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Olly’s mood gets better, lighter somehow, the farther away from his house that we get. This trip gives him the perfect excuse to let go of the burden of his family for a little while, at least. Also, an old friend of his from New York, Zach, lives in Maui. “You’ll love him,” he tells me. “I’ll love everything,” I respond. Our flight’s not until 7 A.M. and I have a detour I want to make. Being in his car is like being in a very loud, very fast-moving bubble. He refuses to open the windows. Instead, he presses a button on the dashboard that prevents air circulation. The sound of the tires on asphalt is like someone hissing low and constant into my ears. I fight the urge to cover them. Olly says we’re not going very fast, but to me we’re hurtling through space. I’ve read that passengers on high-speed trains say that the world outside the train blurs from the speed. I know we’re not going anywhere near that fast. But still, the landscape moves too quickly for my slow eyes to hold on to. I barely catch glimpses of houses in the brown hills in the distance. Overhead signs with cryptic symbols and writing come and go before I can decipher them. Bumper stickers and license plates appear and disappear in a blink. Even though I understand the physics of it, I find it strange that my body could be moving though I am sitting still. Well, not exactly still. I’m pushed backward into my seat whenever Olly accelerates and I lurch forward whenever he brakes. Every so often we slow down enough and I can see other people in their cars. We pass a woman shaking her head and slapping at the steering wheel with her hands. Only after we’ve passed her do I figure out that she was probably dancing to music. Two kids in the back of another car stick their tongues out at me and laugh. I don’t do anything because I’m not sure what the etiquette is for that. Gradually we slow down to a more human speed and leave the highway. “Where are we?” I ask. “She lives in Koreatown.” My head buzzes from trying to look everywhere at once. There are brightly lit signs and billboards written only in Korean. Since I can’t read the language, the signs seem like art pieces with beautiful, mysterious forms. Of course, they probably just say things as mundane as Restaurant or Pharmacy or Open 24 Hours. It’s early, but still there are so many people doing so many things—walking or talking or sitting or standing or running or riding bicycles. I don’t quite believe they’re really real. They’re just like the mini figures I pose in my architecture models, here to give Koreatown the vigor of life. Or maybe it’s me that’s not really real, not really here at all. We drive along for a few minutes more. Eventually we pull up to a two-story apartment complex with a fountain in the courtyard. Olly undoes his seat belt but makes no move to leave the car. “Nothing can happen to you,” he says.
I reach over and take his hand. “Thank you,” is all I can think to say. I want to tell him that it’s his fault that I’m out here. That love opens you up to the world. I was happy before I met him. But I’m alive now, and those are not the same thing.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, c
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C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
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More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
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Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
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THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
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SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
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“Perfect.” My mom peers over my
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STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
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ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
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THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
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NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
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I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
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The bell rings again. My mom half r
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PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
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I don’t think Carla has ever said
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FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
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NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
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NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
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FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
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Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
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Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
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Madeline: She must love somebody. I
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Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
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Olly: come to the window Madeline:
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figure is different. This time he
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“Well, if I didn’t know before
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TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
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LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
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“You trying to talk me out of it?
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OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
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he’s still, I can feel the need t
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DIAGNOSIS
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WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
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MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
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NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
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TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
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FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
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There are too many inputs to the fo
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SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
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NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
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OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
Page 93: Olly finds himself getting angry, t
Page 96 and 97: going to go back to school soon. He
Page 98 and 99: UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
Page 100 and 101: my finger in the palm of his hand.
Page 102 and 103: FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
Page 107 and 108: LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
Page 110 and 111: HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
Page 112 and 113: preparing for a bout. He’s trying
Page 114 and 115: THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
Page 116 and 117: “That’s enough now,” my mom s
Page 118 and 119: MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
Page 120 and 121: MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
Page 122 and 123: NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
Page 124 and 125: I stare at the note, remembering th
Page 126 and 127: HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
Page 128 and 129: ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
Page 130 and 131: LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY W
Page 132 and 133: THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
Page 134 and 135: HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
Page 136 and 137: THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
Page 138 and 139: “Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
Page 141 and 142: At first I’m not sure what I’m
Page 143: HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
Page 147 and 148: eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
Page 149 and 150: TTYL
Page 151 and 152: THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
Page 153 and 154: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
Page 155 and 156: And, too, the world is in me.
Page 157 and 158: REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
Page 159 and 160: three meals and two snacks exactly
Page 161 and 162: eathed the same filtered air for so
Page 163 and 164: GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
Page 165 and 166: I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
Page 167 and 168: ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
Page 169 and 170: Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
Page 171 and 172: THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
Page 173 and 174: ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
Page 175 and 176: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•n
Page 177 and 178: THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
Page 179 and 180: “Do you believe it?” he asks.
Page 181 and 182: THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
Page 183 and 184: My. Heart. Stops.
Page 185 and 186: RELEASED, PART ONE
Page 187 and 188: READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
Page 189 and 190: RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
Page 191 and 192: Madeline: but mine isn’t
Page 193 and 194: GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
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LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
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PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
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I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
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FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
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HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
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FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
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question if I have spoken after all
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IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
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PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
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have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
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I should feel compassion. But that
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THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
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“But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
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ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
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THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
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FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
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MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
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FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
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THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
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choices you make and all the choice
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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