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RACHEL When dawn came there was no respite from the grip of my night-time fears, because it was Sunday. One week since Ben went missing. A lifetime of loss in one week. And still no news. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, as I brushed my teeth with slow, ineffective strokes, and I didn’t recognise myself. The police organised a taxi to take me to the hospital. They promised that a squad car would remain outside the house. They promised me that they would protect me. The police asked the taxi to collect me from the back of my house so the driver didn’t see the press, and work out who I was. The driver was an older man, wearing a Sikh turban, white beard and white eyebrows. I slunk into the back seat behind him. ‘BRI is it?’ he asked. ‘Yes please.’ ‘Do you mind which route?’ ‘No.’ On the passenger seat beside him was a newspaper, opened out, and I could see a photograph of Ben. He wanted to talk about it. ‘You heard about this little boy then?’ ‘Yes,’ I made myself say. I was desperate he shouldn’t recognise me. I pulled my scarf up around my chin, moved my hair so that it obscured my face. ‘Terrible, isn’t it?’ ‘Yes it is.’ I pressed myself against the window, staring out as the taxi descended into the city. We were driving through deserted residential streets where the only sign of life was a mangy fox panting sickly in the shelter of an evergreen hedge. ‘My wife, she says the mother’s done it. She can feel it in her bones. That’s what people are saying, you know, the mother’s done it. But you know, I don’t think she did. It’s unnatural, to do that. We had an argument about it last night, you know?’ I could sense he was trying to meet my eye in the mirror, gauge my opinion. I looked away. It was impossible to answer him. We turned onto Cheltenham Road, abruptly in the city centre now, pubs and bars all shut up on either side of us. A pair of homeless men sat on a stoop together, shrouded in blankets. They were sharing a cigarette. They had bulging red alcoholic faces and broken teeth. ‘The thing is,’ he said, ‘this is what I said to my wife…⁠’ He wanted to give me his wisdom. Perhaps his wife turned away from him at this point last night, wanting to stick to her own view, perhaps he won her over with it. ‘I said to her that if you’ve been called those things, accused like the mother is, you never get over it. That’s the shame of it. If she’s guilty, she deserves it, if she’s innocent, then people have done her wrong.’ We swung around the Bear Pit roundabout, the swift curve of it making my stomach quail, dirty shop windows advertising bridal wear and discount trainers blurring in front of my eyes. Yards ahead, I saw the magistrates’ court, and the hospital buildings. ‘I’ll get out here,’ I said at a red light. ‘Can you stop?’ desperate to escape him, that kind man,
efore he saw who I was. ‘Are you sure, love?’ Eyes in the mirror again, a frown line above them. ‘Are you OK? Are you sick? You don’t look too well. Sorry, I thought you were visiting somebody, I didn’t know you were sick. Shall I take you to A & E?’ I opened the door while we were at the light, pushed some cash at him, got out. He had to drive on because the light turned green and somebody behind him landed a fist on their horn. My scarf wound tightly up my face, my hair arranged like a pair of curtains that were mostly shut, in the plate glass outside the hospital entrance my reflection told me I looked like somebody with something to hide.
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Gilly Macmillan grew up in Swindon,
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Burnt Paper Sky Table of Contents A
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JIM BEFORE
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DAY 2 JIM
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JIM
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DAY 3 JIM
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DAY 4 JIM
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DAY 5 JIM
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DAY 6 JIM
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DAY 7 JIM
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DAY 8 JIM
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DAY 9 JIM
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JIM
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JIM
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RACHEL
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RACHEL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS BIBLIOGRAPH
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Author’s Note During the research
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PROLOGUE NOVEMBER 2013 - ONE YEAR A
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imaginary interview goes really wel
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But whether I’ve been awake or as
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BEFORE DAY 1 SUNDAY, 21 OCTOBER 201
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eally honest, I hadn’t noticed it
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‘OK,’ and he was off, careering
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as if the woodland was holding its
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appeared on the path. Our progress
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‘That’s good news,’ she said.
