The Final Countdown… A Guide for Parents
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<strong>The</strong> ffiinal<br />
countdown...
PREPARING FOR THEIR HOMECOMING<br />
Adjust your expectations<br />
Ask your spouse what he/she wishes upon his/her return to Canada. You may have an idea of what you would like to do; however, your<br />
spouse will also have some expectations regarding his/her return home. We will look at the importance of communication and how to<br />
tackle this topic. For some spouses they will be exhausted and want to be alone; however <strong>for</strong> others it may not bother them as much.<br />
It is important to keep the time change in mind as it can contribute to the stress.<br />
<strong>The</strong> most effective way to alleviate unrealistic expectations is to talk to your spouse about how he/she is feeling.<br />
Be patient<br />
Upon the return of a deployed family member they may require a period of adjustment. Similar to when they left there will be a period<br />
of change within the family. This adjustment period may vary from a few weeks to a few months, each family is unique with how they<br />
adapt.<br />
If you are having a difficult time adjusting there are experts available to assist you. You can find all the contact in<strong>for</strong>mation in the<br />
appendix.<br />
How to Relearn to Function as a Family<br />
It is important to recognize the changes in your families routine when your spouse was deployed and upon their arrival home. <strong>The</strong><br />
deployed family member will experience a period of adjustment while relearning the new schedule and routine of the family. This<br />
adjustment will take time and patience.<br />
In addition, it is also important to remember that when your spouse returns home, he/she has experienced some very difficult living<br />
conditions and situations and it can cause added stress. It is very important to be patient with all family members.<br />
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Accepting and Sharing your Emotions.<br />
It is important to share what you are feeling. Your emotions are bound to surface if you keep all of your feeling locked up inside. It is<br />
important <strong>for</strong> your spouse to know if you are upset that they left, even if it was part of his/her duty. Many people have a hard time<br />
understanding the mission that our loved ones are sent to accomplish.<br />
When your spouse sees all of the changes related to his/her return home it can be difficult. <strong>The</strong>y may feel guilty when wanting to go<br />
visit friends and family that they have not seen <strong>for</strong> awhile; however they must also understand that you have been alone and missed<br />
him/her as well.<br />
<strong>The</strong> worst thing to do is NOT to admit<br />
what you are experiencing.<br />
POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER<br />
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a defence system created by our system and it allows us to face intense situations that have a high<br />
level of stress. This mechanism is not a sign of weakness; it protects us.<br />
<strong>The</strong> symptoms are classified into three categories:<br />
Intrusion: Flash-backs, nightmares, and memories of a traumatic event.<br />
Avoidance: For example, a shell, the person appears to be numb and detached from his/her surroundings and life in general.<br />
Increased arousal: <strong>The</strong> person is on constant alert. It can visible if they are experiencing difficulty sleeping, concentrating,<br />
and feverishness.<br />
Upon your spouses return from a deployment, it is important to pay special attention to any changes in your spouse’s behaviour.<br />
However, you have to keep in mind that some of the changes that your spouse is experiencing are due to their readjustment to<br />
everyday life and not from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.<br />
After a few weeks if you are still noticing alarming behaviour do not hesitate to refer to the available resources in the appendix.<br />
This text is based on the document “Chaînon manquant” from the Centre de la famille Valcartier.<br />
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POSSIBLE REACTIONS BY A MILITARY MEMBER<br />
Extreme fatigue<br />
Isolation<br />
Sleep problems<br />
Irritability<br />
Feeling guilty towards you<br />
Exaggerated startled response or jumpiness<br />
Alcohol consumption or other substance abuse<br />
POSSIBLE REACTIONS FROM YOU<br />
You feel depressed<br />
You are having trouble sleeping or you want to sleep all the time<br />
Your appetite is changing<br />
You want to isolate yourself<br />
People around you tell you that you need help<br />
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MY EXPECTATIONS AND FEELINGS<br />
Use the following lines to answer these questions.<br />
Things about me and at home that have changed since I left.<br />
What are my expectations towards my relationship with my spouse?<br />
What are my expectations towards my spouse’s attitude with our family members?<br />
What are my feelings towards my spouse’s return home?<br />
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DO NOT FORGET :<br />
Tolerance and patience.<br />
Share your experiences.<br />
Do not compare yourself in your stories.<br />
Every family member is unique ; you will not experience the same thing<br />
at the same time.<br />
Communicate together.<br />
Everybody changes with a deployment because we all grow from new experiences.<br />
USEFUL RESOURCES<br />
Name / Organization<br />
Deployment Support Agent<br />
Social worker at the MFRC<br />
Military Padre<br />
Military Social Worker<br />
Member Assistance Program<br />
OSISS Program (peer support)<br />
Info-Social / Info-Santé<br />
Mission In<strong>for</strong>mation line<br />
Phone Number<br />
418 677-7468<br />
418 677-7468<br />
418 677-4000, poste 7350 ou 7349<br />
418 677-4000, poste 7050<br />
1 800 268-7708<br />
1 800 883-6094<br />
811<br />
1 800 866-4546<br />
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NOTES
NOTES<br />
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NOTES<br />
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CRFM Bagotville / MFRC Bagotville<br />
CP. 280 Alouette (Québec) G0V 1A0<br />
418 677-7468 • 418 677-4468<br />
www.crfmbagotville.com<br />
Conception:
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