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much significance on this. I shouldn’t have written it. I only wrote it because it’s what you look for
when you’re working, that person who’s not who you think they are. That was a stupid example, I’m
not even sure I remember it right anyway. I was a kid.
I’m not sure I believe this, I think he’s obfuscating. I wait for him to continue, to fill in the silence.
JC: Look, I admired my dad. He had people’s respect because he’d earned it. He was one of the best
detectives of his generation. Can we move on?
FM: How did he earn respect?
JC: He had a saying: ‘You can’t put the shit back in the donkey.’
FM: Meaning?
JC: Meaning you try not to fuck up, you don’t let things get out of your control.
FM: Was it hard to grow up in his shadow?
JC: It made me want to be a detective, and to do well, if that’s what you mean.
FM: Was that a good thing?
JC: It was better than dossing, or pimping, or boozing, or raping old ladies for kicks, or getting so
shitfaced that you think it’s OK to smash your wife’s head against a wall until she loses her teeth as
well as her self-respect. What do you mean ‘Was that a good thing?’
FM: I’m interested that my question is making you feel angry.
JC: Because it’s a joke! It’s actually insulting.
FM: I think it might mean that being a successful detective was a matter of honour for you?
JC: Yes! Yes, it was, it is, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
He’s displaying a level of anger that I feel is excessive, though he’s trying to disguise it.
FM: Would it be fair to say that at this point in the case you were under almost intolerable personal
pressure in addition to the pressure the case was putting on you?
JC: You’re totally missing the point.
FM: What was the point then? Tell me.
JC: Benedict Finch was the fucking point. Finding Benedict Finch. Giving him safely back to his
mother. That was the only thing that mattered. Why can’t you see that?
His fists are clenched, his teeth gritted. I thank him for coming and say that I’ll see him next week.
I don’t wish to be cold with him but he is challenging, and I need him to understand how important
it is for him to open up completely during our discussions. Our time together is running out.