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WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting that pulls me back down to earth hard. The wanting scares me. It’s like a weed that spreads slowly, just beneath your notice. Before you know it, it’s pitted your surfaces and darkened your windows. I send Olly a single e-mail. I’m really busy this weekend, I say. I need to get some sleep, I say. I need to concentrate, I say. I shut down my computer, unplug it, and bury it under a stack of books. Carla raises a single questioning eyebrow at me. I lower two nonanswering eyebrows back at her. I spend most of Saturday suffering through calculus. Math is my least favorite and worst subject. It’s possible that those two facts are related. By evening I move on to rereading the annotated and illustrated version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I barely notice Carla packing up to leave at the end of the day. “Did you have an argument?” she asks, nodding at my laptop. I shake my head no but don’t say anything more. By Sunday the urge to check my e-mail is acute. I imagine my in-box overflowing with subject-less e-mails from Olly. Is he asking more Fast Five questions? Does he want some company, refuge from his family? “You’re OK,” Carla says on her way out the door that evening. She kisses my forehead, and I’m a little girl again. I take Alice to my white couch and settle in. Carla’s right of course. I am OK, but, like Alice, I’m just trying not to get lost. I keeping thinking about the summer I turned eight. I spent so many days with my forehead pressed against my glass window, bruising myself with my futile wanting. At first I just wanted to look out the window. But then I wanted to go outside. And then I wanted to play with the neighborhood kids, to play with all kids everywhere, to be normal for just an afternoon, a day, a lifetime. So. I don’t check my e-mail. One thing I’m certain of: Wanting just leads to more wanting. There’s no end to desire.
LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MADELINE ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND BY LEWIS CARROLL Spoiler alert: Beware the Queen of Hearts. She’ll have your head.
- Page 23 and 24: ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
- Page 27 and 28: THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
- Page 29 and 30: NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
- Page 31 and 32: I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
- Page 33 and 34: The bell rings again. My mom half r
- Page 35 and 36: PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
- Page 37 and 38: I don’t think Carla has ever said
- Page 39 and 40: FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
- Page 41 and 42: NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
- Page 43 and 44: NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
- Page 45 and 46: FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
- Page 47 and 48: Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
- Page 49 and 50: Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
- Page 51 and 52: Madeline: She must love somebody. I
- Page 53 and 54: Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
- Page 55 and 56: Olly: come to the window Madeline:
- Page 57 and 58: figure is different. This time he
- Page 59 and 60: “Well, if I didn’t know before
- Page 61 and 62: TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
- Page 63 and 64: LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
- Page 65 and 66: “You trying to talk me out of it?
- Page 67 and 68: OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
- Page 69 and 70: he’s still, I can feel the need t
- Page 71 and 72: DIAGNOSIS
- Page 76 and 77: MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
- Page 78 and 79: NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
- Page 80: TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
- Page 83 and 84: FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
- Page 85 and 86: There are too many inputs to the fo
- Page 87 and 88: SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
- Page 89 and 90: NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
- Page 91 and 92: OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
- Page 93: Olly finds himself getting angry, t
- Page 96 and 97: going to go back to school soon. He
- Page 98 and 99: UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
- Page 100 and 101: my finger in the palm of his hand.
- Page 102 and 103: FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
- Page 107 and 108: LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
- Page 110 and 111: HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
- Page 112 and 113: preparing for a bout. He’s trying
- Page 114 and 115: THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
- Page 116 and 117: “That’s enough now,” my mom s
- Page 118 and 119: MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
- Page 120 and 121: MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
- Page 122 and 123: NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
WONDERLAND<br />
AND IT’S THE wanting that pulls me back down to earth hard. The wanting scares me.<br />
It’s like a weed that spreads slowly, just beneath your notice. Before you know it, it’s<br />
pitted your surfaces and darkened your windows.<br />
I send Olly a single e-mail. I’m really busy this weekend, I say. I need to get some sleep,<br />
I say. I need to concentrate, I say. I shut down my computer, unplug it, and bury it under<br />
a stack of books. Carla raises a single questioning eyebrow at me. I lower two<br />
nonanswering eyebrows back at her.<br />
I spend most of Saturday suffering through calculus. Math is my least favorite and<br />
worst subject. It’s possible that those two facts are related. By evening I move on to<br />
rereading the annotated and illustrated version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I<br />
barely notice Carla packing up to leave at the end of the day.<br />
“Did you have an argument?” she asks, nodding at my laptop.<br />
I shake my head no but don’t say anything more.<br />
By Sunday the urge to check my e-mail is acute. I imagine my in-box overflowing with<br />
subject-less e-mails from Olly. Is he asking more Fast Five questions? Does he want some<br />
company, refuge from his family?<br />
“You’re OK,” Carla says on her way out the door that evening. She kisses my forehead,<br />
and I’m a little girl again.<br />
I take Alice to my white couch and settle in. Carla’s right of course. I am OK, but, like<br />
Alice, I’m just trying not to get lost. I keeping thinking about the summer I turned eight. I<br />
spent so many days with my forehead pressed against my glass window, bruising myself<br />
with my futile wanting. At first I just wanted to look out the window. But then I wanted to<br />
go outside. And then I wanted to play with the neighborhood kids, to play with all kids<br />
everywhere, to be normal for just an afternoon, a day, a lifetime.<br />
So. I don’t check my e-mail. One thing I’m certain of: Wanting just leads to more<br />
wanting. There’s no end to desire.