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UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when they’re nervous. Olly stalks. “Olly! It’s just a handstand. Against a wall. I’ll be fine.” It’s taken me an hour to convince him to show me how to do one. “You don’t have enough wrist or upper body strength,” he grumbles. “You used that one already. Besides, I’m strong,” I say, and flex a single bicep. “I can bench-press my weight in books.” He smiles a little at that, then mercifully stops stalking. He flicks his rubber band as his eyes scan my body, mentally critiquing my lack of physical fortitude. I roll my eyes as dramatically as possible. “Fine,” he sighs, with equal drama. “Squat.” He demonstrates. “I know what a—” “Concentrate.” I squat down. From across the room he checks my form and instructs me to make adjustments— hands twelve inches apart, arms straight with elbows pressed against my knees, fingertips splayed—until I’m just right. “Now,” he says, “shift your weight forward just slightly until your toes come off the ground.” I shift too far and roll head over heels onto my back. “Huh,” he says, and then presses his lips together. He’s trying not to laugh, but the telltale dimple gives it away. I get back in position. “More shift, less tilt,” he says. “I thought I was shifting.” “Not so much. OK, now. Watch me.” He crouches down. “Hands twelve inches apart, elbows against your knees, fingertips splayed. Then slowly, slowly shift your weight forward onto your shoulders—get those toes off the ground—and then just push yourself up.” He pushes up into the handstand with his usual effortless grace. Again I’m struck by how peaceful he is in motion. This is like meditation for him. His body is his escape from the world, whereas I’m trapped in mine. “Do you want to see it again?” he asks, flowing back to his feet. “Nope.” Overeager, I push forward into my shoulder as instructed, but nothing happens. Nothing happens for about an hour. My lower half remains firmly anchored to the ground while my upper arms burn from the effort. I manage several more unintentional somersaults. By the end all I’ve gotten good at is not yelping as I roll over.
“Take a break?” he asks, still trying not to smile. I growl at him, lower my head, and push forward again into another somersault. Now he’s definitely laughing. I remain flat on my back, catching my breath, and then I’m laughing along with him. A few seconds later I crouch back into a squat. He shakes his head. “Who knew you were this stubborn?” Not me. I didn’t know I was this stubborn. He claps his hands together. “OK, let’s try something new. Close your eyes.” I close them. “Good. Now, pretend you’re in outer space.” With my eyes closed he feels closer, as if he’s right next to me instead of across the room. His voice slides up my neck, whispers into my ear. “See the stars? And that asteroid field? And that lonely satellite going by? There’s no gravity. You’re weightless. You can do anything you want with your body. You just have to think it.” I tilt forward and suddenly I’m upside down. At first I’m not sure I’ve done it. I open and close my eyes a few times, but the world remains inverted. Blood rushes to my head, making me feel heavy and light-headed all at once. Gravity pulls my mouth into a smile and tugs my eyes open. I am wonderfully foreign in my own body. My upper arms begin to wobble. I overtilt from the vertical position and my feet touch the wall. I push off to reverse my direction and fall back into a crouch. “Awesome,” Olly says, clapping. “You even held it for a few seconds. Pretty soon you won’t need the wall at all.” “How about now?” I say, wanting more, wanting to see the world the way he does. He hesitates, about to argue, but then his eyes meet mine. He nods and crouches down to watch. I squat, shift, and push up. I’m unstable almost immediately and begin to fall backward. Olly’s suddenly right next to me, his hands on the bare skin of my ankles, holding me steady. Every nerve in my body migrates to where he touches. The skin under his hand sparks to life, every cell alight with feeling. I feel as if I’ve never been touched before. “Down,” I say, and he gently lowers my legs until they’re back on the ground. I wait for him to move back to his corner, but he doesn’t. Before I can think better of it, I stand up and face him. We’re only three feet apart. I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. I move my eyes slowly up to his. “You OK?” he asks. I mean to say yes, but I shake my head instead. I should move. He should move. He needs to go back to his side of the world, but he doesn’t, and I can see in his eyes that he won’t. My heart beats so loudly that I’m certain he can hear it. “Maddy?” My name is a question and my eyes move to his lips. He reaches out his right hand and grabs my left index finger. His hand is rough, uneven with calluses, and so warm. He rubs his thumb once across my knuckle and then cocoons
- Page 47 and 48: Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
- Page 49 and 50: Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
- Page 51 and 52: Madeline: She must love somebody. I
- Page 53 and 54: Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
- Page 55 and 56: Olly: come to the window Madeline:
- Page 57 and 58: figure is different. This time he
- Page 59 and 60: “Well, if I didn’t know before
- Page 61 and 62: TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
- Page 63 and 64: LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
- Page 65 and 66: “You trying to talk me out of it?
