8_Days__June_1_2017

MOVIES
BY
DOUGLAS TSENG
Baywatch (M18)
STARRING Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra DIRECTED BY Seth Gordon
40
8
I have a major problem with Baywatch and it’s that I
don’t want to review it. Seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it isn’t worth
reviewing. I’m just simply saying, what would be the
point, really? I just to want to chill and revel in the
sun-soaked silliness of a movie that’s based on a
1990s cheesy TV series that had David Hasselhoff
and Pamela Anderson as lifeguards who spend
most of their screen-time running in slow motion.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m numbed
from those go-for-broke extravaganzas with special
effects-heavy, video gamey climactic showdowns.
After a while, they all look the same. And Baywatch
is the perfect mindless getaway to help me detox.
Ten minutes into the screening, I stopped
scribbling notes in the dark. All I had were mental
bullet points. Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron work
well together as mismatched lifeguard buddies.
The girls are hot in their swimsuits. Jon Bass, the
only out-of-shape actor in the movie, is adorkable.
Priyanka Chopra — as the villain — looks like she’s
taking a holiday from Quantico. Plenty of pleasant
DAYS
Looks that
kill: Priyanka
Chopra
is serious
business as
the villain.
distractions and raunchy gags. Plan holiday.
Remember to hit the gym.
Baywatch is a soft drink movie — for two hours,
it’ll help you beat the scorching heat and quench
your thirst. Is it nourishing? Don’t think so. In fact,
you’ll probably forget about it once you’re out of
the cinema. But that’s okay. Life is too short to
deconstruct a movie that's based on a 1990s
cheesy TV series about lifeguards who spend
most of their screen-time running in slow motion.
Everyone has a guilty pleasure and this is mine.
Deal with it.
RATING