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Part I: Honing Your Communication Skills
have a family. She loves him and wants the marriage to remain
intact, but she still harbours a desire to be looked after. Living
a financially sound and responsible life is very important to her.
She states her intentions out loud to reinforce them to herself.
Her preparation increases her awareness of her values and
gives her confidence in holding the difficult conversation.
Despite her anxieties about George’s reaction, Karyn tells him
how she feels and that she’s going to get a job to contribute
to the family finances and put that money into a separate
account to protect her earnings. She wants to be looked after
in her marriage but knows that to achieve her goal of financial
security, she has to make that happen herself. In addition to
uncovering her insecurities, by articulating her intentions she
also discovers her strengths.
When Karyn tells George her plans he feels threatened,
because he wants to be able to provide for his family. As he
and Karyn speak, he appreciates Karyn’s clarity and commitment
to the relationship. He also recognises that his strengths
and interests lie in the domestic area of their lives rather than
in working outside the home. He enjoys cooking more than
Karyn does and is happy to run the household while Karyn
re-establishes her career to provide additional income. By
facing their situation together and recognising their individual
strengths and the meaningful and satisfying contributions
they each can make, George and Karyn are able to create an
outcome which satisfies their needs.
Think about how you speak to your staff and employees. If
you speak to them in an angry, irritable and impatient way,
and your orders are conflicting, unclear and contradictory,
you struggle to gain support from your staff. Not only are they
unable to perform at their best for you, they don’t want to.
Now, imagine that you’re a boss who’s clear and confident in
what you expect from your staff. Your instructions are easy to
follow. You’re patient, kind and accepting. Not only are your
staff members keen to help you, but also they want to; they’re
eager to help you achieve your goals.
Sometimes people say ‘you know what I mean?’ in an attempt
to push listeners into deciphering what they mean when in
fact they weren’t being clear. At those times, you can help the
speaker clarify by saying, ‘I’m not sure that I understand your
point. Would you mind rephrasing it for me?’ This technique