misconception about job interviews which says that
standing out from the other applicants is the goal, but in reality, fitting in should be your primary
objective. The following are some tips to taking a proper interview.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Before You Get There
Some advanced preparation can help you match or mirror the language of the office. Choosing dress
that fits into the workplace is common knowledge, so it’s not necessary to cover this at lengths, suffice
it to say that you should try to wear attire that is much like what current employees are already wearing
except if it includes scrubs or overalls. In most cases a cleanly pressed suite for men is appropriate,
whereas women should wear something professional yet asexual.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
When You First Arrive
When you first arrive remove your outerwear and hang it up if possible. Try to make it seem like you
belong and already fit in. When you are waiting, take notes. Have a look at the secretary and her dress
and look around at others. How are they dressed? Are they casual or dressed formally. This can tell you
a lot about the office’s standards of conduct. Is the office busy or quiet? Get into this framework and
picture yourself there. If there is any information or company accolades on the wall, read them, and
mentally make notes as you can potentially use them in your interview. If possible, remain standing in
the waiting room, so as not to go unnoticed. Don’t fidget, instead remain relaxed with authoritarian
postures such as the military man with hand in hand behind the back trying not to appear closed.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Your Entry
When asked to come in, move in swiftly but not quickly, take your time, but don’t be wasteful of others
either. Maintain a steady pace into the office and note what the interviewer is doing. If they are still
playing with papers take even more time so they can take a good look at you. Once seated half of your
body will be covered by a desk so this is the second to last chance you have to being remembered. If
they are ready for you allow them to indict to you where you should sit. If they are busy, then put down
your briefcase and make eye contact. If they are still on the phone or doing other things, take a seat and
allow them to get ready. When they are set, they will usually shake your hand. If they don’t, then make
the effort to shake theirs. It sometimes happens that we don’t shake hands because we “don’t like the
looks of someone” but perhaps it is due to having had a long day interviewing so we wouldn’t want to
let an opportunity to provide a good handshake slip us by. After you shake hands, if you haven’t
already, immediately take a seat instead of towering over them.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
During The Interview
Don’t be thrown off by the office set-up, as it might be created to put you at a disadvantage. For
example, the chair provided for you might be shorter than the interviewees and a large desk might
separate you from them. Don’t concern yourself with this, as everyone else will be viewed with the
same conditions. Try your best to seem comfortable in whatever position you happen to be in. Keep
your legs uncrossed and flat on the floor with your hands in your lap. Keep your back straight and head
up and lean toward the interviewer slightly. Always hit on the averages, not too much and not too little.
This goes for everything, appear relaxed, but not too relaxed, use gestures, but not too often and so
forth. If the interviewer seems uptight, don’t try to loosen them up with jokes or banter but if they seem
personable, or in the mood, it can be advantageous to discuss interests and hobbies. Office photographs
can be great links to common interests to help build rapport. If a direct question is asked, answer
directly, don’t appear to waste time with the interviewer. Try your best to maintain flow between the
communication style of the interviewer and yourself. If they speak quickly, don’t try to keep up, but

don’t lag behind either. It’s always better to speak a little bit slower and more confidently than speaking
faster than your mind can think.
Maintain good eye contact while speaking and while listening allow for some periods when eye contact
is broken. Never cut off the interviewer and offer plenty of cues that you understand what is being said.
Speak slowly and confidently and never more than thirty seconds at a time. Nods and approval sounds
such as “mhum” makes the interviewer know that you comprehend what is being said and the research
shows us that this is important even for high status individuals. If you are genuinely confused by what
is said tilt your head to the side to make a query face. If this body language doesn’t yield clarifying
information from the interviewer, then ask to hear the information again, as it shows that you are
keenly interested in learning more about the work.
To measure your success throughout the interview watch for eye contact, smiling and nodding. The
research show us that successful applicants get twice as much eye contact, three times more smiling
and twice as much head nodding as unsuccessful ones. Use this information to build your confidence or
to ramp up your pitch if things aren’t going well.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Gestures
Never gesture too much because subconsciously it will appear that we are at a loss for words. Don’t
restrict gestures either, as they will make us seem uptight and will inhibit our speech flow and always
return your hands to your lap after each bout of movement. High status individuals use gestures much
less than low status individuals so keep your gestures deliberate, clear and meaningful. If possible and
appropriate, mirror the subtle gestures of your interviewer to try to build rapport. The more similar you
can make them think you are to them, the more confident they will be in your ability to do the job and
fit in.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Your Exit
When prompted that the interview is over take your time in packing your things, rather than rushing to
leave. Don’t loiter either though, just make it clear that you aren’t in such an awkward position that you
need to quickly exit. Shake hands again if possible and clear up any last questions that you might have.
The interviewer will likely let you know how and when the interview process will be finalized. Make
your exit deliberate as you did your entry.

Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Reading Buy Signals
No matter what your occupation, we are all in the business of selling. If we aren’t selling a particular
product, we’re selling ourselves! Most good salesmen agree that almost every form of sales includes
the selling of oneself and when people buy, they usually buy us and not the merchandise. This is why
it’s important to know when we are on the right track during a sales call. Buying signals include
indicators that tell us that someone is not only ready to buy an item, but can also mean that they are
ready to sign a deal, offer us a job, create a partnership or forge practically any other agreement. Let’s
look at some of the ways we know when someone is about to commit to buying so we can tone down
or stop our pitch altogether in favour of closing out. Pitching passed the point where a decision is made
is always unnecessary, but sometimes even disastrous because we may end up saying something extra
to take them out of the buying mood. So here are the various signals we should watch for during a sales
pitch.
Eye contact: During the pitch process a buyer will sometimes try to feign disinterest (or might actually
be disinterested) but as someone readies to buy, they increase eye contact.
Moving in: Buyers will shrink the distance between them and the seller usually by leaning inward, or if
standing, by moving in closer. Translation – they don’t want the deal to slip away.
Touching the chin: Touching the chin is a powerful signal showing thought, and if seen along with
accompanying buy-signals, closing should be attempted.
Greater relaxation: Tension is heavy during negotiations, but as demands are met and agreements
created, a sudden release of tension from the body indicates that your client is prepared to accept the
deal and is okay with its terms.
Any reversal of these signals, midstream or a lack of buy-signals shows that a buyer is not yet ready to
purchase. With what we have covered throughout this book, it should be obvious from their body
language, the reason they withhold the sale. If possible, addressing concerns as you go through hints in
their body language, but if you miss them and get hung up put the ball in their court by asking them
what needs addressing. This is only a fail-safe tactic since in most cases, as we have seen people give
off plenty of solid clues to negative thought patterns.
Chapter 14 - Office Body Language
Summary – Chapter 14
In this chapter we examined body language as it relates to business. We learned that we can signal the
desire to help in a sales environment without developing friendship by first identifying the type of
consumer they are. There are four types of consumer; they are clients who prefer to help themselves,
the friendly client who is looking to chat and build rapport before deciding on what to buy, the follower
who will want the salesperson to take charge and the dominator who wants to stare clerks down and
remains suspicious of their motives. We also learned ways of dealing with each type of client.
Next we covered how people prefer to orient themselves while speaking and found regional
differences. For example, Americans will speak at forty-five degree angles to each other, but Arabic
cultures will speak so close their faces nearly touch. We then covered handshake techniques and types

and found that there are three main handshake orientations; palm down (superiority), palm up
(submissive) and palm even (equality) and also the ways to deal with them. We summarized a good
handshake as having just the right pressure and duration but that it should vary depending on whom
you are shaking hands with. We learned that firm handshakes versus “limp” handshakes can equalize
women and men in the workplace and supported this with research that tied firm handshakes to
extroversion and emotional expressiveness rather than shyness and neuroticism. We then covered the
various handshakes one might encounter and provided visually accurate names for them. They were the
death grip, the cold dead wet fish, the limp fish, short grabber/finger grabber, stiff arm and trust
forward, wrench forward controller, arm twister, over pumper, double gripper politician, the teacup, the
undershaker and the oddball.
We then explained how to thwart dominant handshakes particularly the palm down presentation with
the step to the right technique, as well as the various other techniques to send particular messages based
on your particular handshake partner and intention. We gave women a sequence by which to follow to
impress men in the workplace by keeping the hand perfectly vertical, thrusting forward and aiming to
meet web to web, the skin between index and thumb. We then gave women some advice to maintain
sexuality without appearing unintelligent, one of which included the heels to neutralize prey, the others
included avoiding the figure four sitting position and the full body steeple. We also found that women
should appear masculine in their attire, yet retain curves, but not cleavage.
Next we covered readiness and attentiveness body language which includes the sprinting positions or
leaning forward to show interest, or by coiling the legs to show eagerness to leave, whereas leaning
back shows either comfort of disinterest. We followed this up with tips to become a leader and saw why
it is important to show better posture, take up more space, hold a serious gaze with eye contact, use
appropriate and tactful touching, avoid too much smiling (especially women), avoid excessive
placation and fight the urge to nod with agreement especially if someone expresses a thought you
disagree with. For those of us who are happy to follow, we provided tips in dealing with the three
different types of bosses, the autocratic, democratic and laissez-faire, then covered ways to impress on
a job interview, and concluded with buy signals; eye contact, moving in, touching the chin and greater
relaxation.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Introduction – Chapter 15
Where we sit at a table or how we arrange our guests can influence the ability to form bonds and share
information. Sometimes arriving to a table early helps, other times we end up at a disadvantage because
those we wish to communicate with most end up sitting in locations that make them less accessible.
Arriving midway through represents the best case scenario, but if you aren’t aware of the propensity to
which people speak to one another, this will give you no advantage at all since you won’t know where
to sit.
The most powerful people will almost always prefer to sit facing the entry because it allows them to see
first hand who is entering and prevents them from sneaking up from behind. Likewise, we find that
sitting on the inside at a restaurant allows us the best vantage because it puts everyone else in front of
us and inhibits interruptions from those passing in isles. In this chapter we will learn that it’s best to
avoid sitting side by side if possible, especially when trying to form a good impression or when trying
to assess someone. Reading people is best done face-to-face but this raises a competitive head to head
arrangement, as we shall see. We will also learn that our reasons for meeting will tell us how we should

sit because, and what affect seating has on the outcome.
In this chapter we will cover seating arrangements and their effect. We will learn that how we sit
indicates our reason for meeting, how rectangular tables and circular tables have trickle down
leadership effects, how square tables can set up cooperation or confrontation, how leaders always
choose to sit at the head of the table or will lose their status to he who does, and how we can change
minds by boxing in our “object” with the right associates. Next we cover how offices should be set up,
how artifacts aren’t just for decoration and how high-chairs aren’t for babies. We then learn about
where to sit in an auditorium to be completely forgotten and where the keeners sit in class.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
How We Know Why We Meet
It should be immediately obvious what the true purpose is for meeting based on the type of seating
provided. A formal setting that is boardroom-like with status icons means that serious business is at
hand, whereas a couch with a coffee table signifies much less urgent matters. When we meet formally,
relationship building is not the aim, more casual meetings build relationships, so we should either plan
or act accordingly. If the boss calls the meeting, we should know what is up before we even get there so
we know what to expect.
Seating arrangements are a big part in how the meeting will transpire. For example, facing one another
means that ideas are divisive and that party’s are probably unwilling to change, or if desired we can
even foster more competition by artificially creating this arrangement. Perhaps not useful under the
average circumstance, but effective non-the-less for lawyers who wish to milk clients dry by stretching
out legal disputes! Sitting at forty-five degrees and on the same side means that ideas are informal and
group minded where cooperation is sought. Smaller tables create more intimacy and group building,
whereas larger tables emphasis more independence and creativity. More of this is covered in the
chapter on seating arrangements. For now let’s focus on possible hidden agendas with respect to how
we sit.
There are three basic reasons for meeting, they are ‘affiliation’ to build group cohesion, ‘achievement’
to get things done, and ‘power’ to emphasis control. Who calls the meeting and who is in charge will
depend on how the meeting will be organized. To go along with the three types of meetings, there are
three types of people in business. They are the ‘affiliator’ the ‘achiever’ and the ‘power player’. The
affiliator is interested in building relationships, they arrive early and make a point of checking in with
everyone and making sure everyone is happy and taken care of. They smile often and make eye contact
frequently. They will set up meetings to foster cooperation and will often stay behind to answer any
questions. The achiever will arrive on time and won’t want to waste a minute. If he talks before the
meeting it will be because it was important and he’ll sit closest the person with the highest rank. They
often show up well prepared with note pad, fact sheets, and so forth. They keep time, don’t stray off
topic and leave as soon as the meeting is over. The final type, the power player is someone that arrive
slightly late, spends most of his time with other leaders, and will try to sit where he can influence the
most people possible. This person will also interrupt others more often, and they will stay right until
everyone has left so as not to miss something, or miss out on important decisions.
Paying attention to who is running the meetings will tell us the goals of the meetings since not
everyone is upfront about their purpose. Each meeting should begin by assessing where they sit, and
why, as well as the types of personalities they have. As leaders, we can also manipulate the strengths of
those around us for our own success. For example, you can use the affiliator initially and at the end to

uild group cohesion, the achiever to direct the middle of the meeting to get things done, and finally
employ the power player to identify any potential pit-falls or struggles within the group.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Early Research Into Seating Arrangements
In a business setting people sitting kitty-corner (D and F) tend to talk 6 times as often as those sitting
opposite (B and C). Those sitting next to each other (C and E) talk about half as often as kitty-corner
but still 3 times as often as sitting on opposite sides of the table. The head position or leader position,
tends to be spoken to the least.
One of the

Boardrooms present an interesting power effect. In this case “A” is the head of the table because he
benefits by seeing who might be entering through the door. “B” is also head of the table, but might be
taken by surprise as the door is at his back. Power trickles down from the head of the table to “C” and
“D” (flaking the head), “E” and “F” (flanking the flanks), and finally “G” and “H” who share the
lowest rank..
earliest research studies was done by American psychologist Robert Sommer of the University of
California in the 1950’s. He examined the effects of extensive renovations done to an old age home.
The ward received new colourful paint, new lighting was installed, new chairs brought in and several
small rooms were converted into one large day room. The furniture was also re-arranged to make
conversations more likely amongst the patients by creating more face-to-face encounters. This
rearrangement was based on what he observed daily in the hallways just outside the ward. Here, every
morning the chairs were placed into straight rows, shoulder to shoulder, against the wall to make
mopping easier. But if you entered sometime later in the day, you’d find them re-arranged into groups.
It was the patient’s family members who moved the chairs to speak with the patients, rather than what
the patient actually preferred themselves. From this observation and the fact that any changes in the

ward were met with resistance it was obvious that the patients would resist the ward remodel. In fact, it
was common knowledge around the home that every piece of furniture and chair “had its place.” A lot
of which had been there, regardless of any logical or functional reason. The conclusions drawn from
the study were less than positive likely because the study involved mentally handicapped patients. In
fact, it was concluded that modification of furniture arrangements was not enough in and of itself to
adequately increasing social interactions. However, drawing on his initial observations from the
hallway, where regular visitors rearranged furniture, Dr. Sommer felt he was onto something important.
His future studies examined visitors interacting in a hospital cafeteria, students in classrooms, children
in public, and a myriad of other social situations. He found that when conversing over a rectangular
table, patterns began to emerge as a function of the shape and proximity speakers had to one another. In
all arrangements it is the nature of the meeting which dictated the spatial “ecology”, he concluded. He
learned that eye contact and distance are the two fundamental concepts governing how we sit, which in
turn affects our ability to exchange information, speak effectively, or even draw lines of division. The
next few paragraphs covers the ecology of round, and rectangular seating arrangements with respect to
reasons for meeting, be it a casual meeting with friends, cooperative sharing of information,
independent working or leadership purposes.

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Casual Corner Position
The “casual corner” seating arrangement is best in business as it the table provides are partial barrier,
yet does not prevent people from interacting together effectively.
The casual corner position is most appropriate to preserve closeness between people, but at the same
time offers a partial barrier. The barrier in this case, is the corner of the table. If chairs are directly
facing the table, it avoids direct eye contact, but if preferred, the chairs can face one another across the
corner of the table to make sharing of information easier. This seating position is unique because it
neatly allows for independent thought, but the proximity still permits intimacy.
When presenting new information to a client or trying to “sell them”, this is the most preferred
orientation. It is also a useful way to conduct an interview without coming off as aggressive or
competitive. In studies when students were asked to choose a seating arrangement that permitted

conversation, this was the most often chosen arrangement.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Cooperative Side-By-Side Position
Chairs on the same side of the table is the “cooperative” seating arrangement as no barrier is present
between the participants. It is the most open way of interacting.
The cooperative position contrasts the casual corner position with a side-by-side orientation on the
same side of the table rather than kitty-corner or cross-corner. There are two possible arrangements for
the side-by-side and the variants determine the level of connectivity and interaction between two
people. When the chairs are facing forward, or toward the table, it slightly inhibits eye contact
decreasing the level of sharing. This orientation shows that there is some cooperation but that it’s not
complete. When chairs are facing forward in this manner, it is usually because it is assumed that people

are already a part of your team and the two of you are facing off against another party.
A second orientation happens when collaborating on a project. Here, the chairs will (and should) be
turned at forty-five degrees toward each other. This arrangement represents intimacy since there is no
barrier to interfere with the sharing of information. Working on a common goal, a project or
presentation are a few examples of when it’s best to use this arrangement. Intimate couples will also
choose this position at restaurants except where moving the chairs about is not permitted. Other couples
fail to see this and instead choose competitive arrangements as if they are on job interviews, or are
facing off against each other in twenty questions!
There are times when sitting on the same side of the table can appear too intimate, as if invading
someone else’s space. One can begin by taking up positions across the table and then finding an excuse
to pass documents across it. After some time, moving to the other side of the table and sitting down to
clarify the information provides enough of a reason to bridge the gap between people and being
fostering intimacy.

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Independent And Opposite Position
When people sit to do work but do not want to talk to each other, they will sit in the “independent and
opposite” seating arrangement. We see this with strangers in a limited seating cafeteria or in a library
when strangers share tables.
When the object is to show independence, than an opposite, yet diagonal seating position is
recommended. We see this most often in cafeteria style arrangements when sitting by oneself isn’t
possible and tables are filled with strangers but we still want the most amount of privacy possible.
Students will choose this arrangement when studying separately in a library as it permits independent
thought and separation avoids any direct eye contact should either party need a break from their work.
When subjects were asked to sit and do work quietly in one study this was the most common seating
arrangement. Usually the space between the parties will be evenly split and be occupied by handbags,

ooks, papers and other belongings to reserve them from being taken up. Obviously this position
should be avoided when cooperation and affiliation formation is has the reverse effect. The independent
and opposite position when it is not expected creates hostility and shows indifference.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Competitive Head-To-Head Position
When people face-off against one another, they tend to sit head-on across the table.
Legal television dramas popularize this head-to-head seating position. Here each party faces directly
across from the other person usually with their allies to their left and right solidifying their flanks.
Another words for this position is the “closed” seating arrangement because it isolates people with the
use of the desk. In the “open” arrangement a desk is pushed up against a wall and presents no barrier to
visitors since they can access every part of a person when meeting with them. Closed positions convey

formality, distance and authority, defensiveness and even divisiveness whereas open orientations
convey interest and comfort.
Even when competition isn’t directly encouraged, research finds that the closed position still becomes
an issue because the table provides a clear boundary between each party. Despite this, studies show that
it is a very common way to sit in for casual conversations and at restaurants. The reason expressed is
because it easily permits the exchange of information, affords good eye contact by filling the other
persons view, and turns each person into the centre of attention. Thus, while it can be a constructive
casual position amongst friends and family, it doesn’t serve well with new associates or where there is a
desire to break down existing boundaries.
Interestingly when larger groups meet in the competitive arrangement with many people facing one
another across a rectangular table, it is most often the person to the front of the speaker directly across
the table that talks next, and rarely the person to their side. This has been termed the “Steinzor effect”
and was named after the researcher Dr. Bernard Steinzor in 1950 who first discovered the occurrence.
The head-to-head position creates discourse and necessitates the person at their face to respond, moreso
than any other at the table. This only adds to the negative data that stem from head-to-head orientations
and why we should avoid it when we wish to accomplish something other than fight.
Research conducted in the mid 1970’s by psychologist Richard Zweigenhaft of Guildord College in
North Carolina found that faculty that used their office desks as a barrier by placing it in between them
and their students were rated less positively in general and where rated especially poorly as it related to
student interaction. The study found that faculty that did this were also older and had a greater
academic rank. Thus, it was likely their subconscious tendency was to protect and maintain their rank
between themselves and their students. Therefore, when meeting with new clients or where competition
is likely but undesirable, avoid sitting in the head-to-head position if possible and remove whatever
barriers separate you and whomever it is you wish to build a relationship with. However, if the desire is
to reprimand an employee or anyone else and the goal to set clear boundaries, the table-in-betweenposition
can emphasis division, thereby enhancing the message further. It will be up to you to decide
exactly what orientation will suite you best and this will be wholly dependant on the goal you wish to
attain while meeting.

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Square Tables
In a square table seating arrangement, each person is in a competitive (head-to-head) position and a
cooperative (kitty-corner) position. This can present an interesting situation.
Square tables present an interesting situation. If we draw on what we know about rectangular tables we
know that people who sit face-to-face are in a competitive position and those to our rights and lefts are
in cooperative positions. Thus, everyone is equally competing and cooperating with someone at the
table completely leveling the playing field. Square tables are great for quick meetings because of this
dichotomy.
Bridge is an interesting game played on a square table. In the game there are four players in two fixed
partnerships. The partners sit facing each other. It is the tradition to name the players according to their
position at the table. They are called North, East, South and West. North and South are partners playing

against East and West. In this card game, partners are not allowed to convey information to each other
by talking, gestures or facial expression. The intent of the game is to exchange information by the
choice of bids or cards played, but how well does this bode with the information we know about
seating arrangements? The game has done well to prevent partners sitting next to each other preventing
close quarter exchanges that might go unnoticed. However, it does allow partners to face each other
head-on exposing their full fronts to each other and also prevents opponents from gaining the same
view. While partners aren’t permitted to use any language whatsoever to exchange cues, being students
of body language and aware of it’s proficient and pervasiveness might expect something different from
the game whether or not it’s ever detected. Naturally, you’ll draw your own conclusions!

