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Chihuahuas. Green went on like a scared teenager telling the principal about some bullies that would
get him after school.
Green had always been a rambler and, as Carl soon believed, a weakling. In high school Green’s
classmates had called him “the Gooch.” At the time, young, chubby Green didn’t know what the term
meant and laughed along with the other boys when they referenced him by that nickname. It wasn’t
until years later that he found out that a gooch was the area on a man’s body between his scrotum and
his asshole.
Carl could easily see why the nickname had stuck. After a few minutes of his rambling, Carl
wanted to slap him or tell him to shut the hell up, or both. (Gooch!) Green seemed as nervous as his
three-pound Chihuahuas. Sometimes he whimpered as he spoke to the Marco Polo task force about his
role on the site and about the dreaded Dread Pirate Roberts. At other times he pleaded, “I’m just a
good Mormon boy.”
Eventually, after a couple of hours of questioning, Green’s lawyer (who was apparently the
worst lawyer in Utah) grew bored and decided to leave, noting that his client should just tell the cops
everything he knew. As the lawyer walked out, the Gooch started crying. Carl thought about how
pathetic this man was and how he was everything Carl hated in the world: not tough enough to stand
up for the choices he had made.
At around noon, exhausted from hours of interrogation, they decided to go down to the restaurant
of the Marriott Hotel and grab lunch. As everyone ate, Carl logged on to his laptop as Nob to chat
with DPR and see if he knew more about the man sitting across from him. It was then, as Green sat
eating french fries and trying not to upset his DEA captors, that Dread told Nob what had happened.
One of his employees had stolen some Bitcoins, and he wasn’t happy about it. “Not a ton of money,”
DPR said as they began typing to one another, “but it pisses me off to no end.”
“Who is it and where is he,” Nob wrote back as he looked up from his laptop at the Gooch, who
nervously looked back.
“I’ll send you his ID,” DPR replied.
Nob immediately asked why he had this man’s ID.
“I had him send it to me when I hired him,” Dread wrote back, “for just this kind of situation.”
As Carl chatted with Dread, he played dumb about what had happened with his kilo of cocaine,
but he was also surprised that Green had the audacity to steal $350,000 in Bitcoins shortly after he
had been arrested. “You stole money from DPR?” Carl asked Green, shocked that the Gooch would
do such a thing. Shaun, who had really stolen the money, just watched silently.
“No!” Green replied, panicked. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. I wouldn’t even know how to steal
a penny from him.”
“Just admit it!” Carl yelled. And then Shaun jumped in too. Shaun’s glare was intimidating, with
his narrow, snarly eyes. “Just admit you stole the money!”
“I didn’t!”
“Why are you protecting him?” Carl asked.
“I didn’t do it!” Green sobbed.
During this exchange, a request from the Dread Pirate Roberts popped up on Carl’s computer
screen asking if he knew anyone who could beat Green up and force him to send the money back.
Given that Carl was posing as a big-time drug smuggler, he told DPR that of course he knew people
who could do that kind of work.