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us that. He came to our house and we sat in the kitchen together and Ben stared at the table while Clemo talked and when he’d finished Ben left the room without a word and went upstairs to his room and began to build with his Lego. It’s what he does when he doesn’t want to talk about things. He makes amazing contraptions. I don’t know if Ben took in the detective’s words or not. Clemo and I were left alone at the table. Ben had not made eye contact with either of us. Afterwards, I watched Clemo get back in his car, and his head fell onto his hands and his shoulders shook, but I couldn’t feel sympathy, because all of me must be dedicated to Ben, to his recovery. So I turned away and went upstairs. I sat beside my boy while he built. I didn’t speak, I just hoped to reassure him with my presence. I waited for him to finish so that he could explain to me what he’d made, and how it worked, so that he could show me how creative he’d been. Clemo emailed me shortly afterwards, from a home email address. He sent me an extract from a poem by W. B. Yeats: Verse from ‘To a Child Dancing in the Wind’ by W. B. Yeats Has no one said those daring Kind eyes should be more learn’d? Or warned you how despairing The moths are when they are burned, I could have warned you, but you are young, So we speak a different tongue. You couldn’t have saved him from her, Clemo wrote. There was nothing you could have done. If you’d tried to warn him of dangers this extreme, you’d have ruined his childhood. Nobody could have predicted this situation. I know how much you love him. I saw that. I hope he believed me when I told him that. I thought the email was sad, and painful, and kind too. I also suspected that Clemo was seeking reassurance for himself as much as he was offering it to me, and I wondered if he was having some kind of breakdown. I wanted to reply, but I didn’t know how to help him. I wanted to offer him solace, but I couldn’t find the words. Because I have only one job to do, and it requires all my focus. I must be patient as I hope for my son to come back to me, to come home in mind as well as in body and to do so completely. And so I struggle my way through the blackness, and I wait. And I hope to do that in private. And that is all anybody needs to know.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I am hugely grateful to the following people: Emma Beswetherick, my brilliant editor, whose enthusiasm, support, guidance and suggestions have improved this book beyond measure. Thank you. Caroline Kirkpatrick, Grace Menary-Winefield, Kate Doran and Victoria Gilder. Thank you so much to you all, and also to everybody else who has worked wonders on the book at Little, Brown, especially Sean Garrehy for the brilliant cover design. Nelle Andrew, my fabulous agent, who has a very big heart. A massive thank you for taking a punt on a bit of a dodgy first draft and for contributing so much to help me turn it into something better. Big thanks too to Rachel Mills, Alexandra Cliff and Marilia Savvides at PFD. Abbie Ross, my writing partner. Thank you so much for reading and re-reading, for tirelessly offering your comments and for the friendship along the way. Philippa Lowthorpe. Thank you for the lengthy dog walks, for all the encouragement, and for the advice on storytelling and much more that I couldn’t have done without. My two retired detectives. Thank you for so kindly giving up your time for coffees and a very long chat about all things police and procedure related. It was invaluable. Any errors in the book are all mine! My parents, Jonathan and Cilla Paget. Thank you for filling my childhood home with books and encouraging me to read them. Jules Macmillan. Thank you for all the spaghetti carbonara, and plot suggestions, for being Jim Clemo’s biggest fan and for backing the book all the way. Rose, Max and Louis Macmillan. You’ve been brilliant, because I couldn’t have done it without your support. Thank you for that, but most of all for making me smile every day.
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Gilly Macmillan grew up in Swindon,
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Burnt Paper Sky Table of Contents A
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JIM BEFORE
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DAY 2 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 3 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 4 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 5 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 6 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 7 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 8 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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DAY 9 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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RACHEL
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RACHEL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS BIBLIOGRAPH
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Author’s Note During the research
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PROLOGUE NOVEMBER 2013 - ONE YEAR A
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imaginary interview goes really wel
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But whether I’ve been awake or as
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BEFORE DAY 1 SUNDAY, 21 OCTOBER 201
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eally honest, I hadn’t noticed it
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‘OK,’ and he was off, careering
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as if the woodland was holding its
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appeared on the path. Our progress
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‘That’s good news,’ she said.