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Square Tables
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
In a square table seating arrangement, each person is in a competitive (head-to-head) position and a
cooperative (kitty-corner) position. This can present an interesting situation.
Square tables present an interesting situation. If we draw on what we know about rectangular tables we
know that people who sit face-to-face are in a competitive position and those to our rights and lefts are
in cooperative positions. Thus, everyone is equally competing and cooperating with someone at the
table completely leveling the playing field. Square tables are great for quick meetings because of this
dichotomy.

Bridge is an interesting game played on a square table. In the game there are four players in two fixed
partnerships. The partners sit facing each other. It is the tradition to name the players according to their
position at the table. They are called North, East, South and West. North and South are partners playing
against East and West. In this card game, partners are not allowed to convey information to each other
by talking, gestures or facial expression. The intent of the game is to exchange information by the
choice of bids or cards played, but how well does this bode with the information we know about
seating arrangements? The game has done well to prevent partners sitting next to each other preventing
close quarter exchanges that might go unnoticed. However, it does allow partners to face each other
head-on exposing their full fronts to each other and also prevents opponents from gaining the same
view. While partners aren’t permitted to use any language whatsoever to exchange cues, being students
of body language and aware of it’s proficient and pervasiveness might expect something different from
the game whether or not it’s ever detected. Naturally, you’ll draw your own conclusions!

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Circular Seating Positions
At a circular table each person shares power making collaboration easier.
When no leader is

When a known leader is seated at a circular table, power trickles down as the relative distance
increases. In this case #1 has the most power followed by #2, #3, #4 and finally the person who sits
opposite. The person opposite finds himself in a unique situation of having to face the leader head-on!
present, round tables can be used to create informal settings unlike rectangular tables that are used to
conduct work or to reprimand employees. In offices, round tables are usually a place to relax and
converse or to drink coffee. Smart offices will use these areas to build alliances with potential clients,
especially timid ones, break down barriers, and create rapport. Round tables can reduce pressure and
build trust. Round tables also offers neat divisions or ‘pie shapes’ where each person receives the same
amount of space or “territory” that collect into a common center. Square tables on the other hand, have
territories that lack clear boundaries which can present their own power struggle.
King Arthur attempted to equalize authority and status amongst his knights with the “round table.” He
felt that without creating a head of table, his peers would see themselves as more equal preventing
quarrels. Previous to the round table, a medieval king usually sat at one end of the table, with the court
jester facing him at the other end. The knights were seated at the two sides with the most important
among them seated closer to the king. What King Arthur failed to realize with his round table, however,

was the trickle down effect where those sitting to his immediate left and right held the next level of
power due to their proximity to him. As one was more removed from the King, their level of status
diminished likewise until finally reaching the furthest party. Unfortunate for this person, he faced the
King directly putting him in a competitive arrangement! Ironically, and counter to his initial
assumption, the round table can still present difficulties in creating positive outcomes especially where
a definitive leader is present.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Positions In Circular Tables
At a circular table each person shares power making collaboration easier.
The same types of relationships arise with round tables as they did with rectangular tables. When
people wish to cooperate, they sit side-by-side, when they wish to be independent they keep one space

open between each party, and when they wish to compete, they site at opposite sides. When it is
desirable to maintain flow between three people equally, it is best to use a triangular sitting position at a
round table which encourages discussion amongst all members equally. This allows eye contact
between all members and discourages creation of rank and power.

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Other Complex Seating Arrangements
See text for explanation.
It is possible to create a highly influential seating arrangement when we wish to influence a particularly
important, but as yet undecided individual. The first person or the main presenter (Pr) should sit headon
with the “object” in the face-to-face competitive position (Ob). This competitive position aligns the
“object” with the person he most expects to object with. Next, we add an affiliate (Af) to the objects
left or right, that is, at the casual corner position to act as a friend, or to their side in the cooperative
position (Co). The subconscious effect can be powerful if the positions are matched with the outlooks
they should hold. That is, the cooperative position should play the advocate against the competitive
position in cooperation with the object, except (of course) showing a bias towards agreement with the
competitive position.

The affiliate can also “bait” the competitive position and control the conversation by giving up relevant
points without sounding pushy. This person can demonstrate ‘the other side of the coin’ and work
through the dialogue saving the object from having to voice negative positions himself. This saves him
from going through counterproductive mental reasoning that can prove a damaging exercise. Powerful
negotiators can use the affiliate to blow the argument out of proportion thereby forcing the object to
side with the competitor and bridge the original argument. Obviously this isn’t a simple strategy and
requires some advanced preparation, but when it is an important matter it is justified, not to mention
fun!
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
How To Set Up Your Office
The desk is the most important piece of furniture and it’s found in all offices. The area behind the desk
always forms the private area where only the desk owner is permitted. This is his sanctuary which he
protects. Those with desks facing in toward an open space with their backs to a wall have the most
amount of status. Having your back against the wall protects you from a theoretical sneak attack or
from having others watch you as you work. Low ranking workers will usually work in areas that afford
them little privacy and hence be found in wide open areas [click images to enlarge - not all data is
visible].
The area behind the desk is considered private. Facing the door with the back to the wall is the most
powerful position as it permits seeing people enter.
Low ranking employees are forced to face the wall so the boss can watch them work without being
noticed himself.

A low rank desk arrangement because it leaves the employees back exposed to whomever is entering
through the door.
An extremely low status desk arrangement because it would be impossible to guard against someone
entering through the door.
This arrangement is meant to maximize the amount of private space claimed by the owner. Any area
from the edge of the door across the front of the desk to the bookcase and behind are claimed as
reserved for the owner’s needs.

Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Some Ways To Set Up An Office
Low ranking employees are forced to face the wall so the boss can watch them work without being
noticed himself.
Another method to protect and reserve space is to pull a desk away from a wall as it cuts other people
off from using that space. Outward facing desks leave plenty of space in a room where someone might
sneak up from behind or from the side. Higher status workers will turn their desks so they facing
doorways or entryways to avoid surprise intrusions. This simplest ways to perform a status check is to
verify the way in which people face. If they face a wall there is a good chance they are lower status, but
if they face the door and can easily see people enter their office, then they are likely higher status. The
orientation of the window and door also has an effect on how things are set up and depending on the
uneasiness of a particular person will depend on which orientation they prefer. Usually there is a

alance between looking out the window to enjoy the view it provides and monitoring the door. The
highest ranking workers will have private offices with controlled entry, or in other words a secretary.
A busy office provides multiple meeting and collaborative areas.
It is important to put some thought into how desks are used since they can dictate how a meeting might
unfold. A desk between two forward facing people forms a barrier which then leads into a formal
meeting even when it’s not intended. If the goal is to create less confrontation and foster team building,
than meetings should take place without a desk, or with circular or even square tables. Space
permitting, circular tables should be included in the office environment to permit informal meetings if
desired. Having room for more than one meeting area sends a powerful nonverbal message to those
visiting since it shows that your occupation warrants it, even if they are only rarely used.
Placing chairs kitty-corner at a rectangular desk or positioning two chairs at forty-five degrees to the
table on the same side can be effective if the goal is to hold cooperative meetings. Every office should
be set-up in a manner that suits its main purpose, however, contingencies should be made for rare
occasions when alternative strategies need to be implemented. If the idea is to quickly build friendships

ather than demonstrate authority, it would be wise to have a more informal setting, perhaps even a
comfortable sofa and coffee table with casual furnishings. It is no accident when a high powered lawyer
organizes rows upon rows of legal books to his back. His message is clear; I have the knowledge to
back me. What non verbal message does your office convey?
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Office Artifacts – The Other Nonverbal
Messages
We often take for granted our office layout which is understandable, but another nonverbal channel also
exists, and that is the artifacts it contains. While we might not personally pay particular attention to
these objects, visitors will use the information to make decisions about your personality and traits.
Diplomas, certificates and awards on walls all provide clues to the office owner. Excessive accolades
spells out to others an outward looking individual seeking to dominant and dazzle others by their
achievements (usually attributed to them by the opinions of others). Pay particular attention to awards
that might be less than prestigious as this might mean they are poorly accomplished, but trying to play
it up. Usually someone that is more subtle will only hold their highest award rather than all awards
leading up to it. For example, I know of one particular aesthetician who has ten neatly framed awards
on her salon walls for miniscule achievements during her one year study. In this sense, small accolades
detract from a persons perceived status and shows insecurity instead.
Tidiness is another factor. A cluttered office shows busyness and importance, but only up to a certain
limit. When hygiene becomes a factor, it’s time to clean up! An overly tidy office can show obsessive
tendencies negating any positive feelings. Thus, a mixture of clutter and tidiness is likely best as it
conveys busyness and importance but avoids the negative feelings of an overly sanitized office. Also
consider richness of furnishings such as desks and chairs, the view (or having windows at all), the size
and location, the type and level of lighting, degree of privacy, having plants and so forth. What research
that does exist on lighting shows that brightness has a more positive affect on friendliness than does
more subdued lighting. Also consider the ability or lack of ability to personalize a particular space.
Lower ranking workers are often not permitted this luxury.
Personal items, like family or pet photographs shows a strong family orientation whereas artwork can
provide clues to interests. For example, fishing or nature photographs for people interested in the
outdoors and adventure, city backdrops to someone with a metropolitan interest, or beaches for those
interested in leisure. Paying particular attention to these variations can provide clues to someone’s
interests, and when building rapport quickly is required, it can spell the difference between success and
failure.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
The Power Of Chairs
When my brother comes over to visit he likes to play chair games with me since he’s aware, through
my research, of the power plays afforded by such a seemingly innocuous objects. He often chooses the
head of the table or the most desirable position on the sofa, and if possible, will secure the tallest chair.

He’s already a bit taller than me and he knows that while seated he looses his advantage making it even
more important to claim the higher chair lest he lose his height advantage. My computer chair allows
one to raise and lower it, so as fast as it can be adjusted it’s at its peek, allowing him to look down on
me. These games are all in good fun of course, as we both understand the implications. However, while
we play these games in fun, others might not, they may use them to intimidate or gain power over you
and if you are interested, you over them.
To level the playing field it is important to limit the presence of chairs that can be raised or lowered just
in case you don’t arrive early enough to gain access to them. Chairs that swivel also hold more power
because they can face in infinite directions. The most punishing chairs, which are used by interrogators
are those that are fixed to the floor, usually placed in the center of a room away from any shelter. When
the idea is to gain quick authority, job interviewers can also employ this tactic. Because you can’t
swivel, you must adjust your entire body position to orient yourself toward anything of interest. Should
someone enter the room, you’ll either be forced to keep your back to them or will have to lean to one
side to look. Regardless, you are at a disadvantage. Chairs that also give more power are those with
higher backs. Kings and queens sit in tall chairs because they understood the powers it gave them. The
peasants were lucky to get a chair at all, and a stool is was plenty for the layman. Think about what
types of chairs are present at fast food places and their effect on us. Usually they will be rock hard and
prevent us getting comfortable by leaning back with their metal backs designed specifically to reduce
our stay. What effect would this type of seating have on a competitor in business or an in-law we
wished to enjoy only a brief visit?
To disarm or punish people, use soft seating such as a sofa that when pressure is added practically
envelopes your opponent. This reduces their ability to use gestures in communication and to move
about the room because getting up from a sunken position is more difficult than an upright on. Also
make sure this chair is lower than normal helping you establish dominance, and if it has arms, even
better, as this too will limit their movement.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
How To Be Forgotten – The “Center-Stage
Effect”
In a study conducted by the University of California Berkeley in 2006 that examined seating position, it
was found that when seated in the middle of lecture halls, those in the middle tended to be overlooked.
This would seem counterintuitive, but was replicated several times and in several different ways.
This “center-stage” effect was shown through observation of the game show “The Weakest Link” since
they tended to be ignored more often than outlier players. If you aren’t familiar with the game, it
involved a series of questions across several competitors but with only one winner. Each contestant is
to answer a question in sequence associated with an ever increasing sum of money until the money is
“banked” or kept, at which point the value amount is reset, but the round continues. At the end of each
round the contestants vote on whom they’d like to eliminate. In the observations by the researchers,
they found that despite the contestants being randomly assigned more winners came from the center of
the stage rather than outliers. The center was often ignored as a pool from which people were “voted
off.” This seems counterintuitive to most, as our common sense would tell us that the outliers should be
less subject to attention.
When the experiment brought the game to the lab, the researchers found that observers often

overlooked errors that players in the center of the stage made to a greater extent than errors in extreme
positions. This gave center position holders more favourable assessments. It therefore follows that if
you are not particularly adept at a task you might want to take center stage so as to reap the inherent
leadership traits and avoid taking on negative stigma especially if being called upon is strong, and there
is a good likelihood of providing the wrong answer. If you want to stand out and be remembered for it,
take an outlier position where you will be called upon and stand a better chance of being remembered
for it.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Who In The Audience Is The Most Keen?
Research by Robert Sommer in the late 1960’s showed how attention and participation was neatly tied
to seating positions. This was especially true for very large audiences where it’s possible to have an
uneven distribution of connectivity with the speaker. His research examined classroom ecology and
revealed that students sitting in the front rows participated much more than those in the back rows and
those in the middle, the most.
Front and center had the highest rate of participation whereas the rear left and rear right the least. One
can picture a reverse arrangement with the largest percentage of participators at the “mouth” of the
funnel nearest the speaker and the “end” of the funnel at the back with the fewest participators. As one
travels back in the seats, those at the sides progressively get left out. Those at the back edges can more
easily ‘escape’ and find refuge from the speaker.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Deciphering Cause And Effect From Seating
Position
So which is it cause or effect? What happens when you assign seating versus allow people to choose
their seating? A study by Douglas Levine of the University of California in 1980 sought out to measure
this exact question. The study examined two phases, one where students were allowed to choose their
own seating and the second where seating was randomly assigned. They found that students sitting at
the front did much better than those sitting at the rear but only if the seats were chosen by the students.
When the seating was assigned there was no discernible different in test scores. They did find that
student involvement was affected by seating however, as in both cases participation was greater for
those sitting in the front seats. Thus, it becomes evident that students who want to learn more choose
seats in the front rows because it allows them a better view of the teacher and also allows them to
participate more. Those that want to blend in and avoid participation sit at the rear and sides. Other
studies show that keener students often choose seats in the front and also those that relate better to the
instructor will orient themselves in relation to them.
In another study conducted in 2004 arranged seating was found to affect test scores contrary to the
study presented above. Here economics professors Mary Benedict and John Hoag at Bowling Green
State University found that students who were forced forward produced a net gain in test scores. For
example, a student who preferred a back seat but was forced to a center row, reduced the probability of

eceiving a D or F from twenty-three to twelve percent for an overall gain of eleven percent. The study
also suggests a lower probability of receiving an A and a higher probability for receiving a D or F for
those students forced from the middle aisle seats to the side aisle seats.
Therefore, when presenting information organized seating can have a subtle effect, but can be
somewhat limited in scope. If you wish to wow someone in particular, position them in the front as
you’ll be better able to connect with them. Those parties you wish to mute can be placed at the backsides
to reduce their ability to speak out. The data from research seems to suggest that audiences
naturally arrange themselves according to how interested they are to learn especially in theater style
auditoriums. Thus, this information can be used passively to choose the most qualified or interested
parties for important projects.
Other strategies come from the walk and talk method taken from lab style learning. Here, the instructor
is permitted to travel through rows and isle and connect with more than just the front row of listeners
eliminating the side effects of rows and columns. Orienting seating into a horseshoe also eliminates the
effects that rows and columns hold and so too does smaller group sizes. It’s much more difficult to be
forgotten in a small group and functionally impossible when speaking one on one!
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Summary – Chapter 15
Seating arrangements is one of the things we infrequently draw to conscious attention but at some level
always understand its importance. In this chapter we looked at what seems on the outset to be a
complicated matter, but in reality is fairly straight forward and like all body language, once it is know,
common sense. We found that seating positions can indicate our reason for meeting, be it ‘affiliation’ –
to build group cohesion, ‘achievement’ – to get things done, or ‘power’ – to emphasis control. We
found that the meeting organizer typically dictates how meetings will transpire.
We learned that Sommer first began researching seating ecology and that patterns emerged based on the
shape of the table and the proximity speakers had to one-another. We found that a casual corner
position where speakers meet across the corners of a rectangular or square table preserve closeness
between people, but still offers the security of a partial barrier. We found that when seated side-by-side
cooperation is fostered, when facing across from one-another but not head-on, independent though is
fostered, and when facing directly, competition. We found that leadership studies show us what we
intuitively already know, that leaders take up the head position, that those at his or her flank receive
trickle down leadership and that when seating is pre-determined, leadership is assigned to the head of
the table. We found that square tables includes both competitive and cooperative seating positions, that
circular tables had similar affects despite what King Arthur thought, and that strategically we can sway
our “object” by taking up competitive and affiliative positions.
Next we looking at how to set up an office and found that desk placement and office artifacts are
crucial and that chairs can make people uncomfortable or powerful depending on their height and
location. We then looked at seating arrangements in larger auditoriums and saw that the center of
lecture halls tended to be overlooked, and also how to use this to our advantage, and finally we
concluded the chapter by pointing out that seating location affects participation; those in front
participating most, but that it did not related to test scores.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Introduction – Chapter 16
He does not answer questions, or gives evasive answers; he speaks nonsense, rubs the
great toe along the ground; and shivers; his face is discolored; he rubs the roots of his
hair with his fingers.
—Description of a liar, 900 B.C.

Touching the nose has long been use as a ‘tell’ when detecting lies. However, is lying just that easy to
spot?
I’ve been putting off writing this chapter for some time and not for reasons of laziness. In fact, I have
research the topic to death. The problem with lying related body language is that it’s not where it needs
to be in order to be useful to the vast majority of people. What research on lie detection, and there is
plenty, tells us, is that there is no definitive traits that give up all liars. Most of the cues are either
anecdotal or happen some of the time, but not all of the time. Other studies tell us that so called experts,

that is, police officers, interrogators, customs inspectors, federal law enforcement, federal polygraphers,
robbery investigators, judges, parole officers and psychiatrists fair only at slightly above the fifty
percent success rate. In fact, the average is somewhere around thirty-seven to seventy percent. It
doesn’t take a mathematician to realize that someone flipping a coin is just as skilled at coming up with
the correct answers as any one of the ‘experts’. Other research tells us that higher order interrogators
aren’t able to pass on their intuitive abilities to others, telling us that they can’t quantify their
observations. If they can’t pass it on to laypersons, than it’s of no practical purpose for me to pass it on
either. Other times programs specifically designed and sold to improve detection of deception have
failed miserably and have even lead to the detriment, rather than improvement of performance.
Several cues have been attributed to detecting lies. They generally fit into two broad classes. The first is
nonverbal visual cues such as facial expressions, eye blinking, eye contact or gaze aversion, head
movements, pupil dilation, nodding, smiling, hand movements or gestures, foot and leg movements and
postural shifts. The second includes paraverbal cues including pitch, pauses, or speech errors. We will
get into these cues in the following pages.
There are other ways that scientists use to detect lies and these involve machines. The most common is
the polygraph or lie detector machine. The polygraph relies on changes in heart rate, blood pressure and
increases in perspiration or respiration. However, these cues are of practically no use to us because they
are difficult, although not impossible to see. For example, an increase in heart rate can be seen if one
looks closely at the carotid artery that runs along the neck, and an increase in sweating does become
apparent with an increase in scratching of the palms. Further to this, the polygraph has a poor track
record and most experts agree that they have severe limitations and their accuracy is known to be
inconsistent. As well will see, one facet of lie detection involves the reading of nervousness, but
practiced pathological liars are skilled at eliminating nervousness, some even thrive on it thereby
reducing the propensity of visible and invisible cues.
Notwithstanding the myriad of hard fast research on lie detection, it is still a widespread belief in the
population that nonverbal behaviours betray a liar. Worldwide, cross-cultural comparison has shown a
universally held belief that liars are spotted through their bodies. Police training packages will often
include nonverbal and paraverbal behaviours as part of the ways in which deception can be detected. A
study by Lucy Akehurst of the University of Portsmouth found that when asked which behaviours they
thought would be consistent with lying, both police officers and regular lay people agreed. There was
no difference between what the experts thought betrayed a liar and what regular people thought. They
also agreed that these behavioural changes would occur more frequently in others as they lied, than in
themselves. This finding is replicated in other studies as well. For example, police officers and students
agreed on which behaviours were consistent with lying and they also thought that they themselves
would display these cues less during lying. The research therefore is inconsistent with the nature of
lying. It can not happen both ways, and it seems that our attitudes about lying and lie detection are
skewed.
Judgments of deception are heavily correlated with long held stereotypes. Person’s that display
behaviours associated with lying are often judged as deceptive even though they may be telling the
truth. Study after study shows that roughly only fifty percent of the time liars give themselves away, the
remaining time, liars are passed off as truth tellers and truth tellers as liars. Pegging liars based on body
language alone or some other mystical cue is a dangerous assumption. It can lead to marital break-ups
such as if a spouse falsely labels her husband as a cheater, can put innocent people in jail, can lead to
the firing of employees on suspicion of theft and so forth. Yet with this huge propensity for error and
consequence, we still, by in large, believe that we can read people on this trait. What shouldn’t surprise
us are the rewards achievable through lying and cheating. Lying can avoid punishment, save us from
hardships, but perhaps more importantly can help protect those around us and their feelings. The

question “Does this dress make me look fat?” does not necessitate an honest answer, and in so doing,
everyone is much happier!
Teachers, principles, lay persons and even intellectuals have been shown to all think similarly in terms
of lie detection, and the body language associated (even if incorrect). Thus to avoid being detected, or
mislabeled a liar (which is worse), we should still avoid displaying stereotypical lying body language
that will serve to give us away. At this point, you should understand my reasoning for presenting this
chapter even if only to slightly help us catch liars. While lying body language may be of some help in
catching a liar, it will help avoid making us appear as though we are lying in the eyes of those around
us. As the studies on beliefs about deception have indicated, there seems to be worldwide agreement on
what constitute cues to deception in others. Therefore, it is these behaviours one should avoid so as not
to appear dishonest. I will add too, that lie detection is not impossible, certain individuals do fair better
than chance alone when detecting lies. However it is with caution that I present this chapter because as
of yet, it is difficult to pin down exactly which cues are used and which cues happen across all people.
Some cues mean deception some of the time, while other times they are simply related to emotional
arousal and stress which can be due to being portrayed inaccurately as a liar, or in response to the
punishment that might be forthcoming. Sometimes it is the worry about being “under the gun” that
causes the stress and therefore the behaviour, and not because of any concern about the telling of a lie.
While this chapter provides cues to emotionality related to lying, it will be up to the reader of the
language to determine the source, be it actual lying or emotions related to being caught.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Why We Lie
Research by Bella DePaulo of the University of Virgina and Deborah Kashy of Texas A & M
University in 1998 found that on average people tell one or two lies daily. The research tells us that
people lie most often about their feelings, preferences, attitudes and opinions and lie less frequently
about their actions, plans and whereabouts presumably because it would be fairly easy to detect these
lies. Lies are also told about achievements and failures. Material gain, personal convenience or
escaping punishment are all fodder for lies but most often, lies are used to gain psychological currency
such as to appear more sophisticated or virtuous. It seems that we take self-presentation, that is, the
way we are perceived seriously. Lying permits us to convey certain roles and personal qualities to
others as we see fit. It’s important to realize the main reasons for lying so that we can be skeptical at the
right moments. It is difficult and perhaps even detrimental to constantly be suspicious of lying. In fact,
letting lies pass detection is often the best thing to do since not all lies are of significance, in fact, most
are not. This strategy doesn’t require you to believe someone’s lies, but it does requiring the ignoring of
certain lies, especially the unimportant ones.
The upside to lying is to protect others from disapproval, to reduce disagreements or to prevent hurting
the feelings of others. Lying is therefore a skill to manage our impressions in light of others. Politicians
present an example we know all to well, as they posture from all sides of every issue to gain the most
support. Another feature of lies is that they often occur from omission where we remove or withhold
information so as to mislead. Incidentally these are the easiest to get away with. When asked about the
effect of lies, most agreed that lying produced little regret and that the lies where of little consequence.
Most reported that they felt bad immediately after telling a lie though, but did not take much time
planning lies or thinking about the consequences. Lying has a dark side too, and these are to hide
actions that would otherwise lead to punishment which can be from cheating to deep betrayals of
intimacy and trust.

