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“No. I want to. This is what I want.” He nods and then squeezes his eyes shut, remembering something. “I have to go buy—” I shake my head. “I have some.” “You have some what?” he asks, not catching on. “Condoms, Olly. I have some.” “You have some.” “Yes,” I say, my entire body blushing. “When?” “At the souvenir shop. Fourteen ninety-nine. That place has everything.” He looks at me as if I were a small miracle, but then his smile turns into something more. Then I’m on my back, and his hand is tugging at my dress. “Off. Off,” he says. I scramble to my knees and pull it off over my head. I shiver in the warm air. “You have freckles here, too,” he says, sliding his hand across the tops of my breasts. I look down to confirm and we both laugh. He puts his hand on my bare waist. “You’re all the good things wrapped into one good thing.” “Um, you too,” I say, inarticulate. All the words in my head have been replaced with one —Olly. He pulls his T-shirt off over his head and my body takes over my brain. I run my fingertips over the smooth hard muscles of his chest, dip them into the valleys between them. My lips follow the same path, tasting, caressing. He lies back and keeps himself still, letting me explore, and I kiss my way across the landscape of him down to his toes and back up again. The urge to bite him is irresistible and I don’t resist it. The bite pushes him over the edge and he takes charge. My body burns where he doesn’t touch, and burns where he does. We gather each other up. We are lips and arms and legs and bodies entangled. He raises himself above me and we are wordless, and then we are joined and moving silently. We are joined and I know all of the secrets of the universe.
MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•nite (ˈinfənit) adj. 1. The state of not knowing where one body ends and another begins: Our joy is infinite. [2015, Whittier]
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This is a work of fiction. Names, c
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C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
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More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
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Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
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THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
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SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
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“Perfect.” My mom peers over my
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STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
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ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
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THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
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NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
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I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
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The bell rings again. My mom half r
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PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
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I don’t think Carla has ever said
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FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
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NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
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NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
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FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
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Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
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Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
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Madeline: She must love somebody. I
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Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
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Olly: come to the window Madeline:
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figure is different. This time he
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“Well, if I didn’t know before
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TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
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LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
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“You trying to talk me out of it?
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OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
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he’s still, I can feel the need t
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DIAGNOSIS
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WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
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MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
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NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
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TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
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FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
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There are too many inputs to the fo
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SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
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NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
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OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
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Olly finds himself getting angry, t
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going to go back to school soon. He
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UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
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my finger in the palm of his hand.
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FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
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LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
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HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
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preparing for a bout. He’s trying
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THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
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“That’s enough now,” my mom s
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MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
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MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
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NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
Page 124 and 125: I stare at the note, remembering th
Page 126 and 127: HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
Page 128 and 129: ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
Page 130 and 131: LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
Page 132 and 133: THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
Page 134 and 135: HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
Page 136 and 137: THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
Page 138 and 139: “Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
Page 141 and 142: At first I’m not sure what I’m
Page 143 and 144: HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
Page 145 and 146: I reach over and take his hand. “
Page 147 and 148: eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
Page 149 and 150: TTYL
Page 151 and 152: THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
Page 153 and 154: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
Page 155 and 156: And, too, the world is in me.
Page 157 and 158: REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
Page 159 and 160: three meals and two snacks exactly
Page 161 and 162: eathed the same filtered air for so
Page 163 and 164: GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
Page 165 and 166: I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
Page 167 and 168: ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
Page 169 and 170: Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
Page 171 and 172: THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
Page 173: ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
Page 177 and 178: THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
Page 179 and 180: “Do you believe it?” he asks.
Page 181 and 182: THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
Page 183 and 184: My. Heart. Stops.
Page 185 and 186: RELEASED, PART ONE
Page 187 and 188: READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
Page 189 and 190: RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
Page 191 and 192: Madeline: but mine isn’t
Page 193 and 194: GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
Page 195 and 196: LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
Page 197 and 198: PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
Page 199 and 200: I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
Page 201 and 202: FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
Page 203 and 204: HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
Page 205 and 206: FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
Page 207 and 208: question if I have spoken after all
Page 209 and 210: IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
Page 211 and 212: PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
Page 213 and 214: have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
Page 215 and 216: I should feel compassion. But that
Page 217 and 218: THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
Page 219 and 220: “But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
Page 221 and 222: ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
Page 223 and 224: THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
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FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
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MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
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FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
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THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
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choices you make and all the choice
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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