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MY WHITE BALLOON THAT NIGHT, I dream that the house breathes with me. I exhale and the walls contract like a pinpricked balloon, crushing me as it deflates. I inhale and the walls expand. A single breath more and my life will finally, finally explode.
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHEDULE 6:35 AM - Arrives on porch with a steaming cup of something hot. Coffee? 6:36 AM - Stares off into empty lot across the way while sipping her drink. Tea? 7:00 AM - Reenters the house. 7:15 AM - Back on porch. Kisses husband good-bye. Watches as his car drives away. 9:30 AM - Gardens. Looks for, finds, and discards cigarette butts. 1:00 PM - Leaves house in car. Errands? 5:00 PM - Pleads with Kara and Olly to begin chores “before your father gets home.” KARA’S (SISTER) SCHEDULE 10:00 AM - Stomps outside wearing black boots and a fuzzy brown bathrobe. 10:01 AM - Checks cell phone messages. She gets a lot of messages. 10:06 AM - Smokes three cigarettes in the garden between our two houses. 10:20 AM - Digs a hole with the toe of her boots and buries cigarette carcasses. 10:25 AM–5 :00 PM - Texts or talks on the phone. 5:25 PM - Chores. HIS DAD’S SCHEDULE 7:15 AM - Leaves for work. 6:00 PM - Arrives home from work. 6:20 PM - Sits on porch with drink #1. 6:30 PM - Reenters the house for dinner. 7:00 PM - Back on porch with drink #2. 7:25 PM - Drink #3. 7:45 PM - Yelling at family begins.
Page 3 and 4: This is a work of fiction. Names, c
Page 5 and 6: C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
Page 7 and 8: More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
Page 9 and 10: Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
Page 11 and 12: THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
Page 13: SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
Page 19 and 20: “Perfect.” My mom peers over my
Page 21 and 22: STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
Page 23 and 24: ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
Page 27: THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
Page 31 and 32: I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
Page 33 and 34: The bell rings again. My mom half r
Page 35 and 36: PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
Page 37 and 38: I don’t think Carla has ever said
Page 39 and 40: FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
Page 41 and 42: NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
Page 43 and 44: NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
Page 45 and 46: FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
Page 47 and 48: Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
Page 49 and 50: Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
Page 51 and 52: Madeline: She must love somebody. I
Page 53 and 54: Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
Page 55 and 56: Olly: come to the window Madeline:
Page 57 and 58: figure is different. This time he
Page 59 and 60: “Well, if I didn’t know before
Page 61 and 62: TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
Page 63 and 64: LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
Page 65 and 66: “You trying to talk me out of it?
Page 67 and 68: OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
Page 69 and 70: he’s still, I can feel the need t
Page 71 and 72: DIAGNOSIS
Page 74 and 75: WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
Page 76 and 77: MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
Page 78 and 79:
NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
Page 80:
TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
Page 83 and 84:
FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
Page 85 and 86:
There are too many inputs to the fo
Page 87 and 88:
SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
Page 89 and 90:
NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
Page 91 and 92:
OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
Page 93:
Olly finds himself getting angry, t
Page 96 and 97:
going to go back to school soon. He
Page 98 and 99:
UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
Page 100 and 101:
my finger in the palm of his hand.
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FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
Page 107 and 108:
LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
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HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
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preparing for a bout. He’s trying
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THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
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“That’s enough now,” my mom s
Page 118 and 119:
MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
Page 120 and 121:
MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
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NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
Page 124 and 125:
I stare at the note, remembering th
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HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
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ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
Page 130 and 131:
LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
Page 132 and 133:
THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
Page 134 and 135:
HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
Page 136 and 137:
THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
Page 138 and 139:
“Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
Page 141 and 142:
At first I’m not sure what I’m
Page 143 and 144:
HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
Page 145 and 146:
I reach over and take his hand. “
Page 147 and 148:
eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
Page 149 and 150:
TTYL
Page 151 and 152:
THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
Page 153 and 154:
MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
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And, too, the world is in me.
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REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
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three meals and two snacks exactly
Page 161 and 162:
eathed the same filtered air for so
Page 163 and 164:
GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
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I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
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ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
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Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
Page 171 and 172:
THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
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ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
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MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•n
Page 177 and 178:
THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
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“Do you believe it?” he asks.
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THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
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My. Heart. Stops.
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RELEASED, PART ONE
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READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
Page 189 and 190:
RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
Page 191 and 192:
Madeline: but mine isn’t
Page 193 and 194:
GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
Page 195 and 196:
LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
Page 197 and 198:
PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
Page 199 and 200:
I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
Page 201 and 202:
FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
Page 203 and 204:
HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
Page 205 and 206:
FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
Page 207 and 208:
question if I have spoken after all
Page 209 and 210:
IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
Page 211 and 212:
PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
Page 213 and 214:
have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
Page 215 and 216:
I should feel compassion. But that
Page 217 and 218:
THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
Page 219 and 220:
“But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
Page 221 and 222:
ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
Page 223 and 224:
THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
Page 225 and 226:
FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
Page 227 and 228:
MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
Page 235 and 236:
FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
Page 237 and 238:
THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
Page 239:
choices you make and all the choice
Page 242 and 243:
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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