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WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting that pulls me back down to earth hard. The wanting scares me. It’s like a weed that spreads slowly, just beneath your notice. Before you know it, it’s pitted your surfaces and darkened your windows. I send Olly a single e-mail. I’m really busy this weekend, I say. I need to get some sleep, I say. I need to concentrate, I say. I shut down my computer, unplug it, and bury it under a stack of books. Carla raises a single questioning eyebrow at me. I lower two nonanswering eyebrows back at her. I spend most of Saturday suffering through calculus. Math is my least favorite and worst subject. It’s possible that those two facts are related. By evening I move on to rereading the annotated and illustrated version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I barely notice Carla packing up to leave at the end of the day. “Did you have an argument?” she asks, nodding at my laptop. I shake my head no but don’t say anything more. By Sunday the urge to check my e-mail is acute. I imagine my in-box overflowing with subject-less e-mails from Olly. Is he asking more Fast Five questions? Does he want some company, refuge from his family? “You’re OK,” Carla says on her way out the door that evening. She kisses my forehead, and I’m a little girl again. I take Alice to my white couch and settle in. Carla’s right of course. I am OK, but, like Alice, I’m just trying not to get lost. I keeping thinking about the summer I turned eight. I spent so many days with my forehead pressed against my glass window, bruising myself with my futile wanting. At first I just wanted to look out the window. But then I wanted to go outside. And then I wanted to play with the neighborhood kids, to play with all kids everywhere, to be normal for just an afternoon, a day, a lifetime. So. I don’t check my e-mail. One thing I’m certain of: Wanting just leads to more wanting. There’s no end to desire.
LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MADELINE ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND BY LEWIS CARROLL Spoiler alert: Beware the Queen of Hearts. She’ll have your head.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, c
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C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
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More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
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Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
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THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
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SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
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“Perfect.” My mom peers over my
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STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
Page 23 and 24: ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
Page 27 and 28: THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
Page 29 and 30: NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
Page 31 and 32: I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
Page 33 and 34: The bell rings again. My mom half r
Page 35 and 36: PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
Page 37 and 38: I don’t think Carla has ever said
Page 39 and 40: FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
Page 41 and 42: NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
Page 43 and 44: NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
Page 45 and 46: FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
Page 47 and 48: Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
Page 49 and 50: Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
Page 51 and 52: Madeline: She must love somebody. I
Page 53 and 54: Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
Page 55 and 56: Olly: come to the window Madeline:
Page 57 and 58: figure is different. This time he
Page 59 and 60: “Well, if I didn’t know before
Page 61 and 62: TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
Page 63 and 64: LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
Page 65 and 66: “You trying to talk me out of it?
Page 67 and 68: OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
Page 69 and 70: he’s still, I can feel the need t
Page 71 and 72: DIAGNOSIS
Page 76 and 77: MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
Page 78 and 79: NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
Page 80: TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
Page 83 and 84: FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
Page 85 and 86: There are too many inputs to the fo
Page 87 and 88: SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
Page 89 and 90: NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
Page 91 and 92: OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
Page 93: Olly finds himself getting angry, t
Page 96 and 97: going to go back to school soon. He
Page 98 and 99: UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
Page 100 and 101: my finger in the palm of his hand.
Page 102 and 103: FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
Page 107 and 108: LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
Page 110 and 111: HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
Page 112 and 113: preparing for a bout. He’s trying
Page 114 and 115: THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
Page 116 and 117: “That’s enough now,” my mom s
Page 118 and 119: MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
Page 120 and 121: MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
Page 122 and 123: NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
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I stare at the note, remembering th
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HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
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ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
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LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
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THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
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HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
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THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
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“Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
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At first I’m not sure what I’m
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HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
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I reach over and take his hand. “
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eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
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TTYL
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THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
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MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
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And, too, the world is in me.
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REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
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three meals and two snacks exactly
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eathed the same filtered air for so
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GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
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I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
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ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
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Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
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THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
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ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
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MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•n
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THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
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“Do you believe it?” he asks.
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THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
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My. Heart. Stops.
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RELEASED, PART ONE
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READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
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RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
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Madeline: but mine isn’t
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GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
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LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
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PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
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I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
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FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
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HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
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FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
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question if I have spoken after all
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IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
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PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
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have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
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I should feel compassion. But that
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THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
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“But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
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ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
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THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
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FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
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MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
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FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
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THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
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choices you make and all the choice
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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