In closing off this general introduction, I would like to emphasis that by no means is lie detection easy
or straightforward and any source that tells you it is, is misleading you. Lying is not universally
stressful, guilt-inducing or even complicated. Some lies are simple and the motivation for lying varies
greatly. It is my contention which is supported by the literature on deception, that lying is used
routinely, and competently executed yields only faint clues through body language. Researchers who
favour my view say that ordinary people are so practiced and proficient and unaffected by lies, that
they could be regarded as professionals. Lying is so pervasive that over time (evolution), those who
were best able to fool others tended to be most successful and produced more of this trait. Therefore,
only weak ties exist between verbal and nonverbal tells with regards to lies, with the most blatant and
obvious signals eliminated quickly through our development and our evolutionary history.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
The Nine Reasons We Lie (outlined by Paul
Ekman)
The Nine Reasons We Lie (outlined by Paul Ekman)
1. To avoid punishment. This is the most frequently mentioned motive and is used to cover up a
deliberate or accidental misdeed.
2. To gain access to a reward not otherwise readily obtainable.
3. To protect another person from being punished.
4. To protect oneself from the threat of physical harm. This is unlike lying to avoid punishment as the
threat does not come from a misdeed. Ekman presents the example of a child who lies about his parents
being home to avoid having an intruder prey on them.
5. To win the admiration of others.
6. To avoid awkward social situations i.e. lying to avoid a boring party, or saying you are busy so you
don’t have to talk on the phone.
7. To avoid embarrassment i.e. telling others that you spilled water on your pants, when in reality it was
the result of a bathroom ‘accident’.
8. To maintain privacy. Lying to avoid revealing personal matters.
9. To gain power over others, by controlling the information they have, or think is correct.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Deception Causes Arousal, Generally
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

While he COULD be lying, it’s much more likely that he’s actually anxious. We instinctively (and
wrongfully) link anxiety with lying, when in fact good liars often feel no anxiety whatsoever when they
lie, and honest people feel anxiety when they think they will be disbelieved.
It is a widely held belief that emotional arousal and stress, is strongly tied with lying. It is also at the
heart of the polygraph or lie detector. Here, autonomic responses which happen in our bodies without
our conscious control such as sweating or ‘skin conductivity’ is measured as well as increases in heart
rate and breathing. It is assumed that when lies occur, stress related behaviours increase. Lie detector
machines measure a baseline, that is, they take readings when lying is known to occur and compare it to
readings when lying is thought to occur. By reading the differences, lying should become obvious.
We can use similar methods to read arousal without the help of the polygraph. Watching for an increase
in adaptors, shifting, subtle movements, touching or scratching the face, neck or nose can show us that
someone is uncomfortable. What it won’t show us is the reason for the discomfort. By grilling someone
for the truth, this is often enough to cause someone to feel stress thereby creating the behaviour instead
of uncovering it. Other clues to an increase in stress includes an increase in eye blinking, changes in
posture, avoiding eye contact and foot and leg movement. It is important to always put fear of lying and
arousal into context. Someone with little fear, little to gain or loose, or in other words, ‘when the stakes
are low’ wont show any of these signals. Aside from this lack of tell, it is important to realize that body
language cues, especially lying language is not a result directly of lying, but rather an indication of the
stress, fear and anxiety that may or may not be present when lying.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Duping Delight, Eye Contact And Smiling
Unlike this fella, good liars often appear very charismatic and this trait helps carry them through their
lies.
Paul Ekman coined the term “duping delight” to explain possible reasons for an increase in certain cues

while lying was taking place. For example, fear and guilt associated with lying should decrease
nonverbal cues such as eye contact and smiles, but the research shows us that eye contact usually
increases during lying. Ironically, it is the reverse that is commonly thought of by the general public to
be true. That is, most people think that eye contact decreases during lying. Two possible explanations
exist for an increase in eye contact and smiling. One is that smiling happens more often because the liar
is experiencing pleasure with the act of lying which has been extensively proven through research on
psychopaths, con-men and pathological liars, the second says that a smile is in fact due to stress and
embarrassment which causes a stress smile. An increase in eye contact is also explained in terms of a
desire to measure the efficacy of the lie. The liar holds eye contact to watch for signals of disbelief in
his counterpart to allow him to calibrate his tactics accordingly. So by this reason, the liar holds eye
contact more than truth tellers in order to gauge how well his lie is being pulled over on his victim and
to revel in joy as his ploy washes over his victim.
Duping delight means that nearly any signal can be used during a lie to convey honesty, and the greater
the pleasure felt by the liar, the more relaxed and honest they will appear. The converse can happen too,
the duper can appear more excited and happy throwing a wrench in this signal as universal amongst
liars. Signals of duping delight can include higher voice pitch, faster and louder speech, increases in
nodding and smiles, and use of more illustrators. Also, the more a lie is being perceived as true, the
stronger these signals will be since the excitement of the liar increases in tow. Thus, just because some
signals are present, does not necessarily mean that at lie is either present or absent. Although the willful
modification of our natural traits often make us appear more or less sincere. For example, a perpetual
feigning of friendliness comes across as phony. Incidentally, things like voice pitch, which can be
difficult to control amongst all other factors when lying, might go unusually high through anxiousness
when the true intent was to appear enthusiastic. It is the difference between a normal interaction and
one that is unusually energetic that gives the dupers away.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Lying Is Hard Work?
Is she constructing a lie or trying to recall the facts?
Some researchers argue that deceptive messages requires more mental processing because one needs to

create facts instead of simply recalling and describing them. In truth tellers emotion flows effortlessly,
but those who are faking it, have to foster theirs and while liars are playing a role, truth tellers are just
living. With an increase in pressure, such as one might experience during cross-examination in law
proceedings, liars might be faced with an unexpected question catching them off guard. Pathological
liars are constantly having to mentally catalog their lies and then entwine them with lies told previously
which is confusing. This makes liars who are caught off guard more likely to delay responding and
increase pauses as they attempt to create information while simultaneously comparing it to information
otherwise presented. They must also compare information to possible information already known to the
listener. It has been said that for every one lie originated, two to three other lies must be created to back
it up. This can become mentally taxing and is a process not required of truth tellers. While pauses in
speech are not definitive cues to deception by itself, since remembering the truth is sometimes difficult
as well, pausing, when it is obvious that the answer should be known, can serve to betray a liar.
Thus, we can expect that when someone is caught with difficult questions that they should exhibit more
nonverbal leakage and might even ‘appear’ to be thinking harder. Some researchers therefore have
linked avoiding eye contact, or looking away to think as a signal of mental processing and lying.
However, as we have seen, looking away sometimes helps us recall real to life events so this, in and of
itself, is not an indication of lying. Using eye direction was outlined in an earlier section, but it’s
important to note that baselining must first be accomplished for this to be anywhere near accurate.
Right and left handed persons will look in different direction depending on whether they are creating
information or recalling it.
A way liars use to reduce the work to carry out lies is to prepare the details in advance. In this condition
we should expect more eye contact, gestures and overall movement because less stress is put on the
mind, and so the body should appear more relaxed. When a liar is not afforded the time to prepare to
tell a lie their movement should be less fluid and their behaviour should exhibit changes in frequencies
especially nervousness. Liars that prepare their lies in advance will have fewer inconsistencies in their
stories, but might appear overly rehearsed whereas liars that can’t prepare will seem to be over
thinking. Thus when truth telling, there should be an inherent fluidity about the conversation. Other
research tells us that liars are less forthcoming than truth tellers and tell less compelling tales. The
stories they tell also have fewer ordinary imperfections and unusual contents.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Nervousness And Guilt In Lying
“Talking out of the side of the mouth” came about because we feel that liars don’t speak to us straight;
in plain terms.

One of the most reported cues of deception includes fear and nervousness. These include higher pitch,
faster and louder speech, speech errors or stuttering and indirect speech or talking out of ‘the side of the
mouth’ or in worse cases, the liar might even sound unpleasant. We might also see blushing of the face,
neck or ears, an increase in blink rate, fidgeting, dilation of the pupils or sweating. In theory, the greater
the apprehension of getting caught or the greater the stakes, the more evident these fear cues should be.
As an increase in the possibility of punishment or with an increase in the severity of punishment we
should also find an increase in nervous body language. The studies tell us that people who lie about
something they’ve done wrong, termed a ‘transgression’, the more likely they were to show more
deceptive cues presumably because they felt guilt more strongly.
We should also be cognoscente about the motivation of the liar. If they aren’t particularly vested in the
lie, they might not show nervousness at all. Someone presenting a ‘white lie’ about who they were with
the night previous, or their preference for chocolate versus vanilla ice cream, should be expected to
show minimal nervousness. More experienced liars show very little nervousness, because, not only are
they practiced at lying, they rarely get caught, so have little to worry about effectively destroying the
hypothesis that nervousness specifically increases because of lying. Conversely, poor, but frequent
liars, get caught so often that the consequences of their lies fail to bother them, so they also lack
nervousness. We should also predict that lies told to close friends or family whom the liar cares for,
should make them more susceptible to nervous body language. Here we might in fact see lower pitch,
softer and slower speech and a downward gaze as they battle their consciousness. The stick in the
spokes of this theory though is that sometimes telling the truth can causes guilt just the same as telling
a lie, especially when it is known that the truth might hurt someone. Other times, telling the truth
causes even more distress because of the shame of revealing possible shortcomings or mistakes to
others. Thus, it’s a pretty safe statement to say that liars don’t always feel guilty about their lies and
truth tellers don’t always feel good about their honesty. In fact, many liars justify their lies to prevent
distress in other people!
Being unable or unwilling to embrace their lies is what makes lie tellers appear less truthful and
convincing. So by this theory we should expect a liar to face more negative emotions when lying which
truth tellers don’t face which in turn leads to at least faint feelings of discomfort which then leaks out
through the body. However, again we find data to the contrary. It has been noted by researchers that liar
can have less vested in their claims primarily because they haven’t actually occurred. This is counter
what was presented thus far because instead of appearing more emotional, they may in fact appear less
emotional. Lest we forget too that liars can present fearful emotions when they lie due to the chances of
getting caught! If you haven’t gotten the point by now, you are starting to. The point is that emotions
are intertwined with the fear of getting caught, anguish of lying and telling the truth and a myriad of
other factors directly and indirectly related to lying.
As we know, when truth tellers speak, they are backed with an accumulation of knowledge, experience
and wisdom from an event, whereas a liar is only acting out of his own imagination. This can provide
clues to his deception. Therefore, the liar might offer fewer details, present their story with less
emotional investment, provide less evidence to stake their claims, act less compellingly, appear less
forthcoming, less pleasant and more tense. It is also important to note the motivation or context of the
lie as well, as this will provide us with clues to watch for, be it nervousness, fear of getting caught and
the guilt or the shame of either lying or not lying as the case may be.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Liars Freeze Up But Master Poker Players
Become Dynamic?
Lying is so pervasive in life that it is no doubt that poker, a game that celebrates and rewards lying, is
so popular. Over the course of a poker game each player will gain access to the same good and bad
hands on average, but it is what is done with these hands that bring in more or less money. Even weak
hands can win by bluffing, or lying about the strength of the hand, by fooling a competing player into
fold. Poker is a game that rewards those that actively lie about strong hands by betting when weak and
also holding back or “slow playing” strong hands to milk as much money from opponents. As poker
players develop, they work through steps or stages on their way to becoming masters. One of the first
skills learned is feigned disinterest which is useful when dealt a great hand. If a player can not convince
others that they hold a weaker hand and instead show confident body language and consistently raise,
the remaining players will simply fold. This invariably reduces their contribution to your pot and
reduces your earnings. It will have been said that you haven’t played the hand to its full potential so
even if you have won, you will have still lost.
Once feigned disinterest is mastered, a poker player begins what is called “acting.” That is, they will
act weak when they have a strong hand, and act strong when dealt a weak hand. In poker, this becomes
very tiresome (but simple) because a player must constantly show signs of strength when they aren’t
and show signs of weakness when they are strong. Doing the opposite to what comes naturally
consumes mental resources and distracts from other tasks such as reading other people’s body language
and calculating the strength of their hands. The next level in a poker player’s development is to do what
most poker players conclude their learning with, especially casual home players, and this is to clam up
and show no signs at all ever. This is what we call the “poker face” and is the primary topic at hand in
this discussion. While not important in general life, it might behoove you to know the final stage to
becoming a master poker player which is the ability to move from just the poker face (expressionless,
or nearly so!) to all levels perpetually, so you can never quite be figured out with any degree of
certainty. Of course, different styles exist between players, where some are constantly chatting, while
others are constantly frozen, but the gist of it that they don’t have to be stuck in a frozen pipeline. As
with good liars, good poker players possess the skills to act natural and honest, even when they aren’t.
Liars have been shown to freeze up in this “poker face” too. Acting naturally is difficult when under
stress, or if we are particularly motivated to get away with a lie. Motivation can be due to receiving a
reward, keeping our job, or avoiding severe punishment. The greater is the motivation, the greater the
likelihood of freezing up. Someone that hits a monster hand in poker can suddenly stop all movement
altogether, but as we see with all lying body language, a liar can also show opposite behaviour and
begin to shake or vibrate uncontrollably usually with their feet, but sometimes even their hands. I’ve
seen it happen and it tells me it’s time to fold! When playing poker it is usually impossible to see the
feet so instead watch the person’s shirt and shoulders, as they will seem to bounce along with their legs.
Surprisingly, even while the feet are practically running off, the faces of poker players often remain
stoic as if frozen. Bouncing feet are called “happy feet” and is a high confidence ‘tell’, indicating that a
person is about to gain something important. It is very reliable and happens as a direct result of having
heard or seen something significant that is positive to the person displaying the signal. While high
affect happy feet make the entire body bounce, happy feet can be display in a more subdued way by
just wiggling the feet. Watching for these cues in poker can be a very important tell and save a pile of
money, so be careful to watch for it.

To avoid detection, under the ‘freeze-up’ premise, we expect people to decrease their overall nonverbal
behaviour. Scientists have dubbed this the “motivational impairment effect.” Someone who is “acting”,
might also appear more deliberate in their performance and this relates back to fluidity of movement.
Truth tellers take the trust of others for granted, whereas liars must work for it. This can become
evident through their “act” as they struggle to piece their story and body language together and make it
appear congruent.
If when questioning, we notice that someone immediately freezes up, becomes rigid or less fluid these
can be indicators of lying or at minimum stress. Freezing can happen in terms of facial expressions,
foot and leg movements, head movements or even changes in posture. The overall movement of a
person can become less fluid and their speech may become less spontaneous or they may stop speaking
altogether. It will still be up to you to figure out why a person has become stressed and frozen. Not only
this, but you must develop a baseline to compare freezing up versus normal behaviour. Perhaps this
person always freezes up when people pry into their lives. Wouldn’t you, especially if you were
innocent? Some people naturally use fewer gestures while speaking, and had freezing been a rule rather
than a guide would lead us to assume something that is in fact incorrect. Along similar lines, using
fewer illustrators in speech has been tied to lying through the research, so is also something to watch
for. Just like a novice poker player who holds rigid postures all the time, or a poker face, we’ll never
truly know what kind of hand they have through any outward indicators like body language. This is
what makes freezing a good default skill to liars.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Remaining Uncommitted
When people tell the truth they will usually show extra enthusiasm and commit to their story. Liars
often start off the same way, but quickly trail off.
Liars have been noted to be uncommitted to lies. That is, because they have nothing vested in the lie,
they remain less than exuberant in their convictions. In other words, the subconscious mind of liars
doesn’t allow them to carry forward with enthusiasm. Instead of smashing a fist against a table and
raising a voice saying “I didn’t do it!”, liars will instead make much duller motions and use less
commitment to them. It is not as if they want to lie, it is the limbic mind that won’t allow them to.
Liars will motion without emphasis, or describe events by trailing off or use weak statements. They
might limit arm and hand movement by clasping them together or locking them down on an armrest
with such force they turn their knuckles white. The hands might be put out of sight in pockets or under
a table where they can’t be read. Reduced movement can be seen throughout the body, not just in the
hands. The entire body including the head, arms, feet, and torso can seem to lock in place. People that
are telling the truth spend a lot of time and energy in efforts to make the facts known which comes
across in their body language and gesturing. Truth tellers are happy to spend as much time as necessary
to get everything right. They will often add more detail than required and go over it again and again if
necessary. Not emphasizing is linked to the freeze response where the mind clams the body shut and
reduces movement so as to draw less attention to it. What is important in lie detection is to compare
cues from a baseline. That is, if someone suddenly drops emphasis then you know they’ve lost interest
in the topic or are lying. In either case, it will have provided useful information to the body language
reader.
In writing this passage, I had just reviewed a video (see bottom posted on the web of a baseball game in
which a player leaped head-over-feet clear over the catcher as he came to homeplate to score a run. The
catcher, stuck in a fear response, failed to tag the runner. Baseball has an interesting tradition where it is
customary for the runner to body-check the catcher at homeplate as he tries to tag for an out. While the

catcher braced and ducked with his elbow up to make the tag, the runner jumped over the catcher
landing on home plate. The catcher stuck with his elbow up in defense could only convince his mind to
bring his arm just close enough to miss the tag! Because his mind feared the body check, he wasn’t able
to follow through with what he intended. While this is an interesting fear based response what follows
is even more interesting since it helps us read liars. The catcher, realizing he failed to get the out,
quickly turns to pursue the runner. One must ask why he would track the runner down if he made the
tag? Obviously he hadn’t! But more important that this, is that we know that he knows that he didn’t
make the tag! This means that any nonverbal language following the lack of tag, should he dispute it, is
read as lying language. To state his case, the catcher chats with the umpire by raising his arms showing
how he made the tag. What is revealing, however, is that the catcher only slightly raises his arms
instead of doing it with emphasis. Instead of showing the gesture over and over again, the catcher just
raises his arms once as if to make a casual rainbow motion with his arms. When his coach shows up
with arms flaying and talking with enthusiasm, the catcher quietly exits! The catcher knows that he
can’t make a case and so doesn’t put any effort into trying. The difference between the coach and the
catcher, is that the catcher knows he’s lying, while the coach isn’t sure. Once more, the coach isn’t
actually lying anyway, since he wasn’t there to feel the contact or lack thereof of the catchers mitt and
the runner, he’s just acting out an inherent bias – he’s playing the role he was hired to do. Lack of
commitment is an important cue to watch for when detecting lies so be careful to watch for it.
Chapter 15 – Seating Arrangements
Touch Reduction
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Liars will usually avoid physical contact.
Liars rarely touch others when they lie to them. This is a natural part of the fight or flight response and
the subconscious mind won’t permit them to reach out because of it. This can prove helpful in intimate