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FM: Do you think that expressing fe
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JC: It was a promotion is what it w
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suspect, is not going to be an easy
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RACHEL John couldn’t stand the wa
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It was the awkward twitch of Inspec
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‘Solid eight hours,’ I said. I
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RACHEL Inspector Miller said that b
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JIM Kenneth Steele House is where I
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had four pairs of officers in place
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at others. He was always watching m
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JIM I was quite pleased with how th
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his parents as well as his grandpar
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‘Expertise is on our side,’ she
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RACHEL My sister Nicky was waiting
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unstoppable. She told me that the w
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the streetlights and the geometric
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JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
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FM: So you recommended Emma for the
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DAY 3 TUESDAY, 23 OCTOBER 2012 Be a
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RACHEL In the car on the way to Ken
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‘If you are the person who is wit
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‘This way,’ she said. She swept
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‘It’s a soft alibi.’ Fraser w
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trace of dignity or vulnerability,
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missing”, and that everybody is l
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looking woman too: nicely dressed,
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‘Were there signs that the arm wa
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accident. But we’ll check it out
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To the insultingly practical: Don
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FM: So apart from the negative pres
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they’re focused on the job? FM: Y
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DAY 4 WEDNESDAY, 24 OCTOBER 2012 Cr
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RACHEL I slept only fitfully after
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WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
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JIM I spoke to Emma before I left f
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say that he doesn’t play by the r
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‘Bye,’ Fount said to him. ‘Wh
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thanked her for what she did for us
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I sat on the bed for a long time, u
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JIM Fraser and I had a pre-meet bef
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‘He’s got an alibi, doesn’t h
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RACHEL Nicky phoned the police and
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door in the middle of the night. Yo
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an orange wash remained. It struck
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RACHEL When I got back inside Nicky
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JIM On the night of Wednesday, 24 O
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DAY 5 THURSDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2012 You
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RACHEL I slept the night in Ben’s
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individuals closest to Ben, and he
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‘What about their son, Charlie Bo
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He took another sheet of paper from
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more imperfect than any version of
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JC: She said she was knackered. She
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It led swiftly to the fourth state.
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Quick response appreciated, obvious
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WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
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I didn’t know what to say. I look
Page 220 and 221: RACHEL Zhang agreed to come and giv
Page 222 and 223: sensation. Then she spoke to him of
Page 224 and 225: abstract shapes floating within it,
Page 226 and 227: JIM I got one of the DCs to pick up
Page 228 and 229: RACHEL This time, I made no attempt
Page 230 and 231: dog, black and white like Skittle,
Page 232 and 233: FM: I’m not intending to. That’
Page 234 and 235: everything that had happened. But I
Page 236 and 237: JIM We worked closely with John Fin
Page 238 and 239: DAY 7 SATURDAY, 27 OCTOBER 2012 An
Page 240 and 241: RACHEL In the early hours of the mo
Page 242 and 243: school year, but I started to work
Page 244 and 245: tight. A hospital band was visible
Page 246 and 247: cancer himself. The whole family, w
Page 248 and 249: Another page. A different drawing:
Page 250 and 251: ‘The blog.’ I was slow; I didn
Page 252 and 253: told him to fuck off. ‘Tell Frase
Page 254 and 255: ‘Stop asking me to be patient. Ho
Page 256 and 257: JIM In the incident room the blinds
Page 258 and 259: swing. ‘So what are we thinking?
Page 260 and 261: ‘She’s drunk?’ I asked when h
Page 262 and 263: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
Page 264 and 265: JC: Fine. He coaxes his lips up int
Page 266 and 267: JIM It was Emma who I thought of al
Page 268 and 269: DAY 8 SUNDAY, 28 OCTOBER 2012 The P
Page 272 and 273: JIM Nine o’clock Sunday morning,
Page 274 and 275: RACHEL The hospital receptionist se
Page 276 and 277: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
Page 278 and 279: RACHEL My cab driver on the way hom
Page 280 and 281: tall bear of a man, with very dark
Page 282 and 283: ‘To be honest, I assumed Nicky wo
Page 284 and 285: He actually put his hand over his h
Page 286 and 287: ‘Cool,’ my avatar said. ‘New
Page 288 and 289: me wants you here to run the invest
Page 290 and 291: I behaved in an arrogant and disgus
Page 292 and 293: RACHEL I logged on to Furry Footbal
Page 294 and 295: ‘I know it was him,’ I said. Th
Page 296 and 297: Her handbag was on the seat between
Page 298 and 299: so that my toes were already numb.
Page 300 and 301: ‘It’s what Miss May said, about
Page 302 and 303: He sat back down. ‘Again,’ he s
Page 304 and 305: JIM Nicky Forbes was disturbed by m
Page 306 and 307: RACHEL It took me twenty-five minut
Page 308 and 309: here. And then I saw something else
Page 310 and 311: JIM Nicky Forbes’s expression was
Page 312 and 313: RACHEL They prised me up off the ca
Page 314 and 315: Operator: OK. They’re a few minut
Page 316 and 317: RECORD OF EVIDENCE: AVON AND SOMERS
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‘Is the child all right?’ Mrs M
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RACHEL I approached my son’s beds
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EPILOGUE CHRISTMAS 2013 - ONE YEAR,
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RACHEL A few weeks ago, somebody as
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that he loved so much in return. Th
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JC: Yes. FM: Have you seen her sinc
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RACHEL We might never have closure,
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us that. He came to our house and w
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BIBLIOGRAPHY The following websites
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