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FIRST-TIME FLYER FAQ Q: What is the best way to relieve earaches caused by changes in cabin pressure? A: Chewing gum. Also, kissing. Q: Which is the best seat: window, center, or aisle? A: Window, definitely. The world is quite a sight from 32,000 feet above it. Note that a window means your traveling companion may then be stuck next to a spectacularly loquacious bore. Kissing (your companion, not the bore) is also effective in this situation. Q: How many times per hour is cabin air refreshed? A: Twenty. Q: How many people can an airline blanket comfortably cover? A: Two. Be sure to raise the seat arm between you and snuggle as close as possible for maximum coverage. Q: How is it possible that humans invented something as amazing as an airplane and something as awful as a nuclear bomb? A: Human beings are mysterious and paradoxical. Q: Will I encounter turbulence? A: Yes. Into all lives a little turbulence must fall.

THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGGAGE carousels are a perfect metaphor for life,” Olly says from atop the edge of a nonmoving one. Neither of us has any checked luggage. All I’m carrying is a small backpack with essentials—toothbrush, clean underwear, Lonely Earth Maui guidebook, and The Little Prince. Of course I had to take it with me. I’m going to read it one more time to see how the meaning’s changed. “When did you decide this?” I ask. “Just now.” He’s in a crackpot-theory mood, just waiting for me to ask him to elaborate. “Want to give it some more thought before you regale me?” I ask. He shakes his head and jumps down right in front of me. “I’d like to begin the regaling now. Please.” I gesture magnanimously for him to continue. “You’re born. You get thrown onto this crazy contraption called life that just goes around and around.” “People are the luggage in this theory?” “Yes.” “Go on.” “Sometimes you fall off prematurely. Sometimes you get so damaged by other pieces of luggage falling on your head that you don’t really function anymore. Sometimes you get lost or forgotten and go around forever and ever.” “What about the ones that get picked up?” “They go on to lead unextraordinary lives in a closet somewhere.” I open and close my mouth a few times, unsure where to begin. He takes this as agreement. “See? It’s flawless.” His eyes are laughing at me. “Flawless,” I say, meaning him and not the theory. I thread my fingers through his and look around. “Does it look like you remember?” Olly’s been here once before, on a family vacation when he was ten. “I don’t really remember much. I remember my dad saying it wouldn’t kill them to spend a little money on first impressions.” The terminal is dotted with greeters—Hawaiian women in long, flower-patterned dresses holding welcome signs and strands of purple-and-white-orchid leis draped over their forearms. The air does not smell like the ocean. It smells industrial, like jet fuel and cleaning products. It’s a smell I could come to love because it would mean that I was traveling. All around us the noise level rises and falls, punctuated by choruses of alohas

THE CAROUSEL<br />

“I’VE DECIDED BAGGAGE carousels are a perfect metaphor for life,” Olly says from atop<br />

the edge of a nonmoving one.<br />

Neither of us has any checked luggage. All I’m carrying is a small backpack with<br />

essentials—toothbrush, clean underwear, Lonely Earth Maui guidebook, and The Little<br />

Prince. Of course I had to take it with me. I’m going to read it one more time to see how<br />

the meaning’s changed.<br />

“When did you decide this?” I ask.<br />

“Just now.” He’s in a crackpot-theory mood, just waiting for me to ask him to elaborate.<br />

“Want to give it some more thought before you regale me?” I ask.<br />

He shakes his head and jumps down right in front of me. “I’d like to begin the regaling<br />

now. Please.”<br />

I gesture magnanimously for him to continue.<br />

“You’re born. You get thrown onto this crazy contraption called life that just goes<br />

around and around.”<br />

“People are the luggage in this theory?”<br />

“Yes.”<br />

“Go on.”<br />

“Sometimes you fall off prematurely. Sometimes you get so damaged by other pieces of<br />

luggage falling on your head that you don’t really function anymore. Sometimes you get<br />

lost or forgotten and go around forever and ever.”<br />

“What about the ones that get picked up?”<br />

“They go on to lead unextraordinary lives in a closet somewhere.”<br />

I open and close my mouth a few times, unsure where to begin.<br />

He takes this as agreement. “See? It’s flawless.” His eyes are laughing at me.<br />

“Flawless,” I say, meaning him and not the theory. I thread my fingers through his and<br />

look around. “Does it look like you remember?” Olly’s been here once before, on a family<br />

vacation when he was ten.<br />

“I don’t really remember much. I remember my dad saying it wouldn’t kill them to<br />

spend a little money on first impressions.”<br />

The terminal is dotted with greeters—Hawaiian women in long, flower-patterned<br />

dresses holding welcome signs and strands of purple-and-white-orchid leis draped over<br />

their forearms. The air does not smell like the ocean. It smells industrial, like jet fuel and<br />

cleaning products. It’s a smell I could come to love because it would mean that I was<br />

traveling. All around us the noise level rises and falls, punctuated by choruses of alohas

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