elationships, with family members or children since touching is a normal part of everyday life. Any
form of touch reduction can signal that a person is at odds with another and that they might be hiding
something. If touch isn’t normal, however, then measuring touch reduction won’t be possible. In this
case, look for distancing behaviours instead like arm withdrawal or leaning away, especially in the
torso as these are forms of distancing of which touch forms a subset. Touch is an aspect of closeness
that is simply not tolerated well between those who have different ideas. Couples have even been
shown to draw away from each other when they are generally unhappy with their relationship, and tend
to touch themselves far more frequently than they touch other people.
Touch reduction is usually accompanied with stressful questions or when information is presented that
creates anxiety. Closeness can also be useful when assessing someone because it will invoke distancing
desires. When talking with a spouse or child, sit as close as that which you are accustomed to before
taking up serious matters. If someone is hiding something, they will usually push away or even stand
up looking for ways to exit or change the subject. Holding the hand of a child can be particularly useful
when discussing matters of dishonesty. If they wish to exit the discussion, they will try to tug their hand
away.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
The Truth Bias
A review of the literature on lying and truth telling shows us that an average sixty-seven percent
accuracy is found when detecting the truth, whereas forty-four percent is found while detecting
deception. In other words, people’s accuracy at detecting truths is usually higher than their accuracy at
detecting lies! This is what is called the truth bias. Some possible explanations for the truth bias stem
from the fact that in everyday encounters we usually deal with honest people. While lying is pervasive,
it doesn’t happen nearly as often as does lying. Thus, we expect people to be telling the truth and are
therefore better at detecting it.
Another possible reason for our inherent truth bias is because it would be detrimental to act
suspiciously while speaking with others just in case they were telling the truth. If our default was to
label other people as deceptive, we’d be constantly interrupting others to clarify statements, or our
suspicion would have our minds busy fact checking at a later time. Our conversations would be littered
with statements such as ‘That can’t be true’ or ‘Really, I can’t see that’ or ‘I’ll believe that when I see it’
which sometimes it is, but usually not. This would be time consuming and counterproductive given the
nature of real to life situations, that is that people normally tell the truth. Our social rules also do not
permit us to act suspiciously and if we did so would alienate others and prevent us from formulating
alliances or friendships. In fact, ignoring the faults of others is the primary reason we allow ourselves
to associate with anyone at all. Those with a memory for detail find it hard to ‘let things go’ or ‘ignore
subtle unimportant flaws’ which can be detrimental for relationships. The truth bias tells us that letting
little ‘white lies’ go, is an integral part of human nature, perhaps even necessary.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Are Truth Tellers Less Cooperative?
The most influential manual regarding suspect interviewing was written by Fred Inbau, Reid and
Buckley in 2001 “Criminal interrogation and confession” and is the handbook used by police officers
in training. The “Reid nine steps” claims that after being accused of having committed a crime, those
under investigation who are innocent will tend to be more cooperative than deceptive when compared
to guilty suspects. The theory says that honest suspects will cooperate and work harder to show their
innocence, whereas the guilty will appear less cooperative, and so appear less convincing.
Inbau provides a few examples. He says that suspects who are guilty will want to exit the interview as
quickly as possible. They will say things like “Well, I figured you wouldn’t believe me. It’s been nice
talking to you but I have an attorney to see.” On the other hand, suspects who are innocent will not
want to exit the interview room after being falsely accused so they will insist on remaining as long as
possible to present the truth to the investigator. In fact, the manual states that innocent suspects, will
remain until they have had the opportunity to present enough information to eliminate themselves as a
suspect.
The argument of cooperation does seem plausible and some studies do support the argument, however
others do not. One such study by Aldert Vrij of the University of Portsmouth in the United Kingdom in
2005 showed that there was no relationship between cooperation and guilt. He found that suspects who
were shy tended to cooperate less despite their guilt or innocence. Therefore by Inbau’s logic would be
falsely labeled as guilty. At issue here are many factors and ones that need to be considered before
anyone can be labeled as a liar or otherwise. Deceivers are just as likely to be concerned with the
impressions they make as non-deceivers so this is non-issue. However, the context does come across as
a big factor.
For example, a criminal at a boarder crossing who is moving drugs with a suitcase would obviously be
unwilling to cooperate by opening his bag so as to delay being caught, but so too might someone
holding particularly private or personal items. Lest we not forget about a human rights activist who’s
occupation involves protecting the freedoms of people. The activists will be just as unlikely to
cooperate with law enforcement since his goals are best served by drawing attention to the injustices
around him. What better way to make a point about global big brother than to become a victim
yourself. Liars on the other hand might try harder to appear more honest by cooperating, or show that
they have nothing to fear, and even appeal to discrimination and unjustness of the process. In the case
of the honest suspect, they aren’t concerned about the impression they make on others, so can also
appear less cooperative, even combative. Thus, cooperation, in and of itself, does not lead necessarily
indicate deception, but on the surface, has some merit.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
The Facial Action Coding System Or FACT
Another Way To Detect Lies
Scientists have uncovered tics and flutters that can tell us when people aren’t telling us the truth. FACT
or the Facial Action Coding System is a system that deals with forty-six facial movements classified
into more than 10,000 microexpressions. The manual details how the face behaves based on the
muscles that control it. The guide is a combination of still images, digital video and written descriptions
and is of interest not only to lie detectors, but also to animators, computer scientists who create facial
recognition software and other personnel who need to know how the face moves and why such as
psychotherapists and interviewers.
According to its proponents FACT can detect deception with a seventy-six percent accuracy. According
to researcher Paul Ekman, thousands of people have been trained to read these signals from
transportation security to administrative personnel. In fact, FACS has been recently implemented in
U.S. airports as terrorist-screening. In other words, you may want to look up FACS and avoid the
expressions least you get pulled aside for an uncomfortable cavity search! FACS however, is by no
means beginners reading material, however, the idea is to be able to codify the information into
software that can then be interpreted by a human operator.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Microexpressions
Microexpressions, such as this furrowed forehead (a negative thought indicator) are called “leaked”
because they happen quickly and last only fractions of a second before disappearing. Because they are

difficult to control, they tend to be reliable indicators of truly felt emotions.
Microexpressions are facial movements or expressions that flash across the face at such a fast rate that
they are barely perceivable. Slow motion replays of high speed videography easily shows what is
difficult to see in real time. The persistence of these cues range from 1/25 to 1/5 of a second. It is the
study of microexpressions that assumes that certain aspects of facial expressions reveal this duplicity to
betray the liar. The research was originally pioneer by Guillaume Duchenne in the 1800s as we saw in
an earlier chapter who discerned the difference between real and fake smiles from the use of the
zygomatic major muscles which pull the corners of the mouth upward and the orbicularis oculi, the
muscle around the eye that pulls the cheek up while lowering the brow. This was the true smile and in
the same way, other unconscious microgestures reveal negative emotions. Presumably it is more
difficult to prevent a felt emotion in addition to creating a false emotion than to simply neutralize the
face. The term “masked” refers to any facial emotion that is either replaced by a different falsified
expression, or is neutralized with no emotion present. This is when microexpressions should be most
evident.
Microexpressions, on the other hand, are tied to leakage in so much as they are an attempt to hide our
true feelings. When we tell a lie, and if we hold any remorse for that lie, repressed or otherwise, our
faces should reveal these cues through facial expressions. When a deceiver tries to repress an emotion
caused by lying, the result is a micro display that briefly comes across the face instead. Other times
these cues happen at a much slower rate and are perceivable by the naked eye. Those that can
intuitively detect lies often score high on the ability to recognize microexpressions.
Lies can be betrayed by signs of emotions as they relate to microexpressions or in other words, it is
difficult for a liar to create emotions that don’t exist. For example, it is difficult to consciously narrow
the red margins of the lips so this can be an indicator of feigned anger. Rarely do we detect these fake
emotions though, which is partly due to the fact that we simply don’t care to know the truth as it serves
no useful purpose to us; there is no reward or incentive.
A study conducted in 2008 by Stephen Porter and Leanne Brinke of Dalhouse University who
examined microexpressions through the examination of high speed video cameras found some, but
incomplete support, for their use in detecting feigned emotions. In fact the emotions they did uncover
occurred over a much longer time which could suggest that they might be easier to detect than
previously though. They also found that it was far easier to neutralize the face (show no expression)
than to create an artificial emotion. In the neutral face, they found a lower blink rate, possibly due to
the effects of claming up, but where a masked face appeared, they found increased blinking likely due
to the stress associated with faking a face. Other studies suggest that liars increase blink rate, as we
recall. They also found that all participants showed at least one inconsistent emotion during deception
showing that leakage might be ubiquitous, but the overall success rate was still only sixty percent.
Confusing the findings further, they found that microexpressions were found throughout positive
emotions.
To date very little study has gone into microexpressions which is surprising given the widespread
attention is had been given. It is currently being utilized as a massive foundation for the U.S.
transportation agency to help identify suspicious passengers. While the science is incomplete with
regards to microexpressions, it is important to realize their existence, real or not, because the next time
we wait to board a plane, the eye in the sky and the personnel on the floor are eagerly watching for our
nervous ticks for the opportunity to pull us aside for more questioning. The rational of course is that
while nervous ticks might not accurately betray a liar all the time, it does form a basis to increase the
level of investigation even if there are occasional misses. The (not too?) distant future might hold

ecognition software that reads all levels of being, from gait to blood pressure, voice inconsistencies
and perhaps microexpressions. Most experts agree that this technology, due to its complex nature,
won’t be in production for some time though.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Examples of Microexpression
Keep in mind that microexpressions are useful when they appear out of congruency with other gestures
or language. It is when the facial expression is out of tune with what is being said. For example, telling
a positive story while smiling and momentarily flashing a microexpression can mean that the person is
lying. Here are some microexpressions with respect to emotions. [note that images show true
expressions which might be held for a time, whereas a microexpression will not persist, only flash
quickly before disappearing]
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Anger: Lowering the brow, flaring of the eyes and tightening of the mouth.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Fear: Raising the upper eyelids and showing the whites of the eyes, raising the
inner brow and folding the eyebrows inward (activation of the grief muscle), lowering the brow and or
tightening of the eyelid. A grimace usually comes across the face.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Surprise: Straight upward lift of the brows.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
wrinkling the nose.
Disgust: Baring of the teeth, lower of the eyebrows, tightening the eyelid, and
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Scorn: A combination of anger and disgust that happens by wrinkling of the
nose, raising and tightening of the upper lip. To visualize this expression think of a bad smell.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Reverse smile: While smiling the corners of the mouth curl downwards
momentarily displaying a caught/suppressed frown.
___________________________________________________________________________________

__________
False smile: Where the eyes play no part (no wrinkles in the corners of the eyes
as in the Duchenne smile and the mouth is stretched across the face).
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Doubt or disbelief: While answering a question in the affirmative saying “yes” the head is seen shaking
from side-to-side in a ‘no-gesture.’
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
How Mentally Taxing Is Lie Telling?
It’s intuitive for most to
think that the creation of lies is more difficult than telling the truth. For example, some think that the
truth comes ready-made, we simply remove it from a box and present it, whereas lies have to be pieced
together and manufactured so appear more difficult to construct. However, only sometimes this is true,
other times recalling what really happened proves to be just as difficult. Sometimes the truth requires
interpretation and other times the truth is hard to describe such as our opinion and feelings or in other
cases is difficult to visualize such as when an event happens quickly. Our minds have built in selective
memories making it hard to recall information that has happened in our past, particularly with respect

to traumatic or discomforting events. Lies though always involved a deliberate and conscious aim to
deliver information that is contrary to the truth, but as we know the truth is only sometimes easy to
interpret. Lies can be constructed willy-nilly and can flow just as fast as the mind can imagine things,
which, as we know, can happen instantly. This is what makes it only sometimes true that making up lies
is more challenging than telling the truth.
Depending on how one puts information together, will depend on how others will interpret it as well.
We can’t conceivable relay all events, as necessarily our information is censored for brevity. For
example, one might describe a particularly uneventful day by saying that it was “fine” and then listing
all the main events. However, what constitutes a main event anyway? Someone else might find
something important in your day that you failed to mention, however, this doesn’t mean that the person
is lying per se. Our minds are complex and quick, when we come up with simple lies, we can create
them as fast as we can spite them out. Only when lies get very complicated do we see effects such as
stuttering, pauses, speech errors or corrections. Keep in mind that only sometimes are truths
prepackaged, but lies are always prepackaged. The length of time to construct them is just one factor.
Quick and dirty lies might be shorter and contain only the main details, but so too might the truth.
Thus, prompting for more information can sometimes lead to the method of the lie. It’s much easier to
catch broad lies too and ones that fall outside the expertise of the teller precisely because they won’t be
able to add relevant information from their experiences. Due to the skills we all naturally posses, we
should only expect the telling of lies to be slightly more challenging to tell than the truth.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Police As Lie Detectors
In a 2004 study out of the University of Portsmouth by Samantha Mann, Aldert Vrij and Ray Bull it
was found that police officers were sixty-five percent accurate in detecting lies when they watched the
proceedings of an interrogation. This success rate is significantly higher than that which could arise by
chance alone and also shows that familiarity with the subjects can have a role in increasing accuracy.
Most research thus far has used college students, but this shows that police who frequently deal with
suspects might have an advantage reading them over reading others. By a similarly notion, this
advantage would theoretically be non-existent for police officers in a business meeting or with regard
to a salesperson on a car lot, unless they had particular experience with such matters. This study does
tell us that familiarity with the subject and the context can help us in detecting lies.
Police manuals give the impression that officers who interview suspects often, are good lie detectors,
despite of course the vast research that says otherwise. When the researchers qualified their
observations however, they found some surprising findings. Officers who named visual cues such as
those mentioned in Inbau’s research, mentioned previously, which forms part of the manual on lie
detection for police, such as gaze aversion, unnatural changes in posture, self touching, mouth and eye
covering were less likely to be accurate in reading others. In fact, these cues proved counterproductive.
Specifically, female participants who claimed to use Inbau’s cues most often where poorer at detecting
truths, than the males who did not. In particular, gaze aversion was unhelpful and in fact distracting
when analyzing for truth. So despite the moderate success of officers at detecting lies, there still
remains severe shortcomings because it was not necessarily due to observations of body language or
other anything else that could be described, catalogued, and hence put to use. If an inherent skill
amounts to a sixty-five percent success, but one can’t describe that skill in a way that makes it useful to
other people, then it simply appears like a hunch. Hunches are not reliable, nor do they meet the
scientific principle of reproducibility or have predictive (useful) qualities.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Lying In Children
Unfortunately, you probably thought that I would be describing how easy it is to spot lies told by
children, but the common theme in this chapter is held consistent. Being able to ‘look through our
children’ is a common sentiment. We do think that children are bad liars overall, but studies show that
children are nearly as, if not just as efficient at lying as adults. A 2007 study by Leif Strömwall, Pär
Granhag and Sara Landström of Göteborg University in Sweden found that overall detection of lies in
children was only around fifty-two percent, or not much better than chance. Adult raters were only
slightly more effective at detecting children’s lies when the children were not allowed time to prepare
their fibs. In this case they were only fifty-six percent accurate. The children relied on their own real
life experiences and those of others they knew to fabricate believable stories, whereas their nonverbal
strategy was to ‘stay calm’. Other research tells us that children as young as four are able to construct
and build lies, but that older children are more skilled than younger children and are therefore caught
even less. Another study showed that by age twelve, children have reached adult success levels. Further
to this, there is no ‘expert advantage’ mean that when college students were compared to teachers and
social workers, no difference was found, they all performed poorly as lie detectors.
Now let’s all breath deeply here! Children have a natural knack for telling lies, but so too does the rest
of the world it seems. To catch our children’s lies it’s best to watch for their verbal inconsistencies
rather than their nonverbal language. In fact, that is exactly what we do. Paying particular attention to
the consistencies in the verbal dialogue is reported by several studies as successful where adults are
trying to catch children in lies. To illustrate this point I draw on a 2002 study by Victoria Talwar and
Kang Lee of Queen’s University in Kingston Ontario, Canada. In the study they had children hold a
stuffed Barney toy behind their backs. As the experimenter left the room, they asked for them not to
peek. Almost no one could resist the temptation. Raters who had no chance to interview or listen to
children speak, but had to rely on body language alone, showed similar difficulty as other studies when
trying to pick which of the children where lying. However, when outright asked if they peeked seventyfive
percent lied and only twenty-five percent admitted to peeking, but when asked to guess what toy
they held, almost half of the six and seven-year-olds said “Barney” admitting they had looked, whereas
ninety percent of the three, four and five-year olds admitted the same. The study demonstrates that
young liars are easily read by verbal leakage. Only some of the students where able to come up with
alternative answers, or report that they didn’t know.
Another factor we look for in liars, is “richness of detail”’, meaning the level of information in a story.
It is this richness that we assume means that someone has actually experienced the event, rather than
constructed it. Children have limited life experience and it is difficult for them to create details outside
of their personal lives. Then again, young children often give short responses to questions anyway and
offer up little detail, even when prompted. Children have also been found to appear more nervous and
seem to think harder when lying, the problem of course is that they hold these traits while telling the
truth as well. Telling the truth is hard for both adults and children. Reality is as difficult to recall as is
creating lies.
Adults, parents in particular who spend a great deal of time with their children, can usually pick out lies
easier, because they’ve been with them to measure their experiences more so than the cues they give up
through their body language. However this falls much shorter than lie detection, it’s merely an
examination of the facts or at its most generous, a probability assessment. Parents most often rely on
baseline comparisons in their children and while this is helpful, detecting lies in strangers or in other

people’s children would be more useful. Teachers whom are faced with stories about summer vacations
or their extravagance might hold doubts, but until they can confirm these doubts with facts,
photographs or even parent’s confirmation, they simply remain doubts. Information presented outside
the realm of the children’s possible experiences can be used to reasonably detect lies, but with
widespread media and internet, story creation by children is made much easier. However, as the
research shows repeatedly, we should not expect to be able to detect lies through body language alone,
even in children.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
The Most Common Gestures Associated With
Liars
As we have seen liars are difficult to detect and sometimes body language is more of a distraction than
a help, however, as mentioned throughout, most people still rely on visual cues and identify (at least in
their mind) liars through their body language. While these cues are only sometimes useful in detecting
lies, they are always valuable as cues to avoid if the desire is to appear honest and trustworthy in the
eyes of others. In other words, here is a list of cues to avoid emitting yourself!

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Increased Face-Touching
Unnecessary face touching shows emotional discomfort. When in the right context, it can signal a lie.
Self touching is one thing we habitually associate with liars. They touch their chin, neck, nose, ears or

will pull their collar away from their neck. These traits are of course related to nervousness and the
mistake we sometimes make is directly associating nervousness with lying. As we have seen, not all
liars are nervous. Let’s break this category down a little more.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Ear Pull
Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.
The ear rub or pull is as gesture done as a response to greater blood flow to the ears and as a result of

an increase in body temperature. Lying ear language can come in the form of a pull downward on the
lobe, or as a scratch, or swipe behind the ear. When we get hot, we flush, and the neck and ears are
particularly sensitive to flushing. Flushing is the body’s response to an overactive metabolism as it
prepares to either fight, or take flight. When this cue is as a result of hearing a lie from someone else, or
hearing something that is distasteful, it is done in an attempt to inhibit what a person is hearing by
blocking the hears. Only it is not a complete blocking, but rather an abbreviated blocking so instead of
covering them completely, the hand merely grazes the ears or pulls on them. Other times liars respond
to the stress associated with lying themselves, so the ears are being touched to “block” the hears from
hearing their own fib. When someone manages their body in this way, it tells us that they are having an
inner battle with their self-image. In other words, this gesture is likely to appear only in those people
that are traditionally honest. Pathological liars don’t hold a positive self image, at least not about their
honesty and integrity, so feel no remorse from telling a lie and therefore go free of the stress response
lying can sometimes produce.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Neck Scratch And Collar Pull
Does this gesture means something or is her neck itchy?
When someone utters words such as “I completely agree with you, that sentiment is bang-on” but then

punctuates the sentence with a neck scratch, it might mean that they in fact believe the opposite.
Scratching the neck when no itch is present is a way to displace some of the nervous energy created by
the lie and so distracts them from the pain of their dishonesty. Usually, the neck is scratched about five
times, usually exactly. It seldom happens more than this, and rarely less. The collar pull is another form
of self touching that is related to the neck. In this case, the idea is to reduce friction causes by an
increase in blood flow to the neck. When stress increases, our face and necks flush with blood and we
pull our collar away as an unconscious indication of this process. As blood flow increases to our neck,
it stimulates nerves which in turn cause irritation and discomfort. Other times, the collar pull is a way
to release heat created by our bodies while under pressure and discomfort from a neck that has become
moist due to sweating.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Hand To Eye Gestures
Hand-to-eye sometimes gives liars away as they wish to “see no evil” – in this case, the evil of their
own lies.

Reaching for the eyes, rubbing the eyes or touching the skin below the eyes are all abbreviated forms of
eye covering. It is a response to the embarrassment caused by the lie and is, in effect, an attempt to “see
no evil.” As a response to seeing traumatic events we instinctively cover our eyes so as to shelter
ourselves from negative sights. This is a childhood throwback when kids would hide from view scary
images. However, in order not to give ourselves away, and to keep our victims in sight, adults stop
short of covering their eyes completely, and instead only scratch just below the eyes. Men might
vigorously rub their eyes however, whereas women will lightly rub around the eye so as not to smear
their make-up.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Hand To Mouth Gestures
When a child lies, she might bring her hand up quickly and slap her mouth closed, but when an adult
lies, she holds back and might only lightly touch the side of the mouth.