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FM: Do you think that expressing fe
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JC: It was a promotion is what it w
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suspect, is not going to be an easy
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RACHEL John couldn’t stand the wa
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It was the awkward twitch of Inspec
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‘Solid eight hours,’ I said. I
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RACHEL Inspector Miller said that b
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JIM Kenneth Steele House is where I
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had four pairs of officers in place
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at others. He was always watching m
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JIM I was quite pleased with how th
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his parents as well as his grandpar
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‘Expertise is on our side,’ she
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RACHEL My sister Nicky was waiting
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unstoppable. She told me that the w
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the streetlights and the geometric
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JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
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FM: So you recommended Emma for the
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DAY 3 TUESDAY, 23 OCTOBER 2012 Be a
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RACHEL In the car on the way to Ken
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‘If you are the person who is wit
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‘This way,’ she said. She swept
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‘It’s a soft alibi.’ Fraser w
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trace of dignity or vulnerability,
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missing”, and that everybody is l
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looking woman too: nicely dressed,
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‘Were there signs that the arm wa
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accident. But we’ll check it out
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To the insultingly practical: Don
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FM: So apart from the negative pres
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they’re focused on the job? FM: Y
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DAY 4 WEDNESDAY, 24 OCTOBER 2012 Cr
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RACHEL I slept only fitfully after
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WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
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JIM I spoke to Emma before I left f
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say that he doesn’t play by the r
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‘Bye,’ Fount said to him. ‘Wh
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thanked her for what she did for us
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I sat on the bed for a long time, u
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JIM Fraser and I had a pre-meet bef
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‘He’s got an alibi, doesn’t h
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RACHEL Nicky phoned the police and
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door in the middle of the night. Yo
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an orange wash remained. It struck
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RACHEL When I got back inside Nicky
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JIM On the night of Wednesday, 24 O
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DAY 5 THURSDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2012 You
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RACHEL I slept the night in Ben’s
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individuals closest to Ben, and he
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‘What about their son, Charlie Bo
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He took another sheet of paper from
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more imperfect than any version of
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JC: She said she was knackered. She
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It led swiftly to the fourth state.
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Quick response appreciated, obvious
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WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
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I didn’t know what to say. I look
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RACHEL Zhang agreed to come and giv
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sensation. Then she spoke to him of
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abstract shapes floating within it,
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JIM I got one of the DCs to pick up
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RACHEL This time, I made no attempt
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dog, black and white like Skittle,
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FM: I’m not intending to. That’
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everything that had happened. But I
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JIM We worked closely with John Fin
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DAY 7 SATURDAY, 27 OCTOBER 2012 An
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RACHEL In the early hours of the mo
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school year, but I started to work
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tight. A hospital band was visible
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cancer himself. The whole family, w
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Another page. A different drawing:
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‘The blog.’ I was slow; I didn
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told him to fuck off. ‘Tell Frase
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‘Stop asking me to be patient. Ho
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JIM In the incident room the blinds
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swing. ‘So what are we thinking?
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‘She’s drunk?’ I asked when h
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JC: Fine. He coaxes his lips up int
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JIM It was Emma who I thought of al
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DAY 8 SUNDAY, 28 OCTOBER 2012 The P
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RACHEL When dawn came there was no
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JIM Nine o’clock Sunday morning,
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RACHEL The hospital receptionist se
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RACHEL My cab driver on the way hom
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tall bear of a man, with very dark
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‘To be honest, I assumed Nicky wo
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He actually put his hand over his h
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Page 298 and 299: so that my toes were already numb.
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Page 302 and 303: He sat back down. ‘Again,’ he s
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Page 308 and 309: here. And then I saw something else
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Page 334 and 335: RACHEL We might never have closure,
Page 338: BIBLIOGRAPHY The following websites
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