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PERSPECTIVES<br />
BEFORE CARLA ARRIVES the next morning I spend exactly thirteen minutes in bed<br />
convinced that I am getting sick. It takes her exactly six minutes to un-convince me. She<br />
takes my temperature, blood pressure, heart and pulse rates before declaring that I am<br />
simply lovesick.<br />
“Classic symptoms,” she says.<br />
“I’m not in love. I can’t be in love.”<br />
“And why not?”<br />
“What would be the point?” I say, throwing my hands up. “Me in love would be like<br />
being a food critic with no taste buds. It would be like being a color-blind painter. It would<br />
be like—”<br />
“Like skinny-dipping by yourself.”<br />
I have to laugh at that one. “Exactly,” I say. “Pointless.”<br />
“Not pointless,” she says, and looks at me seriously. “Just because you can’t experience<br />
everything doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experience anything. Besides, doomed love is a<br />
part of life.”<br />
“I’m not in love,” I say again.<br />
“And you’re not sick,” she retorts. “So there’s nothing to worry about.”<br />
*<br />
For the rest of the morning I’m too distracted to read or do homework. Despite Carla’s<br />
reassurances that I’m not getting sick, I find myself paying too close attention to my body<br />
and how it feels. Are my fingertips tingling? Do they usually do that? Why can’t I seem to<br />
catch my breath? How many somersaults can a stomach do before becoming irreparably<br />
knotted? I ask Carla to do an extra check of my vitals, and the results are all normal.<br />
By the afternoon I acknowledge in my head that Carla might be onto something. I<br />
might not be in love, but I’m in like. I’m in serious like. I wander the house aimlessly,<br />
seeing Olly everywhere. I see him in my kitchen making stacks of toast for dinner. I see<br />
him in my living room suffering though Pride and Prejudice with me. I see him in my<br />
bedroom, his black-clad body asleep on my white couch.<br />
And it’s not just Olly that I see. I keep picturing myself floating high above the earth.<br />
From the edge of space I can see the whole world all at once. My eyes don’t have to stop at<br />
a wall or at a door. I can see the beginning and the end of time. I can see infinity from<br />
there.<br />
For the first time in a long time, I want more than I have.