Mouth covering is another way to reduce the pain of telling a lie. In this case, it is so as to “speak no
evil.” Small children perform a full cover and even slap their mouths when they say something they
shouldn’t. Grown adults will sometimes cup their hands to their mouths like children in effort to “jam
the words back in their mouths” but usually use more subtle gestures such as talking through their hand
or placing a finger softly over their lips. Talking with ones hand covering the mouth “talking through
the hand” or resting the hand around the mouth by wrapping the fingers around the top, are significant
clues indicating insecurity.
Subconsciously, hand-to-mouth gestures leads people to distrust others, and see them as less honest
overall. The gesture can be done with a fist, a finger, or a ‘shushing’ motion with the index finger
vertically placed over the lips. Other times the subconscious mind is so powerful that the hand comes
up and slaps the mouth, but to cover this ‘tell’ up, a fake cough is added.
‘Talking through the mouth’ is seen as dishonest.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Nose Language
When people are stressed, blood flushes into the skin. Our hands are then drawn to the areas most
affected due to increased sensitivity and heat so we tend to point out our stress. Enlarged capillaries in

the nose can induce our hands in it’s direction to sooth it. As blood flows to the nose, it enlarges,
giving credence to the ‘Pinocchio effect.’
Nose touching might also stem from lying. It can happen as a quick but purposeful touch, the finger
might graze the side of the nose, or it can be a persistent rubbing. Sometimes the touch is quick and
dirty in an up and down motion, other times it is a brief almost unnoticeable touch to the base of the
nose or its side. Face touching can come in two forms, one that serves a real function to alleviate an
itch, and one that is the result of negative feelings such as being uncomfortable and stressed. Face
touching that is due to an emotion is meant as a fix behind the sensation, the emotion, and not due to
any physical need.
In order to appear more honest in front of others, either reduce or eliminate all face touching, make
them appear more natural, or make them consistent in affect across all situations. Itching is usually a
repetitive isolated gesture, which happens regardless of what is said, and happens at times when it
would be impossible to assume a connection to what is being said. For example, saying something of
questionable truthfulness, then brushing the side of the nose with an index finger is likely to raise
suspicion, whereas bumping the nose when not speaking or when describing insignificant details would
go unnoticed. Always try to make gestures appear natural and functional instead and also be
particularly conscious of nose and face touching when you think someone is trying to peg you a liar.
Over time it is your baseline that will give you away, so if you remain consistent across all situations,
you’re less likely to give up tells. Most will find that their minds are more active and busy during lying,
so it’s easier to avoid gestures altogether instead of adding honest gestures. This makes eliminating face
touching one of the easiest ways to appear honest with minimal effort.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Closed Body Postures
Closed body postures, like hands hiding in pockets, indicate insecurity which we subconsciously
associate with lying.

Closed body positions, as we know, give off bad signals in general. When in a high pressure situation,
closing the body off in any way may lead people to think that you have something to hide. Tucking the
chin in, pulling the arms closer to the body, crossing the legs, turning the body away, and taking on a
less threatening profile are all attributed to lying. Another less obvious clue to being closed-off, is to
subconsciously place an object between the liar and interrogator, such as a book, brief case, or any
other “security-blanket.”
As we all know of course, closed body positions like the majority of the signals associated with liars is
in fact due to the stress, fear and hence nervousness of the interrogation. When “under attack” we close
up our bodies to make it appear smaller and less significant to draw less attention to it, which is a way
to protect our bodies in case the interrogation escalates into a physical attack. While most cultures
prohibit physical force during everyday encounters, we still have the mental hardwiring that programs
us to foresee physical violence, never mind the fact that a verbal threat is just as embarrassing and
visceral as any physical confrontation. Threatening language puts our minds at risk to long term
emotional damage, no different than being threatened by physical conflict. In our daily lives accusatory
situations, verbal threats, and scolding, ranks near the top as far as the sorts of harm we endure
throughout our lives. This is why we see our bodies react through body language to emotional threats,
as well as to the possibility of being uncovered as cheats and liars.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Eye Patterns In Lying
Eyes that wont make contact or seem to dart around as if they are fabricating stories can give liars
away.

Shifty eyes, where the eyes dart all over the room to focus on anything but someone else’s eyes, is
habitually associated with lying. However, as we learned previously, most practiced liars hold gaze
even more strongly than in normal situations. In a study that looked at seventy-five countries, it was
found that avoidance of eye contact was named as a lying trait in every single one of them. It is also
frequently named first as a tell, and was named by old and young people alike. This trend exists cross
culturally, despite any supportive scientific findings. People will stereotype liars as having shifty
posture, self touching, appear nervous, have broken speech and so forth, but it is the belief that “they
can’t look you in the eye” that is first and foremost on the tongue of all human lie detectors throughout
the world! I suppose it would be less fascinating if that trait actually did predict lying, but it doesn’t.
It’s simply a widespread belief that is passed down from generation to generation.
With regards to the general public who hold strong ideas about what a liar looks like, be sure to avoid
gaze avoidance! Looking away for long periods of time, especially while talking, shifty eyes as
mentioned, or using “stammering eyes”, which is the action of keeping the eyes closed for prolonged
periods of time have all been noted as giving liars away. Despite widespread beliefs about how liars
refuse to look other people in the eye, there is little empirical evidence to suggest its truth. Gaze
avoidance might be more closely associated with the intent of appearing more subordinate, or to reduce
anxiety and intensity so as to diffuse the situation.
Shutting out the outside world with stammering eyes can be a strong turn-off to other people, as can
eye gaze avoidance which is probably why people universally attribute bad eye language to dishonesty.
Negative impressions can stem from poor eye contact, even coming from the most honest and
trustworthy people especially when it is the desire of others to label someone a liar for their own
interest or purpose. It is a well known fact that when people hold specific beliefs they discount
information that disproves their ideas, and actively seek out information that support it, some of which
doesn’t exist in ready made form. To the more astute, it will come as obvious that reading bad eye
language can help us reduce the creation of false impressions about others. Just because someone has
unusual eye patterns does not mean that a person is lying, but chances are good that if you use bad eye
language, or see someone else use bad eye language, you and they will be classified as untrustworthy.
The final aspect related to eye language worth mentioning is pupil dilation. Under stress or arousal of
any kind, the pupils expand so as to allow more light in. This can include stress and fear due to lying, or
any other fearful situations for that matter, but does not discount the stimulus of seeing something
particularly attractive, as this too causes pupil dilation. By placing a suspect in the hot seat it is possible
to gauge what level of fear he has with regards to accusations because it eliminates the confusion that
outside stimulus creates larger pupils. However, like all lying language, pupil dilation is due to stress,
which can result from being put in the hot seat! It is the gauging of pupil size from baseline that tells us
something useful. Talking about something neutral like what they did last week on a random day, then
switching to something more questionable like whether or not the stole office supplies is a great way to
measure pupil differences as well as other lying language.
While we expect a liar to be more stressful overall, this isn’t always the case as has been one of the
reoccurring themes in this chapter. However, if we wish to fool others, or maintain our innocence in
their eyes, we should try to remain relaxed thereby giving off few or no negative cues.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Verbal And Paraverbal Cues
At times verbal and paraverbal cues betray the liar and these are cues tied directly to the words in
which they speak. Although they fall outside the realm of body language at large, they do complete this
chapter with regards to cues associated with deception which is why they have been included. These
cues are, as always, related to the stress of fibbing so can be confused with nervousness of any other
source. Some however are the direct consequences of lying such as the telling of an implausible story
or using more negative comments or statements, which has been shown to increase during lying.
Here are the cues to deception as they relate to our verbal dialogue: Vocal tension, hectic speech,
faltering speech, improper structure or grammar, implausible story, inconsistent story, superfluous
details, describing feelings rather than events such as “I felt this way when I did this” or “I must have
felt this way because of this” etc, adding qualifying statement such as “This is what I am about to say”
then saying it, word or phrase repetition, using less contractions saying “I did not” instead of “I didn’t”,
using the persons name in sentences instead of saying “he” or “she”, for example “Bill went to the
store” rather than “He went to the store”, the use of clichés, blocking access to information, evasive
responses or desire to change the subject, speech is less compelling, less personal and with less or too
much detail, expressing self doubt, negative complaints or statements, defensiveness or aggressiveness,
changes in pitch (high low or monotone), shaky or soft voice, stuttering, false starts, silent pauses,
filled pauses, delayed response, appearing to be thinking, admitted lack of memory, tentative
construction of sentences, clearing the throat and spontaneous corrections.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Nervous Body Language – The ‘Other’ Cues
As we know nervousness plays a big part in lie detection so we habitually connect the two sentiments.
Therefore, by this nature, we assume that any of the following could be associated with dishonesty.
Here is a nearly comprehensive list of all cues that could be tied to lying or else associated with lying
from the general public. While they don’t necessarily uncover a liar they will be tied to dishonesty and
persons that perform these cues will be mistrusted. They include increased eye blink rate, stuttering,
dilated pupils, fidgeting, appearing unfriendly or tense, facial fidgeting, shaking, postural shifts or
unrelaxed/reserved postures, twitches, shrugs, head movements, playing with objects, sneering,
scowling, frowning, smiling, biting the lower lip, pressing the lips together, wrinkling of the nose,
increase in perspiration, blushing or turning pale and increased swallowing.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
fMRI In Lie Detection
Machines That Detect Lies – When All Else Fails Bring In The Machines
fMRI is the abbreviation for functional magnetic resonance imaging which enables researchers to
create maps of the brain’s networks as it processes thoughts, sensations, memories, and motor

commands. As our brains work, it requires blood to operate and the greater the work done, the more
blood is required. What gives lies away is that certain areas of the brain “light” up through increased
blood flow when lying take place. The job of the fMRI machine is to read this flow and decipher
patterns. Regions of the brain that are used in lying include the anterior (front) cingulated which
functions in process goals and intensions, the right orbital interior frontal which processes reward, and
the right middle frontal that helps govern tasks that require more than just ordinary thought. It is these
three brain centers working in concert that produce and also mask lies.
The fMRI measures blood flow and hence measures which areas of the brain are using up oxygen faster
and are working harder. Proponents of fMRI machines in lie detection claim that if you can get hits in
all three zones of the brain at the same time you can catch liars. In some studies lying has been detected
in upwards of ninety-three percent success rate with the help of fMRI machines. However, the current
methodologies of the study present some very big hurdlers before the machines can use the technology
in lie detection. For example, small movements in the head or speaking aloud can disrupt the scan and
produce unreadable information. The test also requires baseline procedures that compare deceptive
thought patterns and honest thought patterns, both of which can be made troublesome by an
uncooperative participant. The units are also expensive, bulky and require immersion into the unit
which proves to be impractical under most circumstances.
A second more portable device is in creation that uses processes similar to fMRI except that it uses
near-infrared light that pass through the forehead and skull but penetrates only the first few centimeters
of cortical tissue. This also uses blood flow similar to the fMRI. Once it passes through it is captured
by optical sensors and filtered. The unit is formed with a headband studded with LEDs and silicon
diode sensors. Researchers were able to detect lying in a card game ninety-five percent of the time
using these machines.
While blood flow to certain parts of the brain can be excellent predictors of lying, it does no help for us
as human lie detectors since there are no direct body language cues as yet discovered that are tied
directly to brain activity.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Some Other Lie Machines – Thermal Scanners,
Eye Trackers, Pupillometers And Stress Sniffers
Other machines that could potentially find their way into law enforcement and homeland security
include thermal scanners, eye trackers and pupillometers. Scientists at Dodpi or the Department of
defense polygraph institute have created a machine that measures the body’s emissions of heat, light,
vibration and other minute changes that happen during lying. One of the tools measures the amount of
heat that is released just inside each eye. The theory is that heat increase with lying and stress and this
should increase during lying. From this chapter, we know that this machine has severe limitations since
not all liars experience stress and fear, and not all honest people lack it. Another machine tracks
people’s gaze patterns to determine if they’re looking at something they recognize or something novel.
This would be useful in criminal investigations where the murder weapon was kept hidden from the
public. If a suspect was read to recognize the item, he could be linked to the crime. Other machines
measure pupils sizes to determine arousal which as we have been discussing can signal stress, fear, but
also interest. A sniffer machine is also being tested which looks for an increase in stress hormones on
the breath.

Such devices are new and their effectiveness unmeasured so are not in widespread use. Thankfully the
time we hear “Your plane is boarding, please walk through the mental detector” isn’t yet upon us, and
predictions of the popular book 1984 can sit idle, for the time being at least.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
So Which People Are Good At Detecting Lies?
At this point in the chapter it might seem out of place to admit that some individuals can actually detect
lies better than chance, but this is true, and has been backed up empirically through research. Studies
have shown that while the rest of the world is limited to fifty percent, or the same accuracy as that
which would occur by chance, the CIA (central intelligence agency) scores seventy-three percent,
sheriffs sixty-seven percent, psychologist sixty-eight percent whereas the secret service scores sixtyfour
percent.
So why do the experts have an advantage over the layman? Well, part of the explanation lies in
experience. The group of psychologist was chosen due to their special interest in lying and lie
detection, not to mention their willingness to participate in a two day seminar covering various topics
related to lying and lie detection. Each group including the psychologists, the CIA, and the secret
service all have an interest in lie detection coupled with the training to back it up. Experts are drawing
on information from many facets about a person, including their paraverbal and nonverbal language as
well as other cues as we have covered which is unlike regular lay-people who have little if any
experience in analyzing people, let alone the ability to repeatedly test their skills. Because lie detection
and reading people is a huge part of their occupations, they get a lot of practice and feedback.
Personality characteristics might also play into the ability to detect lies. For example, empathy,
sensitivity to social cues, and conscientiousness can all help in reading people more accurate because it
allows a person to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. Experts are also more aware of the truth
bias, which we covered earlier, and so can properly adjust for this phenomenon. It is important to
conclude on these matters that the accuracy, while impressive in relation to ordinary people, is still far
from perfect. While the experts are far from perfect, they do give us some hope that lie detection is
more than a chance operation. No doubt, by reading this chapter alone, you will be able to make huge
strides in reading others, perhaps not pegging every liar dead on the spot, but the cues in this chapter
will help you at least identified those who are worthy of a second look.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
How We Really Detect Lies
It is traditionally assumed that deception detection occurs simultaneously to the telling of a lie.
Meaning, as people speak, lie detectors were able to pick up on nonverbal and verbal cues to ‘read’
people. Most of the research to date suggests that we can’t use any body language cue, or collection of
cues in a comprehensive manner to read liars, but this might just be a limitation or flaw in the design of
the studies. In 2002 research by Hee Sun Park working out of the University of California in Santa
Barbara it was found that success in real-world lie detection happens gradually, over time and not on
one chance encounter. Her research found that the most often reported method of disseminating lies
included third party information, confessions and physical evidence, none of which the studies thus far

have provided. Therefore, with respect to how people really read lies, the scientific investigations to
date, haven’t provided people with information necessary to accurately detect lies.
Reading lies in real life is an active comparison from information we know for certain, and information
told to us. No doubt, nonverbal language can provide clues to us as a full package, but it doesn’t permit
us to ascertain conclusive evidence. We should therefore use untrustworthy or nervous body language
as motivation to spark further investigation.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
How To Accurately Read Lies
By now we know that liars are practiced, we all do it, and we do it regularly. Sometimes we don’t even
realize we do it and other times those around us don’t care to know. What we do know is that most liars
feel only mild feelings of guilt and fear. Thus, we should only expect very subtle clues to deception and
nothing more. It has been shown through the research that looking for full blown signals of lying is
both misleading and even unhelpful. Liars as it were, are only slightly more apprehensive than truth
tellers with both feeling nervous and anxious when faced with scrutiny.
My advice to read people is to watch for the little stuff, the microexpressions, the small gestures and
the ones that happen instantly, and then hone in on it. Keep in mind too, that you won’t be able to
detect lies much better than about seventy-five percent of the time anyway, which is on par with the
CIA minus of course various lie detection machines which we discussed as being impractical and
requiring cooperation that you are very unlikely to garner, even if provided with access.
The top lie detectors all seem to have one trait in common, and that is skepticism. They know or
assume that someone is lying so they view them through that window being careful to watch and recall
any cues that tip the scales toward deception. Looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses will
lead to rose-coloured predictions about people and this is all just dandy, if you aren’t interesting in
uncovering bad things around you. You also must be aware of a person, from their face to their toes and
be willing to look them over and actively observe them. If you’re goal is to make friends, then by all
means avoid filtering and analyzing the body language around you. In fact, I would advise body
language readers to relax their skills when around family and friends, or at least keep it secret!
It is not safe to immediately peg someone a liar based on one or even a handful of cues just by the
nature of the trade. Reading lying correctly is a long term comparison of the facts seeded with
emotional, fearful and stressed body language from one moment to the next that can only happen over
time. Success will come by looking at the full picture and comparing the parts to the whole and digging
deeper when discrepancies happen between expressive behaviours and the words said. No doubt, lie
detection is difficult, but the body language in this chapter coupled with how it is framed, that is the lie
detection theory and it’s limitations, will help increase your odds significantly.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Comfort and Discomfort In Detecting Deception
By keeping a “subject” relaxed, we can measure lying more accurately. Instead of creating lyinglanguage
through suspicion, we can find out which facts create discomfort – it is discomfort body

language that helps uncover the truth.
Ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro explain in his book What everybody is saying that nonverbal cues put out by
the limbic mind are paramount to detecting deception. He says that it is the displays of comfort versus
discomfort that tells body language readers when someone is telling the truth or lying. When people lie
they experience discomfort and “guilt knowledge” which leaks through the body through a person’s
fear response, but when they tell the truth they “have no worries.” This approach says that a person
uses more emphatic gestures with their hands and arms when they tell the truth, but when they lie they
tend to freeze up and lock themselves down. If you see half-hazard attempts to describe events using
lack of emphasis and gesturing, or in other words, remain uncommitted, than you can be pretty sure
their story is fabricated. Truth tellers try their best to set facts straight and will go on at lengths to
accomplish this.
The theory says that someone that is guilty carries negative thoughts with them because by nature,
people are honest and think that they are good people. When they harbour bad thoughts though, they
find it difficult to achieve comfort. The technique to reading lying as outlined states that a person must
be read in low stress environments so that it is possible to measure changes from their baseline to catch
stress related discomfort. Grilling someone for the truth has been show to produce “false positives”,
meaning people who are actually innocent will actually plead guilty. Innocent suspects have been
shown to confess to very serious crimes such as murder simply because they were put under very
intense pressure. This is why it is important to establish comfort during all interactions, yet use
appropriate questions to uncover the truth.
Overlooking someone suspiciously or presenting leading or accusatory questions will create
discomfort, however it won’t show you which information presented leads to changes in nonverbal
body language. It is by using relaxed and rapport building body language that allows someone to relax
leaving only the information or question to be the variable by which all body language is measured.
When scientists conduct research they do their best to keep all factors the same except for one. They
call this the dependent variable, and it is by definition what is measured, or in other words what is
affected during the experiment. The independent variable is what is manipulated in an experiment.
When conducting a “lying experiment”, like all experiments, you want to keep all other variables
constant so you can measure one variable against another variable.
Therefore, when we want to uncover lies, we should keep our body language neutral and remain calm
while working to present information, details, asking for clarification, and so forth to uncover
discomfort. This is why torture techniques don’t work to uncover the truth, they just pull information
that the suspect believes the interviewer desires so they will stop badgering them. Just by using
suspicious body language or leading questions can put someone on edge and influence their nonverbal
communication. Saying things like “I don’t believe you” or “I think you are lying” will create anxious
body language which can be misconstrued to be the result of actually being dishonest, when in actual
fact is likely due to stress from being mislabeled. To body language reader will gain no useful
information from creating anxiety. The rule of thumb therefore is to create and maintain comfort at all
times, remain neutral in expression and measure signals of discomfort to uncover information that
creates stress.

Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Comfort and Discomfort Body Language
Comfort on the left side of the image, discomfort on the right.
We have covered many signals of comfort and discomfort throughout the book and have even eluded to
their use in lie detection. To simplify things, I wanted to take the time to cover the cues we can use to
detect lying as it relates to comfort and discomfort. We have seen how open and closed language can
signal a desire to allow access to the body. Ventral displays shows that a person is open and trusting of
someone and this sort of response is difficult when we feel we are hiding emotions. Comfort is
displayed through proximity and people do this by moving their torsos closer or leaning inward rather
than away and will remove objects that impede their view so as to establish more intimacy.
Comfortable bodies open up and spread out.
Comfortable people will hold their bodies loose rather than rigid, and their body will move with
fluidity. They will gesture with their speech instead of freezing instantly or awkwardly, called “flash
frozen.” Sometimes people will slow to catch their thoughts, but this will be obvious to the body
language reader and will come at appropriate times and in context when thought is actually required to
produce accurate answers. Comfortable people mirror others around them instead of avoiding
synchrony. Their breath rate will be similar and they will adopt like postures instead of showing

differences.
Bodies show discomfort by increased heart rate, breath rate, sweating, a change in normal colour in the
face or neck, trembling or shaking in the hands lips, or elsewhere, compressing the lips, fidgeting,
drumming the fingers and other repetitive behaviours. Voices often crack when under stress, mouths
might dry up producing noticeable swallowing, “hard swallows”, or frequent throat clearing. Liars
might use objects as barriers. They might hold drinking glasses to hide parts of their face or use walls
and chairs while standing to lean against to gain support. Liars might engage in eye blocking
behaviours by covering their eyes with their hands or seem to talk through them or even squint so as to
impede what is being said from entering their minds. The eyes might also begin to flutter or increase in
overall blink rate showing an internal struggle.
Drumming fingers, fidgeting, kicking feet and so forth are burning off nervous energy – discomfort.
We’ve hit on the fact that stress creates nonverbal language such as preening to show detachment from
a conversation (picking lint), energy displacement gestures such as scratching the body or rubbing the
neck or wiping the side of the nose. Palm up displays show that a person has some doubt, and indicates
a desire for other to believe them while palm down displays show confidence and authority.
Microexpressions can also be particularly revealing since they happen instantaneously and
subconsciously. Watch for movements that happen first especially if they are negative in nature as these
are more honest than positive body language. Positive language is used by people to appear more in
control and polite instead of appearing vulnerable. Fake smiles are an excellent example of an
expression that can sometimes be put on to appear to disguise stress. We know smiles are faked when
they seem to last for much longer than what would be considered natural.
Lack of touching, or touch reduction also signals discomfort and a divergence of ideas. When people’s
ideas differ they find it hard to come close to others as part of the natural fear response. Head
movements that are inconsistent with speech such as slightly nodding affirmatively though making a
denial or vice versa, or delaying head nodding until after speech is made such that speech and gestures
lack synchrony can give liars away. When gestures are done out of sync they tell us that a person is
adding the gesture on as support for their statement. The entire affair appears to be out of the normal
order of flow in communication which liars can often do. When affirmative nodding happens during

denial statements such as nodding “yes” while saying “I did not do it” usually happens very subtly, but
is obvious to the conscious observer. Keep in mind while reading these cues that they do not indicate
lying per se, but rather indicate discomfort and stress. The job of the body language reader is to decide
why a person is stressed. Are they stressed because they are being put on the spot, because they fear
being mislabeled, or because they are actually telling lies?
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Setting Someone Up To Be Read
The following is a sequence by which lying can be more effectively read as outlined by Joe Navarro in
his book What everybody is saying. Navarro follows a more interrogative style which will work in
some circumstances, but it limited in others.

