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LATER, 9:08 P.M. OLLY’S ALREADY WAITING for me when I go to the window. In big, bold letters he writes: I pantomime my complete and utter lack of jealousy.
MADAM, I’M ADAM SOMETIMES I REREAD my favorite books from back to front. I start with the last chapter and read backward until I get to the beginning. When you read this way, characters go from hope to despair, from self-knowledge to doubt. In love stories, couples start out as lovers and end as strangers. Coming-of-age books become stories of losing your way. Your favorite characters come back to life. If my life were a book and you read it backward, nothing would change. Today is the same as yesterday. Tomorrow will be the same as today. In the Book of Maddy, all the chapters are the same. Until Olly. Before him my life was a palindrome—the same forward and backward, like “A man, a plan, a canal. Panama,” or “Madam, I’m Adam.” But Olly’s like a random letter, the big bold X thrown in the middle of the word or phrase that ruins the sequence. And now my life doesn’t make sense anymore. I almost wish I hadn’t met him. How am I supposed to go back to my old life, my days stretching out before me with unending and brutal sameness? How am I supposed to go back to being The Girl Who Reads? Not that I begrudge my life in books. All I know about the world I’ve learned from them. But a description of a tree is not a tree, and a thousand paper kisses will never equal the feel of Olly’s lips against mine.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, c
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C O N T E N T S Cover Title Page Co
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More Than This Nurse Evil Neighborh
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Takeoff Forgiveness Life is Short T
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THE WHITE ROOM I’VE READ MANY mor
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SCID ROW MY DISEASE IS as rare as i
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“Perfect.” My mom peers over my
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STAYS THE SAME I’M READING ON my
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ALIEN INVASION, PART 2 I’M UP TO
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THE WELCOME COMMITTEE “CARLA,”
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NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH HIS MOM’S SCHE
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I SPY HIS FAMILY CALLS him Olly. We
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The bell rings again. My mom half r
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PIÈCE DE REJECTION BACK IN MY room
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I don’t think Carla has ever said
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FIRST CONTACT TWO DAYS PASS and I
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NIGHT FOUR I CAN’T STAND it. I pe
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NIGHT SIX THE BUNDT IS lying on a w
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FIRST CONTACT, PART TWO From: Madel
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Wednesday, 8:15 P.M. FIRST CONTACT,
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Olly: curiouser and curiouser madel
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Madeline: She must love somebody. I
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Olly: no. he made me quit the mathl
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Olly: come to the window Madeline:
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figure is different. This time he
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“Well, if I didn’t know before
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TWO HOURS LATER I TRY AGAIN. “It
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LATER STILL “PLEASE, CARLA—”
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“You trying to talk me out of it?
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OLLY THE SUNROOM IS my favorite roo
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he’s still, I can feel the need t
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DIAGNOSIS
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WONDERLAND AND IT’S THE wanting t
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MAKES YOU STRONGER THERE’S NO E-M
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NO YES MAYBE Monday, 8:09 P.M. Made
Page 80: TIME CARLA MAKES US wait a week bef
Page 83 and 84: FORECAST OLLY’S ON THE wall again
Page 85 and 86: There are too many inputs to the fo
Page 87 and 88: SECRETS MY CONSTANT IMING with Olly
Page 89 and 90: NUMEROLOGY NUMBER OF: minutes it to
Page 91 and 92: OLLY SAYS HE’S NOT ON the wall wh
Page 93: Olly finds himself getting angry, t
Page 96 and 97: going to go back to school soon. He
Page 98 and 99: UPSIDE DOWN NORMAL PEOPLE PACE when
Page 100 and 101: my finger in the palm of his hand.
Page 102 and 103: FRIENDSHIP Later, 8:16 P.M. Olly: y
Page 107 and 108: LIFE AND DEATH OLLY’S NOT ON the
Page 110 and 111: HONESTLY Later, 8:03 P.M. Olly: no
Page 112 and 113: preparing for a bout. He’s trying
Page 114 and 115: THE THIRD MADDY I’M ALMOST ASLEEP
Page 116 and 117: “That’s enough now,” my mom s
Page 118 and 119: MIRROR IMAGE I PULL THE curtains as
Page 120 and 121: MORE THAN THIS MY MOM WORDLESSLY kn
Page 122 and 123: NURSE EVIL MY NEW NURSE is an unsmi
Page 124 and 125: I stare at the note, remembering th
Page 126 and 127: HIGHER EDUCATION WITH OLLY BACK in
Page 128 and 129: ALOHA MEANS HELLO AND GOOD -BYE, PA
Page 132 and 133: THE GLASS WALL A WEEK LATER, someth
Page 134 and 135: HALF LIFE IT’S A STRANGE thing to
Page 136 and 137: THE FIVE SENSES HEARING The alarm
Page 138 and 139: “Maddy—” “I’ll explain ev
Page 141 and 142: At first I’m not sure what I’m
Page 143 and 144: HAPPY ALREADY “MADS, BE SERIOUS.
Page 145 and 146: I reach over and take his hand. “
Page 147 and 148: eyes. “I must’ve missed a lot o
Page 149 and 150: TTYL
Page 151 and 152: THE CAROUSEL “I’VE DECIDED BAGG
Page 153 and 154: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY prom•ise
Page 155 and 156: And, too, the world is in me.
Page 157 and 158: REWARD IF FOUND OUR HOTEL SITS righ
Page 159 and 160: three meals and two snacks exactly
Page 161 and 162: eathed the same filtered air for so
Page 163 and 164: GUIDE TO HAWAIIAN REEF FISH
Page 165 and 166: I’m sure I don’t want him to. *
Page 167 and 168: ZACH BACK AT THE hotel, Olly calls
Page 169 and 170: Do you have my daughter? Is she OK?
Page 171 and 172: THE MURPHY BED IT’S LATE AFTERNOO
Page 173 and 174: ALL THE WORDS I COME AWAKE slowly,
Page 175 and 176: MADELINE’S DICTIONARY in•fi•n
Page 177 and 178: THIS TIME OLLY SMILES. HE will not
Page 179 and 180: “Do you believe it?” he asks.
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THE END SOMEONE HAS PUT me in a hot
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My. Heart. Stops.
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RELEASED, PART ONE
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READMITTED MY MOM HAS transformed m
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RELEASED, PART TWO Wednesday, 6:56
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Madeline: but mine isn’t
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GEOGRAPHY I’M IN AN endless field
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LIFE IS SHORT SPOILER REVIEWS BY MA
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PRETENDING I’M STRONGER WITH each
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I’m trying not to focus on Olly,
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FIVE SYLLABLES A MONTH LATER, just
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HIS LAST LETTER IS HAIKU From: gene
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FOR MY EYES ONLY From: Dr. Melissa
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question if I have spoken after all
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IDENTITY CARLA’S BARELY IN the do
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PROOF OF LIFE ALL I HAVE to do is g
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have SCID?” Her concern morphs in
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I should feel compassion. But that
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THE VOID A UNIVERSE THAT can wink i
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“But my heart stopped.” “Yes.
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ONE WEEK A.D. I HAVE MY first weekl
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THREE WEEKS A.D. MY MOM TRIES to en
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FIVE WEEKS A.D. I ORDER REAL plants
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MADELINE’S MOM
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lot left.” We go back inside. I f
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THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END
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FUTURE PERFECT #2 From: Madeline F.
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FORGIVENESS I STARE OUT the window
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THIS LIFE EVEN AT 9 A.M. on a Satur
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choices you make and all the choice
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS YOU ARE TRULY a tho
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