- Page 67 and 68: OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
- Page 69 and 70: he’s still, I can feel the need t
- Page 71 and 72: DIAGNOSIS
- Page 74 and 75: WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
- Page 76 and 77: MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
- Page 78 and 79: NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
- Page 80: TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
- Page 83 and 84: FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
- Page 85 and 86: There are too many inputs to the fo
- Page 87 and 88: SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
- Page 89 and 90: NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
- Page 91 and 92: OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
- Page 93: Olly finds himself getting angry, t
- Page 96 and 97: going to go back to school soon. He
- Page 100 and 101: my finger in the palm of his hand.
- Page 102 and 103: FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
- Page 107 and 108: LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
- Page 110 and 111: HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
- Page 112 and 113: preparing for a bout. He’s trying
- Page 114 and 115: THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
- Page 116 and 117: “That’s enough now,” my mom s
- Page 118 and 119: MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
- Page 120 and 121: MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
- Page 122 and 123: NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
- Page 124 and 125: I stare at the note, remembering th
- Page 126 and 127: HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
- Page 128 and 129: ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
- Page 130 and 131: LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
- Page 132 and 133: THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
- Page 134 and 135: HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
- Page 136 and 137: THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
- Page 138 and 139: “Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
- Page 141 and 142: At first I’m not sure what I’m
- Page 143 and 144: HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
- Page 145 and 146: I reach over and take his hand. “
- Page 147 and 148: eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
“Take a break?” he asks, still trying not to smile.<br />
I growl at him, lower my head, and push forward again into another somersault. Now<br />
he’s definitely laughing.<br />
I remain flat on my back, catching my breath, and then I’m laughing along with him. A<br />
few seconds later I crouch back into a squat.<br />
He shakes his head. “Who knew you were this stubborn?”<br />
Not me. I didn’t know I was this stubborn.<br />
He claps his hands together. “OK, let’s try something new. Close your eyes.”<br />
I close them.<br />
“Good. Now, pretend you’re in outer space.”<br />
With my eyes closed he feels closer, as if he’s right next to me instead of across the<br />
room. His voice slides up my neck, whispers into my ear. “See the stars? And that asteroid<br />
field? And that lonely satellite going by? There’s no gravity. You’re weightless. You can do<br />
anything you want with your body. You just have to think it.”<br />
I tilt forward and suddenly I’m upside down. At first I’m not sure I’ve done it. I open<br />
and close my eyes a few times, but the world remains inverted. Blood rushes to my head,<br />
making me feel heavy and light-headed all at once. Gravity pulls my mouth into a smile<br />
and tugs my eyes open. I am wonderfully foreign in my own body. My upper arms begin<br />
to wobble. I overtilt from the vertical position and my feet touch the wall. I push off to<br />
reverse my direction and fall back into a crouch.<br />
“Awesome,” Olly says, clapping. “You even held it for a few seconds. Pretty soon you<br />
won’t need the wall at all.”<br />
“How about now?” I say, wanting more, wanting to see the world the way he does.<br />
He hesitates, about to argue, but then his eyes meet mine. He nods and crouches down<br />
to watch.<br />
I squat, shift, and push up. I’m unstable almost immediately and begin to fall backward.<br />
Olly’s suddenly right next to me, his hands on the bare skin of my ankles, holding me<br />
steady. Every nerve in my body migrates to where he touches. The skin under his hand<br />
sparks to life, every cell alight with feeling. I feel as if I’ve never been touched before.<br />
“Down,” I say, and he gently lowers my legs until they’re back on the ground. I wait for<br />
him to move back to his corner, but he doesn’t. Before I can think better of it, I stand up<br />
and face him. We’re only three feet apart. I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. I<br />
move my eyes slowly up to his.<br />
“You OK?” he asks.<br />
I mean to say yes, but I shake my head instead. I should move. He should move. He<br />
needs to go back to his side of the world, but he doesn’t, and I can see in his eyes that he<br />
won’t. My heart beats so loudly that I’m certain he can hear it.<br />
“Maddy?” My name is a question and my eyes move to his lips.<br />
He reaches out his right hand and grabs my left index finger. His hand is rough, uneven<br />
with calluses, and so warm. He rubs his thumb once across my knuckle and then cocoons