When trying to read someone for truth-telling, have an open view of their body to be able to see any
signs of comfort and discomfort as they may arise.
1. Get a clear unobstructed view of the person you wish to read so you don’t miss any pacifying
behaviours. If possible put people in an open space.
2. Expect some nervous and stressful body language especially pacifying behaviours. People are
expected to calm themselves at all times even when no lying is being done.
3. Expect initial nervousness. When someone is questioned they will feel tension regardless of their

level of guilt.
4. If possible have the person you wish to read to first relax. With time everyone relaxes, even guilty
people so if you can put off asking important questions or build rapport, do so.
5. Look to establish a baseline. This is especially important if you don’t know the person you are
questioning all that well. Look for cues they use normally especially mannerisms and pacifiers.
6. As you begin questioning, watch for an increased use of pacifiers. This will be especially telling
when they seem to increase dramatically during specific questions or when certain topics arise. When
they arise, it will provide clues as to which information requires further investigation.
7. Pause frequently after asking questions. It is important to avoid putting out too many questions all at
once because it will only serve to create stress. Give the person you are trying to read enough time to
think and answer questions so as to avoid false positives.
8. Stay on task and maintain focus. When people feel stress they often want to change the subject
matter or avoid questions. If a person gets the opportunity to change the subject their will emit fewer
nonverbal tells of deception because when people speak they get to choose and control the topic.
9. Chatter is not truth. Listening to one side of the story often produces a bias and on the surface, the
more we listen to people, the more we tend to trust and believe what they tell us. Advertising
campaigns work through a similar mechanism as the more we hear the message, the more we think it to
be true. Eventually, if we hear messages enough time, they work into our subconsciousness to become
“ours”, they re-write our reality. When people present a huge amount of information about a topic, they
appear to be telling the truth, however this is not always the case as even creative liars can go at lengths
to produce elaborate and believable lies. It is not the amount of information provided that matters, but
rather the accuracy of the information which can only come through verification of the facts.
10. Stress in and stress out. There are two times when stressful nonverbals are emitted, once when the
question is asked which can appear like distancing behaviours such as arms and foot withdrawl and
then again when pacifying is needed to calm. These come out as neck touching, stroking the hair and so
forth.
11. Isolate the cause of stress. Is stress due to being asked stressful questions, or because someone is
being interrogated. Not all stressful nonverbal language is due to lying and often people that are honest,
show nervous language.
12. Pacifiers tell us a lot. Pacifying body language tells us when someone is stressed which tells us
which scenarios, questions or information has created it. It therefore follows that pacifying cues tell us
which areas require more thorough investigation.
Chapter 16 - Deception and Lie Detection
Summary – Chapter 16
We began this chapter knowing full well that lie detection through nonverbal means was difficult at
best. However, we did cover a huge amount of clues that can help us by raising suspicion and provide
us with leads to delve further. We began the chapter by looking at the reasons for lying which includes
hiding feelings, preferences and attitudes. We found that lying is used to reduce disagreements and hurt
feelings and is a useful skill in impression management. We listed the nine reasons people lie which are
to avoid punishment, to gain access to a reward, to protect another person or one’s self from being
punished, to win admiration of others, to avoid awkward social situations, to avoid embarrassment, to
maintain privacy and to gain at the expense of others.
We found that by grilling someone for the truth it is often enough to cause someone to feel stress

thereby creating the behaviour instead of uncovering it. Contrary to popular belief we discussed that
eye contact can often increase during lying rather than decrease due to “duping delight” where a person
receives a charge from pulling one over on someone else. We learned that lying is hard work so should
expect that when someone is caught with difficult questions that they should exhibit more nonverbal
leakage and might even ‘appear’ to be thinking harder. Nervousness and guilt was touched on which
showed that at times liars can give themselves up through a higher pitch, faster and louder speech,
speech errors or stuttering, blushing, an increase in blink rate, fidgeting, dilation of the pupils or
sweating, but that these cues only reveal liars that actually feel guilt, and not all do. Liars can also tend
to “freeze up” and reduce movement and we related it back to professional poker players. Next we
looked at how liars remain uncommitted to their lies, and thereby use less exuberant gesturing, and can
stop or reduce touching when they lie.
Next we looked at the “truth bias” which shows that an average of sixty-seven percent accuracy is
found when detecting the truth, whereas forty-four percent is found while detecting deception because
people expect to be told the truth so have adapted to detect it. We found in this chapter that truth tellers
(and liars) are sometimes less cooperative, but not always, and looked at the FACT or the facial action
coding system as another way to detect lies. “Microexpressions” were defined as facial expressions that
flash across the face in 1/25 to 1/5 of a second and can betray liars because they are difficult to
consciously control and appear more honest. We discussed that while lying requires fabrication, telling
the truth can be just as difficult since details must be recalled from memory. Police officers, we found,
are fairly good at detecting lies, but this is in spite of what they are taught rather than because of it.
Lying language in children was discussed and then we classified the major gestures that are usually
associated with lying, but that aren’t always actually indicative of it. Our aim in doing so was to avoid
doing them so we can avoid being mislabeled as untruthful by others. These commonly associated
gestures include touching the face and ears, scratching the neck, pulling at the collar, touching the eyes,
mouth, or nose and closed body language. We also examined eye patterns in lying, verbal and
paraverbal cues and nervous body language as they relate to lying. We discovered that machines such
as the fMRI, thermal scanners, eye trackers, pupillometers and stress sniffers had a much greater
success rate when compared to people, but were also expensive and impractical.
We finished up the chapter by examining true success which is achieved by the experts; the CIA who
scores seventy-three percent, sheriffs sixty-seven percent, psychologist sixty-eight percent and the
secret service who scored sixty-four percent as well as techniques for actually detecting lies by
comparing the baseline of a person as they shift from comfort to discomfort based on questioning or
other stimulus.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Final? There’s no end to the constant flow of research on Body Language and how amazing our Brains
are… Stay tuned for more, and visit our Articles section of the site for the newest research.
This is the public content.
This is the private content. You can change the level to match whatever level should have access to the

info.
This is public info after the private info.
Cheers,
Chris
References
References
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Resources And References
This website is a product of more than just my own opinion; it is the result of the synthesis of
hundreds of sources. I am a nerd for primary research and hack and analyze the research into a
format that is more practical and user-friendly. By reading through Body Language Project, you
will gain the most useful and practical information derived from the resources listed below.
I am grateful for the contributions that these scientists have made toward the study of nonverbal
communication and nonverbal behaviour: body language.
-A-
Abe, N., M. Suzuki, E. Mori, M. Itoh, and T. Fujii. 2007. Deceiving others: distinct neural responses of
the prefrontal cortex and amygdale in simple fabrication and deception with social interactions. Journal
of Cognitive Neuroscience 19: 287-295.
Adolphs, Ralph A. 2006. Landmark study finds that when we look at sad faces, the size of the pupil we
look at influences the size of our own pupil Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. 1(1): 3-4
Akehurst, L., G. Kohnken, A. Vrij, and R. Bull. 1996. Lay persons’ and police officers’
beliefs regarding deceptive behaviour. Applied Cognitive Psychology 10: 461-471.
Aiello, J. 1977. A further look at equilibrium theory. Visual interaction as a function of
interpersonal distance. Environmental Psychology & Nonverbal Behavior, 1: 122-140.
Andrea Kleinsmith P. Ravindra De Silva Nadia Bianchi-Berthouze. 2006. Cross-cultural differences in
recognizing affect from body posture. Source: Interacting with computers. 18 (6): 1371 -1389
Ashton-James, C., R. B. van Baaren, T. L. Chartrand, J. Decety, and J. Karremans. 2007. Mimicry and
me: the impact of mimicry on self-construal. Social Cognition 25 (4): 518-535.
Appelbaum, P.S. The new lie detectors: Neuroscience, deception, and the courts. Psychiatric Services.
2007. 58: 460-462.
Argyle, M. 1988. Bodily communication (2nd ed.). London: Methuen.
Argyle, Michael; Lefebvre, Luc; Cook, Mark 1974. The meaning of five patterns of gaze.
European Journal of Social Psychology. 4(2): 125-136.
Argyle, M., and Ingham, R. 1972. Gaze, mutual gaze, and proximity. Semiotica, 1, 32–49.

Argyle, M. The Psychology of Interpersonal Behaviour. London: Penguin Books, 1967.
Argyle, M. and Cook, M. Gaze and Mutual Gaze. London: Cambridge University Press, 1976.
Anat Rafaeli; Jane Dutton; Celia V Harquail; Stephanie Mackie-Lewis. Navigating by attire: The use of
dress by female administrative employees. Academy of management journal. 1997. 40 (1): 9-45.
Allan Mazur; Eugene Rosa; Mark Faupel; Joshua Heller; Russell Leen; Blake Thurman. Physiological
Aspects of Communication Via Mutual Gaze. The American Journal of Sociology. 1980; 86(1): 50-74.
Aziz-Zadeh L, Iacoboni M, Zaidel E, Wilson S, Mazziotta J. 2004. Left hemisphere motor facilitation
in response to manual action sounds. European Journal of Neuroscience, 19 (9): 2609–2612.
-B-
Barber N. 1995. The evolutionary psychology of physical attractiveness: sexual selection and human
morphology. Ethology and Sociobiology 16: 395-424.
Buss, D. M. 1988. The evolution of human intrasexual competition: tactics of mate attraction. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology 54: 616-628.
Benedict, M. E., and J. Hoag. 2004. Seating location in large lectures: are seating preferences or
location related to course performance? Journal of Economic Education 35 (3): 215.
Buss, D.M. 1989. Sex differences in human mate preferences: evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37
cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 12: 1-49.
Breed, G., Christiansen, E., & Larson, D. 1972. Effect of lecturer’s gaze direction upon
teaching effectiveness. Catalog of Selected Documents in Psychology, 2: 115.
Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J., Redmond, M.V. 2008. Interpersonal Communication: 5th Edition. Boston,
MA: Pearson Education.
Bailenson, J. N. & Yee, N. 2005. Digital Chameleons: Automatic assimilation of nonverbal gestures in
immersive virtual environments. Psychological Science, 16: 814-819.
Bailenson, J.N. & Yee, N. (in press). Virtual interpersonal touch: Haptic interaction and copresence in
collaborative virtual environments. International Journal of Multimedia Tools and Applications.
Becker, F. D., R. Sommer, J. Bee, and B. Oxley. 1973. College classroom ecology. Sociometry 36 (4):
514-525.
Beatrice de Gelder. 2006. Towards the neurobiology of emotional body language. Source: Nature
reviews. Neuroscience. 7 (3): 242 -249.
Birdwhistell, R. L. 1970. Kinesics and context. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press.
Bard, Kim A; Myowa-Yamakoshi, Masako; Tomonaga, Masaki; Tanaka, Masayuki; Costall, Alan;
Matsuzawa, Tetsuro. 2005. Group Differences in the Mutual Gaze of Chimpanzees (Pan Troglodytes).
Developmental Psychology. 41(4): 616-624.
Brooks, C. I., Church, M. A., & Fraser, L. 1986. Effects of duration of eye contact on judgments of
personality characteristics. Journal of Social Psychology. 126: 71–78.
Bradley, Margaret M; Codispoti, Maurizio; Sabatinelli, Dean; Lang, Peter J. 2001. Emotion and
motivation II: Sex differences in picture processing Emotion. 1(3): 300-319
Brandt, David R. 1980. A systemic approach to the measurement of dominance in human face-to-face
interaction Source: Communication quarterly. 28 (1):31-43.
Bressler, Eric R.; Balshine, Sigal 2006. The influence of humor on desirability.

Evolution and Human Behavior. 27(1): 29-39.
Bressler, E.R.; Martin, R.A.; Balshine, S. 2006. Evolution and Human Behavior. Production and
appreciation of humor as sexually selected traits. 27 (2):
Blairy, S., P. Herrera, and U. Hess. 1999. Mimicry and the judgment of emotional facial expressions.
Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 23 (1): 5-41.
Burgress R. and C. Baldassarre. 2006. Ultimate guide to poker tells: devastate opponents by reading
body language, table talk, chip moves, and much more. Chicago, Triumph Books.
Brown, Clifford E.; Dovidio, John F.; Ellyson, Steve L. 1990. Reducing Sex Differences in Visual
Displays of Dominance: Knowledge is Power. Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin. 16(2): 358-
368.
Burg, A. 1968. Lateral visual field as related to age and sex. Journal of Applied Psychology. 52: 10–15.
Brockner, J; B. Pressman, J. Cabitt and P. Moran. 1982. Nonverbal intimacy, sex, and compliance: A
field study, Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 6: 253–258.
Barry, Patrick L., 2007. Talk to the Hand. Science News. 171 (18):
Bohm. 1997. Effects of interpersonal touch, degree of justification, and sex of participant on
compliance with a request. The Journal of social psychology. 137: 460-469.
-C-
Cashdan, E. 1993. Attracting mates: Effects of paternal investment on mate attraction strategies.
Ethology and Sociobiology 14: 1-24.
Cameron C., S. Oskamp, and W. Sparks. 1978. Courtship American style: newspaper advertisements.
Family Coordinator 26: 27-30.
Caso, L., A. Gnisci, A. Vrij, and S. Mann. 2005. Processes underlying deception: an empirical analysis
of truth and lies when manipulating the stakes. Journal of Investigative Psychology and Offender
Profiling 2 (3): 195-202.
Cook, Mark. 1970. Experiments on orientation and proxemics. Human Relations 23 (1): 61-76.
Cooper, L. 1976. Mirroring: One vehicle to organizational clarity. International Journal Of Social
Psychiatry 22 (4): 288-295.
Chowdhary, U. 1988. Instructor’s attire as a biasing factor in students’ ratings of an instructor. Clothing
& Textiles Research Journal 6 (2): 17-22.
Chartrand, T. L. and V. Jefferis. 2003. Consequences of automatic goal pursuit and the case of
nonconscious mimicry. In J. P. Forgas, K. D. Williams and W. von Hippel (Eds.) Responding to the
social world: implicit and explicit processes in social judgments and decisions (290-305). Philadelphia,
Psychological Press.
Chartrand, T. L. and J. A. Bargh. 1999. The chameleon effect: the perception-behavior link and social
interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 76: 893-910.
Cahoon, DD; Edmonds, EM 1989. Male-Female Estimates Of Opposite-Sex 1st Impressions
Concerning Females Clothing Styles Bulletin of the psychonomic society. 27(3): 280-281.
Chaplin William F.; Phillips Jeffrey B; Brown Jonathan D.; Clanton Nancy R.; Stein Jennifer L.; 2000.
Handshaking, gender, personality, and first impressions Journal of personality and social psychology.
79(1): 110-117.

Coreen Farris; Teresa A. Treat; Richard J. Viken; and Richard M. McFall. 2008. Perceptual
Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent Psychological
Science. 19(4):
Cunningham, M. R., Roberts, A. R., Barbee, A. P., Druen, P. B., & Wu, C. 1995. Their
ideas of beauty are, on the whole, the same as ours: Consistency and variability in the
cross-cultural perception of female physical attractiveness. Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology, 68: 261–279.
Cunningham, M. R. 1986. Measuring the physical in physical attractiveness: Quasiexperiments on the
sociobiology of female facial beauty. Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology, 50: 925–935.
Carney, Dana R.; Hall, Judith A. LeBeau, Lavonia Smith Beliefs about the nonverbal expression of
social power Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 2005. 29(2):105.
Chang, Yanrong 2006. Nonverbal Communication in Friends.. Communication Teacher, 20(4): 97-99.
Carroll E. 1994. Innate and universal facial expressions: Evidence from developmental and crosscultural
research Izard, Psychological Bulletin. 115(2): 288-299.
Clements, A. M.; Rimrodt, S. L.; Abel, J. R.; Blankner, J. G.; Mostofsky, S. H.; Pekar, J. J.; Denckla,
M. B.; Cutting, L. E. Sex Differences in Cerebral Laterality of Language and Visuospatial Processing.
Brain and Language. 2006. 98 (2): 150-158.
Crusco, A. and C. Wetzel. 1984. The midas touch: the effects of interpersonal touch on restaurant
tipping, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 10: 512–517.
-D-
Daniel, R. 1992. An effect of seating location on course achievement: Comment on Brooks and Rebeta.
Environment and Behavior 24(3): 396-399.
Daigen, V. and J. G. Holmes. 2000. Don’t interrupt! A good rule for marriage. Personal Relationships 7
(2): 185-201.
Davidson, R. J. & Irwin, W. 1999. The functional neuroanatomy of emotion and affective style. Trends
Cogn. Sci. 3: 11–21.
Davis 1978. Camera Eye-Contact by the Candidates in the Presidential Debates of 1976 Source: The
journalism quarterly. 55 (3): 431 -437.
Darwin, C. 1965. The expression of the emotions in man and animals. Chicago: University of Chicago
Press. (Original work published 1872)
David Lambert. 2008. Body Language 101. Skyhorse publishing. New York, NY.
Denise Dellarosa Cummins. 1996. Dominance Hierarchies and the Evolution of Human Reasoning.
Minds and machines. 6 (4): 463-480.
DePaulo, B. M., J. J. Lindsay, B. E. Malone, L. Muhlenbruck, K. Charlton, and H. Cooper. 2003. Cues
to deception. Psychological Bulletin 129: 74-118.
DePaulo, B. M., & Kashy, D. A. (1998). Everyday lies in close and casual relationships. Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology. 74: 63–79.
DePaulo, B. M., Kashy, D. A., Kirkendol, S. E., Wyer, M. M., & Epstein, J. A. (1996). Lying in
everyday life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 70: 979–995.
Dindia, K. 1987. The effects of sex of subject and sex of partner on interruptions. Human

Communication Research. 13 (3): 345-371.
Dimitrus, J. and M. Mazzerella. 1998. Reading people: how to understand people and predict their
behavior – anytime, anyplace. New York, Random House.
Davidio, F.M. Brown C.E. Heltman, K. Ellyson, S.L. and Keating, C.F. 1988. Power Displays between
Women and Men in Discussion of Gender-linked Tasks: A Multichannel Study, Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology 55: 580-7.
Duncan, W.J., Smeltzer, L.R. & Leap, T.L. Humor and work: Applications of joking behavior to
management. Journal of Management, 1990. 16: 255–78.
Duncan, S. Jr. 1972. Some signals and rules for taking speaking turns in conversation, Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology. 23(2): 283-292.
Desmond Morris. Peoplewatching: The Desmond Morris Guide to Body Language. Published 2002 by
Vintage
Dovidio JF, Ellyson SL, Keating CF, Heltman K, Brown CE. 1988. The relationship of social power to
visual displays of dominance between men and women. Source: Journal of personality and social
psychology. 54: 233-42.
Dilts, R.B., Grinder, J., Bandler, R., & DeLozier, J. 1979. Neuro-linguistic programming L Cupertino,
CA: Meta Publications.
Doohan, E. 2007. Listening behaviors of married couples: An exploration of nonverbal presentation to
a relational outsider. International Journal of Listening, 21 (1): 24-41.
Danielle Jackson, Erika Engstrom and Tara Emmers-Sommer. 2007. Think Leader, Think Male and
Female: Sex vs. Seating Arrangement as Leadership Cues. Sex Roles. 57 (9/10): 713-723.
-E-
Elaad, E. 2003. Effects of feedback on the overestimated capacity to detect lies and the underestimated
ability to tell lies. Applied Cognitive Psychology 17(3): 349-363.
Edelstein, R. S., T. L. Luten, P. Ekman, and G. S. Goodman. 2006. Detecting lies in children and adults.
Law and Human Behavior 30(1): 1-10.
Edmonds, Ed M.; Cahoon, Delwin D.; Hudson, Elizabeth 1992. Male-female estimates of feminine
assertiveness related to females’ clothing styles. Bulletin of the Psychonomic Society. 30(2): 43-144.
Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I. 1989. Human ethology. Hawthorne, NY: Aldine de Gruyter.
Ekman, Paul and W. Friesen. 1969. “The repertoire of nonverbal behavior. Categories, origins, usage,
and coding.” Semiotica (1): 49-98.
Ekman, Paul. 1994. Strong evidence for universals in facial expressions: A reply to Russell’s mistaken
critique Psychological Bulletin. 115(2): 268-287.
Ekman, Paul. 1986. A new pan-cultural facial expression of emotion. Source: Motivation and Emotion
Ekman. 10(2): 159-168.
Ekman, Paul and Friesen, W. V. 1987. Universals and cultural differences in the judgments of facial
expressions of emotion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 53(4): 712-717.
Ekman. 1982. Felt, false, and miserable smiles. Journal of nonverbal behavior. 6(4): 238-258.
Ekman, Paul; Friesen, Wallace V. 1974. Detecting deception from the body or face
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 29(3): 288-298.

