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THIS LIFE
EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Saturday, New York City is just as loud and jam-packed as it’s
famous for being. The streets are filled with honking, slow-moving cars. The sidewalks
teem with people just narrowly missing each other, as if their movements were
choreographed. From the back of the cab I let the noise and smells of the city wash over
me. I open my eyes wide to take in all the world I see.
I didn’t tell Olly what I was up to, just that there was a present waiting for him at a used
book-store close to his house. I imagined our reunion for almost the entire flight. Every
scenario involved us kissing within the first thirty seconds.
The driver drops me off outside of Ye Olde Book Shoppe. I push through the doors.
Right away I know that I will eventually spend a lot of time here.
The store is a small single room with floor-to-ceiling shelves, each overflowing with
books. The room is dimly lit by small penlights attached to each shelf so that books are
just about all you see. The air smells like nothing I’ve ever imagined. It smells old. As if it
has been in this same place for a very long time.
I have fifteen minutes before Olly will be here. I wander the aisles gawking at all the
books. I want to touch them all at once. I want to add my name to all the people who read
them before me. I trace my fingers across the spines. Some are so worn, so well used, that
I can barely make out the titles.
I check the time on my phone. It’s almost time. I make my way to the end of the S–U
aisle and hide. My butterflies have come back.
A minute later, I watch as he walks slowly down the aisle examining the shelves.
His hair has grown in. He has big floppy curls that soften the angles of his face. Also,
he’s not wearing all black. Well, his jeans and sneakers are black, but his T-shirt is gray.
And I think he’s taller somehow.
More than anything I’ve experienced in the last few weeks—saying good-bye to Carla,
leaving home against Dr. Chase’s advice, leaving my mom in her sadness—seeing him
looking so different causes me the most panic.
I don’t know why I expected him to be the same. I’m not.
He takes out his phone to read my instructions again.