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“No. I want to. This is what I want.” He nods and then squeezes his eyes shut, remembering something. “I have to go buy—” I shake my head. “I have some.” “You have some what?” he asks, not catching on. “Condoms, Olly. I have some.” “You have some.” “Yes,” I say, my entire body blushing. “When?” “At the souvenir shop. Fourteen ninety-nine. That place has everything.” He looks at me as if I were a small miracle, but then his smile turns into something more. Then I’m on my back, and his hand is tugging at my dress. “Off. Off,” he says. I scramble to my knees and pull it off over my head. I shiver in the warm air. “You have freckles here, too,” he says, sliding his hand across the tops of my breasts. I look down to confirm and we both laugh. He puts his hand on my bare waist. “You’re all the good things wrapped into one good thing.” “Um, you too,” I say, inarticulate. All the words in my head have been replaced with one —Olly. He pulls his T-shirt off over his head and my body takes over my brain. I run my fingertips over the smooth hard muscles of his chest, dip them into the valleys between them. My lips follow the same path, tasting, caressing. He lies back and keeps himself still, letting me explore, and I kiss my way across the landscape of him down to his toes and back up again. The urge to bite him is irresistible and I don’t resist it. The bite pushes him over the edge and he takes charge. My body burns where he doesn’t touch, and burns where he does. We gather each other up. We are lips and arms and legs and bodies entangled. He raises himself above me and we are wordless, and then we are joined and moving silently. We are joined and I know all of the secrets of the universe.
MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•nite (ˈinfənit) adj. 1. The state of not knowing where one body ends and another begins: Our joy is infinite. [2015, Whittier]
- Page 124 and 125: I stare at the note, remembering th
- Page 126 and 127: HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
- Page 128 and 129: ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
- Page 130 and 131: LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
- Page 132 and 133: THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
- Page 134 and 135: HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
- Page 136 and 137: THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
- Page 138 and 139: “Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
- Page 141 and 142: At first I’m not sure what I’m
- Page 143 and 144: HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
- Page 145 and 146: I reach over and take his hand. “
- Page 147 and 148: eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
- Page 149 and 150: TTYL
- Page 151 and 152: THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
- Page 153 and 154: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
- Page 155 and 156: And, too, the world is in me.
- Page 157 and 158: REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
- Page 159 and 160: three meals and two snacks exactly
- Page 161 and 162: eathed the same filtered air for so
- Page 163 and 164: GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
- Page 165 and 166: I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
- Page 167 and 168: ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
- Page 169 and 170: Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
- Page 171 and 172: THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
- Page 173: ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
- Page 177 and 178: THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
- Page 179 and 180: “Do you believe it?” he asks.
- Page 181 and 182: THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
- Page 183 and 184: My. Heart. Stops.
- Page 185 and 186: RELEASED, PART ONE
- Page 187 and 188: READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
- Page 189 and 190: RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
- Page 191 and 192: Madeline: but mine isn’t
- Page 193 and 194: GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
- Page 195 and 196: LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
- Page 197 and 198: PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
- Page 199 and 200: I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
- Page 201 and 202: FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
- Page 203 and 204: HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
- Page 205 and 206: FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
- Page 207 and 208: question if I have spoken after all
- Page 209 and 210: IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
- Page 211 and 212: PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
- Page 213 and 214: have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
- Page 215 and 216: I should feel compassion. But that
- Page 217 and 218: THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
- Page 219 and 220: “But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
- Page 221 and 222: ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
- Page 223 and 224: THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
“No. I want to. This is what I want.”<br />
He nods and then squeezes his eyes shut, remembering something. “I have to go buy—”<br />
I shake my head. “I have some.”<br />
“You have some what?” he asks, not catching on.<br />
“Condoms, Olly. I have some.”<br />
“You have some.”<br />
“Yes,” I say, my entire body blushing.<br />
“When?”<br />
“At the souvenir shop. Fourteen ninety-nine. That place has everything.”<br />
He looks at me as if I were a small miracle, but then his smile turns into something<br />
more. Then I’m on my back, and his hand is tugging at my dress.<br />
“Off. Off,” he says.<br />
I scramble to my knees and pull it off over my head. I shiver in the warm air.<br />
“You have freckles here, too,” he says, sliding his hand across the tops of my breasts.<br />
I look down to confirm and we both laugh.<br />
He puts his hand on my bare waist. “You’re all the good things wrapped into one good<br />
thing.”<br />
“Um, you too,” I say, inarticulate. All the words in my head have been replaced with one<br />
—Olly.<br />
He pulls his T-shirt off over his head and my body takes over my brain. I run my<br />
fingertips over the smooth hard muscles of his chest, dip them into the valleys between<br />
them. My lips follow the same path, tasting, caressing. He lies back and keeps himself<br />
still, letting me explore, and I kiss my way across the landscape of him down to his toes<br />
and back up again. The urge to bite him is irresistible and I don’t resist it. The bite pushes<br />
him over the edge and he takes charge. My body burns where he doesn’t touch, and burns<br />
where he does.<br />
We gather each other up. We are lips and arms and legs and bodies entangled. He raises<br />
himself above me and we are wordless, and then we are joined and moving silently. We<br />
are joined and I know all of the secrets of the universe.