Ekman, Paul; Friesen, Wallace V. 1971. Constants across cultures in the face and emotion. Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology. 17(2): 124-129.
Ekman, Paul. 1972. Universals and cultural differences in facial expressions of emotion. In J. Cole
(Ed.), Nebraska Symposium on Motivation, 1971. 19: 207-282. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press.
Ekman, Paul. 1996. Why Don’t We Catch Liars? 63(3):
Ekman, Paul; O’Sullivan, Maureen. 1991. Who can catch a liar? American Psychologist. Vol 46(9):
913-920.
Ekman, Paul; Davidson, Richard J and Friesen, Wallace V. 1990. The Duchenne smile: Emotional
expression and brain physiology: II . Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 58(2): 342-353.
Estow, S., J. P. Jamieson, and J. R. Yates. 2007. Self-monitoring and mimicry of positive and negative
social behaviors. Journal of Research in Personality 41 (2): 425-433.
Ellsworth, Phoebe; Carlsmith, J Merrill. 1973. Eye contact and gaze aversion in an aggressive
encounter. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 28(2): 280-292.
Eric Berne. Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Ballantine Books.
1996.
-F-
Firestone, Shulamith. 1977. The dialectic of sex: the case for feminist revolution. London: Cape.
Foddy, Margaret 1978. Patterns of Gaze in Cooperative and Competitive Negotiation
Human Relations. 31(11):925-938.
Fugita, Stephen S.; Hogrebe, Mark C.; Wexley, Kenneth N. 1980. Perceptions of Deception: Perceived
Expertise in Detecting Deception, Successfulness of Deception and Nonverbal Cues. Personality And
Social Psychology Bulletin. 6(4): 637-643.
Forsythe, S., M. F. Drake, and C. E. Cox. 1985. Influence of applicant’s dress on interviewer’s
selection decisions. Journal of Applied Psychology 70 (2): 374-378.
Forsythe, S. M. 1990. Effect of applicant’s clothing on interviewer’s decision to hire.
Journal of Applied Social Psychology 20 (19, 1): 1579-1595.
Forsythe, S. M., M. F. Drake, and C. A. Cox Jr. 1984. Dress as an influence on the perceptions of
management characteristics in women. Home Economics Research Journal 13 (2): 112-121
Forgas. J.P., O’Connor, K.V., and Morris, S.L. 1983. Smile and punishment: The effect of facial
expression on responsibility attribution by groups and individuals. Personality and Social Psychology
Bulletin, 9: 587-596.
Fulcher, J. S. “Voluntary” facial expression in blind and seeing children. Archives of Psychology, 1942.
38: 272.
Frank, M.G; Ekman, P; Friesen, W. V. 1993. Behavior markers and reconcilability of the smile of
enjoyment. Journal of personality and social sychology. 64 (1): 83-93.
Friesen, W. V. 1972. Cultural differences in facial expressions in a social situation: An experimental test
of the concept of display rules. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, University of California, San
Francisco.
Field, T. 2001. Touch. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
Fatt, J. P. T. 1998. Nonverbal Communication and Business Success. Management Research News

21(4): 1-10.
Frank M.G. and Ekman P. 1997. The ability to detect deceit generalizes across different types of highstake
lies. Source: Journal of personality and social psychology. 72: 1429 -39
Fisher, J; Rytting, M and Heslin, R. 1976. Hands touching hands: affective and evaluative effects on
interpersonal touch, Sociometry 39: 416–421.
-G-
Gangestad, S. W., J. A. Simpson, A. J. Cousins, C. E. Garver-Apgar, and P. N. Christensen. 2004.
Women’s preferences for male behavioral displays change across the menstrual cycle. Psychological
Science 15: 203-207.
Gangestad, S. W., R. Thornhill, and C. E. Garver-Apgar. 2005. Adaptations to ovulation: implications
for sexual and social behavior. Current Directions in Psychological Science 14 (6): 312-316.
Gangestad, S.W., Thornhill, R., Garver, C., 2002. Changes in women’s sexual interests and their
partners’ mate retention tactics across the menstrual cycle: Evidence for shifting conflicts of interest.
Proc. R. Soc. London, B 269: 975–982.
Gangestad, S.W., Thornhill, R., Garver-Apgar, C.E., 2005a. Adaptations to ovulation. In: Buss, D.M.
(Ed.), The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology. John Wiley and Sons, Hoboken, NJ, 344–371.
Gangestad, S.W., Thornhill, R., Garver-Apgar, C.E., 2005b. Women’s sexual interests across the
ovulatory cycle depend on primary partner fluctuating asymmetry. Proc. R. Soc. London, B 272: 2023–
2027.
Gallese, V., Fadiga, L., Fogassi, L. & Rizzolatti, G., 1996. Action recognition in the premotor cortex.
Brain, 119: 593-609.
Gallese, V. & Goldman, A., (1998). Mirror neurons and the simulation theory of mind-reading. Trends
in Cognitive Sciences. 12: 493-501.
Gordon, A. K. and A. G. Miller. 2000. Perspective differences in the construal of lies: is deception in
the eye of the beholder? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 26 (1): 46-55.
Gurung, R. A. R. and C. J. Chrouser. 2007. Predicting objectification: do provocative clothing and
observer characteristics matter? Sex Roles: A Journal of Research 57 (1-2): 91-99.
Greenberg, J. 1976. The role of seating position in group interaction: a review, with applications for
group trainers. Group & Organization Management 1 (3): 310-327.
Gregory H. and M. Karinch. 2007. I can read you like a book: how to spot the messages and emotions
people are really sending with their body language. Franklin Lakes, Career Press.
Grammer, K., & Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I. 1990. The ritualisation of laughter. In W. Koch (Ed.), Naturalichkeit
der Sprache un der Kultur: Acta colloquii 192–214.
Grimshaw, Gina M.; Bulman-Fleming, M. Barbara; Ngo, Cam 2004. A signal-detection analysis of sex
differences in the perception of emotional faces. Brain and Cognition. Vol 54(3): 248-250.
Gilliam, Harold V. B.; Van Den Berg, Sjef. 1980. Different Levels of Eye Contact: Effects on Black and
White College Students. Urban Education. 15 (1): 83-92.
Grinder, J., DeLozier, J. and Bandler, R., 1977 Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H.
Erickson, M.D. Vol. II
Goldman. 1980. Effect of Eye Contact and Distance on the Verbal Reinforcement of Attitude. The

Journal of social psychology 111(1): 73 -78.
Greene 1979. Title: Need-Fulfillment and Consistency Theory: Relationships Between Self-Esteem and
Eye Contact. Source: Western journal of speech communication. 43(2): 123 -133.
Galin, D. and Ornstein, R., 1974. Individual Differences in Cognitive Style – Reflective Eye
Movements; Neuropsychologia, 12: 376-397.
Guéguen, N. and C. Jacob, 2005. The Effect of touch on tipping: an evaluation in a French’s bar,
International Journal of Hospitality Management 24: 295–299.
Guéguen, N and C. Jacob 2006, Touch and consumer behavior: A new experimental evidence in a field
setting, International Journal of Management 23: 24–33.
Graziano, Michael S.A. Cooke, Daylan, F. 2006. Pariieto-frontal Interactions, Personal Space, and
Defensive Behavior. Neuropsychologia. 44: 845-59.
Glenn E. Weisfeld and Jody M. Beresford. 1982. Erectness of posture as an indicator of dominance or
success in humans. Motivation and Emotion. 6(2):113 -131.
-H-
Hall. J.A. 1978. Gender effects in decoding nonverbal cues. Psychological Bulletin, 85: 845-857.
Hall. J.A. 1984. Nonverbal sex differences: Communication accuracy and expressive style. Baltimore:
The Johns Hopkins University Press.
Hall, J. A. 2006.Nonverbal Behavior, Status, and Gender: How Do We Understand Their Relations.
Psychology of Women Quarterly; 30(4): 384-391.
Hall, Edward, T. 1959. The silent language. New York: Doubleday.
Hall, Edward,T.. The Silent Language, Greenwich, CT: Fawcett, 1959.
Hall, Edward, T. The Hidden Dimension, Garden City, NJ: Doubleday, 1966.
Hamel, R. F (1974). Female subjective and pupillary reactions to nude male and female figures. Journal
of Psychology. 87: 171-175.
Halpern, D. F.; Camilla P. Benbow, David C. Geary, Ruben C. Gur, Janet Shibley Hyde, Morton Ann
Gernsbacher. 2007. The science of sex differences in science and mathematics. Psychological science
in the public interest. 8(1): 1-51.
Hatch, M.J. 1997 Irony and the social construction of contradiction in the humor of a management
team. Organization Science. 8: 275–88.
Havlicek, J., S. C. Roberts, and J. Flegr. 2005. Women’s preference for dominant male odour: effects of
menstrual cycle and relationship status. Biology Letters 1(3): 256-259.
Haselton, M. G., M. Mortezaie, E. G. Pillsworth, A. Bleske-rechek, and D. A. Frederick. 2007.
Ovulatory shifts in human female ornamentation: near ovulation, women dress to impress. Hormones
and Behavior. 51(1): 40-45.
Harper, Robert G., Arthur N. Wiens and Joseph D. Matarazzo. Nonverbal communication: The State of
the Art. Wiley Series on Personality Processes. New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1978.
Harrison, Neil A.; Wilson, C. Ellie; Critchley, Hugo D. 2007. Processing of observed pupil size
modulates perception of sadness and predicts empathy. Emotion. 7(4): 724-729.
Henley, N., 1977. “Body Politics: power, sex and nonverbal communication, prentice hall, new jersey.

Hecht, M.A. and LaFrance, M. 1988. License or obligation to smile: The effect of power and gender on
amount and type of smiling. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 24: 1326-1336.
Hasegawa, T. and K. Sakaguchi. 2006. Person perception through gait information and target choice for
sexual advances: comparison of likely targets in experiments and real life. Journal of Nonverbal
Behavior 30(2): 63-85.
Hess, E. H., & Polt, J. M. (1960). Pupil size as related to the interest value of visual stimuli. Science,
132: 349-350.
Hess, E. H. 1965. Attitude and pupil size. Scientific American, 212 (4): 46–54.
Hess, E. H. 1975. The role of pupil size in communication. Scientific American. 233(5): 110–119.
Hertenstein, Matthew J; Keltner, Dacher; App, Betsy; Bulleit, Brittany A; Jaskolka, Ariane R 2006.
Touch Communicates Distinct Emotions. Emotion. 6(3): 528-533
Hediger, Heini 1955. Studies of the psychology and behaviour of captive animals in zoos and circuses.
Butterworths Scientific Publications
Holdaway, S. Blue jokes: Humour in police work. In C. Powell & G.E.C. Paton (Eds),
Humour in society: Resistance and control. Houndsmills: Macmillan, 1988, 106–22.
Hermans, E. J., P. Putman, and J. van Honk. 2006. Testosterone administration reduces empathetic
behavior: a facial mimicry study. Psychoneuroendocrinology 31(7): 859-866.
Hensley, W. E. 1982. Professor Proxemics: personality and job demands as factors of faculty office
arrangement. Environment and Behavior 14(5): 581-591.
Hocking. 1985. Eye contact contrast effects in the employment interview. Communication research
reports 2(1): 5-10.
Hornik, J 1992. Tactile stimulation and consumer response, Journal of Consumer Research 19: 449–
458.
Hornik, J.1992. Effects of physical contact on customers’ shopping time and behavior, Marketing
Letters. 49–55.
Howells, L. T. and S. W. Becker. 1962. Seating arrangement and leadership emergence.
The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 64(2): 148-150.
Irwin Silverman, Jean Choi, and Michael Peters. 2007. The hunter-gatherer theory of sex differences in
spatial abilities: Data from 40 countries. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 36 (2): 261-268.
-I-
-J-
James A. Coan; Hillary S, Schaefer; and Richard J. Davidson. 2006. Lending a Hand. Social
Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat. Association for Psychological Science
Jardin, R., and Martin, N. G. 1983. Spatial ability and throwing accuracy. Behavior Genetics. 13: 331–
340.
Janisse, Michel Pierre. 1973. Pupil Size and Affect: A Critical Review of the Literature Since 1960.
Canadian Psychologist Psychologie Canadienne. 14(4): 311-329.
James A. Russell, Naoto Suzuki and Noriko Ishida. 1993. Canadian, Greek, and Japanese freely
produced emotion labels for facial expressions. Motivation and Emotion. 17(4): 337 -351
Jeffrey D. Fisher; Marvin Rytting; Richard Heslin. 1976. Hands Touching Hands: Affective and

Evaluative Effects of an Interpersonal Touch. Sociometry, 39(4): 416-421.
Julius F. 1977. The body language of sex, power, and aggression. New York, M. Evans and Company
Inc.
Joe Navarro. 2008. What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People.
William Morrow Paperbacks.
Joseph, R. 2000. The evolution of sex differences in language, sexuality, and visual-spatial skills.
Archives of Sexual Behavior. 29(1): 35-66.
John F. Dpvidio, Karen Heltman, Clifford E. Brown, Steve L. Ellyson, Caroline F. Keating. 1988.
Power Displays Between Women and Men in Discussions of Gender-
-K-
Kansaku, K., & Kitazawa, S. 2001. Imaging studies on sex divergences in the lateralization of
language. Neuroscience Research. 41: 333–337.
Kaufman, D. and J. Mahoney. 1999 The effect of waitresses’ touch on alcohol consumption in dyads,
The Journal of Social Psychology 139: 261–267.
Kawakami, Kiyobumi; Takai-Kawakami, Kiyoko; Tomonaga, Masaki; Suzuki, Juri; Kusaka, Tomiyo;
Okai, Takashi. 2006. Origins of smile and laughter: a preliminary study. Early Human Development. 82
(1): 61.
Keltner, Dacher; Bonanno, George A. 1997. A study of laughter and dissociation: Distinct correlates of
laughter and smiling during bereavement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 73(4): 687-
702.
Kellerman. 1989. Looking and loving: The effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love. Journal
of Research in Personality. 23(2): 145-161.
Keltner, D., Ekman, P., 2003. Expression of emotion. In: Davidson, R., Scherer, K., Goldsmith, H.
(Eds.), Handbook of Affective Sciences. Oxford University Press, New York, 411–414.
Kelly, Janice R.; Murphy, Julie D.; Craig, Traci Y.; Driscoll, Denise M. 2005. The Effect of Nonverbal
Behaviors Associated with Sexual Harassment Proclivity on Women’s Performance Sex Roles: A
Journal of Research, 53(9-10): 689-701.
Kendon, A. Some Functions of Gaze Direction in Social Interaction. Acta Psychologica. 1967. 32: 1-
25.
Kendon, A. 1994. Do gestures communicate? A review. Research on Language and Social Intraction.
27(3): 175-200.
Klineberg, O. 1938. Emotional expression in Chinese literature. Journal of Abnormal and Social
Psychology. 33: 517-520.
Klineberg, O. 1940. Social psychology. New York: Holt.
Kolakowski, D., & Malina, R. M. 1974. Spatial ability, throwing accuracy and man’s hunting heritage.
Nature. 251: 410–412.
Krumhuber, E., & Kappas, A. (2005). Moving smiles: The role of dynamic components for the
perception of the genuineness of smiles. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 29: 3-24.
Kinsbourne, M., 1972. Eye and Head Turning Indicates Cerebral Lateralization; Science, 179: 539-541.
Kocel, K., et al.,1972. Lateral Eye Movement and Cognitive Mode; Psychon Sci. 27: 223-224.

Knackstedt, G., & Kleinke, C. L. (1991). Eye contact, gender, and personality judgments. Journal of
Social Psychology, 131: 303-304.
Konopacki 1987. Eye Movement Betrays a Prospect’s Inner Feelings Source: Marketing news 21(10):
4.
Krumhuber, E ; Manstead, A.S.R; Kappas, A. 2007. Temporal Aspects of Facial Displays in Person and
Expression Perception: The Effects of Smile Dynamics, Head-tilt, and Gender. Journal of Nonverbal
Behavior. 31: 39-56.
Krannich, C. R. and R. L. Krannich. 2000. Savvy interviewing. Manassas Par, Impact Publications.
Kneidinger, L. M.; Maple, T. L.; Tross, S. A. 2001. Touching behavior in sport: functional components,
analysis of sex differences, and ethological considerations. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 25(1): 43-
62.
Knapp, Mark. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction, New York: Holt,
Rinehart & Winston, 1992.
Kleinke, C. L. 1980. Interaction between gaze and legitimacy of request on compliance in a field
setting. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 5(1): 3-12.
-L-
LaFrance, Marianne, Hecht, M.A., & Levy Paluck, E 2003. The contingent smile: A meta-analysis of
sex differences in smiling. Psychological Bulletin, 129: 305-334.
LaFrance, Marianne. 1995. Why smiles generate leniency.; Hecht, Marvin A
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 21: 207-14.
LaFrance, Marianne 1996. Why do women smile more than men? International Journal of Psychology.
31(3-4): 5042-5042.
LaFrance, Marianne. 2003. The Contingent Smile: A Meta-Analysis of Sex Differences in Smiling
Source: Psychological bulletin. 129(2):305-334.
LaFrance, Marianne. 1979. Nonverbal synchrony and rapport: analysis by the cross-lag panel
technique. Social Psychology Quarterly 42: 66-70.
LaFrance, Marianne. 1982. Posture mirroring and rapport. In M. Davis (Ed.) Interaction rhythms:
periodicity in communicative behavior (279-298). New York, Human Sciences Press, Inc.
LaFrance, Marianne. and W. Ickes. 1981. Posture mirroring and interactional involvement: sex and sex
typing effects. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 5: 139-154.
LaFrance, Marianne 2002. Smile Boycotts and Other Body Politics, Feminism & Psychology. 12
(3):319-323.
Lafrance, Marianne. Smile Boycotts and Other Body Politics. Feminism & Psychology. 2002. 12(3):
319-323.
Lakin, J. L., and T. L. Chartrand. 2003. Using non-conscious behavioral mimicry to create affiliation
and rapport. Psychological Science 14 (4): 334-339.
Lakin, J. L. 2003. The chameleon effect as social glue: evidence for the evolutionary significance of
non-conscious mimicry. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 27 (3): 145-162.
Lawson, Willow 2005. Humor’s Sexual Side. Psychology Today. New York. 38(5): 17-18.
Leeb. 2004. Here’s Looking at You, Kid! A Longitudinal Study of Perceived Gender Differences in

Mutual Gaze Behavior in Young Infants Source: Sex Roles. 50(1-2): 1-14.
Leventhal, G. 1978, Sex and setting effects on seating arrangement. Journal of Psychology. 100: 21-26.
Levine, D. W., E. C. O’neal, S. G. Garwood, and P. J. Mcdonald. 1980. Classroom ecology: the effects
of seating position on grades and participation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 6 (3): 409-
412.
Lewis, David. 1999. The Secret Language Of Success. BBS Publishing Corporation.
Lurie, Alison. The Language of Clothes. (New York, 1981), 3-26.
Lott, D. F. and R. Sommer. 1967. Seating arrangements and status. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 7 (1): 90-95.
Lorenz, K. On aggression. New York: Harcourt, Brace & World, 1966.
Lorenz, K. 1965. Evolution and modification of behavior. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Lieberman, Joel D.; Sales, Bruce D. 2007. In-Court Observations of Nonverbal Behavior. Scientific
jury selection. (pp. 125-142). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association. ix, 261 pp.
Littlepage, Glenn E.; Whiteside, Harold D. 1983. The “Peripheral Cue Shift” Phenomenon: Influence
of Facial Expression and Level of Commission on Attribution of Responsibility Personality And Social
Psychology Bulletin, 9(2): 261-265.
Lynn et al., 1998 M. Lynn, J.M. Le and D. Sherwyn. 1998. Reach out and touch your customers,
Cornell Hotel and Restaurant Administration Quaterly 39: 60-65.
-M-
MacDonald, C., 2004. A Chuckle a Day Keeps the Doctor Away: Therapeutic Humor & Laughter.
Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services 42(3):18-25.
Mann, S., A. Vrij, and R. Bull. 2002. Suspects, lies, and videotape: an analysis of authentic high-stake
liars. Law and Human Behavior 26 (3): 365-376.
Mann, S., A. Vrij, and R. Bull. 2004. Detecting true lies: police officers’ ability to detect suspects’ lies.
Journal of Applied Psychology 89(1): 137-149.
Maddux, W. W., E. Mullen, and A. D. Galinsky. 2008. Chameleons bake bigger pies and take bigger
pieces: strategic behavioral mimicry facilitates negotiation outcomes. Journal of Experimental Social
Psychology 44(2): 461-468.
Manstead, A. and A. Kappas. 2007. Temporal aspects of facial displays in person and expression
perception: the effects of smile dynamics, head-tilt, and gender. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 31(1):
39-56.
Matsumoto. 1987. Cultural similarities and differences in the semantic dimensions of body postures.
Source: Journal of nonverbal behavior. 11(3):166-179.
Martin, Rod A. 2001. Humor, laughter, and physical health: Methodological issues and research
findings Psychological Bulletin. 127(4): 504-519.
Martin, S.E. 1978. Sexual politics in the workplace: The interactional world of policewomen. Symbolic
Interaction. 1 (2): 44-60.
Martin, David John. 1997. Slaughtering a sacred cow: The eyebrow flash is not a universal social
greeting. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering 58(5-B): 2751.
McElroy, J. C., P. C. Morrow, and R. J. Ackerman. 1983. Personality and interior office design:

exploring the accuracy of visitor attributions. Journal of Applied Psychology. 68 (3): 541-544.
McCaskey, M. B. 1979. The hidden messages managers send. Harvard Business Review, Boston. 57
(6): 135.
McAndrew. 1986. Arousal seeking and the maintenance of mutual gaze in same and mixed sex dyads
Source: Journal of nonverbal behavior. 10(3):168-172.
McGhee, Paul E. 1984 Current American Psychological Research on Humor. Jahrbuche fur
Internationale Germanistik 16(2): 37-57.
McClure, Erin B 2000. A meta-analytic review of sex differences in facial expression processing and
their development in infants, children, and adolescents
Psychological Bulletin. 126(3): 424-453.
McClure, E.B. 2000. A meta- analytic review of sex differences in facial expression processing and
their development in infants, children, and adolescents. Psychological Bulletin. 126: 424-453.
Mcguire, Michael T. 1982. Social Dominance Relationships in Male Vervet Monkeys: A Possible
Model for the Study of Dominance Relationships in Human Political Systems.
International Political Science Review. 3(1): 11-32.
Mead, M. 1975. Review of “Darwin and facial expression.” Journal of Communication, 25: 209-213.
Mehrabian, A., Friar, J., 1969. Encoding of attitude by a seated communicator via posture and position
cues. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 33: 330–336.
Mesquita, B., 2003. Emotions as dynamic cultural phenomena. In: Davidson, R., Scherer, K.,
Goldsmith, H. (Eds.), Handbook of Affective Sciences. Oxford University Press, New York, 871–890.
Miles, L. and V. Peace. 2006. Implicit behavioral mimicry: investigating the impact of group
membership. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 30(3): 97-113.
Morrison, K., M. Ferrara, H. S. Park, T. R. Levine, and S. A. McCornack. 2002. How people really
detect lies. Communication Monographs 69(2): 144.
Montello, D. R. 1988. Classroom seating location and its effect on course achievement, participation,
and attitudes. Journal of Environmental Psychology 8(2): 149-157.
Morrow, P. C. and J. C. McElroy. 1981. Interior office design and visitor response: a constructive
replication. Journal of Applied Psychology 66(5): 646-650.
Moore, M. M. and D. L. Butler. 1989. Predictive aspects of nonverbal courtship behavior in women.
Semiotica 76(3/4): 205-215.
Moore, M. M. 2001. Flirting. In C. G. Waugh (Ed.) Let’s talk: A cognitive skills approach to
interpersonal communication. Newark, Kendall-Hunt.
Moore, M. M. 1985. Nonverbal courtship patterns in women: context and consequences. Ethology and
Sociobiology 64: 237-247.
Morris, T. L., J. Gorham, S. H. Cohen, and D. Huffman. 1996. Fashion in the classroom: effects of
attire on student perceptions of instructors in college classes. Communication Education 45(2): 135.
Morris, Desmond. Peoplewatching. London: Vintage, 2002.
Moody, E. J., D. N. McIntosh, L. J. Mann, and K. R. Weisser. 2007. More than mere mimicry? The
influence of emotion on rapid facial reactions to faces. Emotion. 7(2): 447-457.
Middlemist, R. D., E. S. Knowles, and C. F. Matter. 1976. Personal space invasions in the lavatory:

suggestive evidence for arousal. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 33(5): 541-546.
Mobbs, N.A. 1968. Eye-contact in Relation to Social Introversion-Extraversion. British Journal of
Social Clinical Psychology 7: 305-306.
Mulac, A., Studley, L., Wiemann, J., & Bradac, J. 1987. Male/female gaze in same-sex
and mixed-sex dyads. Human Communication Research. 13: 323-343.
Miller, Patrick W. 2005. Body language in the classroom: communication is more than words, and it is
important for teachers and administrators to understand the nonverbal messages they are sending and
receiving in the classroom. Techniques. 80(8): 28.
Michelini, RL, Passalacqua, R., & Cusimano, J. 1976. Effects of seating arrangement on group
participation. Journal of Social Psychology. 99: 179-186.
Norum, G. A., N. J. Russo, and R. Sommer. 1967. Seating patterns and group tasks. Psychology in the
Schools 4(3): 276-280.
Natale, M., E. Entin, and J. Jaffe. 1979. Vocal interruptions in dyadic communication as a function of
speech and social anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 37: 865-878.
Natale, Michael. 1976. A Markovian model of adult gaze behavior. Journal of Psycholinguistic
Research. 5(1): 53-63.
Briton, Nancy J.; Hall, Judith A. 1995. Beliefs about female and male nonverbal communication. Sex
Roles: A Journal of Research, 32(1): 79-90.
Nierenberg, G.I. 1983. Negotiating Strategies and Counterstrategies: How to Develop Win/Win
Techniques. Management Review, 72: 48-49.
Norum, G.A., Russo, N.J., and Sommer, R. 1967. Seating patterns and group tasks. Source: Psychology
in the schools. 4(3): 276-280.
Owren, Michael J.; Bachorowski, Jo-Anne 2003. Reconsidering the evolution of nonlinguistic
communication: the case of laughter Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 27(3): 183-200.
-N-
-O-
-P-
Patrington. 1997. NLP for Business Success: How to Master Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Management Research News. 20(8): 43.
Patterson, Miles L.; Montepare, Joann M. 2007. Nonverbal behavior in a global context dialogue
questions and responses. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 31(3): 167-168.
Panksepp, J. 1998. Affective Neuroscience: The Foundation of Human and Animal Emotions. Oxford
Univ. Press, New York.
Panksepp, J., Burgdorf, J., “Laughing” rats and the evolutionary antecedents of human joy? Physiology
& Behavior (2003) 79: 533-547.
Park, H. S., T. R. Levine, S. A. McCornack, K. Morrison, and M. Ferrara. 2002. How people really
detect lies. Communication Monographs. 69: 144-157.
Parrill, F. and I. Kimbara. 2006. Seeing and hearing double: the influence of mimicry in speech and
gesture on observers. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 30(4): 157-166.
Pease, Barbara and Allan Pease. 2006. The Definitive Book of Body Language Hardcover. Bantam.

Peluchette, J. V., K. Karl, and K. Rust. 2006. Dressing to impress: beliefs and attitudes regarding
workplace attire. Journal of Business and Psychology 21(1): 45-63.
Peterson, Robin T. 2005. An Examination of the Relative Effectiveness of Training in Nonverbal
Communication: Personal Selling Implications. Journal of Marketing Education. 27(2): 143-150.
Penton-Voak, I. S., D. I. Perrett, D. Castles, M. Burt, T. Kobayashi, and L. K. Murray. 1999. Female
preference for male faces changes cyclically. Nature 399: 741-742.
Pillsworth, E. G., M. G. Haselton and D. M. Buss. 2004. Ovulatory shifts in female sexual desire.
Journal of Sex Research. 41: 55-65.
Provine, Robert R. 2005. Yawning: The yawn is primal, unstoppable and contagious, revealing the
evolutionary and neural basis of empathy and unconscious behavior. Source: American Scientist. 93(6):
532-540.
Provine, Robert R. 2005. Yawning. American Scientist. 2005. 93(6): 532-539
Provine, Robert R.. 2000. The laughing species. Natural History. 109(10): 72-76.
Provine, Robert R. 2000. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Scientific American. 283(6): 108-110.
Provine, Robert R. 2000. The science of laughter. Psychology Today. 33(6):
Provine, R. R. 1986. Yawning as a stereotyped action pattern and releasing stimulus. Ethology 72:109-
122.
Provine, R. R. 1992. Contagious laughter: Laughter is a sufficient stimulus for laughs and smiles.
Bulletin of the Psychonomic Society 30: 1- 4.
Provine, R. R. 1993. Laughter punctuates speech: Linguistic, social and gender contexts of laughter.
Ethology 95: 291-298.
Provine, R. R., and K. R. Fischer. 1989. Laughing, smiling, and talking: Relation to sleeping and social
context in humans. Ethology 83: 295-305.
Provine, R. R., and Y. L. Yong. 1991. Laughter: A stereotyped human vocalization. Ethology 89: 115-
124.
Provine, R.R. Contagious yawning and laughing: Everyday imitation and mirror-like behavior.
Behavioral and Brain Science. 28: 142.
Priest, RF; Thein, MT. 2003. Humor appreciation in marriage: Spousal similarity, assortative mating,
and disaffection. Humor-international journal of humor research, 16(1): 63-78.
Phelps, F., Doherty-Sneddon, G., & Warnock Educational Psychology., 27, 91-107. (2006). Functional
benefits of children’s gaze aversion during questioning. British Journal Developmental Psychology. 24:
577-588.
Puts, D.A. 2007. Men’s voices as dominance signals: Vocal fundamental and formant frequencies
influence dominance attributions among men. Source: Evolution and human behavior 28(5): 340-344.
Puts, D.A. 2005. Mating context and menstrual phase affect women’s preference for male voice pitch.
Evolution and Human Behavior 26: 388-397.
Quilliam, Susan. 2004. Body Language: Learn to read and use the body’s secrete signals. Firefly books
Inc.
-Q-
-R-

Raghubir, P. and A. Valenzuela. 2006. Center-of-inattention: position biases in decision-making.
Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes 99 (1): 66-80.
Rogers, W. T. and S. E. Jones. 1975. Effects of dominance tendencies on floor holding and interruption
behavior in dyadic interaction. Human Communication Research I: 113-122.
Roger, D. B. and W. Nesshoever. 1987. Individual differences in dyadic conversational strategies: a
further study. British Journal of Social Psychology 26: 247-754
Roger, D. B. and A. Schumacher. 1983. Effects of individual differences on dyadic conversational
strategies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 45(3): 700-705.
Remland, M. S. and T. S. Jones 1995. Interpersonal Distance, Body Orientation, and Touch: Effects of
Culture, Gender, and Age. Journal of Social Psychology 135(3): 281-297.
Rosenfeld, H., Breck, B., Smith, S., & Kehoe, S. 1984. Intimacy-mediators of the proximity-gaze
compensation effect: Movement, conversational role, acquaintance, and gender. Journal of Nonverbal
Behavior. 8: 235-249.
Rosengrant, T., & McCroskey, J. 1975. The effects of sex and race on proxemic
behavior in an interview setting. The Southern Speech Communication Journal,
40: 408-420.
Russell, James A. 1995. Facial Expressions of Emotion: What Lies Beyond Minimal Universality?
Psychological bulletin. 118(3): 379-391.
Russell, James A. 1994. Is There Universal Recognition of Emotion From Facial Expression? A
Review of the Cross-Cultural Studies. Psychological Bulletin. 115(1): 102-141.
Rutter, D.C; D. C. Pennington, M. E. Dewey and J. Swain. 1984. Eye-contact as a chance product of
individual looking: Implications for the intimacy model of Argyle and Dean. Source: Journal of
nonverbal behavior. 8(4): 250-258.
Riess, M. and P. Rosenfeld. 1980. Seating preferences as nonverbal communication: a selfpresentational
analysis. Journal of Applied Communications Research 8(1): 22.
Richard Tessler and Lisa Sushelsky. 1978. Effects of eye contact and social status on the perception of
a job applicant in an employment interviewing situation. Journal of Vocational Behavior 13(3): 338-
347.
R. Stephen and R. Zweigenhaft. 1986. The effect on tipping of a waitress touching male and female
customers. The Journal of Social Psychology 126 pp. 141–142.
-S-
Schleidt, 1980. Personal odor and nonverbal communication. Ethology and Sociobiology. 1(3): 225-
231.
Scherer, K.R., Wallbott, H.G., Matsumoto, D., Kudoh, T., 1988. Emotional experience in cultural
context: a comparison between Europe, Japan, and the United states. In: Scherer, K.R. (Ed.), Faces of
Emotions. Erlbaum, Hillsdale, NJ.
Scherer,K.R., Johnstone,T., Klasmeyer,G., 2003. Vocal expression of emotion. In: Davidson,R.,
Scherer, K., Goldsmith, H. (Eds.), Handbook of Affective Sciences. Oxford University Press, New
York, pp. 433–456.
Sommer, R. 1965. Further studies of small group ecology. Sociometry 28: 337-348.
Sommer, R. 1967. Small group ecology. Psychological Bulletin 67(2): 145-152.

Sommer, R. 1967. Socifugal space. American Journal of Sociology 72(6): 654-659.
Sommer, R. 1959. Studies in personal space. Sociometry 22: 247-260.
Sommer, R. and R. Hugo. 1958. Social interaction on a geriatrics ward. International Journal of Social
Psychiatry 4(2): 128-133.
Sommer, R. 1967. Classroom ecology. The Journal Of Applied Behavioral Science 3(4): 489-503.
Sporer, S. L. and B. Schwandt. 2007. Moderators of nonverbal indicators of deception: A meta-analytic
synthesis. Psychology, Public Policy, and Law 13: 1-34.
Stromwell, L. A., P. A. Granhag, and S. Landstrom. 2007. Children’s prepared and unprepared lies: can
adults see through their strategies? Applied Cognitive Psychology 21 (4): 457-471.
Sitton, Sarah C; Griffin, Susan T. 1981. Detection of deception from clients’ eye contact patterns.
Journal of Counseling Psychology. 28(3): 269-271.
Stephen, Jolly. 2000. Understanding body language: Birdwhistell’s theory of kinesics Corporate
communications. 5(3): 133-139.
Simons, D.J., and Chabris, C.F. 1999. Gorillas in our midst: Sustained inattentional blindness for
dynamic events. Perception 28: 1059-1074.
Simonet, Versteeg, & Storie 2005 Dog Laughter: Recorded playback reduces stress related behavior in
shelter dogs. 7th International Conference on Environmental Enrichment (2005)
Stephenson, G. M. and B. K. Kniveton. 1978. Interpersonal and interparty exchange: an experimental
study of the effect of seating position on the outcome of negotiations between teams representing
parties in dispute. Human Relations 31(6): 555-566.
Sato, W. and S. Yoshikawa. 2007. Spontaneous facial mimicry in response to dynamic facial
expressions. Cognition 104(1): 1-18
Simone, Pika; Nicoladis, Elena; Marentette, Paula, F. A cross-cultural study on the use of gestures:
Evidence for cross-linguistic transfer? Bilingualism Language and Cognition. 9(3): 319 -327
Sandoval. 2001. Subtle skills for building rapport: using neuro-linguistic programming in the interview
room. FBI law enforcement bulletin. 70(8): 1-635.
Skinner. 2003. Speaking the same language: the relevance of neuro-linguistic programming to effective
marketing communications Source: Journal of Marketing Communications. 9(3): 177-192.
Silverman, I., & Eals, M. 1992. Sex differences in spatial abilities: Evolutionary theory and data. In J.
H. Barkow, L. Cosmides, & J. Tooby (Eds.), The adapted mind: Evolutionary psychology and the
generation of culture (pp. 531–549). New York: Oxford Press.
Smith, D. E., Gier, J. A., & Willis, F. N. 1982. Interpersonal touch and compliance with a marketing
request. Basic and Applied Social Psychology. 3: 35-38.
Strodtbeck Fred L. and L. Harmon Hook 1961. The social dimensions of a twelve-man jury table.
Sociometry. 24(4): 397-415.
Stephen Reysen. 2006. A New Predictor of Likeability: Laughter. North American journal of
psychology. 8(2): 373-382.
Scharlemann, Jorn P. W., Eckel, Catherine C., Kacelnik, Alex, Wilson, Rick K.
2001. The value of a smile: Game theory with a human face. Journal of Economic Psychology. 22(5):
617-640.

Terrion, Jenepher Lennox; Ashforth, Blake E. 2002. From ‘I’ to ‘We’: The Role of Putdown Humor and
Identity in the Development of a Temporary Group
Human Relations. 55(1): 55-88.
Tracy, Jessica L; Robins, Richard W 2008. The nonverbal expression of pride: Evidence
for cross-cultural recognition Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 94(3): 516-530.
Tombs, Selina; Silverman, Irwin 2004. Pupillometry: A sexual selection approach.
Evolution and Human Behavior. 25(4): 221-228.
Tosey, Paul; Mathison, Jane; Michelli, Dena. 2005. Mapping Transformative Learning: The Potential of
Neuro-Linguistic. Journal Of Transformative Education. 3(2): 140-167.
Talwar, Victoria; Lee, Kang . 2002. Development of lying to conceal a transgression: Children’s control
of expressive behaviour during verbal deception International Journal Of Behavioral Development.
26(5): 436-444.
Trice, H.M. and Beyer, J.M. 1993. The cultures of work organizations. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice
Hall.
Thornhill, R. and S. W. Gangestad. 1999. The scent of symmetry: a human pheromone that signals
fitness? Evolution and Human Behavior 20: 175-201.
Thornhill, R., S. W. Gangestad, R. Miller, G. Scheyd, J. McCollough, and M. Franklin. 2003. MHC,
symmetry and body scent attractiveness in men and women (Homo sapiens). Behavioral Ecology 14:
668-678.
Thornhill, R. and S. W. Gangestad. 2003. Evolutionary theory led to evidence for a male sex
pheromone that signals symmetry. Psychological Inquiry 14 (3-4): 318-325.
Turner, L. H., K. Dindia, and J. C. Pearson. 1995. An investigation of female/male verbal behaviors in
same-sex and mixed-sex conversations. Communication Reports 8: 86-96.
Urbaniak, Anthony. Nonverbal communication in selling. SuperVision[Burlington]. 2005. 66(6): 13-15.
Navarro, J. 2003. A four-domain model of detecting deception. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin June:
19-24.
-T-
-U-
-V-
Vargas, M. F. 1986. Louder Than Words: An Introduction to Non-Verbal Communication. Ames, Iowa
State University Press.
van Baaren, R. B., R. W. Holland, K. Kawakami, and A. van Knippenberg. 2003. Mimicry and prosocial
behavior. Psychological Science 15: 71-74.
Van Swol, L. M. 2003. The effects of nonverbal mirroring on perceived persuasiveness, agreement with
an imitator, and reciprocity in a group discussion. Communication Research 30 (4): 461-480.
Van Swol, L. M. 2003. The effects of nonverbal mirroring on perceived persuasiveness, agreement with
an imitator, and reciprocity in a group discussion. Communication Research 30 (4): 461.
Vrij, A. and G. R. Semin. 1996. Lie experts’ beliefs about nonverbal indicators of
deception. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 20: 65-80.
Vrij, A. 1997. Individual differences in hand movements during deception. Source: Journal of

nonverbal behavior. 21: 87-102.
Vrij, A.. 2004. Why professionals fail to catch liars and how they can improve Source: Legal and
Criminological Psychology. 9:159-181.
Vrij, A., S. Mann, and S. Kristen. 2007. Cues to deception and ability to detect lies as a function of
police interview styles. Law and Human Behavior 31 (5): 499-518.
-W-
Watson, N. V., & Kimura, D. 1991. Nontrivial sex differences in throwing and intercepting: Relation to
psychometrically-defined spatial functions. Personality and Individual Differences. 12: 375–385.
Watson KK, Matthews BJ, Allman JM 2007. Brain activation during sight gags and languagedependent
humor. Cereb Cortex 17(2): 314–24.
West, C. and D. H. Zimmerman. 1987. Doing gender. Gender and Society I: 125-151.
Wood, John Andy 2006. NLP revisited: nonverbal communications and signals of trustworthiness.
Journal of Personal Selling & Sales Management. 26(2): 197.
Walker. 1983 The expressive function of the eye flash. Journal of nonverbal behavior. 8(1): 3 -13.
Williams. 1993. Effects of Mutual Gaze and Touch on Attraction, Mood, and Cardiovascular Reactivity
Source: Journal of Research in Personality. 27(2): 170-183.
Willis, F. N., & Hamm, H. K. 1980. The use of interpersonal touch in securing compliance. Journal of
Nonverbal Behavior. 5: 49-55.
Willis, F. 1966. Initial speaking distance as a function of the speaker’s relationship.
Psychonomic Science. 5: 221-222.
Wilson P, R. 1968. Perceptual distortion of height as a function of ascribed academic status. The
Journal of social psychology. 74: 97-97.
NONE
-X-
-Y-
Yeagley, Erin; Morling, Beth; Nelson, Maria 2007. Nonverbal zero-acquaintance accuracy of selfesteem,
social dominance orientation, and satisfaction with life. Journal of Research in Personality.
41(5): 1099-1106.
Yee, N., Bailenson, J.N., Urbanek, M., Chang, F., Merget, D. 2007. The Unbearable Likeness of Being
Digital: The Persistence of Nonverbal Social Norms in Online Virtual Environments. The Journal of
CyberPsychology and Behavior. 10: 115-121.
-Z-
Zajonc, R. B., P. K. Adelmann, S. T. Murphy, and P. M. Niedenthal. 1987. Convergence in the physical
appearance of spouses. Motivation and Emotion 11 (4): 335-346.
Zald, D. H. The human amygdala and the emotional evaluation of sensory stimuli. Brain Res. Brain
Res. Rev. 2003. 41: 88–123.
Zimmerman, D. H. and C. West. 1975. Sex roles, interruptions and silences in conversation. In B.
Thorne and N. Henley (Eds) Language and sex: difference and dominance: 105-129. Rowley, Newbury
House.

Zweigenhaft, R. L. 1976. Personal space in the faculty office: Desk placement and the student-faculty
interaction. Journal of Applied Psychology 61 (4): 529-532.